Sissy Theory: The “Male Gaze”
I’m about to lay some heavy shit on you bitches. Call it “sissy theory.” So hold onto your panties, ’cause this is going deep. Are you ready?
It seems like every so often I get a question like this:
Dear MoS,
I’m turned on by sissy porn, but I’m still attracted to girls and I think guys are gross. Is being sissy just a phase?
Sincerely,
Confused Sissy Girl
My first response is always, “You think guys are gross, but do you love cock?” The answer is invariably “yes.” Because who doesn’t, right?
But here’s the thing. There are two basic types of desire: masculine and feminine. Masculine desire is active; feminine is passive. One isn’t better than the other, and everybody—everybody—experiences both types of desire at some point in their lives. Also, “masculine” and “feminine” are not essentialist categories. They do not “point to” any kind of underlying reality or truth (like chromosomes or genitalia). They are not, strictly speaking, the same as gender or sexual orientation. They simply describe two varieties of experience.
Masculine desire is active and outward. It wants to release itself inside of something else. So, if you are a heterosexual man, you tend to view women as bodies-to-be-penetrated. You are attracted to the whole body, particularly the curvy parts, as something squishy and sensuous to be opened-up and entered-into. (You can see how masculine desire in this sense can be predatory, which I am not advocating. Guys—just because your cock wants to enter a girl, it doesn’t mean you’re entitled to enter her.)
Conversely, feminine desire is passive and inward. It wants to bring something outside, inside. So, if you are a heterosexual woman, you tend to view men as bodies-who-penetrate. You can be attracted to the whole body, but if so you’re attracted to it as a big, solid piece of flesh. Oh, and the cock. Did I mention the cock? The cock is the most important part because it’s the part that actually does the penetrating. Now, I’m not saying that women only care about a man’s penis and nothing else, because obviously that’s an oversimplification. A man’s hands, face, shoulders, chest, arms, abs, butt, etc. are also sexy. However, if a guy has a spectacular penis, it’s probably okay if he’s a little lacking in the Looks Department. You know what I mean, girls ;-)
The point is, if you’re a sissy who loves cock, your experience of desire is predominantly feminine. So, if you’re ever out on the street and you think, “I’m still attracted to girls and I think guys are gross,” the problem is you’re still thinking like a man. You’re seeing women as sensuous bodies-to-be-penetrated, and you’re trying to apply that paradigm to the way you think men are supposed to be, which doesn’t work. If it did work, you’d be gay. You’d be a man who wants to fuck other men, which you’re not. Well, you want to fuck other men—you’ve made that pretty obvious. You just don’t want to penetrate other men. You’re a sissy bitch: you want other men (to want) to penetrate you.
Seeing women as sensuous bodies-to-be-penetrated is akin to what film theorist Laura Mulvey calls the “male gaze.” As a feminist critic, she finds the way this gaze is constructed in mainstream cinema to be misogynistic because it objectifies women’s bodies and positions a heterosexual male as the de facto viewer. As a sissy, you’re a victim of the male gaze as well, since there’s a mismatch between the heterosexual male you’re told to be and the feminine desire you actually experience. My advice? Flip the gaze around. You want to become the sensuous body-to-be-penetrated from his (the male’s/the Other’s) point of view.
Just because you aren’t attracted to men in the same way you’re attracted to women doesn’t mean you’re not attracted to men. Do you think straight, cis guys spend a lot of time cruising sissy blogs? You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t conflicted on some level. If you ever look at a guy and think, “Ew, I’m not into that,” stop, wait a second, and say to yourself, “Okay, but I wonder what his penis looks like. Would I like to touch it? Suck it? Let him fuck me with it?”
If the answer is yes, then you like men. Go out there, doll yourself up, and become the object of their desire!
blakekathryn
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