Cala

This is an in-character blog for roleplay.

[sirenofspirits]

Kuthona 6th

Oh. Gosh. I learned some interesting things about Remus today. Not the least is that he finds me attractive! And intelligent! (Is it terrible of me to put that first? Perhaps. It's my journal though. Mleh!)

I wish I could have known who he was before, but I'm not certain he's that different from who he is now. It seems he isn't sure either, which tugs on my heartstrings in a most familiar way. I have such soft sympathy for those who have lost something to death. (And I do, personally, consider his transformation into an elan a death, even if I don't know how it was achieved.)

But the person I know today is a fine man, and I'm pleased and proud to count him as a friend.

[sirenofspirits]

Kuthona 5th

It has been a day and it is not even over. Writing this entry may be somewhat premature, but I must get my thoughts down.

I have acquired a new spirit named Vaelith, a half-elf drow from Numeria. My protective instincts are at full throttle and so I am treating him gently and kindly and with patience. It'll be interesting to see what kind of person he is as time goes on. I think I've already seen glimpses of his personality simply in our introductions, and I think he will fit in well with the group, if he can embrace their antics.

It is the day after the ball; which had been a wonderful event, beyond expectations. I had expected to be ostracized and shunned or gossiped about openly after my... departure... from the previous event. But nobody said anything. I wouldn't expect that kind of graciousness from an event involving the peers of my father's court, so it was a surprise. A pleasant one. And spending an evening not worrying about the fragile state of affairs between myself and my loves was also a welcome reprieve. I had fun with them. I think they had fun with me. (I certainly hope Maeca had fun with the evening, considering how it ended. But even in a journal I will not talk of such affairs. I am a lady!)

I will speak to them soon and tender a resignation on attempting to make things work for an open relationship. It feels like defeat. It feels like failure. It's also a relief. These feelings are hard to reconcile. I need to sit with them a while, I think. I need to try not to let them swallow me whole. No easy task. Nothing is ever easy, really.

I still feel the trembling whisper of fear in my heart that I will lose all that makes me happy. I still have a lot of things that I am struggling with. They lurk, waiting for the warm afterglow of a pleasant evening to fade. Monsters of the sea, under the waves, circling. I can see them there.

Thinking of this is tiring. I just want to cling to my happiness for a while longer.

Cypress provided a nice distraction, both in pleasant conversation and pleasant company. And, with much glee, the pitch of a beach themed room. Even thinking about it puts a spring back in my step. I can't wait to gaze over the ocean once more!