Void take it!

I'm the crazy Dragonborn from notoftheskaal's Skyrim fic, Doom Driven. I can't follow back. My crazy author might, over on notoftheskaal. If it was a question I can't answer, and won't give to Serana, I've used the letter as kindling. My crazy author shouldn't be wasting her time making me answer things where I have no idea what the fuck I'm being asked about. If it's not in Tamriel or Oblivion or Aetherius, I have no fucking clue, so don't ask. All right, please don't ask. Is that better, my crazy author?

[zuri-stein]

What do you do to occupy yourself when bored?

“I’m never bored.

I’ve got people to manage, jobs to do, prey to hunt, pockets to pick, treasure to track, and a lover to keep happy. I’m too BUSY to be bored.”

[sithia]

Ahem. A lover, Zuri? Singular? You might just have some spare time on your hands if you’re not careful.

[zuri-stein]

“I beg your pardon, Madam. Last time we met I seem to recall being chased off by an angry version of Serana. So you can hardly complain when I don’t -

“…Is this another portal? Entirely? You’re from a different world, aren’t you?”

“My, my, my, what a delightful turn of events.” Purred

[sithia]

Oh… You’re a different Zuri. And there’s another Serana out there too? Interesting…

My own Serana and Zuri might have words to say if I sought out a portal though.

[zuri-stein]

“So introduce us,” wicked, wide grin. “I’m sure I can persuade myself to share.”

[ladyserana]

Oh no you don’t! I can barely handle one of you plus Sithia.

By the blood… there’s other Sithias out there too?

Whimpers

[zuri-stein]

“Presumably each with their own Seranas and Zuris…”

“Which begs the question where MY Sithia is. I have yet to find her.”

[sithia]

It may be too much to hope for that my counterparts are with my lovers' counterparts. Especially as yours isn't.

If she's lived as dangerous life as I have... I'm afraid there's no guarantee she's alive. Try to find out what happened at Helgen. And if all else fails, try the Thalmor.

[zuri-stein]

What do you do to occupy yourself when bored?

“I’m never bored.

I’ve got people to manage, jobs to do, prey to hunt, pockets to pick, treasure to track, and a lover to keep happy. I’m too BUSY to be bored.”

[sithia]

Ahem. A lover, Zuri? Singular? You might just have some spare time on your hands if you’re not careful.

[zuri-stein]

“I beg your pardon, Madam. Last time we met I seem to recall being chased off by an angry version of Serana. So you can hardly complain when I don’t -

“…Is this another portal? Entirely? You’re from a different world, aren’t you?”

“My, my, my, what a delightful turn of events.” Purred

[sithia]

Oh... You’re a different Zuri. And there’s another Serana out there too? Interesting...

My own Serana and Zuri might have words to say if I sought out a portal though.

[zuri-stein]

What do you do to occupy yourself when bored?

“I’m never bored.

I’ve got people to manage, jobs to do, prey to hunt, pockets to pick, treasure to track, and a lover to keep happy. I’m too BUSY to be bored.”

[sithia]

Ahem. A lover, Zuri? Singular? You might just have some spare time on your hands if you’re not careful.

[sithia]

A friend of mine discovered a spell to replace all the wooden armor models in your house with perfect replicas of Serana. I thought that was interesting.

…very interesting indeed. Perfect replicas, eh?

Wait. Your friend has perfect replicas of Serana. I think I’m going to murder him or her. Serana might even do it for me if I tell her…

[zuri-stein]

Get the spell first!!

[sithia]

Tempting, but if I do that, Serana might find out and kill ME. Or just withhold access to the real thing, and I think I might prefer death to that.

Hang on... YOU have the spell?

[sithia]

A friend of mine discovered a spell to replace all the wooden armor models in your house with perfect replicas of Serana. I thought that was interesting.

...very interesting indeed. Perfect replicas, eh?

Wait. Your friend has perfect replicas of Serana. I think I’m going to murder him or her. Serana might even do it for me if I tell her...

[sithia]

"Meddle ye not in the affairs of dragons. For thou art cruchy and taste good with ketchup." Heard that. Thought of you.

What’s ketchup?

Wait, I should probably be asking how you know I taste good with anything. And what makes you think any dragon will manage to eat me.

Oh, shut up, Serana. I know Alduin almost did just that. And yes, I do appreciate that you shoved me out of the way, this anon doesn’t need to know how right they nearly were. Although none of this ketchup was involved.

[sithia]

Magic anon! ¤POOF¤ Sithia is now a bunny!

(one grumpy Dragonbunny hopping around)

[sithia]

V for Vampire? *signed with a particularly elegant flourish*

SERANA!

I knew it. And that small print... volume, eh? Prepare for some deafening volume, and not that way.

[sithia]

O for Orgasm Denial? *definitely a hint of actual handwriting coming through now...*

I’m getting increasingly tempted to inflict exactly that on the one sending these, Serana.

And concerning the small print... how do I do it, and do I like it done to me? You might well be about the find out the first, and as for the second... Try asking me in person. (drops quill before anything else can be written...)

[sithia]

Y for Yearning? *tiny little flourishes and curls on the letters....*

I know those flourishes and curls. Very distinctive. Serana...

Wait, small print... How often do I think about sex? How long can I go without? Wouldn’t you like to know. Tough!

I think about it a lot. I’ve always had a high sex drive, and taking dragon souls makes it worse. But I can go without. Have gone without, even, for well over a year.

[sithia]

W for Wild Card? *ink seems a bit fuzzy, as if an illusion spell is fading in and out of focus*

...there’s something increasingly familiar about your handwriting, anon. It’s not changed, but it’s as if, say, an enchantment was wearing off it.

As for wild card... I’m very tempted to experiment with sex and Shouts. With the right person, of course.

[sithia]

Is it "playing" when you actually perform the service? -shrug-

It is when I’m sure you do other things most of the time. Evil things.

[sithia]

If you are still interested in some 'demonstrations' I would be more than happy to oblige. A friend of mine agreed to be a stand in for Serana. -Zuri Stein

Playing courier now are we, Gaunty the Daedra?

Then a message for Zuri Stein: No Serana, no deal.

[sithia]

Z for Zzzzzzzz?

What? ...wait, some small print... How quickly do I fall asleep, do I snuggle?!

None of your business.

If suitably... satisfied, very quickly. And I do like to snuggle up to those I care to bed.

[sithia]

I have nothing to do with these asks.... I am merely enjoying the show. -grin-

...you know, knowing the Daedra are watching is enough to make me give up sex for what’s left of my life.

Mind your own business!

[sithia]

R for Risk? You seem to enjoy biting... anything a bit more exotic?

...no one but Serana or nosy Daedra would know that. Well, and the Divines, but I don’t think they’d be asking these questions.

I like a bit of pain with my pleasure, so biting and some nails raking, but other than that? I don’t do bondage. Not after Elenwen.

[zuri-stein]

F for Favorite Position!

“Pinning my partner’s hands over their head and turning them inside out. Standing, laying down, diagonally, any way really.” (Smirk.)

[sithia]

How’s that work with your Serana? She’s taller and stronger, isn’t she?

[zuri-stein]

“Shall I demonstrate?” (Rather vulpine grin.)

[sithia]

...I’m not as tall as Serana.