thoughts about the hew Ministry HQ being in england 🎤
Well, first off, let me start this off with a sometimes-misunderstood Britishism by saying: bless you for this ask.
And I don’t mean that in the condescending way. I’ve been lying here in the dark for hours in physical pain, and the only thing that’s been helping so far is playing TR3 on my Switch while lying completely and utterly still. But my powerbank’s running out and I barely managed to stop myself from puking when I got up to grab it and the Switch, so I am very much in need of another distraction right now. 🥲
We drive on the left-hand side of the road. This means that if Cardi was indeed hit by that vehicle, then A) it was driving on the wrong side, B) the driver was swerving dramatically, C) Cardi was in the process of crossing the road (and presumably didn’t look or purposefully made sure traffic was coming (wait shit I think I’ve already posted about that oops))
^^ Also I should clarify for Americans that jaywalking is not a crime here. We cross roads wherever we want, provided we think it’s safe (or not lol) — and I do think this would appeal to Cardi a lot, as a man who feels like he’s lost most (if not all) control over his life. At least he can pick and choose where and when he crosses roads!
If the Clergy were real, then I could theoretically go stalk them without the fuss of international travel
Cardi is very lucky if he’s in a coma, since everyone else here is suffering through a second fucking heatwave in iirc less than a month
…On the other hand, perhaps Cardi will wake up with his face melted off from the heat! 🫠
Speaking of waking up: let us hope and pray that Cardi doesn’t wake up to find he can’t legally access his Reddit account without handing all his personal data over to a dodgy company 🙏 Poor man would be so upset.
OHHHH! If he weren’t so lost and confused, Cardi would absolutely be fanboying over our plug sockets. They’re high voltage for one thing, but you genuinely have no idea how fantastic it is to have switches on your sockets until you’ve had to live without them. I can just imagine him making happy noises over them. Crouched on the floor, flicking a hair dryer on and off without even touching its buttons… Talking to himself about how much safer this is in the event that something goes wrong… What a fucking nerd… 🥰
Marika’s probably super confused, because people keep mixing “Romanian” up with “Romani” and assuming she faces Big Racism due to her gypsy status. And then she gets a bit spooked when they hastily amend themselves, saying they meant “traveller”, because how the fuck do they know she used to be in a travelling circus???
Actually, I’m starting to wonder if the Clergy employees are possessed, because there is no way four British people are working together in such close quarters while also being well-behaved. Especially the blokes. Where are the insults? The ribbing? The football talk? 🤔 There are women in the room, so it’s normal for the blokes to tone things down a bit, but not this much…
Frater has absolutely gone sunbathing out the back in the past, only to suddenly find himself drenched in rain. He rushes back inside looking like his head’s been dunked in a bucket of inky water. “Where did it come from? It is still sunny! The forecast promised it would never rain today!”
^^ He never trusts the weather forecast again
IIRC some areas got struck with hailstones that were Proper Units a month or two ago. They broke through people’s roofs and stuff. I’m not sure if they struck where the Ministry is, but I’m just imagining Psaltarian standing beneath a bus shelter, scowling down at his torn-up umbrella while hail roars around him.
Cardi seems like the type of man who’d get really into meal deals (1 drink + 1 snack + 1 sandwich/wrap/salad/etc. for a set price — some item examples here. Some people are very passionate about them.)
I have no idea wtf this part of the location is supposed to be, but it looks great for Evil Satanic Rituals. Just saying.
I hate football, but I would absolutely bully Cardi until he showed support for the England team. I think he’d look funny with one of those plastic hats on
(I have genuinely never seen someone actually wearing one of these monstrosities, but they must do, because places keep selling them!)
Actually, Marika would look pretty fantastic too 🤭
OMG THEY GET TO EAT [MEATBALLS THAT SHARE A NAME WITH A HOMOPHOBIC SLUR THAT IS LITERALLY YOUNGER THAN THEM AND NOW I CAN’T NAME THE MEATBALLS FOR FEAR OF THE POST AUTOMATICALLY GETTING FLAGGED OR SOME SHIT FFS]!!!
^^ If you’re curious, look up Mr Brains products and look for the slur. Not everyone likes them, but they’re all soft and juicy and they go soooo well with mash and veg 🤤
(I was going to suggest something about Cardi getting into smoking for punny and potentially offensive reasons that only make sense here, but I think maybe that would be pushing things. 😅 If you know, you know.)
The communication issues as the Clergy gets used to how we say the time (half-four, quarter to ten, etc.) I’m sure there are much weirder methods elsewhere, but people often struggle with this — including some of us!
Oh my god. Please flood your head with images of Cardi, Marika, Judith, or anyone else cuddling a badger. Obviously, wild badgers would not actually want to be hugged, but oh my goooooodddd it would be so cuuuute!! 😍😍🦡
OMG one of the poor adorable red squirrels that we see less and less of due to the invasive grey ones!!! 🐿️
Cardi lying on the ground covered in cute little wild animals, looking very confused but also happy to be covered in so much fluffy cuteness 💙💙💙
Marika putting a little squirrel on his head!!!
*sudden transformation into the world’s most rubbery Disney Princess*
Really sorry if you were looking for something else. I don’t actually think on the New Ministry’s location very much, because… well… I spend so much time focused on a story set in the last Ministry that I honestly forget the new one is in England sometimes. 🫣
Anyway, it’s about quarter to six in the morning here now and I haven’t slept at all. I’m going to try and see if I can get a bit of sleep in (probably not lol).
Thanks for the distraction, Radley! 💙💜💙💜
