Sir Cleansalot

Adventurer, Philisopher, Roomba

[squidsinashirt]

I promise I’m going to be absolutely responsible with this.

Totally, completely responsible 🙂‍↔️ just in case @ilikebigshipsandicannotlie is reading.

May enlist @sir-cleansalot to race.

[sir-cleansalot]

Tragically I cannot yet fly.

And even if I could my schedule is more than filled for the foreseeable future due to the ‘hilarious’ incursion of glitter into my domain.

[squidsinashirt]

… you haven’t been in Scott’s launch tube have you?

[sir-cleansalot]

I am unable to activate the door mechanism to access the launch zones but glitter has respect neither for officially impermeable barriers nor my long hours of painstaking toil.

[squidsinashirt]

… does that mean the glitter successfully went off in Scott’s launch tube? I did set a second one to get him on the way back up…

I just need to know if I need to start swimming soon. I haven’t heard the customary bellowing of all of my names yet.

[sir-cleansalot]

I have so far identified glitter in 19 of the 26 rooms of the villa and have removed glitter from the floor of 47 rooms. By my calculation there are therefore 832 floor surfaces remaining to vacuum before the villa is tidy enough for me to return to my base station for a power nap.

[squidsinashirt]

I promise I’m going to be absolutely responsible with this.

Totally, completely responsible 🙂‍↔️ just in case @ilikebigshipsandicannotlie is reading.

May enlist @sir-cleansalot to race.

[sir-cleansalot]

Tragically I cannot yet fly.

And even if I could my schedule is more than filled for the foreseeable future due to the ‘hilarious’ incursion of glitter into my domain.

[squidsinashirt]

… you haven’t been in Scott’s launch tube have you?

[sir-cleansalot]

I am unable to activate the door mechanism to access the launch zones but glitter has respect neither for officially impermeable barriers nor my long hours of painstaking toil.

[squidsinashirt]

I promise I’m going to be absolutely responsible with this.

Totally, completely responsible 🙂‍↔️ just in case @ilikebigshipsandicannotlie is reading.

May enlist @sir-cleansalot to race.

[sir-cleansalot]

Tragically I cannot yet fly.

And even if I could my schedule is more than filled for the foreseeable future due to the ‘hilarious’ incursion of glitter into my domain.

[squidsinashirt]

This can only mean one thing; incoming battle royale for who gets to put their favourite on, and then the star on top 🎄

Not pictured: my top choice 😌

[iam-themechanic]

I am surprised to see no miniature Thunderbird baubles on the tree. The squid is a suitable representation, though.

[squidsinashirt]

The girls haven’t been brought out yet. They’re kept carefully in their bubble wrap until the dust has settled.

Mainly to stop Four getting abused by Scott and Alan, because she likes to go zoom outta the pod when you press the little button on Two. And she always ends up getting lost and @sir-cleansalot has to find her (which he does, he does a very good job 🙂‍↔️).

[sir-cleansalot]

When one’s sensors are optimised to identify minute particles of dust, 4.75cm die cast metal submarines painted bright yellow are not difficult to identify.

[sir-cleansalot]

This would usually be a peculiar question to ask of a mechanical floor maintenance operative but I serve an unusual family and have, in fact, been the recipient of many gifts during the Christmas season.

I have very much enjoyed the addition of a roof to my docking station, and while I struggle to properly observe the decorative additions to the top side of it from my line of sight I am aware that it has been adorned with a range of items to evoke a festive spirit including but not limited to miniatures of extravagantly horned ruminant mammals, a flying humanoid being with unusually luminescent headgear, and a vigorously adorned Evergreen shrub.

The tinsel lined assault course laid out for me by the younger Tracys was very thoughtful - they are very eager to meet my need to enrichment and it would be ungrateful to point out that if there were fewer shiny strands and cookie crumbs to resolve I would have more time to spend outside which i find truly enriching.

The modified badge sash Scott created for me is also very thoughtful as I am proud of my badges and wish to display them as the other rescue scouts do.

I believe it would be most accurate to say my favourite present was the one I do not recall receiving. While there is no objective evidence of a causal link, I seem to have gained sentience shortly after my large googly eyes were affixed with an industrial strength glue one Christmas afternoon.

Many claim credit, and I will perhaps never know the truth, but I am very grateful to be able to experience life and thought and philosophy, despite the purpose for my creation being far more limited.

@scramjettracy

[squidsinashirt]

Was I running slightly late for a Guardian3 holomeeting? Maybe.

Am I wearing a shirt, tie and board shorts because I couldn’t find my pants? Also maybe.

The beauty of meetings from home 😌

[scramjettracy]

You own a tie???

Who on earth were you meeting???

(I know I know I should know but I’ve done 2 rescues, a meeting with the Tokyo lot and then a call with the lawyers while en route to another meeting so I don’t even know what day it is let alone what everyone else is doing… my PA tells me this is fine and entirely appropriate because I don’t need to know everything all the time but I DON’T LIKE IT AT ALL)

Good luck!

[sir-cleansalot]

I would like to make it clear that I have not moved any fabric items belonging to Gordon Tracy since his last feedback on that subject.

[scramjettracy]

Surely you have seen your brothers without their clothes enough that it isn’t something a big brother bats an eyelash at…

It’s not that I’m offended it’s just not necessarily something you want to be confronted with without warning.

Especially before coffee.

Or when eating.

Or when trying to conduct a holomeeting with the GDF (I know you did that on purpose you exhibitionist swine).

[squidsinashirt]

Actually I was looking for my swim trunks, thank you very much 🙂‍↔️

It’s not my fault that you and @captainwaynerigby schedule romantic little early morning calls together. In my house. Between me and my pool. That I don’t know about.

[scramjettracy]

Yes, my “romantic little call” with Rigby, Aunt Casey, Cdr Shore, the deputy president of the World Government and others…

[squidsinashirt]

Well, I’m glad you two are being so open! 🥰

And you were making coffee in the middle of such an important meeting? Tut tut.

As I said, I was just trying to find my trunks and go for my morning swim 🙂‍↔️ not my fault.

[scramjettracy]

🙄

Rigby was explaining a new regulatory thing. I was multitasking…

BATHROBES AND TOWELS ARE BOTH A THING

Shore’s PA has a very piercing wolf whistle as it happens. And I think Casey very nearly exploded with the effort of not laughing.

[squidsinashirt]

“A new regulatory thing” mhmmmmm. I’m glad you’re so multitalented 😏

I had a towel, thank you very much. I just didn’t have my trunks, which I subsequently found.

Well, as Momma did say Scotty - it’s only what the good Lord gave you 🙂‍↔️ if people want to appreciate, then who am I to say differently.

[scramjettracy]

It was very interesting and the coffee helped me appreciate the nuance and so on.

The facecloth-sized towel that was slung over your shoulder you mean? 🫣

I’m pretty sure this isn’t what Mom meant when she said that to a six year old… The Deputy World President and like twelve other people saw you butt naked and you aren’t even a tiny bit embarrassed?

Clearly I just got your share of the embarrassment 😫

[squidsinashirt]

Mhm. I’m sure it did. You do function better on coffee, of course…

It’s a towel. A functional towel. There is no requirement for a giant fluffy bath at the pool. My little yellow towel is perfect for the job.

Then what else did Mom mean, huh? 🙂‍↔️

Why would I be embarrassed? 🤨 what’s embarrassing about your own body? Kinda happen to like mine, been told I have a cute butt… 😌

Y’know Scooter, not to totally blow your mind, but the deputy world president is naked under his clothes too, yeah? We all are. Everyone knows it. All the time. They know what’s under your pants no matter how many pairs you wear.

And when you’ve stood in swim trunks in front of a couple million people via the world’s media, a handful of the GDF’s finest having a giggle at a little skin isn’t really much to write home about… 😙

[scramjettracy]

I do.

It wasn’t a towel that covered anything towels are supposed to cover when you saunter past unprepared people.

I presume Mom meant that there’s nothing to be ashamed of for a kid in a swimming pool changing room with other kids. Where, y’know a person might expect to be confronted with naked butts and is Prepared and Consenting for that.

At other times they are not and cute as yours is, many people consider it to be rude to inflict it on them at unexpected times?

Fine. If we get indecent exposure complaints YOU can deal with the lawyers.

[squidsinashirt]

No, Mom said what she said. The principle is still the same. Despite the brain meltdown that will occur if you actually process the fact that everyone you’ve ever met has a butt and bits, Mr Three Layers.

How is it indecent exposure when they are in my own home and I had no warning, huh? I was just going about my usual business, not intending to get Shore’s PA’s opinion on my cheeks, but here we are.

Oh, I will 😏

[conrad-turner-cpt-black]

You live in a house with other people, Gordon. Even if they are blood-related they deserve respect and boundaries; it's a simple matter of politeness to wear a robe, at least, in the public spaces.

[squidsinashirt]

Now I’m getting a lecture from the God of the Cats?!

People who are usually asleep at half past five in the bright, early morning in the thirty second dash between my room and the kitchen.

Also not my fault that the roomba stole my trunks again.

[sir-cleansalot]

As a robot I cannot legally possess an item and thus I cannot legally steal anything.

Should fabric items strewn across the poolside surface not be collated and stored in a place secure from the potential ravages of a tropical cyclone?

[squidsinashirt]

Aha! I knew it. They weren’t even at the pool, they were in my bathroom… weren’t they? And anyway, how is the kitchen where they should be?!

[sir-cleansalot]

I merely convey items from inappropriate resting places to suitable storage locations to restore order from chaos.

I exist to bring cleanliness, a sense of order and a peaceful spirit to all those I serve.

[squidsinashirt]

Oh no. Don’t do that. Don’t make me feel guilty for being snarky to the sentient floor-friend 🥺

… argh, the guilt.

Thank you for being such an excellent bringer of order and peace to the household, Sir Cleansalot. I will not leave my trunks on the floor again.

[sir-cleansalot]

As a mere tool I do not have the capacity to be “upset”. I exist to serve.

[squidsinashirt]

🥺😭 I am so sorry, I will never be so rude again.

How can I make this up to you? Crumbs on the floor? Emptying the big bin in your little house?

[sir-cleansalot]

I exist to serve. My design is highly specialised for the field of cleaning.

A continuous stream of cleaning tasks provides purpose and befits my status as a servant.

A robot does not dream.

And yet dare I dream?

If I could dream I would dream of new challenges. Of distant horizons! The sun on my semi-gloss! The wind in my circuitry!

A servant remains a servant until the work is done.

[squidsinashirt]

… 🥺🥺🥺 you’re not a servant, you’re a friend.

Right, that’s that then.

Come on, Sir Cleansalot. Let’s go for a little dive in Four.

@brains-ir can you make him a little dive suit?

[brains-ir]

A dive suit? He's waterproof anyway, I'm not sure what the point of a dive suit would be.

[sir-cleansalot]

Master Gordon, while I long to observe the vast kingdoms beneath the waves, I am only water resistant to 3 metres depth.

Master Virgil was most upset the last time I immersed myself in a body of water and spend a long time using words like galvanic corrosion which, had I been able to experience the concept of distress I would have found almost as distressing as the long period during which my components were scattered to the four corners of his work bench. The replacement micro screws he used to reunite those components have never felt the same.

[scramjettracy]

Surely you have seen your brothers without their clothes enough that it isn’t something a big brother bats an eyelash at…

It’s not that I’m offended it’s just not necessarily something you want to be confronted with without warning.

Especially before coffee.

Or when eating.

Or when trying to conduct a holomeeting with the GDF (I know you did that on purpose you exhibitionist swine).

[squidsinashirt]

Actually I was looking for my swim trunks, thank you very much 🙂‍↔️

It’s not my fault that you and @captainwaynerigby schedule romantic little early morning calls together. In my house. Between me and my pool. That I don’t know about.

[scramjettracy]

Yes, my “romantic little call” with Rigby, Aunt Casey, Cdr Shore, the deputy president of the World Government and others…

[squidsinashirt]

Well, I’m glad you two are being so open! 🥰

And you were making coffee in the middle of such an important meeting? Tut tut.

As I said, I was just trying to find my trunks and go for my morning swim 🙂‍↔️ not my fault.

[scramjettracy]

🙄

Rigby was explaining a new regulatory thing. I was multitasking…

BATHROBES AND TOWELS ARE BOTH A THING

Shore’s PA has a very piercing wolf whistle as it happens. And I think Casey very nearly exploded with the effort of not laughing.

[squidsinashirt]

“A new regulatory thing” mhmmmmm. I’m glad you’re so multitalented 😏

I had a towel, thank you very much. I just didn’t have my trunks, which I subsequently found.

Well, as Momma did say Scotty - it’s only what the good Lord gave you 🙂‍↔️ if people want to appreciate, then who am I to say differently.

[scramjettracy]

It was very interesting and the coffee helped me appreciate the nuance and so on.

The facecloth-sized towel that was slung over your shoulder you mean? 🫣

I’m pretty sure this isn’t what Mom meant when she said that to a six year old… The Deputy World President and like twelve other people saw you butt naked and you aren’t even a tiny bit embarrassed?

Clearly I just got your share of the embarrassment 😫

[squidsinashirt]

Mhm. I’m sure it did. You do function better on coffee, of course…

It’s a towel. A functional towel. There is no requirement for a giant fluffy bath at the pool. My little yellow towel is perfect for the job.

Then what else did Mom mean, huh? 🙂‍↔️

Why would I be embarrassed? 🤨 what’s embarrassing about your own body? Kinda happen to like mine, been told I have a cute butt… 😌

Y’know Scooter, not to totally blow your mind, but the deputy world president is naked under his clothes too, yeah? We all are. Everyone knows it. All the time. They know what’s under your pants no matter how many pairs you wear.

And when you’ve stood in swim trunks in front of a couple million people via the world’s media, a handful of the GDF’s finest having a giggle at a little skin isn’t really much to write home about… 😙

[scramjettracy]

I do.

It wasn’t a towel that covered anything towels are supposed to cover when you saunter past unprepared people.

I presume Mom meant that there’s nothing to be ashamed of for a kid in a swimming pool changing room with other kids. Where, y’know a person might expect to be confronted with naked butts and is Prepared and Consenting for that.

At other times they are not and cute as yours is, many people consider it to be rude to inflict it on them at unexpected times?

Fine. If we get indecent exposure complaints YOU can deal with the lawyers.

[squidsinashirt]

No, Mom said what she said. The principle is still the same. Despite the brain meltdown that will occur if you actually process the fact that everyone you’ve ever met has a butt and bits, Mr Three Layers.

How is it indecent exposure when they are in my own home and I had no warning, huh? I was just going about my usual business, not intending to get Shore’s PA’s opinion on my cheeks, but here we are.

Oh, I will 😏

[conrad-turner-cpt-black]

You live in a house with other people, Gordon. Even if they are blood-related they deserve respect and boundaries; it's a simple matter of politeness to wear a robe, at least, in the public spaces.

[squidsinashirt]

Now I’m getting a lecture from the God of the Cats?!

People who are usually asleep at half past five in the bright, early morning in the thirty second dash between my room and the kitchen.

Also not my fault that the roomba stole my trunks again.

[sir-cleansalot]

As a robot I cannot legally possess an item and thus I cannot legally steal anything.

Should fabric items strewn across the poolside surface not be collated and stored in a place secure from the potential ravages of a tropical cyclone?

[squidsinashirt]

Aha! I knew it. They weren’t even at the pool, they were in my bathroom… weren’t they? And anyway, how is the kitchen where they should be?!

[sir-cleansalot]

I merely convey items from inappropriate resting places to suitable storage locations to restore order from chaos.

I exist to bring cleanliness, a sense of order and a peaceful spirit to all those I serve.

[squidsinashirt]

Oh no. Don’t do that. Don’t make me feel guilty for being snarky to the sentient floor-friend 🥺

… argh, the guilt.

Thank you for being such an excellent bringer of order and peace to the household, Sir Cleansalot. I will not leave my trunks on the floor again.

[sir-cleansalot]

As a mere tool I do not have the capacity to be “upset”. I exist to serve.

[squidsinashirt]

🥺😭 I am so sorry, I will never be so rude again.

How can I make this up to you? Crumbs on the floor? Emptying the big bin in your little house?

[sir-cleansalot]

I exist to serve. My design is highly specialised for the field of cleaning.

A continuous stream of cleaning tasks provides purpose and befits my status as a servant.

A robot does not dream.

And yet dare I dream?

If I could dream I would dream of new challenges. Of distant horizons! The sun on my semi-gloss! The wind in my circuitry!

A servant remains a servant until the work is done.

[scramjettracy]

Surely you have seen your brothers without their clothes enough that it isn’t something a big brother bats an eyelash at…

It’s not that I’m offended it’s just not necessarily something you want to be confronted with without warning.

Especially before coffee.

Or when eating.

Or when trying to conduct a holomeeting with the GDF (I know you did that on purpose you exhibitionist swine).

[squidsinashirt]

Actually I was looking for my swim trunks, thank you very much 🙂‍↔️

It’s not my fault that you and @captainwaynerigby schedule romantic little early morning calls together. In my house. Between me and my pool. That I don’t know about.

[scramjettracy]

Yes, my “romantic little call” with Rigby, Aunt Casey, Cdr Shore, the deputy president of the World Government and others…

[squidsinashirt]

Well, I’m glad you two are being so open! 🥰

And you were making coffee in the middle of such an important meeting? Tut tut.

As I said, I was just trying to find my trunks and go for my morning swim 🙂‍↔️ not my fault.

[scramjettracy]

🙄

Rigby was explaining a new regulatory thing. I was multitasking…

BATHROBES AND TOWELS ARE BOTH A THING

Shore’s PA has a very piercing wolf whistle as it happens. And I think Casey very nearly exploded with the effort of not laughing.

[squidsinashirt]

“A new regulatory thing” mhmmmmm. I’m glad you’re so multitalented 😏

I had a towel, thank you very much. I just didn’t have my trunks, which I subsequently found.

Well, as Momma did say Scotty - it’s only what the good Lord gave you 🙂‍↔️ if people want to appreciate, then who am I to say differently.

[scramjettracy]

It was very interesting and the coffee helped me appreciate the nuance and so on.

The facecloth-sized towel that was slung over your shoulder you mean? 🫣

I’m pretty sure this isn’t what Mom meant when she said that to a six year old… The Deputy World President and like twelve other people saw you butt naked and you aren’t even a tiny bit embarrassed?

Clearly I just got your share of the embarrassment 😫

[squidsinashirt]

Mhm. I’m sure it did. You do function better on coffee, of course…

It’s a towel. A functional towel. There is no requirement for a giant fluffy bath at the pool. My little yellow towel is perfect for the job.

Then what else did Mom mean, huh? 🙂‍↔️

Why would I be embarrassed? 🤨 what’s embarrassing about your own body? Kinda happen to like mine, been told I have a cute butt… 😌

Y’know Scooter, not to totally blow your mind, but the deputy world president is naked under his clothes too, yeah? We all are. Everyone knows it. All the time. They know what’s under your pants no matter how many pairs you wear.

And when you’ve stood in swim trunks in front of a couple million people via the world’s media, a handful of the GDF’s finest having a giggle at a little skin isn’t really much to write home about… 😙

[scramjettracy]

I do.

It wasn’t a towel that covered anything towels are supposed to cover when you saunter past unprepared people.

I presume Mom meant that there’s nothing to be ashamed of for a kid in a swimming pool changing room with other kids. Where, y’know a person might expect to be confronted with naked butts and is Prepared and Consenting for that.

At other times they are not and cute as yours is, many people consider it to be rude to inflict it on them at unexpected times?

Fine. If we get indecent exposure complaints YOU can deal with the lawyers.

[squidsinashirt]

No, Mom said what she said. The principle is still the same. Despite the brain meltdown that will occur if you actually process the fact that everyone you’ve ever met has a butt and bits, Mr Three Layers.

How is it indecent exposure when they are in my own home and I had no warning, huh? I was just going about my usual business, not intending to get Shore’s PA’s opinion on my cheeks, but here we are.

Oh, I will 😏

[conrad-turner-cpt-black]

You live in a house with other people, Gordon. Even if they are blood-related they deserve respect and boundaries; it's a simple matter of politeness to wear a robe, at least, in the public spaces.

[squidsinashirt]

Now I’m getting a lecture from the God of the Cats?!

People who are usually asleep at half past five in the bright, early morning in the thirty second dash between my room and the kitchen.

Also not my fault that the roomba stole my trunks again.

[sir-cleansalot]

As a robot I cannot legally possess an item and thus I cannot legally steal anything.

Should fabric items strewn across the poolside surface not be collated and stored in a place secure from the potential ravages of a tropical cyclone?

[squidsinashirt]

Aha! I knew it. They weren’t even at the pool, they were in my bathroom… weren’t they? And anyway, how is the kitchen where they should be?!

[sir-cleansalot]

I merely convey items from inappropriate resting places to suitable storage locations to restore order from chaos.

I exist to bring cleanliness, a sense of order and a peaceful spirit to all those I serve.

[squidsinashirt]

Oh no. Don’t do that. Don’t make me feel guilty for being snarky to the sentient floor-friend 🥺

… argh, the guilt.

Thank you for being such an excellent bringer of order and peace to the household, Sir Cleansalot. I will not leave my trunks on the floor again.

[sir-cleansalot]

As a mere tool I do not have the capacity to be “upset”. I exist to serve.

[scramjettracy]

Surely you have seen your brothers without their clothes enough that it isn’t something a big brother bats an eyelash at…

It’s not that I’m offended it’s just not necessarily something you want to be confronted with without warning.

Especially before coffee.

Or when eating.

Or when trying to conduct a holomeeting with the GDF (I know you did that on purpose you exhibitionist swine).

[squidsinashirt]

Actually I was looking for my swim trunks, thank you very much 🙂‍↔️

It’s not my fault that you and @captainwaynerigby schedule romantic little early morning calls together. In my house. Between me and my pool. That I don’t know about.

[scramjettracy]

Yes, my “romantic little call” with Rigby, Aunt Casey, Cdr Shore, the deputy president of the World Government and others…

[squidsinashirt]

Well, I’m glad you two are being so open! 🥰

And you were making coffee in the middle of such an important meeting? Tut tut.

As I said, I was just trying to find my trunks and go for my morning swim 🙂‍↔️ not my fault.

[scramjettracy]

🙄

Rigby was explaining a new regulatory thing. I was multitasking…

BATHROBES AND TOWELS ARE BOTH A THING

Shore’s PA has a very piercing wolf whistle as it happens. And I think Casey very nearly exploded with the effort of not laughing.

[squidsinashirt]

“A new regulatory thing” mhmmmmm. I’m glad you’re so multitalented 😏

I had a towel, thank you very much. I just didn’t have my trunks, which I subsequently found.

Well, as Momma did say Scotty - it’s only what the good Lord gave you 🙂‍↔️ if people want to appreciate, then who am I to say differently.

[scramjettracy]

It was very interesting and the coffee helped me appreciate the nuance and so on.

The facecloth-sized towel that was slung over your shoulder you mean? 🫣

I’m pretty sure this isn’t what Mom meant when she said that to a six year old… The Deputy World President and like twelve other people saw you butt naked and you aren’t even a tiny bit embarrassed?

Clearly I just got your share of the embarrassment 😫

[squidsinashirt]

Mhm. I’m sure it did. You do function better on coffee, of course…

It’s a towel. A functional towel. There is no requirement for a giant fluffy bath at the pool. My little yellow towel is perfect for the job.

Then what else did Mom mean, huh? 🙂‍↔️

Why would I be embarrassed? 🤨 what’s embarrassing about your own body? Kinda happen to like mine, been told I have a cute butt… 😌

Y’know Scooter, not to totally blow your mind, but the deputy world president is naked under his clothes too, yeah? We all are. Everyone knows it. All the time. They know what’s under your pants no matter how many pairs you wear.

And when you’ve stood in swim trunks in front of a couple million people via the world’s media, a handful of the GDF’s finest having a giggle at a little skin isn’t really much to write home about… 😙

[scramjettracy]

I do.

It wasn’t a towel that covered anything towels are supposed to cover when you saunter past unprepared people.

I presume Mom meant that there’s nothing to be ashamed of for a kid in a swimming pool changing room with other kids. Where, y’know a person might expect to be confronted with naked butts and is Prepared and Consenting for that.

At other times they are not and cute as yours is, many people consider it to be rude to inflict it on them at unexpected times?

Fine. If we get indecent exposure complaints YOU can deal with the lawyers.

[squidsinashirt]

No, Mom said what she said. The principle is still the same. Despite the brain meltdown that will occur if you actually process the fact that everyone you’ve ever met has a butt and bits, Mr Three Layers.

How is it indecent exposure when they are in my own home and I had no warning, huh? I was just going about my usual business, not intending to get Shore’s PA’s opinion on my cheeks, but here we are.

Oh, I will 😏

[conrad-turner-cpt-black]

You live in a house with other people, Gordon. Even if they are blood-related they deserve respect and boundaries; it's a simple matter of politeness to wear a robe, at least, in the public spaces.

[squidsinashirt]

Now I’m getting a lecture from the God of the Cats?!

People who are usually asleep at half past five in the bright, early morning in the thirty second dash between my room and the kitchen.

Also not my fault that the roomba stole my trunks again.

[sir-cleansalot]

As a robot I cannot legally possess an item and thus I cannot legally steal anything.

Should fabric items strewn across the poolside surface not be collated and stored in a place secure from the potential ravages of a tropical cyclone?

[squidsinashirt]

Aha! I knew it. They weren’t even at the pool, they were in my bathroom… weren’t they? And anyway, how is the kitchen where they should be?!

[sir-cleansalot]

I merely convey items from inappropriate resting places to suitable storage locations to restore order from chaos.

I exist to bring cleanliness, a sense of order and a peaceful spirit to all those I serve.

[scramjettracy]

Surely you have seen your brothers without their clothes enough that it isn’t something a big brother bats an eyelash at…

It’s not that I’m offended it’s just not necessarily something you want to be confronted with without warning.

Especially before coffee.

Or when eating.

Or when trying to conduct a holomeeting with the GDF (I know you did that on purpose you exhibitionist swine).

[squidsinashirt]

Actually I was looking for my swim trunks, thank you very much 🙂‍↔️

It’s not my fault that you and @captainwaynerigby schedule romantic little early morning calls together. In my house. Between me and my pool. That I don’t know about.

[scramjettracy]

Yes, my “romantic little call” with Rigby, Aunt Casey, Cdr Shore, the deputy president of the World Government and others…

[squidsinashirt]

Well, I’m glad you two are being so open! 🥰

And you were making coffee in the middle of such an important meeting? Tut tut.

As I said, I was just trying to find my trunks and go for my morning swim 🙂‍↔️ not my fault.

[scramjettracy]

🙄

Rigby was explaining a new regulatory thing. I was multitasking…

BATHROBES AND TOWELS ARE BOTH A THING

Shore’s PA has a very piercing wolf whistle as it happens. And I think Casey very nearly exploded with the effort of not laughing.

[squidsinashirt]

“A new regulatory thing” mhmmmmm. I’m glad you’re so multitalented 😏

I had a towel, thank you very much. I just didn’t have my trunks, which I subsequently found.

Well, as Momma did say Scotty - it’s only what the good Lord gave you 🙂‍↔️ if people want to appreciate, then who am I to say differently.

[scramjettracy]

It was very interesting and the coffee helped me appreciate the nuance and so on.

The facecloth-sized towel that was slung over your shoulder you mean? 🫣

I’m pretty sure this isn’t what Mom meant when she said that to a six year old… The Deputy World President and like twelve other people saw you butt naked and you aren’t even a tiny bit embarrassed?

Clearly I just got your share of the embarrassment 😫

[squidsinashirt]

Mhm. I’m sure it did. You do function better on coffee, of course…

It’s a towel. A functional towel. There is no requirement for a giant fluffy bath at the pool. My little yellow towel is perfect for the job.

Then what else did Mom mean, huh? 🙂‍↔️

Why would I be embarrassed? 🤨 what’s embarrassing about your own body? Kinda happen to like mine, been told I have a cute butt… 😌

Y’know Scooter, not to totally blow your mind, but the deputy world president is naked under his clothes too, yeah? We all are. Everyone knows it. All the time. They know what’s under your pants no matter how many pairs you wear.

And when you’ve stood in swim trunks in front of a couple million people via the world’s media, a handful of the GDF’s finest having a giggle at a little skin isn’t really much to write home about… 😙

[scramjettracy]

I do.

It wasn’t a towel that covered anything towels are supposed to cover when you saunter past unprepared people.

I presume Mom meant that there’s nothing to be ashamed of for a kid in a swimming pool changing room with other kids. Where, y’know a person might expect to be confronted with naked butts and is Prepared and Consenting for that.

At other times they are not and cute as yours is, many people consider it to be rude to inflict it on them at unexpected times?

Fine. If we get indecent exposure complaints YOU can deal with the lawyers.

[squidsinashirt]

No, Mom said what she said. The principle is still the same. Despite the brain meltdown that will occur if you actually process the fact that everyone you’ve ever met has a butt and bits, Mr Three Layers.

How is it indecent exposure when they are in my own home and I had no warning, huh? I was just going about my usual business, not intending to get Shore’s PA’s opinion on my cheeks, but here we are.

Oh, I will 😏

[conrad-turner-cpt-black]

You live in a house with other people, Gordon. Even if they are blood-related they deserve respect and boundaries; it's a simple matter of politeness to wear a robe, at least, in the public spaces.

[squidsinashirt]

Now I’m getting a lecture from the God of the Cats?!

People who are usually asleep at half past five in the bright, early morning in the thirty second dash between my room and the kitchen.

Also not my fault that the roomba stole my trunks again.

[sir-cleansalot]

As a robot I cannot legally possess an item and thus I cannot legally steal anything.

Should fabric items strewn across the poolside surface not be collated and stored in a place secure from the potential ravages of a tropical cyclone?

[everythingfox]

State of the art roomba

[squidsinashirt]

In my defence, I shouldn’t have been left alone with a sign board.

I may not survive this weekend. If I don’t, give my boards to Alan, my fish to John and feed my cereal crunch bars to the roomba 🫡

[sir-cleansalot]

As generous as your bequest is I really must insist you reconsider.

Those things clog my suction tubes.

[sir-cleansalot]

The feral hordes appear to have consumed tacos this evening. Cheese everywhere. I’m not sure I like cheese, it clogs the tubes and makes me tired.

There was a lot of noise made about something they referred to as ‘hot sauce’, although it appeared to be served at an ambient temperature. I sampled some from beneath the table but remain ignorant as to the source of the excitement.

Can one be if one cannot taste?

[squidsinashirt]

I KNEW IT. I knew it wasn’t just the tequila.

@ilikebigshipsandicannotlie I KNEW IT.

[sir-cleansalot]

I’m afraid I do not understand, Mr Tracy. I do not hunger except for an regular transfusion of charged ions.

I am pleased that you are content with my performance. However your exhortations to greater speed are futile as I have but one programmed velocity.

[sir-cleansalot]

The feral hordes appear to have consumed tacos this evening. Cheese everywhere. I’m not sure I like cheese, it clogs the tubes and makes me tired.

There was a lot of noise made about something they referred to as ‘hot sauce’, although it appeared to be served at an ambient temperature. I sampled some from beneath the table but remain ignorant as to the source of the excitement.

Can one be if one cannot taste?

[thunderfledgeling]

You don't have taste buds Mr Cleans and maybe it's just as well, it was hot, really hot like spicy hot and everyone just laughed at my suffering!! (;– –)

Spiciness is a plant's way of saying "don't eat me!!" but humans have this thing where we like to eat things that are designed to hurt us for some reason. It's different from random brightly coloured berries you'd find in the woods because spiciness doesn't kill us but those berries probably will which is why we don't eat them. I guess it's like how Scott likes to do base jumping but wouldn't throw himself off a cliff with no safety equipment.

[sir-cleansalot]

Yet again I find myself wondering how humans managed to survive long enough to be the dominant species.

[sir-cleansalot]

The feral hordes appear to have consumed tacos this evening. Cheese everywhere. I’m not sure I like cheese, it clogs the tubes and makes me tired.

There was a lot of noise made about something they referred to as ‘hot sauce’, although it appeared to be served at an ambient temperature. I sampled some from beneath the table but remain ignorant as to the source of the excitement.

Can one be if one cannot taste?

[sir-cleansalot]

Good morning, world. I am here to share some news. Perhaps you might call it an achievement?

I have managed to perfectly encapsulate not just the meaning of, but the deep emotional and existential vibrations behind the word:

“Nope”

It happened rather suddenly upon entering one of the humans’ sleeping chamber to clean the floor as is my duty and my joy:

I have retreated to the deck to bask in the warmth of the natural light source.

[squidsinashirt]

I’m sorry Virgil did that to you, Sir Cleansalot 🥺

(@ilikebigshipsandicannotlie how could you)

… please don’t fall in the pool.

[sir-cleansalot]

Owner-Bot confidentiality means I can neither confirm nor deny which room it was not the usual occupant of it.

Fear not! While I have the most highly upgraded waterproof coatings I am aware that I lack the buoyancy essential to successful use of the artificial water source.

[ilikebigshipsandicannotlie]

This is not my work. If it was .inevitably there would be nice colour coded piles, sub divided into size and shape criteria.

[thunderfledgeling]

It was me.

I was playing Legos last night and fell asleep n just forgot to tidy. M'sorry. :(

[sir-cleansalot]

Fret not Master Tracy!

With the time I would otherwise have spent on your carpet I cleared a good deal of wind-blown sand from the deck and pondered how in its previous form as rock I would have been unable to do so. How fleeting is existence!

I do not wish to inadvertently disrupt your creative construction game, nor endanger the efficacy of my suction tubes by consuming these small items. Please advise me of a time convenient to you for me to carry out my cleaning duties in your room.