“I don’t know if you’ve changed any since middle school but I really hope you’ve learned the difference between pranking somebody and just being a fucking bully.”
You can also find this story on Ao3!
Prologue / Chapter One
[PROLOGUE]
I can’t stand pranksters. The people who jump out from closets to scare you, the ones that dump water on your head from the roof, lock you into lockers – bullies.
It was the 3rd grade. Somehow, I’d become the target of anybody who was bored enough to concoct some dumb prank. The combination to my locker had somehow been spread throughout my class, so often there was something waiting for me inside. Glitter, empty plastic bottles, balloons. Harmless things, at least. I preferred them to getting water balloons thrown my way on my walk home to school. I wasn’t relentlessly bullied to the point of contemplating my own death at the early stage of life that is elementary school, but it was enough to keep me from making any friends aside from my older cousin, Christopher Hartley.
Chris’s class was next to mine, so often we’d walk to my locker together to see what was inside. But this time, it appeared, things would be different.
The bell rang and I stood to leave my class. I said goodbye to my teacher and walked out into the busy hallway. Immediately my cousin Chris dashed past me with some other boy I’d never seen before. Hushed whispers passed between them, leaving their own classroom as if they were sneaking out. I hate to admit it, but my curiosity was piqued. Instead of following behind, though, I decided to head to my locker.
But I paused when I saw the boys standing in front of it, stupid grins on their faces. Chris, and the other boy he’d run off with. Joshua Washington. I couldn’t help but frown. A notorious prankster, and my worst enemy. He loved to make me cry the most. And now all of a sudden he was best friends with Chris? And they’re standing at my locker?
This couldn’t be good.
“What did you do to my locker, Joshua?” I asked. Josh held his hands behind his back and rocked back and forth on his heels as though he were innocent in whatever it was that had happened to my locker.
“I didn’t do anything,” he claimed. He smiled, flashing his teeth at me. They were crooked, but he had them all. “I’m just standing next to my best friend Chris!”
“What did you do to my locker, Chris?” I turned to my cousin. He was horrid at hiding things. He looked at the ground and said nothing, despite the grin on his face. I let out a huff and pushed past them, pulling open my locker.
I screamed as two plump, white rats run out of my locker. I fell backwards and spilled the contents of my backpack, the papers sliding out nearly halfway down the hall. I looked up through my tears and saw everybody in the hall looking my way. The feeling of betrayal weighed heavily in my chest – Chris was supposed to protect me from this. Chris and Joshua are laughing at me. The other kids are laughing at me.
Hi I was wondering if you are going post chapter 10?
I do want to and I am planning on it, but as an adult things keep getting in the way, unfortunately. Full time employee and student and I just bought a fixer upper house. Sighhhh
“I don’t know if you’ve changed any since middle school but I really hope you’ve learned the difference between pranking somebody and just being a fucking bully.”
I'm not sure how long it's been when I feel hands on my shoulders, shaking me awake.
"Wake up, wake up, please," I hear Josh's voice, his sobs a whisper. It's a struggle to force the fatigue from my eyes. "Get up!"
"I'm awake, I'm awake," I groan, irritated. "What's going on? Are you ok?" Josh lets go of my shoulders and he falls back next to me on the couch, as if defeated. He pushes the palms of his hands over his eyes, as if trying to hide the obvious tears streaming down his face. I scoot closer."I... I don't know. I feel so guilty." Hannah and Beth flash in my mind. I suddenly, bitterly wonder where Sam went. Why does he want to talk to me now? I shake the stupid, immature thoughts from my head. Josh needs me. I scoot closer to him and place a hand on his knee, rubbing small circles onto his jeans.
"It's not your fault," I sigh. It's not an original thing to say in the slightest, but what else am I supposed to say? "What can I do?"
"There's nothing you can do. You'll -" Josh lets out a sob, clearly unraveling. "You'll hate me too, soon. So soon. Give it until the morning and you'll wish I'm dead."
"Woah, Josh!" I take his wrists in my hands, pulling them from his face and forcing him to look me in the eyes. "What in the world is going on? Is something going to happen?" I glance over to the table for a moment, where a Ouija board sits. I don't know exactly went down, but I can't imagine it was anything good.
"Please don't hate me,"
"I don't-" a rag is suddenly shoved over my mouth. Instinctually, I stop breathing. Freezing in fear can come in handy, sometimes, apparently - but as I dizzied, eyes locked with Josh's, it occurred to me that I was still a second too late, and I'm gone.
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I'm waking up again, but this time my hands are tied behind my back.
"What the... what the fuck." I take a look around me as I - again - blink awake. I'm sat on a stool in a very cold shed, my hands tied behind me around a pole.
Josh tied me to a pole.
Why?
I furrow my eyebrows. I can't help but start to feel a bit frantic. I do my best to breathe, stay calm, but it's proving to be somewhat impossible.
"Josh?" Silence. I gulp. "Chris?" This has to be a prank. A return to form. I open my mouth to yell again, and an otherworldly scream rips through the night. I freeze. It sounded close.
It sounded so close.
I'm dead. I don't know what it is that is going to kill me, but I know I'm dead. My skin grows colder than it already was, goosebumps sprouting across my skin, the anxious sweat in my armpits and palms making me even colder.
I try to keep my stillness aside from my hands toying with what restraints I could reach with my finger tips. Any movement could let whatever is outside know that I'm in here.
Stuck in here.
There are moose in the area. It has to be a moose. An elk. Whatever antlered thing is out here. I've never heard them sound like that, but what else could it be? I wonder briefly if Josh knows there's something out here.
Josh knows there's something out here.The idea that Josh knows there's dangerous animals nearby and he put me in their crosshairs hits me like a freight train. He had done horrendous pranks to me before, but tying me up in the freezing cold in his coat with the knowledge I could be mauled is a whole new evil.
His coat.
It's now when I realize that Josh had, for some reason, put his coat on me. The same one from the year prior. It smells the same, but I'm just confused now. Why? I had my own coat on.
The sound of branches splitting apart rings throughout the forest, making me jump so hard I hit my head on the pole I'm restrained to. I bite back a curse as I writhe. My breath leaves my nostrils in a cloud of mixed emotions. Anger, fear, heartbreak. Tears escape me, now. Another scream.
I don't even know what's going on.
One minute, I'm taking a couch nap in a log mansion, and the next, I'm fearing something I can only hear. I don't know what it looks like. I don't know what it can do. I don't even know what it is. I know a certain amount about animal behavior. Look bigger than them, and -
I see a piece of it.
A limp.
I still completely as I watch a pale, boney hand suddenly claws into the hard ground at the opening of the shed, as if it had jumped there. I don't know what to do. I don't breathe.
Just don't breathe.
Don't dare fucking breathe.
The thing continues to move, jerkily. I see a foot, next, and I realize it's doing a 360. It screams, the mere sound shaking the wood panels of the worn down structure. My lungs burn, and I let out the slowest, quietest possible breath out of my nostrils. On the inhale, it moves again, further into the opening of the building.
I snap my eyes shut. I don't want to see it. I don't want to see it see me. I don't want to watch it tear me apart.
I hope it doesn't hurt too badly.
I hear another scream, quieter but closer, as if it's searching. It's in front of me, but not too close yet. I know it's fully inside the shed now, but why am I not dead?
Slowly, while listening as closely as possible, I carefully continue to fumble with my restraints. It crosses my mind that, now, in the most stressful point of my life, that I am impeccably calm. But when the creature huffs again, I take it back immediately.
It's right in front of me, practically in between my legs.
I will my eyes to stay shut and my body to stay still as I manage to get one end of the rope in my fingers enough to tug at. A very small spark of victory flickers in my head.
Until I feel it.
At the exact moment I pull at the rope, a freezing cold hand places itself on my left thigh. Then another on my right.
The weight of the thing increases as if it's using me as leverage, using me to stand. It's pushing itself taller, and I can hear it sniffing the air. I'm shaking, now, and I can feel the sweat on my body soaking my undershirt. For half a second I wonder if whoever finds the body will think I don't use deodorant.
What stupid shit death makes you worry about.
A sudden movement, and I barely don't cry out at the painful weight as the pale thing jumps onto my lap fully, it's hands suddenly finding places elsewhere. One on my shoulder, and the other on the top of my head. Realization hits me, then.
It doesn't know I'm alive.
Is it blind?
It's cold. That's for sure.
The claws of it prick at my scalp painfully, and unfortunately the hand on my head is where it decides to place all of it's weight as it reaches it's head upwards to get as much height as possible. I allow the weight to move my head downward, somewhat, and I pull the end of the restraint again.
It loosens and it falls, a thump as the shockingly heavy rope hits the ground.
Have you ever had a cat or a dog of some kind laying on you or near you, calm and comfortable, before it suddenly decides to run off somewhere and they use you as a springboard?
My spine from the deepest part of my neck to halfway down my back cracks so hard and painfully I barely hold back a gasp, my eyes snapping open in shock. It was as if my body had been yanked hard from both ends. It crashes through the wall of the shed, screaming as it breaks every tree branch it passes.
It's a miracle my neck wasn't snapped in two. Shattered, even.
Slowly relaxing, I once again observe my surroundings as the small tremors plaguing my body become violent. The hole left was massive, and unfortunately allowed all the wind I'd been previously shielded from into the small hut. I can't move, the adrenaline locking my body in place.
It was painful, the amount of tension in my body. I know that if I am to survive this, I will be so sore tomorrow. Maybe I should make my way to a hospital.
Rubbing my wrists, I furrow my eyebrows in thought. I was tied to a pole by a heavy rope and left here. By Josh, it seems like. If he wanted me hurt or just out here, freezing, why did he tie the rope so... badly? It was as if he was trying to be some sort of gentle with his killing of me. Or maybe he's toying with me.
I don't know.
It turns out I don't know anything about him.
I wonder, now, how in the world I'm supposed to move forward. I could stay here, hunker down in the corner of the shed, and wait there until someone came looking. I stand, weakly, as I move towards a sheet of metal that leans against the back wall.
I walk around the outside of the shed to place the metal over the hole, just small enough to be covered completely. It would do to keep the majority of the wind out, staving off hypothermia if it were to come to that.
Other options cycle through my mind.
I could make my way back to the main cabin. With all of the hours spent in search parties, I know the area like the back of my hand. I could get back to the cabin in 15, 20 minutes. The only problem being that there is at least one thing out there trying to kill me - not counting Washington. He could be watching me right now.
I turn around, my eyes flickering around the shed. There's nothing for me, here. I'm hungry, I'm cold - and I need to get help. Warn the others. I shake my head and take a deep breath, zipping up Josh's coat as high up as possible. Another look around tells me there isn't any kind of weapon I would think could be successful against a fast, heavy thing. I sigh, my body rattling.
"Let's get this over with." I swallow, stepping out of the building.
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Josh stares down at your sleeping form laying on the couch, quiet sobs continuing to leave his body in painful hiccups.
"I'm sorry," he whispers, wiping tears from his face. "Please don't hate me." He's gentle as he touches you, slowly sitting you upright. "You'll laugh when this is over. I promise." A weak smile twitches onto his expression and he brushes the stray hairs from your face. He's not going to hurt you. He's protecting you. He knows that, if you knew what he had planned, you would stop him.
That cannot go unpunished.
Josh moves across the living room to the coat rack, but he finds himself unable to remember which one is yours."It's really cold out there," He says. "My coat is warmer, anyways." He plucks the coat you had borrowed the year prior off the rack and smiles gently to himself before sniffling again. "I know you like this coat. Maybe you'll be happy when you wake up, if you're wearing this." He moves you gently, as if you're a fragile doll that could shatter at any minute. "Or maybe you would understand me. Understand what I want." His eyebrows furrow, pausing for what feels like a hopeful moment before he shakes his head. Once both of your arms are through the sleeves, he pulls you forward as to let the coat smooth down around you.
"No. You're better than me," Josh whispers, scanning your sleeping face as if you could somehow respond. The twitch of an eyebrow, a change in breathing, but of course there's nothing. "You wouldn't hurt anybody." He leans forward, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.
He kneels down in front of you, his mouth twitching into a small smile at the embarrassing drool beginning to leave your barely open mouth. He wipes it from your lip and attempts to close your mouth by lifting your chin, but as soon as he lets go your mouth is open again.
He can't help but chuckle a little, but his expression doesn't take long to fall.
"I won't hurt you anymore, okay?" He whispers, pulling you forward as to drape you over his shoulder. He's stronger than he looks, able to stand with only a little wobble. He makes sure you're warm and asleep as he shifts you around as to not drop you, to make sure that you'd be somewhat comfortable - as if you could be, right now. He opens the door and steps out, looking both ways just to be sure no one was outside.
A few feet down the hill towards the shed, Josh begins to talk again.
"This could be good for us, you know. If we could... if we can be cool together after this, I mean, we can withstand anything, right?"
"I don't know. This is pretty serious." You respond, resting your jaw on your hand, your elbow digging slightly into his back. Josh flinches slightly.
"I'm doing the right thing." He says, quietly. "You'll thank me when it's over, okay? I'm not a bad person."
"Nobody ever said you were a bad person." He wobbles a little as you calmly sway your legs as if you were a little girl.
"Not to my face." Josh whispers. "It doesn't matter, anyways. I know... I know you're still asleep."
"How do you know that?"
"You would cry." He says this quickly, as if it's scientific fact. "You would freak out. Hit me."
"Isn't that what you would do if your trusted friend chloroformed your ass and threw you over their shoulder to tie you up in a cold ass shed?" Your body goes limp as you groan in frustration. Josh doesn't answer. "I think most people would."
"I don't want to hurt you, anymore. I've done enough. Whether you hate me afterwords or not..." he pauses, taking a shaky, tearful breath as he steps over a gnarly root. "It will be better for you. Either way. Worst case scenario for me is the best case scenario for you."
"Mhm, and that's why you've been ignoring me?"
"I can't let you get to me."
"But Sam can?"
"Sam..." Josh whispers. His heart trembles. "She knew about it. She knew."
"Then why?"
"I don't know. I don't have to tell you." Josh steps into a shed, barely warmer than the weather outside. As he places your limp body down slowly onto a stool, he sighs. "You're not real, anyways. It wouldn't matter." He looks up at your sleeping form from his knees, his eyes sad and pitiful. "It will never matter. You've always hated me. You always will. I won't bother you anymore." Just like inside the lodge, he takes the time to fix your hair before he makes his way behind you and grabs your hands.
As he ties your wrists together, he takes a moment to admire your hands. Soft, but not perfect. Not unused to work. He remembers how they feel upon him, when you had been so gentle a year prior. They ghosted upon his skin like you feared he would catch on fire from too much friction.
"I miss you." He sighs as he ties the restraints. "I really do. I always will. You'll be glad to be rid of me, when this is all over." A hand on your shoulder as if it's consoling. "I promise you."
"Just get out of here already. I'll decide if I hate you or not, Washington." You look up at him, glaring. "Grow up." Josh stares at you, blankly.
"No. I can't. I've still got a few pranks to pull." He smiles to himself, as if it will be funny. Because to him, it will be. Everyone will be mad at him for a while, sure, but they'll come back around eventually. Even if they don't it wouldn't be the first time he would be alone.
With the exception of his sisters.
They won't be there for him this time. It crosses his mind that at least he never had you in the first place. Maybe it will bring him some peace, to be without you, once and for all. No more pining, yearning. Or would it get worse?
You do seem to like him. Or, you did.
"No, no no no no..." Josh starts to mutter, shaking his head, slapping himself. "She doesn't care. She doesn't care. She hates you. Fuck you. Fuck!" He chokes back a sob and turns on his heel, leaving you alone and unconscious in the cold, dark shed.
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My trudge through the woods goes as uneventfully as I could have possibly hoped. I was almost to the lodge by the time I'd heard anything more from the monster in the woods, and it was far away enough that I could keep my shoulders somewhat relaxed as I continued on.
The first annoyance is a fence that won't open. It was manually closed and locked from a computer or something from inside the lodge. Luckily, it's low and easily climbable, but the exhaustion in my body from the constant shivering makes it miserable, anyways.
My fucking neck hurts.
I swear for a moment that the stretching of my spine had to have made me an inch taller.
Once I'm over it, struggling more than I'd like to admit, I just stand there for a little, getting my bearings and my thoughts together as if I'm suddenly in a safe zone. As if that thing can't climb over fences. As if it would even be an obstacle for it.
I let out a breath I was holding, watching it puff out in front of me and swirl away into the wind. I even close my eyes and listen for something, anything, and there's nothing. So I continue on.
When I get to the door to the lodge, I let my head fall against it and sigh - again - before I finally open the door.
"Josh? Chris?" I call out, anger starting to prickle on my skin. "Sam? Emily?" There's nothing. I make my way towards the kitchen, my pace continuously picking up as I got more and more heated at the situation I had woken up in. Woken up just to be knocked out and forced to come face to face with some fuck ass cryptid. "This isn't funny, you guys. It's not funny at ALL." I go quiet and listen again, for anything. There's some kind of noise from downstairs, a low, buzzing sound and crying out. I nearly sprint towards the stairs, barely not falling down in to the basement as I practically flew, skipping steps.
I hit the ground and pause again to pinpoint where I should go next. I choose a hallway that seemed right and ran down, the noises getting louder. As I turn a single corner, I slam directly into a wall of a man.
"Oh, fuck!" He shouts, barely catching you before you could fall. Once I got my bearings back, I couldn't even believe what I was seeing.
"Mike?" Sam shoves past him to see you, too. "Sam? What the fuck? What the fuck is going on?" Mike is disheveled and dirty, as if he had been working in a coal mine and had taken up a part time job as a chimney sweep. Sam was clean, but similarly afraid-looking and shocked.
"We don't know. I don't know. Something is happening." Sam whispers, quickly. "Chris and Ashley - we think they're through this door." Sam points at a door that is just behind them.
"Jessica is dead." Mike chokes out, his eyes brimming with tears.
"Jessica? Dead?" I swallow. Jessica is dead. Sam grabs both sides of my face, forcing me to look at her.
"Hey, hey. We need to get Chris and Ashley."
"Where's Josh?"
"We need to get Chris and Ashley." She puts her forehead against mine, and for a moment I think about how insane it is that things had been so awkward and uncomfortable with her before. She's my friend. I nod, barely not sobbing at the news of Jess's death. She could be cruel, sure, but she could also be sweet.
"How did she-" Mike and Sam quickly shake their heads as they turn around and, without warning you, burst through the door. I follow them as quickly as possible, shoving Jessica from my mind as much as I possibly could for the time being.
There sits Chris and Ashley, restrained to a table, a gun in Chris's hand. They're not crying, but it waws obvious they had just finished.
There was nothing but shock and fear on the faces of everyone present, with the exception of a man in overalls and a mask.
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Hey everybody, thanks for your patience. Here's a chapter! I plan on finishing it.
“I don’t know if you’ve changed any since middle school but I really hope you’ve learned the difference between pranking somebody and just being a fucking bully.”
You can also find this story on Ao3!
Chapter Seven / Chapter Eight / Chapter Nine
Note: I really do not feel like writing every single story beat. Please forgive the many blank areas and time skips.
[CHAPTER EIGHT]
There was never a funeral.
No bodies, nothing to bury. Just two missing persons cases, left unsolved.
"Josh!" I call. "Wait up, I can't see you!" The winter was nearly over, the slush of the melting snow still heavy on the forest floor, seeping through my boots and soaking my socks. Josh continues forward ahead of me. I huff. Around the forest are police officers, Chris, Sam, Josh, and I. Josh and I had paired up when the search began about an hour prior, but he had begun moving fast enough that I struggle to keep up. "Josh, please!"
"Hurry up, Jordan!" He calls back. There's venom in his words, like he hates me for not being fast enough. I grit my teeth. He's not angry with me, he's just grieving. I think, though it still hurts. I huff again, my face burning with frustration despite my understanding. I want to give up, to just stand there for a moment and catch my breath, but I fear he'll disappear with his sisters, if I do.
I suspect he wants to.
So I speed up.
"Josh, please slow down!" I beg.
He doesn't.
I can't help the tears that form at the edges of my vision, the cold weather and the cold shoulder from someone who had been so warm towards me - even if just briefly - hurts me more than I'd like to admit. Despite my best efforts to be understanding, it hurts.
I call out again, but Joshua is either too far away to hear me or he's ignoring me. My lungs are on fire from breathing in the still-cold air so heavily, having to stomp quickly through the mud just to fail to keep up with Josh.
It's a few minutes before I find him again.
I approach an opening in the woods where a damp wooden picnic table sits. On the bench of it was Josh, staring downwards, the sun shining brightly on his back. I want to say his name again, but decide against it. Instead, I slowly approach, walking around to the side opposite of him. I sit down, slowly, and immediately frown, the wetness seeping into my jeans. I look up at the man in front of me.
He's crying.
Tears flow gently down his blank expression as he sits there, his arms folded neatly in his lap. He stares straight down as if watching his tears soak quickly into the wood. I don't know what to say. All words escape me, the fear of saying something wrong holding my mouth shut. I think for a moment before I stand up again and move to sit next to him.
Josh doesn't move an inch as I sit. As if going to pet a growling dog, I lift my hand slowly, hesitantly, to place it on his back. I see his muscles tense, but as I move my hand away he turns his head to look at me. His eyes are blood shot and sunken in, dark, as if he hadn't slept in days - and I'm sure he hasn't. He hasn't shaved, either, the lower half of his face darkened by a five o'clock shadow.
Josh takes my hand in both of his and squeezes it, his mouth downturned, holding back a sob. I'm trying so hard to steady my breathing, to stay calm as he shakes, but it feels impossible. I have barely kept it together, myself. I can't help but fear that I can't help Josh, either.
"I'm sorry." I murmur, quietly. He squeezes his eyes shut and moves our hands to his mouth.
Finally, he breaks down, sobbing, holding my fingers as if for dear life.
I let him.
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"Hey, Jordan," Sam greets. I turn around with a start, pulling my headphones down to hang around my neck. "It's been a while." I glance at the ground for a second before I look at her.
"Hey, Sam." I say. It comes out colder than I mean it to. I blink and widen my eyes as if willing myself awake before smiling at her. "Sure has. Uh, early Spring or something." Sam shifts her weight uncomfortably.
Ever since the prank everyone pulled on Hannah, I haven't been able to help the grudge I've held against the entire group - myself included. Logically, I know I had no part in what pushed Hannah outside. Chris nor I were a part of the prank. But I can't help but wonder, if I hadn't made Hannah so angry, would she have come to her sister or I for solace instead of running outside? I sigh.
"Yeah, Spring," Sam confirms. I'm sure she can sense my hostility towards her, her anxiety giving away her discomfort and guilt. Everyone outside of Josh, Chris and I had moved on, as if it all never happened. Sam, at least, regretted it. Her guilt was obvious, even before the 'prank' even happened. "...I wish we hung out more over the Summer. Only seeing you when I could come to search parties isn't ideal."
"Yeah, I guess so," I murmur. "How has Josh been?"
"You guys haven't been talking?" My lips press together into a thin line.
"Uhm, no, not really." Sam furrows her eyebrows in confusion, but I can't help but note the slight sort of relief in her eyes, and my own eyes narrow. "Why?"
"You guys just seemed to be... I don't know." I stand alongside Sam as the bus appears down the road. "You seemed to be getting along really well... he told me you went to every search."
"Of course I did." I say. I wince slightly at the accidental venom in my tone. "...I would want people to look for me, is all." Sam nods slowly as the bus stops in front of us, the doors opening. We sit in the same row, but opposite aisles, each of us choosing a window seat. The divide between us is unfortunate. I really liked Sam - I still do. I don't know why I feel sick at the sight of her, despite my appreciation of her as a person.
I think it's how out of character it is for her to have been so involved in such a cruel and heartless joke. Nobody would ever look at Sam, know her, and believe she would ever have a part to play in trying to lure someone in to record borderline revenge porn. I wasn't close with her, but at that time I wanted to be. The betrayal of knowing someone is better than this is a hard one to forgive.
The ride is silent and cold. Sam puts earbuds in, tucking them under her thick, furry hat. She looks pretty, but other than her hat she didn't look properly dressed for the deep snow that lay on the ground. You'd think that someone who loved to hike would know how to dress properly for the outdoors.
I put my own headphones back on, pulling up my phone to a link texted to me. I hesitate, as it's from Josh - he had previously used this method to jumpscare me before. However, what he sent me just turned out to be his own l YouTube-like video welcoming us back to the lodge.
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Sam and I get off the bus in the exact same spot as the year prior, a sense of nostalgic dread washing over me. The biggest difference is my own attire - I remembered a coat this time. As Sam and I trudge through the snow like we'd done before, I can't help but let out a defeated, dry laugh as I think about the amount of times now that I'd climbed this hill. Sam glances at me out of the corner of her eye, her eyebrow twitching.
"What's funny?" She asks.
"I'm keeping up with you this time," I grin. I don't look at her as I say this, my eyes glued to the ground and scanning the terrain as if I haven't memorized every bump and curve of the trail - I don't want to trip. "I'm basically a hiker, too, now." I try to be lighthearted but Sam only frowns, indicating she understands how I'd gotten so much stronger. "Over this last year, I've never walked so much in my life."
"There's the fence," Sam says blankly. I look up from the ground to see it. "Up ahead."
"You don't say."
"I do."
Sam isn't funny like Josh or Chris.
As we come up to the fence we notice a letter. Sam gets to it first, taking it and reading it.
"It's from Chris. He says we have to climb over."
"Climb over?" I repeat in disbelief, my eyebrows raised. "No way Chris climbed this." Sam bursts out laughing, a pleasant surprise.
"It is pretty tall."
"It doesn't look too bad," I assure - though it's more to myself than Sam. She not only likes to hike, but climb, too. "Those rocks look... Scalable."
And they are.
We squeeze our bags through the fence before climbing over the stoney wall. Sam can't help but show off, jumping for ledges and grabbing them.
"Impressive, but I'm surprised you didn't grab a sheet of ice at any point." I grunt. I'm shockingly not out of breath as I reach the top behind her.
"Thanks. And honestly, me too, though I was more worried about my foothold than anything else. And moss."
"Moss is pretty slippery." Sam jumps down from the wall, landing as gracefully as one can. I only sigh before dropping down myself. Though I don't break anything, I let out a 'huff' and an ' ow.'
"Should've landed on the balls of your feet with your knees bent." Sam chastises me as she gets her bag.
"I did."
After more walking we finally make it to the cable cars. Sam hums in thought.
"Chris was supposed to meet us here, like last time." she starts. I point out his bag on a bench, and we walk closer to it. I look around to spot any hiding places he could hide, knowing my cousin loved scaring people. When I deduce there were no dark corners to jump out of, I lower my guard. "What do we have here?" Sam oo's. It's Chris's phone.
"None of your concern," I say, mocking her tone.
"Then he shouldn't have left it where my concern is," Sam responds, a devilish grin on her face as she takes Chris's cell phone out of the backpack pocket before he greets us. Of course, he catches Sam with his phone, and he isn't happy about it.
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After a detour to watch Chris shoot some guns and a ride up the cable car with the discussion of consequences, we find Jess waiting for us at the receiving end of the line. She grins widely when she sees me, her hair longer than it was a year ago and tied into two French braids. I smile at her as best as I'm able as she pulls me into a hug.
"Hiiii Jordan!" She squeals, jumping as her arms lock around me. I bend my knees to match the jumping, but my feet don't leave the ground.
"Hi, Jess." I smile softly as she pulls away, an envelope in her hand that Chris swiftly takes. As Jess protests, he holds it too high for her to take back and argues that if Sam got to be nosey, so can he. It's here that I find out some shocking news.
Michael and Emily broke up, and now Jess is his new girlfriend.
"Oh, wow, I'm.. happy for you guys." I say, unsure of what to say. I know my expression negates my words, and Chris, Sam, and Jess all look at each other. The feeling I had the previous year of possible acceptance was void. I think for a second about how odd it was that nobody told me - or even seemed to know. It must have been recent. We continue on, leaving Jess to wait for Mike. After even more walking we finally come up to the lodge, where the rest of the group awaits us. For the majority, I haven't seen them since the last year. At the sight of them, now, a spark of anger flickers in my chest. I say nothing as everyone else greets each other. Sam walks past me quickly and approaches Josh, who smiles widely.
Josh.
I don't know how he's holding it together. He'd told me previously that he didn't know if he could see anyone from that night again - outside of Chris. So seeing him, now, being so friendly with all of them, was a surprise. I knew he wanted to try, hence inviting us all back this year.
However, I can't help but wonder about my own standing in his eyes. Shame and embarrassment heats my face against the cold weather, so I stand back, shoving my hands into my pockets as everyone talks. I want so badly to talk to him, but I figure it's not my place right now. Sam was his preference of conversation, anyways.
Though I try not to eavesdrop, I deduce that the door is frozen shut. Josh and Chris are going to go get it open. Neither of them look at me as they walk away and around the house.
"Hey, Jordan." I turn towards the voice. It surprises me greatly that it came from Emily.
"Hi, Emily." I return the greeting, my body moving to face her's. She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms as if I'd somehow said something wrong. "...how are you?"
"I'm fine and dandy, thank you." She scoffs. I furrow my eyebrows and chew on the inside of my cheek. I feel like I'm in deep trouble but I cannot fathom what I could've done to upset her. "So, what's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Okay, well-,"
"You haven't said hi to Josh yet."
"...so?" Emily kisses her teeth, her hands moving to her hips.
"So... He lost his sisters and is back where he lost them on the anniversary and you haven't said hi." Sam approaches and touches Emily's shoulder gently.
"Em-"
"Don't touch me," she scoffs, shrugging the blonde off. "I'm just telling you it's rude." I bite my tongue at the hypocrisy. Despite the fact that she wasn't wrong, she herself hadn't bothered to go to a single search party nor reach out to anybody. Not me, at least.
"I'll talk to him when the-the time is right." My teeth start to chatter, causing me to stutter.
"Whatever you say." she sighs. Suddenly, the front door of the lodge swings open and some animal escapes it, growling and snarling as it does. I gasp as it brushes against my leg, nearly falling backwards.
-+-+-+-+-+-
It was a rough start to the first night.
Emily - who I learned was now dating Matt - and Jess are no longer friendly, battling each other for no good reason. It was like two cats hissing and spitting at each other until Josh stepped in about how this isn't what he wanted, and sent both Jess and Mike out to the guest cabin. As he goes out to talk to them, Matt and Emily talk about some bag Emily can't find and they argue until Emily convinces - or orders - Matt to go with her to get it. As I sigh heavily on the couch, both stressors leaving, Sam places a hand on my shoulder and squeezes gently. I look up at her but say nothing.
"I'm going to go take a bath," she says. "Are you okay?"
Despite my annoyance, I sigh and nod.
"Yeah, I'm fine." She hesitates before letting go of me and heading slowly up the wide stairs.
I don't move, locking my gaze on the fireplace in front of me, thinking about the year prior and how much had changed.
The lodge felt emptier than it did with the twins. Hannah's excitement and optimism, Beth's calm encouragement and parent-like responsibility - the lack thereof felt wrong.
We shouldn't be here without them.
I nearly jump at the sound of one of the lodge doors opening and closing, Josh coming back inside. I pretend not to hear him, my heart rate spiking. He hadn't responded to any of my messages since we sat at that picnic table months ago, giving me anxiety over the uncertainty. I was shocked I was even invited. Is he going to talk to me or ignore me the whole time?
My thoughts are answered as he places his hands on my shoulders from behind the couch.
"Hey, Jordan," he greets me with a whisper. "It's been a while." I say nothing, the unexpected hello has left me with no words prepared. I lean my head back so I'm looking up at him, seeing him upside down.
"Hi, Josh. How're you doing?" My tone is less than friendly, and I can tell it makes him tense.
"I'm better... Now that everybody is here." I nod slowly.
"It's going to be a good weekend," I say. The awkward tension is thick in the air, but Josh smiles wide anyways at my words.
"It sure is. I have some real fun stuff planned."
"Like what?" I quirk my eyebrow.
"It's a surprise," he murmurs, putting a finger to his lips. At the lack of positive reception, Josh's smile somewhat fades. "Are you okay?" I shrug.
Josh left me hanging over the rest of the Spring and the entirety of the Summer and Autumn. We hadn't exchanged a single word until he sent me the invite. Although I honestly didn't want to come, I felt like he might've needed it.
But that didn't mean I forgave him.
It was hard enough becoming just friends with Josh, ignoring our past, but now he had abandoned me. At first I had brushed it off as he needed time and space, that he was isolating - but then I'd learned he was talking very often with Sam while he continued to leave me on read.
So I stopped reaching out.
"I'm fine." I smile softly as I answer, but Josh's expression makes it obvious that he's not satisfied with it. He opens his mouth to speak when from the top of the stairs, Sam's voice echoes down towards us.
"You don't have any hot water!" She sings, hopping down the stairs with a grin. At the sight of her, Josh pulls away and removes his hands from my shoulders. Its as if I disappear when Sam walks into the room. When she spots me still on the couch behind him, her smile falters slightly.
"I must've forgotten to turn the boiler on," Josh mumbles, walking towards Sam. Ashley and Chris, who were in the kitchen, enter the room as well. "Hey, here's an idea," he starts, clapping his hands together. "Why don't you two go grab a Ouija board...." he motions towards the unofficial couple. "While Jordan, Sam and I go turn on the hot water?"
"That won't be necessary," Sam cuts in. Everyone, including me, turns to look at her. My eyes narrow in offense. She straightens up awkwardly and continues. "Uh, Jordan told me she's afraid of the dark." I look around at the completely dark lodge that I'm in, making a show of how she's obviously lying. Then I look at her, eyebrows furrowed.
I'm confused. Obviously she wants some alone time, but lying is very unlike her.
"No, I'm not. But I am allergic to dust." I lie. If they want time together, who am I to stop them? Oddly, Josh seems hesitant, turning back around to look at me. I look away from them, waving my hand dismissively. "Begone with you. I'm just going to take a nap." I can't see him, but I do hear him sigh and walk towards Sam and to the basement.
I turn back around as the two couples leave me alone, Josh's footsteps stopping multiple times as if he were stopping to look at something. It's now that I finally let a tear slip.
I'm upset.
I'm really upset.
I was at every single search party. I answered every phone call and every text, watched Josh sob and yell.
Is this the thanks I get?
I dedicated myself to finding the twins and being there for him, and he drops me like nothing. For what?
Sam?
I choke back a sob. I can't believe I had thought, for even a moment, that Josh Washington carried a nascent amount of respect or care for me in him.
----------
Sorry for the sort of abrupt ending, wasn't sure how to continue right there lol. Hope you enjoyed, next chapter soon!
Not sure if this will be multiple chapters or not. Depends how it does, maybe?
[Reader is 25]
[No warnings]
Word count: 3.3k
-+-+-+-+-+-
Rays of sunlight pool onto you and your bed through the blinds of the window, the light of a new day nudging you awake as it slowly crawls it's way across your sleeping form. You groan as it makes it's way directly into your eyes. You turn over to postpone your awakening, but it only takes half an hour for it to reach your face once again. You want to go back to sleep.
But you can't.
You reach out from under your blanket for your phone on the bedside table, exposing your arm to the cold air of the early Spring. With a slight shiver, you grab the device and pull it quickly towards you, simultaneously pulling your blanket over your head to trap the warm air of your breath and body.
You wipe the wetness from the screen from your breath as you skim through your notifications, hoping for anything interesting to appear, a good morning text, a recommended article. However, nothing. Aside from your normal spam emails and the weather, there was nothing of note on your phone today. You turn your phone off and lay there, briefly weighing the decision of staying in bed all day rather than going to work.
However, you are just fine. If you call in, you will feel guilty.
And you'll make less money.
With a quick glance at the clock to decipher how much time you have to get ready, you begrudgingly roll out of your warm, comfortable bed and into the cold air and make your way through your home and to the kitchen.
Nothing sounds good.
You think, scanning your cabinets and fridge for your breakfast choices. You're out of milk, so a bowl of cereal is out of the question. A mental note is made to pick up a gallon on the way home from work, though you make another mental note that you'll likely forget anyways.
Coffee it is.
You make your way back into your bedroom and get dressed, business casual being the dress code for your boring office job. Black slacks and a pale blue blouse under a black suit jacket will do just fine, with shiny black shoes and a long black button up coat to protect you from the weather. Despite the cold, the office was close enough to walk, so walk you did. Every day, no matter the weather.
As you step out of your door and into the sunlight, you flinch. The sun hadn't shown itself this brightly in weeks. As grateful as you were for the warmth on your skin, the robbery of your vision was not so beloved. You fumble in your pockets as you begin to walk, finding your sunglasses and putting them on as you make your way towards the office.
The bustling city wakes up with you, cars driving past and people walking by. Though you weren't downtown and in what some may call the outskirts, it was still the city. Buildings still tower over you despite the smaller businesses that make up most of the street and marijuana and/or cigarettes can still be smelled at random.
No matter your feelings for the scent of cigarettes, however, you didn't appreciate the cloud blown directly into your face from your left as you turned the corner.
"Oh, shit," you curse, waving your hand in the air and stopping in your tracks. You squeeze your burning eyes shut as you make a face, briefly concerned about the smell sticking to your clothes. The man does not apologize.
"Watch where you're going." He says blankly, more smoke escaping his lips - at least he has the consideration to aim it away from you as he speaks. You scoff and kiss your teeth, smoothing out your clothes as you continue your walk.
A minute passes before you hear the sweet tingle of the brass bell in front of the door ringing as you enter your favorite café. You breathe out a sigh of relief as the smell of freshly ground coffee beans replace the bitter scent of tobacco and nicotine that hangs in your nose. Taking a deep breath, you approach the counter. The tall man in front of you orders a medium black coffee.
-+-+-+-+-+-
"I thought you didn't smoke, (y/n)." You look up from your computer and over your blue light glasses to look at the woman sat at the desk in front of you, turned around to talk. Slowly, you take off your glasses and fold them before tucking them in your breast pocket.
"I don't." You say.
"You smell a bit like cigarettes."
"Somebody blew their smoke straight into me on my walk in this morning. Even so, it's impressive you can even smell it." You tilt your head down to briefly smell yourself. You're met with the scent of coffee, your deodorant, and your laundry detergent. "I can't smell it."
"You get the sense after smoking a pack a day for a few years, I guess."
"What do you need, Cathryn?" You say this as politely as you're able. Cathy had the habit of trying to spark a conversation with you before asking a favor, as if to ease you into saying yes. She was terrible at it. Even so, she smiles sweetly.
"I was just wondering if you could deliver this for me." She smiles shyly, slowly holding up a small white box below her eyes. You look at it and furrow your eyebrows, frustrated at the interruption in your focus for something so miniscule.
"...to where?"
"Upstairs. There's a law firm a floor above us and I've got my eye on this one that's gained quite the reputation. He's foreign." You press your lips together in a tight line and keep your eyebrows knitted together.
"Foreign?" You repeat. There's a slight disappointment in your voice at the woman.
"He's from Japan. Immigrated here a few years ago." She sighs. "His English is just excellent." You can't help the faces you make. "Stop frowning, you'll get lines." Your forehead relaxes immediately, mostly just in surprise of the sudden motherly chastisement.
"You've always got your eye on somebody," you sigh. "How old is he? 20 or 60?" It's Cathryn's turn to frown, her face growing red in embarrassment. She had a habit of setting her sights on men that were either 20 years her junior or 20 years her senior.
"I heard he's in his 30's." She huffs. Though your glasses are in your pocket, you look at her as if over them.
"You've never talked to him?"
"...No. But we've ridden in the elevator together a few times when I've worked overtime."
"Then how do you know his English is good?"
"I heard him talk. He still has an accent, but-"
"What's in the box?" Cathryn huffs again, and you're tempted to tell her that her face is going to get stuck like that.
"It's nothing, actually. I'll give it to him myself." She crosses her arms and turns back around dramatically.
"Great, let me know how it goes." You sigh, retrieving your blue light glasses and returning them to your face. It doesn't take long for the woman to turn around to face you again. Before she even speaks, you sigh heavily and the glasses return to your pocket.
"You at least have to see him, (y/n). You'd understand. He's a very handsome man. Your classic tall, dark, and handsome."
"I'm sure he is." You're done with the conversation now, not even bothering with the glasses.
"Just stay late tonight. He usually stays until pretty late, around 9 or so."
"There's no way I'm staying that late.. and it's creepy that you know that."
-+-+-+-+-+-
You look at the clock.
9:03 pm.
A grave sigh leaves you as you close out your final project for the day. A few of your coworkers were still at their desks, typing away on their keyboards, albeit slowly. It was silent in the office otherwise, and you make a mental note of the steadily increasing workload. You had been staying later recently, sure, but four hours past your time to clock out?
Thank God you're hourly. The check will be nice.
"Alright. I'm heading out." You sigh, standing up and stretching. Your coworkers hum their goodnights, and you grab your coat. As you walk to the exit, putting it on, you notice a man - Jason is his name - snoring softly. His fingers are still on the keyboard and his screen saver reflects off of his clear skin. You would think he was just sitting their with his eyes closed if the snoring hasn't given him away.
"Jason." You say, tapping his shoulder. He jolts awake, causing you to jump as well.
"I'm up!" He says, a little too loudly. You can't help but laugh.
"Go home and get some sleep."
"Okay, sure, maybe I should do that... What time is it?" Jason looks around him, his pale blue eyes shifting from desk to desk to see who was still around. You pretend not to see the massive clock directly in front of the man.
"It's after nine."
"Shit."
"Goodnight, Jason," you smile. "Be safe."
"Yeah, you too."
"See you tomorrow."
You head down the long hallway to the elevator, yawning and running your hands through your hair. The sound of your footsteps on the tile flooring echoes off the grey walls. You get to the elevator and press the 'down' button with your knuckle. You yawn again as you watch the red digital number slowly count down the floors as it came closer to you. It pauses at the floor above for a while before coming to you.
Ding!
The doors open to reveal a man in a black suit with a circular pin on the left lapel, tall and exhausted. He stood with his eyes closed as if he were sleeping where he stood, his hands clasped together in front of him. You were hesitant to enter, as if you feared waking him up, but enter you did. When you enter, the button for the ground floor is already lit up.
As any elevator ride is when you're next to someone else, the air is awkward - though, of course, only for you. You worked on the 17th floor, so the ride down is long. No one else in the building had apparently decided to work the hours you did, because the elevator never stopped. You take a moment to look at the man next to you. He's tall, at least 6 foot, and his thick hair was a very dark brown, styled He is clean shaven and appears well groomed aside from the few stray hairs that fell onto his forehead, the only evidence he was, in fact, human. His eyelashes were thick and dark, and his eyebrows matched. Even though his expression was relaxed, they made him look sad, worrisome - tired. The most prominent thing about the man is his sharp features - specifically his nose. Downturned and prominent, a bump on the bridge between his eyes.
He's a handsome man.
Tall, dark, and handsome.
You make an 'ohhh shit' expression.
The elevator finally stops at the ground floor, and the man doesn't move. You wait a few seconds, and he stands completely still.
Is he asleep?
The doors start to close, so you hit the 'open' button before opening your mouth to speak.
"Excuse me," you start. The man doesn't move. "Is this your floor?" You speak quite a bit louder, this time, but his eyes don't open. You gulp, hitting the open door button again as you reach for him, anxious. "Hey, is-" as soon as you touch him, he jumps slightly.
"Oh, I..." He starts, blinking quickly. His hangdog eyes match the rest of him. Dark and exhausted. "I apologize. I must have..." His eyes meet yours. You move your arm in the doorway instead of hitting the button this time. Despite his height advantage, he turns his head downward so that his eyes look up at you. "I must have fallen asleep."
"You're good." you nod, motioning for him to exit before you. He shakes his head and mirrors the notion.
"Ladies first." Your eyes widen slightly as if processing what he said.
"Oh! Thank you!" The elevator doors close completely and you hit the button - again. You step out, flustered with the incredibly awkward situation.
"Have a good night, ma'am." He calls after you.
"You too!" You reply, only turning your head slightly and waving your hand in good-bye. It's only made slightly extra awkward that he's following you, as there's only one exit, but you're walking faster.
The cold air hits you as you open the door and you wrap your coat tighter around yourself. You shiver and huff as you do so and shove your hands into your pockets as you begin walking home in long strides, your teeth chattering. You weren't freezing, but it was times like these where you wished you'd just drive your car. But the environment.
A few minutes pass before you hear footsteps behind you, walking quickly. It occurs to you now that you're walking home alone at night in the city, and that maybe you should have asked Jason to walk or drive you home. You pick up your pace slightly before you hear someone call out.
"Excuse me, ma'am." You flinch slightly, but slow down to allow whoever to catch up. You could run, but they might chase. Turning your head slightly, you see that it's the lawyer, now in a long black coat and scarf. You stop walking and turn around to face him. "You're ok?"
"What?" He furrows his eyebrows and frowns, looking up in thought.
"Are you okay?" He clarifies. He looks back at you, his head tilted downward again. It was odd, you noted, that despite his almost ashamed body language, he exuded a dominance and superiority.
"What do you mean?"
"Well," he starts. He doesn't break eye contact with you as he speaks. "You are walking alone, and it's dark out." He glances upwards at the pitch black sky for a moment as if to make a point. "We are in a city. Can I walk with you?"
"What?"
"May I walk you home?"
The two of you stand there in silence for a minute, your eyebrows knitted together as you stare at the lawyer. His expression is blank but his eyes don't leave yours.
"I don't want you to go out of your way."
"I am already walking, anyways. It cannot be that far." You let out a long breath, watching the cloud escaping your mouth swirl and dissipate through the air.
"That wouldn't be so bad."
"...that means yes?"
"Yes."
He nods and begins to walk forward to take place next to you, and you walk together. It's a comfortable silence for a while despite the air of awkwardness. You can't help but smile a little in appreciation. He seems like a gentleman.
"What should I call you?" You ask.
"I'm sorry?"
"Your name. What is it?"
He hums as if in thought.
"Hiromi Higuruma."
Your eyebrows twitch upwards for a second before you whisper it to yourself as if it will help you remember.
"Higuruma is a pretty name. Does it mean anything?" He pauses, glancing sideways at you.
"To put it simply.. sunflower."
"That's ironic."
"I don't know that word."
"Right. Uhm, it means it's the opposite of what you're expecting, I guess. In an amusing way."
"What were you expecting?"
"I'm... Not sure. Just not that. It suits you, though." You pause before clarifying. "I saw your lawyer pin. It looks like a sunflower."
"That is because it is a sunflower."
"Exactly. Uhm, turn here." You point to the left, and the two of you stop at the cross walk, looking both ways. You start forward, but Higuruma stops you.
"It's a red hand. Do not cross."
"What are you, a cop?"
"I am a lawyer."
You can't help but laugh, and Higuruma smiles at you, offering a small breath out of his nose in amusement. Despite your usual habit of jaywalking, you humor the lawyer and wait for it to be perfectly legal to cross. When the white 'walk' symbol appears, the two of you walk to the other side of the street. It's only about another five minutes to yours, which you express to Higuruma. He nods, slowly.
"It is about the same for me."
"Really?" You ask. He nods. "Where do you live?"
"High Rise."
"That's where I live."
"....oh."
There's another awkward silence aside from you clearing your throat.
"What floor?" You prod.
"Third floor."
"I'm on the fourth."
"I leave very early. That must be why I have never seen you before."
"Did you move in recently?"
"A few months ago." He scratches his chin and looks downwards as he walks. "I suppose we miss each other." You open your mouth to say something else but decide against it, only nodding instead.
Finally, you both approach the apartment building, scanning your key cards to enter. You head up the stairs, stopping at floor three before you turn around to look at the gentleman who'd walked you home.
"This is the third floor," he speaks before you can say anything. "You are not home yet." You smile and continue up the stairs. At the fourth floor, you stop again and Higuruma offers a small smile.
"Are you good to let me go here or do you want to walk me to my door, too?"
"Do you mind me knowing your exact address?" You shrug. He has a point, but he already knows your floor.
"Our names are on our mail slots downstairs. It doesn't matter."
"Right." With this, he walks with you to your door. You unlock it before turning around.
"Thank you for walking me home, sir." You nod, bowing slightly.
"You don't need to thank me. I would have been thinking about it until I saw you next if I let you walk alone."
"Thinking about me?" You tease. Higuruma rolls his eyes weakly, but he doesn't frown.
"Safety is important. Please do find me if you are to stay that late again." Your face heats up slightly, and he notices quickly.
"Or anyone. I am sure you work with many trustworthy men."
"Thank you, Higuruma." You repeat your thanks.
"I would accept your thanks if you would tell me your name." He responds. You cringe slightly, embarrassed that you forgot.
"My name is (y/n). (Y/n (l/n)." Higuruma repeats it, sounding it out quietly to himself before nodding.
"That's a good name. Pretty. It suits you well."
"See you later, Higuruma." You say, trying and failing to hold back a smile as a light pink dusts your cheeks.
"See you later." He repeats. You turn around again and open your door, stepping inside your apartment. As you turn again to close it, you see Higuruma still standing there, and you wave as you slowly close the door, smiling foolishly. His lips twitch into a smile as he does the same before you close the door completely and he's out of sight.
You sigh heavily and lean back against the door, closing your eyes. The silly grin on your face is uncontrollable and you change into your pajamas quickly before flopping down onto your bed, giggling and kicking your feet.
The interaction was not necessarily romantic but such attention one on one with a tall and handsome man was something you hadn't experienced in a long time, if ever. You plug your phone in before tucking yourself into bed, the happy expression never leaving your face. Despite your excitement, though, you quickly began to drift off to sleep as soon as your eyes closed. There was one thing you thought to yourself right before losing consciousness.
