Why?

❕Tired of life ❕

[sickofshitsickoflife]

It sucks to have your best friends see someone who has hurt you. I have been so vocal about it. I don’t feel heard. I don’t feel seen.

I feel so much betrayal and i never expected them to hurt me like this. They did not acknowledge my hurt, which sucks. Have they become the people i avoided my whole life?

I don’t know if i know them anymore and i don’t think they know me too.

This fight will either make us stronger or make us drift apart.

All i want is acknowledgement and an apology.

I also need to know their views for me to move on.

[sickofshitsickoflife]

I hate everyone

I hate my friends

I hate my sister

I hate the world

I feel so much envy

How do people not give a fuck

[girltalk]

December will be filled with joy.

December will be filled with love.

December will be filled with trust.

December will be filled with peace.

December will be filled with clarity.

December will be filled with miracles.

December will be filled with blessings.

[sickofshitsickoflife]

I don’t belong here. I’m meant to be out there and see the world. I don’t feel like myself and I don’t fit in. As much as i try to, I can’t. I’m constantly so anxious. And i hate it

[sickofshitsickoflife]

I feel really hurt and betrayed by what happened. We always said that as best friends, we would drop anyone who hurt one of us — and I honestly believed that. But when this girl left me out and made me feel excluded, and I was open about how much it affected me, you guys still chose to see her. It makes me feel like my feelings didn’t matter and like the promise we always talked about didn’t apply when I needed it most. I feel invalidated because instead of prioritizing how I was hurting, you chose to be respectful toward someone who hurt me. And the part that stings the most is that it wasn’t even necessary — you could’ve just said you were already with friends. If the only reason you saw her was to be polite, then it feels forced, not sincere, and it wasn’t worth hurting me over. I didn’t think you would ever do something like this to me, and now I’m left feeling confused, disappointed, and honestly heartbroken.

[sickofshitsickoflife]

It’s weird how when I used to go out and party, drink a lot of alcohol, stay up til 5 in the morning, I was “cool” and it felt like I was invited to everything.

But i grew up, i found out I don’t enjoy drinking til I pass out, I don’t like staying up so late to party. Ever since I stopped going out, i feel like i’m the least sought after friend and I became bland, boring, stale.

Why does society perceive that people who drink every weekend and party is a cool thing?

I feel so lost and I really don’t think i belong here. Maybe i’ll thrive in a different society. Maybe when i get out of this hopeless country, i’ll be happy.

Maybe when I love myself enough, i’ll be happier. I’m on that road right now and I can’t wait to just love life.

[vintageeveryday]

Lovely paintings of English countryside by Henry John Sylvester Stannard.

[sickofshitsickoflife]

I always feel like the odd one out in the group. Like there’s always duos in an odd group and i’m left by myself, in family and friendships. It sucks when people don’t come to you first which is so egotistical but it is what it is, it’s nice when you’re their go-to person. And I feel like lately, I need to get out of here. Away from my home away from people and start anew. I feel like i’ll find my place and people when I get out of here.

I can’t wait to live abroad, scary but i’m on my own and that’s all i’ll ever know and that’s okay. I’ll meet new people and see the world and maybe even get a dog so I don’t feel so damn alone.

They say friendships lasts a lifetime but what if my lifetime stops now?

[sickofshitsickoflife]

I’m starting to puke my food out again.

I hate the feeling of being full.

Like i’m not allowed to feed my body

Like i’m not allowed to gain weight

Like i’m so obsessed with the way I look in pictures

[sickofshitsickoflife]

I always say I can be vulnerable to the people i keep close to my heart the most. But sometimes when you bring them along they tend to forget you’re right there. It sucks feeling invisible, to be excluded by my best friend and boyfriend who i thought could understand me the most. I’m not sure how to deal with this. Am i making it about me? Are my feelings even valid? Am i too sensitive?

[sickofshitsickoflife]

I don’t know if i can do this anymore. I’m exhausted and i don’t want to be here anymore. I thought love was simple. Why is it so fucking complicated?

[sickofshitsickoflife]

My therapist told me journaling should help me.

I guess here’s where i rant.

My boyfriend can be very mean hen he’s stressed. He explodes so fast which makes me explode right away too.

I hate fighting. I hate problems. I don’t want to deal with them. I try my best to avoid any problems so i don’t have to go through arguments after arguements.

[sickofshitsickoflife]

I think i’d rather feel numb than care at all.

Caring is so fucking exhausting.

Should i be heartless so i don’t get hurt?

Is this how it’s supposed to work?

“It’s great when it’s good, it’s bad when it’s bad”

We’re stuck in an emotionally abusive relationship.

To be honest, i don’t like the way i’ce become. I don’t like how i’m toxic in the relationship and so is he.

What if i just

Stopped?

Karma will do the work for me right? If he cheats, he cheats. If he’s touchy with other people, he’s touchy.

What can i do? His decision.

[sickofshitsickoflife]

If i try my best and can’t even make my other half feel good, am i really his other half?

I don’t think i should be in a relationship

I don’t think he nor i deserves to feel this shit.

I am really tired

It hurts to be said to your face that he doesn’t even think i care about him when i do almost everything for him even if i’m exhausted.

And maybe he does the same

It doesnt change the fact that we’re both exhausted.

I want someone who loves me way more than i love them

[sickofshitsickoflife]

He would if he wanted to

[sickofshitsickoflife]

I noticed that I have lost myself. I used to have confidence in myself in terms of going out and posting in social media. Now i’m just scared. I can’t even post in my dump account because i’m too anxious. I used to post a lot. I used to not give a shit but now i care more. I wish i didn’t.

Some people don’t deserve my love and care but i still give it to them anyway. Though i try to stop myself, i can’t.

But i have to. It’s the only way not to get hurt. I deserve to be cared for. I deserve to be loved. And i deserve to be treated right.

I can’t keep doing this and i also can’t keep letting him hurt me.

How to love a little less? How to care less?

[sickofshitsickoflife]

I often think I don’t belong in this cruel world we live in. Life can be beautiful but it can also be a depressing hole of darkness. I’m in that hole as weird as that sounds. I’ve been hurt, i’ve hurt and i’m still hurting. I don’t feel content. I don’t feel satisfied. I don’t feel accomplished.

I don’t feel very happy. I became stale and gray. I really badly don’t want to be here. I’m drained by the people i love and the people that love me.

If i could stop and end my life right now, i would and that would make me content.