I love my bf sm but I feel so bad. I might break up with him because I keep stalking my ex and idk what to do cause I think she knows I'm stalking her and my boyfriend knows I'm stalking her cause I tell him about it but I feel like I'm hurting him even though he knows he shouldn't get attached to me. It was like the one thing I told him not to do. And I'm scared because what if he never talks to me again and then my ex girlfriend leaves me again. She keeps doing it. I don't know why. I think she's single rn but I can't tell. Why does she keep doing this? What could she possibly be thinking? All anyone I talk to knows her as just a shitty person. Well I know her for how she was there for me. She bought me things after I told her no because I hated asking her to buy me things knowing about her gold digging ex's. She made me laugh over the stupidest shit and now I can barely do that with my boyfriend. I can't even bring myself to fake laugh sometimes. It's not that he's not funny I just can't laugh. I was the sweetest to my ex gf. I made sure she felt loved. I always make sure everyone I date feels loved. I feel like she's just scared to stay. Or I'm at least trying to think positive and that I'm just such a good boyfriend that she doesn't think she deserves me. But like that's not the point. I WANT her. I know she isn't that great of an influence on me but does it even matter. Everyone I know and care about knows that I'm constantly between a limbo of I love everyone life is amazing, I'm sad and I wanna fucking die, I hate everyone and I'm gonna kill everybody, along with a few other feelings I can't think of currently because I'm freaking OUT! I just want one person to be with and love before I eventually kill myself and I want that person to be her. I want to just overdose in her arms so I'll forever feel loved when I die.
