Attention mutuals, pls text me, I'm shy I won't send the first message.
Plus if you are nice you might receive a pic of me eating a chocolate pie in one piece
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@shuriken-n
Attention mutuals, pls text me, I'm shy I won't send the first message.
Plus if you are nice you might receive a pic of me eating a chocolate pie in one piece
“Why are you scared of dating” I’m not scared of dating, I just haven’t found anyone’s company to be more enjoyable than my own. And also I don’t care
I just don't want anyone to steal my very cursed amulet
Also the amulet
Is that you talking? Or the amulet? Are you SURE a new hand doesn't want to touch the beacon?
The amulet and I are not currently looking for a third
Love this Miku so much... here is my take - googoogaga733
finally no longer working at a preschool half of the week so here's link in some of my recent hot girl summer outfits
I don't even want to eat the pussy it's so beautiful
Eat my spirit onion
Electro’s power can not be contained.
I love how tumblr users are still dragging around the corpse of this 12-year-old advertising campaign as a reminder to other companies not to try to advertise here.
Try to make money with tumblr and we will dance on the ruins of your attempt for a decade
I wonder if any furries doing ferretsonas incorporate their whole thing where they develop health problems and sometimes die if unspayed ferrets don't get pregnant.
you're telling me if a ferret girl tells me I have to breed her, she might be talking about a life or death situation?
yeah.
This makes me wonder if in ferret-person society, male sex workers are considered to be a lifesaving profession, like a doctor or firefighter.
I bet they've got a special uniform. And if you call the ferret equivalent of 9-1-1, they'll race to your home to save you from your own endocrine system, using only a Barry White album and their dick.
(it's traditionally a male dominated profession for obvious reasons, but in recent years there's been a big advancement in trans rights in Ferretopia, so there's now at least one pre/non-op ferrettgirl in each squad.)
I was trying to figure out the uniform look, and I was thinking something like this, but a little more casual, and with different colors. The primary color is white, and the secondary color (the stripes) is red, and the back of the uniform has a big red heart.
I thought I remembered seeing a firefighter wearing a uniform in those colors though, like maybe in the 80s? So I googled "white uniform with red stripes" and it suggested this:
And God damn it I can't not see it this way now.
Sure. It's a furry society which has completely normalized male* sex work and even considers it to be an important part of society, they're lifesaving workers alongside doctors and firemen, and THEY DRESS LIKE THIS. To quote Ferret John Mulaney; "this might as well happen. Ferret life is already so God damn weird."
* well, male and pre/non-op transfem. Although honestly I don't really have a reason why they can't hire ferret women who just have good strap game.
Unfortunately the ferret women with good strap game wouldn't work. Getting a good rogering won't fix the problem by itself, actual pregnancy is required. I have to imagine a sufficiently scientifically advanced ferret society would have put significant work into medical solutions that prevent death without mandatory pregnancy, but I can also see this being A) culturally controversial amongst the conservatives, and B) not always available when needed, so Emergency Hookers will probably still be a thing.
I was figuring it works slightly differently, even if that makes it less accurate to non-anthro ferrets. Getting pregnant would certainly solve the problem, but it's not required. You just need to be Seriously Fucked. That's enough to break the heat. It does need to be quite intense, though: you're not just having some light casual sex, you need to be railed, of the intensity where you feel sore for days afterwards. Generally they go overboard, because if they underfuck a poor ferretgirl in heat, she'll still be in heat and they'll just gave to get called out again and start the whole process over. This is also why you can't just masturbate out of your heat: you can't manage the intensity needed without a bunch of extra devices to assist in the process.
As for medical solutions: yeah! Ferret society would be ahead of our own in things like birth control. And they can medically end a heat... But it's hormonal and has some annoying side-effects, and it doesn't last as long. You get fucked out of your heat and you're good for the season. Take the pills and it works more like omegaverse suppressants: as soon as you're off them, it comes back, sometimes even stronger because it's been held back so long.
And the sex workers are a longstanding and admired part of ferret society? So it's an easier option. They use condoms, of course, so you don't have to get pregnant, and at the end of the day... it's a lot more fun than having to take a pill.
So the majority of ferret girls end their heat with either partners or the sex-workers. The drugs get used by people with religious exemptions (one of the religions thinks it's wrong to have sex without intending to have a baby. The church doesn't like the drugs either, but it's less of a sin to take heat-suppressants than it is to use a condom), medical issues, or other personal issues (like orientation conflicts (there are lesbian and asexual ferret girls: sometimes they can't find a trans woman sex worker or they don't want to have sex, period!))
Anyway, the heat cycle being hormonal DOES mean that it affects trans ferretgirls (ferrettgirls) too. So it's a good thing that getting Seriously Fucked breaks the heat: much like our own, ferret medical science hasn't yet made it possible to get trans girls pregnant.
Trans masc ferrets eventually stop getting heats, btw. It's their low levels of ferret estrogen (ferretstrogen) that keep them from going in heat. It still happens sometimes because the hormone levels weren't exactly right and the ovaries KEEP TRYING, but fortunately there was a big thing with the union for the sex workers where they've made a big push to make sure they can take care of men in need too. Homophobia thankfully was never a big thing in ferret society, but they still weren't immediately just okay with serving men... But like I said, they worked on it and hired more bisexual sex workers and did training to make sure they're not using female-specific language and all. So it's much better, even if there's some lingering assumptions that they're all MEN who have sex with WOMEN: that's how their whole profession was defined for decades.
But in the year of our ferrety lord 2024, a man might call 6911 because he's deep in heat and a tall ferret woman might show up in that god-awful outfit to rail him into next week. Because of woke.
My worldbuilding brain won't turn off:
So all full service sex work is legal and legitimized, it'd be horribly hypocritical to have publicly funded male sex work that is admired by all, and to simultaneously criminalize and demean other sex work. So that's only happened historically in particularly regressive regimes.
It's actually been more common for the opposite to happen: societies that considered it a civic duty. More than a few ferrety countries have required men to go into military service for a year or two, unless they were serving the public in some other way: working as a firefighter, doctor/nurse, or a sex worker.
Thankfully that's not the case any longer. Now the job is more of a professional/volunteer thing, rather than a conscripted force.
The majority of the workers are professionals: they went to school for this, this is their only job, they're paid by their city's tax budget. They work year round.
But there's also a volunteer contingent, something like the Army Reserve? They've got the training (and their certifications are up to date) but they have another job (or they're in education or are a homekeeper or whatever). They're only called in for big surges.
See, heats are a hormone level thing but they're environmentally triggered. In "nature", they'd trigger every spring after maturity*, so basically all the ferret girls would go into heat at once.
But in the modern world, that's less the case. When ferrets go into heat can happen at different times, and then it tends to be yearly around that time. It's shifted all over the place thanks to the modern world messing with environmental triggers: artificial light, global warming, air conditioning... It mostly stops the natural triggers from working so it's just anytime.
But... Enough ferret girls DO go into heat at the usual time that there's always a big surge around the beginning of spring. The professional crew can't keep up at those times, so they call in the volunteers. It's a civic duty, a bit like jury duty? You can't get arrested or fined for saying no, but many people do it just out of a sense of civic pride. In big cities though the surge is often bad enough that they do offer more than the basic compensation. And there's protective laws for doing it: your job can't fire you because you had to take a week off to rail ferretgirls into the mattress.
You gotta have a certification though. It's not that hard to get, a few weeks of classes and a hands-on test at the end. All universities offer it, and usually you can find a community center offering classes in an old church. You just gotta take lessons in how to do it properly, how to be polite and appropriate, what you might be asked to do, and the hazards** of the job. Then you go down to your local DHM*** office and take the in-person test. Certificates are good for 5 years, then you just need to retake a paper test and the in-person again.
But yeah. Most of the year it's just the year-round professionals manning the shop. How many depends on the population. Your small towns will just have a single station, and big downs are divided into a bunch of districts. Universities usually have one or two stationed on-site.
* thankfully the ferret population doesn't have an issue with precious puberty, that's all I can say. All ferrets going into heat are at least the ferret equivalent of 18.
** and they are many. This is a job and a medical thing needed to save a life, but ferrets are still human like you and me: it's very hard to completely avoid catching any feels. And God forbid you are being called out to save a ferret woman because her husband isn't up to it: they have policies about this exact situation because of all the murders.
*** Department of Heat Management, the government agency that oversees this profession. It's an eternal source of humor how they're stereotyped as being the "sexiest government agency" but really they mostly do paperwork and run it all like the DMV so it's about the least sexy thing imaginable, even if sometimes you gotta go down to their offices and fuck a gal hard enough to prove you can do it****. Thus the humor: that dissonance. Plenty of sex, but no sexy.
**** the existence of the certification must come up in dating/cruising, and that's gonna have some interesting implications. Imagine you're going out with a guy (or a gal! It's the 90s!), and they pull an official card from the government that certifies they know how to Fuck Good and they've had to prove it. There's plenty of bars where you can get laid on the strength of that alone.
so what you're saying is that sexy fireman calendars are vestiges of the anthro-ferret cultures we're descended from
Basically yeah. Except the ferret version is like "THE HOTTEST HEAT TECHNICIANS OF 1997!" and you check out January and it looks like this:
And humans may look at it like "uhh. What?" and the ferretgirls and some of the ferretguys* are all:
* because of course there are gay ferret guys. And these sex workers are sexualized and they lust after them too, even if they're not medically necessary for the cis ferret guys. There's a lot of romance novels about Heat Technicians dating guys, lemme just say that now.
What we wouldn't give to be one of those sex workers railing ferret boys and girls in heat 💕
sliggoo gloomy girl
loud noivern gf
Zaid Blink Twice If You Need Help
[Description: A divorce lawyer answering the question "do you believe in soulmates?"
He answers: I believe that whoever created the concept of soulmates should be taken into the town square and beaten to death. Or you should tell me who they are so I can send them a check for a couple of hundred thousand dollars, because they have done more to facilitate the demise of happy marriages than I could ever aspire to doing.
The concept of a soulmate to me is absolutely bizarre. To suggest that out of eight billion other people in the world, that there's just this one person, and they happen by the way to live within like the same town as you, where they went to the same university as you - what were the odds of that? And that's the only person you could ever have a happy, fulfilling relationship with. That's insane, folks. It's insane. And by the way, it's toxic. Because here's the thing: when you get married, society essentially tells you, this person, they're supposed to be your best friend, best lover, best roommate, best travel companion, best co-parent - that's a hell of a resume, guy. Like, it'd be shocking to find someone who fits all three of those things.
So what happens when you have this concept of a soulmate? And my partner, you know, they're the best co-parent, they're the best roommate, the best travel companion, but you know, they're not the best lover I ever had. Well, they mustn't be your soulmate then. That means that there's somebody out there in the eight billion people, that they would be the perfect one. And that's what the horizon that just forever recedes and keeps people constantly craving the next thing that might check all of the boxes. It's dangerous.
Look, we break in relationship, we heal in relationship. You're marrying a human being. They're just as flawed as you. They have great moments, they have awful moments, they have heroic moments, they have villainous moments. This idea that somebody out there is going to be this perfect angelic presence in your life, it is a fiction, and it is the siren song that's gonna send you right into the rocks of my office. /End Description]
"Your analogy only works for a lobster"
*ominous* nuggets...
just learned about bunnyphobia
punched a hole in my wall