you can do everything right and still feel sad at night

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@sitdowncalmdown
you can do everything right and still feel sad at night
U know how in winter it gets so cold and u think u will never be hot again and in summer it gets so hot u think u will never be cold again I think that is how it is with ur feelings like when u r sad u think u will never be happy and when u r happy u think u will never be sad. But u will be hot again and u will be cold again and u will be sad again but most of all u will be happy again
but im feeling heavy and it’s so hard to brush my hair
wrote this small simple post earlier this year and now I feel very light, I feel fresh, I really like someone, and I brush my hair every day. it gets better
I often think about God as about the sea. Power and calm. Calm of grandeur. Calm of the force of nature. A violent calm.
—Anna Kamienska, from “The Notebook 1965- 1972,” Astonishments: Selected Poems of Anna Kamienska (Paraclete Pr, 2007)
I have so much love and respect for women who are honest about their own loneliness but also find the good in it like when audrey hepburn said “I have to be alone very often. I’d be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That’s how I refuel” and when charlotte bronte said “I care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself” and when jenny slate said “I think I’ve come to terms with the fact that there will always be a ribbon of loneliness running through who I am. But that’s why I want to do comedy, and why I want to connect with people. You can use that ribbon to be a part of a finer tapestry, or you can choke yourself out with it! Your choice!” and when mary oliver said “whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh & exciting - over & over announcing your place in the family of things”
[ID: excerpt from ‘Homosexuality,’ a poem by Frank O’Hara
“It’s a summer day, and I want to be wanted more than anything else in the world.”]
great things never came from comfort zones
what’s ur happiest memory?
there isn’t one memory that sticks out. its more a collection of moments ive felt most present, most like my heart didn’t want to take me anywhere else. like the summer my brother got married and the house was always full no matter what hour it was. the blackout in new york when we all played hide and seek even though we were too old for it. a few weeks ago sitting with my friends and laughing about nothing. i file those feelings away when i need to remember that im not alone in this world. that i was blessed enough to feel completely alive at least for a little. that somewhere in my memory the house i grew up in is still ours. that somewhere im still chasing and being chased by the kids at the masjid. that somewhere its still snowing and im watching tv with my mom late into the night. i have to believe there are more moments like these waiting for me somewhere up ahead. i hope you believe that for yourself, too.
I thought the earth remembered me, she took me back so tenderly.
Keith Haring Journals
[ID: “I think it is very important to be in love with life. I have met people who are in their 70s and 80s who love life so much that, behind their aged bodies, the numbers disappear. Life is very fragile and always elusive. As soon as we think we “understand,” there is another mystery. I don’t understand anything. That is, I think, the key to understand everything.” end ID]
I wanna live in a little quaint cottage that backs up to a big old forest full of birds and deer and mystery and i want to dry my laundry outside when its sunny and tend to my garden when its foggy and sit inside by the fire and write when its rainy
i’ve been doing my homework on how to break into a writing career and honestly. there’s a Lot that i didn’t know about thats critical to a writing career in this day and age, and on the one hand, its understandable because we’re experiencing a massive cultural shift, but on the other hand, writers who do not have formal training in school or don’t have the connections to learn more via social osmosis end up extremely out of loop and working at a disadvantage.
like, i didnt know about twitter pitch parties!! i didnt know about literary agents and publishers tweeting their manuscript wishlist, in hopes that some poor soul out there has written the book they really want to read and publish!! this isnt some shit you learn about in school! you really need to know the ins and outs of the writing community to be successful!
for anyone interested, here’s what i’ve learned so far in my quest for more writing knowledge:
1. Writer’s Market 2019 is a great place to start– it gives you a list of magazines and journals that you can send your work to depending on the genre as well as lists a shit ton of literary agents that specify what genres they represent, how you can get in contact with them and how they accept query letters. this is a book that updates every year and tbh i only bought it this year so i dont know how critical it is to have an updated version
2. do your research. mostly on literary agents because if you listed on your site that you like to represent fluffy YA novels and some asshole sends you a 80k manuscript about like…gritty viking culture, you will be severely pissed off. always go in finding someone who you know will actually like your work because they’re the ones who will try to advocate for you in getting published.
3. learn how to write a query letter. there are slightly varying formulas to how you can write an effective query letter. you’re also going to want to get feedback on your query letter because its the first thing the literary agent will read and based on how well you do it, it could be the difference between them rejecting you outright and giving your manuscript a quick read
4. unfortunately, you’re gonna want to get a twitter. Twitter is where a lot of literary agents are nowadays, and they host things like twitter pitch parties, where you pitch your manuscript in a few sentences and hashtag it with #Pitmad #Pitdark, some version of pit. a lot of literary agents and publishers will ALSO post their manuscript wishlists, which is just the kind of books they’d like to represent/publish, and they hashtag this with #MSWL (it is NOT for writers to use, only for agents/publishers)
5. connect with other writers, literary agents, publishers at book events. you will absolutely need the connections if you want to get ahead as a writer. thats just kind of the state of the world.
“How do we forgive our fathers? Maybe in a dream. Do we forgive our fathers for leaving us too often, or forever, when we were little? Maybe for scaring us with unexpected rage, or making us nervous because there never seemed to be any rage there at all? Do we forgive our fathers for marrying, or not marrying, our mothers? Or divorcing, or not divorcing, our mothers? And shall we forgive them for their excesses of warmth or coldness? Shall we forgive them for pushing, or leaning? For shutting doors or speaking through walls? For never speaking, or never being silent? Do we forgive our fathers in our age, or in theirs? Or in their deaths, saying it to them or not saying it. If we forgive our fathers, what is left?”
— Thomas Builds-the-Fire, Smoke Signals (Sherman Alexie)
“I loved you, I did, I loved you as good as anybody And I’ll never be sorry This is the place I finally learned what it meant To dance alone to the song you put in my chest Thanks for the symphony I can still hear it when I think of you And it is so much like remembering .”
— The Park, Caitlyn Siehl {what we buried} (Things I felt)
“she would have swallowed the sun to make you warm enough. she was nothing but love. she was nothing but love.”
—
inkskinned
goddamn this line.
(via wendlawrites)
this is home– 2 a.m, ‘funny valentine’, snow flakes falling past the bedroom window. loose hair, bare shoulders. the impossible heat of your body in the dark. whispers bare as thread. memories and memories.
yellow poem by adam b.