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@singlemom-transson
I found your blog sometime last year and occasionally come back to reread posts, but it had been so long that I never expected an update! I'm glad you're back :) How are you and your kid doing now?
Thank you, I hope the things I've shared have helped you in some way.
Overall things are going well, we've recently had a minor setback, but we'll recover and keep moving forward.
Hope you're doing well Anon!
Change Is In The Wind...
I'll be honest here... I forgot about this blog until just now when I opened the app for something else.
I haven't read through my old posts yet, I just read the top of my page. It said, "I am 35 and have a 14 year old transgender son"... I'm 38 now and a lot has changed. A lot...
That feels like a lifetime ago... I'll save that for another time, that's a long story.
I hope you all are doing alright, especially with this current COVID-19 crisis we seem to be facing as one right now. I know it's scary out there... whether it's because of the virus, how people are reacting to it, lack of work and basic supplies, or anything else... but we will get through it. Together.
We're all struggling right now but there are people out there right now helping to make this easier to get through for not only our vulnerable populations but everyone! I know the news focus' on the bad but I can't tell you how many posts I've seen on my Facebook feed about people in the community, and not just mine. They're going out of their way to help people right now. It could be sharing supplies or picking them up for someone (while maintaining a safe distance from one another), people helping people with animals and where to turn for help to file for unemployment, I could go on.
Let's help each other out through this and try to find our silver lining.
youre a good mom.
Thank you, I just try to support him as best I can.
when i was in high school i felt so out of the loop with everyone else bc no one understood me being trans. I joined other things outsie of school though, like community theatre or a service group. It was a way to meet brand new people as myself
I think that's a great idea. Jake was involved in community theater for one play, but had some problems with kids his age who frequently participate in the plays. I'll look into what other opportunities there are in our town. I've also encouraged him to join clubs at school that he's interested in so hopefully he can meet new people and they would already have something in common. There's a few he's interested in, so we'll see how that goes.
Need some help...
Iām reaching out to any trans guys that may be following my blog.Ā Iāve known that somethingās been going on with Jake for a while...He started off school really strong but for a few weeks now his grades have been dropping, he hasnāt seemed himself, and last week I noticed heād been wearing long sleeves a lot lately...Itās summer time but I chalked it up to him feeling dysphoric. When he wanted to go to bed in a sweatshirt I asked to see his arms and they were all cut up.Ā Tonight I got him to open up a bit and Iām scared for him. He told me sometimes when he walks to the bus stop he thinks about not stopping, and keeping going. To where? I donāt know, I donāt think he knows. Heās not happy at school though. He says no one wants to hang out with him. Heās always had trouble making and keeping friends but the older he gets, the more if affects him. He said he doesnāt fit in, no one likes him. He has one friend thatās trans at his school, Sam, but Sam doesnāt usually hang out with Jake and instead hangs out with either a kid thatās annoying to Jake and they donāt get along, or Sam hangs out with Zach, an older asshole who took advantage of Jake earlier this year...I think the fact that some of Jakeās on-again, off-again friends still hang out with Zach, after the incident, really hurts him. It hurts me for him.... Anyhow, Iām encouraging Jake to keep a journal and/or start a tumblr. Iām wondering if anyone might be willing to talk to him. I had my own share of problems in high school, had a long time there where I didnāt really have any friends to hang out with, but no matter what I went through itās so much different for Jake. With him being trans heās got so much more to deal with than I ever did and I canāt relate to what heās going through. I love and support him and try to understand, but I havenāt been through it, I donāt know what itās like. Does anyone have any suggestions or advice?Ā
I wanted to share this video with you all. This is the first video I watched when my son came out to me and I began learning about transgender people. I discovered it on a tumblr blog by his son.Ā I watched this video probably within a few days to a few weeks after my son came out to me. I would be more specific but my life was a blur for a while after Jake came out. This video spoke to me, deeply. I hope that by sharing it, it can help more parents, family, and friends can get what I got out of it and let it inspire them to love their child regardless of gender. It doesnāt matter whatās in someoneās pants, whatās on their chest, or what pronouns they want to use. A person is who they are inside. Thatās what matters. Anyways, weāre coming up on the two year anniversary of Jakeās coming out to me. And I happen to be writing an essay for an English assignment right now; the topic is what I did when my son came out to me. I referred back to this video and realized, when I re-watched it, that this message needs to get out more. It helps to hear someone elseās story. It can reveal a new perspective. But while writing the essay I realized I wanted to share this video with you all, in case you havenāt seen it. And I hope that it can help someone else the way it helped me.Ā
Thank You
I havenāt posted anything in a while. I just logged on and saw that I have had recent activity. Iām amazed and feel honored that I have over 300 followers. I never expected this to come out of me trying to get my feelings out and share my perspective, as a mother, truly and honestly, bluntly at times even though it may hurt someoneās feelings...even my own.Ā I want to say thank you. Thank you for being a part of this, thank you for caring, and for those of you that are trans, thank you for being you. And thank you to the guys that have reached out to me throughout the time Iāve been writing and have offered advice, support, and shared their stories. Thank you.
Here's the boy showing off his new haircut he got last night at the conference. From what I understand Project Q from L.A. donated their time to provide free haircuts for those who wanted them here at the 2017 Gender Spectrum Conference.
Packer Update....
Thank you everyone for your insight and experiences you shared with me. After listening to what you all had to say and attending the #GenderSpectrum conference todayā¦I ordered the kid a packer. Heāll be surprised to get that package in the mail! (Pun intended) Lol
Gender Spectrum Conference Welcome Speech
So I'm attending the #2017GenderSpectrumConference with Jake this weekend.... I dropped him off with the other high-schoolers and I went to the welcome speech. Now I'm sitting in my car, trying not to cry like a baby.... Lisa, the person who gave the welcome speech had us do an exercise... Lisa read off a list of things and if they were true we were supposed to stand up or raise our hand. The list included things like: Stand up if.... You always got to shop in the clothes section you wanted to. Your body matches your gender. Your family and friends have never questioned your gender. You never had to think about which line to get in as a child, boys or girls. You've never been worried about which bathroom to use. You've never felt fearful in a bathroom because of your gender. Etc.... the list was long and I raised my hand every time. (I would've stood up every time but I recently had knee surgery...) Then Lisa reread the list and asked us to think of our children's answers.... Something clicked in my head when Lisa reread the list and it was all I could do to not just burst into tears cry like a baby. Thankfully the person next to had tissues and offered me one. For my son and all of you out there that have to deal with these issues every day, I'm so sorry that it's so hard. It shouldn't be. You are amazing and deserve to be treated with respect. I'm not sure what else to say, but you really are awesome and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.
Hey, I do not want to sound rude but I think your son needs a reality check. You supporting him in his transition and buying him all the things he needs for it should not be met with disrespect and sneaking out while grounded. It's obvious that you are being so supportive and he's really being a douche bag back. I would do anything in the world for my parents to talk to me again after I came out to them and I hope your son knows how god damn lucky it is you still love him.
Thank you for this, and you're right. He was really acting like an ass the first 5 months or so of this year. Things have been better the last couple months, he seems to have gotten his priorities back on track, thank goodness cuz damn, it's been really hard to deal with the shenanigans he was pulling.
His transition is not about you. I know it upsets you that this is not what you thought would happen when you first had your baby girl. And in some ways he is still the same person you love. But he needs to be able to express his true self to be happy. Would you deny him glasses if he had poor visiin? Or a cane if he needed help to walk? This is the same. Please let him have a packer & try to work through these feelings on your own (or with the help of a transcentric therapist or support group)
Yes, I know his transition isn't about me. It has nothing to do with me, it's about him and him feeling like his true self. You're right, this path certainly wasn't one I imagined taking when I had my baby, but it is what it is and I do want him to feel comfortable and confident. Mr. Limp is something that's been mentioned a couple times now, so I'll be looking into that. Someone also mentioned to think of it like a binder, just another tool to help him feel like his true self when worn, so that kind of helps me put it into perspective. Thank you for your input Anon.
My kid wants a packer and I'm freaking out!
My kid's talked about wanting a packer before and I've talked around it just because I'm not ready for that. Tonight I picked him up from GLAM and he was very excited because older friends of his made him a packer out of condoms and dish soap. He was laughing about it so I thought it was a joke, but no. He said he planned on using it as a packer. I know I'm not the one transitioning but its still hard for me, too, as his mom. I don't know why, can't place my finger on it, but I just feel like I'm not ready. Again, I know its not about me... Can someone please shed some light and help me understand? Is there anyone that can help me out with this?
My son found this awesome shirt at a thrift store the other day. <3
I haven't posted anything in a long time, life's been settling down a bit, thankfully, but still busy. I had to share with you that Jacob walked in our town's Pride March today. I'm very proud of the young man he's becoming.
I find it amazing that you're so supportive. Me, being a 13yr old Trans boy not yet out to anyone except a few close friends, reading this blog gives me hope that when I come out to my parents and family, that they'll be as supportive as you. I was questioning my sexuality not too long ago, and accidentally told my mom and all I go was the "you're to young for that" and that's made me quite nervous. Oh! Sorry about the slight ramble, I hope you have a lovely day/night! ā¤ļø
How Anon, I hope that when you're ready to come out that your parents, family and friends will be supportive of you. It's been a long, hard road for me but I've tried very hard to try to understand. For me, when I watched a TED Talk, https://youtu.be/GW8Plf_IXGs, it put things in perspective. I'd rather have my daughter become my son and be alive and happy, than a dead daughter... Now away from that morbid stuff... whenever you decide to come out I hope you're met with open arms and understanding. And thank you for your message. :)
Life is Crazy
And not always in a good way. Iām sorry I havenāt posted anything in a long time. Life has gotten in the way. I feel like the shit has hit the fan and things need to change around here.Ā For instance...I spent about 40 minutes in the local police station tonight... Not exactly the way I wanted to spend my evening. And I was there because of my 14 year old son. Jacob. The story is so long and itās so late I canāt tell it all tonight, but... Long story short...Jakeās grounded but instead of staying after school like he was supposed to he decided to go to aĀ āfriendāsā house that he knows heās not allowed to hang out with. He texted me at about 4:50, 10 minutes before I got off work, to tell me heās going to a friendās house, letās call him Carl. A. Heās grounded. He knows better than to go anywhere. B. I didnāt believe him based on the last 6+ months events. C. He was already at a differentĀ āfriendāsā house...The one he knows heās not allowed to see. Letās call him Pulp...As in, heās lucky I didnāt beat him to a pulp when I had the chance today. So Jake was already at Pulpās house when he texted me at 4:50. I got off work, sped over there, then the shit hit the fan.Ā (Mind you....a few weeks ago, maybe a month, I found out Jake and Pulp were friends. I didnāt like it because Jakeās 14 and Pulp is 17. But they met at Glam (a local lgbtq support group sort of thing for young adults) and I was hoping itād be a good friendship, someone for Jake to look up to. Then I found out Jake was dating Pulp. I tried to ignore my gut for a couple days, but I couldnāt once I saw a few of this kidās Instagram pictures & captions. I told Jake he needed to break up with Pulp and not associate with him anymore.) Two nights ago, Saturday night, Jake got in trouble for not being where he was supposed to be....Again! ...Thatās also the night that he was so emotional that he blurted out to me that heās already smoked, heās drank before, Oh! and, in his words, heāsĀ āalready fucked someone, too!āĀ
WHAT?!?!?!!!?!!!!!!! Guess who? Thatās right.....Pulp....Mother fucking pulp.........
This story could go on for a while but Iām tired so....super speedy version: Jake was already at Pulpās house when he texted me. I sped over there, got Jake outside by the car and then Pulp starts walking up. I ended up getting in his face and screaming at him when he asked what my problem was.Ā āYou fucked my FOURTEEN year old kid!!!!ā His response was to shrug his shoulders with a smug look on his face,Ā āSo?ā I can honestly say that I donāt understand how I was able to control myself. My entire body was shaking. Jake wouldnāt get in the car and then proceeded to walk back to Pulpās front porch. I called the cops because Iām sick and tired of this shit from Jake. Then we spent about 40 minutes or so in the police station discussing what was happening.Ā And yes, I will be pressing charges.I was preyed on as a teenager and I will not stand idly by while it happens to my son, whether he likes it or not. Turned out to be long story long...but so much has happened these last six or seven months....Iām exhausted. I donāt know how much more I can take. I try hard to be there for him, provide him with what he needs and wants, support him through his transition, etc.... And this is what I get in return.