@skylinepilot - Tumblr Blog

perfume by samuel richardson, 2024, acrylic, colored pencil, ink, pull chain, & stain on framed canvas, 14.25 × 17.25 inches

I don’t know if you remember, but I’m thinking about that one time we randomly took a break, although I don’t remember why anymore, you asked jocelyn to check in on me, and I knew I couldn’t be apart from you any longer.

after we broke up I packed everything of ours into a box and kept it beside the entrance to my room in vine. it sat there for months. a past friend of mine eventually moved in and we were roommates for awhile. those photos and videos of us were still on my old laptop and she had to be the one to delete them because I could never gather the strength to do it myself. I sometimes wish I still had them, but they still exist almost perfectly in my brain either way.

the one thing I did keep though was the voicemails you left me over the years. I haven’t listened to them in a long long time, but tonight for some reason I listened to a few. your voice is still so familiar even though it’s been years since I’ve heard it.

although it doesn’t hurt nearly as much as it did for so long, I’m scared there will always be a part of me that forever grieves our love.

all that to say though, I think I’ll be forever grateful for these small moments where we write to one another. sometimes I’m overwhelmed with the things I would want to write about to you, because over the years it felt like there was so much to say and it almost makes me tongue tied in a way.

thank you for these small moments we share now, it means so much to me.

I was recently in a drive thru and the car ahead had a license plate that read marko, it was such an odd feeling to see that name again, especially somewhere so out of place. sometimes it hits me just how far away we truly are from one another and how we both traveled over a thousand miles just to hold one another at one point in time.

I still think about the snow capped mountains and how you only had to walk outside to see them. I had never seen anything so beautiful and I still proudly boast about them when someone mentions out west.

you mention dreams and it reminds me of how for the longest time, when I’d dream of you I was always so far away from you. there would be a reason why we couldn’t be near one another and I’d often spend the time trying to reach you just to see you or even say your name. even though you were far away, I still preferred those dreams over the typical nightmares I have.