This is lowkey long but I’m feeling chatty and thinky so have this my friends. Plus a sketch of Rocket bc why not LOL
But yeah basically, I don’t know, I just feel so unusual. I know I’m not that strange in the grand scheme of things. But my autism manifests for me in very isolating ways sometimes,
I genuinely struggle to think of things to think about and talk about that aren’t Rocket, I frequently annoy my family and friends by repeating stories and thoughts about Rocket over and over. But I can’t help it, it’s how I function in regards to him😭
I’ve absorbed practically every scrap of Rocket media out there on this physical earth, and I’m like, what nowww??? I just keep retreating my steps because I feel I have no where else to go lol. I’m running out of ideas!!! Not running out of passion, but ideas!! I could draw him every day for the rest of my life but my loves idk what other poses to put him in ctfu. But it’s funny because sometimes I’ll be feeling this way and I’ll just take a week’s break and get a blast of ideas in a dream or whatever.
But I’ve seen each guardians movie hundreds of times, truly, and I’ve been going on guardians fasts where I try to keep myself from watching the movies for as long as possible so they can be fresh when I return but it’s no use, lowkey no matter how long I stay away I have each line and shot and camera angle memorized down to a t, I know what shot is coming 10 shots before it happens, I know the when and where and how and why of every single scene in this entire franchise😭😭😭😭😭😭 my autism knows no bounds I’m telling you. I’ve read the books, the comics, the interviews— listened to the podcasts, seen the convention presentations, and deleted scenes. I have a folder of over 15,000 Rocket screenshots😵💫😵💫😵💫 I made my brother go into the settings and remove certain channels from the 5.1 audio track of vol 3 so I can hear rockets voice isolated with no backing music or sound effects. I’ve watched Rocket’s scenes across all movies in all available different dubbed languages just to get a different vibe. I make Rocket video edits all the time but I don’t post them anywhere. I write little scenes of Rocket and the guardians in my notes app, just vignettes of him existing. But sometimes I’ll overdose on Rocket thoughts and my brain will feel sopping wet, and I’ll try to force myself to think about something different for a while (with great difficulty) and all I’m thinking while thinking about other things is, hm, how can I make this about Rocket in some way? (And I always find a way)
I’m not going to go into great detail about this also but I’ve dealt with some FUCKED shit in my life and a while ago multiple things compounded and I started dealing with night terrors again, I’d wake myself up by screaming and crying Rocket’s name in my sleep, as if he could hear me and come save me. Wtff!!!
Later on I had dreams of meeting Rocket at a party where I’d go up to him and tell him my story and he would give me a hug, and other times I have dreams of going to the theater to watch GOTG vol 4 lol.
Idk what the point of this is either LOL I just feel like sharing my thoughts I guess.
People seem to think sometimes that special interests are all fun and games all of the time but that could not be farther from the truth— I have driven myself to genuine anguish from not being able to switch the channels in my brain at will. Like, Rocket is my default thought. He’s the last thing I think about before I go to sleep, and he’s the first thing I think about when I wake up. It’s not necessarily a good thing or a bad thing, it can be both, it’s just a truth about my brain chemistry that I sometimes have to genuinely work around lol. I’ve been this way my entire life. Before it was Rocket, it was Taylor Swift.
“The other half” of my brain as I would refer to it, is taken up by my deep encyclopedic passionate knowledge of pop music. In my free time, when I’m not drawing Rocket lmaooo, I write and produce and record pop albums and do photoshoots by myself and with my friends and I have an entire musical identity, I just haven’t posted it anywhere because I’m afraid it’ll make it scary somehow. I actually make a lot of songs ABOUT Rocket too that sort of combine these two halves of my brain. I could maybe end up posting these sometime if anyone would be interested in that.
So I guess what I’ll say at the end of this long winded post is, does anyone have any Rocket drawing requests lol? Any specific outfits or settings or moods you guys imagine him in? I’ve been meaning to ask you guys. It’s fun to gain inspiration in different areas.
Everyone sees Rocket a little differently, and I find it so interesting. Everyone sort of grows with and around their own version of him, and it’s very sweet to me.
What is your Rocket doing rn?
Thank you for reading lol
