i pour my feelings here

this is a place where I will post personal stuff that I don't want anyone I know to see.

[sielunroskaa]

Kinda still mad at couple of my friends.

[sielunroskaa]

Im mad at... everyone... rn.

[sielunroskaa]

Riitelen mun siskon kanssa ja lähetän sille meemejä, ja instagram ei ees ehdota sen tiliä mulle, vaik mie laitan sille viestiä päivittäin. Jotenkin insta tajuaa, et ollaan nyt kauempana toisistamme. Istutaan kuitenkin saman pöydän ääressä. Vittu.

Vittu vittu vittu.

[sielunroskaa]

Missä vaiheessa musta on tullut se ongelmalapsi?

[sielunroskaa]

So straight-passing that when I told someone my former crush's name, which is a very regular female name, they asked "but they're a man or?"

[sielunroskaa]

In 2025, I:

-got desired romantically by two men (first time being given male validation and im so happy about it, it feels my greatest achievement and i know some feminists will want to crucify me for this)

-made 2 very important friends who both live veey far away

-spent 4 months in a different country

-made my worst mistake yet (made someone feel unsafe). I hate this.

-wore lots of pretty clothes

-had a first date? For the first time?

-spoke to a youtuber who raised me and told me she means the world to me.

-talked to my school friends about my love life for the first time (i have never ever done this before) Speaking out my feelings and experiences helped.

-opened up to a person I used to be smitten with and finally felt the years of heaviness leave my chest

-got a crush on a man

-sewed my first pride-themed patch on my overalls

-became more independent

-indirectly came out to one (1) school friend. (this was huge for me. I felt dirty after)

-studied hard and also not so hard

-passed finals!

-saw northern lights :]

[sielunroskaa]

First love can be a traumatic experience

[sielunroskaa]

I Might be some sort of a love addict

[sielunroskaa]

I hate myself so hard

[sielunroskaa]

Mourning 2 heartbreaks in 1 night

[sielunroskaa]

The good ones ARE always taken

[sielunroskaa]

Also why the fuck did I feel like he still kept glancing at my direction?! That was confusing. Maybe that's just his way of being, glancing constantly around. Or maybe I just kept seeing him so much that it looked like he kept seeing me too.

[sielunroskaa]

Stages of a Crush:

0. The 'oh' moment

1. The beginning

2. The insecurity stage (ive just entered this)

[sielunroskaa]

3. The crush is taken so the defeat

4. Breakdown

5. Acceptance

6. Lingering

7. Moving on

[sielunroskaa]

Crush update:

I felt i was head over heels for him and I kept seeing signs that he likes me also. But today I saw he had a little vampirebite on his neck. He is dating one person that I have also met. They did look pretty hot when they were dancing and I was like, yeah that makes sense I kinda ship it.

But it did sting pretty bad when I saw them holding hands and kissing good-bye. I truly felt like this man was made for me.

Can't even be so mad cause I also like the person he is dating.

[sielunroskaa]

I feel like I'm about to puke

[sielunroskaa]

Tfw you wanna date a guy but he just wanted to recruit you to become a volunteer

[sielunroskaa]

Stages of a Crush:

0. The 'oh' moment

1. The beginning

2. The insecurity stage (ive just entered this)