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@sitbackandlistentojazz
ΰΉWelcome
π§πΎπ· hi, I'm Zyia.
17(18 on Aug 1st), mixed(black and white), freshman in college starting in August, lesbian, jazz enthusiast, kinda quiet, I love my cats!!
On here I'll basically post whatever I want so yeah. :)
Watching Lars and the real girl⦠for the first time ⦠wish me luck
I got excited for my 18TH birthday this Saturdayβ¦ I never fucking learn. So now Iβm really upset. My birthday is August 1stβ¦ which means itβs in this weird spot where school is starting in two weeks and we need school stuffβ¦ but thereβs bills to be paid tooβ¦ and Iβm also starting college so I need dorm stuffβ¦ but basically I never get to do anything. Like ever. Maybe when I was little but I clearly donβt fucking remember thatβ¦ but I thought since itβs going to be my 18TH birthday, maybe it would be different because itβs an important birthday. Iβm finally an adult. My sisterβs birthday was the 19th, and she got to go to Walmart, five below, and Ollieβsβ¦ they spend $110.80. All on her and some extra stuff. All Iβm getting this year is cake, ice cream, and my phone bill is being paid. THATS THE SAME AS FUCKING LAST YEAR. I donβt want that again, I want to get stuff that I want. My mom is at least trying to get my hair dyed but thatβs going to take forever since she wants my cousin who is a hair dresser to do it the expensive dumb ass professional wayβ¦ and I donβt get to do what I want. Because it would be βoverwhelmingβ to get my whole head dyedβ¦ and too much as if I didnβt plan on using box dye. I had a list of 4 things that I wanted, just four, but no. It would be so tragic and hilarious if I killed myself on my 18TH birthday, but thatβs lame so now Iβm just going to be really upset. And itβs always MY birthday that is just pathetic. Everyone else gets to go out and buy stuff, but not me.
Im not excited about college anymore.
Just found out that technically from my father im only going to be getting... 39 DOLLARS a month... as a college student π and that's not because of some social security thing, it's coming from my two sister's checks. Like 39 fucking dollars? I've got pell grants and loans, duh, but those won't cover the fact that I'm going to be a freshman in college who has literally NEVER been able to explore who I am due to being poor and will now have a chance to. I expected like... maybe $100... but 39? I haven't been able to get a job all summer and I can't now. I'll only be here for 1 more month basically and I don't have transportation back and forth... no one is going to fucking hire me. Like actually at this point I feel like i was set up for fucking failure. This isn't fair. I don't care that life "isn't fair", but there's no fucking way I was just handed all this bad luck and told "Yup, you'll do fine". Everyone around me is so lucky im scared of the actually dying part because if i wasn't i would genuinely end it all.
I genuinely cannot wait till college... like oh man. Im not kidding. Im gonna fake it till I make it. I can't stay a bum and only be friends with the friends I graduated with just because I've got a resting bitch face.... I've got to lock in and be nice.... otherwise I'll just have my own friends and no girlfriend.
Wisdom teeth removal. Gonna watch Star wars and hope it feels like a fever dream the next few hours.
look at my shayla... I'll love you forever Luke Skywalker(he's a butch in my head). Wonder man. Also cried because today is Princess Diana's birthday but then I remembered she was dead so I sobbed harder
I feel so bad for being jealous of my best friend. For a little background, our families are different money wise. Her family is NOT rich but they for sure have way more money than anyone in my family does. It's summer break and most seniors are doing their senior trips since we graduated and I'm not. Im doing the same thing I've done every single summer, stay at home. My wonderfully lucky best friend is going to Canada, New York(somewhere there but not the city), and Pittsburgh(which is literally my dream city. I want to live there after college so bad... like I've spoken about it so many times)... and like im happy she gets to travel, I've known this trip has been happening since like January... but I can't help but feel so envious. They always go somewhere for the summer and im ALWAYS stuck at home. I can't do anything. I can't go anywhere... and all I have to do is see her post all those dumb ass photos of her in places I wish I could go to. I even asked my mom if maybe we could go to Memphis, TN for like a small senior trip(which isn't far from where I live in Arkansas and also isn't that expensive)... and she just said no and told me to ask my friend... the one who gets to do all the stuff. It's so annoying seeing her post stuff from her travels or have her send me stuff because it's not fair that she gets to do stuff that I can't and won't be able to do. Like I've practically slept every single day of the summer and I've only left my house to go to an Orientation for college... while she's in Canada right now. Im tired of sleeping all day but what am I supposed to do? Wake up and get on my phone and do it over and over? Yeah that's way better π«©. I was literally not given any chances in life and it's really pissing me off
I hate being a lesbian. It's so fucking dumb... actually get me out of here
i feel so stupid and confused right now.
I've got a crush on someone, and we're friends in person... okay? like i enjoy their presence and everything... it hit me this Thursday(after a month of debating it) that I truly do like them... but like I got their discord and we've been talking on there and it's just... I feel annoying?
They respond really slow and kinds of dry(but im also slow and I can't tell tone over text) so I just feel really annoying texting them because of this. Like UGH. In my last relationship it ended because of just how distant she became and I didn't like being left on delivered for weeks at a time, but my crush and I aren't even dating(and we probably won't) but I already feel like... annoying just texting them. Maybe I'm just being dramatic, but I don't know i just feel stupid and annoying π
when someone's talking to me but then I realize they can wear low-rise jeans and I can't so now they're an opp for life:
Heyyy... uhmm my commissions are open so you should totally order some. I absolutely need the cash π being poor is an actual curse. I unfortunately need to use Cash app for this... but it'll be worth it.
DM me on either here, discord, or insta!!
Discord: @danabromalnotnormalatall
Insta: @zyzy.was_here
Rules:
- no men( I can't draw them sorry :( im working on it though)
- no furries or animals(I cannot draw animals... like at all so therefore I can't draw furries. My bad,sillies.)
-NO NSFW(im a minor)
-otherwise, everything else is perfectly fine π
if you'd prefer my main art style over the cartoony one then clarify that please(last two images are my main styles)
Spoke my truth and now my mom thinks I'm the villain... absolutely a win in my eyes
When she moved on in literally a month(FROM A 3 YEAR RELATIONSHIP) so you genuinely have to wonder if anything mattered
Literally, how the fuck am I supposed to get a job if I have no way to get anywhere? My mom doesn't have a car, my friends can't take me to work, my mom doesn't have anyone else who would be able to take me to work besides one of her friends who is one of her older male friends... which I obviously don't trust. I CAN'T DRIVE AND I CAN'T LEARN TO DRIVE IF MY MOTHER DOESN'T HAVE A CAR AND I CAN'T BUY A CAR IF I DON'T HAVE A JOB!
I'm literally gonna jump off a building, I'm going nowhere in life.
AND THERE'S NO PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION WHERE I LIVE BECAUSE I LIVE IN BUMB FUCK NOWHERE
Literally, how the fuck am I supposed to get a job if I have no way to get anywhere? My mom doesn't have a car, my friends can't take me to work, my mom doesn't have anyone else who would be able to take me to work besides one of her friends who is one of her older male friends... which I obviously don't trust. I CAN'T DRIVE AND I CAN'T LEARN TO DRIVE IF MY MOTHER DOESN'T HAVE A CAR AND I CAN'T BUY A CAR IF I DON'T HAVE A JOB!
I'm literally gonna jump off a building, I'm going nowhere in life.
I'm 17!!
And just like that... I'm single. ππ«