Whatever

If I feel like writing This will be my outlet…

[simplesights]

Analogies for Aggression, Anger and Rage

As I was reading more about aggression in the latest module due Friday, I was fascinated with the popular idea of catharsis, and how I personally know lots of friends and family that believe in it without question.

Learning more about the spread of this false idea was really helpful for me in understanding the more complicated explanation of how aggression is created in our minds. I wish there was a better analogy to describe anger to people, as elegant as the catharsis idea (being a pressure system that needs a valve to release anger) that we know is false, so I can explain it to others. This made me remember an analogy for rage/anger I read about by German Philosopher Peter Sloterdijik, comparing rage to a bank.

Here is an excerpt from an in-depth review of his 2006 book Rage and Time: "Like happiness, rage lives in the present and has no temporality. Rage functions like a “bank” from where the subject deposits their rage into it and their bank is managed by a banker that takes the form of an ideology, or an individual, usually charismatic, what Sloterdijk refers to as an “entrepreneur of rage”. This bank asks that subjects situate themselves to a perspective and orient themselves to a history." https://danieltutt.com/2012/03/02/rage-management-and-leaderless-revolutions/

Sloterdijk ties anger and rage to the world around us. Politicians, ideologies, our outlook of the economy, and history are all formed by our consumption of media. In a way, I see this as a really elegant way of explaining how the media can "deposit" rage and anger into our minds.

And then politicians and corporate leaders in charge of the media, are the bankers who are able to make "withdrawals" from our minds from the anger and rage the media has over time built up. Whether it be about policies, economics, or even violence. The only thing about the bank analogy I disagree with after reading is that after money has been "withdrawn" in a bank, it disappears. But anger does not disappear, it remains unless we do something actively to change that. Example: no longer believe in the ideology that anger was drawn from. Just look at the recent insurrection at the capital in DC. QAnon, Trump, and the Republicans stoked the fires of anger and rage in many disenfranchised citizens about the election being a fraud- "depositing" anger and rage into their followers. All it took was Trump at his last rally, to "withdraw" that anger and use it against his own coworkers who were ratifying the election.

What are your thoughts about this analogy? Sure, it may not be perfect, and Sloterdijk isn't a psychologist, but he has a PhD in philosophy and media theory.

[simplesights]

My Heart

A poem about myself. * Half green blue and yellow. Half Red White and blue. All human, with a brain that strives to find what’s true. With a shaved head and full beard, I stare into a pit. The pit of progress is dark and deep, and no one will ever fill it. Nowhere in my body or mind, can progress fill my life. Though I strive to fix and make the lives live without strife. There is a gasping for air, that I can hear all around. Confusion sets, as the wispy breath takes on water and starts to drown. It’s all around, all the time. With no room to take in fresh air. Living in the United States, it is capitalism under which we must bear. The individualistic nature is something I reject. Like a magnet repulse its invert force, it flies off the self and into an object. This causes a chain reaction, which makes the object roll. Down a hill, through the psyche of a misinformed public toll. We all pay the price, every-time we let someone in. Our heart become revealed, and can be hurt without thick skin. Thirty years, and I am torn, what do I want in life? Nothing, nothing, nothing at all, time is environmentally rife. While I am alive I ask, what life wants from me? There is so much in this world that I can make, creatively. Is art the final goal, of someone who want’s to live? This world and economy refuses to acknowledge, so why would art be it? Suffering is the ultimate form, of knowing our world’s truth. Because without suffering or acts of harm, we would all be aloof. In a world that is always changing, I change myself too. I am the essence of change, and hope you can be it soon.

[simplesights]

What comes after a failed coup?

A successful coup. The world watches, as the imperialist nation that props up democracy, enacts its own death. Like the countries the US has forced overthrows in, the country that creates fascists and sets them upon the world, is helpless against its own creations. Trump is a fascist dictator, crumbling the what is already racist structures of a democratic republic, and turning it into a dictatorship. Luckily the military hate him, because if he had their support, we would all be in austerity. Not that many of us, people of color already have suffered under this so called “democratic” rule. But wha has happened is just the start of the decline of an empire. And what is next is both Democrats and Republicans continuing to not meet the needs of its people. And are complacent for white racist to take control. There will be another genocide in the US. And it will happen soon...

[simplesights]

Why I have Stopped Writing in 2020

I just realized it has been almost a year since my last post. 2020 has gotten a hold of my brain, my fingers and my attention to an extent that has left me with no “time” to do things I love. Such as write. I have seen it as a burden to write in this year. With an election that proved the mainstream media has no idea who or how the American people vote. A Pandemic that has changed life forever. A workplace that puts politics over the lives of people. And a long distance relationship that has been testing and pushing me and my fiance to grow in painful but healthy ways we never thought we could grow.

This year has been the epitome of pushing a boulder up a steep hill, just to see it fall back down and repeat the task. As Sisyphus is doing, it feels like our whole society is doing the same. Not getting anywhere and ensuring that those at the top stay there. We need change, and actions (and work) has been taking more of my time then reflecting. Reflecting has taken a back seat to my therapy sessions, speaking with my family, scheduling time off and work from home in my complicated setting, staying healthy, and staying solvent. But lots of change, hopefully for the good is happening. Here is a list of the major events happening in my life

With a roommate moving out and the love of my life moving in.

Applying to a PhD program in Canada.

Discovering the truth about my parents that I am still coping with.

Having loved ones die all around me.

Seeing students struggling more than they ever had in this economy, resorting to dirty tricks and lieing to get ahead.

Seeing just how “loyal” people are to their work, over their friends, family and coworkers.

Life in the USA in 2020 is a spectacle of violence toward the poor and powerless. I see it everyday. And the thing about this violence is it is both discrete and indiscreet. Violence of no stimulus or finical support to the poorest to pay rent- by not providing support, this is as violent as the conservatives claims Lenin was because they didn’t have enough food during a famine. Or getting rid of healthcare coverage of 20million citizens during a pandemic. This is violence as well, borderline genocide of an entire class of US citizens. Or literal violence against black men and women through police brutality. Protesters being injured in BLM protests, screaming defund the police, invest in the streets! Asking for their lives to be spared. While proud boys and Neo Nazis get executive level treatment and security. I don;t know how much more violence I can take. All the shows and movies that supposedly has “desensitized me to violence has not prepared me for this year. Death and violence is the theme, and it is driving me crazy how people can so easily ignore it.

[simplesights]

Consciousness, CPR and the Elite

Whenever I was young, I was always hearing the phrase “listen to your conscious.” It was depicted as a little angel and devil on your shoulders in cartoons and made into a decision in most situations. As I think back to this idea of your “conscious” being a noun, and actual thing. It makes the idea of an angel and devil quite absurd. Later in life I became interested in consciousness. And learned, to be conscious is to be aware. To be awake and paying attention to your surroundings.

In CPR training, it is explained how important it is to get consent to perform on someone if they are conscious, but the moment they are not, consent is implied, as a life is in danger, and you have a duty to save that life.

As I look at the elite in our society, which make up of senators and representatives, business men and woman, inheritors of wealth etc... what I see is a lack of conscious in their decision making and responses to those they have hurt or even killed indirectly.

To be conscious is to be aware. To actually live in the place you stand, and listen to those who are speaking. To see the destruction of families, land and communities. But the elite have done something to themselves that has made them live in delusion.

They have boxed themselves in communities with gates. Homes with security. And attend events only with those of their class who get invited. They no longer are conscious. And therefore are considered unable to give consent. They are literally dead to the rest of society, and need to be saved. In CPR, there is a way to save someone, but it does not always work. We do compressions and breathing into the unconscious individual until their heart starts pumping, and their breath starts gasping. There is a way to bring back a person from their unconscious slumber and back into consciousness. Sometimes it takes 1 min, sometimes 6hrs. But the outcome is dependent on both the provider of the CPR and the individual, working together to come back to life.

The Elite need CPR, and need it fast- and they don’t have the ability to give consent, so it is implied.

You cannot become conscious again by yourself. Someone needs to apply it. Whether it is through story telling, debating, or just showing images of what they have done: what the Elite’s true legacy is, outside the very few who benefit, is causing many more to suffer. We must breakdown their events, their walls, their security forces through non-violent means, and bring out their sense to the reality of life. And make them conscious again.

[simplesights]

Socialism in the 21st Century- Trust, Purity, Reality & Confusion in a Capitalistic Society

The United States of America- The land of the free, the land of propaganda that lies to you and your family, the land of corporate lies that make big dollars, where falseness and conformity is given precedent of geniunity on the media. The United States of America- - The land of normal down to Earth people, who believe in their community and striving for peace with their environment and those surrounding them. But also the land of individualism, that feels so wrong in comparison of the larger picture. Where selfish intentions and competition is used to separate us and determine who is the most successful in the terms neoliberal war mongers set. The United States of America- Where popularity of issues are commoditized and used to get your vote, where listening to the common people is thought of as a dumb idea, where one person is right always because they have a degree that taught them one way of thinking. Where wolves wear sheep’s clothings is a standard business practice, and it is the consumers duty to not get scammed... but all that is available are scams. I am struggling to find truth in this web of lies and made up information. I am struggling to give my trust to a man who calls himself a Socialist and is running on socialist programs, but then repeats the lies our most vial of humans spit out as factual arguments. Bernie, please listen to the common people, they know best even when it comes to foriegn relations. Change your view and stop trusting the CIA, NSA and Military. They are in the realm of fake journalism... they have the trust of corporate media to continue wars and never end the bombings of innocent people. Yet you trust their lies and create a policy that is non-truthful nor informed. Academic socialists won;t even call forth the idea of evolutionary change. They are too blinded by Lenin and other leaders who use the same hatred our capitalistic “enemies” use. Revolution is a death threat to the powerful. While evolution is slow and incremental, and natural among the human race. Reality VS Words on paper... I fight everyday to understand the difference, and in the end the words written end up rewriting what happened.

[simplesights]

Read the full story

--------------------------------

This story and photoset was made by alexandrejosean on Commaful, a site where people write short stories, poems, jokes, blog posts and more in a beautiful visual format.

[simplesights]

Untitled - For Argentina

Like a flowing river with turns and bends. My love for you has a source, and it never ends. Like a dart of lightening, vanished in a flash, Emptied in an instant, destiny made us clash. We closed our distance with each other, and got so close. The love we have is raw, as raw as the end of your nose. It is the kind of pure love I have never experienced before. A tender yet powerful love that makes me want more! A love that was built, through trust, knowledge and desires. One I can confidently say I have been waiting for, a love I admire. We became so comfortable so quickly, in just a few minutes... It feels so natural, like I am home, just- with your appearance. So though we say farewell, and increase the miles between us.

Know that as long we have this love, that physical gap is meaningless.

[simplesights]

Self-Hate

Saying something meaningful While also being demeaning.

Writing without thinking No empathizing, just breathing.

Thinking you can help, But screw up the words. Using them in ways no one else has heard.

Sharing all your thoughts All of them on text, Confusing the meaning. Conveying the wrong feeling. Calibrating others while not listening. Constructing an explanation that no one is needing. It’s done.

NOW: Wanting to appoligize, so fast and so hard. NOW: Wanting to express it was just a conversation went ajar.

Like a train wreck in the front, you are a passenger in the back. You don't see the extent of the damage, until you step back.

Reflecting on what you did wrong, helps with the coping. You can't appoligize now, but at least you are still open.

[simplesights]

Sharing

That was my word of the year...

I thought I would share more beginning 2019, because when I did, especially to my friends and family. Good things have been happening.

I thought this along with my social media habits would meld well... but they are not. Again and again I am feeling the same way about FB and other social media platforms. They drastically change my mood and focus when I use them. And they force me into more negative conversations and interactions then I ever would get exposed to in my normal life. I have the personality of liking a challenge, and arguing with folks... but now that I am apart of several groups on Facebook I find myself giving too much attention to these groups and then fucking up the day of some random people because of my shitty word exchanges. TEXT EXCHANGE IS THE WORST WAY OF COMMUNICATING! I cannot convey my jokes, thoughts and feelings or even sarcasm via text. I try at times and then realize after posting or upsetting people (which honestly does not happen as often as I am making out to be, but enough negative reactions has happened to put me into a spiral of self-hate). For example, a woman on a Vegan Singles page posted her pic and detailed bio of who she was looking for in a partner. I read through the whole thing and saw she “wanted to feel alive” or wanted to be with someone who felt alive. Me with my backward mind thought this was funny, because literally you are alive girl! So I posted “Girl, you don’t need anyone to feel alive!” This immediately triggered her to give me a response, which at first I was very elated (wow, this cute girl is talking to me cause of my clever dialog or pun/joke). This was the beginning of the misunderstanding both on my end and hers... but I always blame myself, and in this case I deserve the blame. She immediately went into defense mode saying that she ‘wanted’ not ‘needed’ somebody, and that ‘why are you even on here if you don’t need/want anyone to be with?’ I now realize that she felt demeaned cause I called her ‘girl’... because she called me ‘boy’ back. I was not offended at all, but this made me realize though I call a lot of my friends who are girls ‘girl’, this person in particular (and possibly more) do not appreciate it. Not thinking too hard, I responded with my immediate thoughts of how I feel (thinking that maybe she would feel the same way, or understand where I am coming from), and said “Looking for love in the wrong places! XD Whenever I am on FB, I feel like happiness is everywhere but inside me. But when I am off FB, I forget what FB is.” Now! I realize now, but didn’t then, just how this statement sounds like I am preaching or telling her how to look for love in her life. And criticizing her way of doing things. But at the time making this comment, this is literally how I felt... that whenever I turn on FB, love is extracted and replaced with doubt and hatred of myself (why do I have to not fit in anywhere I try?). And being on that vegan singles page has only increased this frustration but caused jealousy. Because whenever I post (or any guy who is NOT shirtless or handsome) I get no responses or likes. This is frustrating, but has many lessons in itself and I try not to beat myself up about it. So seeing the amount of responses women get when they post, makes me envious and jealous of the attention they can hold in the group. I am not going to defend what I said, as I don’t believe what I said was right or is defensible and the way I commented did more harm to her than good. Instead of a realization or connection, she blew up on me and told me to fuck-off basically. But I felt like I deserved more punishment. I wanted this lesson to sink in and I took her advice, and quit the group. This way I won;t even have these thoughts are situations that could occure... yet I am still in a different vegan singles group I just recently joined (before leaving the one I did).. so I am not completely out of the “game” or whatever... but this got me to thinking about this idea of sharing... I need to be careful. Specifically me. The world and people around me don’t all think the same way I do, and I know my values and care for others are seen as threats to some people. Its hard to understand if you have the same values as mine... but in also a recent argument I had with someone on another vegan site about socialism, people are not 100% one-way thinking, and though there are elements of philosophy they like, a lot is misunderstood or a perspective that isn’t based on facts. I have goals to change the way people think, I want to inspire and cause others to think outside of their normal habitual thoughts. And I am struggling to do this “online” through posts... there must be another medium I can share my world view and way of thinking with others... just maybe I will find it. But I am now in the exploration mode, and I am joining and leaving groups left and right trying to curate my message of loving yourself... and screwing up the idea of partnership in the traditional boy/girl sense. I want more minds to be free from the societal structures that are in place currently. Because at the moment, even our thoughts are being conned off as being original. When it wasn’t even our original thought in the first place.

[simplesights]

“And You Don’t Run From Where You Come From” K.L.

Where do I come from? FL? MO? IL? Brazil? IA?

[simplesights]

Nothing is wrong with me

It is natural to feel depressed after feeling so happy the day before. I call these reflection days and I tend to write or read a lot during them. Like about why this happens to humans... and too me: https://qz.com/1046605/theres-a-biological-reason-you-feel-down-after-having-the-time-of-your-life/

[simplesights]

@commaful Read the full story

--------------------------------

This story and photoset was made by alexandrejosean on Commaful, a site where people write short stories, poems, jokes, blog posts and more in a beautiful visual format.

[simplesights]

Sadist

“Those who suffer the most in their life, are the wisest people. Find these people, for they need you as much as you need them” - Anonymous Inflicting pain. Not physical. But mental.

Struggling with quelling desires Fixating on them and satiating them doesn’t help. Like a clear pool of water:

With a drop of dye falling from above Like a swirling aberration in something that is pure. The beginning is mesmerizing Even beautiful to the trained eye. But the colors swirl. And you let it wash over your body They swirl until eventually the color has changed the pure water. Into something that looks completely new. You take a sip. But nothing has changed...

New and known feelings melt, Like a spell the dye has quelled the idea of difference. And you realize you are back to the beginning. You hurt yourself to see if you feel. Feel pain. Internal pain. Because no one else will inflict it.

[simplesights]

Read the full story

--------------------------------

This story and photoset was made by alexandrejosean on Commaful, a site where people write short stories, poems, jokes, blog posts and more in a beautiful visual format.

[simplesights]

Birthday

So much contact. So much attention. When Its gone, So quickly; So easily. It feels wrong,

I retreat. I reflect. Is it all genuine? Why can’t I trust it?

Only one day people care. But that isn't true. Even though I feel it. Don’t let those lies through.

[simplesights]

AWARENESS: Holding Values in A World that is Unaware of the Values They Hold

As a guy,

28yo as of today there are stereotypes. Obviously those stereotypes are there because they ring true... right? If only. The truth isn’t so simple though. Well, just saying “as a guy” already you infer so many things, especially if you are a man who is 28 who can relate. But if I were to write this with no descriptors, how would it be perceived.. Will more woman read my post? Would less 20 somethings read it? Why does the word guy, the number 20-29, and my language dictate so much of the experience someone has... just reading some text on a flashing screen?

2019 is a year I think all people need to realize, is always the “next year”. As in, it was always 2019 and never was or will be 2019. The whole idea of spinning around the sun 2,019 times since a jew has been crucified that started a mass spiritual following.. is so more about the nonsense humans create to justify their own flaws, then it about understanding the true nature of our reality. It has always been 2019, and never has been 2019. Nothing has changed, but everything is different. Events that happened now are at play to influencing new events to take place, and how will you react to them all? My concern is with others, it always has been: What are other thinking right now? What do they think of me? What do they think of themselves? What do they think of x? Of y? What about z? How could someone like me exist in a world like ours? A society that pushes values of individuality more than connection. Of the community that is so steadily built into my being. So I struggle.. with my own values, my friends’ group values and WASP values of the controlling elite. Why do I mention all these pressures? Cause they exist and are real in my life probably yours too:

WASPs (White, Anglo-Saxon Protestant)- The values of the god fearing white working and ruling class folks I work with on a daily basis. They are moral, discriminant, close minded, traditional, conservative yet caring... to an extent. They have been developed through years of embracing empathy for all... but in some people this means: “for all, but ‘this type’“. The rules are strict for some, and unforgiving to others, simple but permanent. There is no sense of temporary and most things are very serious (even though talk maybe comedic in nature). But forgiveness is given to certain people in certain situations. Manners is mistakenly substituted for morality in many cases. Manners is the sign of class, a sign you fit in. But it is deceiving for manners can easily be practiced, with true intentions snapping into action in between the social interactions/lines. Deception comes in the form of a friendly handshake and promise of wealth, when the intentions are quit the opposite. Friends Like Me - These values are more in depth since they are more complex, I live them daily, and they are never seldom held true because of the changing fleeting feelings of someone’s mind in this time period. Open mindedness, thinking we are right and the older folks are wrong. This is true in many instances, but Is by no means an absolute, and some friends don’t get this. Others though do. We are open minded, truth-seeking and looking for happiness, which also is defined differently by each one. Happiness is so different, and we are all not sure what happiness means to ourselves (since we are all discovering this at this time), but it comes in different forms: The ‘serious relationship’, the ‘friendship’, the ‘fuck buddy’, the ‘disconnected’, and the most popular ‘opportunistic moment’/’just tonight cause I am drunk’... aka one-night stand. We are the most open and caring/empathetic but also the most frightened and insecure about our choices. We have a paralysis over the idea of what others think. And are learning just now to quell our desires that end up making decisions for us. But sometimes, it is important not to overthink and just go with what is happening-- but things don’t just happen. So this is also a group I see deception and curating events to create those ‘moments of opportunities’. These deceptions of now can turn into grave justifications for other actions in the future... with no reflection of how it impacted everyone involved. These don’t seem like deceptions at first, but since this is the first taste of how to use this at our age, they backfire and create drama among our friends. These personalities and social values constructed are at odds with my own, and my sangha’s. Not all of them, but they are hard to articulate to others which make it feel like it is all of them. For example, the one night stand- I can only fuck when I’m drunk- and there is nothing to it but sex... this idea is BS and I hate it. So when a girl invites me over for a night of fun, in a very uncertain way. It makes me think she feels the same way I do about the whole idea (how do I fuck without being thought of as a slut?), but is also just horny and wants to get some. Falling in line with the human desires just for that moment... which to me is a bad way to start a relationship. VS just dating and the steps through it to build something more than just a fuck. Damn, if only I could treat sex transaction-ally like everyone else. Put no ties into it, don’t look more into besides just the ol’ in and out. Tie nothing. Become detached. But does ths reduce me to then become what I am like in the sack? Since that is all you know about me intimately now. And I am reduced to nothing but that single intimate interaction- Yes I want some... but I don’t know how or who you are in the consequences following our intercourse. For this reason I have “logically” avoided one night stands when I can. But at the same time... there are so many desires that make me want to “fit in” and just become one of the good ol’ boys who also participates in this dehumanization of sexual intercourse. And turn the idea of “making love” into a heartless function of my body. [I understand this is an exaggeration, all sex has some sort of romanticism in it, no matter how fleeting it is;  I won’t be losing any humanism by just having a one night stand. But It is disrespectful to the human you are fucking even if its just one time. To think there is nothing more here than sex. Because you are turning a human into a commodity. A purpose... rather than a relationship which gives you so much more than sex.] And going even deeper, I think of thinking about this. Am I going too far? Should I just shut up and fuck? Or can I find someone as fucked up as me who will fuck when they are sober. I want to know if anyone actually pays attention to their values in this day and age. Do people seriously believe this is how humans are supposed to interact, stimulating that pleasure brain over and over. Becoming a hedonist for the sake of dopamine... I try to avoid the whole attachment my mind may create by avoiding it entirely... and as a wise man once said:

“I wish we never fucked, and I mean that. .  .  .  But not really” - Donald Glover