only fools do what I do

KURT HUMMEL. 28. FASHION STYLIST. SINGLE. Coming soon. [ Disclaimer: I am not Chris Colfer, nor do I own any unedited or edited graphics unless otherwise stated. Despite my chagrin, I did not create the character of Kurt Hummel, though this is my own interpretation of him in an alternate universe. ]

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rberryonbroadway:

{private}

I don’t think that feeling is exactly one sided Kurt, especially after what I saw, butt hat’s a whole other story I said I wouldn’t speak about. 

Kurt, you’re a grown man and I’m going to say this only once. Is perusing this with Sebastian a good idea? Look what happened last time, and he’s even said himself that he’s not relationship material. I know you, I know you want all the bells and whistles when it comes to a relationship and Sebastian.. well.. are you sure monogamy works for him?

[ PRIVATE ]

Okay, but you can't say something like that and then expect me not to ask what you're talking about lol. So, what are you talking about? What did you see?

I don't know. That's the exact reason I said no the night he wanted me back. I can't deny that the feelings are there, but so is the hesitation. So is the worry. Like...there's nothing to guarantee that he won't break my heart all over again. I mean, I can tell that he's changed. And, for the record, he /was/ monogomous for the six months that we were together. And I know he thinks he wants a relationship, but what if we get six months down the line again, and he starts getting restless? I just...I don't know what to do.

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fabrayonthetrax:

I’m guessing that hindsight isn’t about the internet. How are you doing?

Nope. Nope. Definitely not about the internet, ha. I’m doing alright, I guess. Throwing myself into work.

[sirenhummel-blog]

fabrayonthetrax replied to your post: So, I know that I’ve been absent for a while....

That seems like a bit of a whirlwind. Or just incredibly inconvenient, breakup included.

I think it was a little bit of both, to be honest. In retrospect, I probably should have seen it coming.

[sirenhummel-blog]

rberryonbroadway:

A few weeks ago? What happened?

[private] why are you only now telling me?

[ PRIVATE ]

I...I don’t know why I haven’t said anything. I’ve thrown myself into work in an attempt to forget about it. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. He thinks I’m still hung up on Sebastian. And he’s not really wrong...

About a month ago, Sebastian asked me to break up with Kaiden and take him back. And I think he was serious; he wouldn’t risk destroying his friendship with Kaiden - they’ve known each other since they were little kids - unless he was serious. He all but told me he loved me. I still said no. But then I got home and pretty much had a full break down. I thought things were good after that; we seemed like we were on a good page. I thought I’d finally let go. Then Kaiden broke up with me. He said he loved me and we could still be friends, but I was still in love with Sebastian, and I should try to fix things with him.

I obviously have not.

[sirenhummel-blog]

rberryonbroadway replied to your post: So, I know that I’ve been absent for a while....

You split up?

Yeah. He broke things off with me a few weeks ago. 

[jamesstjesse]

Phone Fumble | St. Hummel

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jamesstjesse:

[breathes a laugh, hanging up the phone] Fair point. You didn’t guess wrong, so I wouldn’t say it’s not smart. It’s kind of flattering to be recognized by voice. [offers the phone to Kurt] I believe this belongs to you.

[ nods with a light chuckle ] You should be flattered. It's not every day I remember the voice of someone I've only talked to a handful of times. [ he was teasing of course, that much was probably obvious by the fact that he was grinning. letting out a sigh of relief, he took the phone from Jesse and quickly scrolled through his messages to see if he'd gotten any new ones before locking the phone a moment later and sliding it into his pocket ] Thank you so much for this. This phone is like...my lifeline.

[sirenhummel-blog]

So, I know that I've been absent for a while. There was a mix up with my internet provider, and those assholes turned off my internet for a while. Everything's fixed now, and I'm back. In other news, Jamie Skyped me this morning. She's apparently fallen in love with this Narco Detective - which made Kaiden laugh when I told him. In other other news, Kaiden and I split up a few weeks ago; we’re still on good terms, though.

What have I missed on every one else's end?

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FACE TO FACE || SEBAIDEN

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sebastiansnyc:

Good bro? Good bro? Let me just make a mental note not to let you handle any of my funeral arrangements. [ Sebastian grumbled, even though he felt warmer and more alive than he had in days. Weeks, even. Having something there, holding him, made everything just a bit easier. Sebastian squeezed his eyes tight together and enjoyed the moment while it lasted. It wasn’t every day he allowed himself to take comfort from someone else like this, but there had always been a few exceptions. Kaiden he’d come to terms with awhile ago. His sister too. And now it looked like Kurt was getting his name added to the list. Or, rather, Sebastian was finally acknowledging he was on it. Sitting up and marching on after that realization was simultaneously the hardest and easiest thing Sebastian had ever done. The hardest, because there was a part of him that just wanted to curl up and wallow forever; truly becoming what he’d always pretended to be. But he knew he couldn’t. If only because it was for Kurt and Sebastian had always been soft hearted, easily pliable even, when it came to him. ] Ha, don’t get ahead of yourself. We’re not adding any addendum to the Christmas card yet. Just because you say he still loves me and you think he’ll take me back doesn’t mean much until he actually takes me back. Though, if it happens, I’ll gladly hire one of those blimps to fly around the city with whatever sort of credit you’d like. [ Sebastian bit his lip, noticing the hurt in Kaiden’s eyes. The guilt crept back in, just a little, and Sebastian rubbed Kaiden’s shoulder. ] You deserve to be happy too, you know. And I hate that the two of us possibly being happy means you end up alone. Don’t worry though, bud. I can give you a few numbers, if you want. Potentially even numbers of people I haven’t slept with before.

Yes. Good. Bro. You'll be dead. You have no say. [ He smirked, though his face easily fell into a soft smile as the two of them sat in a comfortable silence. Over the years, he had gotten used to comforting Sebastian when he needed it; not that the other man often admitted that he needed it. There weren't many people that Sebastian let his walls down around, but Kaiden was one of them, and he had to admit that he was glad he was. His friendship with Sebastian - while he might not have let it on all the time - was important to him. They'd known each other since they were barely into their kindergarten years; it was the longest-running friendship he had, and he wasn't about to let Sebastian's feelings for Kurt - despite his own - destroy that friendship.  He laughed at Sebastian's comment about hiring a blimp to give him the credit he would deserve. ] I don't need a blimp. A plane with a banner flying behind it will be good. [ He nodded. ] But seriously. I don't doubt that he'll take you back, you just have to fight for him. I think deep down, he just wants to know he's worth fighting for. That you'll actually fight to be with him, even if he's being an asshole or pushing you away. [ He offered a light smile in return of Sebastian's words. ] I know I do. I'm fucking amazing. [ He laughed. ] Thank you for that; I might take you up on that offer, but it's not like I'm not a catch. It's not like I can't get my own date, Bas. Just because I've been hooked on Kurt for so long doesn't mean I've lost all my talent.

[ohneiljostens-deactivated202006]

You meet thousands of people and none of them really touch you. And then you meet one person and your life is changed… forever.

[emiliagrant]

insp.

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FACE TO FACE || SEBAIDEN

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sebastiansnyc:

[ Sebastian laughed when Kaiden jumped, running a thumb over the area he’d just pinched. ] Well, gee. Thanks a lot. Make sure that when I die you put that on my tombstone, okay? [ He sighed heavily, letting himself sag against Kaiden as his words started to hit Sebastian. Kaiden was right. He was twenty-seven years old for god’s sake. It was ridiculous for him to be scared anymore. Rationally, he knew that. But there was always going to be that voice in the back of his head telling him that things would never work out. That he wasn’t good enough. That he would ruin things somehow. Sebastian bit his lip hard, though the tight grip Kaiden had on him soothed those feelings just a little. ] You’re right. And I’m never saying that again so cherish this moment, okay? I just–I’m out of my depth here, K. I hate feeling like this… But yeah. [ Sebastian takes a deep breath and gives himself a beat to appreciate the position they’re in before sitting up straight. The scared little boy of a few minutes ago is gone, replaced with harsh lines and a jaw set with determination. ] I can do that. Kurt might not ever have to find out about… And don’t worry. I remember exactly what to do with him. [ Sebastian tried not to feel guilty as he gave Kaiden a lewd wink and a tight smile. ] That’s the part I’m best at.

[ Kaiden threw a light glare in Sebastian's direction as he felt the man's thumb running over the area that had just been pinched; Sebastian knew him well enough to know that was one spot that he was ticklish. Though, he couldn't help but laugh at the man's words. ] I think I will. "World's largest pain in the ass, but not an unbearable dick all the time." Sounds like a good epithet. If they charge by the letter, though, you'll just have to settle for "good bro". [ He laughed, though easily settled into the silence between them as Sebastian sank into his side; he knew his words were finally starting to sink into the younger man's thick skull, and he knew it had to be daunting which was why he continued his tight, supportive grip around him. He smiled widely when Sebastian told him that he was right, though rolled his eyes when he was promptly told he'd never hear those words again. ] Yeah, yeah. [ His words were murmured, and he quickly quieted down as Sebastian spoke again. He sighed a bit at Sebastian's words, shaking his head a little. ] No one likes feeling like this, Bas. Not unless they're a masochist at least. But you know I'm right. [ He nodded a bit, smiling as Sebastian sat up with a look of determination on his face. He knew that look. He'd do whatever he could to get Kurt back, and - despite the pain he might have felt knowing that Kurt would have been with Sebastian instead of him - he was still happy for the man who had been his best friend since they were children. All Kaiden wanted for Kurt was happiness, and he knew that Sebastian would give him that. Sure, they'd probably fight all the time, and Kurt would probably complain about Sebastian to him a lot - once they started talking again, at least - but he knew that ultimately, Kurt would be with Sebastian as long as the other man would let him be there. Kaiden just hoped Sebastian would take his words to heart and actually contemplate starting to settle down with his life. As Sebastian spoke again a few moments later, Kaiden chuckled softly before shaking his head a bit. ] I won't say a word if you don't. Though, credit for forcing you two dumb asses back together at some point in the future - far or near - might be nice. [ He laughed a bit, doing his best to hide the pain he felt at the idea of Sebastian kissing Kurt, though it showed a bit in his eyes; he knew what Sebastian kissing Kurt to shut him up would lead to. Even though he was there to fix things between Kurt and Sebastian, the pain he felt from his own breakup was still there. Despite that, though, he was determined to be happy for the two men who were easily his best friends. ] Yeah, yeah. Don't remind me. Just...don't be a chickenshit, okay? [ He laughed. ] Actually go through with this. Do whatever you can to get him back. You both deserve to be happy.

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FACE TO FACE || SEBAIDEN

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sebastiansnyc:

What happens if, one day, he can’t look past it anymore? [ Sebastian whispers, looking down at his hands. The laugh that came next though brought the first genuine smile in weeks to Sebastian’s face. He hid it in Kaiden’s neck, reveling in how he threw an arm around Sebastian. All of a sudden they were teenagers again and it felt so good; having someone understand his need for physical intimacy. And his constipation when it came to the emotional stuff. ] Isn’t that the point of a dick? To be a pain in the ass? [ Sebastian questions, wrapping an arm around Kaiden’s back and pinching gently at his side. He sighs when Kaiden forces the conversation back around to Kurt. His heart clenches. ] I don’t know if I can promise I won’t. That’s all I know how to do. Run away. So he’s not wrong to be scared. [ This admission is quiet and Sebastian scoots closer. ] All I have to give right now is a willingness to try. That’s just going to have to be good enough. It should be, right? If he really loves me like you’ve said.

[ Kaiden sighed a bit at Sebastian's question. He could understand Sebastian's hesitancy. ] Then you two can deal with that when it comes down to it, okay? I really don't think it's going to, though. Seriously. [ Holding Sebastian a little closer as he felt the man's arm wrap around his back, jumping a bit when his side was pinched; much like Kurt, his sides were some of the most sensitive parts of him. ] I mean, you're always a pain in the ass, even when you're not being an unbearable dick. [ He laughed a bit, before forcing the conversation back to Kurt. ] I know it's all that you know how to do, but it's time to learn how to stay. It's time to stop being afraid of commitment, Bas. [ His voice was quiet as he spoke. ] I know you're afraid that you won't be happy if you settle down with someone, but you can't tell me that you've been happy without him in your life. [ As Sebastian scoots closer, Kaiden holds him a little tighter, running his hand down the man's back in a comforting manner. ] I mean, I wouldn't say that one has to be mutually exclusive to the other because we both know that the 'if he loves me, he'll accept that I'm going to try' is an excuse to run down the line. [ He paused for a moment. ] That being said, if what he feels for you is as strong as I think it is, trying will be more than enough. Just...like I said. At least /try/ to make him feel like he has nothing to be scared of. He's going to talk over you. Or cut you off. Or ramble on and on about how it wouldn't work. But you and I both know the only way to shut him up once he gets going... [ Despite the fact that he was sitting here, telling Sebastian how to get Kurt back, Kaiden couldn't actually bring himself to tell Sebastian to kiss Kurt to get him to shut up. ]

[sirenhummel-blog]

My father just Rick rolled me via a fashion video, and I must say I’m impressed. He might be a little behind in the times, but it was actually pretty good.

[sirenhummel-blog]

fabrayonthetrax:

They actually did. Well it hovers a little bit, and moves on a combination of compressed air and hopes and dreams…or some other science-y stuff but I don’t think we’ll be getting a Back to the Future kind of board without discovering some type of Infinity Stone first.

But see, that would be interesting! I want a Back to the Future level kind of hoverboard. Especially if it's powered by an Infinity Stone.

[sirenhummel-blog]

FACE TO FACE || SEBAIDEN

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sebastiansnyc:

But that’s just it though, isn’t it? We fought all the time. I don’t know what it is about me that makes him love me so much. [ Sebastian ran a hand across the back of his neck. ] I’m not willingly giving him up, Kaiden. He doesn’t want to be with me and I don’t know what you want me to do to fix that. Show up at his place and beg for him again? Because that’s what I did in the park. I begged. Pretty much on my hands and knees. But I’ll think about it… And just because you don’t admit something doesn’t mean it isn’t true. I’ll always be better than you. [ Sebastian gives Kaiden a wink and a tired smile, scooting his chair closer to rest his head on Kaiden’s shoulder. Closing his eyes, Sebastian speaks before Kaiden has the chance to shrug him off. ] I know you’re mad at me, and I deserve it, but thanks for coming over.  [ Sebastian swallows hard around the sudden lump in his throat and keeps himself from pulling the two of them closer together. ] And– if I were upset, hypothetically, I’d be upset I wrecked us too you know. Even if you’re really annoying most of the time and show up unannounced whenever you please. You still do this kind of shit. Like, I can’t think of anyone else who’d go out of their way to hook up their ex best friend and their ex boyfriend just weeks after splitting up due to said ex best friend being a total bag of dicks. So.. I guess I want to say sorry, or something.

[ Kaiden looked over at Sebastian, shaking his head a bit in response to the other's comments about Kurt loving him despite their constant bickering. ] I honestly don't know, but he does. Somehow, he looks past the fighting and the /asshole/ that you can be sometimes, and he still sees something in you. He still loves you. Believe me, I wish he saw me like that, but he doesn't. He loves me in his own way, but it's not the way he loves you. It's not the intensity that he feels for you. I-It...It consumes him. [ He paused a moment, looking over at Sebastian once more. ] I've never seen him love someone the way he loves you; not even me. [ He stayed quiet as Sebastian talked about how he'd begged Kurt to pick him, before making some kind of wise crack about how Sebastian would always be better for him - a remark that actually made him laugh. ] Right. You keep thinking that. [ He nodded a bit as Sebastian thanked him for coming over, wrapping an arm around Sebastian's shoulder in a comforting manner; it was something they hadn't done for years, but he figured now was as good a time as any to comfort him. He listened quietly as Sebastian apologized, in his own way, for being a complete asshole, nodding a bit as the speech finally finished. ] Look, you might be a complete dick and a pain in my ass ninety percent of the time, but... [ He paused a moment, shaking his head a bit. ] but you're still one of my best friends. The one guy, aside from Kurt, who knows everything about me, and who's been there whenever I need something; even if you do bitch about it half the time. [ He laughed, sitting in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. Though, he finally spoke after a little while. ] Look, I know you laid it all out there for Kurt. I know you begged him to pick you, but...like I said. He was scared, Sebastian. Just...fight for him. Yes. Show up at his door. Beg for him again. Beg for him to give you a second chance. He's probably still scared; that's the only reason he hasn't come over here. Just...keep letting him know that he has nothing to be scared about. That you're not going to just run away.

[sirenhummel-blog]

fabrayonthetrax:

Right? Though I was expecting more ‘hover’ in the hoverboard of it all and not a glorified electric skateboard. Just wait until the flying cars roll around and people have to contend with actual accidents happening in the air.

Oh yes. I’m just waiting with baited breath for actual car accidents in the sky. This should be interesting. When they really invent a hoverboard that hovers off the ground, then I’ll be impressed.

[sirenhummel-blog]

FACE TO FACE || SEBAIDEN

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sebastiansnyc:

[ Sebastian wanted to scream with frustration. Of course Kaiden knew him too well to give up that easily. Sebastian knew the words that would get him to leave, they were on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t say them. Not only because it would most likely be the biggest lie Sebastian ever told but also because Kaiden was sitting here, in his kitchen, and he’d missed him. Even when he was being shouted at. Which, really, said a lot. So instead of arguing back, Sebastian actually listened, his body sagging a little with every word until he somehow found himself in the chair next to him. He was quiet for a minute, after Kaiden was finished speaking, and his voice sounded almost mouse-like quiet after Kaiden’s outburst. ] Despite what everyone thinks of me, I’m not entirely selfish you know. I don’t… I just… [ Sebastian bit his lip, trying to find the words. ] After some reflection I’ve come to realize that maybe, just maybe, I want him to be happy more than I want him to be with me. [ Sebastian avoids looking at Kaiden by drawing circles into the counter with his finger. His revelation wasn’t a big one. Sebastian was sure Kaiden already knew. But it wasn’t every day that Sebastian admitted to valuing someone else’s happiness over his own. ] And don’t say I’d make him happy because we both know that would be a lie. I’m the worst sort of person for him to love.. I could never give him what he wants. Being in a relationship would only serve to make one of us miserable and everyone on the face of the planet would be able to guess which one of us it would be. Kurt doesn’t deserve that. So maybe it’s for the best. He’ll come back to you or find someone else and I’ll stay out of it this time. I swear.

[ Kaiden shook his head a bit as he listened to Sebastian talk. ] Look, it's great that you want him to be happy, but despite what you might think - you make him happy. Being with you makes him happy. You guys might fight all the fucking time, like...an irregular amount of time, but at the end of the day? The feelings were there. You guys  always made up. I'll never admit this out loud again, but I was jealous. I wanted something like that, preferably with him. Then when we were together...I mean, it was alright. He was happy, but I think deep down I could see he wasn't the same kind of happy he'd been that he was when he was with you. [ He took a deep breath before shrugging a little. ] If you're willing to let him go like that, there's nothing I can do to force you over there. But let me just say this. If he hasn't moved on from you in nearly three years, especially when you haven't been here to tempt him until rather recently, what makes you think it's going to suddenly happen? [ He paused for a moment, letting out a shaky sigh. ] As much as it hurts me to say this, I'm not going to go back to him. I genuinely don't think he's ever going to get over you, and I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling like I'm making him settle for second best. And yes. Just this once, I call myself second best when it comes to you because you're what he really wants. He's just too scared to admit it. And so are you. You might not want what he wants from the future, but you guys can figure it out along the way. You're purposefully keeping yourself from each other, thinking it will make life easier, and it's just making it worse.