Developing from the negatives.

original character. indie. highly selective. written by roo. established 7 - 6 -18.

[leslieonlyspeaksbear]

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i got the keys so lets put it into driiiive,

don’t call it a crush.

you know i love you too much to be crushed like that

[shutteredfocus-blog]

etonelite‌:

catholicism    was    a    recurring    nightmare    for    the    elder    man,    so    when    the    boy    spoke    about    his    troubles,    henry    offered    complete    empathy.    there    had    been    a    time    when    he    too    had    to    bite    his    tongue,    pretending    he    minded    not    the    foolishness    that    his    parents    lent    themselves    so    easily    to.    it    was    easy    to    stand    up    to    his    peers    at    school,    but    something    in    henry    restrained    him    from    giving    his    parents    the    same    ill-treatment    he    gave    to    pupils    who    did    not    see    his    side    of    it.    to    this    day,    he    couldn’t    muster    up    enough    courage    to    tell    his    mother    he    would    not    attend    church    this    christmas    because    it    was    against    his    morals.    it    was    silly,    but    something    inside    of    him–maybe    it    was    the    age-old    respect    your    elders    motto    that    they’d    ingrained    in    him–wouldn’t    allow    him    to    protest    the    way    he    wanted    to.

“    i    didn’t    go    to    catholic    school,    but    i    went    to    a    boys    school.    they    held    much    of    the    same    conservative    ideas    as    your    school    did,    i’m    sure,    ”    henry    spoke.    “    i    never    liked    it,    going    to    that    school.    it    was    for    the    wealthy,    &    as    goes,    there    weren’t    very    many    open-minded    individuals    there.    they    made    us    wear    suits    &    they    hit    us    with    canes    whenever    we    had    an    individual    thought    they    didn’t    like.    ”

glancing    down    at    his    shoes,    henry    began    to    remember    the    gruesomeness    of    his    old    haunts.    he    hadn’t    been    there    in    ages,    &    hadn’t    given    much    thought    to    the    school    for    awhile,    but,    just    as    if    it    were    yesterday,    he    could    visualize    it    all.    he    could    even    remember    what    he’d    last    been    punished    for:    some    candid    remark    about    the    uselessness    of    the    school,    &    the    prejudice    they    put    in    every    one    of    their    students.

His mouth twisted into a grimace, simultaneously sympathetic and angry. It hit too close to home, and he felt a certain kindred spirit with the other. Normally, his past experiences were kept under lock and key, his mouth a steel trap. But he found the words flowing past his lips without second thought. Not many could understand. 

“Canes? Shit, you had it worse than I did. The nuns--they had rulers, but they were the wooden kind. It stung, but. . .” Nate could only shake his head. He’d heard of caning as a form of punishment in schools, but he was grateful to never attend one that still put it into practice. 

But perhaps, he viewed the nuns with a certain amount of indulgence. Those swats were a much gentler reprimand than others Nate had known. None of them ever left him with black eyes or bruises. 

“Did you always go to that place?” Curiosity pushed the question forward. Truthfully, he wondered if the man escaped it. “Or were there other schools?”

[shutteredfocus-blog]

piper-aileen-lenox‌:

“Frankly, my bets aren’t on the port-a-potty anymore. I’m like, 80% sure that he just got himself lost because he is the most useless navigator I’ve ever met. If he was stuck in the port-a-potty, eventually some pissed off person in line would have barged in.” Blue eyes crinkled at the corners, entertained by the chance to hypothesize the fate suffered by their poor friend.

As the marker was held up with triumphant, the redhead stuck out her arm, so the soft, inner part of her forearm was facing him. “Lay it on me,” she instructed, her eyes seeming to flash with something slightly impish. In truth, she had her phone, it was in an easily accessible pocket on the outside, so it wouldn’t have even been difficult to get out, but that would deny her the experience of having a boy’s number written on her arm in a Sharpie. That was an experience that took her right back to high school, only this time, the boy was actually a tolerable human being, not a slimebag who had the sole intention of using her number as some sort of godforsaken booty call. 

And even if Nate did use her phone number for that, she could probably tolerate that.

Nate grinned, eyes alight with approval. In this day and age, phones and texting zapped some of the wistful, romantic gestures one could make. Not that swapping numbers was super dreamy, but it seemed a little more special this way versus punching it into a phone and picking out some obnoxious emojis to go by his name.

“Okay. . .” He caught the cap between his teeth, yanking the pen free and poising it over her arm. A hand went under her forearm to steady himself. Deliberate strokes first formed the area code then a tiny dash before the next three digits. Nate was taking his time to keep it neat, but if it allowed him to linger a little while longer, he wouldn’t complain.

Another equally small dash came next and the last four numbers for his cell. But it seemed a bit unfinished for some reason. So, two small dots were made and then a smile beneath it. “There,” he muttered and recapped the marker before shoving it back into the depths of his bag. “Just shoot me a text sometime, so I can save yours.”

[odk-2]

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Echo and The Bunnymen - The Killing Moon (1984) Will Sergeant / Ian McCulloch / Les Pattinson / Pete de Freitas from: “Ocean Rain” LP

[shutteredfocus-blog]

Nate’s collection of tattoos has grown rapidly over the years. He got his first tattoo at eighteen. He’s been a long time F.all Ou.t B.oy fan and got their symbol ( the crown topped pyramid ) done on the right side of his neck. Next, he had a half sleeve of black, stylized roses inked on the inside of his left forearm. Then inked on his left shoulder was the pointilism sphere containing a mountain scene: this and the roses being a nod to his love and appreciation of nature. After that, he got something more practical. The T1D tattoo is to replace the medical bracelet he often wore on his right wrist, and it’s so medical responders are aware he’s a type 1 diabetic. Then came two flash tattoos: the skull on the middle finger of his left hand and the traditional lucky horseshoe done on the side of his leg above his left ankle. When his dream of photography took flight, he had a camera’s aperture inked in black on the inside of his right arm below the bend of his elbow. His most recent tattoos are the traditional dagger on the outside of his right thigh and the elaborate panther chest piece with roses sprawling up to his collarbones.

[shutteredfocus-blog]

me: i’m not gonna give nate any huge tattoos. quite a few? sure. but nothing big. also me: has already given him a full color chest piece.

[shutteredfocus-blog]

etonelite‌:

casual    conversation    has    become    almost    necessary    for    the    elder    man.    his    brain    works    like    a    writer’s,    making    mental    notes    &    studying    the    people    around    him    as    if    life    was    one    large    lesson    he’d    been    privy    to    get    into.    a    new    conversation    with    a    new    person    is    seen    through    a    different    perspective    than    it    had    been    a    few    years    prior,    now;    what    was    once    an    obstacle    is    now    a    job    requirement.

“    neither,    ”    he    replies    simply.    “        i    relate    to    neither    &    so    my    thoughts    don’t    fall    into    either    category.    ”    a    shrug    overtakes    his    body.    “    it’s    more    of    a    critique    on    the    baby    boomer’s.    they    were    supposed    to    have    been    apart    of    the    progression,    but    i    find    more    regression    happening    wherever    they’re    involved.    you    know–children    must    be    seen,    not    heard.    teenagers    should    be    responsible    &    worldly,    but    they    shouldn’t    speak    about    things    that    matter,    such    as    social    issues,    gun    policies,    or    anything    political.    that’s    too    serious    for    their    hardly    developed    brains    to    wrap    around.    things    like    that;    it’s    mad.    ”

                     continued from x  //// @shutteredfocus

Dark brows slightly raised in expectation. He braced himself for a potential argument, tongue poised behind his teeth, but ended up pleasantly surprised as the man went on to explain himself. Silent approval was evident in the smile that stretched across his face. 

All too well could he relate to being told to act appropriately and not to question. Nate had always been outspoken and firm in his own beliefs and his stances on political issues. It was all more obvious now with the enamel pins declaring ‘equality means everyone,’ ‘feminist,’ and ‘safe and legal abortion’ stuck through the lapels of his leather jacket amid the other pins of skulls, bats, and daggers. 

But Father Wilkins and many of his foster parents hadn’t been so appreciative of his candidness or his willingness to speak out against his elder’s beliefs and prejudiced behavior. They thought of him as dangerous and likely to infect the other children with his way of thinking. It led to many punishments and stern lectures about disrespect and why he was wrong. At times, he gave up the fight and rolled his eyes behind closed lids. Other times, he hurled words back in a fury.

“I know. God forbid anyone under eighteen have an opinion about something.” He leaned a shoulder against the wall, his free hand becoming more animated and gesturing as he spoke. “I had a lot of foster parents like that. Well, that and I went to a Catholic school when I was younger. Ended up biting my tongue as a defensive mechanism more often than not.” 

[shutteredfocus-blog]

frxgilite‌:

“Oh, you know.” Julian gives a loose shrug, “Everyone. My father in particular. I think he’d be thoroughly impressed with your work. He’s a photographer, too, you know. But, by no means an artist.”

His smile softens as he gazes fondly across the table, openly admiring Nate. He’s only distracted by the waiter who soon returns to collect their plates. His expression turns sheepish as he’s asked if he’s done, his plate still full of perfectly cooked, now-gone-to-waste food. He nods, and apologizes with his eyes. The waiter doesn’t seem to judge as he clears the table, nor does it deter him from offering a dessert menu.

Julian’s whole face lights up.

“Yes, please.”

The young baker chuckles and reaches for his wine. A few more sips drains the glass completely. The waiter takes it with him before disappearing again to fetch the menu. Left alone once more, Julian laces his fingers under his chin.

“Tell me something,” he bats his eyes, “Do you prefer the term boyfriend or partner?”

My father. Nate’s heart seems to stall and then give a frantic skip to find its rhythm again. This seems fast, a bit much too soon, but outside of his reeling thoughts, he truly doesn’t mind. 

Nate can’t deny that he’s had idle fantasies about the other outside of their talks of book recommendations and art. There’s a certain ease he finds in Julian’s company, and it’s hard for him to not stare when Julian isn’t looking---especially the times he lingers at the bookstore to read during one of Nate’s shifts. 

His face feels fit to burst, smile stretching far into aching cheeks. A hand covers his eyes as he turns even redder than before. “Boyfriend,” he finally answers, still hiding. It takes a moment to find some composure and meet the other’s gaze. 

“Sorry---um--” A smile briefly flickers across his features. “I didn’t. . .assume this was...a date. Not that I mind at all,” he rushes to add lest Julian misinterpret what he’s trying to say. “Just...I’m an oblivious idiot,” is finished with a breathy laugh at his own expense. 

[murdershawty]

[shutteredfocus-blog]

❛ i grew up before children were special. ❜

the comeback kid! // accepting

    His lips turn loose of the green Starbucks straw in his mouth with an audible smack. The indulgent drink is likely to get his blood sugar soaring to new heights, but it’s been a long day. Nate doesn’t know if it’s about to grow longer with this man’s comment or not, but he bites---out a sense of curiosity and not knowing when to stop. 

   “ ‘M not sure if that’s supposed to be some kind of millennial pot shot or--social commentary about how the emergence of the American teenager changed family dynamics in the 1920s.” A dark brow quirks, and there’s a vague wave of the hand holding his drink. “You’re welcome to clarify---if you want---but my reaction is going to widely vary between those two.”

[ohisms-a]

*  JOHN  MULANEY ;  THE  COMEBACK  KID.

❛  we’ve all gone too big too fast and then run out of the room.  ❜ ❛  block letters and cursive look good together!  ❜ ❛  yeah, but the past is the past.  ❜ ❛  i mean we’re all violent here, but you’re very friendly.  ❜ ❛  i don’t give off that vibe.  ❜ ❛  you could pour soup in my lap and i’ll probably apologize to you.  ❜ ❛  i’m so open and vulnerable.  ❜ ❛  i love saying “my wife”, it sounds so adult.  ❜ ❛  marriage is gonna be very magical.  ❜ ❛  ooh, who’s that fella? i bet he did kill his wife.  ❜ ❛  how could another person kill someone?  ❜ ❛  i’m not gonna do it, but i totally get it.  ❜ ❛  it’s creepy to have an ex out there after things have ended badly.  ❜ ❛  anyone who’s seen my dick and met my parents has to die.  ❜ ❛  that’s not even a situation.  ❜ ❛  hey, you seen any loose milk?  ❜ ❛  i don’t know if you can tell that from the… everything about me.  ❜ ❛  … and a hush falls over the room.  ❜ ❛  isn’t it weird how that became a scandalous thing?  ❜ ❛  it was just some boring shit i had to do on weekends.  ❜ ❛  aw, she’s ugly!  ❜ ❛  wouldn’t you give like a million dollars to see that wedding video?  ❜ ❛  ‘cause you know how you lie to your parents?  ❜ ❛  what? huh? what? when? when?  ❜ ❛  let’s see, what problems can we solve?  ❜ ❛  that’s not how you talk.  ❜ ❛  let’s change it to trick ___.  ❜ ❛  it’s like having a baby that’s also a grandma.  ❜ ❛  oh, the things i have seen, you cocksucker.  ❜ ❛  ___  is my best friend in the world, i give her a million kisses a day.  ❜ ❛  you are no longer the alpha of the house.  ❜ ❛  look upon your sovereign,  ___,  and  tremble!  ❜ ❛  it’s haunted, but it has a lovely kitchen backsplash.  ❜ ❛  i love real estate agents. i mean, they are the true heroes.  ❜ ❛  it was like hanging out with my mom.  ❜ ❛  they always have that ‘fun mom’ energy.  ❜ ❛  so, there’s no toilets.  ❜ ❛  well yeah, that’s how all of life works.  ❜ ❛  this is an on - fire garbage can.  ❜ ❛  this is an on - fire garbage can. could be a nursery.  ❜ ❛  sometimes babies will point at me, and i don’t care for that shit at all.  ❜ ❛  you’re never too young to learn our national no - snitching policy.  ❜ ❛  fell deadly silent, is what they all did.  ❜ ❛  no one wants to applaud the penis of a 32 - year old weirdo.  ❜ ❛  i had no supervision when i was a kid.  ❜ ❛  i grew up before children were special.  ❜ ❛  i’m so horny and angry all the time.  ❜ ❛  and i have no outlet for it, so…  eggs.  ❜ ❛  i think emily dickinson’s a lesbian.  ❜ ❛  you can imagine the kind of stress that i’m under.  ❜ ❛  i’m telling you three weeks in advance.  ❜ ❛  that’s exactly what you won’t ask.  ❜ ❛  and then, he ordered one black coffee for himself, and kept driving.  ❜ ❛  in retrospect, that’s the funniest thing i’ve ever seen in my life.  ❜ ❛  what do you do to afford v-necks, ___?  ❜ ❛  ah, numbers. the letters of math.  ❜ ❛  no one look at me or i’ll kill myself.  ❜ ❛  thank you, no one will ever see me again!  ❜ ❛  who could she have been talking to?  ❜ ❛  i need you to believe me.  ❜ ❛  one feels like a duck when one is splashing around in all this wet!  ❜ ❛  i think about that every goddamn day.  ❜ ❛  that’s the wonderful thing about crazy people, you know?  ❜ ❛  eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs.  ❜ ❛  a very upsetting thing to hear, yes?  ❜ ❛  if you eat ass and suck enough dick, one day you can sell drugs.  ❜ ❛  one black coffee. same motherfucker.  ❜ ❛  my feet were not on the ground.  ❜ ❛  he never forgets a bitch, ever.  ❜ ❛  then it is revealed that she has NO hand.  ❜ ❛  you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclaire.  ❜

[thatbrokyle]

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Styx - Renegade

Greatest Hits

[shutteredfocus-blog]

fullofhcart‌:

“i’m a detective after all.” she chuckled back at him. she hasn’t really heard much about him. nothing was good or bad. he just kept a low profile, kept to himself. nancy just saw him around and gave a friendly smile if they made eye contact. she shrugged with a joking grin. “i didn’t even know there were any secrets to dig for.” she knew her way around when it came to solving a case. she just liked to problem solve, she always has. her mother was a detective and her father was a lawyer. it seemed to be fate almost. but she started to wonder if he read about her articles, followed her mysteries that allowed her to go all around the world. “i think you’d like my friend george. she likes the same things too.” it may be nice to talk to someone who genuinely liked those kinds of things and knew more about it.

Nate could only grin in return, eyes alight with a certain mischief. Truly, there were no terrible, deep dark secrets for Nancy to uncover. There was plenty he didn’t like to talk about: the bad foster homes, his actual name, the slow to heal wound of never knowing his parents. But that was hardly the makings of a real mystery. 

Either way, he diverted before she could take interest into asking more about him, latching onto the mention of this George. “Yeah? You’ll have to introduce us sometime then. Maybe over pizza?” Food was always good and usually better when share with good company. “The more, the merrier, right?”

[shutteredfocus-blog]

piper-aileen-lenox‌:

Casual physical contact was just a part of how she interacted with others. They were usually mere platonic gestures that seemed to come naturally; a hand on a shoulder here, a hair ruffle there, to the point that it wasn’t even something that she thought about anymore. The implications of any of her gestures were not things that she usually considered, given that most of her friends understood that she showed her affection tactically. However, that didn’t quite account for the acquaintances who weren’t quite close enough to know that this was simply her nature, not her attempt to do anything that was intentionally flirtatious. 

Not that that was something that was much of a problem for her, but when Nate squeezed her hands back, it was enough to make her acutely aware of what he might think she was doing. 

Still, she kept her hand in his, even as minor dilemma came to her attention. She hadn’t been flirting on purpose when she’d grabbed his hand, but if that’s what he interpreted it as, she figured that she couldn’t complain. “I’ll let you know because I’ll have to call in too. So, you’ll know when I do. As long as I remember to make Mark give me your number.”

He couldn’t deny a growing sense of excitement. Coming this far from home had been daunting as a mere prospect, even more so once his plane had touched down at the airport. Nate had no one here, but now it seemed like he would have a group of creative misfits to call his own, a place to belong. 

“Or I could give it to you now.” He snickered, already tickled at the quip he was about to make. “Mark may never make it out of that port-a-potty alive, and I’ll never know the joys of live Rocky Horror. I could put it in your phone if you’ve got it or---”

It was with some reluctance that he let go of her hands and started to dig through his bag. A marker was finally plucked from the depths of it and held up proudly. “We could get real old school about it.”

[shutteredfocus-blog]

I’ve definitely been slacking on some replies over here lately. Nate’s been a bit finicky with me muse wise, but I’m gonna hop into the drafts and see what I can get done. Apologies for the wait and thank you to those of you who are patiently waiting for a response. 

[jedavu]

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Lonely Day - System of a Down

[shutteredfocus-blog]

@lostcne

    pierre searches through the night sky to get some sort of answer. who would have known that a three-word question could be so loaded? he surely didn’t. ultimately he doesn’t find the right constellation to give him a response. however he didn’t feel bad nor did he feel good, but he felt like nothing. pierre figures nothing is better than something, because something would probably make things more complicated than they need to be.

    ‘ i think so. yeah. ‘

    Curiosity and a pinch too much of human empathy is what often leads Nate into these situations. It’s easy for a person to climb so far into their mind that it’s hard to come back down. He doesn’t know if that’s the case or if there’s something more troubling resting on this man’s shoulders. 

   “Good,” is the neutral answer. His breath fogs in the cool night’s air, and his hands are already shoved deep into his pockets for protection. “Don’t know about you, but it’s colder out here than I like. I’m thinkin’ about getting a cup of coffee.” A sidelong glance is taken. “I’ve got enough change to spare for two---if you like scalding hot drinks for free.”