— ❛ ┆ ɪɴ sɪᴛᴜᴀᴛɪᴏɴs ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜɪs, ʜᴇʀ ғɪsᴛs ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴀʟʟ ᴀɴᴅ sʜᴇ'ᴅ ʜɪᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛᴇᴠᴇʀ offensive things was causing the array of emotions that lodged themselves painfully in her throat. unfortunately, hitting sirena was as off limits as hitting danya or her mother or her father or her nephew. she couldn’t do it. she wanted to. god, she WISHED, she could just land one good hit on the opposite blonde’s face and let out all of her disappointment, her self-doubt, her frustration and betrayal - but she couldn’t. shoulders sagging, saskia stile din her motions for a moment and just went dead; everything turned off and she knew in times like this, it was better to just feel nothing.
forcing a tight smile, the younger dancer shook her head. ‘ you know, you really don’t have to. remember: we’ve been going separate ways since you left. i’m pretty used to separate ways. i’m FINE. ’ everything about her plastic smile hurt; her cheeks, her teeth, her heart even ached slightly. ‘ it’s all good, sirena. you have a life. i have a life. those two things don’t have to cross at all. i can tell gavin if you want me to. i mean, we only live together basically. it’s not hard to just walk ten steps to his room and say hey, don’t put me on the same schedule as sirena because she doesn’t want to be around me. ’ was there a bitter edge to the younger blonde’s tone? yes. would she admit it? no. ‘ i don’t WANT your explanation. it doesn’t matter anymore. you don’t matter anymore. ’
Sirena’s head was pounding. All she could do was force herself to try and remember why exactly she had left, what exactly was going on in her head to make her leave the place where she was welcomed, and wanted, had a family. Sirena knew the answer, but she didn’t ever want to admit it to herself, at least, she wouldn’t have then. She had a problem. Drugs, ecstasy, they ruled her life and it became all she could ever think about, all she wanted. Sirena made so many mistakes, and she could only dream of making them right.
Sirena shook her head some more, a tear threatening to escape her eye out of pure frustration, “No, Saskia, it’s not like that at all.” She began, “I’m different now! I’m clean.” She stressed the word, hoping to convey exactly what she meant. “I made stupid choices, I was stupid, but I’m not the same person.” She said hastily, voice showing her upset mood. “I want to be around you, I want —” but the words fell short, a knife piercing through her heart completely, the words her former sister used cutting her deep, and making her lose everything she wanted to say. “If that’s how you feel, then fine.” She muttered, pain dripping from her hurt voice. “I fucked up a lot, god Sas, I fucked up so much, and I never meant to, I never meant to hurt you. I didn’t come back because I knew you didn’t want me to.” She as much proved that when she said that the other no longer mattered.
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