*taps mic* idk if there's anyone still even here to see this but some immediate family has sadly passed away and I'd like to get my affairs in order so I have no regrets or things unspoken I'd like to explain why I abandoned tumblr for many years now
I've thought about making this post for years, it wasn't until my Father and Grandmother died within 5 days of each other that I realized how short and fragile life can be so I wanted to confess I took myself out of a situation because I saw I was repeating behaviours that I feel I should have known were wrong but didn't at the time.
There is a million things I could write about how my childhood sucked and lack of education without internet lead to me being repeatedly groomed as a kid without realizing it but that is a whole other post to be made, the point is I want to make amends for what I did and apologize sincerely to those I may have been too personal with.
In my mind I was making a fanfic for a friend, it never occurred to me how weird it was because I had been groomed by eight people in my life up to that point no one told me what I was doing was wrong and when I realized I took myself out of the situation completely to reflect on myself and why I was trying to continue the cycle of abuse.
Sorry redacted, I know I shouldn't have written that fanfiction about you and redacted, I've wanted to reach out to you and apologize but I felt it was best not to because I'm sure you would prefer I didn't speak to you at all.
Redacted, I had no idea you were so young, none of us should have been pushing you to draw nsfw, I feel like it was such a different time we didn't think of that kind of thing or check people's ages before following them.
To redacted, I'm sorry if you felt the need to still be friends after redacted.
To ??? I don't even remember your name anymore to redact it but you came to me about a fanfic you wanted to write and whether it was ok to ship a teacher and student. Honestly can't remember what I answered then because all I can remember when I remember you is how I assumed you liked me when you said you liked someone which was apart of my mental illness at the time thinking everyone loved or hated me.
To redacted I think of you sometimes and I don't even feel anger just sadness and pity that you took no accountability for your actions, and maybe I didn't either but at least I'm doing so now.
To redacted idk what to even say to you, part of me thinks it was silly to push you away and yet another doesn't miss you at all. You also seen what I had wrote as vent trauma fiction, that clearly was not ok. Part of me feels like you should have stopped me but I don't blame you for not, who knows what you've gone through as well, we didn't talk much outside of the RPF ships.
There's other people whom I no longer remember that I was a total jerk/creep; I'm sorry. I will continue to avoid tumblr as it felt like a place that just feeds into your mental illness and hypes it up, maybe it's different now but I somehow doubt that.
To those of you that looked up to me, I'm sorry, I was a stupid young adult that didn't know any better and I don't expect your forgiveness or sympathy. I decided to say this for the victims that deserved closure even if they've moved on and forgot; I didn't. It has eaten away at my soul for years and as time went on I felt like saying something would be dragging up old memories for people and I should just not but with such dire circumstances in my life I felt it was time.
I am a deeply disturbed and depressed individual and idk if I'm going to survive losing my Dad. I've been neglecting myself so badly even before he passed, so I just wanted to say if my demons get me, I deeply regret what I did.
-Skry
