Sir Knight Rangrr

Chronic sillyposter 2004 The Batman 🔛 🔝‼️ I edit things a lot because I can’t stop adding moreee

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Kids like Batman??

The JL still don’t believe that a majority of children gravitate towards Batman. Like sure there’s also Superman, the embodiment of sunshine, but why Batman of all people?

They learn through a series of city clean ups that most of the kids kind of avoid anyone outwardly showing powers and go to the guys with the big cape that kind of reminds them of their favorite warm blanket they steal from their parents when they’re feeling sacred. Then when it just comes to city events(e.g. parades) Batman usually ends up with a few toddlers crowding around him.

The JL most likely try to steer the kids away because they perceive Batman the way he wants to be outwardly seen when it comes to being a threat if needed. So they forget that because of that kids who have had the misfortune of being caught in a cross fire often end up holding onto the guy who just knocked out a bad guy and pinkie promised to help them find their family.

Batman, at a city parade being not only a guest but a body guard.

Random kids genuinely playing with his cape and climbing him. The parents are apologizing but Batman just kind of nods in a way only a fellow parent who really doesn’t care could.

This is stupid but this is also partly reason Batman most likely had top spot on “hottest JL member” on their yearly fan social polls. Polls usually ends up being:

Batman

Superman

Wonderwoman

Lantern/Flash

Hawgirl

etc etc etc

Martian Manhunter always ends up in the middle of the poll because he has a very loyal fan base of weirdos(lovingly).

Other than that it’s like the Twix rabbit where kids like Batman cus he’s cool and parents love Batman because “my god that scary man can dick my ass down anytime he wants”.

Edit: Theirs is a 1 in 3 chance that a parent flirts with Batman. Outwardly. No shame.

Batman: Take good care of your parent.

Random kid: I will :D

Kids parent: You could also come and take care of me 😛

Batman kind of just stands there before chuckling and walking off(this parent just creamed themselves cus of that).

Green Lantern has this look of confusion shocks and disgust like he just pictured it in his head.

Superman looks a little flustered but shocked.

Wonder Woman can't help but laugh a bit as she reconvenes with the others even though patting Batman on the back.(she doesn’t care but it’s very fun to pretend like she does)

Flash looks shocked but he also isn't really surprised and it takes awhile but he's laughing about it while shaking Lantern.

Bonus points if this ends up on the internet where parents are highkey swooning 😭

edit2: bonus bonus points if the internet very frequently thirst over Batman to the point it does make it hard to do hero-ing. Because you’re green lantern giving out a quick autograph and suddenly all you hear is “move bitch” before you can sign because they saw Batman and wanted to go up and take a change with the really hot really scary man instead

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Silly idea

Funny idea, the whole Batman and Superman get replaced by their universal counterpart but it’s just their Lego versions. Like genuinely it’s just their Lego versions with The little Lego Superman holding little Lego Batman by his cape and they’re all just being so silly.

Edit: tl;dr: justice league watches they’re teammates get replaced by two homosexual legos.

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We HATE the Batman

The Riddler monologuing to the Justice League: So, will the Bat finally get his wings clipped?

Batman watches Riddlers face as he once again EASILY solves this one last Riddle. Then also promptly give Riddler a swift punch to keep him from running.

Batman is listening to him talk on and on and League can only watch as Batman kind of just hums before putting him in cuffs.

Riddler: C’mon Batman, you know I wouldn’t even try and leave.

Batman: Hmn.

Riddler, highkey foaming at the mouth blushing: Can I at least get a few words from the man himself?

Batman only gives him a side eye before leading him along. A couple of pictures fell out of his suit pocket and literally it’s all just smutty pictures of Batman that he’s pleading to pick up but in his head. J’onn can hear it and literally can’t do anything other than stand there.

Smutty Batman pictures excuse though

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Watchtower Duty

Bruce likes to sneak his kids into the watch tower when he’s the only one on monitor duty. They’re all tucked in his cape shushing each other while he walks by the last person on shift(usual Hal). This is on purpose.

Bruce, walks by giving Hal the usual acknowledging nod and grunt.

Hal also nods.

Dick, under the cape: shut up he’ll hear us—

Jason: It’s not my fault you’re to huge to even fit under here anymore—

Tim and Cas are giggling at this trying so hard not to be loud.

Steph is also giggling but she ends up purposefully getting left behind causing Bruce to stop.

Hal is staring now because he genuinely didn’t expect that: Hey uh…spooky I think you dropped something.

Bruce back tracks and opens his cape now revealing like too many people as Steph is actually laughing her ass off as she joins them back under the cape.

Hal is actually shocked but Bruce just smirks and lets his kids do the whole “they’ll never believe you!!” Thing.

OOC? Maybe but it’s a fun little fic prompt idea loll

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Sneaking angst like trying to give dogs their meds

Bruce is the way he is because of Alfred.

Hear me out for a minute, Bruce ended up kind of strung to tight because of Alfred after his parents died. Alfred was genuinely trying yes, BUT he was also an ex-military man thrusted into parenthood without warning this time. He’s trusted to take care of a deeply disturbed child and doesn’t know how to.

So Alfred has mistakenly done things that screwed Bruce up despite how much he cared. Instead of praise he told Bruce how he could improve further. Because I cant think of more rn I’d like to time skip to current day Bruce.

Alfred talks to him about how the way he tried to parent him wasn’t right. Dick helps him also realize this along side his colony/flock(lol) of children who do help him get a bit better. Something as simple as praising and then asking someone if they want advice was a pretty big step. So, now he’s a much better father than Alfred could be while Alfred tries to be a better grandfather figure to everyone else while also trying to still be a better father figure that Bruce can come to for more things :))

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Batman still bakes

I like to imagine that Batman stress bakes and cook. Mostly bake. He stress baked when he started being Batman, he stressed baked during the Batman business and continues to stress bake when Dick comes into his life.

He asks Dick some of his favorite desserts or he over hear it’s from when he decided to rant or while he’s talking about his parents(Bruce encourages him to talk about them no matter how sad he feels as it helps). So he bakes up whatever little treat he talks about and even asks Alfred to help since he knows the man is trying to do better than he was able to with Bruce. After awhile, just like with Alfred and Bruce, baking slowly turns into a shared happy memory.

Dick gets to bake with his second dad who likes to help him be able to talk happily about his first dad. He gets to have happy memories of both fathers :)

(During the stressed out baking periods thought the JL fridge, pantry and cabinets see and increase in sweet treats hehe)

Edit, this was originally gonna be put on the Batman the baker first post but too lazy so here:

Because he doesn't know how to express himself and seeing Alfred cook and bake made him want to cook and bake

And despite the fact Alfred wasn't always a good person and Bruce having his rebellious but always well meaning phases the one thing they have together is baking/cooking

Parents died so Alfred tried to at least make him food and baked goods meant to help him feel a bit better while processing grief

Having that rebellious teen streak? They bake together. Alfred starts up first and Bruce follows along and vice versa

Bruce starts baking alone, Alfred joins in and body language mostly does the talking Going from tense precession, to relaxed waiting period and apologetic sharing of the treats between each other

No talking just baking and actions

Maybe a few words but mostly exchanging what ingredient is needed but even then just telling each other what's going on shows how they are feeling

Bruce trying to be quick and short turning into actually detailing what they need to do and even then saying how bad or good things came out in the end

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Batman is just the Ultimate vauge poster.

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Batman the baker lol

I love the thing where Batman is a horrible cook because Alfred does it all. But what if it was the compete opposite?

Like after the incident Alfred didn’t know any other way to ensure that Bruce would have a healthy coping mechanism. So he just tended to bring him into the kitchen with him when he cooked for baked. After a while he’d ease Bruce into getting him to help and then— supervised solo cooking/baking.

Bruce soon came to love it even if he didn’t express it out loud it showed through his actions of joining Alfred with either watching or doing it on his own when he wants to show Alfred he cares(or that he’s still rather thankful all these years later). It’s a beautiful thing they have bond wise and it’ll stay that way even during his vigilante-ing. Hard night? Alfred does the baking/cooking and bring sit to him in the cave where he might “absent” minded-ly talk about the recipe or the process of what he did to make anything and Bruce makes it later(think of it as bonding). Slow night? Bruce watches Alfred or he makes something himself(most likely for Alfred) and takes the rest I’d the time check up on other things in the cave. The usual chaos? It’s a mix of sometimes Alfred does something and sometimes Bruce does something.

It’s all (unintentionally) one of the things kind of solidifies their father-son like bond. Sure Bruce won’t ever consider himself to be as great of a cook or baker as Alfred but he’s still rather thankful that there are positive memory’s that came after the incident.

Edit: Kind of Angst but it’s mostly fluff. Alfred wasn’t always a good person so being able to have this small time with Bruce where the memories stem from a good place despite the horrible situation does make him feel genuine happiness.

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(Fake) Cryptid Batman re-write

I thought the other one sucked so I deleted it. Warning I write this shit because “this would be really fucking fun” and every time I do write about Batman it is almost always just me thinking about 2004 The Batman mixed with JL and JL:Unlimited with slighttttt comic influence because I those were my first 3 ever influences to DC and it’s stuck with me. Anyways writing starts after this.

———

Batman is a Gotham urban legend and honestly also one of Jerseys big cryptids. The only thing is he really liked being seen as something that people tend to have a lot of faith and trust in despite how scary they often are. It’s what he was going for, scaring to bad and comforting those who need it. It’s a nice feeling for him for sure but he does question it up until Robin(Dick Grayson) joins the fold.

The Cryptid/Urban Legend thing now also feels like a layer of privacy protection. Because now it’s like “thank god they believe in not fucking real because my kid is safe even when he is out and about with me.” and it works! Forums have more of a “Local Cryptid has a little bat :3” instead of “BATMAN AND BRUCE HAVE A KID THEYRE THE SAME” which is the biggest relief ever.

But then the Justice League(Superman, Wonder Woman and Flash) come to Gotham he has to take the initiative to have them leave. Dick is of course tucked in at home during this and unaware that his father is currently staring down at three super powered individuals from the vantage point that is a scary as hell looking gargoyle.

Superman is the only one talking. Something along the lines of “W-we really admire your efforts and..and would really appreciate if you joined our team..??”

Batman is still staring down white beady eyes only making it worse before he shifted and all of sudden he’s gone in the dark. Dear god he did not want to deal with this and all he did was just close his eyes and step into the dark, it freaked them out enough for them to leave him alone but of course it’s like he already knows when and where they meet(god they suck at privacy protection). So he’s already gonna be there somewhere listening in and getting made fun of by his son that he should just socialize instead of lurk.

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“How are you so buff?”

Clark’s co-worker often notice that he is not only really tall but really bulky/has a mind boggling amount of muscle on him so when anyone asks him he just goes “I grew up on a farm helping my pa :))” and every just goes “ohhh that makes so much sense actually”

Because it actually does, he doesn’t even need to specify on the adopted part it’s just the being on a farm is really hard work and tiring so after awhile you are bound to have some sort of muscle in you. He happened to just get lucky doing most the farm just to discover he had really good genes(is an alien) that looks great with muscle and happened to be one of those guys that hit puberty and just looked absolutely great.

It’s just really fun to think about all he needs to say is “I grew up on a farm!” For people to back off because they think it makes a whole lot of sense as they are thinking of a generalized idea of a farm(where they might do a bit of everything). Not like they’ll ever know the muscle is all-naturalllllllllllll because of some freaky alien genes that was honestly really lucky because he most likely only gives slight uncanny valley until you talk to him and then it’s just “oh he’s just one of those himbo-hunk types lol nvm it’s not that serious.”

Edit: He probably even adds the pa part too like “I helped my Pa a lot on the farm growing up” all shy like

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For the bit

Kid spots Batman lurking in a roof and immediately goes over to open their window with their little plushie or action figure or whatever.

Batman is just taking a moment to listen in on police scanners before he decides to pass his patrol onto the next person up and spots the kid.

Said kid(no fear btw) points at him and then uses said plushie/ action figure to do like a little back flip. Kid wants their one and only favorite to do one of his cool flips.

Batman doesn’t even think about it for a minute before he decides he’s dramatic and walks off a bit.

Kid is sad until they spot Batman do a flip onto their fire escape and starts clapping. Batman is smirking a little and gives them a little bow y’know he’s gotta make the kids night and then he’s shooing them off telling them to sleep. kid of course listen their favorite where just told them to go to bed after he did a little trick of them.

Later Alfred does infact see the footage because he’s probably nosey and likes to check on his son to make sure he isn’t just hiding injuries from him so when he sees a sweet moment and only hidden bruises he just leaves it alone

Probably out of character but Batman did change his suit to make sure he scared the bad people and made the children feels safe so I personally don’t think it wouldn’t be far off for him to do something a little silly if a kid asked or motioned him to.

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Promo

Do you think the Justice League have shirtless/sexy fireman calendar like promo to fund the League. They don’t need to but like…do they???

And do they have separate calendar's for each other. Like they have the Batman specific calendar and then Superman etc etc

Edit: Lesbians and Bisexuals are the main audience for Wonder Woman

Gay men for Superman, Batman and Maybe Green Lantern

Flash is a generous mix

Martian Manhunter has a decent mix of fans but it’s like 10 guys ordering 20 different calendars for the future but they’re all hung up at the same time.

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Bat-Dad :D

Batman laughs at dad jokes and occasionally cracks one. It’s just ten times funnier in my head to imagine him hearing a dad joke and letting out that obvious sigh that’s just screams “I’m trying so fuckin hard not to laugh rn pls stop”. So I imagine Nightwing after officially joining the Justice League makes them all the time around him and the JL so they have this loud guy leaning onto the Bat staring at him as he does the usual “What’s got you all STARRY EYED, B? *motions to the fact they are in space and in view of the stars.*” no one’s really paying attention except for maybe flash who chuckles at it.

They only really pay attention after Batman lets out an obvious chuckled that’s kinda muffled by the fact he dipped his head into his cape a bit. “The fact it’s so space-cious here. *glances outside the literally windows.* makes it hard to not be on guard.” it’s shocking cause ain’t no fucking way Batman did that

Edit: this was from the drafts guys sorry for the bad format

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”I hate Batman”

Two-Face: I hate Batman

Batmans entire rouge gallery: Nodding and murmuring in agreement.

The Riddler: Next slide.

Insert literal just another picture of Batman slutted out

Edit: Bonus points if the League some how finds out and just realize that half of Batman’s rouge gallery is definitely just full of people who don’t know why they want Batman and just think it’s a desire to beat him.(When they could be like beating him off but they’re idiots.)

Also Dickwing was the first to point it out and then every kid after him kept pointing it out and making a joke about it.

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Uh

There’s at least one or two male strippers that get a call from one of the villains because “I need you to pretend to be Batman again while you’re gagged and chained to a pole so I can rant again.”

Also the top 10 reason why no one would be surprised/why everyone thinks Batman is most likely just a male stripper and who keeps getting paid because his entire rouge gallery is full of fucking idiots who want to pound him in more ways than one.

It’s good money too. High risk because they might genuinely just get you severely hurt(why would they want to kill their only Batman outlet without actually getting beat) but also getting around half a million to just shut the fuck up, put on the gag, get in the chains and hang out on a pole while the monologue is a pretty high reward.

Edit: Stripper on Speed Dial.

Edit 2: This was because of some Two-Face art I saw on Twitter and it made me genuinely think about this. Harvey Dent wants that ass and Two-Face wants that ass and both of them involve tying him up and pounding him. But pounding in either context is genuinely a different fucking thing.

Edit 3: Pretend like the world lore is developed enough for you to go “it makes sense there so many look a-likes for the the Justice League body wise in the sex work scene because there’s going to be a rich guy/gal/pal with a few fantasy’s …”

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The JL is still stupid

I 100% believe that Gotham at some point believed Batman was a male stripper when it came to his secret identity.

Then because the Justice League believe everything they were also 100% sure he was a male stripper and concluded that was exactly why he wouldn’t reveal his secret identity.

Edit: I genuinely believe that convo’s go like this

Superman: It’s best we don’t ask about his identity if it could put him in danger with the clientele :(

Green lantern : Why don’t we just…help him??

Wonder Woman: Because he keeps refusing us.

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But wait

and if I said Brainiac could get it I’D be crazy. I love that guy he’s one of my favorite DC villains because I really like anything that has a really smart character doing immoral things for the sake of learning. Also love that he’s hard to get rid of even when you’ve technically “won”.

All I’m saying is that I would if I could and even if I couldn’t I’d try despite most likely having to die afterwards 🙂‍↕️