Old, New and Overused @sickonmysweater - Tumblr Blog

Last week I reverted to old habits that need to be left in the past. I let my eating disorder creep back in and threw up my food. But really, it wasn't creeping back in. It is always there. A constant, persistent voice in my head telling me what I can eat, what I shouldn’t eat, planning it all down to every last detail and punishing myself when it doesn't go to plan. I will always have that. But at least for now I am determined to put the demons at bay and keep all my food down. It has to be this way. It can’t go back to how it was. Though I am curious, what is it like to just ‘be’?

It has been 5 years since you and I. Not that there ever was a ‘you and I’. So why do I still think about us when I feel alone? Why does it still make my heart hurt when I remember the pain I felt? Because you made me feel worthless. You made me feel even more insignificant than I already did. Please, please can I get over that feeling already? It has been half a god damn decade.

Or here

#balalake

Wishing I was back here

#myface

pinepizzalove-blog

Going back to Lancaster makes me feel weird. It’s such a small place, it’s almost like when your in it it’s the whole world and you get sucked into this strange, circular way of life. The people don’t change, the places are stagnant. I’m glad I got out, and grateful for the lessons my time there thought me.