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#hi it's maddie just need a space for my little thoughts that don't need to go on main #if you're not a mutual i will be blocking you please don't take it personally!#but if you're here it's because i trust you and consider you a friend—always wishing you well <3

my rabbi today told me that if she had had a daughter she would have been just like me and i don’t think i’ve ever had anyone say something as so wholeheartedly kind and generous to me as that

#immediately burst into tears sitting in the sanctuary of the shul

#particularly proud of this one

today (tuesday) - podcast recording at 6PM - work on my upcoming set for thursday night @ the hi-fi bar - watch videos for upcoming salon @ the local art museum that i've been invited to - continue cleaning the apartment in advance of leaving on sunday morning (all week)

wednesday - go into campus to see if my reimbursement check has come through yet - salon @ the art museum

thursday - get oil change in the morning - five hour DJ set let's go

friday - go into town, record store, lunch - start packing

saturday - finish cleaning and packing

sunday - drive to san diegooooooooooo

#and then i have a ton of hangs scheduled in SD lol

nothing quite like the mild embarrassment that comes with sending emails to higher ups at major regional theatres like "heyyyyyy i know we haven't really chatted in about two years but i'm gonna be in town can we meet for coffee so i can beg-not-beg for gigs from you again <3"

#one of the artistic staff i emailed is of course going out of town the exact dates i'm going to be in town but he thankfully was like let's #find time to zoom which i am happy about lol

i'm coming up on the first anniversary of my father dying and my overwhelming anxiety and terror about something else happening to one of my family members has been at an all time high and even thinking about it makes me burst into tears and while i know that this is also all exacerbated by the amount of stress i've been under generally combined with currently being on my period it just scares me so much and i know death is something that happens to everybody but also having had three family members die in the past less than two years has been so overwhelming and scary and exhausting and while even typing this out gives me nerves that i'm going to jinx something i don't know what else to do because spiraling about the future is not productive or helpful

#it's also hard living on the other side of the country from literally everybody else in my family in that sense

my period has been a week late and accompanied by seriously worse than normal two times in a row and i am really not a fan of this development

#this is so miserable lmfao

content warning minor injury mention—biggest campus fear came true today as i completely wiped out by tripping on a crack in the sidewalk (thankfully i had enough sense to avoid falling onto my laptop and mostly broke my fall with my hands) which was deeply embarrassing less so for the actual falling and injury (skinning my knee open) which were ultimately not that bad and more so for the young man who came up to me to check if i was okay which while he was very nice to do so i have never felt more ancient and uncoordinated in my life but ANYWAYS i made it to the bathroom to quickly wash the wound off and then to the event i was hurrying to (friend's master's defense) on time (it started late anyways) but i did have to sit there praying that blood was not about to start pouring out of my knee as i sat through an hour of learning about the efficacy of different fungicides used on grape plants

#it looks like i fell off my bike and scraped my knee that's how bad it is #so dumb #LMFAO

working on my planning pinterest board for HAIR—interested parties can find it here—and i'm realizing more and more that i don't think the tribe would necessarily be spending all/most of their time in central park (even though it's referenced a few times), i think they'd be in tompkins square park a good amount of the time too

#i'm really interested in what it could look like to set the show in a grittier/dirtier part of NYC than just central park; so often the show #comes across as too sanitized too dayglo too divorced from the reality of these kids' financial situations (whether broke or coming from #privilege) by flattening the design into Sixties Pastiche™️

i miss this show so much lmao

#i am so glad the school year is almost done but i am so proud of the ensemble we built and am so grateful that this was my first show here #plus the photos came out SO well i'm really pleased about that too

last night's set—this was a really fun night and i'm particularly happy with how it went on the whole

#it was raining yesterday and this really fit the weather

also i did go back and buy that swimsuit btw :)

show is over and it went super well i'm so proud of everybody i'm excited to drive down to SD to guest lecture and to DJ tomorrow but man i am so goddamn fucking exhausted

also i may have to go back to target to get this swimsuit that i tried on yesterday—i’m not entirely sure how i feel about the mid-rise tie things on the side as so i tried to tie them higher—i like the color a lot though—why is mid-rise back in fashion though i hate it here

#with my proportions it looks (imho) so stupid when things fall mid hip vs. at the waist

we are at the stage of dress/tech where everyone (minus the actors thankfully knock on wood) is starting to get colds myself included and if i'm dealing with both a cold and my period on my birthday next week i'm going to be extremely unhappy

#everyone is really consistent about masking though which is excellent #but yeah i've been fighting this off for a few days and i'm not pleased lol

my theatrenthusiam posting on main aside i do currently hate theatre as we start Q2Q for my show tonight which means being on this campus for over twelve hours today when i'm already exhausted BUT! we persevere

the show is going great though (knock on wood) and i'm so pleased with the progress we've made i just really cannot be dealing with physical bullshit for the next two and half weeks

#one piece of good news is that i expected our stumble through to run over a hundred minutes and it was only ninety five which is GREAT for #a first stumble and reduced a lot of stress for me knowing we're in good shape

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