Single Christian Confessions

Just a blog navigating the struggle.

[cor-meum-vigilat]

Awakening

A new thing has been happening to me lately. It feels like the Lord has woken me up. A couple weeks ago, I visited a new church that meets on Saturdays (not for theological reasons). There, there were several words spoken over my life…they were prophetic. Since then, everything has come true. Every word. God has brought new people to my life, the peace of God rests within me wherever I go. It feels like scales have fallen from my eyes and I feel comfortable in my skin.

My anxiety is disappearing. My road rage!! It is going away. My anger. I no longer struggle with certain sins I used to. It is like the Lord is wiping me clean.

Today, some high schoolers said very rude things to me and egged my car. The egg got all over my car, on the inside and outside. And all I could think was…I wonder what would cause them to do such a thing. I prayed for them, sincerely hoping whatever goes on in their lives would heal.

A change has happened inside my heart. I have been in the church for many years. I have had spiritual experiences. I have felt the Lord. I have studied the Word. I was faithful for many years. But now…He is changing me on the inside. I struggled with really dark thoughts for a very long time last year. On New Year’s Day, I gave my heart to God, and I have changed. And two weeks ago, He moved again and my life has changed even more.

I don’t know how else to describe this, but my life has changed, and it is because of Jesus Christ. I am going to get baptized again on Sunday. It is a rededication. I don’t take baptism lightly. This is a very big deal for me.

I just thought I’d share my testimony on Tumblr. Those who know me have known that I have been a follower of the Lord for many years, but a new fire has been lit. I am pressing in.

May the fire never die.

[naturaekos]

reminder

[wisdomoftheholyfathers-deactiva]

[uncleanlips-deactivated20171008]

[thebeautifulcatholicfaith]

Mark Wahlberg and his wife

#AshTag #AshWednesday

[caffeinatedcatholic]

I saw this on Instagram yesterday and it warmed my heart

[singlechristianconfessions]

What??? Since when did Wahlberg convert to Catholicism? I thought he was Jewiish

[knowgodknowpeace]

🌹

[singlechristianconfessions]

Sigh. Here I thought things were going to change. I am reevaluating whether I even heard the Lord correctly regarding the relationship prospect. Everything is so hot and cold. I don’t know how to read it and don’t know what the next steps are. I keep hearing “patience.”

But the anxiety of someone else walking in and taking what I would have had with him...it grows.

The waiting is the hardest part. As always.

[snorlaxatives]

What do you think of girls with glasses??

i’m glad they can see

[cor-meum-vigilat]

Recurring message I have been hearing lately: Be real. Be real with God, be real with yourself, be real with others. But most importantly, be real with God. He knows who we are, so there is no use pretending. Although I am not a huge fan of Bruce Almighty, there is a scene in there where Jim Carrey is praying this magnanimous prayer as he talks to Morgan Freeman, who plays God. Jim Carrey prays for world peace and for all of these grand, big picture things. But “God” just tells him, come on now, tell me how you really feel. And Jim Carrey does. He just prays for the woman he loves, narrows the prayer to things going on in his life. Simple, but honest. I think that’s a powerful example of how God just wants us to talk to Him. Just being real, no matter how small or insignificant we think we are. He doesn’t see us that way.

[singlechristianconfessions]

Simple Things by Michael Carreon.

This song is relationship goals. And a good WCS song.

[singlechristianconfessions]

When things do not go as planned

It has been nearly a month since going to that movie. I thought that would be enough of a signal. I guess it wasn’t. Things have not changed at all. I have tried engaging. Much more so than usual. Yet nothing. I don’t get it at all.

It leaves me starting to think that I really, really misread something. Maybe it wasn’t the Lord. But I look back at my old posts, and reading the word “patience” is hard to follow. I don’t want to make a second move. I don’t want to chase. I don’t, don’t don’t want that.

All of this gets me so cynical. And always nothing, now nothing.

I am confused, and I feel peace leaving me.

[naturaekos]

It’s all about the first person you wanna tell good news to.

The Weeknd (via naturaekos)

[weavemama]

[singlechristianconfessions]

Irony is the spice of life!

[singlechristianconfessions]

Recently Turned 30

And here I am, still single.

The struggle is real, folks.

I think to myself, should I have settled somewhere along the way. There were people interested in me. But they didn’t know the Lord like I’d envisioned “The One” would. Part of me wonders if this may have been foolish thinking. But. It wasn’t. They seemed to be Christian in name only. Didn’t even go to church. Or weren’t even believers at all.

I told myself, he has to know the Lord.

My eyes were recently opened to a man who does, but now I am starting to lack in confidence as to whether it really was the Lord. I am hoping the Lord will open a door soon for that, if only because I am so impatient. It feels like He has already, but now the negative thoughts have started creeping in.

“Would he even be interested?”

“I have gained a lot of weight since he’s known me.”

“I haven’t given him the time of day. Why would he even look at me?”

“Why would he even look at me?”

At 30, there are also biological factors that worry me, but I won’t allow the enemy to scare me with that. I will have faith in the positive.

Today I flew back to where I live. I was almost late for my flight. I got to the airport about 30 minutes before takeoff, and my luggage was over 25 minutes late, too. I was worried I would miss the flight, and I was worried that my luggage would get lost, or that I’d have to wait around for five hours before I could pick it up.

But I made it. I caught the plane in time, and my luggage arrived with me. This is really small, but the whole time, I felt the Lord say, “Have a little faith in Me.” And so I just said, “OK.”

OK, Lord.

OK to what you have for me. OK, to your faithfulness. Thank you for teaching me faith in this season. The words of my mother today were prophetic: “It’s OK, hija, everything will be OK.”

OK.

-SCC

[singlechristianconfessions]

Recurring patterns

It is a consistently recurring pattern where I would suffer anxiety if I didn’t hear from a certain “someone.” And then I would get depressed and my self-esteem would suffer.

Today was different.

I distinctly heard the Lord say “Be patient.” I truly feel that this is of God, but I feel myself sinking back into those old anxiety patterns where I get sad and depressed if I don’t hear from a person.

I didn’t want to be patient. I wanted to hear from him now. I wanted this to start now. But I hear the Lord saying, “Be patient.” And this just got me depressed thinking, well, does that mean I got my hopes up for nothing?

I don’t think so. The way this is all playing out. It is weird, but I feel no qualms here, despite my previous attitudes about this man.

I just asked the Lord to keep me in check. I just said, “Lord, help me not to be anxious about this. I don’t want my validation to come from attention.”

So I put on some worship music and asked the Lord to fill me.

And I feel at peace again.

Praise the Lord.

Praise the Lord.

-SCC

[naturaekos]

Don’t hide from the truth because it is the only light.

KANYE WEST (via naturaekos)

Dang, actually saying something legit.

[thequotejournals]

Have fun, even if it’s not the same kind of fun everyone else is having.

C.S. Lewis  (via thequotejournals)

my mantra this year. thanks Clive.

(via triumphantspirit)