You walked away again; I couldn’t bare to see you leave. Yet I let you, where was my sense of chase? The sense to make sure you were ok and that I’ll never be, well. It was still there, I chased. You walked, further and further, I sat there. Aching.
I found myself Turing to the sky, hoping maybe; the stars would make me theirs today. This, that’s what I needed. A sudden release, you were gone. I walked to the edge of the dock, my body shivering. My hands shaking in the small pockets of my jacket. Nothing to save me, the water nearing close. I wanted to let myself fall, I wanted to fall and let the water take me in. Embrace its freezing temperatures and feel what I’d imagine death would be. Cold, loving, the last thing I’d see.
The oceans wave kept me at this pacing ease, my heart still hurting. So,so badly. But you were still gone, I had no one. I let myself become very aware of that fact; I have no one. I walked back and forth, letting my words flow freely through my lips. I spoke as if I were telling some sad foe my tale. I was, the water, my biggest enemy . The ocean is soemthing I admire with the greatest fear. And in the moment? All I could think of was you. And how you weren’t there to save me from it. I’m an idiot.
I whispered this, thinking any moment you would see my wallowing in my own self pity, I’m my own pain. I embrace it each time. I find the coldest comfort in its arms, the air was gently breezing and yet it sent chills up my spine. And you still weren’t here, I tried to cry. My eyes watered, I need this. Please, I- this. I need to cry, just this once let me. I near pleaded to myself, I pleaded to have a relief from this pain numbing torture I created for myself, something I found only you could truly ease. You’re gone.
I reminded myself one last time, I step closer to the edge of the dock, the water swaying. My legs shaking. Hands in small, near useless pockets. Eyes watered, I look up at empty sky. Luna, where are you when I need you?
La Luna. My beloved, where are you?