#boobz

Sammy evans I'm Sammy. I like naps, snacks and I'm a boobs AND an ass man. I enjoy drawing dicks on stuff because it's funny. I'll be your best friend forever if you give me your Netflix password. “with the record selection, And the mirror's reflection, I'm a dancin' with myself"

[skanksammy]

heightssnix​:

PRIVATE

I don’t know… I’m just wondering if you two are together yet. You had sex on my bed and you both can’t say enough nice things about each other. You should ask him out.

PRIVATE

I mean we’re together quite a bit of the time... OH! Like together together, like Blue and Magenta from Blues Clues? You think I should? I dunno.. Doesn’t doing that mean you can’t hang with other people, too?

[skanksammy]

Sam → Ryder (accidental text all)

Ryder: That's great! Sounds like you're forgiven

Ryder: When you say pussies... are we talking like actual cats?

Ryder: Who do these pussies belong to?

Sam: I hope so! I do feel really bad still..

Sam: Oh yeah, cats! I'm not allowed to play with the tigers at the zoo anymore.

Sam: The cool lady that lives in the corner of my trailer park has SO MANY little kitties and sometimes she lets me trim their lil nails. I think you'll like em!

[skanksammy]

Text ✉ Blaine & Sam

Blaine: Yay! I'm so glad you'll be there ♥ Do you wanna spend the night here as well?

Blaine: I think this is going to be my last party there for a while actually - but you are ALWAYS welcome to come over of course.

Blaine: Just your thighs? You look amazing in booty shorts though so we absolutely can't have that again.

Sam: I'm totally down for having another two dude party sometime. I found a pretty sweet boom box that I think I can get working with some new batteries!

Sam: I think someone made a spill on me. I didn't get any stains this time, though! So.... PLUS!

Sam: How does it feel being OLDER? Are you older than me now?

[skanksammy]

heightssnix​:

PRIVATE

I totally think so. So how are things going with Blaine?

PRIVATE

He seems to be doing great! I know I always feel awesome after having a birthday. Why?

[skanksammy]

heightssnix​:

PRIVATE

Maybe the universe realized you needed some help and decided to step in?

PRIVATE

You think so??? Siri finally heard my calls for help and did me a solid.

[skanksammy]

heightssnix​:

PRIVATE

I’m really glad you two made up though I’m not surprised. Staying mad at you is basically impossible. Just make sure you triple check your messages before you send them, okay?

PRIVATE

Maybe THAT is my real superpower or something? I’m totes gonna try real hard on the texting thing. I mean, I somehow have way less contacts now so that’s less confusing for sure.

[skanksammy]

heightssnix​:

We can totally do that. Is Quinn speaking to you yet?

PRIVATE

Ummm she hugged me at Blaine’s party and said things were okay and she seemed like... SUPER happy, so I think so! She DEF will when she sees me in a skirt, though. Everyone loves that. 

[skanksammy]

heightssnix​:

Sexy secretary in a pencil skirt seems about right. You can take notes at our meetings and get us coffee.

SWEET! I can do that.. But you might have to write down your orders on a post it, ‘cause Starbucks is super overwhelming with all the choices and ESPECIALLY the snackos.

[skanksammy]

heightssnix​:

You’re now looking at MHU’s new student council president. Apparently the old one decided to step down and as McKinley’s vice-president, I had to take over the role. Fabray will be joining me as my new vice and if anyone has anything they would like to say about any rumors that may or may not be going around campus about her, I urge you to say them directly to me. I will have no hesitation in breaking several of your bones. Yay to school spirit!

WAIT does this mean I’m now the VVP? Or like... Can I be the sexy hot secretary in the pencil skirt?

[skanksammy]

Sam → Puck (accidental text all)

Puck: I got chu. Bro, booze is always the right medicine for inside wounds. I'm like an expert at it.

Sam: That sounds like... 50 shades of sad faces. are you ok? ♥

[skanksammy]

heightspuckerman​:

PRIVATE

If I were to die, I’d wanna have a heart attack getting laid. At least that way I went out doing a thing I love. Mystery is wicked and all, but I feel like it means you get all tortured and shit beforehand by like the mafia or some shit and thrown out in the middle of the ocean. But for sure dude, losing a leg is what I’d pick too, like how that dude in Saw had to do to get that chain off of his leg. 

PRIVATE

That’s the kinda stuff that would end up with you getting a documentary made about you. Which is like... The crem de la crem of being famous and stuff. But SAW IS SO SCARY i watched that when i was a kid and i had nightmares about the puppet dude for weeks. 

[skanksammy]

Sam → Ryder (accidental text all)

Ryder: Oh god, that doesn't sound fun

Ryder: You made any more progress yet?

Ryder: They're alright?? I prefer dogs though

Ryder: Why?

Sam: She hugged me at blaines party so i guess that's something? She said it was all okay now and she seemed like, overly happy?

Sam: I was wondering if you wanted to come over and play with some pussies!

[skanksammy]

Text ✉ Blaine & Sam

Blaine: Part of me feels like I still haven’t fully recovered from Miami, but it’s my birthday this Saturday and you only turn 21 once, so I’m throwing a party! Same place as last time.

Blaine: Oh, and please try not to spill red wine in the pool again because that place ended up looking like a crime scene.

Sam: I'm TOTALLY there! your place is def turning into the party house and i LOVE that :D

Sam: Also TOTES to the red wine thing 'cause I ended up getting stained thighs last time which put a damper on wearing booty shorts for a WHOLE week.

[skanksammy]

Sam → sinn (accidental text all)

Finn: Sweet, but if we ever have to take a test or something, you can't cheat off mine. Won't get you a good grade.

Sam: I'm sure they wont notice 'cause i dont get good grades anyways! Unless they're like... The tests yo ucan speak instead of write.

[skanksammy]

Sam → Open (accidental text all)

Quinn: I'll come to you when I'm ready.

Sam: ok.. ily ♥

[skanksammy]

Sam → Ryder (accidental text all)

Ryder: Okay cool! Come by whenever you're free 🙌

Ryder: Any word from Quinn yet or is it still radio silence?

Ryder: Thanks man!

Ryder:

Ryder: You have nice lips too

Sam: Um... She kinda said she's not ready to talk yet so I think that's fair. I just miss her so much. I wanna cry when I'm in womens studies :(

Sam: THANKS DUDE!

Sam: Do you like cats?

[skanksammy]

Sam → sinn (accidental text all)

Finn: I wish I remembered enough Spanish to be called that.

Sam: You'll always be bi in my heart ♥