SILVER SAYS THEY trust him with their heart, and Robyn feels that simple statement burrow into their chest, making a home there, taking root as one truth they know they’ll forever hold on to. There’s a thickness in the back of their throat now, a bit of emotion to dull the panic and frantic energy, and they feel a heat building beneath their eyes. Robyn trusts Silver with their heart too, irrevocably and infinitely, and they wish, they truly wish they could do their work together — that they didn’t at all have to be apart in the next hours. Robyn does his best to take it all in, trying to remember every single piece of instruction Silver is giving them. They’ve never had a problem with working under stress before and would have even said, years ago, that they thrived in that sort of environment, but while it’s obviously not the same at all, Robyn tries to tell themself that this isn’t any different. It’ll be like working under a tight deadline. Like accomplishing a particularly detail-intensive task under strict instructions. If they think of it that way, they won’t freeze up in terror over the stakes.
He’s relieved to know that most Districts are accounted for, relieved to hear DeeZee’s name there as well, and Cripes, of course, is an extension to Fava and the others. It feels so heavy, being given all this responsibility, knowing the price of failure is loss of time and perhaps loss of life. They’ll have to ask for clearer directions one more time later on to make it crystal clear to them, but they understand what it is they have to do. The question about the Tributes is answered somewhere along the way as well, and while the thought frightens Robyn and makes them want to find some other way to compromise ( recognizing they’ll be in a silent panic the entire time, not knowing what’s happening to Harbor, not knowing if he and Abe have already made it to the bigger group ), understanding that they’re meant to be picking the Tributes up calms them somewhat. They know Twig will want to double the efforts for sponsorships at that, get Harbor and Abe to the right directions before they leave.
Their mind is working a mile a minute, even in the embrace, even with the warmth of Silver’s arms around them. A shiver runs through their body again, part of them wanting to get to work right away, fearful of things being too late for their friends, for their brother, but Silver pulls back and watches them. They press a kiss to their temple, gentle, soft, and lingering, and it dulls the panic one more time, both the gesture and the words that follow. The tears that had been building fill their eyes to the brim, and Robyn lets out a breath. “I wish we could too,” they practically gasp out, barely able to breathe in the face of so much fear and panic, so much emotion. Silver had been thinking the same thing. If only they could do this work together, side by side; Robyn knows they wouldn’t be so scared.
Another shaky breath escapes him as he brings his hands back up to touch their face. “I’ll… I’ll come find you once I’ve finished, but if I don’t see you out here…” It’s becoming harder and harder to talk, their breathing unstable, more sobs threatening to wrack their body, but they push forward, swallow, put on a stiff upper lip. “Then you better be in that room already. Alright? You — don’t stay out longer than you have to. I need you there with me,” Robyn says, emphasizing what needs to be emphasized, remembering their talk in the hallway, on what promises had been made. This is not and must not be the last time; they absolutely have to make it to safety together. Robyn knows that, believes that, and yet, their voice continues to tremble as they go on. “I need you beside me once it starts, and I need you to not let go of me until we’re both sure it’s safe.” With no regard for anything else, emotions too high not to do it, they pull Silver to them for a kiss, one that isn’t soft but instead passionate, hard, full of so much meaning, all their fear, uncertainty and worry mixed in with their hope, their determination, their love — everything in a single gesture.
When they pull back, they’re breathing heavily, lips still lingering against Silver’s, eyes on their pale blues. They don’t know if that’s Silver’s heart or his or both of theirs beating rapidly against his chest. “Promise me we’ll find each other at the end of all this. Promise me.”
They wish desperately that they could speak more outright, and that there was more time to plan together, more time to be together before they need to both get to work, but it feels as if the familiar static has become something of a ticking clock, a constant reminder that time is running out with each passing second, that the longer they linger in one place, the less time there is to make certain everything is in order before they need to make it there themself. But this is Robyn, they would give him every last moment they had if they could, except their promises made to each other keep them from that sort of selfishness, from the same sort of selfishness that would tell them to send him straight to the meeting spot, instead of counting on him to inform Four and Seven, and giving him time to help set his brother up to make it, to be there waiting when the time comes. Still, pushing past the selfishness doesn’t mean they don’t wish it could be different, and even before Robyn agrees they know that he feels the same.
There are tears welling up in their eyes, and Silver wishes that they had the right words to quell them, to take care of any worry or fear, but they know that there’s nothing they can do but promise that they’ll make it together in the end when the time comes to go. Their hand moves to Robyn’s neck, holding on, trying to offer some sense of grounding, and strength in the face of so much uncertainty themself, as well. And it nearly breaks their heart, the way Robyn’s voice shakes, the way their body shudders with each breath, as they try to go on, as they accept what they both have to do, but consider the risks of it all. The risks are enormous. Trying to move so many people without concrete plans for timing and order is dangerous, would be dangerous already even without so many of them being closely watched by the Capitol, and that’s without considering the danger of even spreading the information around when there are eyes and ears everywhere, when some people are loud by nature, through no fault of their own.
But they have faith in Robyn, and they have faith in themself, and they have no intention of going back on any of the promises they’ve made to them, no intention of doing anything but exactly as they ask, being there in that room on time, no risk of being too late, being there together when the time comes. They nod along with his words, let out a little hum of agreement, as their fingers move perhaps a little frantically over his jaw, in part to memorize the feeling, in part to try to give comfort to them both. They only wish they could go without the gloves, without the pain, and touch him fully. It seems that Robyn is thinking the same, though, because as soon as they finish speaking, they pull them into a kiss, hard and passionate, all of the unspoken feelings behind it all, so much that it’s nearly overwhelming. Impossible not to press into it, to deepen the kiss just for a second, indulge and savor, and say as much back to them without a single word, through lips alone.
Robyn pulls back, and they feel a little unsteady for a second, wishing they could keep going, could stay in something so perfect and full of meaning for much longer, but this is just as meaningful. “I promise. We’ll always find each other, Robyn, now, and after,” they breathe, eyes searching Robyn’s, knowing that he’ll understand what they mean, that the words are no exaggeration. They’ll always find him, and they know that he would do the same, through this, and any other hardship or danger they might face. The promises made in that hallway what feels like a lifetime ago, but was only days, were sincere, utterly truthful. They both promised to see this through together, and that’s what they’re going to do, now, and beyond, once they’re far away from here in an entirely new unknown. “If you can’t find me once you’re finished, go and I’ll meet you there. And then I won’t let go of you once we’re together again. I love you, Robyn, nothing could possibly keep me from being by your side.”