“Hey there, little one! Patrick, that’s your name, right? Aww, you’re such a sweetie, aren’t you? Your Mom was absolutely right - you’re a darling young man! Oh, of course, I’m Lizzie; I’m going to be your new land lady while you’re here in college, sweetie! Yep! You’ll be staying in the room I got ready just for you upstairs - oh, I’m sure you’re going to absolutely love it… Doesn’t that sound great?”
No, it decidedly did not. Sure, I’d always known that Mom was a bit - okay, okay, a LOT - overprotective when it came to me, her youngest son. I knew she was going to have a hard time letting go. But I’d never guessed that she’d go to the extent of setting me up in an apartment like this - with a land lady who was just as protective and oppressively maternal as she was… But wait. What was she getting out of the drawer…?
“Here we are, sweetie!” she bubbled, her hands still held suspiciously behind her back. “Now, before we go any further, I want you to sit yourself down on the floor here, okay? Your Mommy asked me to take care of you like you’re my own son, and I’ve promised to do just that…” I reluctantly let her push me onto the floor and opened my mouth to ask what she had in mind. But then… out came her hands from behind her back.
“Yep, just the thing for a sweet little man who just can’t seem to keep his bed dry!” she smiled, merrily waving what could only be an adult-sized disposable diaper and a bottle of baby powder before my face. “Your Mommy told me you have trouble sometimes staying dry in the middle of lots of change and stress, so we’re just going to keep you all snug and dry and safe in this, okay?”
My face must have been the very definition of shock. Oh, fuck. Really, Mom? Really?! It had literally been eight years since I’d wet the bed that one time during a sleepover in middle school. I was an adult now, a driver and a college student and everything. For Christ’s sake, I wasn’t even a virgin anymore (though of course Mom might not have known that particular fact). Speaking of which…
“Oh, don’t look so embarrassed, sweetie - I’m sure you’ll get used to it in a day or two! Don’t worry; I’m going to take such good care of you, it’ll be just like having your Mommy right here… And besides, even if you don’t always need your diapers every night, honey, your Mommy and I agreed that we’re going to make sure you come back here and wear them just in case. A young man like you should have safeguards in place - just to make sure you don’t get that naughty little pee-pee of yours into trouble with the girls, you know! And what better way than to keep him all tucked away in a nice soft diaper?”
Well, that settled it. My college year was officially over. No one-night stands, no nights out with the guys, no frat parties or anything remotely fun. Sure, I could try to find another place to live, but Mom would know - and if she knew, there’d be absolute hell to pay. Nope. I had my bed already made for me - and all I could do, quite literally, was lie on it - all padded up like the baby Mom still apparently wished I was…
Image Credit: @babylizzyjames (Thanks for the permission!) 😊
Please keep my caption intact if reblogging; as long as you do, may you never again be forced to take sides in the annual pumpkin spice debates.
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