What sex positivity should be.
It’s consent-based. Sex positivity should encourage healthy consent practices, not only for sex but for all physical and emotional intimacy. It should encourage personal relationships and a larger society where people not only have the right to say no but the comfort in knowing that if they do say no they won’t be punished, pressured, or condemned for that. It should encourage people to be comfortable in setting their own boundaries and feeling safe calling out people who encroach upon those boundaries.
It’s risk-aware. Sex positiivty should encourage people to educate themselves and be open in discussions with their partners so that everyone knows the potential risks in whatever activity they’re participating in and how to participate in those activities in a safe manner. If, for example, a person is interested in bondage they should be aware of how to practice it safely so that it can be done without doing unwanted or serious harm to them or their partners.
It encourages safe sexual practices. See: risk-aware but sex positivity should also encourage the use of condoms, birth control, dental dams, etc. It should encourage people who are having sex with multiple partners to get tested regularly. It should also educate people about how to properly clean sexual devices and maintain good sanitary habits.
It’s shame-free. Sex positivity should remove the concept of shame from consensual adult sex. It should be based in the idea that if all participants in an act are consenting, adults, safe, risk-aware, not being harmed in a way that they did not consent to then, and that no one who does not want to participate is being unduly exposed to their act then they are doing nothing wrong and should not feel that they are.
It acknowledges that thoughts/fantasies are not the same thing as actions. This also falls under the category of being shame-free but more specifically, sex positivity should make an effort to remind people that their fantasies are not the same as real-life actions that and people with violent fantasies or who are aroused by fantasizing about things that would not be acceptable if acted on outside of their head are not bad for this and that their fantasies are not on the same level as the equivalent real-life action. Sex positivity is not believing in the concept of ‘thought crimes’ and refusing to shame people for thoughts/fantasies as though they were real-life actions.
It supports comprehensive sex ed. Sex positivity should support comprehensive sexual education being taught in every school. The curriculum should be inclusive to LGBTQIA+ people and focus on all forms of sex rather than just PIV as well as teach students about puberty, consent, birth control options, what a healthy relationship should be like, various forms of interpersonal abuse and how to spot red flags in relationships, menstruation (what is/is not normal for a period, different menstrual products and how to use them), and some other things I’m probably forgetting. Comprehensive sex ed should above all be shame free and make an effort to educate children about their bodies, sex, relationships, and selves in a safe and judgment-free environment.
It supports sex workers. Sex positivity should support the decriminalization of sex work and actively focus on improving the rights and safety of sex workers while also actively fighting against people and systems of oppression which force people into sex work who do not want to be there, namely among them being classism as no one should be forced into sex work due to financial circumstances which mean that without doing sex work they would be homeless or unable to afford basic living expenses (an issue that should be addressed not by further penalizing or otherwise harming, shaming or discriminating against these sex workers but by attacking the system of classism and supporting more social welfare and expanding opportunities for the poor).
It supports a person’s right to their own sexuality. Sex positivity should acknowledge that all people have different sexualities, different levels of interest in sex, different kinks, and just different feelings about and experiences with sex in general, and it should embrace this. People who experience no sexual attraction, people who don’t ever want to have sex, people who are attracted to everyone, people who want to have sex with multiple partners, people who are ‘vanilla’, people who are into ‘extreme’ kinks—people with every level of sexual interest and interest in specific kinds of sex should be accepted provided that everyone involved with whatever is going on is a consenting adult. This should include asexuals and people who are sex-repulsed (asexual or not) as sex positivity should encourage and support people who don’t experience sexual attraction or don’t want sex as much as we do people who do.
It refuses to harbor, accept, or excuse abusers. Sex positivity is not worth a shit unless it’s anti-abuse. Consent and safety are the foundation for good sex positivity and people who violate another person’s consent or compromise their safety should not be accepted and their actions should not be swept under the rug. Sex positivity should focus on educating people on various forms of abuse and how to spot them, creating a society where abuse victims are able to safely come forward about their abuse without fear of victim-blaming or punishment, and refuse to allow abusers to continue being part of of our communities. It means acknowledging abuse when it happens, addressing it seriously, and doing everything in your power to support the survivors.
It encourages honesty and open communication. Sex positivity should encourage people to be honest to the people they’re involved with and with themselves as well. It should encourage people to be introspective about what they feel and what they want and it should provide them a safe environment by which to express these things to their partners. People should be comfortable discussing sex with the people they’re involved with and not be afraid to do so.
It’s inclusive to people of all identities and body types. Sex positivity should actively acknowledge and support people of all kinds and make an effort to discuss the sexual issues pertinent to certain identities that are rarely given much attention. It should actively fight against the idea that only a certain kind of body is the ‘right’ kind of body, that only a certain kind of people are ‘desirable’, that conventional beauty standards are the end-all/be-all. Sex positivity should be inclusive towards fat people, disable people, trans and nonbinary people, people of color, mentally ill people, queer people—everyone. Sex positivity should create and encourage the existence of people of all identities being able to talk specifically about sex, sexuality, and how it intersects with different aspects of their selves.
Sex positivity to me essentially should mean consenting adults making their own choices with regards to sex—whether or not they have it, what kind they have, who they have it with, etc—while acknowledging and respecting that other consenting adults will make other choices because all people are different and want different things, and it should focus not only on an individual’s sexual choices but also on building a broader society which is open and honest and legitimately cares about the well-being, happiness, safety, and autonomy of other people.
