I'm Still Here

I'm Still Here

[shxdcws]

"This probably is going to ruin everything, but I am in love with you."

Fin blinks, frozen for a moment as reality hits him. And then it slams back and he’s lost for words. Fingers dance over a tattoo’d covered forearm as he tries to rationalize. He’s spent countless nights watching over the Gilbert household, making sure she’s kept safe from the list of dangers Elena seems to find herself in.

This isn’t bad, but it doesn’t seem good either. It isn’t bad news, and while his gut is twisting into knots and churning from anxiety, it doesn’t seem to be the same kind that he’s filled with went worried over the girl. This is something different, but just as terrifying to him.

“That doesn’t ruin anything,” His voice is soft, a soothing calm over the thick air between them. “That’s...It’s good.” Internally Fin slaps himself. He’s never been all that great with words, being that he tended to stay quiet most times, but this was taking the cake as worst possible way to share his feelings. 

Eventually a smile breaks through, followed by a short breath of a laugh, and those dark brown eyes light up with a new life. “You sure about that though? I mean, you haven’t hit your head too hard or anything right?”

[shxdcws]

"you have no idea how hard it was to stay away from you."

His fingers curl tighter into Jack’s shirt, not wanting to let go as tears continue to stream down his face. He hates this. He hates how hard it is. He hates that he’s so afraid all the time. He hates that he feels trapped. He hates that his dad can’t just let him exist without pain. 

“I’m sorry,” Kade finally manages through a tight jaw. “But it’s better like this, it’s safer.”

[shxdcws]

❝ ‘cause i know you got a bad reputation. ❞

A long sigh passes by her glossed lips, Mich nodding along for a moment. “Yeah, that’s usually what happens when you can’t talk to women without feeling like you’re going to pass out...” Realization hits her suddenly; realization that she isn’t even sure what reputation they’re talking about. Realization that she’d said all of that out loud. Realization that she’s now staring directly into their face mouth stuck in some weird buffering motion of attempting to speak. 

[shxdcws]

"Just kiss me already!"

Blue eyes gaze just past her, avoiding any kind of open emotion. He can’t risk it. He’s seen what can happen, and if Tristan’s entirely honest, he’s not sure it was worth it again. “I think I’ll pass,” he just manages to huff out, turning now to reach for his drink and taking a long swig from the warming bottle. 

[shxdcws]

"I shouldn’t be in love with you!"

Pearly whites sink into another bag, Jason acting more distant than usual. He didn’t even look at her, eyes avoiding any sort of contact, any kind of connection. 

“You’re right, you shouldn’t be.”

[shxdcws]

“I’m blushing…”

The entirely unimpressed face before him reeks of sarcasm, Kyler standing before them, smug grin still plastered right over his face. “Wouldn’t have pegged you as a liar,” It’s a weak attempt at a quip, though his confidence is still unshaken. Rather than backing down, Kyler tries again, this time with his hand supporting his weight against the wall. “How about you share your number, and I get a real blush outta you in the future?”

[shxdcws]

“just tell me you don’t love me, and i’ll leave you alone.”

"What?” Thin brown furrow deeply as Nathan tries to decipher Jack’s sentence. It seemed as if it came out of nowhere. Sure they’d been talking about relationships, and what their past experiences were - what they both wanted and hoped for. But this? This felt almost out of left field.

“Jack? Why would I say that?”

[shxdcws]

cont. - x

Her head twists, a tight scowl turned towards the honest man, and finally Hayley huffs. “But I don’t want Mexican. Buy your own dang food and stop mooching off of others.” Her eyes turn to the delivery app once again, scrolling through the limited options. “What about....sushi...?”

[shxdcws]

cont. -x

Jayden spins, apron flowing freely from the speed, only to catch Eli, frosting at the corner of his lip. “Put. The spoon. Down.”

[shxdcws]

“you know i can’t just be friends with you.”

“Oh,” He feels the hurt before it shows on his face, Hunter never one to really catch up on things all that quick. “Is this like....a bro breakup?” Yet again Hunter pauses. “This isn’t because I kicked your ass in Smash Bros is it?”

[shxdcws]

❛ plot twist, moved on and now you want me. ❜

He blinks - staring blankly at her for a moment before finally nodding and looking away. “Sorry,” it’s a soft mumble compared to his usual animated chatter. Somewhere he knows it was the alcohol making her say this, somewhere logic spoke out that she wasn’t herself - and yet SJ still stood there, confounded. He knew it wasn’t true, he’d only just gotten the courage to say it. And sure the timing was poor but - 

“I really didn’t mean to spoil you’re night.” Quieter than before, SJ begins to move away, fingers fidgeting between his shirt and the collar. “I gotta go...take care of something. We can talk...later.”

[shxdcws]

cont.     

Jayden can’t help the chuckle that comes watching Alice wobble on his board. Not even moving forward and she’s a squirming mess. “I promise,” he adds, keeping a close eye on her footing. “I’m only so cool ‘cus I practiced a lot and fell a lot.” Jayden offers a careful smile, doing his best to distract from the blonde’s fear and uncertainty. “But that’s why you got me, I’ll catch you if you lose your balance, just tell me when you’re ready to move a little.”

[shxdcws]

“i haven’t been able to get over you. i don’t think i ever will.”

“Bro,” Hunter says, eyes hazy as he clumsily pushes off the floor. “Bro it’s okay. Yer’my main gay man, dude.” He slurs with a slight stumble, managing to collapse on the couch beside Jack, closer than what should be considered friendly. “Jus’say the word, and you can touch my abs’n dick maybe if it’s hard or somethin.” A hand comes up, ruffling through thick curls as Hunter leans in closer to his scrawny best friend. “You’ll alllllways have a place as my main bro.”

[shxdcws]

“do you… not want me anymore?”

"What?” He’s not sure the word even fully comes out, rather a sound that he manages to choke on somehow. Nervous fingers toy with the fabric of his shirt as SJ stammers out a few more vowels, panic in his eyes. “No, no I just, I don’t know. It’s not safe and all that.” 

[shxdcws]

“i didn’t mean to push you away.”

Kade chokes at an attempt to clear his throat, eyes burning with tears he refuses to let fall. 

Not here. 

Not now.

“No, yeah, I know.” Another glance away. Off to a distant tree, a cloud, a girl jogging by them. It was a lovely day, and yet somehow reminiscent of dark and gloomy storm. “Things just happen, not like we can always help it, right?” 

Kade attempts to smile, cracking his facade of nonchalance for a painful one closer to oblivious. He’s sure he’s failed. “Besides, you were my friend before all this anyways. I don’t see why you can’t still be that somehow.”

[shxdcws]

“ teach me how to kiss? ”

"Oh-kay,” Hayley nearly yells, placing a solid foot between her and Jack though his long arm stays lazily drooped on her shoulders. “This is how I know you’ve had way too much to drink.” She begins to stand, hand firmly at Jack’s wrist as the other reaches to help him off the couch. “Come on, buddy, time to go home and get some water.”

[shxdcws]

“ kiss me ”

Had he heard her correctly? Was she mocking him? All past experiences had told SJ that moments like these weren’t ever done in any kind of seriousness - yet Elena seemed to hold true. She hadn’t moved, hadn’t cracked a smile to give away any sort of sign that this was all a joke. Some kind of prank.

“You - You mean now or like ... ? Or uh, on the lips? Cheek. You probably mean cheek.” He sputters out, hands flat against the couch he sat on, heart racing as his face flushed.