Taking Time

✨Finding Inner Peace✨ Just a girl trying to battle mental illnesses as well as everyday life. Feel free to enter my world. If I have posted some of my own poetry please leave my credits on there 💖

[sidelines-and-headlights]

Who knew falling in love with someone was this easy, yet this complicated.

[thegrungeways]

[her-minds-a-mess]

Maybe you don’t put a steel blade to your wrist, but you constantly guilt yourself over a past that eats you alive.

Maybe you don’t abuse drugs, but you go from toxic relationship to toxic relationship because you weren’t taught any other form of love.

Maybe you don’t pop pills, but you drown yourself with liqour and parties because you’re too afraid to be alone with your thoughts.

Maybe you don’t have a traumatic past, but depression consumes you and you feel it isn’t valid because you’ve “had a good life.”

And maybe you haven’t tried to kill yourself, but you don’t feel alive either.

Self-harm, like abuse, is not just physical. It’s in your thoughts, your lack of action, and things much less visible. Treat your mind as your friend, if you wouldn’t tell your friend that she was worthless, ugly, and messed everything up, catch yourself when you do the same.

[emilydb]

it’s 4am. You’re sleeping. I’m crying.

[wonderland0darkforrest]

Haven’t we all

[emanuelee]

xx

[my-vanishing-hope]

It is currently 3:50 am and all I want to do is sleep and forget about this reality for a while. I can’t believe that 7 year old me dreamed of being able to stay up this late.

[wonderland0darkforrest]

I wish I didn’t speak

[wonderland0darkforrest]

[toomuch-taxing-formybrokenh-blog]

I fell in love Tonight.

[melancholy-lover]

I am becoming numb to the things I once loved. The stars don’t seem to shine as bright, and the grass doesn’t sway as magically as it did once before. The ocean is crashing panic instead of relaxing waves. The leaves that used to crunch lay deadly flat. I still remember a time where these things were important, but now they all seem so..dull.

-Melancholy Lover

[wrxst-deactivated20220116]

[maroonediary]

The tectonic plates of my heart, shift and slip under the weight you inflict upon it. Being reduced to dirt, it is.

You could have heard it scream, only if you hadn't dismiss, the deafening thunder as fragile sounds.

[typelikeagirl]

[sidelines-and-headlights]

Definitely feeling this today, after only 4hrs sleep and constant nightmares. I would to wake up one day and all the events disappear out of my life so I’d never have the trauma running through my veins. But unfortunately it doesn’t work like that. I’m trying to battle something no one else can see and not many understand.

I do have good days where I am actually happy but my god, my bad days are like I’ve hit rock bottom all over again. This is my rocky road to recovery. I’m hoping one day I can get through this all properly

[painarchive]

i promise that my promises mean something

[sidelines-and-headlights]

My Story

There are many times I’ve start and started writing my story, many times I’ve deleted it and started again.

Most people see me as the girl always smiling, laughing, outgoing, always helping others and strong.

This isn’t who I am behind closed doors when my emotions, mind and trauma take over me. I am consumed by my own thoughts, nightmares, night terrors, panic attacks, uncontrollable emotions and flashbacks during the day.

I always try to hide the constant battle I am going through by laughing and smiling.

It’s something no one ever imagines going through and to those out there that do, I feel your pain.

My story starts at aged 11, constantly going to the doctors as something wasn’t right. Which then finally the age of 14 I was officially diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and told by doctors that I couldn’t have children or would have extreme difficulty in conceiving and less than 1% chance a pregnancy would go to full term. This is a lot for a 14 year old to take in.

*Trigger Warning*

This part of my story is the main spiral to my mental health problems.

At 15 & 16 I was raped.

From those days I became a statistic.

I was so upset, embarrassed, ashamed that I did not speak out about this ordeal for some time. Only a few people knew about it for a very long time.

It was only recently 6 years after the first occurrence I have only gained the confidence to talk out about it and start seeing a therapist.

I have constant nightmares and flashbacks of these events, which lead to my diagnosis of PTSD, serve anxiety and depression. This alone left me feeling suicidal and wanting to end it all but I couldn’t let him win. If I ended my life he would have won.

I am still struggling with serve PTSD, serve anxiety and depression but trying to fight as much as possible and try not let it rule me.

Since then there has also been many things that have changed me and added to my story, such as being cheated on, lied to, walked all over, taken for granted and other life events. These all still impact everyday life.

Many of you would have never guessed what a smile could hide. I’ve always been the strong one lifting others up because I know what it is like to feel that way.

I am taking everyday as they come, some much worse than others. It’s taken me 6 years to finally start focusing on me and focusing on trying to over come my mental state.

If you got to the bottom of this, thank you for reading my story. My inbox is always open for those suffering in silence not ready to fully speak out.

Thank you to all those who knew about my story before this, thank you for supporting me on my really dark days and being a shoulder to cry on.

I am no longer silenced about my story, although it has taken me many years to actually speak out about it properly.

I do not wish for sympathy, I only want others to feel more confident to be able to speak out before it is too late. If you relate to my story please message me, you are not alone.

As much as I am a victim, I am a survivor and will keep going every day hopefully taking small steps each day until it no longer has a control in my life.

[purplebuddhaproject]

“I still get very high and very low in life. Daily. but I’ve finally accepted the fact that sensitive is just how I was made, that I don’t have to hide it, and I don’t have to fix it. I’m not broken.”

— (via purplebuddhaquotes)