(a.m.thoughts)

late night thoughts of an average young adult

[simplythoughts]

I'm not in love with you, not exactly. And yet I smile at my phone like an idiot every time you text me and my hands shake when you're around. I feel the safest when I fall asleep in your arms, but it's not love.

m.l

I thought it was, but it can’t be

[simplythoughts]

I've grown so much in the last 2 years. I was just a girl when I met you, but I'm so much stronger now. I'm truly independent, passionate about and focused on my job. I've learnt how to love myself, even when I'm crying my heart out. I've learnt how to be happy, regardless of how many boys compliment my smile and short skirts. But most importantly; I've realised that I had to have my heartbroken in order to become who I am now.

m.l

how to make sunshine out of your broken heart

[simplythoughts]

I know people who drink to forget, but when I'm drinking rum it is to be reminded of the taste of your kisses.

m.l

even though I hate rum

[simplythoughts]

if I can make poetry out of heartbreak, then I'll find the strength to love again.

m.l

I never thanked you for breaking my heart

[simplythoughts]

You don't know pain until you hear 'I love you' from the person you wanted it the most and knowing they won't mean it in the morning.

m.l.

you said it was real; then why did you apologise the next day

[simplythoughts]

Ask someone who's never been in love to tell you what the opposite of love is. 'Hate' they'll exclaim. Ask someone who's had their heart broken and they won't be able to distinguish love from hate.

m.l.

there’s more to life than black and white

[simplythoughts]

A comforting thought to realise that I only miss you when I'm alone and in need of someone's touch. I catch myself staring at your hands when looking at pictures of you. The mere thought of them against my naked skin gives me butterflies. Reminiscing your touch may make my knees weak and I may still smile in between our kisses, but I no longer get lost into your eyes like I used to.

m.l.

that’s how I knew I was getting over you

[simplythoughts]

We've spent two years trying to catch up with each other, but perhaps we're not meant to be. Maybe our story was always meant to be left untold and out of sync, in order to remain perfect. So if by any chance you seem to miss me, I'm sorry but 'at least we're looking at the same sky' ain't gonna cut it.

m.l. 

you’re half the world away and I can’t even ask the stars to tell you how much I miss you 

[simplythoughts]

-How can you be so sure? he wondered. -Knowing when you're thinking of me is the easiest goddamn question you've ever asked me. It's the moments when your face invades my every thought for no apparent reason and I can't seem to get you out of my head. Thoughts I cannot really describe with words, that make my heart race and my chest burn- a state of instant panic. I know becuase when I think of you, my thoughts are peaceful and soothing, but when it's you that forces your way into my head, it hurts.

m.l

today you were thinking of me again

[simplythoughts]

Don't you dare tell me we're not together just because we tell people we're not. Don't you dare tell me that you can't feel time freeze when we lock lips and that the way our bodies fit together is not something you find only once in a lifetime. I once cared about that damn label. I wanted you to call me your girlfriend. But now I couldn't care less. Because now you stare into my eyes for no reason and cuddle until morning. Now you want to hold my hand and run in the street like we're 12 and kiss my nose when it's freezing. I know that you could run into another girl's arms any time, yet you haven't. And I could have dinner with one of those guys that have been bugging me for months, but I don't really want to. Because at the end of the day, I know you'll be there to kiss my forehead and call me beautiful, just like I'm sure you know I'll be there to hold you until morning.  And it doesn't matter if I call you my boyfriend, or my friend or the guy  next door, because feelings are not meant to be put in words, they are meant to be felt.

m.l

the story of how I stopped believing in labels

[simplythoughts]

It was chilly, dark as ever, we were standing by the side of the road. Others were there, but to you, there was only you and I. You pulled me closer, staring into my eyes with a look so sweet, it warmed me up from inside out. You weren't saying a word, just staring in awe, until you whispered: 'You're beautiful'.

m.l

You may have been good with words, but you never complimented me

that’s how I knew you meant it

[simplythoughts]

I may have not endless late night conversations to reminisce, or romantic declarations of love and affection and most of the memories I have with you, you probably don't even remember. But they're mine, yours and mine, and I'll always treasure them. The first time you called me beautiful, how you'd interrupt our kisses just to stare into my eyes like I was the most beautiful work of art, the way you laughed while teasing me, how you loved the way I played with your hair, even though you never explicitly told me. The way you knew how I wanted to be touched, without having to tell you and held me all night long, even during the hottest summer nights.

m.l

I've always known it would be over eventually, yet how could I stay away from you and miss out on 3 amazing years

[simplythoughts]

so I guess I’d rather not know. I’d rather not know if the next person I kiss will be you and I’d rather not know if the next eyes I lose myself into will later haunt my dreams, or make my day. and if you ever wish you knew, please don’t let yourself get lost in meaningless night-long affections, the kind that are gone with the first light. Kiss strangers, feel lonely, get your heart broken if you have to live until we can be both ready for each other and I promise, I’ll be waiting for you right around the corner. Right where we said we’d meet, by the coffee shop.

m.l

and you’ll know it’s me, because deep down you’ve always known

[simplythoughts]

I finally realised why you were so hard to get over. Not because you were my first love and certainly not because of your tanned skin and chestnut eyes.  Apart from knowing every inch of your perfectly shaped body, every scar and every freckle, I knew nothing. You were a blank canvas I projected all of my teenage dreams on, everything I expected love to be and everything that was proven wrong. and along with every kiss I planted on your skin, I was also embedding expectations, little by little, until I created a perfect monster I could not get away from.

m.l

and once my kisses started to fade, that’s when I knew

[simplythoughts]

You know how Van Gogh wanted to poison himself with yellow paint? That's what you are to me. Yellow paint. Astonishing and warm to look at. I could stare at you all day, but once I get close to you, once I get a real taste, you become so toxic, that your mere thought  makes my mouth bitter.

m.l

[simplythoughts]

concept: It's the year 2008, 20:37, the sun has just began to set. You're at the beach, just got out of the water, you'd rather not use a towel. The air tastes like salt and sunscreen. You inspect your sun-kissed skin for a moment, tanned but also slightly red, you'd swear that the sunset makes it look almost glittery. Your hair is a mess covered in sand, your fingertips are wrinkly and you're dying for some water to wash-off the salty taste from your mouth. Your best friend calls your name. You turn around only to be attacked by yet another ball of wet sand. Life is good

m.l

[simplythoughts]

I'll have to admit, I was once angry at you, I cried for you, I felt everything I possibly could for you, but eventually, you no longer made my heart race, nor took my breath away. Yes, I still loved you, but did so in a different way- even though I was not quite sure what that meant. But then you recklessly decided to destroy it all. Three words, a smile, a peck and your hand on my cheek. That’s all it took. And I had to start all over again, from the very beginning.

m.l

It confuses me. I’m not in love with you, but I love you. And it’s a type of love I can’t label and this is what frustrates me the most. You’re not exactly my friend, you don’t really feel like my lover, but you’re not a simple acquaintance either.