0:12am The eyeliner streaks on my face make me look a bit like the joker. I don’t mind this particularly. Maybe now people will stop asking if I’m okay. 0:54am It’s raining outside. I think perhaps even the skies are crying for you. Can you hear them? 1:38 am I threw that bear you gave me across the room and one of his button eyes fell off. I think that broke my heart more than you leaving. 2:46am My mother says she is concerned for my mental health. I am laughing, a little too loudly, and telling her I am fine. I don’t tell her I am worried too. 3:10am I played my music a little too loudly and woke the entire house. I’ve been told to get a grip. This song reminds me of you. 4:17am I am exhausted, but not from sleep deprivation. I am exhausted from feeling too much and not feeling enough. My lungs are collapsing and I wish I could stop clutching at empty spaces as though they were your hands. 5:49 am I have so much left to tell you and the walls are terrible listeners. But at least they won’t leave. Come to think of it, they are better listeners than you ever were. 6:13 am It’s almost light. I am going to watch the sunrise by myself and perhaps today I won’t feel so pathetic. Perhaps this is me finally getting over you. Yeah. You never deserved me anyway. Screw you. 7:45am Well, that was a stupid thought. Come back. Please come back. I swear we can start over and pretend this never happened. We can do everything again and this time it will work, I promise. 8:00am Oh god. You’re not coming back are you?
Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #36 (via blossomfully)
