luther carries his powers with pride, without question —- at least outwardly, because it’s how he’s been taught and trained, how he knows it’s supposed to be. treating them like a burden would be insulting to the privilege they provide, so he thinks. but that doesn’t mean it’s easy for him; his powers are not ones he can turn off and on or hold back when they’re unnecessary. they’re a part of him, always, in everything he does; his body is a weapon that is always on, always something to be aware of. don’t hug too tight, no playful shoves, no encouraging hold of a sibling’s hand, all for fear that he’d inflict pain he didn’t wish for.
he always has the ability to inflict pain on others, no weapons needed, because that’s what he is. so when he’s the one left aching at the end of a fight, he can’t stop thinking about all the things he did wrong and all the ways he could have done better. ben means well, and there’s a part of luther that is so grateful that he’s checking up on him — it’s just his approach that throws luther off, because if anyone has to see him falter, he would hope it’s anyone but diego.
❝ diego doesn’t know shit, ❞ he snaps, not at ben, but it’s a triggered response in the way their father trained: i won’t allow him to be right, i have to prove myself better. though, maybe diego is right this time around, because luther took some beatings today that he hadn’t been able to avoid; he just doesn’t like the idea of diego being the one to say it, as if that makes luther sound even weaker. he’s number one, he’s their leader, he’s supposed to be indestructible. ❝ and, besides, he should be worrying about himself, because he almost got me killed out there by screwing around. ❞ it’s a big stretch; the truth is, diego handled himself well today —- maybe that’s why luther feels the need to be so defensive now.
but he looks over at ben, reminds himself that it’s him, not diego, and the hostility isn’t necessary with this brother. he actually enjoys ben’s company. he clears his throat, shrugging his shoulders, willing to offer a little bit —- but not too much, because he can’t reveal everything. ❝ —- i’m fine. just . . . annoyed. i got caught off guard, that’s all. ❞ he’s bruised, something he didn’t exactly feel in the moment, but now his head throbs, and the cuts and bruises on his body sting. ❝ i’ll just skip our 30 minutes of free time this week to do more training. ❞ something he defaults to all too often —- not because he actually wants to, but because he feels like he has to, and it’s about the example he’s setting.
he diverts the attention off himself, looking ben over. ❝ hey, what about you? that was . . . a lot. ❞ father always reminds number one to push ben harder, seemingly too afraid to do it himself. luther can be hard on ben, but it’s because he believes in him. that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know how exhausting the use of his powers must be. ❝ are you doing okay? ❞
there's something familiar about the way luther snaps at him — like getting sucker-punched, an odd insight into the rivalry between one and two : though ben finds himself agreeing with his brother more often than not, about diego overestimating his knowledge of certain things, time has taught him to leave certain matters alone, especially when it comes to them. and if there was real concern in his brother's voice when he'd asked about luther, then they should talk and sort it out themselves, because the probability of it being a sort of mockery, a part of the back and forth between the pair that they're all used too, is too high — and ben wants nothing to do with it. he raises his hands nonetheless, a sign of surrender, because he should've also known that the ‘ he said ’ after a mission like this does nothing but cause trouble. even if he'd thought it had gone well, all things considered, they all had been left quick-tempered, pent up.
when luther's tone changes, ben's hands lower accordingly. it's not much, what his brother gives him ( nothing compared to what their siblings have told him, after getting a few blows thrown their way ), but it's something. “ to be fair, i think we all were. ” the element of surprised used to work really well before, when the mysterious umbrella academy had just been presented to the world with promises of protecting the people against all evil, and the criminals they fought knew next to nothing about them. but it gets harder as they get older, as word gets around. dad must have anticipated that, if the increased intensity of their training was anything to go by. “ you did fine. ” he says, but when was just fine enough for any of them? or enough for their dad, anyway. “ oh, again? didn't you skip free time like, last week? ” ben doesn't dare sound disappointed, but maybe it comes across that way : not because he's upset at luther, he understands wanting to work harder and trying to keep up with their obligations. it would just be nice if his brother allowed himself to rest some time.
the deflection doesn't go unnoticed, and maybe a part of resting for luther includes ... not talking about himself. that's okay. “ a lot is one way to put it. ” even though they'd succeeded, and the burglars would spend the rest of their lives behind bars, they didn't make it easy for the umbrella academy, and now he feels the creatures shifting inside him, angry and tired and hurt. it's part of his power : they're impressive as they're repulsing, and after a hard day ben knows, faintly, that they're both upset at their enemies for injuring them, and resentful of him for not letting them retaliate as hard as they would like. “ but i'm okay, ” he shrugs, and it's not entirely a lie, but he draws a line between what he can say to his siblings, and what he has to keep to himself. luther, however ... is their leader for a reason. ben cares little about numbers as it is, especially since five disappeared, but if there's one thing he believes dad got right is their number one — he always knows what to do, or how to act, and their missions succeed as often as they do because he is the one guiding them.
so it doesn't feel right to hide things from him — because ben trusts him, with things he wouldn't normally trust to the rest of them. “ well, actually ... they have been bothering me all day. and yesterday, too. ” he's careful of his wording, as he always is when talking about the creatures. they're gruesome, nothing short of vile, but they're his. no way around that. but it doesn't mean the rest of his siblings have to get the nasty details. “ i know i should train a bit more ... ” he's not happy about it, and even as he says it, ben knows he's not going to — at least not until they’ve calmed down. which may take a while. but ... “ maybe we could do it together. ” that, at least, makes the prospect of training a little less stressful. a little more fun.
