GOOD MOURNING
➥ Two people who don't even know each other share the same fate on the same day.
➥ 7.2k (~30 min. read)
⚠ — Heavy angst, violence, themes of loss (see masterlist for more)
“Honorable Jaein.”
The six men seated around the circular table stood up and bowed their heads in unison as their main counsel walked into the chamber with swift steps. The room was eerily silent except for the crackle of the fire, clearly not enough of a heat source for Jaein since her hands were still stone cold.
They had been ever since His Grace fell ill.
“Our Lord’s malady continues to deteriorate,” she clasped her hands on the table, “None of the healers you brought in seems to know what they are doing.”
“With all due respect, my lady, we have discussed this matter,” Councilor Song spoke with makeshift confidence, “All healers are unanimous in their diagnoses.”
“Which is?”
“Our Lord unfortunately has that… harlot disease,” he responded in an extremely hushed whisper, fully aware of how terribly he was blaspheming, “It is incurable.”
“He does NOT!”
She slammed her hands on the table so hard that all the councilors flinched as the entire room shook with her minuscule earthquake. The men looked at each other to decide who was going to be the one to address the elephant in the room.
“My lady, healers are saying he doesn’t have much time,” Councilor Jeon volunteered himself to be the target of the arrows residing under Jaein’s tongue, “We shall find a way to break the news to the overlords.”
“Does your simple mind not comprehend how vulnerable our revered state is right now?” she spat with utter disdain, “If word travels that Our Lord is unwell, they will revolt in the blink of an eye to rise to power!”
“His Excellency does not have an heir, my lady. They will learn soon enough. How long do you think we can keep this a secret?”
As long as it takes, Jaein answered to herself inside.
Secrecy was the singular principle governing these lands. Everything happened behind closed doors. It had to. That was how this nation survived for centuries and how it had a chance of survival for at least another century more. With zero tolerance for the slightest acts of disloyalty. They didn’t flaunt their rulers like any of their neighbors did because this was the only way to ensure the Daesan could stay incognito when he patrolled the streets to check his subjects’ pulse. Even in the palace, no one outside the Council was considered worthy of His Majesty’s sight. The public was never made aware of any births contributing to the expansion of the royal family, nor any deaths that weren’t directly related to the throne because it was nobody’s fucking business. There had to be some sanctity to it all, and everybody had to know their place.
Period.
“Except for you lot, no soul knows Our Lord has not sired an heir,” Jaein mumbled to herself with her eyes fixated on her twiddling thumbs, “I shall pay a visit to him for a consultation. Dismissed.”
The men rose to their feet in respect as their main counsel walked out as quickly as she arrived, having no clue as to how to salvage the future of the nation they dedicated their entire lives to. As did many, many of their ancestors.
No matter how many times she had been to the bedchambers of His Highness, every time she saw him, Jaein was still shaken to her core like it was the very first time. A man once as glorious as the highest mountains, simultaneously instilling terror and awe in everyone lucky enough to catch a mere glimpse of him, was now diminished to this lump unable to even lift a finger by himself. He could be entirely made of thorns for all she cared. No amount of sores covering his skin could move him an inch from the pedestal of her heart.
He was still the most beautiful thing to ever walk this earth in Jaein’s eyes.
“My lord,” she approached the bed with her head bowed, “How are you feeling today?”
“As if you crushed glass in my tasteless meal,” he responded in a wheezy voice, “Do not ask questions you know the answers to.”
“My most profound apologies,” her bow instantly switched to a more acute angle.
“If there is no urgent matter—”
“The Inner Council is concerned about the survival of our state with the lack of heirs, my lord,” she quickly intercepted, “I did produce an idea, but it is most unorthodox.”
“Do I have a son I do not know of?” he let out a derisive chuckle embellished with throaty coughs.
She wished. From the bottom of her soul, she wished she could be blessed enough to bestow a son upon the throne. She would give everything to lay with the sole owner of her heart, but if she did, she would probably die within the week, and the nation would fall the following month in her absence.
Matters of the state came much before the matters of the heart. She had sworn her blood to this land.
“My lord, as you also know, there is… there is her.”
“Stop spewing nonsense,” he immediately protested as hard as his condition allowed, “In what universe can a woman occupy the throne?!”
“She shall not,” she continued with her persuasion with a drop of hope in her eyes, “She is still your blood, my lord. She can continue your lineage. If she conceives a boy, he would have the right to the throne.”
“And who do you suggest should rule in the interim?” he raised his brows quasi-questioningly, “No one who isn’t a Changwon Hwang has occupied this throne and no one is about to start now. NO ONE!”
“Please do not exert effort, I beg you!”
She threw herself at the edge of his futon, holding his hand tightly as if to pray to a deity because as far as Jaein was concerned His Grace was one. The only god she worshipped. And no matter their irreconcilable differences, he was always going to have a soft spot for her.
And she knew.
“You are the strongest woman I know, Jaein, and much more of a man than everyone in this palace combined,” he uttered with heavily veiled affection as she quietly sobbed, “You have never disappointed me, and I know you never will as long as you are alive and well.”
“Precisely, my lord.”
“Here is my final will to you,” he closed his eyes to gather a bit more strength just to utter mere sentences, “You are to protect this state no matter what. You are to ensure our survival. No one but the honorable Hwang clan is worthy of this throne. No one but us.”
“Certainly, my lord.”
“Whatever it takes, Jaein,” his voice started to dim as if he was out of breath after running for hours on end, “You are to… wh–whatever… it takes…”
“My lord?”
She wasn’t used to him being so quiet; she was only used to him roaring like the proud tiger he was, but he didn’t even seem to be breathing anymore. A surge of panic rushed through her body like astray currents of thunder were striking her one after another, penetrating her denial to believe what she was witnessing at all costs.
“MY LORD!!!”
The chamberlains rushed into the room as Jaein’s wails reverberated throughout the entire palace. The healers surrounded the futon, doing everything in their power to find a pulse, but even minutes later it was apparent their endeavors would yield no result. Watching everything by the door, Jaein suddenly lost all sense of reality. If he wasn’t in it, she didn’t want to be a part of it, either.
A loyal subject does not serve two kings.
A loyal woman does not serve two husbands.
The mountain she leaned on, the only man she had ever lived for was gone.
“My lady, please come to your senses,” Councilor Kim urged her to snap out of it, “The state needs you more than it ever did!”
“Do not… talk to me… until Friday morning. Or I’ll kill you with my bare hands.”
One day. Jaein allowed herself twenty-four hours to forget everything and bask in the freezing warmth of grief. Cry. Mourn. Sob. Lament. Torture herself with all her memories with the Great Daesan.
Twenty-four hours later, she emerged from her chamber as if nothing had happened at all, the last remaining flicker of light in her eyes completely vanished. She called a council meeting at an ungodly hour for the matters of the state were too dire to wait until the morning.
Everyone at the table agreed on one thing—if the overlords got wind of His Majesty’s death, the throne would definitely fall without the need for a riot since there was no legitimate heir they could present. They would either have to willingly hand over power or face the war on the horizon.
There was no way Jaein would let that happen. Not on her watch.
“Harvest Day is approaching,” Councilor Lee spoke with urgency in his voice, “We will not be able to hide this much longer. The overlords will be visiting the state to pay their respects.”
“SILENCE!”
Jaein had been thinking about this at the back of her mind ever since the moment His Grace entrusted the pulse of this nation to her care. She would rather die than disappoint him, in death or in health.
“If any of these wretched men dare to question,” she directly addressed the councilor, “You shall tell them our crown Daesan is preparing to take over the throne as his honorable father is simply unwell.”
“Crown Daesan?” the councilor contorted his face, “Honorable Jaein, His Grace does not have a—”
She pounced at the man when he least expected it and pressed the tip of her dagger on his cheek.
“If you say he does not have an heir one more time, I shall send you to spend an eternity with Our Lord. You are to do… as I… say,” she quietly snarled at him, “No one will hear of Our Lord’s passing until I settle the matters.”
It was late into the night as Jaein marched towards the swordsmen’s quarters. She needed to borrow a couple of the palace’s finest for a very personal mission, and it was imperative that she had men in her command ready to kill with a single word coming out of her mouth.
Just in case.
Once the commander lined up five of his most skilled men, she examined each and every one of them to spot a granular weakness that could jeopardize this little expedition. Only when she was fully convinced of their capabilities did she give them their first order.
“Put on your armor,” she addressed the men as she headed towards the door, “We are leaving.”
“At dawn, Honorable Jaein?”
“NOW!”
As the men dispersed to change into assault attire, Jaein headed to her chambers to put on some clothes fit for travel. It had been quite a long while since she visited that village. She wasn’t even sure if it stayed the same, or if her people of interest even lived there. It was just a hunch, but even if her hunch was wrong, she was adamant to emerge victorious from this hunt. One way or another. After all, desperate times called for desperate measures. Or a drowning man would clutch at a straw.
Whichever you wish to call it.
“I would like a jar of honey, please.”
The boy behind the counter lit up at your sight. Every time his cheekbones raised like that, you melted inside a little bit. All he had to do was pick up one of the jars neatly stacked on the shelf behind him, but he sure was taking his sweet time to execute one simple motion.
Because once your order was fulfilled, you were going to leave, and he would like to gaze at your beauty for a couple of more seconds if he was allowed to.
And maybe you didn’t mind it at all since you were busy staring at his pretty hands as he carefully wrapped the jar in layers of paper as a protective measure.
“I think there has been a mistake,” you looked up at him when you noticed something extra resting on top of the lid, “I didn’t ask for candy.”
“It’s–It’s not… because you asked,” he couldn’t look you in the eye as he explained, “Father made a new batch of chocolates with coconuts. I–I wanted you to try it.”
“But coconuts are very expensive!” your eyes grew big in shock, “I can’t tak—”
“Happy birthday.”
He… remembered. He actually remembered.
You had only mentioned it in the passing when you were trying to find out what his birthday was. Winter was approaching, and it was going to be very suspicious to gift him the gloves you knit for him out of nowhere. This was supposed to be your foolproof excuse unless he was born in the spring.
Your heart thumped so hard in your chest, you almost swooned.
“Thank you,” you bashfully smiled while staring at your feet, “I… I humbly accept.”
“Will you—?”
You stopped in your tracks when he urgently called out after you. When you looked into his eyes again, he temporarily forgot his words but was at least quick to recover.
“Will you come tomorrow, too? We will hand out lemonade for the neighborhood.”
You quietly nodded at him and watched his beautiful face bloom with yet another heart-melting smile.
On the way home, you headed to the bridge to visit the fortuneteller uncle just to play with his bunnies; you weren’t going to risk ruining your day by drawing a bad fortune charm with your rotten luck. Your short encounter with Minho at the shop was all the good fortune you needed anyway.
“Let us draw one!”
As you were feeding Cotton and Snowball the leaves of lettuce you brought for them, two of those artist ladies showed up by the stand. They looked so elegant in their silk attire, flawless even without their nighttime makeup on, their poise so magnificent you couldn’t help but feel awestruck, inadvertently giggling to yourself. You didn’t know these women at all, but you might as well have with how much you were able to deduce about them simply from an accessory they wore.
A comb.
These weren’t ordinary ornaments; they were purity combs, only custom-made, thus quite expensive to own. The base was gold and there were more than a handful of emeralds on them, so they were clearly well-off. You knew they were teahouse artists because the shape was a dragonfly instead of the signature butterfly, which meant instead of their husbands during the wedding night, the combs were to be removed by whoever paid the highest sum for their virginities.
In the grand scheme of things, it didn’t mean anything that grand. Maybe the intentions were pure at first to create something beautiful as an ode to femininity and becoming a woman, but in time they had somehow turned into subtle public announcements that you were ripe to be defiled. So much so that some families simply would not take a bride that didn’t own a comb. You didn’t pay any mind to it for the longest time, but somewhere along the line, the meaning of a purity comb drastically changed for you. It became synonymous with happiness.
The day you realized you secretly wanted one was the day you faced how much you were in love with Minho.
You never held onto much hope for how costly it was to have one made, but you didn’t even need a fancy one like the town girls had, dipped in 24k gold and diamonds, heavy enough to get their buns lopsided. Heck, just a simple brass one would do. Wasn’t the color of an amethyst much prettier than a diamond anyway?
Nevertheless, the reality was reality. You kept daydreaming about it instead. You imagined putting on your comb before heading to the Lees’ shop. You imagined how Minho would react when he saw it. Maybe he would say something heart-fluttering again. Maybe he would take your hand and spin you around once. Maybe he would ask for your hand in marriage on the spot.
Just thinking about it was making you kick your feet.
“Would the young lady here kindly bestow her youthful luck on us?” the one in the pastel green kimono softly asked.
“If my lady pardons me,” you bowed your head in apology, “My luck is nonexistent.”
“I insist,” she gently touched your arm, then placed two rons on the stand.
You looked at the fortuneteller uncle, and he quickly nodded at you with a fatherly smile. You took the deepest breath of your life and held Cotton between your hands, repeatedly whispering to yourself ‘Please don’t fail me’ as you brought her closer to the large box where the charms were. Once she picked one with her tiny teeth, you handed the red envelope to the lady and held your breath until she made a sound.
“Great fortune!” she gracefully laughed as she showed the charm to her friend, then slightly bowed her head to you in gratitude, “This is why I insisted. Thank you very much for indulging me.”
You stared at her, all flabbergasted. Fortune? Coming from your hands?
There must have been something in the air that day.
“Good job, Cotton!” you squished the bunny as they left and gave her another leaf of lettuce for her hard work.
You were starving by then, so you took the shortcut home to preserve energy to help your mother prepare dinner, but when you made it home, you were greeted with an unexpected sight. All your favorites were already laid out on the wooden floor table, making your heart swell five times its size.
“Mother, I’m home!” you took off your shoes and sniffed the air as you walked towards the kitchen, “What is this smell?”
“I hear a little butterfly was born today,” she poked her head out of the kitchen with a big smile, “I am almost done here.”
“There was honey at home?!” you shrieked once you noticed she was making rice pudding, “Then why did you send me to buy some?”
“I don’t know. Thought you might want to visit that handsome friend of yours today,” she nonchalantly spoke while stirring the pot, immediately flustering you to death, “And in my defense, we were running low.”
“I’ll–I’ll go… wash my… my hands…” you trailed off as you dashed out of the kitchen.
It was an unspoken competition between you at this point. One of you would go all out on the other’s birthday, preparing a table so rich even the Daesan would be jealous. Of course it was always followed by the pleasant heaviness of a food coma, but this year, there was a little addition to the table. Once the meal was over, instead of clearing the table, your mother brought a pitcher, two small cups, and a wooden box. She filled the cups with some milky-looking drink that had a slight viscosity to it and raised hers in the air.
“Enjoy this moment, my beautiful butterfly,” she spoke through her teary smile, each word loaded with infinite amounts of compassion, “You are a woman today.”
You bowed your head in respect and clinked your cup against hers, trying to get a hold of your own tears in the meantime. The rice wine did a fantastic job diverting your attention to your burning throat, barely allowing you an escape from what would otherwise be an emotional breakdown.
“And this,” she pushed the wooden box in your direction, “is for you.”
“There is a present?” you threw a terribly unconvincing composure over your giddiness.
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe there is,” she feigned unawareness, “Maybe it is something we can put in your hair.”
No.
It couldn’t be true.
But when you opened the box, it was indeed staring at you.
A comb.
The base might not have been gold, but it sure as hell wasn’t brass either. It was silver, a little darkened, but it didn’t take away anything from its beauty. If anything, it complemented the rubies on it perfectly.
“Mother, this is… This must have cost a fortune, why did you—?”
“Calm yourself. I have not bankrupted us,” she looked at the delicate piece of accessory fondly, shadows of nostalgia passing through her eyes, “This used to be mine.”
Unable to contain your happiness, you jumped at her with a big hug, making her break into loud peals of laughter. She kept caressing your hair and gave you a big kiss on your forehead once you managed to detach yourself.
“Put this on the next time you go to the market,” she knowingly smiled and booped your nose, “I’ll go bring the dessert.”
The moment she rose to her feet, however, an uneasy feeling spread in her chest. She heard horses neighing outside in the courtyard, certainly a strange occurrence for their quiet neighborhood, but one look out the window, and she witnessed the reason for her sudden restlessness staring back at her.
Her blood froze.
“In you go,” she urged in panic, “Hide.”
“Mother, what is g—?”
“Do not come out of the room!”
She calmed her stuttering breathing first, then wrapped herself in her shawl and walked out to the courtyard. The maniacal eyes she had seen a lifetime ago were looking right into hers again like it was yesterday.
Even crazier this time.
“Greetings!” the woman started with the cheeriness of a drunk man and ended with the sinisterness of a ruthless murderer, “Sister.”
“What do you want?” Jaebom curtly asked, barely able to control her chattering teeth courtesy of her looming rage.
“So… much… hostility,” Jaein dragged each word and disapprovingly tsked, “Our differences will have to wait. I am here on state business.”
“What business could you possibly have with me?”
“You have a little something of mine,” Jaein tilted her head with the smile of a raging lunatic, “I’d like it back.”
Jaebom’s eyes widened, partly due to fear, partly due to her motherly instincts pushing her to the very brink of committing cold-blooded murder. There was simply no way on earth she heard this correctly.
“You promised not to show your face here ever again afte—”
“I know,” Jaein calmly interrupted, “but that was then.”
You tiptoed out of the room you were firmly instructed to not leave and crouched under the window to see what the hell was going on outside. A strange woman in flashy clothes was talking to your mother, and there were five men behind her in full warrior attire with masks and everything. They had arrived with a really fancy carriage, gold and black in color with ornate patterns on it.
Wait, was that actually gold?
“I gave you a helping hand when you were courting death. Everybody was going to learn you were unchaste out of marriage. God knows they would form a line to be the one to stone you with how many enemies you have made,” Jaebom started raising her voice, “You brought it on yourself when you couldn’t refrain from spreading your legs for that debauched man you call Daesan…”
“Do not speak ill of him.”
“Who is rumored to not even like women…”
“I said do not s—”
“And now you barge into my home to take her away from me?!!” she was properly screaming by then, “She is my daughter. She has been all these years. Just because you gave birth to her does not change the facts!”
Your heart fell from your chest.
What… What did she even mean by Just because you gave birth…? That was a slip of the tongue. It most certainly was. There was a reason it had always been the two of you. Your father had died in the war when you were little.
Not because some other woman gave birth to you and dumped you here!!!
“You just took care of something I asked you to hold onto for me. It’s still mine,” Jaein tried to keep her poise, losing patience by the minute, “Do not make a big deal out of this.”
“Big deal? This is my life you are asking me to give up!”
Jaein took a deep breath, incredibly annoyed like she was watching a kid throwing a tantrum just because her mother wouldn’t buy her a candy apple.
“This is bigger than you. It always has been. I do not expect your simple mind to understand state matters,” she jeered, “But if you do not willingly hand it over, then I will have to take it myself.”
“Over my dead body.”
“Get rid of her.”
SLASH!
She didn’t even flinch watching her younger sister fall to her knees and hit the ground, eyes still open and painting the soil around her crimson. Then she turned around as if she just squashed an annoying mosquito disturbing her sleep and ordered her men.
“Find her.”
You wanted to scream. You wanted to hide. You wanted to run outside and kill this woman while vomiting an entire town’s worth of hatred on her face, but you went completely rigid, eyes as wide as the full moon, unable to make a single sound. The five masked men barging in did not even have to exert any effort whatsoever as you were petrified with terror by the window, dragging you out of the house with complete ease like you were a mere leaf.
“Careful! That’s your Crown Daesan you are handling,” Jaein urged while watching you getting shoved into the carriage.
She turned around to look at the small wooden house one last time as if the dead body of her sister drowning in her own blood wasn’t lying in the courtyard.
“I always thought these little boxes were eyesores,” she contorted her face in utter displeasure, “Burn it.”
The men grabbed the torches they brought and set the place on fire, then promptly got on their horses and led the way for the carriage. Jaein didn’t care. She did what she had to do as her duty to this great nation. To the Great Daesan.
To her god.
You were rendered completely mute, blankly staring at your feet. When the blazes roared to your right like one last farewell, you slowly turned your head to watch your entire childhood getting cremated through the tears that clung to your eyelashes, the knot of the grief you couldn’t process growing much bigger in your throat.
Today, you were forced to become a woman.
Great fortune. What fortune? If you knew they were asking you to give up whatever shred of youthful luck you didn’t know you possessed to avoid this fate, you would have strangled those women at the bridge with your bare hands.
As the carriage moved further away, the comb you couldn’t even wear once for Minho slowly turned into charcoal in the debris of the house.
“Soyeon. Soyeon!”
Loud whispers were heard under the window in between the sounds of small stones hitting glass. When the window finally opened, a beautiful girl emerged.
“Chan?” she immediately broke into a smile when she saw the two brothers below, speaking equally quietly, “What are you doing here at this hour?!”
“It’s just nine o’clock,” his eyes turned into crescent moons the second he laid eyes on her, “Come down. I have a surprise for you.”
“Father would kill me!”
“Come down!”
That was unfortunately a problem Soyeon had. She didn’t have much of a backbone when this man asked something of her while flashing those dimples to absolutely die for.
“What are you after this time, you rascals?” she approached while wrapping herself in her shawl, still communicating without a sound as the brothers annoyingly grinned at her.
“What? Is it a crime if I want to see my princess?” he stole a kiss from her cheek.
“Cut it out! Someone will see,” she punched his arm with a shy smile, not really because she was scared to be caught, but rather because she would combust on the spot otherwise.
“Come with me,” he began to walk towards the square.
They strolled for a while without a word, just occasionally stealing glimpses from each other and smiling, with San following them about ten steps behind. Soyeon didn’t know where they were going, but she didn’t even mind. After all, she was with the only two men she trusted with her life, even more than her tyrant of a father and brothers.
“I dream of this sometimes, you know,” Chan finally broke the silence.
“Of what?”
“This,” he lovingly looked into her eyes, “You make your delicious stew for dinner, we have a hearty meal, then I put you in my arm and flaunt my wife during an evening stroll.”
“Stop saying things like that!” she hit his arm again, biting inside her cheeks to stop herself from smiling so big as he was having a giggle fit.
Once they reached the familiar ornate fountain, he loudly cleared his throat to signal something to his brother. San nodded and turned around to keep a nonchalant post as Chan took Soyeon’s hand and led her somewhere about ten meters away.
“Do you remember this tree?”
Of course she did. This was the park where they first saw each other, right in front of this centuries-old oak. He even carved their initials on it saying his love for her would only cease to exist when this oak shriveled.
“Will you be mine until the oak tree dies, Yeon?” he flashed her a very modest silver ring.
Hearing the question she had been waiting for a lifetime, Soyeon’s heart skipped so many beats that she was sure she was going to die right at that very spot. She couldn’t utter the singular word she was screaming inside, so her response came in the form of a very tight hug instead. Chan knew he wasn’t supposed to act on impulse, not when it came to Soyeon, but when he held her face in his hands, he just… couldn’t resist it anymore.
He pressed his lips on hers for the very first time.
Oh, it was exactly as he had always been dreaming of. Like kissing a pair of clouds. Inhaling her jasmine scent as he moved deeper into her mouth, dangerous thoughts manifesting in his mind as her hands found each other behind his nape, and—
“Brother!”
The moment was suddenly shattered by San’s slightly panic-stricken voice.
A group of five men were approaching with leisurely steps. Both boys knew who they were thanks to their beloved mother. Every time she was desperate to fill her pipe again, similarly dressed ones would appear in their house to do unspeakable things to her. As they grew older and more violent, the visits became a lot more sparse to eventually come to a full stop. Even if they happened, it most certainly happened without their knowledge. Maybe their mother did not want murderers for sons.
They didn’t want an opium-addicted woman for a mother either, but it is what it is sometimes.
“San, take Soyeon home.”
Before they could even take three steps, they were blocked by five other men approaching from the opposite direction. Soyeon held onto San’s arm as they were all surrounded.
“Are you that fiend whore’s eldest son?” the one that looked like their leader directly addressed Chan.
“Who are you?”
“Tsk, wrong answer,” he approached even closer, “We are here to collect payment.”
“What payment? We don’t have any money.”
“You don’t have to have it, pretty boy,” he grinned to show his yellow teeth, “You are the money.”
They took one more step, and the two boys lunged at the men to absolutely no avail. Chan was getting beaten down to a pulp as San was already subdued in a headlock, the handle of a sword pressing hard against his throat. When he deemed the beating enough, the leader approached the older brother with extremely entertained chuckles.
“Were the theatrics really necessary?” he nudged his bruise-covered face with the tip of his shoe, then crouched to turn his head in San’s direction, “Now we’re gonna have to teach you a lesson you will never forget, brat.”
“Get away from h—!”
SLASH!
Soyeon’s screams pierced the night sky as San’s lifeless body dropped to the floor. They weren’t alone by any means; there were passersby around letting out terrified gasps, yet not one of them was doing anything, either scurrying away or watching the whole thing go down from shadows like it was a private performance. When two men forced Soyeon to stand up, her fear turned into absolute horror, making her wails suddenly stop.
“You either come with us,” the leader held a lock of Soyeon’s hair like it was delicate silk and deeply inhaled her scent, “Or I make sure Snow White becomes Blood Red.”
“DON’T TOUCH HER!!! I’LL DO WHAT YOU WANT JUST LET HER GO!!!”
“That’s more like it,” he broke into a satisfied smile and addressed his men, “Take him.”
They dropped Soyeon’s body limp with dread on the ground and pushed him towards a carriage waiting nearby. The second he stepped foot in there, Chan closed his eyes and started repeating the same sentence over and over again, either to wake himself up from a nightmare or as a prayer to save him from this hell.
This isn’t real. This isn’t real. This isn’t real. This isn’t real.
When he opened his eyes again, it was already daybreak outside. He couldn’t tell how many places they passed by; he had been to a lot of the towns close by, but he didn’t recognize anything he was looking at. When the carriage finally came to a halt, the man sitting next to him pushed him to move.
“Get out.”
As the crisp morning air fully woke him up, Chan was still trying to calculate where he could be, but his curiosity didn’t last very long. When he looked to his right down the street, he was met with the glorious sight of the palace in the distance.
They had made it to the fucking capital of the state.
“Ayuzawa! Your shipment has arrived,” one of the men banged on the door with too loud of a voice for this early in the morning.
The house they were standing before was a bit strange. It didn’t even look like a house. It was quite large like a dojo, and red bars separated the entrance from the street. There were seatings on either side of the short walkway with floor tables placed in front of them. About ten steps later was the door to the three-floor wooden building with curvy roofs.
“What even is this place?” Chan finally uttered his first words after hours.
The leader of the men walked in at long last and answered his question as he walked past.
“Your mother sold you to this house for her debts. You live here now.”
It was right at that moment that a part of his soul evanesced completely.
He had seen a lot of things over the years because of his mother’s filthy habit. He had endured a lot of things. Suffered and lost a lot of things. But the one thing he always kept telling himself was that she was their mother. She had given birth to them. He had thought there was a limit she wouldn’t cross. He had thought her sons would be the limit.
From that day onwards, he had a mother no more.
“Goodness gracious, what happened?!” the woman opening the door gasped at his sight and promptly escorted him in.
“He fell,” the leader answered from the door, “We have to set off. The payment.”
After sitting her arrival in front of the fireplace, Ayane returned to the entrance with a pouch filled with rons.
“He looks so young,” she quietly asked with worry, “How old is he?”
“He is the year of the dragon.”
“Only of nineteen winters? This is a boy!” she shrieked, “And he most certainly doesn’t look like he accepted to work here.”
“He doesn’t have a choice if he wishes to live.”
“I told you to ask around, Jinseok, not bring the first stray you saw on the street!”
“Listen, woman, we trade flesh and here you have several pounds of it. We are going to take this money from you whether you take him or not,” he spoke with a mixture of fatigue and exasperation, “You will be out five thousand rons and he will die on the street like a sick dog. The choice is yours.”
As the men left the teahouse, Ayane felt utterly helpless. She couldn’t ask this boy to take up the intended job, nor could she send him back to the street in good conscience. The poor thing looked miserable like a wounded puppy. She went to her bedchambers to pick up some supplies to clean his wounds as well as a pot of tea, then sat down right next to him.
“What is your name, my prince?” she poured him a cup.
He stayed quiet as he blankly stared into the fire, but his silence felt like he was screaming in her ears. Full of hatred. Full of resentment. Full of pain derived from the tears that he couldn’t cry for the life of him.
“But how else will I know what to call you?” she tilted her head to try and look into his eyes.
“Does it matter?” he scoffed, “Just give me a new one.”
“Do you not like your own name?”
Well, he used to. He loved hearing his name when Soyeon called it. It felt like it held some meaning then.
But now?
“There is no point in keeping it,” he took a deep breath as his gaze darted to his feet, “I’m not that man anymore.”
A man. Despite being so young, he indeed sounded like a man who had been through ten lives already. He carried himself like one. He was resigned like one, and it was the most unfair thing.
No one should have to be a man in the spring of their youth like this.
“I still wager your name is as beautiful as you are,” she warmly smiled at him, “Your future will build upon your today, will it not, my prince? There are many beautiful days ahead of you to mold you into a proper man.”
“Beautiful days?” he finally turned to face her, brows furrowed in sheer fury, “Do you even know what happened, lady?”
Ayane’s smile instantly faded when she looked into his eyes. Unfathomable amounts of pain were crawling in those soft browns. There were scars in them. There were pieces of his soul floating around like astray glass shards, ready to cut open anyone who dared come close.
“I watched my own flesh and blood slain before my eyes. I will never hold the girl I love again. On this very day, I wish to disappear. I wish to exist no more. I wish to leave everything behind, just pretend it was a nightmare and that life never existed in the first place, otherwise I will lose my mind, so PLEASE!!!” he clung to her like he wanted her to spare his life, eyes welled to the brim with tears too scared to fall, and beseeched in a trembling whisper, “Give me a name, I’m begging you.”
His hands were ice-cold like he had been out in the cold for hours. Maybe he was. Maybe when your life was stolen from you, you were forced to live a thousand winters in the blink of an eye. He may have been alive for only nineteen winters, but in a single evening, he had aged at least nineteen more.
“There was a soldier from the Westlands I used to know,” Ayane answered as she dripped antiseptic on a piece of cotton, “You remind me of him a lot.”
“Was he battered, broken, and morose?” he derisively snorted.
“No, he was handsome, brave, and very headstrong,” she touched the tip of his nose, then continued to clean his wounds, “I humbly think his name would suit a man like yourself.”
“You don’t even know me.”
“When you meet as many people as I have, you start seeing their souls through their eyes,” she caressed his cheek with the kind of motherly affection he never once received from his own, “And yours are like skies roaring with the most gut-wrenching thunders, my prince.”
Maybe she indeed possessed the ability she claimed to have after all because eerily enough, that was exactly how he was feeling.
“The men who brought me here,” he uttered somewhat hesitantly, “They said they trade flesh.”
“Yes?”
“I’ve never… I d–I don’t know… I can’t…” he struggled to find the correct words to get his point across, “I do not possess the necessary expertise to work at a teahouse.”
For the briefest moment, Ayane wanted to burst out laughing. Expertise, he said. If only he knew that kind of expertise was not something to arrive with, but rather develop under this very roof, even make a reputation for if you were good enough.
“You will not be doing anything of the sort. Maybe in a few years if you wish to,” she tried to suppress her endearment at how fast he completed the rest of that sentence out of obvious embarrassment, “For now, you will just help me and your older brothers here run some errands, okay?”
As he nodded, she gathered her supplies as well as all the cotton she used and rose to her feet.
“Why don’t you go take a bath? Wash your fatigue off of you. I have prepared your room at the very back of the corridor.”
“I have… a room?” he looked at her with genuine surprise.
“Why, of course.”
She showed him where the bathhouse was and left him to collect himself, however much he could in this state. When he reemerged in linen night robes afterwards, he seemed a lot calmer and indeed looked more like the prince he was. No amount of bruises could overshadow the unique beauty he possessed.
He was surely going to break a lot of hearts someday.
“Forgive me for not asking sooner,” he abashedly asked as he got under the duvet, “What is your name, my lady?”
“Lady is for other kinds of people. You may call me Madam Aya,” she responded with her usual coziness, “Sleep as much as you want. I will be in the next room if you need anything.”
“Thank you.”
Ayane’s heart broke into a million pieces. This young man’s life was in ruins, yet he was still thanking her. She was filled with this inexplicable affection towards him. Who knows, maybe if she had a son of her own, it would feel like this, too.
Maybe that was why she unwittingly named him after the man who would be her brother-in-law if life was the slightest bit of fair.
“Sleep well, Christopher,” she blew out the candle right next to the door and quietly slid it close.
SOMETHING TO DIE FOR
➥ An unexpected guest walks into the Garden of Yen, and no good can possibly come out of it.
➥ 3.2k (~13 min. read)
⚠ — Explicit sexual content (see masterlist for more)
A loyal subject does not serve two kings.
Three men floating in their hakamas entered the room barefoot, one in the front and two following suit. The Tatsumura silk robes on their back were so loose that they framed their shamelessly bare chests perfectly, each one sculpted by the gods with extreme care to be gawked at with mouths agape for hours on end. They stopped in the middle of the room, got on both knees, and bowed in reverence to all the women before them like each of them was a queen from a foreign land.
“Good evening,” the one in the front uttered on behalf of his fellow hosts, seducing the entire room with a single look, “Thank you very much for gracing us with your presence tonight.”
These men weren’t gisaengs. They weren’t traditionally trained artists selling their skills with the peace of mind that their honor would still be intact at the end of a workday. These were changnams. Their artistry lay in much more depraved domains, yet in the eyes of the public, they were nothing more than simple manwhores.
The hushed whispers speculating what they were capable of were their bread and butter. Some were very accurate depictions whereas some were wildly blown out of proportion just to feed the rumor mill, inducing this raging urge in everybody to penetrate that cocoon of mystery to see for themselves if there was any truth to it. Because there were no consequences. Because they knew these men were sworn to secrecy as if they were holding state secrets between their sinful lips.
Well, if you thought about it, the nooks of a woman were state secrets. So was knowing exactly where to touch to make her toes curl really hard.
The residents of this town, men and women alike, owed a lot to Ayuzawa Ayane. Their Madam Aya. When she fled from Kyoto, she also brought a touch of forbidden beauty with her. She was the reason why everybody incorrectly referred to the pleasure district as the hanamachi now. Where the flowerfolk lived—the infernally beautiful people one could only dream of touching in their wildest dreams unless they had enough rons in their pockets.
Of course the double standards would know no language. Even back in Ayane’s homeland, the teahouses solely existed to serve men—to entertain them, to break them free of the shackles of their arranged marriages, to provide them with an illusion that a secret world where they were deliriously desired by alluring elegant women existed. But only desired. No one was supposed to act on it. Not if you were in legitimate establishments.
Nevertheless, it still came as a culture shock to her to hear how much of a grave sin it was to be an unchaste woman on this soil. If you were unmarried, it was expected to stay untouched. If you were married, however, then you were supposed to behave and wait for your husband to come back from yet another expedition, whom you were lucky enough to see maybe for a week before he was deployed again.
…and stay that way if he died trying to expand the boundaries of this great nation because a loyal woman did not serve two men.
When you had a plant sitting in some corner of the house, even the most resistant one needed to be cared for, no? It still needed sunlight. It still needed water. Even a cactus would eventually shrivel and die if you ignored it long enough.
That was how Ayane started procuring men into her own teahouse to exclusively serve the ladies left to rot in the dungeon of their fate. All it took was a loophole. If no one fucked them, they could still go on with their lives as chaste women simply visiting teahouses to enjoy a drink.
And get their pussies licked until the hot flesh of a young man reminded them once again what it was like to be a woman.
The merchandise was displayed by the entrance behind red bars like handmade straw hats at a market to attract patrons. They wouldn’t just sit there and look pretty, but rather socialize among themselves as they would at some watering hole, drinking, smoking pipes, and being playful with each other, boldly calling out to every passerby who piqued their interest. Catcalling was not considered an offense in the hanamachi. People came to this place to relish the disrespect, to feel it in their bones that an impossibly good-looking foul-mouthed man was lusting after them.
“How much for the hour?”
“Twenty rons, but you’re so fucking beautiful I’ll let you bed me for five, angel.”
Then an interested patron would point at their choice, and their designated host would escort them inside for an unforgettable night. With guaranteed satisfaction.
A loyal woman does not serve two men.
Good, because she wasn’t serving anyone. Any two men of her choice would serve her.
The act itself might have been lewd, but the path to seduction was always graceful. There was a subtle art to it. They would converse first. He would pour her drinks and recite odes to her intoxicating beauty. Feed her fruit and compare the taste to her sweet lips. Treat her like a princess he devoted his entire life to, ready to die for her at a moment’s notice. Then he would proceed to pleasure her out of her mind. Rapture so addictive every single one of these ladies would have no choice but to keep coming back for more.
It was a matter of taste, of course. Some of them just paid to watch a ravishing man pleasure himself. Or other women. Or other men. Whatever their heart hungered, the Garden of Yen had just the thing to feed it to satiation.
That Thursday night, the lanterns all over the hanamachi glowed crimson like an invitation in a sumptuous red envelope, luring everybody in the vicinity like moths to a flame. The Garden was as busy as ever with all its entertainers tending to multiple patrons at once, intermittent gusts of laughter overflowing through its sliding doors.
“Stop it, wangjanim!” the beautiful girl sprawled comfortably on her host’s lap shyly giggled, “You will give me a heart attack.”
“You really think of me as your prince?” he pressed his lips on the sliver of bare skin on her neck, making her shudder with each small kiss he graced her with, “Will my mistress think of me just as honorably when I taste her like a rabid animal?”
“Speaking amatory words does not a gisaeng make, you know.”
“Nor do I wish to become one,” he mischievously chuckled, “Do you know why we tie our sashes in the front while gisaengs do it in the back?”
The man put his mistress’ hand on the already loose piece of cloth to encourage her to pull on it. The three women sitting across them moved even closer to each other with bated breath, eyes growing wider like they were watching a censorworthy play of a torrid love affair.
“For you to undo it with ease,” he inhaled a long whiff of her cherry blossom scent, “So that my mistress can gaze at my body whenever she wishes.”
As soon as he finished that whisper of a sentence, all four women squealed as if each of them were the intended addressee of that little confession, and it took a true professional to hold back the endeared laughter that would otherwise slip out.
The delicate glass aura pulsating with different shades of titillation immediately shattered when the front door brutally slid open. A woman escorted by four burly men behind her walked in, filling the room to the brim with winter air as cold as her face. Rather than the complete lack of manners, it was her mere existence that turned everyone into stone because there wasn’t a single soul who didn’t know who she was.
“Lady Jaein,” Ayane welcomed the guest with a polite bow, her demeanor way too calm for a pseudo-raid, “Such an honor.”
“Well, well, well. Enjoying a bit of evening tea, are we? Don’t let us interrupt,” Jaein scanned the faces in the room one by one, her demoniac smile in stark contrast with Ayane’s, then whispered to her, “Bring the red-blooded swain to the back. I shall have a word with you both.”
“My lady, he is currently attendi—”
“I said… bring in… the whore,” she clenched her teeth with impatience, “I do not particularly enjoy repeating myself.”
She headed towards the private chambers with stern steps with her apes following right behind her. She picked the biggest room at the end of the hall with zero regard to the space being occupied or not as if she owned the place. Well, technically she did—everything was the Daesan’s property and Lady Jaein was his main liaison. As she made herself comfortable inside, the men positioned themselves by the door, two on the outside and two on the inside. Mere moments later, the door opened again, and the Madam of the teahouse walked in with her person of interest.
“Honorable Jaein,” the young man did a full bow like she was his most frequent patron, “Thank you for gracing our humble residence.”
“Ah, the brown-eyed wangjanim everybody’s talking about,” Jaein grabbed a red apple from the bowl in front of her and sank her teeth into it with a crunch so crisp it made her own ears ring, “You are indeed as beautiful as the rumors say.”
“My lady flatters me,” he politely nodded.
“Approach.”
He rose to his feet and walked towards the futon with light steps, not even making a single floorboard creak. Jaein tilted her head and started scrutinizing every teensy detail on him, from his sharp features to his broad shoulders, all the way down to his perfectly tended feet.
“You are the import, right?” she pointed at him, “What was your name again?”
“It’s Christopher, my lady.”
“Well, you certainly don’t look foreign,” she creased her brows in suspicion, “Didn’t know Aya had mutts under her roof. Don’t you have a last name?”
“We are all sworn to the house of Ayuzawa, my lady.”
“Tsk, no, you are all sworn to our lord,” she wagged her finger in disapproval, “Let us not confuse the facts here.”
“Of course,” he bowed so deep that his forehead almost touched the futon, “My most profound apologies.”
“I have heard of your exploits,” Jaein put the half-eaten apple back, “So tell me, does your fabled virility have merit to it?”
With every passing second, this interrogation seemed to be getting odder. In all these years, Lady Jaein had never visited the teahouse once—not even for an audit let alone as a patron. She clearly had some underhanded motive to be here, but neither Aya nor Chris could put their fingers on it other than the fact that it was about to be something very unsettling.
“Is it true you can please a woman of any age?” she scooted closer to him, her grin growing sleazier.
Under normal circumstances, Chris would have replied to this with something extremely heart-fluttering, but this woman reeked of evil. There wasn’t a shred of willingness in him to humor her, but he was going to play along to the extent he could stomach and repel this human embodiment of a dark omen from his literal home. For Ayane’s sake.
“Our patrons are indeed of various maturity, my lady.”
Jaein busted out a cackle so loud that Ayane flinched in her place in the corner she had retreated to.
“Did your madam teach you how to be this political? I swear I will snatch you to serve in the council at this rate,” she let out a sigh once her laughter died down, “You know how to speak. I like that.”
Then out of nowhere, she spread her legs, removed her undergarments, and shamelessly exposed herself to him.
“Prove it then.”
No hesitation. She didn’t ask the people in the room to leave. She didn’t even acknowledge their existence. Ayane’s astonishment had rendered her completely stiff and mute whereas Chris was trying to ascertain whether this insane woman was indeed serious. Although it wasn’t uncommon to take an audience at the teahouse, he had never done it himself, naturally clueless about the protocol to follow here. He couldn’t tell what the hell she was playing at, but he was sure of one thing.
This was a test.
Not only that, it was a test with dire consequences, and for some reason, it was imperative that he passed. He closed his eyes, shut his brain down, lowered himself between her legs, and transformed himself into the only thing he knew how to be.
A changnam.
Throughout his quasi-career, Chris never once pictured a conventionally beautiful woman when he was pleasuring a patron. Each one deserved his full attention because he knew why these women were essentially visiting the teahouse. They were lonely. They wanted company, and the pleasures of the flesh were just a byproduct. This was a solid fact filtered through years of experience, hundreds of trials and errors. How many times did he attempt to segue into being physical but they wanted to prolong their little game where he assumed the role of an admirer whispering sweet nothings into their ear? How many times did he witness them giving up on bedding him altogether just to be able to talk to him for an hour more?
Turns out it was true. There really was a first for everything, and he was experiencing it between the legs of Lady Jaein, fantasizing about several of his patrons waiting for him inside all at once. His mind didn’t quite register whose moans were hitting his ears as he licked on her flesh. Even the taste was so unfamiliar. It wasn’t the piquant aroma of a woman aroused on his tongue; he felt like he was chewing on poison ivy.
As far as he was concerned, it was the brunette’s soaked entrance he was licking into. It was the redhead’s glistening folds he was coating with his saliva. It was the blonde’s clit he was engorging in his mouth with rapid-fire flicks. The lady with stardust all over her collarbones was asking him to go faster. The woman who harbored the most beautiful night sky under her skin was telling him that she was about to cum.
And as much as he was imagining other faces, Jaein was also seeing someone else behind her eyelids when she violently climaxed. Her one and only. The only man that would own her soul for all eternity.
The only man who had ever touched her prior to this night.
“You are something else after all,” she stupidly chuckled to herself, wits barely intact after getting her soul sucked out of her, “If this were a casual visit, you would be tipped very generously for your performance, but we are on official business.”
Getting herself licked to orgasm was official business? What the hell would have even happened if this was to be a casual visit then?!
“You have been appointed to our lord the great Deasan’s bedchambers,” she informed him while fixing herself.
When Ayane’s mouth parted for a looming protest, Chris immediately shot a look that urged, Keep it together. Everybody knew of Honorable Jaein’s insanity, and the Daesan was allegedly even crazier judging by all the tales about him circulating the town. Whatever they wanted, they would get, and standing in their way without being slain was just laughable to even think about.
“The teahouse relies on my presence to stay afloat, my lady,” Chris spoke with full composure, “I would like to assume Madam Aya will be compensated commensurate with the duration of my temporary absence?”
“Why, yes, for starters we do not kill anyone. Is that enough compensation?” Jaein derided, “And I do not remember saying anything about temporary.”
“You are taking him away for good?” Ayane finally cracked, “But Lady Jaein—!”
“Silence!” she immediately shushed her, “Your little teahouse exists because the Daesan lets you. Time for you to pull your weight in serving our lord properly.”
“Please!” Ayane threw herself at Jaein’s feet, “Please, my lady, do not do this!”
“Am I hearing this right?” Jaein contorted her face in sheer contempt, “You are… upset instead of being crazed with joy?”
One snap of her fingers, and Chris jumped to his feet on instinct when the men by the door drew their swords all at once, awaiting their orders to kill. Jaein kneeled down and held the sobbing woman’s grief-stricken gaze.
“Do you have any objection to the Daesan’s wish, Madam Aya?”
Well… Whatever they wanted, they would get. At any cost. There wasn’t anything to do or say. There wasn’t a compromise to be made. This wasn’t a wish to be fulfilled.
This was a death sentence. And it was irreversible.
“It’s okay,” Chris reassured the poor woman petrified with fear, helping her get up to her feet, and even though he attempted to smile, he couldn’t help how broken his lips rendered it, “Wouldn’t be the first time I’m sold to flesh traders.”
Jaein stared daggers at him in absolute silence for three seconds, then let out her most maniacal laughter so far.
“Selling indicates money exchanging hands, handsome,” she took two steps back towards the futon, “You are not sold. You are lucky to have this absolute honor bestowed upon you.”
Then she grabbed the knife stabbed into an apple in the fruit bowl and pointed it at his face.
“And if you use flesh trader and our lord in the same sentence one more time, I will gouge your beautiful brown eyes out,” she widened her eyes like an absolute lunatic, “Move. The palanquin is waiting outside.”
“M–My lady, his possessions…”
“What possessions?” Jaein turned to Ayane with blank eyes like she legitimately didn’t follow, “From today onwards, he is a possession himself.”
When she pushed Chris on the back to start walking, he briefly contemplated choking this woman to death, and if he knew for a fact that nothing would happen to Ayane, he would do it. As the party of six walked across the main hall under curious gazes, Chris tried his utmost best to say a silent goodbye to everyone he could make eye contact with and entered the palanquin with unmitigated tranquility as if this was tonight’s plan all along, Jaein following right behind him. The vehicle immediately took off, and Ayane stood there in the middle of the snow-covered road, watching it shrink into a dot in the distance through her tears turning into crystals.
“Don’t look that sullen,” Jaein urged Chris, “You will see in due time that this is in fact something to die for.”
Yes, it took a little getting used to when the rails of his life were forcibly switched the first time, but Chris had thought that was it. That the worst had passed and he could only go up from there.
Something to die for.
Was that really necessary when he barely had something to live for?
➥ Prompt(s) requested (Current run)
· 176: Hey, you awake?
· 127: We’re… just friends.
· 111: We’re not just friends and you know it.
⚠ — Free use-adjacent arrangement (see masterlist for cw policy)
➥ All you ever do is have sex after petty schemes, and he is tired of it.
“Keep it the fuck… down! I have work in the morning!”
“JESUS F— CLOSE THE DOOR!!!”
No, you won’t because this is the sure way to make his bitches bounce. You listen to the commotion of the girl hurriedly leaving from the comfort of your room, contently chuckling to yourself. The front door slams close, and you start counting.
Five… Four… Three… Two…
“You’d better make that shit up to me,” he storms in and threateningly points at you, “I was about to finish. Are blue balls a fucking joke to you?!”
It actually kinda is because he performs his best when he’s that feral.
“Stop bitching, geez,” you feign a pretty convincing annoyance, “We can fuck if you’re on top. I’m not moving a muscle.”
“Oh, you’re gonna move a lot of muscles,” he towers over you and pulls your shorts down.
“Not even gonna get me wet first?” you scoff as he spreads your legs, “Some gentleman you are.”
He cocks a brow, rubs his fingers on your pussy, and perfectly demonstrates how they glisten.
“You mean like this?” he separates his fingers to show you the wet trail between them, then lowers his face to whisper against your lips, “I know you listen to me fuck.”
His methods are a lot more subtle, not because he is a gentleman but because he is fucking diabolical. Unlike you, he is always so friendly towards your prospective conquests, then proceeds to render them fully out of commission through various means of intoxication.
This is the fifth guy you’ve sent home because of him.
“Hey!” you bang his door open like he owes you money, “You awake, mate?!”
“No.”
“Whatever. I don’t need you awake for this.”
It works to your benefit that he sleeps naked. You climb on the bed and turn him on his back. There is such a smug grin on his face that it sets your teeth on edge.
“What happened?” he clasps his hands under his nape, watching you crawl between his legs in absolute delight, “He couldn’t get it up?”
“You fed him drinks the entire night, asshole,” you spit on his cock and start stroking him.
“That’s payback for making my date pass out on the couch with your little barmaid shenanigans.”
“What date? You were never going to see her again!”
“What if I was?”
You peel the gigantic t-shirt you stole from him off of you, and his pleased smile instantly vanishes. His lips part as if he’s seeing tits for the first time. He twitches so hard in your palm that it makes you smirk.
“Who cares?” you drag your tongue from his shaft up to his tip, “She could never fuck you like I do.”
You take his entire length down your throat, and his life flashes before his eyes. Even if it’s for your own interests, you pleasure him so intensely that he feels like the king of the world.
How fast he gets hard for you kinda strokes your ego.
“You’re damn right she couldn’t,” he suddenly sits up and pulls you close, “Come here.”
His tip grazes against your soaked entrance when you straddle him, and it sends a shudder down his spine. He feels high as he disappears into you. One hand on your waist, the other on your back, he starts fucking you so hard you would fly off the bed if he wasn’t pinning you in place. His lips are all over your neck, kissing you raw as you claw at his shoulders.
“Do it like last time,” you press your palms on the mattress and lean back.
He spits on your clit and starts rubbing it as he picks up his pace. The way you look so drunk on him gets to his head bad and he switches to beast mode, transitioning from ardent to relentless instantaneously. You cum so hard that he feels you gushing on his cock, then swiftly pulls you back up to fuck you to his orgasm with his face buried in the crook of your neck.
The room is quiet when the heavy breathing recedes, but the voices in his head won’t let him be. It’s a thought that has long stopped being fleeting; it’s made a permanent residence in his heart before he knew it.
“I want more,” he suddenly ruptures the silence.
“Of what?” you turn to him confused.
“Of you,” he continues without a beat, “You can’t stand it when I bring someone home, can you?”
“That’s because you keep sabotaging my dick appointments!”
“You own an entire store’s worth of toys but you always come to me,” he confronts, “You want me, too.”
“I want your body, there’s a difference,” you kick the sheets off to get up, “I thought sneaking into your bed would have tipped you off.”
“Stop lying to yourself, for fuck’s sake!” he pulls you back before your feet touch the ground, “Look me in the eye and tell me you feel absolutely nothing for me.”
You feel a hard kick in your chest, and you’re scared he can hear it. Absolutely nothing is a stretch. Of course you feel things for him. You’ve been feeling them for a long time, but the timing sucks and he’s your roommate and you’re…
“We’re… just friends,” you stare at your hands.
“We’re not just friends and you know it,” he raises his voice a tinge, “You sleep in my bed three nights a week.”
So? That’s the definition of friends with benefits. You get along, you have a good time, then you go your separate ways. That’s the way it is.
Then why is he looking at you with so much sorrow in his eyes? Why is he holding your hand tight like you’re going to dissipate otherwise?
“I know I’m broken beyond repair,” he caresses your face, “but every time we kiss, I feel the shards glue back together.”
Then he presses his lips on yours and the dam fucking bursts. Every I love you you’ve ever swallowed translates itself into kisses. You take shelter in his embrace, and he lets out a hearty chuckle.
“In case you didn’t notice,” he kisses the crown of your head, “you kinda give me heart eyes.”
Your stupid pride won’t let you say it to his face.
⎡ In a city fuelled by greed and ambition, secrets are a currency. Yet here you are, gambling yours away on a captivating smile.⎤
⌁ pairing; boxer!chan x curvy!reader (f.)
⌁ genre; boxing au, s2l, angst, smut, 18+
⌁ word count; 29.1k
⌁ summary; You’re just a runner. So why the hell are you straddling the lap of an undefeated boxer, massaging his chest and whispering secrets you have no right knowing? Oh, yeah— ‘cause he’s hot.
⌁ warnings; dark themes: mentions and depictions of graphic gang activity, possession and distribution of drugs, addictions, use of deadly weapons, violence, blood, gore, and death threats, explicit sex: dom!chan, sub!reader, daddy kink, size kink, multiple orgasms, ruined orgasm, oral (f. receiving), unprotected sex, rough sex, voyeurism, exhibitionism, overstimulation, degradation, dirty talk, handjob, thigh riding, spanking, face slapping (m. receiving), rimming, fingering, edging, manhandling, gun play, anal play, cum play, spit play
⌁ 🎧 now playing... ✩
❥ i want to give special thanks to jen ( @anobodyslove ) for being so patient with me and reading this monster of a fic over! 💕 and @awrkives for the most amazing banner! 💗
❥ and happy birthday to my channie! here's to another year of unhinged love letters. 🐺🖤
!! the following story contains mature themes, including mentions and graphic depictions of racketeering, gang activity, weapons, drugs, violence, blood, gore, and death threats. please do not read nor interact if these themes cause you discomfort !!
Dusk is a medley of tangerine and indigo. Peachy rays of the sun shine between drifting clouds. A quartered shadow of the moon makes a premature appearance. You breathe in the early October air, eyes fluttering shut with the exhale. Clutching onto the balcony’s rickety railing, the rusted metal so cold on your bare hands, you fill your lungs again, taking deep, slow breaths.
The world stops spinning. The muffled music, once pounding against your temples, fades away. Body steady, you sip on the fresh air and swallow away your nausea.
I can do this, you tell yourself. Just one last drop off. I hand it over and leave.
They probably won’t even recognise you. You let your hair grow past your shoulders and dyed it strawberry blonde. You changed your style, trading your baby pink and blue matching sets for muted mixtures of red and black. Fishnets, little gym shorts, a graphic KISS babydoll tee and an oversized, knock-off fur coat you nicked from a local bodega weeks ago, you transformed yourself into someone new.
KEEP READING
note; please do not leave hate towards me or any other reader. please do not copy, repost, or translate any of my work.
☆ summary : when two estranged best friends meet again at their friends' wedding, an old spark reignites. You swear to yourself that you won't fall for Hyunjin again, until alcohol blurs the line between you two. Is it your fault if you find yourself drowning in the familiarity that is him?
☆ pairing: Hyunjin x female reader
☆rating: 18+ (technically 13+? There is no smut just lots of fluff)
☆genre: best friends to strangers to lovers, idol!au; fluff, some slight angst
☆warnings: mention of cheating, Hyunjin be a ghost, alcohol consumption
☆word count: 18.7k words
☆a/n: Sooo, yes I do write for both stray kids and bts. I really love this fic and I hope you guys will love it just as muuuch✨ enjoy your reading! Also I wrote this 2 years ago so obviously my writing has changed a lot but I hope you still like it!!
☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
Prologue – five years ago
The smell of fresh rain on pavement filled your senses as you walked, legs moving in almost a half jog as you made your way to Hyunjin’s place. The hot summer air was rendered colder by the rain, and you quickened your pace as the rain doubled up.
It was unlike Hyunjin to invite you over at this time of the night, so unlike him that you had found you couldn’t say no. It was true that you had… sort of avoided him for the last week. Ever since Hangyeol had asked you out and you had said yes, to be precise.
The distant rumble of thunder had you moving into a quick sprint, right as Hyunjin’s house came into view. Though you loved the summer storms, you knew better than to stay outside when lightning was cutting through the sky.
You ran to the door, grabbing your phone to text Hyunjin that you were there. Though it was unnecessary, as the door immediately swung open in front of you.
“Hey”, Hyunjin said, moving aside to let you walk in.
“You better have a good reason for making me come here in this weather”, you said as a greeting, while Hyunjin shut the door behind you. You took off your shoes to put on slippers, before turning to look at your best friend.
“Let’s go to the playroom, I don’t want my parents to know you’re here.”
You furrowed your brows – the Hwangs had known you for a few years now, and had always liked you.
“Why?” you asked, unable to help yourself.
Hyunjin seemed to fidget for a moment, clearly uncomfortable under your gaze.
“What’s wrong with you?” you enquired, brows knit together.
“What’s wrong with you?” he asked, and he ran a hand through his hair anxiously.
Oh. So this was about Hangyeol.
“Let’s go to the playroom”, you repeated his words, walking around Hyunjin towards the sliding door that led to the small inner court of the house. The playroom was on the other side of the small court, and it sort of was your usual hang out spot with the rest of your friends.
You both took off your slippers as you stepped outside, grabbing them in your hands before you ran to the other side of the court as the storm had finally hit. Once you got into the playroom, you dried your feet on the carpet near the entrance, before putting your slippers back on and heading into the room proper. You sat in the L-shaped couch, Hyunjin’s foot tapping on the ground as you looked at him and an awkward silence filled the air around you.
“What’s wrong?” you asked once you couldn’t bear the silence anymore.
“Why have you been avoiding me?” Hyunjin blurted out.
“I haven’t?”
“Oh.”
Another silence moved in the room, only interrupted by the tick of the clock on the wall.
This was unlike you. So unlike you that you felt dread moving through your blood.
“There’s something I need to tell you”, Hyunjin eventually said, his eyes meeting yours.
You pursed your lips, biting the inside of your bottom cheek. “What’s up?”
His foot started moving even faster, as he ran a hand through his hair. “Fuck, this is harder than I thought it would be.”
“What are you talking about?” you asked, even though you were starting to understand where this was heading to.
Hyunjin let out a nervous chuckle. “I don’t know. Jihoon-ah forced me to do this.”
As Hyunjin fell silent, you tilted your head to the side. “Do what?”
He looked away, his eyes falling on the painting that you had made with the rest of your group of friends a few months before. “I know you’ve started talking to Hangyeol. And before it’s too late, you need to know that I have feelings for you.”
He punctuated the end of his declaration with your name, uttered in a whisper that barely even reached your ears. It had the effect of a cold shower on you, and a stunned silence was all you were able to offer him.
“I… I know I’m a trainee and I don’t really have the time to… to give you what you deserve. But please don’t go with Hangyeol. He’s the worst.”
“You don’t get to tell me not to be with Hangyeol”, you let out. “Why are you telling me this now?”
Hyunjin gulped, wetting his lips. “Because he’s going to treat you like shit. He cheated on his ex.”
“They were together for two weeks, they barely even were a couple”, you said, your tone raising. “Why do you care?”
“I told you. I have feelings for you, I don’t want to see you get your heart broken.”
Little did he know that his words were breaking your heart right now. “Jinnie, you don’t get to tell me you have feelings for me. I moved on from you.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“A year ago? At Seonhwa’s birthday dinner”, you said, trying to explain, but not really wanting to.
Not when he was fidgeting twice more in front of your eyes, and you felt as if he was slipping through your fingers.
“I was dumb”, he let out. “But now that you’re graduated I thought…”
“What did you think?” you asked. “That I was going to crawl back to you?”
You didn’t know why you were as angry as you were. All you knew was that the more he looked distressed, the angrier you were growing.
“You’re my best friend, nuna, I’m not talking about crawling just… I’ve been a trainee for a year now and you’re always there to support me… I was stupid last year.”
“Fuck that, you asked me to just be friends and we are now, why are you screwing that up?”
“Why am I? You’re the one who decided to pursue Hangyeol”, Hyunjin spat, his tone finally meeting the venom in yours.
You scoffed. “Hangyeol already asked me out and I said yes, Jinnie, it’s too little too late.”
A stunned silence met your words, as Hyunjin just looked at you, lips slightly parted in surprise.
Not the positive kind of surprise.
“Don’t look at me like that”, you said, crossing your arms on your chest as you glanced away. Looking at that painting, and at the memories that it held.
“You’re dating him?” he asked, voice small, after a few more seconds of silence.
You sighed deeply, slightly shaking your head. “I am. You’re just my best friend, Hyunjin-ah, and that doesn’t have to change…”
“I don’t want to watch you get played by fucking Hangyeol, of all people.”
“Then you should have been honest to me before!” you exclaimed. “You shouldn’t have waited until I was with someone else…”
“I didn’t think you’d be with someone else! I thought… I thought we’d figure it out.”
“Fuck that, we had nothing to figure out, you’re just my best friend”, you said, repeating your earlier words.
“I know, I got it”, he said, shutting his eyes as he clenched his jaw. “No need to repeat it.”
“It hurts, uh?” you said bitterly. “To be told that.”
He glanced at you, though his eyes avoided your gaze. “Can you please just calm down?”
You scoffed. “Calm down? Please, you made me come here at midnight to tell me that you have feelings for me when I’m already dating someone else, what were you expecting?”
“Not that, honestly.” He finally met your gaze, and your heart broke at the pain in his eyes. “Not that at all.”
Your mouth fell open as you tried to find a retort but came up short. All you could think about was the way your heart was constricting in your chest, and the fact that you couldn’t quite breathe.
“Let’s take a few days to think about it”, Hyunjin said. “Just please consider it.”
“I won’t”, you said. “I don’t need to think about it, I’m perfectly happy with Hangyeol.”
“You barely know him.”
“And now you’re making me feel as if I barely know you. Did you really think I was going to wait for you? You said you wanted to be friends.”
He wet his lips again, his eyes scanning your features. “I needed time, I guess.”
“It was too long”, you said, shrugging your shoulders. “It’s getting late, I should go home.”
He breathed your name. “Please stay. Let’s just talk it out.”
You shook your head. “You’re the last person I want to talk to right now. Just leave me and Hangyeol alone.”
“So, you’re just going to drop our friendship like that?”
“No, I won’t. We’ll pretend tonight never happened and things will go back to how they were before.”
“I told you I don’t want to see you get your heart broken”, he said, voice small.
“Who says I’m going to get my heart broken?” you asked. “Just give him a chance.”
Hyunjin remained silent for a while, holding your gaze. You found you couldn’t quite read the expression on his face anymore, and it scared you shitless.
“If that’s what you want.”
*****
Present day
You stood behind Seonhwa, your hands a little clammy, as Jihoon was reading his vows.
Your friends’ wedding was a grand affair, one you had been expecting for quite some time now, as the two of them had been dating for what seemed like forever now. As the maid of honour, you had helped to prepare the wedding for months and to see everything going on perfectly felt quite gratifying.
Though, the sight of Jihoon’s best man made you feel… strange inside.
Hyunjin was dashing in his suit, blond hair styled in a man bun, piercing gaze moving from the couple to you every once in a while. Each time your eyes met, you felt as if your heart had forgotten how to beat.
You hadn’t seen each other in… well, years now. Though you had remained friends after that dreadful fight, you had lost touch as Hyunjin had debuted and grown distant with the whole group of friends. Or just you, apparently, if he was still Jihoon’s best man. An information Seonhwa had kept from you.
The ceremony moved on, and you tried to pay attention to it, ignoring the old ache in your chest every time Hyunjin looked at you.
You had been best friends, once. Until you had started dating your ex, and Hyunjin had confessed his feelings for you in the hope that you were not going to pursue your relationship with Hangyeol. Which honestly would have been the right thing to do, had you known any better.
Things had changed after that, and you had lost Hyunjin on your birthday the year he had debuted. He had ghosted you, actually. Had said he was going to meet you at the restaurant and had never shown up. Never answered any of your texts after that either.
Losing him had been sour, but back then you had Hangyeol, and you were happy with him. Or rather you had thought that you were happy.
After the ceremony, you moved into the reception hall, as your friends had decided to have a reception, a rare thing in Korea. The hall was a wide room decorated with plants and tall chandeliers, a room that looked straight out of a fairytale, if you were being honest. Especially with the soft fairy lights that were illuminating the place, and the crystal centerpiece that laid on each table. A long rectangular table held the presents that had been gifted to the bride and groom, even though most people had gifted money. Another long rectangular table was waiting for you all, at the end of the room.
Well, for Seonhwa, Jihoon, Hyunjin and you. The old squad, reunited after years apart.
“Have you talked to Hyunjin yet?” Seonhwa asked in ushered tones as you walked arm in arm towards your seats.
“Focus on your husband”, you reprimanded, though your eyes trailed to Hyunjin’s back.
“I can’t believe I’m married”, Seonhwa let out, looking down at the ring on her finger.
You chuckled, but you didn’t have time to talk more as you made it to your seats.
Soon enough, food was distributed, and you started eating, as the chatter of the guests filled the room with a euphoric buzz. Once dinner was over and the speeches were said, music replaced the conversation, and dancing ensued. You remained aside, looking over the evening, making sure that everything went smoothly, from the cake to the pictures.
As the night advanced, you found your maid of honour duties to finally be over, leaving you with… nothing to do but to watch the people partying and drinking. Soon enough, you found a glass in your hand, and you too indulged into the alcohol, as you watched Seonhwa and Jihoon partying as if there was no tomorrow.
“Hey”, a voice said beside you, and you didn’t have to look at the person to know who it was.
“Hey”, you let out.
You didn’t speak for a time, watching as your friends fell into a slow dance as a ballad replaced the lively beat that was playing a moment before.
“How… have you been doing?” Hyunjin asked.
You steeled yourself before glancing at him. He was much more beautiful up close, especially in the dim light. He looked… ethereal.
“I’ve been great”, you replied, politely, before your eyes moved back to the couples on the dancefloor. “How have you been doing?”
“Great”, he said. “I… it’s crazy to think that Seonhwa and Jihoon are married, uh?”
A small smile moved on your lips. “It is. We always knew that they were going to marry, though.”
“We did. Didn’t we make bets about it?”
You met his gaze again, your smile widening at the memories that filled your mind. “We did. You said they would have a kid before they married, didn’t you?”
Hyunjin chuckled. “I did. Seems like you won the bet.”
Eyes sparkling, you nodded. “I have. What was the winner supposed to get?”
“Wasn’t it a lifetime supply of bungeoppang or something of the sort?” he said.
“That, and the painting in your parents’ playroom.” You laughed as Hyunjin’s eyes widened.
“Right. Not our best work, though”, he said.
You shrugged. “You’re the only one of us who actually knew how to paint, it was to be expected.”
“You got paint all over my mother’s carpet”, Hyunjin recalled. “I had to buy a new one before she noticed.”
You laughed as your eyes moved back to your friends. “You didn’t want to move it, it was your fault.”
“Mmh, maybe”, Hyunjin let out, nodding slightly. “At least she didn’t notice.”
“Do you remember when we burned it? It smelled so bad!”
“It did.” He nodded as he put his hands in his pockets. “We were lucky we weren’t caught.”
“We really were. I think your mom would have hated me forever”, you said, a pensive look taking over your features as you recalled his mother.
You hadn’t seen the woman in forever.
“My mom has always loved you, she wouldn’t have batted an eyelash.” He shrugged as you met his gaze, an eyebrow cocked quizzically. “Trust me, as long as she hadn’t thought me responsible, we would have been good.”
“Right.”
Silence moved around you, and you took a sip of your glass.
“How’s work going?” he asked, words aimed to fill a silence you knew he wasn’t comfortable in.
“Great! I mean, I’ve published my first book”, you said shyly, avoiding his gaze.
He wet his lips. “I know, I’ve read it.”
Your eyes widened as you looked up to meet his gaze. “You have?”
He chuckled at the look on your face. “I rather liked Chung Hee. He kind of felt similar.”
You knew you had turned completely red when he started laughing.
“I… uh… right”, you let out, fumbling on your words. “I hope you didn’t mind.”
“No, on the contrary”, he said. “I liked it. Chung Hee and Cha Young’s ending was better than ours, though.”
“I didn’t want to write a book with a sad ending”, you said, your eyes falling to the glass in your hands.
“I… I missed you, Y/n.”
It was the raw truth behind those words that had you looking up at him again.
“I’m sorry for how things happened. I was a shit friend.”
“It’s okay”, you said, voice small. “I’m over it, now.”
He nodded once, before looking away, as the ballad ended and was replaced by another lively beat.
“You were right anyway”, you added after a time.
“About what?”
“I… assume Jihoon and Seonhwa told you about what happened with Hangyeol?” you asked.
He pursed his lips, before nodding. “Yeah.”
“So, at the end of the day, I probably should have listened to you”, you said, shrugging your shoulders. “But it’s all in the past now.”
He nodded once again. “It is. But I shouldn’t have acted the way that I did. I know it was a long time ago, but it sucked.”
“The night we fought, or when you ghosted me?” you asked, a tiny bit of venom seeping into your voice.
“Both. Mostly the ghosting, though. It was childish.”
It was strange to see how Hyunjin had matured. You didn’t quite feel like he was the teenager you had known, and you rather saw the adult in him. The man he was becoming every day.
“It was. But I’m not angry at you anymore. Being angry over stuff like that is a waste of time”, you said. Voice soft, because you wanted to reassure him. Wanted to relieve him of the heaviness that suddenly seemed to be plaguing him.
“You’re being too kind”, he let out, before sighing. “I don’t think I deserve your forgiveness.”
“Then why have you come to talk to me?” you asked, voice small.
He looked at you, scanning your features for a while before he spoke. “I wanted to apologize. When I saw you earlier… all the memories came flooding back. I don’t like the person that I was then, and I hate that I treated you the way that I did.”
“It’s okay, Jinnie, it really is. I’m over it now.”
His lips spread into a soft smile. “You’re as great as I remembered you to be.”
You chuckled slightly. “I’m the best, I know.”
He rolled his eyes. “Oh, please, don’t start with that.”
“The door was wide open, of course I had to start.”
He laughed lightly, his eyes sparkling for a moment. Your heart stuttered in your chest, and you took another long sip of your drink to calm yourself down.
“We should hang out again”, he said. “You could come to my next concert. You always said that you were going to be my number one fan.”
A soft smile moved on your lips. “Oh, I’ve been following your journey through the K-pop industry, don’t worry about it.”
“Have you now?” He smirked and you chuckled.
“Of course. Just because we had a falling out doesn’t mean that I didn’t want to support you.”
He cocked his head to the side. “You know, a small part of me always imagined you cheering in the crowd. I’m glad I was right.”
You let out a loud laugh. “I’ve never been to any of your concerts, to be fair.”
You hadn’t been able to, even if you had gotten tickets twice.
“All the more reasons for you to come to the next one. We have one here in Seoul next week.”
“I’ll gladly come if you introduce me to Changbin”, you said, winking at him.
He scrunched up his nose as if in disgust. “I’m not even your bias?”
“Nah, you lost that privilege after you acted like a dick.” You shrugged, but mischief still lit up your gaze. “Besides, I’m more into Bangtan anyway.”
“Right, you already were into BTS back in high school”, he said, laughing. “But if I’m not your bias, then I don’t think you can come to my concert, unfortunately.”
It was his turn to wink at you.
“Your loss, then”, you said. “I have much better stuff to do anyway.”
“Of course you do. Like writing about me in a book.”
“Please, Chung Hee was merely inspired by you. I just used some of our stories.”
“Like that time we sneaked in the principal’s office.”
“Precisely like that.”
“And when you were sick because of some seafood and I had to take care of you.”
A blush crept on your cheeks. “You really read the book, did you?”
“Twice, actually. Seonhwa made me read it when she realized it was about us.”
You shook your head. “It isn’t about us. We never ended together.”
The silence that followed filled with tension as Hyunjin looked at you, his gaze intense with emotions you hadn’t expected to find there. Didn’t want to find there either.
“We indeed haven’t”, he said after a time. “Maybe… maybe we could try being friends again, though?”
It was hopeful, and it was what you wanted the most. Because talking to him right now had reminded you of what it had been like to have him in your life. The familiarity with which you interacted… you needed it, really. More than you imagined.
“I would like that very much”, you said, nodding slightly. “I miss your mother’s cooking.”
Hyunjin burst out laughing. “Of course that’s what you think of.”
“You can’t blame me, her kimchi is legendary.”
“I’ll ask her to make a batch for you, I’ll bring it at the concert.”
You grinned. “You better, if you want me to consider you as my bias.”
“Nuna, we both know I’ve always been secretly your bias.”
“Right.” You chuckled, glancing at the people around you.
Strangely enough, talking with Hyunjin made you feel … alone in the world. As if it was just you two, and you had an eternity in front of you.
“How have your parents been doing?” Hyunjin asked, the question taking you by surprise.
“Great! Awesome, really. They spend half the year in Toronto now, and my brother has gone back to Canada full time.”
“Oh, he has? He never really adapted to Seoul, didn’t he?”
You shrugged. “He was older when we came here so I guess… I guess it was harder for him? He was in his last year of high school and he barely was able to make any friends.”
“Yeah, I remember. You were always concerned for him.”
You nodded. “Still am. Though he’s engaged now, and they are expecting a child.”
“Adoption?”
“Yeah! Funnily enough, his boyfriend is Korean, but they met back in Toronto.”
Hyunjin chuckled. “Awesome. He couldn’t fully escape Korea, couldn’t he?”
You laughed lightly. “Who can blame him, even I am in love with the Korean people, and you know how I hate people.”
Hyunjin laughed, before smirking. “Of course you are. That’s why I was always your favourite in high school.”
“You’re aware that everyone but me was Korean, right?”
He shrugged. “I still was your favourite, wasn’t I?”
You looked up, as if deep in thoughts. “Mmmh, I think I’ve always liked Jihoon better.”
“How scandalous, now that he’s married to Seonhwa.”
“I shall live my life in the regrets of never having told him he’s the better part of our group of friends”, you said, hand on your heart.
Hyunjin grinned goofily. “What a sad life.”
“At least I’ve got you as a consolation prize”, you said, winking at him as he furrowed his brows.
“Do you really, though?”
He winked as you pursed your lips to keep from smiling.
“You’re insufferable.”
“Always”, he said, cocking an eyebrow. “Especially if it annoys you.”
You chuckled, as silence moved around you. Though it was not an awkward silence. It felt comfortable with the familiarity that you always had had for each other… and you found you rather quite enjoyed it. Rather quite enjoyed that time and distance hadn’t changed you one bit. Even after the ache you both had caused the other.
“Do you want to dance?” Hyunjin asked, and your eyes widened slightly.
“I can’t dance with you, you’re a professional”, you replied quickly, as a small blush crept on your cheeks.
He shrugged. “Please, that’s never stopped you before.”
“You were barely a trainee back then, it doesn’t count”, you mumbled, as your heart raced in your chest.
He held out a hand for you, a small smile on his lips. Your eyes fell to his fingers, and you couldn’t help but notice the slight tremor of them.
So, he was anxious, too.
“Your loss if I step on your feet”, you finally said, grabbing his hand lightly, skin barely touching because you didn’t know if you’d be able to really hold him.
Not when your heart seemed to be dancing to its own beat now, a beat you didn’t know was echoed in his own chest too.
Hyunjin led you to the dancefloor, right as a song ended and a new one began. A wide smile spread on your lips as you realized it was a BTS song.
“Too bad they haven’t put any Stray Kids in the playlist, uh?” you said.
Hyunjin threw a puzzled expression your way, before leaning forward.
“What?” he asked.
You moved a little closer, so you could talk directly in his ear. “I said too bad they haven’t put any Stray Kids on the playlist.”
Hyunjin chuckled, and his warm breath tickled your ear as he moved even closer to speak. “That would have been a tad awkward, no?”
“Mmh, you could have shown us some of your choreographies, I’d say that would have been a win for all of us.”
He laughed once again, and you shut your eyes. The proximity of him… it felt so natural, and yet wrong. Wrong, because he had just barely come back into your life. You didn’t want to risk losing him by doing something stupid.
“Come to my next dance rehearsal. Then you can see me dance.”
He pulled away, just enough to look into your eyes.
“I’ll even introduce you to Changbin.”
Your cheeks once again tinted with pink. “That would be awesome.”
“But first, show me your moves, nuna.”
You chuckled, before downing the rest of your glass. “I hope you’re ready for a disaster.”
“It would never be a disaster with you.” He winked at you, and you shook your head as you rolled your eyes.
“I didn’t remember you being a flirt”, you said, but before he could say anything else, Seonhwa threw her arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer.
Seonhwa drunkenly said your name in your ear, making you laugh lightly. “Dance with me.”
And just like that, Seonhwa pulled you away from Hyunjin, and the two of you started dancing together, laughing as you moved along to the music.
“You’ve been talking to Hyunjin-ah”, Seonhwa said as you spun in a circle.
You chuckled. “I would have continued if you hadn’t pulled me away from him.”
“I’m just waiting for the next slow song so I can push you back in his arms.”
You shared a laugh, before you looked down at the glass in your hand.
“I should go put that down somewhere before I drop it here and there’s glass everywhere.”
“Well, come back quickly, I asked for a slow song next”, Seonhwa said. “I’m not letting you avoid Hyunjin any longer.”
“I’m not avoiding him, you literally pulled me away from him”, you grumbled, glancing over her shoulder to meet Hyunjin’s gaze.
He smiled and you smiled back, though Seonhwa caught your attention once again.
“He’s been talking about you, you know”, Seonhwa let out, voice barely above a whisper.
The only reason why you heard was because the song ended, and the promised ballad started.
“You told him to read my book”, you said reproachfully.
Seonhwa shrugged. “Yeah. It didn’t take a lot of convincing, he had already bought it.”
Your eyes widened. “He had?”
“You seem to forget that you were best friends once.”
“He ghosted me”, you reminded your friend.
Heads started turning your way as your tones became more vehement, and as you stood unmoving in the middle of the dancefloor while people slow-danced around you.
“Because he couldn’t see you with Hangyeol”, Seonhwa explained. “Surely you were aware of that.”
“We were just friends”, you said, gaze flickering around at the few people that were looking at you.
Seonhwa didn’t know about your fight. Unless Hyunjin had told her, but she had never mentioned anything…
“You never looked at him as if he was just your friend.”
You clenched your jaw. “It’s your wedding, let’s not talk about this.”
“Y/n…” Seonwha let out, but you were already walking away.
To where, you didn’t know. All you knew was that you had to get away.
On your way out, you put your empty glass down on a table, not once looking back to see if someone was following you. There was a garden outside, and you walked to the middle of it, where you found a small gurgling fountain next to which you sat, eyes moving up to the starry night sky.
You took a deep breath to calm down the wild beats of your heart, as you scolded yourself. For causing a scene at your best friend’s wedding, mostly. But for also thinking that everything between you and Hyunjin could be fixed by a simple conversation.
You had to remind yourself that you didn’t know him anymore. And no matter how much you had missed him, he had still been the one to ghost you. On your birthday, of all moments. Were you ever going to be able to forgive him for that?
The answer to that came to you far quicker than you thought it would, as the shuffling of footsteps was heard over the gurgling of the fountain. Your gaze moved towards the path from which you had come, down which Hyunjin was now walking. Towards you.
He looked even better under the light of a thousand stars, if that was possible.
“Are you okay?” he asked, walking closer.
His hands were in his pockets, and he looked the perfect picture of nonchalance. As if everything that was in your past didn’t matter anymore.
And truly, maybe it didn’t.
“Yeah, sorry”, you said, looking down at your hands in your lap. “I needed a breather.”
“Can I sit with you?” he asked as he stopped a few steps in front of you, as if not wanting to invade your privacy.
You nodded, patting the stone bench next to you. “Yeah, come here.”
He smiled, and soon enough he was sat next to you. Almost close enough for your thighs to touch, and the space between you felt alive with electricity.
“Don’t listen to Seonhwa”, Hyunjin said after a moment of silence. “She really wanted to set us up tonight.”
“What?” you let out, bewilderment filling your entire being.
He chuckled lightly. “Seonhwa is a busybody, and she has taken it upon herself to set us up. She said we should have always been together.”
“She didn’t tell me that”, you admitted. “I… She knows we’re not even friends anymore.”
Hyunjin seemed to tense next to you. “And that’s my fault. I’ll forever hate myself for it.”
You scanned his profile as he was looking down at the ground in front of his feet.
“But I’ve matured”, he added after a time. “And I don’t want to live my life without you in it.” He looked up to meet your gaze. “You were my best friend, Y/n. You still are.”
“Hyunjin-ah…” you let out breathlessly.
“I’m serious, it fucking sucks without you around.”
Silence met his words, as the echoes of them seemed to fill the air around you.
“Seonhwa really shouldn’t interfere in stuff that doesn’t concern her”, you eventually whispered.
He chuckled. “Yeah, indeed.”
Another few beats of silence passed, as you just exchanged a long look. A look that conveyed more than words ever could.
“I’ll come to your dance rehearsal and your concert, Jinnie. It fucking sucks without you in my life too”, you finally said.
The warm smile that grew on his lips put the stars to shame. “I would love that. Let’s be friends again.”
“Let’s please be”, you agreed.
He wet his lips, as his eyes twinkled with emotions. The same emotions he could see in your own eyes, you were sure of it.
“You look beautiful, by the way”, he breathed. “I wanted to tell you earlier, but I didn’t really know how to approach you.”
You blushed, looking away from him. “Stop it. You aren’t usually one to compliment me.”
“It’s a new friendship, let’s set different rules for it”, he said, shrugging. “If you want.”
“You… just friends, right?”
He nodded. “I can’t offer you more anyway.” He paused, as you remained silent. “Not that you would want more, but you know what I mean.”
You almost said that you had wanted more since that day he had confessed to you, but you kept it in. Because it wasn’t entirely true, and your mind was just drowning in the softness of the moment.
“I do.” You nodded, a small smile growing on your lips.
And even though your heart seemed to beat steadier when he was next to you, you knew that you would be content in being just his friend. It was better than not having him in your life anyway.
*****
You bit your bottom lip, as anxiety moved through your blood. You had been anxious ever since you had gotten to the dance rehearsal, even more as Hyunjin had introduced you to the seven other band members. Who all seemed to know who you were already, and you didn’t quite know what to make of it.
You were currently at JYP entertainment’s studios, a place you had never expected you’d visit one day. The room in which you were was wide, with mirrors along one of the walls, in front of which the boys had been dancing for a while.
That also meant that you were hearing one of their unreleased songs on repeat, and you had had to sign an agreement not to record anything. It had all been very awkward, and you almost regretted coming. Especially after you were told you would have to sit in one corner of the room, from which the camera that was filming them couldn’t see you.
You hadn’t realized what being friends with Hyunjin was going to be like until you were sat in that corner.
“Fuck”, Hyunjin cursed as he plopped himself down next to you.
You looked at him as he wiped the sweat on his brow.
“I’m sorry I barely can talk to you”, he apologized. “I didn’t know we were going to be recorded today.”
You shrugged. “It’s okay, it feels like a private show.”
And it kind of did, but mostly it felt as if you were stuck in some kind of a dream.
You didn’t know if you liked it.
“Hope you enjoy it”, Hyunjin said, smiling as he took a deep breath. “It wouldn’t be so damn long if we didn’t keep messing up.”
“You’re the one messing up”, Changbin said as he stopped next to you two.
You looked up, meeting his gaze for half a moment before looking away.
You didn’t know what Hyunjin had told Changbin about you, but he was the member that had spoken to you the most ever since you had gotten here.
“We don’t usually have spectators”, Hyunjin said, shrugging.
You chuckled. “You perform in front of crowds all the time.”
“He’s been anxious about you being here”, Changbin admitted, and Hyunjin sprung to his feet.
“Shut it”, he said, pushing Changbin playfully as the guy laughed.
“Just being honest.” Changbin shrugged, and you chuckled as you watched Hyunjin’s cheeks turning red.
“Don’t listen to him”, Hyunjin said, meeting your gaze.
He held out a hand for you to take and you grabbed it as he pulled you to your feet.
“They’re just jealous that I’ve got a pretty girl coming to see me”, he added, winking at you as Changbin burst out laughing.
You knew you had turned beet red, but you tried to play it cool.
“So you think I’m pretty, uh?” you teased as you let go of his hands. “Too bad I really came here to see Changbin.”
Changbin’s eyes widened as he looked between the two of you. “Don’t bring me into this.”
“Who can blame you, Changbin’s the best of us”, Felix said as he threw an arm around said boy’s shoulders.
You laughed lightly, glancing at Hyunjin as you felt the weight of his gaze on you. He was smiling softly, and it warmed you inside.
Felix said something to Changbin that you couldn’t hear, and a second later the two boys were walking away, leaving you alone with Hyunjin.
“Do you like the new song?” he asked after a moment.
You nodded quickly. “Oh, it’s really good. I’m going to have it stuck in my head for a while now though.”
“The perks of hearing a song on repeat for hours on end”, Hyunjin said, laughing. “We should be done soon though.”
“No pressure, I have nothing to do today anyway.”
“Then if you want, I can give you a tour of the studios after?” he suggested, running a hand through his half-undone hair.
Though he had tied his hair back, dancing had caused him to be quite disheveled… and yet he still looked so effortlessly good.
It was unfair, really.
“Sure, I’d love to”, you accepted. “Only if we get something to eat too, I’m starving.”
Just on cue, your stomach grumbled, earning you a laugh from Hyunjin.
“Of course I’ll get you something to eat.” He undid his half bun, blond hair falling around his face.
You just watched him in awe as he tried to pull it back into a new bun, but failed to do so.
“Do you need help?” you asked, chuckling, as a few strands of hair escaped the bun.
“Honestly, I think I do.” He handed you the hair tie, before turning around.
You hoped he couldn’t feel your hands shaking as you raised them and ran them through his hair, once.
“You’ll have to bend down, you’re too tall for me”, you said, voice small.
“Right.” He obeyed, and you once again ran your hands through his hair.
It was silky soft, just like you remembered it, even though it was sweaty. You skillfully tied it back, massaging his scalp for a little before taking a step back.
Ignoring the way you could see Minho and Han looking at you and speaking in ushed tones.
“Thanks, nuna”, Hyunjin said as he straightened and turned to look at you, blocking the view of his band mates. “I’ll have to go back now, but we shouldn’t be long still.”
You nodded, pulling on the dry skin of your bottom lip. Hyunjin’s eyes dipped down to your lips, and you felt your cheeks burning.
Though they had been burning for a while, now, in all honesty.
You heard Hyunjin taking a deep breath before he turned around and walked away, leaving you standing there and feeling awkward.
You clearly couldn’t manage that friend thing at all.
You sat back down, fiddling with your fingers as the music started playing once again, and they went through the choreography a few times.
That distracted you from your thoughts… until you realized you were paying way too much attention to the way that Hyunjin was moving his body. It was then that you grabbed your phone instead of paying attention, because really you didn’t think you could trust your thoughts anymore.
You scrolled on Instagram while the boys practiced, not even realizing that the music had stopped until someone grabbed your phone out of your hands.
“Hey!” you let out.
“What are you doing?” Hyunjin asked. “Are we boring you?”
You scrambled to your feet, trying to grab your phone from Hyunjin’s hands, but he put it over his head, out of your reach.
“No, give me my phone”, you grumbled.
“Instagram is better than our dance rehearsal?” he asked as he looked up, scrolling on your phone. “Wait, were you really watching edits of us?”
“Give me my phone”, you begged as you tried to get to it.
He looked down at you, and you only then realized how close you were standing. Only then realized that you had put one hand on his chest to try to get to your phone.
You didn’t move for a time, only holding each other’s gaze. You looked between his two eyes, breath coming up short, until you glanced down at his lips.
That seemed to startle him out of the trance you had been in, and he took a step back, which almost made you stumble forward.
“Here”, he said, cheeks red and you grabbed your phone, a shot of electricity running through your arm as your fingers touched.
“Thanks”, you breathed as you looked down at the device to turn it off. “Are you finished yet?”
He nodded. “Yeah, I can give you a tour now. Unless you want to eat first.”
He looked behind him, which had you looking at the other members too.
“I think the boys are going to get a bite and some drinks now, so it’s really up to you”, he said.
His eyes found yours again. “I… I don’t mind, do you want to go with them?”
He chuckled. “As long as you’re with me, I don’t mind what we do.”
You blushed, chuckling lightly. “Well then, we can go with them. If they don’t mind, that is.”
“Of course they don’t mind”, Hyunjin reassured you. “They’re going back home, though.”
“Right, you all live together”, you said.
He nodded. “Yeah, so I can give you a tour another time, maybe?” He scratched the nape of his neck, tilting his head to the side. “If you’d like that, of course.”
“Yeah. Yes, definitely.” You looked at Bang Chan, who was walking towards you.
“So, are you guys coming?” he asked.
“Yeah, we’ll be right behind you”, Hyunjin replied.
“Don’t be too long, we’re starving.” Bang Chan smiled at you, before meeting up with the boys at the door. They exited the room, leaving you and Hyunjin alone, as the staff had already left too.
“Thank you for coming”, Hyunjin said. “I really am sorry I couldn’t talk to you more.”
A smile grew on your lips. “It’s fine, Jinnie, at least we’re hanging out now.”
He chuckled. “Yeah. And you’ll be happy to know I have some of my mom’s kimchi at the dorm.”
Your eyes lit up as you grinned. “This is the best day of my life.”
His lips spread into a smile too, and he nodded towards the door. “I can get you some of that bungeoppang too. Since you won the bet about Seonhwa and Jihoon.”
“Right, I had forgotten about that”, you said, laughing lightly. “Let’s do that. You’re going to have to give me that painting too.”
“It’s in my room, just leave with it”, he said, smiling. “It’ll be missed dearly, though.”
“Wait”, you said, eyes widening. “You brought it to your dorm?”
He wet his lips, nodding. “Yeah, how else was I supposed to remember where I came from?”
“A weird way to keep you humble.”
He shrugged, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “The dorm needed decoration anyway, so I figured why not.”
“Right.” You chuckled. There was a silence, during which you just looked at each other. You didn’t like the way that it made you feel inside, but you couldn’t stop looking at him. “Should we go, before the members leave without us?”
“I’ll grab my stuff, hold on.”
You watched as he jogged to the other side of the room, where he had left a duffel bag with god knows what in it, as he hadn’t even touched it. You followed him as he aimed for the door, turning to look at you.
“I’m really happy you came”, he said, a soft smile lighting up his eyes.
“That’s what she said”, you joked, and Hyunjin burst out laughing.
“I really fucking missed your childish jokes”, he said as you left the room.
You grinned wickedly. “Happy to provide with your daily dose of bad jokes.”
He laughed, eyes crinkled with his smile. “Hopefully you won’t start with puns again.”
“Seonwha has always been better than me with puns, don’t worry about it.”
You continued chatting for a while, falling back into your usual familiarity, all tension gone from the conversation. You made it to the dorm as you talked and joked and laughed, as if no time had passed between you. As if you still were kids in high school, with no responsibilities and worries in life.
It was healing, really. To be with him like that again.
And even though you hadn’t known his band mates before today, they all were welcoming too. Warm, even, though they all seemed to be keeping some sort of a distance. It had you wondering what Hyunjin had said about you, and you figured it was better if you didn’t know.
After you all ate – Hyunjin’s mom’s kimchi was as good as you remembered – you sat in the living room of one of their dorms, drinking soju and beer and chatting about everything and nothing. The boys eventually started playing Smash on a switch, and you found yourself sitting on the couch, between Hyunjin and Changbin. The latter was sitting really close to you, and the heat of his body made you feel… strange inside.
All the stranger, because each time you looked at Hyunjin he had a knowing smile on his lips.
Was he trying to set you up with Changbin?
“Should we invite Hayoon and her friends?” Bang Chan said from where he was laying on the floor.
“You want a consolation prize because I’ve just beaten your ass in Smash?” Felix asked.
Bang Chan threw a pillow at Felix, and the group laughed.
Only you seemed to have noticed that Hyunjin had tensed next to you.
“Are you sure it’s a good idea?” Seungmin asked. “Didn’t she have sex with Jinnie last week?”
That explained Hyunjin’s tensing. Your eyes widened slightly, and you glanced at Hyunjin as the boy seemed to want to disappear through the floor.
“Shut up, Seungmin”, Hyunjin grumbled.
There was a silence, and Bang Chan, Felix and Seugmin turned to look at Hyunjin. The latter’s eyes widened as he glanced at you, before resuming his attention on Hyunjin.
“Sorry bro”, Seungmin let out.
There was another awkward silence, only interrupted by the music of the game on the television. Bang Chan eventually scraped his throat, before handing his controller to Jeongin.
“Should we play another round?” he asked. “Who hasn’t played yet?”
Though you hadn’t played, you remained silent, sipping on your beer instead. You had never been quite a fan of beer, but you had assumed that drinking would help ease your nerves. It seemed you had been wrong.
Or maybe realizing that Hyunjin had an entire side to him that you didn’t know of was making you feel anxious.
“Do you want to play?” Changbin asked you, voice low so only you could hear.
You blushed slightly – talking to one’s bias was definitely not an easy feat.
“I’m trash, I don’t think I should play”, you replied and he chuckled.
“It doesn’t matter, we’re just playing around”, he reassured you, smiling softly.
You nodded once. “Alright then, I guess I can play.”
Changbin handed you the controller he was holding and you put your beer down on the coffee table in front of you. You sat back in the couch, glancing once at Hyunjin, who was looking down at the bottle he was holding.
“Do you know how to play?” Changbin asked.
“She’s just going to press all the buttons and call it a day”, Hyunjin said from beside you.
You stifled a laugh and you turned your head towards him.
The small smile on his lips reassured you in ways you couldn’t quite yet understand.
“And what about it?”
He laughed and you smiled softly, before turning back towards Changbin.
“I’ll be fine, I don’t care if I lose”, you said and Changbin chuckled.
“Jeongin is good, so you were probably going to lose anyway.”
You all laughed, and then started playing the game. You chose the Wii fit trainer as your character, which led to you being unable to stop laughing during all the fight, and of course Jeongin beat your ass. Though you couldn’t even stop laughing afterwards, especially not when Hyunjin played next and won against Jeongin, by playing with said Wii fit trainer.
You kept on playing for a while, and soon enough your mind was buzzing with alcohol and you felt far more comfortable with all the boys. It helped that Hyunjin was being a little sassy shit, and you and Changbin teamed up against him, teasing him to no end.
It was one hell of a great night, if you were being honest to yourself.
“How did you guys meet?” Changbin asked later that night, after Felix, Minho, Seungmin and Jeongin had gone back to their own dorm.
Bang Chan had disappeared in his room a while ago too, but Han was still with you, playing Smash online. He was currently winning his fourth game in a row.
“His first day of high school”, you said. “I was showing his class around the school and he started talking to me because he wanted to know where I was from.”
“And you had a tea and you dropped it on me, don’t forget”, Hyunjin recalled, tone teasing. “You’re lucky it wasn’t hot anymore.”
“You’re the one who ran into me, dumbass”, you said, laughing. “Wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t been looking at me like that instead of looking at where you were going.”
“I was following you, of course I was looking at you! You just stopped dead in your tracks.”
“Mmh”, you let out.
You both turned towards Changbin, who had followed your exchange with slightly widened eyes.
“That’s cute”, he said as you just looked at him.
You all chuckled and then Han cheered, gaining your attention as he won his fifth game in a row.
“I’m on fire tonight baby”, he said, and Hyunjin high-fived him before sitting back in the couch.
“You’re only winning because you’re not playing against one of us”, he said.
Han turned towards Hyunjin, an offended look on his features. “Fuck off, Jinnie.”
You all started laughing, and then Han handed Hyunjin a controller.
“If you think you’re so good, then try to win against me.”
“I’ve drunk way too much for that”, Hyunjin admitted, shaking his head no. “Though I’d take another beer.”
You chuckled, feeling pretty drunk yourself. “I think we drank everything you guys had.”
“This is the end of the world”, Hyunjin said, putting a hand on his heart dramatically. “We’re all going to die.”
“Shut up, loser.” You laughed, punching him playfully in the shoulder.
Though you were still sitting closer to Changbin, the space between you and Hyunjin once again filled with electricity. As it often did now.
Hyunjin grabbed your hand, a smirk moving over his features. “We should play against each other. I’m pretty sure I’ll beat your ass.”
“Anyone here could beat my ass”, you complained. “Why would I play against you?”
“If you win I’ll let you sleep in my bed”, he said, head tilting to the side. “I’ll take the couch.”
You furrowed your brows. “Who said I’m sleeping here?”
Changbin chuckled from beside you, as if aware of what Hyunjin was planning. Because clearly, he was up to no good.
“I did”, Hyunjin replied, shrugging. “I won’t let you walk home so late.”
Brows still knit together, you grabbed your phone to check the time. “Oh shit.”
Han laughed as he threw you a look over his shoulder.
“So, you’re staying tonight”, Hyunjin declared. “And you get the bed if you win against me.”
“I’d say yes if I were you, Y/n”, Changbin said from beside you. “Chan’s room is close and he snores loudly, you don’t want to have to sleep in the living room.”
You glanced at Changbin, before returning your gaze to Hyunjin’s. “It’s not like we haven’t shared a bed before.”
His smirk only widened. “Well then, why don’t we head to bed? I’m tired.”
Right on cue, he yawned, which in turn made you yawn too. Changbin and Han remained silent, as if aware that you two needed privacy for a moment.
“You promise to stay on your side of the bed?” you asked softly.
“Of course, nuna”, he replied gently, his smirk melting into a soft smile. “Shall we?” he asked, getting up and extending a hand out for you to take.
You did, entwining your fingers, before glancing at Changbin.
“It was nice to meet you”, you told him, before looking towards Han, who had started another game. “You too, Jisung.”
“Nice to meet you”, the two boys echoed, and you got up to follow Hyunjin to his bedroom.
Strangely enough, it felt as if your heart was going to burst in your chest. And not because you were happy, but rather because you were becoming more and more anxious with every step you took. You could feel Hyunjin’s hand shaking in yours, so you knew he was feeling exactly the same way.
What was wrong with you?
You walked into Hyunjin’s bedroom, and the boy closed the door behind you as you took a few steps forward in the cool darkness of the room. Red LED lights turned on, and you spun around to look at Hyunjin.
You looked at each other in silence for a time, until your eyes scanned the room, landing on the painting that was hung over his bed.
“I can’t believe you’ve put it on display like that”, you murmured, right as Hyunjin moved farther into his room, sitting on the side of his bed.
“It holds great memories, how could I not?” he whispered.
You walked to his side, sitting next to him, as he looked at his hands in his lap.
“I know we have barely started to talk again…” you started, putting your head on his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around you to pull you closer. “But I’m really happy to be here with you.”
“You have no idea how happy I am too”, he replied, putting his head on top of yours. “You remind me of before.”
“Before what?” you asked curiously.
“All of this”, he said, motioning with his other hand to your surroundings. “Sometimes I forget that I wasn’t always an idol… and I miss it. I miss when life was simpler.”
You pursed your lips, moving a little closer to him. “I miss it too. Not when you weren’t an idol, because to me you haven’t changed, but when we used to make memories every day. Those are the best memories of my life.”
“Even when I accidentally burned some of your hair with your curling iron?”
You chuckled, smiling fondly at the memory. “Even that. All of it, if I’m being honest.”
Though you had looked quite weird for a time, as the strand of hair hadn’t grown back in over a year.
Hyunjin sighed and you looked up at him, pulling away slightly so you could gaze into his eyes.
“We were stupid, weren’t we?” he asked.
It was your turn to sigh. “We were young. Stupidity and youth often go hand in hand together.”
A smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “We’re still young, you know that, right?”
You nodded. “We’re not teenagers anymore, though. So, we’re a little less stupid.”
“I wish I still was stupid”, he murmured, as his eyes dipped to your lips.
Your breath caught in your throat, and you became all too aware of every inch of him that was touching you. “Please don’t”, you breathed.
He slightly nodded before getting up and moving away from you. “You’ve never dated after Hangyeol, have you?” he asked as he started rummaging through a drawer.
The change of subject had the effect of a cold shower on you. “No. Well, yes and no. I went on a blind date once, but it didn’t go well.”
“Mmh”, he let out, as he got an oversized white sweater out of the drawer. He threw it at you and you caught it, looking at him quizzically. “So, you don’t sleep in your clothes.”
“Oh”, you said. You looked down at yourself, and then at his unmade bed. “You still don’t make your bed.”
He chuckled, and when you turned to look at him your mind went completely blank.
He had taken off his shirt without you realizing.
You blushed, looking down at the sweater in your hands, as your heart went crazy in your chest. You heard him putting on a shirt more than you saw him, and you didn’t look up until he moved closer to you.
“There’s a bathroom outside of my room. First door to the right, if you want to get changed in private.”
You nodded, before getting up. “You’re sure you don’t mind me sleeping here?”
He smiled, cocking an eyebrow. “Didn’t you just say it isn’t our first time sleeping together anyway?”
You rolled your eyes, before moving around him to head to the door. “Right, never mind.”
His laugh followed you out of the bedroom, and you went to the bathroom, where you changed, hands trembling slightly at the thought of putting on some of his clothes.
Just like when you were younger.
You moved back to his bedroom when you were done, only dressed in the oversized sweater, which rested around the middle of your thigh. Not something you would have worn in public, but it would suffice for sleeping.
Hyunjin was already in bed, scrolling on his phone, when you walked in. He glanced at you, and quickly looked away as you put your clothes down on the chair of his desk. He had put a wall of pillows in the middle of the bed, and you laughed as you moved closer.
“Did you really do that?” you asked, sitting on the left side of the bed.
He looked at you from his side. “I figured you wanted your privacy.”
You smiled softly. “How kind.”
You settled down under the covers, turning to face Hyunjin. You pulled down one of the pillows until his face came into view.
“I like the LED lights”, you said. “Gives the room a chill vibe.”
He looked around, before resuming his attention on you. “It does. Red is better when you go to bed anyway.”
You furrowed your brows.
“Something about your brain producing melatonin”, he said, shrugging his shoulders – which proved to be awkward in his position.
“Right”, you nodded.
You looked at each other for a time, until you looked away. Holding his gaze was becoming far too difficult when he looked at you like… that.
“You keep your hair tied back when you sleep?” you asked, trying to change the subject.
Change it from what, you didn’t know.
“Ah”, he let out. “I don’t.” He sat up, untying his hair.
It fell around his face, and he put the hair tie on his night table before lying down again.
“Can I play with your hair?” you asked, unaware that you were going to ask until the words had crossed your lips.
It was hard to tell in the red light, but you were pretty sure he had blushed.
“You’ve always loved to do that, have you?”
It was your turn to blush, and you really did hope that the red light was hiding it.
“Your hair is really soft”, you explained, or tried to, because really you had no idea why you had asked in the first place.
He moved closer, turning around so you had access to the back of his head.
It was easier to breathe when he wasn’t looking at you, you realized. That was until you started running a hesitant hand through his hair, and he sighed as you massaged his scalp.
“I think the part I missed the most about us is this”, he whispered, and you chuckled.
“I thought you missed my jokes”, you said, teasing.
He laughed. “Nothing beats you playing with my hair.”
“Not even when other girls do it?” you asked, as your fingers paused their dance in his hair.
He didn’t reply for a long time. “You heard what Seungmin said, uh?”
“Well, it was hard not to hear it, he yelled it”, you said, tone… hesitant, really. Because you didn’t know why you were bringing that up.
It wasn’t like you cared, no?
“I don’t date, if that reassures you”, he said. “But… I’m not against casual sex.”
You resumed playing with his hair. “Do you do that a lot?”
You would have given a lot to be able to look him in the eyes as you had asked the question.
“Not particularly”, he replied. “I don’t do feelings and relationships, so…”
“Because of the clause?”
He chuckled, and it sounded bitter. “Not really. The clause has never really stopped anyone.”
Your heart picked up its pace as the words settled in. “Then why don’t you?”
“I…” he let out, before pausing for a long time. So long you almost thought he was never going to reply. “I’ve never really met anyone that I’ve liked enough to consider that.”
You almost gulped, as your fight echoed in your mind, even though years had passed since then.
He hadn’t met anyone after you, he meant. You were convinced of it.
“I’m sorry”, you breathed.
“Don’t be, it’s not like I really have time to date anyway”, he said.
He turned on his back, glancing at you as your hand hovered next to his face. “Why didn’t you date after your ex?”
You turned on your back too, hand moving away from him, though the silky ghost of his hair still played on your fingers.
“It didn’t really end well, as you already know”, you whispered. “It’s been hard to trust anyone since then.”
Though he was unaware that most of your trust issues came from when he had ghosted you.
“I wish I would have been wrong”, he said gently. “You didn’t deserve the way he treated you.”
Your heart ached in your chest for a moment. You remembered the fight, and how he had warned you about Hangyeol… Ever since Hangyeol had told you he had been cheating, you had often found yourself wondering. Wondering what would have happened if you had listened to Hyunjin. If you had decided to give him a chance, back then.
A part of you wondered if you would have been like Jihoon and Seonwha.
“Nobody deserves to be cheated on”, you said, shrugging it off. Because you didn’t want him to remind you of just how much you had screwed up.
“Yeah.”
You fell silent, looking up at his ceiling, until he turned to look at you. It took you a while to look at him too. Your eyes fell to the mole under his left eye, and you pursed your lips.
“We should go to sleep.” Your words were barely above a whisper, and he slightly nodded.
“We should”, he agreed. “Thank you for coming today.”
“Thank you for inviting me, Jinnie.”
You exchanged a soft smile, until you yawned once again.
“I’ll take that as a cue to turn off the lights”, Hyunjin said, chuckling. “Good night, nuna.”
“Good night”, you replied, sighing as you nuzzled your face in the silk of your pillow. The room fell dark, the echo of the red light playing against the sudden darkness. “Stay on your side of the bed.”
He laughed lightly, the sound the last thing you heard before falling asleep, far quicker than you had in a while now.
*****
You woke up with a pounding headache, feeling way too warm for your own good. You kept your eyes shut for a while, apprehending the moment you’d open them… until you realized why you felt so warm.
And no, it wasn’t because you were wearing a sweater.
Your eyes fluttered open, breath catching in your throat as you realized that Hyunjin was pressed against you, face nuzzled in your neck as you were laying on your back. His arm was on your stomach, and his soft breathing indicated to you that he was still very much so asleep.
Asleep and cuddling you, for God’s sake.
You didn’t move for a while, breathing in the scent of him as his proximity filled your nose with the fragrance of his shampoo, and maybe some cologne he had been wearing last night. His hair was tickling your face, and you slightly turned it away from him, though you didn’t quite feel like putting any sort of distance between you.
Not when he seemed so peaceful.
As your heart raced in your chest, you hoped that he couldn’t hear it. Really fucking hoped, otherwise you were afraid it’d wake him up.
You took a steadying breath as you shut your eyes once again. His room was still dark, so there was no use to getting up. Especially not when he was close to you like that, and it felt as if no time had separated you at all.
You wondered what he would think, if he were to wake up right now, so close to you you could feel his chest moving every time he took a breath. You liked to think that he would be happy. That, maybe, he had done it on purpose, and not while he was sleeping.
It was a dangerous thought to have, when your friendship was still so precarious. So close to falling off the edge, you felt… threatened. By him. By the thought of him and his words and the way he was still looking at you after all these years.
Best friends indeed.
Hyunjin’s arm tightened around your stomach, and he pulled you even closer. Too close for your own comfort. Where the hell was the pillow wall anyway?
He chuckled, deep sound reverberating through his chest. “I was.”
He made no move to move away from you, and you felt yourself relaxing, even if the proximity of him… it was a danger. A threat to your own sanity.
“Seems I’ve crossed the pillow wall”, he whispered against the skin of your neck, and the feeling of his lips on you made you lose your mind.
“Hyunjin-ah…” you breathed out, heart beating out of your chest.
“I’ll go back to my side”, he said. Though he didn’t move for a time. As if waiting for you to ask him to stay.
You couldn’t. You couldn’t ask him that, knowing just how dangerous it was to let him in like that. He had broken your heart without a single ounce of regret, hadn’t he?
Though maybe you had been the one to break his heart in the first place.
The weight of his arm lifted from your stomach, and you almost whined at the loss of contact. It scared you shitless.
He moved away, and the bed suddenly seemed very cold. Though the cold came from within, and you were all too aware of it.
“I’m sorry I cuddled you like that”, he said after a moment of silence.
“Oh”, you let out. “It’s okay, don’t worry about it.”
In fact… you were disappointed. Disappointed that he had moved away, and you hadn’t asked him to stay close.
You rather liked to have him so close to you like that.
“Good.” He yawned, and you glanced his way, though you couldn’t quite see him in the darkness. “Good night”, he added a few seconds later, and his breathing evened out, indicating that he had already fallen back asleep.
You almost were jealous of it, as you knew sleep would avoid you for the rest of the night. Especially since your heart was still racing in your chest, and it didn’t seem to be slowing down anytime soon.
Fucking hell.
*****
The next few days passed in a weird anxious blur, with you and Hyunjin not seeing each other except that morning after you had slept in the same bed. He texted you a lot though, more than you had thought he would, and it really felt as if no time had passed. As if you were still the same Jinnie and Y/n, and really you loved every second of it.
Especially as you finished the first draft of your second novel, and submitted to your editor a week in advance. Not a big win, but something you were proud of nonetheless. It seemed you had found your inspiration back, and you were no fool.
You knew it was all thanks to Hyunjin.
The day of the concert came far quicker than you had thought it would, and you stood in front of your closet for a long while, not knowing what to wear at all. You still had Hyunjin’s sweater, but you didn’t feel it was… appropriate, for a concert. Especially not when Hyunjin had posted pictures of him in that sweater in the past, so fans could connect the dots between you.
Something you didn’t want happening, as you were just friends.
Instead, you chose a short black skirt, that you paired with a white t-shirt, along with black converse shoes. It was a cute yet simple outfit, that you paired with your lilac purse.
You curled your hair, putting on a bit of make-up too. Just eyeliner and mascara, as you had to get to the venue in advance. Indeed, Hyunjin had invited you to the soundcheck during the afternoon, and you didn’t want to miss it for the world.
You made your way to the concert venue with public transport, mind filled with memories of you and Hyunjin back in the days. Mostly, you thought about his parents, whom you hadn’t seen since before he had ghosted you, and whom you had already appreciated, as they had always made you feel welcomed under their roof. You wondered if Hyunjin would invite you over for dinner, and you thought maybe you should suggest it to him.
After all, he had been the one to invite you to the dance rehearsal earlier this week, and to the concert today. It was only fair if you tried to plan something now.
You made a mental note to talk to him about it when you would get the chance today, as you got out of public transport to walk the rest of the distance to the venue. You texted him that you were there, and he told you to meet him at a garage entry, which proved to be a lot harder to find than you had expected.
After fifteen minutes of searching, Hyunjin called you on your phone, clearly wondering what was taking so long. You picked up the call, unable to hide the annoyance from your voice.
“Where the fuck is the garage?” you asked and he burst out laughing.
“You know where the front doors are?”
“Yeah”, you let out.
“Turn left from there. It’s on the other side of the building, but that’s the quickest way to get there.”
“I’ll be there soon. But please stay with me”, you begged, as you quickened your pace to make it back to the front doors.
“They’re expecting me in five minutes, so be quick”, he said, voice sounding far from the phone. “I’ll hide so they don’t find me here.”
You chuckled, as you neared the corner of the building. “I’m almost back to the front.”
“I’d meet you there if I wasn’t afraid to be seen by fans”, he said.
“It sucks to be famous, does it?” you teased him.
Though a crowd of fans came into view, which surprised you, because the doors didn’t open until seven tonight. But then again, you also had arrived early to all the BTS concerts you had gone to, so you didn’t blame Stray Kids’ fans for doing the same.
You walked around the crowd, picking up your pace even more as Hyunjin sighed.
“They’re calling my name”, he whispered in the phone. “You’re going to get me in trouble.”
“I’m not going to start running, that would be suspicious”, you said. “Hold on, I’m almost there.”
Soon enough, you finally found the garage, and Hyunjin walked out of where he was hiding, though you could barely call it a hiding spot. The crew hadn’t really searched for him if they hadn’t seen him standing behind the bus.
“Hey”, he said, hanging up the phone as you came into view.
You jogged towards him, and you quickly hugged, before walking in the building.
“This place was far too hard to find”, you grumbled as Hyunjin led you down a hallway.
He chuckled. “I’m glad you made it though. Tonight’s going to be fun.”
As he smiled at you over his shoulder, you felt your cheeks burning. It was going to be fun indeed, especially since she was going to be with him.
Well, not when he was going to be on the scene, of course. But the rest of the time yes.
You followed Hyunjin down a few hallways, almost jogging behind him as he was walking far quicker than your small legs could allow you. He laughed at you, and you playfully pushed him.
“You’re annoying”, you said.
“You’ve got tiny legs”, he countered-back.
You squinted your eyes at him in annoyance. “The concert has better be good if you made me come here just to insult me.”
He chuckled, eyes sparkling with mischief as he looked at you. “Our concerts are never bad, nuna.”
You moved into a wider room, where people were running around, trying to get everything ready in time for the concert.
“Hyunjin-ah!” a young woman said as she stopped next to you. “We’ve been looking for you everywhere, the others are already on the scene.”
“Sorry, I was waiting for her slow ass”, he apologized, pointing to you.
“Hey!” you let out, and you moved to punch him but he jogged out of your reach, before turning around and winking at you.
“I’ll be back soon, don’t miss me too much”, he teased, and then he was gone.
You just stood there awkwardly, not really knowing what to do. The young woman who had talked to Hyunjin hadn’t moved, and she looked between you and the place where Hyunjin had disappeared.
“So, you must be Y/n”, she said, as her eyes finally settled on you.
You nodded, though a slight blush crept on your cheeks. Had Hyunjin told everyone about you already?
“I’m Yuna”, the girl said. “Nice to meet you.”
You bowed at the same time, as you echoed Yuna’s last words.
“I’m Hyunjin’s hair stylist”, Yuna continued. “I was supposed to dye his hair before the soundcheck.” She sighed, and you only then noticed the hair product Yuna was holding.
“I can help you with that after, if you want”, you suggested.
Yuna’s eyes lit up. “That would be really helpful.”
“I’d be glad to help”, you said, smiling. Though a tiny part of you knew why you had suggested…
Goddamn it, were you really jealous of his hair stylist?
As you waited for Hyunjin to finish the soundcheck, you moved closer to the stage, though you didn’t really have a good view of it from backstage. A crew member told you that there were going to be TVs later, which was a relief, but you still managed to catch a glimpse of the boys as they sang a couple of songs, just to make sure the mics were well tuned and that everything was going to go smoothly later.
Once Hyunjin came back, along with the others, you stood to the side to let everyone pass, as Hyunjin was the last one in the line. He stopped next to you, a little out of breath and smiling widely, and truly he looked so happy it almost made your heart burst right then and there.
“Excited for tonight?” he asked.
You grinned back at him, unable to hold your smile in when he was looking at you like that. “Yes. But now we’ve got to get your hair dyed.”
He nodded, and you walked back towards the main backstage room. “Yeah, my hair is going red for tonight.”
“Ooh, can’t wait to see”, you said, chuckling. “I’ll help your stylist because I was the one to cause the delay.”
Hyunjin smiled, and his fingers brushed the back of your hand as you walked towards the chair where Yuna was waiting for you. The feel of his fingers against your hand had your heart missing a couple of beats, and you quickly pulled your hand away, pretending to put your hair behind your ear.
You were blushing again, for God’s sake.
“Yuna looks pissed, doesn’t she?” Hyunjin whispered as you walked, and you chuckled, though it sounded more like you were choking on air.
You really needed to get a hold of yourself when you were around him. You barely were friends again, and there you were letting your heart betray you like that.
“She does”, you said after a few more seconds of silence. “She probably hates me.”
“Nobody can hate you, nuna”, he reassured you, gently nudging you with his elbow. “Except when you’re being a little shit, then I do hate you.”
“Jinnie!”
You laughed as you punched him in the shoulder.
“You’re even worse than you were before.”
“Oh, you’ve barely seen anything”, he said, chuckling, as you finally reached Yuna’s side.
Yuna got up from the chair, motioning at it with her hand. Hyunjin sat, and soon enough she had a towel wrapped around his shoulders to make sure no dye got on his shirt. She then handed some gloves to you, and you put them on as Hyunjin carefully watched you in the mirror in front of him.
“What?” you asked as you grabbed some of the product.
“Careful not to get some in my eyes”, he said, winking at you.
“Just close your eyes and let us work”, Yuna said, patting him on the shoulder.
The familiarity of the move made you twice as jealous as you already were. You swallowed down the feeling, though it had a vile taste.
You really didn’t like how you felt around Hyunjin.
You all fell silent as Yuna showed you how to apply the product, and soon enough you got to work, as Hyunjin scrolled on his phone. As if he too sensed the awkwardness in the air. Or maybe that was just you, and you were being jealous for absolutely no reason.
With the help of the hair stylist, you dyed Hyunjin’s hair red, using a towel to prevent from putting some dye on his face, though the dye was said to be washable with water. Soon enough, Hyunjin’s hair had turned a bright shade of red, and the hair stylist sauntered off after having rinsed the little dye that you had accidentally put on the nape of his neck.
Hyunjin turned towards you as soon as the stylist left, a wicked smile on his lips.
“How do you like it?” he asked.
“What?” you let out.
He rolled his eyes. “The hair, dumbass.”
“I know, I was just teasing you.” You winked at him, and then made a good show of looking at his hair. Though he looked really fucking good, you weren’t going to tell him that, no? “It suits you well, though it’s a really bright color, is it not?”
He shrugged. “It’s just for the show. It’ll wash off tonight in the shower.”
“My hard work, gone so soon?” you said, putting a dramatic hand over your heart.
“You’ll just have to do it all again at the next concert”, he said, chuckling.
Though you didn’t miss the way his cheeks slightly tinted with pink.
“I can’t make it to all your concerts”, you said, scanning his features.
His face slightly fell, but a make-up artist stopped next to him, and he couldn’t reply.
The make-up artist began by putting blue contacts in his eyes, before applying some make up on his features. You carefully watched, trying to ignore the weird tingle in your heart every time the make-up artist brushed her fingers against his face.
Really, it wasn’t normal for you to feel like that. That thought kept spiralling in your mind for the whole concert, so much so that you found you couldn’t quite enjoy it. No, panic was slowly gaining a hold of you, and you didn’t know what to do with it. Didn’t know if you should accept that, after all these years, your feelings towards him hadn’t changed at all.
It was terrifying, really, even if he seemed to display those same feelings. He had broken your heart three times – when he had asked to just be friends, when he had told you about his own feelings, and then when he had ghosted you. You would be a fool to let him in this time, just because the timing seemed… better.
You pushed the thoughts aside when the concert finished, even though they kept haunting the far back of your mind. It was nothing a bit of alcohol wouldn’t numb anyway.
You returned to the dorms after the concert, along with the other members. They all seemed over energetic, and buzzing electricity moved through the whole group as they sat around the kitchen table, eating what you considered to be a literal feast.
It was easy to be with Hyunjin in a setting such as that one. He was a friend, and not… whatever else he could be when you were alone. Which was a relief, because those thoughts really weren’t that far. Even after all the soju that you had drunk while eating.
And it was fun. A buzzing kind of fun, the fun that came when one had their mind swimming with alcohol. Not enough to reach the point of no return, but just enough to reach… this feeling. This euphoria that was gaining control of you with every laugh and smile.
The members of Stray Kids truly knew how to have fun, behind close doors. And they also really knew how to make someone feel welcome. Really, you almost felt as if you had always been friends with them, as if they were all part of that friendship you had shared with Hyunjin. And maybe that was the reason why you were so comfortable – because they were Hyunjin’s closest friends, like you had once been. Like you wished you would be again someday.
“Nuna”, Hyunjin said, moving closer to whisper in your ear.
Everything in you stopped at once, and you hoped he didn’t notice the way you had stiffened next to him.
“What?”
“What do you think about Changbin?” he asked.
Your eyes trailed to the man in question, and you exchanged a small smile before you resumed your attention on Hyunjin.
“Why are you asking?”
“Do you like him?” he asked, once again moving close to you so he could whisper in your ear.
Your brows knit together. “I barely know him.”
“Would you like him?” Hyunjin asked again, speech slightly slurred by the alcohol.
You almost died right on the spot when Hyunjin’s lips brushed your ear as he spoke. You ignored the looks the other members were throwing at you as you focused on the space between you and Hyunjin.
There really wasn’t much space, wasn’t it?
“Why do you want to know that?” you enquired, voice breathy.
“You…” he let out. “Fuck, I don’t know.”
“Hyunjin-ah”, you breathed as he once again brushed his lips against the lobe of your ear. You slightly moved out of his reach, though you leaned to whisper in his own ear. “What are you doing?”
“I don’t know”, he let out, and your eyes shut as he sighed, and the warmth of his breath brushed the skin of your neck.
You slightly turned your face towards him, no longer in control with yourself. All you knew was that you, too, wanted to press your lips against his ear.
Though you went as far as nibbling on his ear, alcohol inhibiting all restraint you usually would have had. All restraint you thought you had, actually.
Clearly, you hadn’t had much.
He sighed once again, a hand moving up so he could brush your hair behind your shoulder, and his mouth immediately moved, barely pressing on the spot where the collar of your shirt stopped. He left a light kiss there, and you slightly opened your eyes, looking down at him.
Until he moved up, face a few inches away from yours. Far enough so you could see the blue of his contacts and his red hair. Close enough to know there was no turning back now.
You leaned in, closing the space between you. The space and the time that had separated you, really.
You lightly brushed your lips against his, and your eyes shut in synch as Hyunjin let out a shuddering breath. Your heart started racing in your chest, and you were pretty sure you were trembling when he pecked her lips.
You were in your own little world, away from everyone else. In your own little bubble of peace and contentment, really. A place where you should have met a long time ago.
You fully pressed your lips against his, the taste of soju on his mouth making you dizzy inside. Even more so, as he ran a hand through your hair, grabbing the back of your head to pull you closer as he deepened the kiss. One of your hands rested on his thigh, and you slightly parted your lips as his tongue swiped on your bottom lip.
Your tongues met in a passionate dance as a breathy sound bubbled in your throat, your other hand getting lost in his hair as you pulled at it. He grunted, and you wondered if he was shaking or if it was you.
Maybe it was both of you.
And you were shaking… for what exactly? You didn’t even know. All you knew was that you were about to burst right then and there, and your heart couldn’t quite take it.
He whispered your name against your lips, and you kissed him harder. He met your pace, and you were pretty sure he would have pulled you in his lap had someone not cheered.
You pulled away from him, eyes wide, as you realized what you were doing.
His gaze met yours, and there was fear in his eyes.
“I should go”, you said, and you were up before your sentence had ended.
Hyunjin followed you, slightly stumbling as you stormed towards the door.
“Y/n, wait”, he let out. “What’s wrong?”
Moving out of the dinning room, you walked down the hallway leading to the door.
“What the fuck was that?” you asked, turning around to look at him.
You were shaking with your whole body now.
“We… we just kissed, it… Why are you freaking out?” he asked, and you tried to read the emotions on his face.
All you knew was that he too was panicking.
“That was wrong”, you said. “We shouldn’t…”
He chuckled bitterly, taking you by surprise. “It was time we kissed, don’t you think?”
“Just because Seonwha wants us to be together doesn’t mean we should be.”
He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “Nuna, I’m not talking about Seonwha. Don’t tell me you don’t feel the same about me.”
“We had this conversation once, Hyunjin-ah, and look where it led us.”
“It led us to tonight, didn’t it?” he pointed out, with an edge to his voice you definitely didn’t like.
“I don’t want that. I don’t want to be with you like that.”
“You kissed me”, he said, venom dripping from his voice. “You want it just as bad as I do.”
“You can’t just come back into my life like that, Hyunjin-ah!” You glanced at the door, though you were slowly starting to see red. It wasn’t anxiety making you shake anymore, but rage. “You came back when it was convenient for you, uh? You waited until I wasn’t with Hangyeol anymore, and then you pull off this shit?”
“You’ve broken up for months, I didn’t come back right away, didn’t I?” He scoffed. “I wouldn’t have come back at all if it hadn’t been for Seonwha.”
“Well maybe you shouldn’t have.”
The silence that fell around you was heavy, pressing you down as you felt your lungs burning. You just stared at each other. You tried to pretend you couldn’t see the pain on his features, but youncouldn’t ignore it.
“Leave me alone”, you said, voice small. “I need to think.”
“What is there to think about?” he asked, and his voice broke on the last word.
You motioned between the two of you. “This. Whatever just happened. I… it’s better if we don’t talk for a few days.”
“Please don’t go”, he begged, and you shut your eyes as your heart sank in your chest.
“This is not the end”, you said, hoping he could hear the promise behind those words. “I just need a few days.”
You opened your eyes to see him blinking back tears.
It came as a surprise that your own gaze was still dry.
“Okay”, he let out. “I’ll give you a few days.”
You nodded, scanning his features one last time before you turned around, aiming for the door. You didn’t hear him move, and neither did you look over your shoulder to see if he had. You weren’t quite sure you would have been able to leave if you had looked at him then.
*****
You stared at the blank page on your laptop. Lost in the dizzying twirls of your thoughts.
It happened to you a lot lately, quite honestly.
It had been a little over a week since your fight with Hyunjin. You hadn’t exchanged a single word since then and, frankly, you weren’t quite sure you wanted to ever speak to him again. You were embarrassed, far too embarrassed to acknowledge that you had kissed him. That you had wanted to drown in his sweetness, and in the way his lips had moved against yours.
You tsked, blinking a few times to chase the memory away. To focus on your blank page once again, and on words that had been avoiding you for days now. Since…
You scoffed, closing your laptop before sitting back in your chair, your head resting against it.
You had been lying to yourself all those days, if you were being honest. Trying to convince yourself that you were angry at him, that you didn’t want him. You had never been a liar before, but it seemed Hwang Hyunjin brought that ugly part of you out.
A part of you you didn’t think you had, but that had gained control of you when you had realized you were kissing him.
You wanted to hate him. Hate him for coming back like that and expecting them to be together. As if he hadn’t abandoned you for so long. It was unfair, really, that he expected you to be his after he had treated you like he had.
Why did you still want him so bad, then?
Seonwha had been furious, the last time you had spoken to her. Clearly, Hyunjin had told her everything, because she gave you the lecture of the century, calling you stupid and selfish.
You rather thought Hyunjin had been the selfish one. He hadn’t even considered the fact that you might just want to be his friend. He had…
You sighed deeply. You didn’t want to just be his friends. You didn’t think you wanted to be his either. That was why you hadn’t texted him yet.
You hated the effect that it had had on him. Because you had been unable to keep away from the idol part of him, and you had watched their two last shows online. Had seen him mess up a few choreographies. Had been able to see the hurt in his smiles, and in the way they never reached his eyes.
You knew him far too well for your own good.
You tapped your fingers on the back of the laptop, as you once again relived the kiss.
It had been the best goddamn kiss of your entire life, if you were being honest. And you doubted nothing would ever top that.
You had forgotten how to think, how to breathe, how to exist in that moment. All you had known was that there was him, and there was you, and you were two. Two souls, bound to be together. Bound together, lips sealing the deal.
Maybe you never should have kissed him, because you weren’t quite sure you would ever feel the same again. As if it had made you realize that you were missing half of you, and that the only way to get it back was to be with him. Was to drink in the taste of him until you’d be drunk and old and grey, until eternity would set you apart, in infinite darkness.
You had always been a romantic, had become a writer because of it… but this was a next step. As if you hadn’t known about the love poets spoke about until that moment when your lips had touched. And really, you were aware of that. Were aware that he’d always be the better part of you, the sweet and loveable and kind part of you.
A part you were running away from, content in your own little misery. In that disgusting part of you that wanted him to hurt like he had hurt you. You knew it was wrong, because you knew he had been hurting too. You couldn’t imagine how you would have felt had the roles been reversed. Had he been the one dating someone toxic. Had you had to look at him slowly dwindling away to nothingness.
Though that was the part you couldn’t quite forgive him for. You had been dying, with Hangyeol. Had suffered more than you’d ever admit it to anyone. He had known it, all too well, and had chosen to leave without a single word.
That silence… it had killed you, relentlessly. You had been forced to rebuild yourself, a little changed, and probably not in the right way. Though it had led to you breaking up with Hangyeol, if you were being honest.
Because, if you had had to choose between Hyunjin and Hangyeol, you would have chosen Hyunjin, no hesitation.
You hadn’t thought that choice was going to be taken away from you, though. Hadn’t thought Hyunjin would ever walk out of your life… and now he had come back, and you were the one walking away.
You turned your head towards the sliding doors to your right, the city of Seoul coming into view. The sun was getting low in the sky, and you sighed once again. You hadn’t been productive at all today.
You got up from your spot, moving closer to the sliding doors, before stepping outside, the sounds of the city engulfing you. The balcony of your apartment overlooked a small plaza, and you looked down at it, watching people walking around, eating bungeoppang from the street vendor or just rushing to wherever they had to go.
It was strange how life seemed to be moving far too fast around you, when you were still stuck in that dorm kitchen, lips pressed against Hyunjin’s. As if time had stopped for you then, and you’d forever be stuck reliving the moments. Again and again, until you’d go crazy from it.
A breeze caught in your hair, and you shut your eyes, appreciating the warmth of the sun rays on your skin.
Maybe you were being too harsh on him. Maybe…
Maybe you were meant to be together after all, and he wasn’t wrong. Maybe your timing had just always been off.
Then why did it still feel so wrong?
You stayed there for a while, a lot longer than you had first wanted to. Just letting the sound and smells of the city carry you through your thoughts, because really, there was no escaping.
The worst part was that you missed him, so much. Wanted to share with him every funny pictures that you saw on Instagram, wanted to hear him tell you about his days, wanted to see his smile and listen to his laugh…
Perhaps you had waited long enough. Perhaps you were two puzzle pieces that were meant to be together, and it was time you faced the truth. Running away from it wasn’t going to lead you anywhere good.
As if it finally clicked into place, you knew what you had to do. Though you had probably known it all along, and you had just been waiting for your stubbornness to give in to the feelings in your heart.
You walked inside, hands slightly clammy as you looked for your phone. Ignoring the voice in your head that was telling you not text Hyunjin. That was begging you to not be with him…
As if you were trying to punish yourself.
Phone in hands, you just stood there for a moment, as realization hit you like a train.
Hyunjin deserved explanations, and some good ones at that.
*****
You sat in the couch, in that same spot you had been for the last hour. Hyunjin had replied to your text saying that he had a performance tonight, but that he could come over after, if you didn’t mind. And frankly, even if you knew you would be tired the next day, you couldn’t wait. Needed to set things straight between you, before he floated too far away for you to be able to reach him again.
Your television was turned on, a K-drama playing with the sound muted. You hadn’t been paying attention to it at all, and had just needed some sort of… company, as you were waiting for him. Because you couldn’t bare the darkness of your apartment.
Your eyes were lost in the void as you nibbled on the dry skin of your bottom lip, unable to focus on anything other than your racing heart. You didn’t even know what time it was, had stopped paying attention to the clock on the wall because time seemed to move so slow.
You couldn’t wait for him to arrive. Couldn’t wait to explain everything to him. Though you were anxious that it would be too little too late.
You startled as your phone started ringing next to you, indicating that someone was at the front door downstairs. Hyunjin.
You buzzed him in, your hands starting to shake as you got up to wait for him at the door. Fingers flickering, as the tick of the clock on the wall echoed every odd beat of your heart.
At this rate, you clearly were going to have a heart attack before Hyunjin was going to reach the door.
There was a slight hesitant knock on the door, and you quickly threw it open, to the sight of a slightly dishevelled and apprehensive Hyunjin. His eyes widened, mouth falling open, as you just looked at him standing there.
It was the five most awkward seconds of your entire life.
“Uh, come in”, you said, blushing as you realized you had been staring.
You moved to the side, blushing even more at the thought of him, in your apartment. The apartment in which you lived alone, with only a few plants to keep you company.
He walked in, staying a good distance away from you, as if he’d get burned if he touched you. He looked stiff, and he didn’t really hold your gaze, instead scanning the living room of your apartment with his gaze.
“Welcome to my… home”, you said, shutting the door behind him. “I… How was the concert?”
His eyes settled on you and you felt like a deer in headlights for a moment. Until he wet his lips and spoke. “You’ve finally decided to talk to me again?”
You gulped. Straight to the point it would be, then.
“Uh”, you let out. “I have an extra pair of slippers, if you want to come in. We can sit in the living room.”
A crease appeared between his brows, but he took off his shoes and put on the slippers, before following you to the couch.
You sat at the two extremities of it, a whole world between you.
“I… have been thinking”, you started, hands shaking. You hid their trembles by sitting on your hands, even if the position was somewhat awkward. “I’m sorry I freaked out.”
He remained silent, only looking at you. Well, not quite, as he seemed to be looking at a spot right next to your face. You glanced at it, though there was nothing there.
“I… You mean a lot to me, Jinnie”, you continued. “We’ve been through a lot, and I guess I… was afraid to lose you?”
“Why would us kissing make you think that?” he asked, voice cold.
It took you by surprise, and all your resolve dissolved like some cotton candy in water.
“Because…” you trailed off. “We were best friends for years, and then I lost you. I don’t think I ever really allowed myself to realize just how bad it hurt to lose you.”
He scoffed. “You were the one dating that asshole.”
“You didn’t have to leave”, you said, your tone a little vehement too. “You could have talked to me.”
“I did, nuna. I told you what I thought about him and you still dated him.” He crossed his arms on his chest, slightly shaking his head. “It fucking sucked seeing you with him.”
“And I realize that now!” you quickly said, hoping to diffuse the fight that was starting to build up before it exploded. “I made some mistakes, and I’m sorry I did.”
Only silence met your words. He really wasn’t making that easy, wasn’t he?
“I think I panicked the other day because… you mean so, so much to me and I don’t even want to imagine a world in which I’d lose you again”, you said softly, looking away from him. “But at the same time, I’m pissed at myself for dating Hangyeol after you told me how you felt, and… and I don’t think I deserve you.” You blinked back a few tears. “I don’t deserve you, Hyunjin-ah. I don’t even understand why you still… want me like that after everything that happened. You deserve so much better than how I treated you…” You dried the tear that slipped out of your right eye with the back of your hand. “You deserve someone that’ll love you from the start, and that won’t torture you like I did.” You gulped, swallowing down the lump that had started forming in your throat. “I was selfish, to think that you were the one in the wrong. We both made mistakes, and… I guess I don’t think I deserve your forgiveness. Don’t think I deserve the kiss we...”
“I’ll stop you right there”, Hyunjin interrupted you, voice strained with emotions. “This is not about deserving each other.” You looked at him, heart breaking in your chest at the sight of tears rolling down his cheeks. “You don’t control who you fall in love with. And sometimes, people are meant to be lessons in each other’s life. Fuck’s sake, I thought you were a lesson for a long time. It hasn’t stopped me from feeling what I feel for you though.” He wiped his tears, chuckling, the sound bittersweet. “There wasn’t a day I wasn’t thinking about you, longing for you. But since that day I told you how I felt… it changed me. I couldn’t just be friends with you, and I had to get away.”
You nodded, vision blurred by a new wave of tears.
“But fuck every day I thought of you. The boys helped me with it, and their friendship really helped through the pain of losing you, but the love remained. And when I saw you at Seonwha’s wedding… It took me back to the day I told you how I felt, and for a moment it was like not a second had passed. And I pictured myself living that moment again, with a happy ending instead.” He looked away, eyes focusing on the silent TV, as the credits of the K-drama rolled on the screen. “I’m rambling, sorry.”
“Don’t”, you quickly said. “Don’t apologize for telling me how you feel. It’s past time we tell each other how we feel.”
He smiled through his tears, wiping them away.
“I’ve been in love with you all those years, Hyunjin-ah. Ever since that night at Seonwha’s birthday party.” Flashes of that night swirled in your thoughts as you reminisced the moment when you had told Hyunjin you loved him, and he had said he couldn’t be with you. “I’ve loved you every day and I don’t deserve you.”
“Stop”, he said. “I told you it’s not about who deserves who.”
“But it is though”, you insisted. “You… When you told me how you felt, I was scared. So fucking scared when I had been waiting to hear that for months. It pissed me off, though, because I knew it before. We both knew it.”
He nodded, meeting your gaze.
“It’s always been you, Jinnie. Every moment of every day it’s been you. Even when I was with Hangyeol. Even more then. That night at the wedding… I saw a future with you. It scared me, and I panicked when we kissed last week but it was… the best kiss I’ve ever had. You are… so much. I can’t even say so much what… you are just so much… you.”
He chuckled, as he blinked back a few more tears.
“You’re everything that I want, that I’ve wanted, and I don’t deserve it.”
“Why?” he asked.
“Because… I don’t know”, you said, shrugging as you too chuckled. “Because I’m young and dumb and afraid of commitment and afraid of getting hurt. And you’re… you’re an idol, you live in a complete different universe than I do.”
“I’m still the same.”
“You are. And that’s why I still feel like that about you.”
“Like what?” he asked, a teasing smile moving on his lips.
The sight of it made you feel like a rainbow had appeared in the storm of your life.
“Don’t make me repeat it”, you said, laughing lightly. “It’s… fuck why didn’t I tell you before?”
His face fell serious as he carefully watched you. “I didn’t think the timing was ever going to be right with you”, he admitted after a time. “Always thought that I would be forced to live my life knowing I’d let the one slip through my fingers.”
“I’m right here”, you said, voice filled with emotion. “I was really fucking dumb but I’m right here and I never want to leave again.”
“I won’t let you”, he teased you, as he reached out to grab your hand. And than seemed to be considering it for a time, before pulling you closer. Pressing his lips against yours.
The kiss was the confirmation you needed. That he indeed was the one. That he was the love poets write poems about, and singers sing songs about. That he was the oxygen to your lungs, and the light in your darkest nights.
It felt like coming home after a long journey. Head full of memories, heart full of feelings, but finally ready to settle down. To relax for a while, and to just enjoy being alive. Being there, in the moment. Not caring about the world.
Just him and you. You and him. Intertwined on your couch in a dance of passion, lips against skin, skin against skin, breaths heavy with release and love and everything in between.
You felt free, like a bird soaring high in the sky, after years of being grounded. Like a kite in a summer wind, or a wave hitting the shore.
It was an abundance of feelings you didn’t even know existed, yet felt just right.
He was just right. For you, that is. And you for him. Two souls, connected on a deeper level than you had ever thought possible, as if you finally knew the secrets to the universe. And maybe you did. Maybe he was the secret to your universe, and you to his. Maybe he was the rules of physics to which you responded, and you were the mathematics of his dreams.
When you were laying in your bed, somewhere between the hours of midnight and dawn, you took the time to look at him. Truly look at the boy you had always known – man now. And you knew. Knew that everything that had happened to you in life had happened for a reason. To lead you there, with him, to the place you were destined to find. Because the feelings in your heart… it was faith. You knew it. And instead of being afraid of it, as you had been at first, you welcomed it in with open arms.
Embraced it, really, because what else was there to do, when the love of your life was right next to you?
“What are you thinking about?” Hyunjin murmured, voice groggy with sleep.
Though you hadn’t really slept at all.
“You”, you whispered, nuzzling your face in his neck. The smell of him was almost enough to make you go crazy. “Us.”
“Look at you all cheesy”, he said, chuckling. The deep sound reverberated in his chest, and you smiled against his skin.
“I’m a hopeless romantic, what were you expecting?”
“Nothing less”, he said, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “I wouldn’t want nothing less than that from you.”
You felt your cheeks burning, and you hid it by cuddling further into him.
“You know what?” Hyunjin said.
“Mmh?” you let out.
“I think I fell in love with you first.”
You chuckled. “Bullshit.”
“No, I’m serious”, he insisted. “The day we met. You were wearing the school uniform, and you had your hair tied back in a ponytail. You looked so cute and I couldn’t stop staring at you. That’s why I walked straight into you. I knew then that you were the one.”
“Why did you tell me you just wanted to be friends, then?” you asked, hand moving up so you could gently put behind his ear the strand of blond hair that was falling in his eyes.
“Because we were young”, he said, as if it explained anything. “I knew you were the kind of love I wouldn’t ever be able to walk away from. But I had this dream of being an idol… and I guess at the end of the day I was selfish, and took you for granted.”
“We both were selfish”, you whispered. “But we’re here now, and it’s all that matters.”
He smiled softly. “It is. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”
You blushed, giggling. “Who’s being cheesy now?”
He laughed, pulling you into his chest, hugging you tight against him. You put your head on his chest, right above his heart, and you listened to his heartbeat for a time, your own heart meeting the pace of his, as if they too had been in synch from the start.
“I love you”, Hyunjin said after a few more moments of silence. “Always have and always will.”
Warmth moved throughout your whole body, and you wondered if it was possible to be happier than you were then. You highly doubted so.
“I love you too.”
☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
I hope you enjoyed!! I feel all fluffy rereading it, this couple was really fun to write. The way they are both hopeless for the other like🥺🥺
Let me know what you thought of the fic! Feedback is always appreciated
☆ summary : when two estranged best friends meet again at their friends' wedding, an old spark reignites. You swear to yourself that you won't fall for Hyunjin again, until alcohol blurs the line between you two. Is it your fault if you find yourself drowning in the familiarity that is him?
☆ pairing: Hyunjin x female reader
☆rating: 18+ (technically 13+? There is no smut just lots of fluff)
☆genre: best friends to strangers to lovers, idol!au; fluff, some slight angst
☆warnings: mention of cheating, Hyunjin be a ghost, alcohol consumption
☆word count: 18.7k words
☆a/n: Sooo, yes I do write for both stray kids and bts. I really love this fic and I hope you guys will love it just as muuuch✨ enjoy your reading! Also I wrote this 2 years ago so obviously my writing has changed a lot but I hope you still like it!!
☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
Prologue – five years ago
The smell of fresh rain on pavement filled your senses as you walked, legs moving in almost a half jog as you made your way to Hyunjin’s place. The hot summer air was rendered colder by the rain, and you quickened your pace as the rain doubled up.
It was unlike Hyunjin to invite you over at this time of the night, so unlike him that you had found you couldn’t say no. It was true that you had… sort of avoided him for the last week. Ever since Hangyeol had asked you out and you had said yes, to be precise.
The distant rumble of thunder had you moving into a quick sprint, right as Hyunjin’s house came into view. Though you loved the summer storms, you knew better than to stay outside when lightning was cutting through the sky.
You ran to the door, grabbing your phone to text Hyunjin that you were there. Though it was unnecessary, as the door immediately swung open in front of you.
“Hey”, Hyunjin said, moving aside to let you walk in.
“You better have a good reason for making me come here in this weather”, you said as a greeting, while Hyunjin shut the door behind you. You took off your shoes to put on slippers, before turning to look at your best friend.
“Let’s go to the playroom, I don’t want my parents to know you’re here.”
You furrowed your brows – the Hwangs had known you for a few years now, and had always liked you.
“Why?” you asked, unable to help yourself.
Hyunjin seemed to fidget for a moment, clearly uncomfortable under your gaze.
“What’s wrong with you?” you enquired, brows knit together.
“What’s wrong with you?” he asked, and he ran a hand through his hair anxiously.
Oh. So this was about Hangyeol.
“Let’s go to the playroom”, you repeated his words, walking around Hyunjin towards the sliding door that led to the small inner court of the house. The playroom was on the other side of the small court, and it sort of was your usual hang out spot with the rest of your friends.
You both took off your slippers as you stepped outside, grabbing them in your hands before you ran to the other side of the court as the storm had finally hit. Once you got into the playroom, you dried your feet on the carpet near the entrance, before putting your slippers back on and heading into the room proper. You sat in the L-shaped couch, Hyunjin’s foot tapping on the ground as you looked at him and an awkward silence filled the air around you.
“What’s wrong?” you asked once you couldn’t bear the silence anymore.
“Why have you been avoiding me?” Hyunjin blurted out.
“I haven’t?”
“Oh.”
Another silence moved in the room, only interrupted by the tick of the clock on the wall.
This was unlike you. So unlike you that you felt dread moving through your blood.
“There’s something I need to tell you”, Hyunjin eventually said, his eyes meeting yours.
You pursed your lips, biting the inside of your bottom cheek. “What’s up?”
His foot started moving even faster, as he ran a hand through his hair. “Fuck, this is harder than I thought it would be.”
“What are you talking about?” you asked, even though you were starting to understand where this was heading to.
Hyunjin let out a nervous chuckle. “I don’t know. Jihoon-ah forced me to do this.”
As Hyunjin fell silent, you tilted your head to the side. “Do what?”
He looked away, his eyes falling on the painting that you had made with the rest of your group of friends a few months before. “I know you’ve started talking to Hangyeol. And before it’s too late, you need to know that I have feelings for you.”
He punctuated the end of his declaration with your name, uttered in a whisper that barely even reached your ears. It had the effect of a cold shower on you, and a stunned silence was all you were able to offer him.
“I… I know I’m a trainee and I don’t really have the time to… to give you what you deserve. But please don’t go with Hangyeol. He’s the worst.”
“You don’t get to tell me not to be with Hangyeol”, you let out. “Why are you telling me this now?”
Hyunjin gulped, wetting his lips. “Because he’s going to treat you like shit. He cheated on his ex.”
“They were together for two weeks, they barely even were a couple”, you said, your tone raising. “Why do you care?”
“I told you. I have feelings for you, I don’t want to see you get your heart broken.”
Little did he know that his words were breaking your heart right now. “Jinnie, you don’t get to tell me you have feelings for me. I moved on from you.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“A year ago? At Seonhwa’s birthday dinner”, you said, trying to explain, but not really wanting to.
Not when he was fidgeting twice more in front of your eyes, and you felt as if he was slipping through your fingers.
“I was dumb”, he let out. “But now that you’re graduated I thought…”
“What did you think?” you asked. “That I was going to crawl back to you?”
You didn’t know why you were as angry as you were. All you knew was that the more he looked distressed, the angrier you were growing.
“You’re my best friend, nuna, I’m not talking about crawling just… I’ve been a trainee for a year now and you’re always there to support me… I was stupid last year.”
“Fuck that, you asked me to just be friends and we are now, why are you screwing that up?”
“Why am I? You’re the one who decided to pursue Hangyeol”, Hyunjin spat, his tone finally meeting the venom in yours.
You scoffed. “Hangyeol already asked me out and I said yes, Jinnie, it’s too little too late.”
A stunned silence met your words, as Hyunjin just looked at you, lips slightly parted in surprise.
Not the positive kind of surprise.
“Don’t look at me like that”, you said, crossing your arms on your chest as you glanced away. Looking at that painting, and at the memories that it held.
“You’re dating him?” he asked, voice small, after a few more seconds of silence.
You sighed deeply, slightly shaking your head. “I am. You’re just my best friend, Hyunjin-ah, and that doesn’t have to change…”
“I don’t want to watch you get played by fucking Hangyeol, of all people.”
“Then you should have been honest to me before!” you exclaimed. “You shouldn’t have waited until I was with someone else…”
“I didn’t think you’d be with someone else! I thought… I thought we’d figure it out.”
“Fuck that, we had nothing to figure out, you’re just my best friend”, you said, repeating your earlier words.
“I know, I got it”, he said, shutting his eyes as he clenched his jaw. “No need to repeat it.”
“It hurts, uh?” you said bitterly. “To be told that.”
He glanced at you, though his eyes avoided your gaze. “Can you please just calm down?”
You scoffed. “Calm down? Please, you made me come here at midnight to tell me that you have feelings for me when I’m already dating someone else, what were you expecting?”
“Not that, honestly.” He finally met your gaze, and your heart broke at the pain in his eyes. “Not that at all.”
Your mouth fell open as you tried to find a retort but came up short. All you could think about was the way your heart was constricting in your chest, and the fact that you couldn’t quite breathe.
“Let’s take a few days to think about it”, Hyunjin said. “Just please consider it.”
“I won’t”, you said. “I don’t need to think about it, I’m perfectly happy with Hangyeol.”
“You barely know him.”
“And now you’re making me feel as if I barely know you. Did you really think I was going to wait for you? You said you wanted to be friends.”
He wet his lips again, his eyes scanning your features. “I needed time, I guess.”
“It was too long”, you said, shrugging your shoulders. “It’s getting late, I should go home.”
He breathed your name. “Please stay. Let’s just talk it out.”
You shook your head. “You’re the last person I want to talk to right now. Just leave me and Hangyeol alone.”
“So, you’re just going to drop our friendship like that?”
“No, I won’t. We’ll pretend tonight never happened and things will go back to how they were before.”
“I told you I don’t want to see you get your heart broken”, he said, voice small.
“Who says I’m going to get my heart broken?” you asked. “Just give him a chance.”
Hyunjin remained silent for a while, holding your gaze. You found you couldn’t quite read the expression on his face anymore, and it scared you shitless.
“If that’s what you want.”
*****
Present day
You stood behind Seonhwa, your hands a little clammy, as Jihoon was reading his vows.
Your friends’ wedding was a grand affair, one you had been expecting for quite some time now, as the two of them had been dating for what seemed like forever now. As the maid of honour, you had helped to prepare the wedding for months and to see everything going on perfectly felt quite gratifying.
Though, the sight of Jihoon’s best man made you feel… strange inside.
Hyunjin was dashing in his suit, blond hair styled in a man bun, piercing gaze moving from the couple to you every once in a while. Each time your eyes met, you felt as if your heart had forgotten how to beat.
You hadn’t seen each other in… well, years now. Though you had remained friends after that dreadful fight, you had lost touch as Hyunjin had debuted and grown distant with the whole group of friends. Or just you, apparently, if he was still Jihoon’s best man. An information Seonhwa had kept from you.
The ceremony moved on, and you tried to pay attention to it, ignoring the old ache in your chest every time Hyunjin looked at you.
You had been best friends, once. Until you had started dating your ex, and Hyunjin had confessed his feelings for you in the hope that you were not going to pursue your relationship with Hangyeol. Which honestly would have been the right thing to do, had you known any better.
Things had changed after that, and you had lost Hyunjin on your birthday the year he had debuted. He had ghosted you, actually. Had said he was going to meet you at the restaurant and had never shown up. Never answered any of your texts after that either.
Losing him had been sour, but back then you had Hangyeol, and you were happy with him. Or rather you had thought that you were happy.
After the ceremony, you moved into the reception hall, as your friends had decided to have a reception, a rare thing in Korea. The hall was a wide room decorated with plants and tall chandeliers, a room that looked straight out of a fairytale, if you were being honest. Especially with the soft fairy lights that were illuminating the place, and the crystal centerpiece that laid on each table. A long rectangular table held the presents that had been gifted to the bride and groom, even though most people had gifted money. Another long rectangular table was waiting for you all, at the end of the room.
Well, for Seonhwa, Jihoon, Hyunjin and you. The old squad, reunited after years apart.
“Have you talked to Hyunjin yet?” Seonhwa asked in ushered tones as you walked arm in arm towards your seats.
“Focus on your husband”, you reprimanded, though your eyes trailed to Hyunjin’s back.
“I can’t believe I’m married”, Seonhwa let out, looking down at the ring on her finger.
You chuckled, but you didn’t have time to talk more as you made it to your seats.
Soon enough, food was distributed, and you started eating, as the chatter of the guests filled the room with a euphoric buzz. Once dinner was over and the speeches were said, music replaced the conversation, and dancing ensued. You remained aside, looking over the evening, making sure that everything went smoothly, from the cake to the pictures.
As the night advanced, you found your maid of honour duties to finally be over, leaving you with… nothing to do but to watch the people partying and drinking. Soon enough, you found a glass in your hand, and you too indulged into the alcohol, as you watched Seonhwa and Jihoon partying as if there was no tomorrow.
“Hey”, a voice said beside you, and you didn’t have to look at the person to know who it was.
“Hey”, you let out.
You didn’t speak for a time, watching as your friends fell into a slow dance as a ballad replaced the lively beat that was playing a moment before.
“How… have you been doing?” Hyunjin asked.
You steeled yourself before glancing at him. He was much more beautiful up close, especially in the dim light. He looked… ethereal.
“I’ve been great”, you replied, politely, before your eyes moved back to the couples on the dancefloor. “How have you been doing?”
“Great”, he said. “I… it’s crazy to think that Seonhwa and Jihoon are married, uh?”
A small smile moved on your lips. “It is. We always knew that they were going to marry, though.”
“We did. Didn’t we make bets about it?”
You met his gaze again, your smile widening at the memories that filled your mind. “We did. You said they would have a kid before they married, didn’t you?”
Hyunjin chuckled. “I did. Seems like you won the bet.”
Eyes sparkling, you nodded. “I have. What was the winner supposed to get?”
“Wasn’t it a lifetime supply of bungeoppang or something of the sort?” he said.
“That, and the painting in your parents’ playroom.” You laughed as Hyunjin’s eyes widened.
“Right. Not our best work, though”, he said.
You shrugged. “You’re the only one of us who actually knew how to paint, it was to be expected.”
“You got paint all over my mother’s carpet”, Hyunjin recalled. “I had to buy a new one before she noticed.”
You laughed as your eyes moved back to your friends. “You didn’t want to move it, it was your fault.”
“Mmh, maybe”, Hyunjin let out, nodding slightly. “At least she didn’t notice.”
“Do you remember when we burned it? It smelled so bad!”
“It did.” He nodded as he put his hands in his pockets. “We were lucky we weren’t caught.”
“We really were. I think your mom would have hated me forever”, you said, a pensive look taking over your features as you recalled his mother.
You hadn’t seen the woman in forever.
“My mom has always loved you, she wouldn’t have batted an eyelash.” He shrugged as you met his gaze, an eyebrow cocked quizzically. “Trust me, as long as she hadn’t thought me responsible, we would have been good.”
“Right.”
Silence moved around you, and you took a sip of your glass.
“How’s work going?” he asked, words aimed to fill a silence you knew he wasn’t comfortable in.
“Great! I mean, I’ve published my first book”, you said shyly, avoiding his gaze.
He wet his lips. “I know, I’ve read it.”
Your eyes widened as you looked up to meet his gaze. “You have?”
He chuckled at the look on your face. “I rather liked Chung Hee. He kind of felt similar.”
You knew you had turned completely red when he started laughing.
“I… uh… right”, you let out, fumbling on your words. “I hope you didn’t mind.”
“No, on the contrary”, he said. “I liked it. Chung Hee and Cha Young’s ending was better than ours, though.”
“I didn’t want to write a book with a sad ending”, you said, your eyes falling to the glass in your hands.
“I… I missed you, Y/n.”
It was the raw truth behind those words that had you looking up at him again.
“I’m sorry for how things happened. I was a shit friend.”
“It’s okay”, you said, voice small. “I’m over it, now.”
He nodded once, before looking away, as the ballad ended and was replaced by another lively beat.
“You were right anyway”, you added after a time.
“About what?”
“I… assume Jihoon and Seonhwa told you about what happened with Hangyeol?” you asked.
He pursed his lips, before nodding. “Yeah.”
“So, at the end of the day, I probably should have listened to you”, you said, shrugging your shoulders. “But it’s all in the past now.”
He nodded once again. “It is. But I shouldn’t have acted the way that I did. I know it was a long time ago, but it sucked.”
“The night we fought, or when you ghosted me?” you asked, a tiny bit of venom seeping into your voice.
“Both. Mostly the ghosting, though. It was childish.”
It was strange to see how Hyunjin had matured. You didn’t quite feel like he was the teenager you had known, and you rather saw the adult in him. The man he was becoming every day.
“It was. But I’m not angry at you anymore. Being angry over stuff like that is a waste of time”, you said. Voice soft, because you wanted to reassure him. Wanted to relieve him of the heaviness that suddenly seemed to be plaguing him.
“You’re being too kind”, he let out, before sighing. “I don’t think I deserve your forgiveness.”
“Then why have you come to talk to me?” you asked, voice small.
He looked at you, scanning your features for a while before he spoke. “I wanted to apologize. When I saw you earlier… all the memories came flooding back. I don’t like the person that I was then, and I hate that I treated you the way that I did.”
“It’s okay, Jinnie, it really is. I’m over it now.”
His lips spread into a soft smile. “You’re as great as I remembered you to be.”
You chuckled slightly. “I’m the best, I know.”
He rolled his eyes. “Oh, please, don’t start with that.”
“The door was wide open, of course I had to start.”
He laughed lightly, his eyes sparkling for a moment. Your heart stuttered in your chest, and you took another long sip of your drink to calm yourself down.
“We should hang out again”, he said. “You could come to my next concert. You always said that you were going to be my number one fan.”
A soft smile moved on your lips. “Oh, I’ve been following your journey through the K-pop industry, don’t worry about it.”
“Have you now?” He smirked and you chuckled.
“Of course. Just because we had a falling out doesn’t mean that I didn’t want to support you.”
He cocked his head to the side. “You know, a small part of me always imagined you cheering in the crowd. I’m glad I was right.”
You let out a loud laugh. “I’ve never been to any of your concerts, to be fair.”
You hadn’t been able to, even if you had gotten tickets twice.
“All the more reasons for you to come to the next one. We have one here in Seoul next week.”
“I’ll gladly come if you introduce me to Changbin”, you said, winking at him.
He scrunched up his nose as if in disgust. “I’m not even your bias?”
“Nah, you lost that privilege after you acted like a dick.” You shrugged, but mischief still lit up your gaze. “Besides, I’m more into Bangtan anyway.”
“Right, you already were into BTS back in high school”, he said, laughing. “But if I’m not your bias, then I don’t think you can come to my concert, unfortunately.”
It was his turn to wink at you.
“Your loss, then”, you said. “I have much better stuff to do anyway.”
“Of course you do. Like writing about me in a book.”
“Please, Chung Hee was merely inspired by you. I just used some of our stories.”
“Like that time we sneaked in the principal’s office.”
“Precisely like that.”
“And when you were sick because of some seafood and I had to take care of you.”
A blush crept on your cheeks. “You really read the book, did you?”
“Twice, actually. Seonhwa made me read it when she realized it was about us.”
You shook your head. “It isn’t about us. We never ended together.”
The silence that followed filled with tension as Hyunjin looked at you, his gaze intense with emotions you hadn’t expected to find there. Didn’t want to find there either.
“We indeed haven’t”, he said after a time. “Maybe… maybe we could try being friends again, though?”
It was hopeful, and it was what you wanted the most. Because talking to him right now had reminded you of what it had been like to have him in your life. The familiarity with which you interacted… you needed it, really. More than you imagined.
“I would like that very much”, you said, nodding slightly. “I miss your mother’s cooking.”
Hyunjin burst out laughing. “Of course that’s what you think of.”
“You can’t blame me, her kimchi is legendary.”
“I’ll ask her to make a batch for you, I’ll bring it at the concert.”
You grinned. “You better, if you want me to consider you as my bias.”
“Nuna, we both know I’ve always been secretly your bias.”
“Right.” You chuckled, glancing at the people around you.
Strangely enough, talking with Hyunjin made you feel … alone in the world. As if it was just you two, and you had an eternity in front of you.
“How have your parents been doing?” Hyunjin asked, the question taking you by surprise.
“Great! Awesome, really. They spend half the year in Toronto now, and my brother has gone back to Canada full time.”
“Oh, he has? He never really adapted to Seoul, didn’t he?”
You shrugged. “He was older when we came here so I guess… I guess it was harder for him? He was in his last year of high school and he barely was able to make any friends.”
“Yeah, I remember. You were always concerned for him.”
You nodded. “Still am. Though he’s engaged now, and they are expecting a child.”
“Adoption?”
“Yeah! Funnily enough, his boyfriend is Korean, but they met back in Toronto.”
Hyunjin chuckled. “Awesome. He couldn’t fully escape Korea, couldn’t he?”
You laughed lightly. “Who can blame him, even I am in love with the Korean people, and you know how I hate people.”
Hyunjin laughed, before smirking. “Of course you are. That’s why I was always your favourite in high school.”
“You’re aware that everyone but me was Korean, right?”
He shrugged. “I still was your favourite, wasn’t I?”
You looked up, as if deep in thoughts. “Mmmh, I think I’ve always liked Jihoon better.”
“How scandalous, now that he’s married to Seonhwa.”
“I shall live my life in the regrets of never having told him he’s the better part of our group of friends”, you said, hand on your heart.
Hyunjin grinned goofily. “What a sad life.”
“At least I’ve got you as a consolation prize”, you said, winking at him as he furrowed his brows.
“Do you really, though?”
He winked as you pursed your lips to keep from smiling.
“You’re insufferable.”
“Always”, he said, cocking an eyebrow. “Especially if it annoys you.”
You chuckled, as silence moved around you. Though it was not an awkward silence. It felt comfortable with the familiarity that you always had had for each other… and you found you rather quite enjoyed it. Rather quite enjoyed that time and distance hadn’t changed you one bit. Even after the ache you both had caused the other.
“Do you want to dance?” Hyunjin asked, and your eyes widened slightly.
“I can’t dance with you, you’re a professional”, you replied quickly, as a small blush crept on your cheeks.
He shrugged. “Please, that’s never stopped you before.”
“You were barely a trainee back then, it doesn’t count”, you mumbled, as your heart raced in your chest.
He held out a hand for you, a small smile on his lips. Your eyes fell to his fingers, and you couldn’t help but notice the slight tremor of them.
So, he was anxious, too.
“Your loss if I step on your feet”, you finally said, grabbing his hand lightly, skin barely touching because you didn’t know if you’d be able to really hold him.
Not when your heart seemed to be dancing to its own beat now, a beat you didn’t know was echoed in his own chest too.
Hyunjin led you to the dancefloor, right as a song ended and a new one began. A wide smile spread on your lips as you realized it was a BTS song.
“Too bad they haven’t put any Stray Kids in the playlist, uh?” you said.
Hyunjin threw a puzzled expression your way, before leaning forward.
“What?” he asked.
You moved a little closer, so you could talk directly in his ear. “I said too bad they haven’t put any Stray Kids on the playlist.”
Hyunjin chuckled, and his warm breath tickled your ear as he moved even closer to speak. “That would have been a tad awkward, no?”
“Mmh, you could have shown us some of your choreographies, I’d say that would have been a win for all of us.”
He laughed once again, and you shut your eyes. The proximity of him… it felt so natural, and yet wrong. Wrong, because he had just barely come back into your life. You didn’t want to risk losing him by doing something stupid.
“Come to my next dance rehearsal. Then you can see me dance.”
He pulled away, just enough to look into your eyes.
“I’ll even introduce you to Changbin.”
Your cheeks once again tinted with pink. “That would be awesome.”
“But first, show me your moves, nuna.”
You chuckled, before downing the rest of your glass. “I hope you’re ready for a disaster.”
“It would never be a disaster with you.” He winked at you, and you shook your head as you rolled your eyes.
“I didn’t remember you being a flirt”, you said, but before he could say anything else, Seonhwa threw her arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer.
Seonhwa drunkenly said your name in your ear, making you laugh lightly. “Dance with me.”
And just like that, Seonhwa pulled you away from Hyunjin, and the two of you started dancing together, laughing as you moved along to the music.
“You’ve been talking to Hyunjin-ah”, Seonhwa said as you spun in a circle.
You chuckled. “I would have continued if you hadn’t pulled me away from him.”
“I’m just waiting for the next slow song so I can push you back in his arms.”
You shared a laugh, before you looked down at the glass in your hand.
“I should go put that down somewhere before I drop it here and there’s glass everywhere.”
“Well, come back quickly, I asked for a slow song next”, Seonhwa said. “I’m not letting you avoid Hyunjin any longer.”
“I’m not avoiding him, you literally pulled me away from him”, you grumbled, glancing over her shoulder to meet Hyunjin’s gaze.
He smiled and you smiled back, though Seonhwa caught your attention once again.
“He’s been talking about you, you know”, Seonhwa let out, voice barely above a whisper.
The only reason why you heard was because the song ended, and the promised ballad started.
“You told him to read my book”, you said reproachfully.
Seonhwa shrugged. “Yeah. It didn’t take a lot of convincing, he had already bought it.”
Your eyes widened. “He had?”
“You seem to forget that you were best friends once.”
“He ghosted me”, you reminded your friend.
Heads started turning your way as your tones became more vehement, and as you stood unmoving in the middle of the dancefloor while people slow-danced around you.
“Because he couldn’t see you with Hangyeol”, Seonhwa explained. “Surely you were aware of that.”
“We were just friends”, you said, gaze flickering around at the few people that were looking at you.
Seonhwa didn’t know about your fight. Unless Hyunjin had told her, but she had never mentioned anything…
“You never looked at him as if he was just your friend.”
You clenched your jaw. “It’s your wedding, let’s not talk about this.”
“Y/n…” Seonwha let out, but you were already walking away.
To where, you didn’t know. All you knew was that you had to get away.
On your way out, you put your empty glass down on a table, not once looking back to see if someone was following you. There was a garden outside, and you walked to the middle of it, where you found a small gurgling fountain next to which you sat, eyes moving up to the starry night sky.
You took a deep breath to calm down the wild beats of your heart, as you scolded yourself. For causing a scene at your best friend’s wedding, mostly. But for also thinking that everything between you and Hyunjin could be fixed by a simple conversation.
You had to remind yourself that you didn’t know him anymore. And no matter how much you had missed him, he had still been the one to ghost you. On your birthday, of all moments. Were you ever going to be able to forgive him for that?
The answer to that came to you far quicker than you thought it would, as the shuffling of footsteps was heard over the gurgling of the fountain. Your gaze moved towards the path from which you had come, down which Hyunjin was now walking. Towards you.
He looked even better under the light of a thousand stars, if that was possible.
“Are you okay?” he asked, walking closer.
His hands were in his pockets, and he looked the perfect picture of nonchalance. As if everything that was in your past didn’t matter anymore.
And truly, maybe it didn’t.
“Yeah, sorry”, you said, looking down at your hands in your lap. “I needed a breather.”
“Can I sit with you?” he asked as he stopped a few steps in front of you, as if not wanting to invade your privacy.
You nodded, patting the stone bench next to you. “Yeah, come here.”
He smiled, and soon enough he was sat next to you. Almost close enough for your thighs to touch, and the space between you felt alive with electricity.
“Don’t listen to Seonhwa”, Hyunjin said after a moment of silence. “She really wanted to set us up tonight.”
“What?” you let out, bewilderment filling your entire being.
He chuckled lightly. “Seonhwa is a busybody, and she has taken it upon herself to set us up. She said we should have always been together.”
“She didn’t tell me that”, you admitted. “I… She knows we’re not even friends anymore.”
Hyunjin seemed to tense next to you. “And that’s my fault. I’ll forever hate myself for it.”
You scanned his profile as he was looking down at the ground in front of his feet.
“But I’ve matured”, he added after a time. “And I don’t want to live my life without you in it.” He looked up to meet your gaze. “You were my best friend, Y/n. You still are.”
“Hyunjin-ah…” you let out breathlessly.
“I’m serious, it fucking sucks without you around.”
Silence met his words, as the echoes of them seemed to fill the air around you.
“Seonhwa really shouldn’t interfere in stuff that doesn’t concern her”, you eventually whispered.
He chuckled. “Yeah, indeed.”
Another few beats of silence passed, as you just exchanged a long look. A look that conveyed more than words ever could.
“I’ll come to your dance rehearsal and your concert, Jinnie. It fucking sucks without you in my life too”, you finally said.
The warm smile that grew on his lips put the stars to shame. “I would love that. Let’s be friends again.”
“Let’s please be”, you agreed.
He wet his lips, as his eyes twinkled with emotions. The same emotions he could see in your own eyes, you were sure of it.
“You look beautiful, by the way”, he breathed. “I wanted to tell you earlier, but I didn’t really know how to approach you.”
You blushed, looking away from him. “Stop it. You aren’t usually one to compliment me.”
“It’s a new friendship, let’s set different rules for it”, he said, shrugging. “If you want.”
“You… just friends, right?”
He nodded. “I can’t offer you more anyway.” He paused, as you remained silent. “Not that you would want more, but you know what I mean.”
You almost said that you had wanted more since that day he had confessed to you, but you kept it in. Because it wasn’t entirely true, and your mind was just drowning in the softness of the moment.
“I do.” You nodded, a small smile growing on your lips.
And even though your heart seemed to beat steadier when he was next to you, you knew that you would be content in being just his friend. It was better than not having him in your life anyway.
*****
You bit your bottom lip, as anxiety moved through your blood. You had been anxious ever since you had gotten to the dance rehearsal, even more as Hyunjin had introduced you to the seven other band members. Who all seemed to know who you were already, and you didn’t quite know what to make of it.
You were currently at JYP entertainment’s studios, a place you had never expected you’d visit one day. The room in which you were was wide, with mirrors along one of the walls, in front of which the boys had been dancing for a while.
That also meant that you were hearing one of their unreleased songs on repeat, and you had had to sign an agreement not to record anything. It had all been very awkward, and you almost regretted coming. Especially after you were told you would have to sit in one corner of the room, from which the camera that was filming them couldn’t see you.
You hadn’t realized what being friends with Hyunjin was going to be like until you were sat in that corner.
“Fuck”, Hyunjin cursed as he plopped himself down next to you.
You looked at him as he wiped the sweat on his brow.
“I’m sorry I barely can talk to you”, he apologized. “I didn’t know we were going to be recorded today.”
You shrugged. “It’s okay, it feels like a private show.”
And it kind of did, but mostly it felt as if you were stuck in some kind of a dream.
You didn’t know if you liked it.
“Hope you enjoy it”, Hyunjin said, smiling as he took a deep breath. “It wouldn’t be so damn long if we didn’t keep messing up.”
“You’re the one messing up”, Changbin said as he stopped next to you two.
You looked up, meeting his gaze for half a moment before looking away.
You didn’t know what Hyunjin had told Changbin about you, but he was the member that had spoken to you the most ever since you had gotten here.
“We don’t usually have spectators”, Hyunjin said, shrugging.
You chuckled. “You perform in front of crowds all the time.”
“He’s been anxious about you being here”, Changbin admitted, and Hyunjin sprung to his feet.
“Shut it”, he said, pushing Changbin playfully as the guy laughed.
“Just being honest.” Changbin shrugged, and you chuckled as you watched Hyunjin’s cheeks turning red.
“Don’t listen to him”, Hyunjin said, meeting your gaze.
He held out a hand for you to take and you grabbed it as he pulled you to your feet.
“They’re just jealous that I’ve got a pretty girl coming to see me”, he added, winking at you as Changbin burst out laughing.
You knew you had turned beet red, but you tried to play it cool.
“So you think I’m pretty, uh?” you teased as you let go of his hands. “Too bad I really came here to see Changbin.”
Changbin’s eyes widened as he looked between the two of you. “Don’t bring me into this.”
“Who can blame you, Changbin’s the best of us”, Felix said as he threw an arm around said boy’s shoulders.
You laughed lightly, glancing at Hyunjin as you felt the weight of his gaze on you. He was smiling softly, and it warmed you inside.
Felix said something to Changbin that you couldn’t hear, and a second later the two boys were walking away, leaving you alone with Hyunjin.
“Do you like the new song?” he asked after a moment.
You nodded quickly. “Oh, it’s really good. I’m going to have it stuck in my head for a while now though.”
“The perks of hearing a song on repeat for hours on end”, Hyunjin said, laughing. “We should be done soon though.”
“No pressure, I have nothing to do today anyway.”
“Then if you want, I can give you a tour of the studios after?” he suggested, running a hand through his half-undone hair.
Though he had tied his hair back, dancing had caused him to be quite disheveled… and yet he still looked so effortlessly good.
It was unfair, really.
“Sure, I’d love to”, you accepted. “Only if we get something to eat too, I’m starving.”
Just on cue, your stomach grumbled, earning you a laugh from Hyunjin.
“Of course I’ll get you something to eat.” He undid his half bun, blond hair falling around his face.
You just watched him in awe as he tried to pull it back into a new bun, but failed to do so.
“Do you need help?” you asked, chuckling, as a few strands of hair escaped the bun.
“Honestly, I think I do.” He handed you the hair tie, before turning around.
You hoped he couldn’t feel your hands shaking as you raised them and ran them through his hair, once.
“You’ll have to bend down, you’re too tall for me”, you said, voice small.
“Right.” He obeyed, and you once again ran your hands through his hair.
It was silky soft, just like you remembered it, even though it was sweaty. You skillfully tied it back, massaging his scalp for a little before taking a step back.
Ignoring the way you could see Minho and Han looking at you and speaking in ushed tones.
“Thanks, nuna”, Hyunjin said as he straightened and turned to look at you, blocking the view of his band mates. “I’ll have to go back now, but we shouldn’t be long still.”
You nodded, pulling on the dry skin of your bottom lip. Hyunjin’s eyes dipped down to your lips, and you felt your cheeks burning.
Though they had been burning for a while, now, in all honesty.
You heard Hyunjin taking a deep breath before he turned around and walked away, leaving you standing there and feeling awkward.
You clearly couldn’t manage that friend thing at all.
You sat back down, fiddling with your fingers as the music started playing once again, and they went through the choreography a few times.
That distracted you from your thoughts… until you realized you were paying way too much attention to the way that Hyunjin was moving his body. It was then that you grabbed your phone instead of paying attention, because really you didn’t think you could trust your thoughts anymore.
You scrolled on Instagram while the boys practiced, not even realizing that the music had stopped until someone grabbed your phone out of your hands.
“Hey!” you let out.
“What are you doing?” Hyunjin asked. “Are we boring you?”
You scrambled to your feet, trying to grab your phone from Hyunjin’s hands, but he put it over his head, out of your reach.
“No, give me my phone”, you grumbled.
“Instagram is better than our dance rehearsal?” he asked as he looked up, scrolling on your phone. “Wait, were you really watching edits of us?”
“Give me my phone”, you begged as you tried to get to it.
He looked down at you, and you only then realized how close you were standing. Only then realized that you had put one hand on his chest to try to get to your phone.
You didn’t move for a time, only holding each other’s gaze. You looked between his two eyes, breath coming up short, until you glanced down at his lips.
That seemed to startle him out of the trance you had been in, and he took a step back, which almost made you stumble forward.
“Here”, he said, cheeks red and you grabbed your phone, a shot of electricity running through your arm as your fingers touched.
“Thanks”, you breathed as you looked down at the device to turn it off. “Are you finished yet?”
He nodded. “Yeah, I can give you a tour now. Unless you want to eat first.”
He looked behind him, which had you looking at the other members too.
“I think the boys are going to get a bite and some drinks now, so it’s really up to you”, he said.
His eyes found yours again. “I… I don’t mind, do you want to go with them?”
He chuckled. “As long as you’re with me, I don’t mind what we do.”
You blushed, chuckling lightly. “Well then, we can go with them. If they don’t mind, that is.”
“Of course they don’t mind”, Hyunjin reassured you. “They’re going back home, though.”
“Right, you all live together”, you said.
He nodded. “Yeah, so I can give you a tour another time, maybe?” He scratched the nape of his neck, tilting his head to the side. “If you’d like that, of course.”
“Yeah. Yes, definitely.” You looked at Bang Chan, who was walking towards you.
“So, are you guys coming?” he asked.
“Yeah, we’ll be right behind you”, Hyunjin replied.
“Don’t be too long, we’re starving.” Bang Chan smiled at you, before meeting up with the boys at the door. They exited the room, leaving you and Hyunjin alone, as the staff had already left too.
“Thank you for coming”, Hyunjin said. “I really am sorry I couldn’t talk to you more.”
A smile grew on your lips. “It’s fine, Jinnie, at least we’re hanging out now.”
He chuckled. “Yeah. And you’ll be happy to know I have some of my mom’s kimchi at the dorm.”
Your eyes lit up as you grinned. “This is the best day of my life.”
His lips spread into a smile too, and he nodded towards the door. “I can get you some of that bungeoppang too. Since you won the bet about Seonhwa and Jihoon.”
“Right, I had forgotten about that”, you said, laughing lightly. “Let’s do that. You’re going to have to give me that painting too.”
“It’s in my room, just leave with it”, he said, smiling. “It’ll be missed dearly, though.”
“Wait”, you said, eyes widening. “You brought it to your dorm?”
He wet his lips, nodding. “Yeah, how else was I supposed to remember where I came from?”
“A weird way to keep you humble.”
He shrugged, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “The dorm needed decoration anyway, so I figured why not.”
“Right.” You chuckled. There was a silence, during which you just looked at each other. You didn’t like the way that it made you feel inside, but you couldn’t stop looking at him. “Should we go, before the members leave without us?”
“I’ll grab my stuff, hold on.”
You watched as he jogged to the other side of the room, where he had left a duffel bag with god knows what in it, as he hadn’t even touched it. You followed him as he aimed for the door, turning to look at you.
“I’m really happy you came”, he said, a soft smile lighting up his eyes.
“That’s what she said”, you joked, and Hyunjin burst out laughing.
“I really fucking missed your childish jokes”, he said as you left the room.
You grinned wickedly. “Happy to provide with your daily dose of bad jokes.”
He laughed, eyes crinkled with his smile. “Hopefully you won’t start with puns again.”
“Seonwha has always been better than me with puns, don’t worry about it.”
You continued chatting for a while, falling back into your usual familiarity, all tension gone from the conversation. You made it to the dorm as you talked and joked and laughed, as if no time had passed between you. As if you still were kids in high school, with no responsibilities and worries in life.
It was healing, really. To be with him like that again.
And even though you hadn’t known his band mates before today, they all were welcoming too. Warm, even, though they all seemed to be keeping some sort of a distance. It had you wondering what Hyunjin had said about you, and you figured it was better if you didn’t know.
After you all ate – Hyunjin’s mom’s kimchi was as good as you remembered – you sat in the living room of one of their dorms, drinking soju and beer and chatting about everything and nothing. The boys eventually started playing Smash on a switch, and you found yourself sitting on the couch, between Hyunjin and Changbin. The latter was sitting really close to you, and the heat of his body made you feel… strange inside.
All the stranger, because each time you looked at Hyunjin he had a knowing smile on his lips.
Was he trying to set you up with Changbin?
“Should we invite Hayoon and her friends?” Bang Chan said from where he was laying on the floor.
“You want a consolation prize because I’ve just beaten your ass in Smash?” Felix asked.
Bang Chan threw a pillow at Felix, and the group laughed.
Only you seemed to have noticed that Hyunjin had tensed next to you.
“Are you sure it’s a good idea?” Seungmin asked. “Didn’t she have sex with Jinnie last week?”
That explained Hyunjin’s tensing. Your eyes widened slightly, and you glanced at Hyunjin as the boy seemed to want to disappear through the floor.
“Shut up, Seungmin”, Hyunjin grumbled.
There was a silence, and Bang Chan, Felix and Seugmin turned to look at Hyunjin. The latter’s eyes widened as he glanced at you, before resuming his attention on Hyunjin.
“Sorry bro”, Seungmin let out.
There was another awkward silence, only interrupted by the music of the game on the television. Bang Chan eventually scraped his throat, before handing his controller to Jeongin.
“Should we play another round?” he asked. “Who hasn’t played yet?”
Though you hadn’t played, you remained silent, sipping on your beer instead. You had never been quite a fan of beer, but you had assumed that drinking would help ease your nerves. It seemed you had been wrong.
Or maybe realizing that Hyunjin had an entire side to him that you didn’t know of was making you feel anxious.
“Do you want to play?” Changbin asked you, voice low so only you could hear.
You blushed slightly – talking to one’s bias was definitely not an easy feat.
“I’m trash, I don’t think I should play”, you replied and he chuckled.
“It doesn’t matter, we’re just playing around”, he reassured you, smiling softly.
You nodded once. “Alright then, I guess I can play.”
Changbin handed you the controller he was holding and you put your beer down on the coffee table in front of you. You sat back in the couch, glancing once at Hyunjin, who was looking down at the bottle he was holding.
“Do you know how to play?” Changbin asked.
“She’s just going to press all the buttons and call it a day”, Hyunjin said from beside you.
You stifled a laugh and you turned your head towards him.
The small smile on his lips reassured you in ways you couldn’t quite yet understand.
“And what about it?”
He laughed and you smiled softly, before turning back towards Changbin.
“I’ll be fine, I don’t care if I lose”, you said and Changbin chuckled.
“Jeongin is good, so you were probably going to lose anyway.”
You all laughed, and then started playing the game. You chose the Wii fit trainer as your character, which led to you being unable to stop laughing during all the fight, and of course Jeongin beat your ass. Though you couldn’t even stop laughing afterwards, especially not when Hyunjin played next and won against Jeongin, by playing with said Wii fit trainer.
You kept on playing for a while, and soon enough your mind was buzzing with alcohol and you felt far more comfortable with all the boys. It helped that Hyunjin was being a little sassy shit, and you and Changbin teamed up against him, teasing him to no end.
It was one hell of a great night, if you were being honest to yourself.
“How did you guys meet?” Changbin asked later that night, after Felix, Minho, Seungmin and Jeongin had gone back to their own dorm.
Bang Chan had disappeared in his room a while ago too, but Han was still with you, playing Smash online. He was currently winning his fourth game in a row.
“His first day of high school”, you said. “I was showing his class around the school and he started talking to me because he wanted to know where I was from.”
“And you had a tea and you dropped it on me, don’t forget”, Hyunjin recalled, tone teasing. “You’re lucky it wasn’t hot anymore.”
“You’re the one who ran into me, dumbass”, you said, laughing. “Wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t been looking at me like that instead of looking at where you were going.”
“I was following you, of course I was looking at you! You just stopped dead in your tracks.”
“Mmh”, you let out.
You both turned towards Changbin, who had followed your exchange with slightly widened eyes.
“That’s cute”, he said as you just looked at him.
You all chuckled and then Han cheered, gaining your attention as he won his fifth game in a row.
“I’m on fire tonight baby”, he said, and Hyunjin high-fived him before sitting back in the couch.
“You’re only winning because you’re not playing against one of us”, he said.
Han turned towards Hyunjin, an offended look on his features. “Fuck off, Jinnie.”
You all started laughing, and then Han handed Hyunjin a controller.
“If you think you’re so good, then try to win against me.”
“I’ve drunk way too much for that”, Hyunjin admitted, shaking his head no. “Though I’d take another beer.”
You chuckled, feeling pretty drunk yourself. “I think we drank everything you guys had.”
“This is the end of the world”, Hyunjin said, putting a hand on his heart dramatically. “We’re all going to die.”
“Shut up, loser.” You laughed, punching him playfully in the shoulder.
Though you were still sitting closer to Changbin, the space between you and Hyunjin once again filled with electricity. As it often did now.
Hyunjin grabbed your hand, a smirk moving over his features. “We should play against each other. I’m pretty sure I’ll beat your ass.”
“Anyone here could beat my ass”, you complained. “Why would I play against you?”
“If you win I’ll let you sleep in my bed”, he said, head tilting to the side. “I’ll take the couch.”
You furrowed your brows. “Who said I’m sleeping here?”
Changbin chuckled from beside you, as if aware of what Hyunjin was planning. Because clearly, he was up to no good.
“I did”, Hyunjin replied, shrugging. “I won’t let you walk home so late.”
Brows still knit together, you grabbed your phone to check the time. “Oh shit.”
Han laughed as he threw you a look over his shoulder.
“So, you’re staying tonight”, Hyunjin declared. “And you get the bed if you win against me.”
“I’d say yes if I were you, Y/n”, Changbin said from beside you. “Chan’s room is close and he snores loudly, you don’t want to have to sleep in the living room.”
You glanced at Changbin, before returning your gaze to Hyunjin’s. “It’s not like we haven’t shared a bed before.”
His smirk only widened. “Well then, why don’t we head to bed? I’m tired.”
Right on cue, he yawned, which in turn made you yawn too. Changbin and Han remained silent, as if aware that you two needed privacy for a moment.
“You promise to stay on your side of the bed?” you asked softly.
“Of course, nuna”, he replied gently, his smirk melting into a soft smile. “Shall we?” he asked, getting up and extending a hand out for you to take.
You did, entwining your fingers, before glancing at Changbin.
“It was nice to meet you”, you told him, before looking towards Han, who had started another game. “You too, Jisung.”
“Nice to meet you”, the two boys echoed, and you got up to follow Hyunjin to his bedroom.
Strangely enough, it felt as if your heart was going to burst in your chest. And not because you were happy, but rather because you were becoming more and more anxious with every step you took. You could feel Hyunjin’s hand shaking in yours, so you knew he was feeling exactly the same way.
What was wrong with you?
You walked into Hyunjin’s bedroom, and the boy closed the door behind you as you took a few steps forward in the cool darkness of the room. Red LED lights turned on, and you spun around to look at Hyunjin.
You looked at each other in silence for a time, until your eyes scanned the room, landing on the painting that was hung over his bed.
“I can’t believe you’ve put it on display like that”, you murmured, right as Hyunjin moved farther into his room, sitting on the side of his bed.
“It holds great memories, how could I not?” he whispered.
You walked to his side, sitting next to him, as he looked at his hands in his lap.
“I know we have barely started to talk again…” you started, putting your head on his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around you to pull you closer. “But I’m really happy to be here with you.”
“You have no idea how happy I am too”, he replied, putting his head on top of yours. “You remind me of before.”
“Before what?” you asked curiously.
“All of this”, he said, motioning with his other hand to your surroundings. “Sometimes I forget that I wasn’t always an idol… and I miss it. I miss when life was simpler.”
You pursed your lips, moving a little closer to him. “I miss it too. Not when you weren’t an idol, because to me you haven’t changed, but when we used to make memories every day. Those are the best memories of my life.”
“Even when I accidentally burned some of your hair with your curling iron?”
You chuckled, smiling fondly at the memory. “Even that. All of it, if I’m being honest.”
Though you had looked quite weird for a time, as the strand of hair hadn’t grown back in over a year.
Hyunjin sighed and you looked up at him, pulling away slightly so you could gaze into his eyes.
“We were stupid, weren’t we?” he asked.
It was your turn to sigh. “We were young. Stupidity and youth often go hand in hand together.”
A smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “We’re still young, you know that, right?”
You nodded. “We’re not teenagers anymore, though. So, we’re a little less stupid.”
“I wish I still was stupid”, he murmured, as his eyes dipped to your lips.
Your breath caught in your throat, and you became all too aware of every inch of him that was touching you. “Please don’t”, you breathed.
He slightly nodded before getting up and moving away from you. “You’ve never dated after Hangyeol, have you?” he asked as he started rummaging through a drawer.
The change of subject had the effect of a cold shower on you. “No. Well, yes and no. I went on a blind date once, but it didn’t go well.”
“Mmh”, he let out, as he got an oversized white sweater out of the drawer. He threw it at you and you caught it, looking at him quizzically. “So, you don’t sleep in your clothes.”
“Oh”, you said. You looked down at yourself, and then at his unmade bed. “You still don’t make your bed.”
He chuckled, and when you turned to look at him your mind went completely blank.
He had taken off his shirt without you realizing.
You blushed, looking down at the sweater in your hands, as your heart went crazy in your chest. You heard him putting on a shirt more than you saw him, and you didn’t look up until he moved closer to you.
“There’s a bathroom outside of my room. First door to the right, if you want to get changed in private.”
You nodded, before getting up. “You’re sure you don’t mind me sleeping here?”
He smiled, cocking an eyebrow. “Didn’t you just say it isn’t our first time sleeping together anyway?”
You rolled your eyes, before moving around him to head to the door. “Right, never mind.”
His laugh followed you out of the bedroom, and you went to the bathroom, where you changed, hands trembling slightly at the thought of putting on some of his clothes.
Just like when you were younger.
You moved back to his bedroom when you were done, only dressed in the oversized sweater, which rested around the middle of your thigh. Not something you would have worn in public, but it would suffice for sleeping.
Hyunjin was already in bed, scrolling on his phone, when you walked in. He glanced at you, and quickly looked away as you put your clothes down on the chair of his desk. He had put a wall of pillows in the middle of the bed, and you laughed as you moved closer.
“Did you really do that?” you asked, sitting on the left side of the bed.
He looked at you from his side. “I figured you wanted your privacy.”
You smiled softly. “How kind.”
You settled down under the covers, turning to face Hyunjin. You pulled down one of the pillows until his face came into view.
“I like the LED lights”, you said. “Gives the room a chill vibe.”
He looked around, before resuming his attention on you. “It does. Red is better when you go to bed anyway.”
You furrowed your brows.
“Something about your brain producing melatonin”, he said, shrugging his shoulders – which proved to be awkward in his position.
“Right”, you nodded.
You looked at each other for a time, until you looked away. Holding his gaze was becoming far too difficult when he looked at you like… that.
“You keep your hair tied back when you sleep?” you asked, trying to change the subject.
Change it from what, you didn’t know.
“Ah”, he let out. “I don’t.” He sat up, untying his hair.
It fell around his face, and he put the hair tie on his night table before lying down again.
“Can I play with your hair?” you asked, unaware that you were going to ask until the words had crossed your lips.
It was hard to tell in the red light, but you were pretty sure he had blushed.
“You’ve always loved to do that, have you?”
It was your turn to blush, and you really did hope that the red light was hiding it.
“Your hair is really soft”, you explained, or tried to, because really you had no idea why you had asked in the first place.
He moved closer, turning around so you had access to the back of his head.
It was easier to breathe when he wasn’t looking at you, you realized. That was until you started running a hesitant hand through his hair, and he sighed as you massaged his scalp.
“I think the part I missed the most about us is this”, he whispered, and you chuckled.
“I thought you missed my jokes”, you said, teasing.
He laughed. “Nothing beats you playing with my hair.”
“Not even when other girls do it?” you asked, as your fingers paused their dance in his hair.
He didn’t reply for a long time. “You heard what Seungmin said, uh?”
“Well, it was hard not to hear it, he yelled it”, you said, tone… hesitant, really. Because you didn’t know why you were bringing that up.
It wasn’t like you cared, no?
“I don’t date, if that reassures you”, he said. “But… I’m not against casual sex.”
You resumed playing with his hair. “Do you do that a lot?”
You would have given a lot to be able to look him in the eyes as you had asked the question.
“Not particularly”, he replied. “I don’t do feelings and relationships, so…”
“Because of the clause?”
He chuckled, and it sounded bitter. “Not really. The clause has never really stopped anyone.”
Your heart picked up its pace as the words settled in. “Then why don’t you?”
“I…” he let out, before pausing for a long time. So long you almost thought he was never going to reply. “I’ve never really met anyone that I’ve liked enough to consider that.”
You almost gulped, as your fight echoed in your mind, even though years had passed since then.
He hadn’t met anyone after you, he meant. You were convinced of it.
“I’m sorry”, you breathed.
“Don’t be, it’s not like I really have time to date anyway”, he said.
He turned on his back, glancing at you as your hand hovered next to his face. “Why didn’t you date after your ex?”
You turned on your back too, hand moving away from him, though the silky ghost of his hair still played on your fingers.
“It didn’t really end well, as you already know”, you whispered. “It’s been hard to trust anyone since then.”
Though he was unaware that most of your trust issues came from when he had ghosted you.
“I wish I would have been wrong”, he said gently. “You didn’t deserve the way he treated you.”
Your heart ached in your chest for a moment. You remembered the fight, and how he had warned you about Hangyeol… Ever since Hangyeol had told you he had been cheating, you had often found yourself wondering. Wondering what would have happened if you had listened to Hyunjin. If you had decided to give him a chance, back then.
A part of you wondered if you would have been like Jihoon and Seonwha.
“Nobody deserves to be cheated on”, you said, shrugging it off. Because you didn’t want him to remind you of just how much you had screwed up.
“Yeah.”
You fell silent, looking up at his ceiling, until he turned to look at you. It took you a while to look at him too. Your eyes fell to the mole under his left eye, and you pursed your lips.
“We should go to sleep.” Your words were barely above a whisper, and he slightly nodded.
“We should”, he agreed. “Thank you for coming today.”
“Thank you for inviting me, Jinnie.”
You exchanged a soft smile, until you yawned once again.
“I’ll take that as a cue to turn off the lights”, Hyunjin said, chuckling. “Good night, nuna.”
“Good night”, you replied, sighing as you nuzzled your face in the silk of your pillow. The room fell dark, the echo of the red light playing against the sudden darkness. “Stay on your side of the bed.”
He laughed lightly, the sound the last thing you heard before falling asleep, far quicker than you had in a while now.
*****
You woke up with a pounding headache, feeling way too warm for your own good. You kept your eyes shut for a while, apprehending the moment you’d open them… until you realized why you felt so warm.
And no, it wasn’t because you were wearing a sweater.
Your eyes fluttered open, breath catching in your throat as you realized that Hyunjin was pressed against you, face nuzzled in your neck as you were laying on your back. His arm was on your stomach, and his soft breathing indicated to you that he was still very much so asleep.
Asleep and cuddling you, for God’s sake.
You didn’t move for a while, breathing in the scent of him as his proximity filled your nose with the fragrance of his shampoo, and maybe some cologne he had been wearing last night. His hair was tickling your face, and you slightly turned it away from him, though you didn’t quite feel like putting any sort of distance between you.
Not when he seemed so peaceful.
As your heart raced in your chest, you hoped that he couldn’t hear it. Really fucking hoped, otherwise you were afraid it’d wake him up.
You took a steadying breath as you shut your eyes once again. His room was still dark, so there was no use to getting up. Especially not when he was close to you like that, and it felt as if no time had separated you at all.
You wondered what he would think, if he were to wake up right now, so close to you you could feel his chest moving every time he took a breath. You liked to think that he would be happy. That, maybe, he had done it on purpose, and not while he was sleeping.
It was a dangerous thought to have, when your friendship was still so precarious. So close to falling off the edge, you felt… threatened. By him. By the thought of him and his words and the way he was still looking at you after all these years.
Best friends indeed.
Hyunjin’s arm tightened around your stomach, and he pulled you even closer. Too close for your own comfort. Where the hell was the pillow wall anyway?
He chuckled, deep sound reverberating through his chest. “I was.”
He made no move to move away from you, and you felt yourself relaxing, even if the proximity of him… it was a danger. A threat to your own sanity.
“Seems I’ve crossed the pillow wall”, he whispered against the skin of your neck, and the feeling of his lips on you made you lose your mind.
“Hyunjin-ah…” you breathed out, heart beating out of your chest.
“I’ll go back to my side”, he said. Though he didn’t move for a time. As if waiting for you to ask him to stay.
You couldn’t. You couldn’t ask him that, knowing just how dangerous it was to let him in like that. He had broken your heart without a single ounce of regret, hadn’t he?
Though maybe you had been the one to break his heart in the first place.
The weight of his arm lifted from your stomach, and you almost whined at the loss of contact. It scared you shitless.
He moved away, and the bed suddenly seemed very cold. Though the cold came from within, and you were all too aware of it.
“I’m sorry I cuddled you like that”, he said after a moment of silence.
“Oh”, you let out. “It’s okay, don’t worry about it.”
In fact… you were disappointed. Disappointed that he had moved away, and you hadn’t asked him to stay close.
You rather liked to have him so close to you like that.
“Good.” He yawned, and you glanced his way, though you couldn’t quite see him in the darkness. “Good night”, he added a few seconds later, and his breathing evened out, indicating that he had already fallen back asleep.
You almost were jealous of it, as you knew sleep would avoid you for the rest of the night. Especially since your heart was still racing in your chest, and it didn’t seem to be slowing down anytime soon.
Fucking hell.
*****
The next few days passed in a weird anxious blur, with you and Hyunjin not seeing each other except that morning after you had slept in the same bed. He texted you a lot though, more than you had thought he would, and it really felt as if no time had passed. As if you were still the same Jinnie and Y/n, and really you loved every second of it.
Especially as you finished the first draft of your second novel, and submitted to your editor a week in advance. Not a big win, but something you were proud of nonetheless. It seemed you had found your inspiration back, and you were no fool.
You knew it was all thanks to Hyunjin.
The day of the concert came far quicker than you had thought it would, and you stood in front of your closet for a long while, not knowing what to wear at all. You still had Hyunjin’s sweater, but you didn’t feel it was… appropriate, for a concert. Especially not when Hyunjin had posted pictures of him in that sweater in the past, so fans could connect the dots between you.
Something you didn’t want happening, as you were just friends.
Instead, you chose a short black skirt, that you paired with a white t-shirt, along with black converse shoes. It was a cute yet simple outfit, that you paired with your lilac purse.
You curled your hair, putting on a bit of make-up too. Just eyeliner and mascara, as you had to get to the venue in advance. Indeed, Hyunjin had invited you to the soundcheck during the afternoon, and you didn’t want to miss it for the world.
You made your way to the concert venue with public transport, mind filled with memories of you and Hyunjin back in the days. Mostly, you thought about his parents, whom you hadn’t seen since before he had ghosted you, and whom you had already appreciated, as they had always made you feel welcomed under their roof. You wondered if Hyunjin would invite you over for dinner, and you thought maybe you should suggest it to him.
After all, he had been the one to invite you to the dance rehearsal earlier this week, and to the concert today. It was only fair if you tried to plan something now.
You made a mental note to talk to him about it when you would get the chance today, as you got out of public transport to walk the rest of the distance to the venue. You texted him that you were there, and he told you to meet him at a garage entry, which proved to be a lot harder to find than you had expected.
After fifteen minutes of searching, Hyunjin called you on your phone, clearly wondering what was taking so long. You picked up the call, unable to hide the annoyance from your voice.
“Where the fuck is the garage?” you asked and he burst out laughing.
“You know where the front doors are?”
“Yeah”, you let out.
“Turn left from there. It’s on the other side of the building, but that’s the quickest way to get there.”
“I’ll be there soon. But please stay with me”, you begged, as you quickened your pace to make it back to the front doors.
“They’re expecting me in five minutes, so be quick”, he said, voice sounding far from the phone. “I’ll hide so they don’t find me here.”
You chuckled, as you neared the corner of the building. “I’m almost back to the front.”
“I’d meet you there if I wasn’t afraid to be seen by fans”, he said.
“It sucks to be famous, does it?” you teased him.
Though a crowd of fans came into view, which surprised you, because the doors didn’t open until seven tonight. But then again, you also had arrived early to all the BTS concerts you had gone to, so you didn’t blame Stray Kids’ fans for doing the same.
You walked around the crowd, picking up your pace even more as Hyunjin sighed.
“They’re calling my name”, he whispered in the phone. “You’re going to get me in trouble.”
“I’m not going to start running, that would be suspicious”, you said. “Hold on, I’m almost there.”
Soon enough, you finally found the garage, and Hyunjin walked out of where he was hiding, though you could barely call it a hiding spot. The crew hadn’t really searched for him if they hadn’t seen him standing behind the bus.
“Hey”, he said, hanging up the phone as you came into view.
You jogged towards him, and you quickly hugged, before walking in the building.
“This place was far too hard to find”, you grumbled as Hyunjin led you down a hallway.
He chuckled. “I’m glad you made it though. Tonight’s going to be fun.”
As he smiled at you over his shoulder, you felt your cheeks burning. It was going to be fun indeed, especially since she was going to be with him.
Well, not when he was going to be on the scene, of course. But the rest of the time yes.
You followed Hyunjin down a few hallways, almost jogging behind him as he was walking far quicker than your small legs could allow you. He laughed at you, and you playfully pushed him.
“You’re annoying”, you said.
“You’ve got tiny legs”, he countered-back.
You squinted your eyes at him in annoyance. “The concert has better be good if you made me come here just to insult me.”
He chuckled, eyes sparkling with mischief as he looked at you. “Our concerts are never bad, nuna.”
You moved into a wider room, where people were running around, trying to get everything ready in time for the concert.
“Hyunjin-ah!” a young woman said as she stopped next to you. “We’ve been looking for you everywhere, the others are already on the scene.”
“Sorry, I was waiting for her slow ass”, he apologized, pointing to you.
“Hey!” you let out, and you moved to punch him but he jogged out of your reach, before turning around and winking at you.
“I’ll be back soon, don’t miss me too much”, he teased, and then he was gone.
You just stood there awkwardly, not really knowing what to do. The young woman who had talked to Hyunjin hadn’t moved, and she looked between you and the place where Hyunjin had disappeared.
“So, you must be Y/n”, she said, as her eyes finally settled on you.
You nodded, though a slight blush crept on your cheeks. Had Hyunjin told everyone about you already?
“I’m Yuna”, the girl said. “Nice to meet you.”
You bowed at the same time, as you echoed Yuna’s last words.
“I’m Hyunjin’s hair stylist”, Yuna continued. “I was supposed to dye his hair before the soundcheck.” She sighed, and you only then noticed the hair product Yuna was holding.
“I can help you with that after, if you want”, you suggested.
Yuna’s eyes lit up. “That would be really helpful.”
“I’d be glad to help”, you said, smiling. Though a tiny part of you knew why you had suggested…
Goddamn it, were you really jealous of his hair stylist?
As you waited for Hyunjin to finish the soundcheck, you moved closer to the stage, though you didn’t really have a good view of it from backstage. A crew member told you that there were going to be TVs later, which was a relief, but you still managed to catch a glimpse of the boys as they sang a couple of songs, just to make sure the mics were well tuned and that everything was going to go smoothly later.
Once Hyunjin came back, along with the others, you stood to the side to let everyone pass, as Hyunjin was the last one in the line. He stopped next to you, a little out of breath and smiling widely, and truly he looked so happy it almost made your heart burst right then and there.
“Excited for tonight?” he asked.
You grinned back at him, unable to hold your smile in when he was looking at you like that. “Yes. But now we’ve got to get your hair dyed.”
He nodded, and you walked back towards the main backstage room. “Yeah, my hair is going red for tonight.”
“Ooh, can’t wait to see”, you said, chuckling. “I’ll help your stylist because I was the one to cause the delay.”
Hyunjin smiled, and his fingers brushed the back of your hand as you walked towards the chair where Yuna was waiting for you. The feel of his fingers against your hand had your heart missing a couple of beats, and you quickly pulled your hand away, pretending to put your hair behind your ear.
You were blushing again, for God’s sake.
“Yuna looks pissed, doesn’t she?” Hyunjin whispered as you walked, and you chuckled, though it sounded more like you were choking on air.
You really needed to get a hold of yourself when you were around him. You barely were friends again, and there you were letting your heart betray you like that.
“She does”, you said after a few more seconds of silence. “She probably hates me.”
“Nobody can hate you, nuna”, he reassured you, gently nudging you with his elbow. “Except when you’re being a little shit, then I do hate you.”
“Jinnie!”
You laughed as you punched him in the shoulder.
“You’re even worse than you were before.”
“Oh, you’ve barely seen anything”, he said, chuckling, as you finally reached Yuna’s side.
Yuna got up from the chair, motioning at it with her hand. Hyunjin sat, and soon enough she had a towel wrapped around his shoulders to make sure no dye got on his shirt. She then handed some gloves to you, and you put them on as Hyunjin carefully watched you in the mirror in front of him.
“What?” you asked as you grabbed some of the product.
“Careful not to get some in my eyes”, he said, winking at you.
“Just close your eyes and let us work”, Yuna said, patting him on the shoulder.
The familiarity of the move made you twice as jealous as you already were. You swallowed down the feeling, though it had a vile taste.
You really didn’t like how you felt around Hyunjin.
You all fell silent as Yuna showed you how to apply the product, and soon enough you got to work, as Hyunjin scrolled on his phone. As if he too sensed the awkwardness in the air. Or maybe that was just you, and you were being jealous for absolutely no reason.
With the help of the hair stylist, you dyed Hyunjin’s hair red, using a towel to prevent from putting some dye on his face, though the dye was said to be washable with water. Soon enough, Hyunjin’s hair had turned a bright shade of red, and the hair stylist sauntered off after having rinsed the little dye that you had accidentally put on the nape of his neck.
Hyunjin turned towards you as soon as the stylist left, a wicked smile on his lips.
“How do you like it?” he asked.
“What?” you let out.
He rolled his eyes. “The hair, dumbass.”
“I know, I was just teasing you.” You winked at him, and then made a good show of looking at his hair. Though he looked really fucking good, you weren’t going to tell him that, no? “It suits you well, though it’s a really bright color, is it not?”
He shrugged. “It’s just for the show. It’ll wash off tonight in the shower.”
“My hard work, gone so soon?” you said, putting a dramatic hand over your heart.
“You’ll just have to do it all again at the next concert”, he said, chuckling.
Though you didn’t miss the way his cheeks slightly tinted with pink.
“I can’t make it to all your concerts”, you said, scanning his features.
His face slightly fell, but a make-up artist stopped next to him, and he couldn’t reply.
The make-up artist began by putting blue contacts in his eyes, before applying some make up on his features. You carefully watched, trying to ignore the weird tingle in your heart every time the make-up artist brushed her fingers against his face.
Really, it wasn’t normal for you to feel like that. That thought kept spiralling in your mind for the whole concert, so much so that you found you couldn’t quite enjoy it. No, panic was slowly gaining a hold of you, and you didn’t know what to do with it. Didn’t know if you should accept that, after all these years, your feelings towards him hadn’t changed at all.
It was terrifying, really, even if he seemed to display those same feelings. He had broken your heart three times – when he had asked to just be friends, when he had told you about his own feelings, and then when he had ghosted you. You would be a fool to let him in this time, just because the timing seemed… better.
You pushed the thoughts aside when the concert finished, even though they kept haunting the far back of your mind. It was nothing a bit of alcohol wouldn’t numb anyway.
You returned to the dorms after the concert, along with the other members. They all seemed over energetic, and buzzing electricity moved through the whole group as they sat around the kitchen table, eating what you considered to be a literal feast.
It was easy to be with Hyunjin in a setting such as that one. He was a friend, and not… whatever else he could be when you were alone. Which was a relief, because those thoughts really weren’t that far. Even after all the soju that you had drunk while eating.
And it was fun. A buzzing kind of fun, the fun that came when one had their mind swimming with alcohol. Not enough to reach the point of no return, but just enough to reach… this feeling. This euphoria that was gaining control of you with every laugh and smile.
The members of Stray Kids truly knew how to have fun, behind close doors. And they also really knew how to make someone feel welcome. Really, you almost felt as if you had always been friends with them, as if they were all part of that friendship you had shared with Hyunjin. And maybe that was the reason why you were so comfortable – because they were Hyunjin’s closest friends, like you had once been. Like you wished you would be again someday.
“Nuna”, Hyunjin said, moving closer to whisper in your ear.
Everything in you stopped at once, and you hoped he didn’t notice the way you had stiffened next to him.
“What?”
“What do you think about Changbin?” he asked.
Your eyes trailed to the man in question, and you exchanged a small smile before you resumed your attention on Hyunjin.
“Why are you asking?”
“Do you like him?” he asked, once again moving close to you so he could whisper in your ear.
Your brows knit together. “I barely know him.”
“Would you like him?” Hyunjin asked again, speech slightly slurred by the alcohol.
You almost died right on the spot when Hyunjin’s lips brushed your ear as he spoke. You ignored the looks the other members were throwing at you as you focused on the space between you and Hyunjin.
There really wasn’t much space, wasn’t it?
“Why do you want to know that?” you enquired, voice breathy.
“You…” he let out. “Fuck, I don’t know.”
“Hyunjin-ah”, you breathed as he once again brushed his lips against the lobe of your ear. You slightly moved out of his reach, though you leaned to whisper in his own ear. “What are you doing?”
“I don’t know”, he let out, and your eyes shut as he sighed, and the warmth of his breath brushed the skin of your neck.
You slightly turned your face towards him, no longer in control with yourself. All you knew was that you, too, wanted to press your lips against his ear.
Though you went as far as nibbling on his ear, alcohol inhibiting all restraint you usually would have had. All restraint you thought you had, actually.
Clearly, you hadn’t had much.
He sighed once again, a hand moving up so he could brush your hair behind your shoulder, and his mouth immediately moved, barely pressing on the spot where the collar of your shirt stopped. He left a light kiss there, and you slightly opened your eyes, looking down at him.
Until he moved up, face a few inches away from yours. Far enough so you could see the blue of his contacts and his red hair. Close enough to know there was no turning back now.
You leaned in, closing the space between you. The space and the time that had separated you, really.
You lightly brushed your lips against his, and your eyes shut in synch as Hyunjin let out a shuddering breath. Your heart started racing in your chest, and you were pretty sure you were trembling when he pecked her lips.
You were in your own little world, away from everyone else. In your own little bubble of peace and contentment, really. A place where you should have met a long time ago.
You fully pressed your lips against his, the taste of soju on his mouth making you dizzy inside. Even more so, as he ran a hand through your hair, grabbing the back of your head to pull you closer as he deepened the kiss. One of your hands rested on his thigh, and you slightly parted your lips as his tongue swiped on your bottom lip.
Your tongues met in a passionate dance as a breathy sound bubbled in your throat, your other hand getting lost in his hair as you pulled at it. He grunted, and you wondered if he was shaking or if it was you.
Maybe it was both of you.
And you were shaking… for what exactly? You didn’t even know. All you knew was that you were about to burst right then and there, and your heart couldn’t quite take it.
He whispered your name against your lips, and you kissed him harder. He met your pace, and you were pretty sure he would have pulled you in his lap had someone not cheered.
You pulled away from him, eyes wide, as you realized what you were doing.
His gaze met yours, and there was fear in his eyes.
“I should go”, you said, and you were up before your sentence had ended.
Hyunjin followed you, slightly stumbling as you stormed towards the door.
“Y/n, wait”, he let out. “What’s wrong?”
Moving out of the dinning room, you walked down the hallway leading to the door.
“What the fuck was that?” you asked, turning around to look at him.
You were shaking with your whole body now.
“We… we just kissed, it… Why are you freaking out?” he asked, and you tried to read the emotions on his face.
All you knew was that he too was panicking.
“That was wrong”, you said. “We shouldn’t…”
He chuckled bitterly, taking you by surprise. “It was time we kissed, don’t you think?”
“Just because Seonwha wants us to be together doesn’t mean we should be.”
He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “Nuna, I’m not talking about Seonwha. Don’t tell me you don’t feel the same about me.”
“We had this conversation once, Hyunjin-ah, and look where it led us.”
“It led us to tonight, didn’t it?” he pointed out, with an edge to his voice you definitely didn’t like.
“I don’t want that. I don’t want to be with you like that.”
“You kissed me”, he said, venom dripping from his voice. “You want it just as bad as I do.”
“You can’t just come back into my life like that, Hyunjin-ah!” You glanced at the door, though you were slowly starting to see red. It wasn’t anxiety making you shake anymore, but rage. “You came back when it was convenient for you, uh? You waited until I wasn’t with Hangyeol anymore, and then you pull off this shit?”
“You’ve broken up for months, I didn’t come back right away, didn’t I?” He scoffed. “I wouldn’t have come back at all if it hadn’t been for Seonwha.”
“Well maybe you shouldn’t have.”
The silence that fell around you was heavy, pressing you down as you felt your lungs burning. You just stared at each other. You tried to pretend you couldn’t see the pain on his features, but youncouldn’t ignore it.
“Leave me alone”, you said, voice small. “I need to think.”
“What is there to think about?” he asked, and his voice broke on the last word.
You motioned between the two of you. “This. Whatever just happened. I… it’s better if we don’t talk for a few days.”
“Please don’t go”, he begged, and you shut your eyes as your heart sank in your chest.
“This is not the end”, you said, hoping he could hear the promise behind those words. “I just need a few days.”
You opened your eyes to see him blinking back tears.
It came as a surprise that your own gaze was still dry.
“Okay”, he let out. “I’ll give you a few days.”
You nodded, scanning his features one last time before you turned around, aiming for the door. You didn’t hear him move, and neither did you look over your shoulder to see if he had. You weren’t quite sure you would have been able to leave if you had looked at him then.
*****
You stared at the blank page on your laptop. Lost in the dizzying twirls of your thoughts.
It happened to you a lot lately, quite honestly.
It had been a little over a week since your fight with Hyunjin. You hadn’t exchanged a single word since then and, frankly, you weren’t quite sure you wanted to ever speak to him again. You were embarrassed, far too embarrassed to acknowledge that you had kissed him. That you had wanted to drown in his sweetness, and in the way his lips had moved against yours.
You tsked, blinking a few times to chase the memory away. To focus on your blank page once again, and on words that had been avoiding you for days now. Since…
You scoffed, closing your laptop before sitting back in your chair, your head resting against it.
You had been lying to yourself all those days, if you were being honest. Trying to convince yourself that you were angry at him, that you didn’t want him. You had never been a liar before, but it seemed Hwang Hyunjin brought that ugly part of you out.
A part of you you didn’t think you had, but that had gained control of you when you had realized you were kissing him.
You wanted to hate him. Hate him for coming back like that and expecting them to be together. As if he hadn’t abandoned you for so long. It was unfair, really, that he expected you to be his after he had treated you like he had.
Why did you still want him so bad, then?
Seonwha had been furious, the last time you had spoken to her. Clearly, Hyunjin had told her everything, because she gave you the lecture of the century, calling you stupid and selfish.
You rather thought Hyunjin had been the selfish one. He hadn’t even considered the fact that you might just want to be his friend. He had…
You sighed deeply. You didn’t want to just be his friends. You didn’t think you wanted to be his either. That was why you hadn’t texted him yet.
You hated the effect that it had had on him. Because you had been unable to keep away from the idol part of him, and you had watched their two last shows online. Had seen him mess up a few choreographies. Had been able to see the hurt in his smiles, and in the way they never reached his eyes.
You knew him far too well for your own good.
You tapped your fingers on the back of the laptop, as you once again relived the kiss.
It had been the best goddamn kiss of your entire life, if you were being honest. And you doubted nothing would ever top that.
You had forgotten how to think, how to breathe, how to exist in that moment. All you had known was that there was him, and there was you, and you were two. Two souls, bound to be together. Bound together, lips sealing the deal.
Maybe you never should have kissed him, because you weren’t quite sure you would ever feel the same again. As if it had made you realize that you were missing half of you, and that the only way to get it back was to be with him. Was to drink in the taste of him until you’d be drunk and old and grey, until eternity would set you apart, in infinite darkness.
You had always been a romantic, had become a writer because of it… but this was a next step. As if you hadn’t known about the love poets spoke about until that moment when your lips had touched. And really, you were aware of that. Were aware that he’d always be the better part of you, the sweet and loveable and kind part of you.
A part you were running away from, content in your own little misery. In that disgusting part of you that wanted him to hurt like he had hurt you. You knew it was wrong, because you knew he had been hurting too. You couldn’t imagine how you would have felt had the roles been reversed. Had he been the one dating someone toxic. Had you had to look at him slowly dwindling away to nothingness.
Though that was the part you couldn’t quite forgive him for. You had been dying, with Hangyeol. Had suffered more than you’d ever admit it to anyone. He had known it, all too well, and had chosen to leave without a single word.
That silence… it had killed you, relentlessly. You had been forced to rebuild yourself, a little changed, and probably not in the right way. Though it had led to you breaking up with Hangyeol, if you were being honest.
Because, if you had had to choose between Hyunjin and Hangyeol, you would have chosen Hyunjin, no hesitation.
You hadn’t thought that choice was going to be taken away from you, though. Hadn’t thought Hyunjin would ever walk out of your life… and now he had come back, and you were the one walking away.
You turned your head towards the sliding doors to your right, the city of Seoul coming into view. The sun was getting low in the sky, and you sighed once again. You hadn’t been productive at all today.
You got up from your spot, moving closer to the sliding doors, before stepping outside, the sounds of the city engulfing you. The balcony of your apartment overlooked a small plaza, and you looked down at it, watching people walking around, eating bungeoppang from the street vendor or just rushing to wherever they had to go.
It was strange how life seemed to be moving far too fast around you, when you were still stuck in that dorm kitchen, lips pressed against Hyunjin’s. As if time had stopped for you then, and you’d forever be stuck reliving the moments. Again and again, until you’d go crazy from it.
A breeze caught in your hair, and you shut your eyes, appreciating the warmth of the sun rays on your skin.
Maybe you were being too harsh on him. Maybe…
Maybe you were meant to be together after all, and he wasn’t wrong. Maybe your timing had just always been off.
Then why did it still feel so wrong?
You stayed there for a while, a lot longer than you had first wanted to. Just letting the sound and smells of the city carry you through your thoughts, because really, there was no escaping.
The worst part was that you missed him, so much. Wanted to share with him every funny pictures that you saw on Instagram, wanted to hear him tell you about his days, wanted to see his smile and listen to his laugh…
Perhaps you had waited long enough. Perhaps you were two puzzle pieces that were meant to be together, and it was time you faced the truth. Running away from it wasn’t going to lead you anywhere good.
As if it finally clicked into place, you knew what you had to do. Though you had probably known it all along, and you had just been waiting for your stubbornness to give in to the feelings in your heart.
You walked inside, hands slightly clammy as you looked for your phone. Ignoring the voice in your head that was telling you not text Hyunjin. That was begging you to not be with him…
As if you were trying to punish yourself.
Phone in hands, you just stood there for a moment, as realization hit you like a train.
Hyunjin deserved explanations, and some good ones at that.
*****
You sat in the couch, in that same spot you had been for the last hour. Hyunjin had replied to your text saying that he had a performance tonight, but that he could come over after, if you didn’t mind. And frankly, even if you knew you would be tired the next day, you couldn’t wait. Needed to set things straight between you, before he floated too far away for you to be able to reach him again.
Your television was turned on, a K-drama playing with the sound muted. You hadn’t been paying attention to it at all, and had just needed some sort of… company, as you were waiting for him. Because you couldn’t bare the darkness of your apartment.
Your eyes were lost in the void as you nibbled on the dry skin of your bottom lip, unable to focus on anything other than your racing heart. You didn’t even know what time it was, had stopped paying attention to the clock on the wall because time seemed to move so slow.
You couldn’t wait for him to arrive. Couldn’t wait to explain everything to him. Though you were anxious that it would be too little too late.
You startled as your phone started ringing next to you, indicating that someone was at the front door downstairs. Hyunjin.
You buzzed him in, your hands starting to shake as you got up to wait for him at the door. Fingers flickering, as the tick of the clock on the wall echoed every odd beat of your heart.
At this rate, you clearly were going to have a heart attack before Hyunjin was going to reach the door.
There was a slight hesitant knock on the door, and you quickly threw it open, to the sight of a slightly dishevelled and apprehensive Hyunjin. His eyes widened, mouth falling open, as you just looked at him standing there.
It was the five most awkward seconds of your entire life.
“Uh, come in”, you said, blushing as you realized you had been staring.
You moved to the side, blushing even more at the thought of him, in your apartment. The apartment in which you lived alone, with only a few plants to keep you company.
He walked in, staying a good distance away from you, as if he’d get burned if he touched you. He looked stiff, and he didn’t really hold your gaze, instead scanning the living room of your apartment with his gaze.
“Welcome to my… home”, you said, shutting the door behind him. “I… How was the concert?”
His eyes settled on you and you felt like a deer in headlights for a moment. Until he wet his lips and spoke. “You’ve finally decided to talk to me again?”
You gulped. Straight to the point it would be, then.
“Uh”, you let out. “I have an extra pair of slippers, if you want to come in. We can sit in the living room.”
A crease appeared between his brows, but he took off his shoes and put on the slippers, before following you to the couch.
You sat at the two extremities of it, a whole world between you.
“I… have been thinking”, you started, hands shaking. You hid their trembles by sitting on your hands, even if the position was somewhat awkward. “I’m sorry I freaked out.”
He remained silent, only looking at you. Well, not quite, as he seemed to be looking at a spot right next to your face. You glanced at it, though there was nothing there.
“I… You mean a lot to me, Jinnie”, you continued. “We’ve been through a lot, and I guess I… was afraid to lose you?”
“Why would us kissing make you think that?” he asked, voice cold.
It took you by surprise, and all your resolve dissolved like some cotton candy in water.
“Because…” you trailed off. “We were best friends for years, and then I lost you. I don’t think I ever really allowed myself to realize just how bad it hurt to lose you.”
He scoffed. “You were the one dating that asshole.”
“You didn’t have to leave”, you said, your tone a little vehement too. “You could have talked to me.”
“I did, nuna. I told you what I thought about him and you still dated him.” He crossed his arms on his chest, slightly shaking his head. “It fucking sucked seeing you with him.”
“And I realize that now!” you quickly said, hoping to diffuse the fight that was starting to build up before it exploded. “I made some mistakes, and I’m sorry I did.”
Only silence met your words. He really wasn’t making that easy, wasn’t he?
“I think I panicked the other day because… you mean so, so much to me and I don’t even want to imagine a world in which I’d lose you again”, you said softly, looking away from him. “But at the same time, I’m pissed at myself for dating Hangyeol after you told me how you felt, and… and I don’t think I deserve you.” You blinked back a few tears. “I don’t deserve you, Hyunjin-ah. I don’t even understand why you still… want me like that after everything that happened. You deserve so much better than how I treated you…” You dried the tear that slipped out of your right eye with the back of your hand. “You deserve someone that’ll love you from the start, and that won’t torture you like I did.” You gulped, swallowing down the lump that had started forming in your throat. “I was selfish, to think that you were the one in the wrong. We both made mistakes, and… I guess I don’t think I deserve your forgiveness. Don’t think I deserve the kiss we...”
“I’ll stop you right there”, Hyunjin interrupted you, voice strained with emotions. “This is not about deserving each other.” You looked at him, heart breaking in your chest at the sight of tears rolling down his cheeks. “You don’t control who you fall in love with. And sometimes, people are meant to be lessons in each other’s life. Fuck’s sake, I thought you were a lesson for a long time. It hasn’t stopped me from feeling what I feel for you though.” He wiped his tears, chuckling, the sound bittersweet. “There wasn’t a day I wasn’t thinking about you, longing for you. But since that day I told you how I felt… it changed me. I couldn’t just be friends with you, and I had to get away.”
You nodded, vision blurred by a new wave of tears.
“But fuck every day I thought of you. The boys helped me with it, and their friendship really helped through the pain of losing you, but the love remained. And when I saw you at Seonwha’s wedding… It took me back to the day I told you how I felt, and for a moment it was like not a second had passed. And I pictured myself living that moment again, with a happy ending instead.” He looked away, eyes focusing on the silent TV, as the credits of the K-drama rolled on the screen. “I’m rambling, sorry.”
“Don’t”, you quickly said. “Don’t apologize for telling me how you feel. It’s past time we tell each other how we feel.”
He smiled through his tears, wiping them away.
“I’ve been in love with you all those years, Hyunjin-ah. Ever since that night at Seonwha’s birthday party.” Flashes of that night swirled in your thoughts as you reminisced the moment when you had told Hyunjin you loved him, and he had said he couldn’t be with you. “I’ve loved you every day and I don’t deserve you.”
“Stop”, he said. “I told you it’s not about who deserves who.”
“But it is though”, you insisted. “You… When you told me how you felt, I was scared. So fucking scared when I had been waiting to hear that for months. It pissed me off, though, because I knew it before. We both knew it.”
He nodded, meeting your gaze.
“It’s always been you, Jinnie. Every moment of every day it’s been you. Even when I was with Hangyeol. Even more then. That night at the wedding… I saw a future with you. It scared me, and I panicked when we kissed last week but it was… the best kiss I’ve ever had. You are… so much. I can’t even say so much what… you are just so much… you.”
He chuckled, as he blinked back a few more tears.
“You’re everything that I want, that I’ve wanted, and I don’t deserve it.”
“Why?” he asked.
“Because… I don’t know”, you said, shrugging as you too chuckled. “Because I’m young and dumb and afraid of commitment and afraid of getting hurt. And you’re… you’re an idol, you live in a complete different universe than I do.”
“I’m still the same.”
“You are. And that’s why I still feel like that about you.”
“Like what?” he asked, a teasing smile moving on his lips.
The sight of it made you feel like a rainbow had appeared in the storm of your life.
“Don’t make me repeat it”, you said, laughing lightly. “It’s… fuck why didn’t I tell you before?”
His face fell serious as he carefully watched you. “I didn’t think the timing was ever going to be right with you”, he admitted after a time. “Always thought that I would be forced to live my life knowing I’d let the one slip through my fingers.”
“I’m right here”, you said, voice filled with emotion. “I was really fucking dumb but I’m right here and I never want to leave again.”
“I won’t let you”, he teased you, as he reached out to grab your hand. And than seemed to be considering it for a time, before pulling you closer. Pressing his lips against yours.
The kiss was the confirmation you needed. That he indeed was the one. That he was the love poets write poems about, and singers sing songs about. That he was the oxygen to your lungs, and the light in your darkest nights.
It felt like coming home after a long journey. Head full of memories, heart full of feelings, but finally ready to settle down. To relax for a while, and to just enjoy being alive. Being there, in the moment. Not caring about the world.
Just him and you. You and him. Intertwined on your couch in a dance of passion, lips against skin, skin against skin, breaths heavy with release and love and everything in between.
You felt free, like a bird soaring high in the sky, after years of being grounded. Like a kite in a summer wind, or a wave hitting the shore.
It was an abundance of feelings you didn’t even know existed, yet felt just right.
He was just right. For you, that is. And you for him. Two souls, connected on a deeper level than you had ever thought possible, as if you finally knew the secrets to the universe. And maybe you did. Maybe he was the secret to your universe, and you to his. Maybe he was the rules of physics to which you responded, and you were the mathematics of his dreams.
When you were laying in your bed, somewhere between the hours of midnight and dawn, you took the time to look at him. Truly look at the boy you had always known – man now. And you knew. Knew that everything that had happened to you in life had happened for a reason. To lead you there, with him, to the place you were destined to find. Because the feelings in your heart… it was faith. You knew it. And instead of being afraid of it, as you had been at first, you welcomed it in with open arms.
Embraced it, really, because what else was there to do, when the love of your life was right next to you?
“What are you thinking about?” Hyunjin murmured, voice groggy with sleep.
Though you hadn’t really slept at all.
“You”, you whispered, nuzzling your face in his neck. The smell of him was almost enough to make you go crazy. “Us.”
“Look at you all cheesy”, he said, chuckling. The deep sound reverberated in his chest, and you smiled against his skin.
“I’m a hopeless romantic, what were you expecting?”
“Nothing less”, he said, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “I wouldn’t want nothing less than that from you.”
You felt your cheeks burning, and you hid it by cuddling further into him.
“You know what?” Hyunjin said.
“Mmh?” you let out.
“I think I fell in love with you first.”
You chuckled. “Bullshit.”
“No, I’m serious”, he insisted. “The day we met. You were wearing the school uniform, and you had your hair tied back in a ponytail. You looked so cute and I couldn’t stop staring at you. That’s why I walked straight into you. I knew then that you were the one.”
“Why did you tell me you just wanted to be friends, then?” you asked, hand moving up so you could gently put behind his ear the strand of blond hair that was falling in his eyes.
“Because we were young”, he said, as if it explained anything. “I knew you were the kind of love I wouldn’t ever be able to walk away from. But I had this dream of being an idol… and I guess at the end of the day I was selfish, and took you for granted.”
“We both were selfish”, you whispered. “But we’re here now, and it’s all that matters.”
He smiled softly. “It is. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”
You blushed, giggling. “Who’s being cheesy now?”
He laughed, pulling you into his chest, hugging you tight against him. You put your head on his chest, right above his heart, and you listened to his heartbeat for a time, your own heart meeting the pace of his, as if they too had been in synch from the start.
“I love you”, Hyunjin said after a few more moments of silence. “Always have and always will.”
Warmth moved throughout your whole body, and you wondered if it was possible to be happier than you were then. You highly doubted so.
“I love you too.”
☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
I hope you enjoyed!! I feel all fluffy rereading it, this couple was really fun to write. The way they are both hopeless for the other like🥺🥺
Let me know what you thought of the fic! Feedback is always appreciated
ೀㅤ۪ pairing. biker/drug dealer! chris x fem! reader : genre. age gap, dark romance, angst, smut : warnings. read at your own risk — mdni ! use of pet names, smoking, explicit sexual content, possessiveness, obsession, severe anger issues, violence, flawed characters that make mistakes : word count. 10.1k
ೀㅤ۪ synopsis. he was born with a gun in his hand, a ticking time bomb in his head. it’s been counting down since, the brain has festered into a landmine, a battlefield. no. peace is a foreign word. reserved only for you.
PROLOGUE.
You cannot begin telling this story if you don’t first punch your own mouth. His gun, safety off, shiny and awful in the dead of night, the barrel of it pointing at your temple, a patient irony. It’s three in the morning and the red bleeding is sweet, oh so sweet.
There’s no love without violence, sweetheart, and did you know? He loves you so much, he’ll kill you. He loves you so much, you’re calling for help. Of course, it cannot be your voice, and if he gives you another chance, you’ll say everything differently this time around like—this bed is where he fucked me slow and rough, I think he was trying to bury some part of himself in me, and here, you see, the sheets smell just like his cigarettes, and this, here, is where he brushed my hair, just like this, so careful, but never mind the cracks in the mirror, the shattering is always the same, it has nothing to do with me, everything to do with him.
You hear his voice in your head all the time, haunting, your dutiful ghost; he’s there when you sleep, he’s there when you wake up, a nightmare concealed as a daydream, and you want him to do his worst, you want it to hurt, to scar, to be a permanent mark, because it’d mean you’d loved him; that love has been here and it was ugly and terrifying, and you survived it, even if you could never survive him.
Upstairs, the bed is unmade, stained with wine and your climax. Chris is gentle in all the ways he is not, which is to say he kisses you with teeth, he holds you with fists. You saw him on a black motorcycle once, an impressionable girl in a dark place, lost, searching for purpose, and he looked like a knight in shining armor, he looked like hell and heaven combined, a savior and captor, and you’d wished to crawl inside, to make a home out of him. You’d smiled and waited, you've always waited, you always will.
When he came, he was so cruel, he burned brighter than fire—you believed in him; after all, how can a man be so consumed by flame and not put his own hands around his neck, not succumb to his charcoal painted flesh? You were a fool, and he saw it, and you paid the price for it. He wants to keep you forever now, he’s never going to let you go, do you understand that? Why, why, why did you go ahead and do that?
For what? A scrap of metal heart and a ribcage, bone and muscle?
What about your own heart?
What about the eternal winter residing when he's not there?
ACT ONE: before.
He smiles and the world expands. His face blooms into a thousand different shades; the pink of his mouth curving, the red of his cheeks rounding, the dark of his brow straightening. A stop motion picture, the beginning of autumn, the turn of the leaves, the crisp air replacing warm winds.
His fingers weave through yours, interlocking, thumb running down index, mouth a breath over yours, so close he could graze your lips if he wanted to. You look between you, noses touching, then back to brown so deep you imagine raw honey gliding, real amber in the face of the sun.
Chris. You whisper his name in your head. It sounds like a secret. Your best kept one. Chris, Chris, Chris . . .
There’s blood on his shirt underneath the leather jacket. There’s a loaded gun on his belt strap, a knife tucked in his boot, a razor engraved on the ring he wears, and he’s not so careful with it, and you don’t think you want him to be. You assume it’s normal to want this—if his blood mixes with yours, well, isn’t that enough to take you with him? Isn’t that almost a wedding ceremony, isn’t that almost a declaration of war?
Do you think I’m crazy, you think to yourself. Do you think I’m crazy, would you want me if I am, would you want me, do you want me? You don’t dare say it out loud, but he’s staring at you as if he could eat your face raw—a demon, a demon—and shove the rest of you in the deep freezer, so you decide to bite him instead. You get on your tippy toes and nuzzle into his neck, biting the soft flesh underneath his earlobe.
He doesn’t exclaim, not a hiss, not a gasp, not even the slightest of inhales. He withstands the pain you inflict him, and you feel his desire digging into the inside of your thigh. His arms reach out around you, pulling you to him in that all-encompassing way, and you’re left to witness what can only be the slow consumption of your beating heart. His bike groans under the sudden weight, but he’s got you. You don’t think, then, of what that entails.
“(Y/N).”
The night sky comes into focus, all dark indigo, starless, and the streetlights flicker bright, sounding the late hour. The light never seems to go anywhere near you two, it refuses, it hesitates, and back then you found it all so mysterious and exciting, ignoring the warning bells, swallowing down the instinct of danger, danger, danger.
“Yes?”
Your eyes fall shut at having his rough palm grabbing hold of your face, thumb tilting your head upwards to meet his sizzling gaze. You hold onto his wrist for support, your body floating, mourning the loss of his body heat against the biting cold. He notices this, and moves to shrug off his huge jacket, wearing it over your shoulders in one swift move.
“What will I do with you?” It’s a plea. A threat. Both.
Chris looks down at you, and the earth shakes to its core. He looks down at you, and you don’t want to be alone anymore. You want this, this, this, every day, all the time, forever. You wish to wake up in bed next to him and know he’s yours, wake up and not wish for some other dream so you can find him again. To be awake and want to be awake.
His big hands caress your face, sink into your hair. He stares at you intently, as if he’s holding back from saying whatever’s turning over and over in his head. It can switch so fast, that look, faster than you can blink, a clipped temper, a quick anger.
You’ve only seen it once, and you’d been quickly turned away. He’s got people watching everywhere, he’s been haunted by darkness and shadows long before you served him that drink in The Bloody Muse. You almost forget about returning to your shift, time slipping away, responsibilities fading whenever you’re near him.
Seungmin will be missing you, Felix will be looking for his good luck charm before he goes on stage. Midnight means you return from dreamland. Still, you have a couple of minutes left. Enough to hear the gunshot, enough to panic and let out a scream and have Chris slap a hand over your mouth, willing you with his gaze to calm the fuck down.
You breathe hard, stiff with fear. He appears perfectly composed, relaxed even. It’s then you realize who he is and what he does, and how this is probably his or his club’s doing. There’s misdirected anger in you ricocheting on all corners. You want to bite his fingers, you want to demand an explanation. You work here, dammit, and he’s kept his bullets away from this place so far, for what you thought was your sake.
Chris was a handsome hypocrite, a skilled liar.
“It’s not what you think,” he says simply, removing his palm from your mouth, shaking his wrist off. “Don’t overreact.”
All of his previous warmth disappeared, instead, the cold, menacing man you know very little of and have never dealt with taking its place. You understand he has to be this way, but you hate that he has to act like this with you too. Because of your reaction. Because you couldn’t keep your cool.
Silly girl.
“What is it, then?” A naive question, so many untrue answers he could give you.
He passes a finger over the cut on your cheek. The cut he gave you. You lean into his touch, desperate for anything, hungry, starving, even. You don’t want him to leave, but he won’t stay. You hate, hate, fucking hate this part.
“Something that needed to be taken care of,” he chooses the words carefully, you can tell, and you decide that, if he wants you to stay in the dark, you will. You have to.
You love him.
“Someone,” you correct, quietly.
Chris smiles, mouth curving, and his hand moves to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear. The touch is tender, affectionate. Something inside you cracks and caves, it melts. You would withstand too, you think then. You would deal with anything, put up with everything, for that single touch. For that one single look.
“Someone,” he echoes, his own voice smooth blue velvet, an overture. “You should get inside.”
A sharp pang of bitterness in your chest. “I should?” Because I questioned you?
He drops his hand, and brings his arms over his broad chest, crossing them there. Closed off and done for the night. You unconsciously take a step back, hurt from the sudden change, whiplashed and upset.
“If you don’t want to be late,” he states matter-of-factly, but he says it in this kind of open tone, a mere suggestion rather than a complete dismissal. Yes. “Don’t look at me with those damned eyes, sweetheart, what can I do against them?”
You wipe at your cheeks, and try to fix the mess, try to smooth over, to make right again. “I’m not, I’m sorry.”
“Come here.” A command.
You go like a kicked puppy, your leash short, your loyalty unshaken, despite the scolding. He reaches out and slams you to his chest, a hand pressing the back of your head there, and you inhale him, all of him, memorizing his scent, trying to hold on to whatever parts of him you can in case he decides to never come back for you again. It’s pathetic and it’s pitiful, but this is what you know. This is all you know.
“You’re my girl, you know that?” He mumbles in your hair, his breath hot on your scalp. You lean into him, wrapping your arms around him, and almost cry yourself dry from the prospect of ever losing him.
“You’re my girl, baby. I’d never let anything happen to you. Do you believe me?”
You nod your head yes. He squeezes you against him tighter. You feel so safe, then, the safest you ever have. Of course you believe him. You’d believe his every word, you’d follow him into anything, blindly, willingly. You want to please him. To make him happy.
He grabs a fistful of your hair, suddenly and pulls you back to look at him. His eyes are manic, black. “I need your words, (Y/N). Do you believe me?”
“Yes. Yes,” you yelp, your mouth falling open from the sting.
In your stomach, something lights on fire. You rub your legs together, trying to relieve it. He glances down between you, curses.
You started it.
The descend.
It was your fault.
He’d never touched you so savagely before that night, he’d never shown the same need you had. That he could want you the same way you do. . .You felt so giddy you could squeal, so happy you would gladly reduce yourself to schoolgirl-and-her-stupid-little-fantasies.
“Is this fucking getting you wet?” And he pulls harder, tilting your head all the way. His tongue comes out to lick from the base of your neck all the way up to your lips. You’re on fire, you’re on fire! You moan hoarsely and try to keep your footing. “You like me being rough with you, sweetheart?”
You’re too embarrassed to respond. So, you guide his hand under your skirt. Chris curses again, more lewdly this time, nasty things, words you’ve never heard him say before. Oh, this fucking cunt, fuck me . . . So goddamn wet, baby girl, I bet it tastes so sweet. Will you let me? Will you let me have a taste right here?
“I— I have to go back, I’m—” but his fingers are already dipping into your underwear, his palm cupping your burning sex.
“You’re not going anywhere,” he growls into your ear. “You hear me?”
You jump, and look around, paranoid. He grabs your face and forces your eyes back on him. He’s got that crazed look again, the one that lets you know he’ll stop at nothing to have this. Out here, in the open. And he’ll fucking make it worth it. You succumb, too flushed, too bothered, unbecoming in his arms, as he backtracks you into the wall next to the exit door, and gets on his knees, tugging your undergarments down with both hands, hooking your leg over his shoulder.
Your fingers dig into his hair, dark eyes staring up at you. In your mercy, kneeling in front of you. Do you love me? Is this you, saying it? Is this your way of showing it? You caress the soft strands, staring back, overwhelmed. The beginning of the end for you. You’ll never escape him after this. He’d never accept it. You’d never survive it.
When his face gets lost in between your legs, you almost collapse, your entire body shaking with the forceful need to come. He licks and laps and sucks your clit into his mouth, and it’s too much, it’s fucking unbearable, it’s incredible, it’s so much, it’s everything, you want more, you want him to stop, more more more, oh my God, please, please—you’re being so loud there’s no way they haven’t heard that, that Seungmin hasn’t, he’s really only around the corner, and what about everyone else, oh God, oh God, you’re close, you’re so fucking close, if he could just—oh, fuck yes, fuck yes . . .
Chris pulls away, his lower face glistening with your juices. You whine at the loss of contact, your pussy clenching around nothing, aching.
“Don’t fucking come,” and he’s getting up, he’s unzipping his pants, and you’re eager to help, you’re eager to reach inside and grab him, free him. “I have to get inside you, baby.”
His cock is standing rock hard, angry. He wraps one hand around your neck, and the other slides over his length once, twice, you’re so entranced you can’t look away; he’s so big, he’s so erect, and you want him so fucking much, you’d do anything right then, you’d be anything.
He turns you around, and you barely have time to get a good grip on the wall, before he’s entering you with one long, violent thrust. You scream out, pressing your temple on the cool brick, allowing him to take whatever he needs. His fingers squeeze around your neck, tighter and tighter still, until all you see is stars, until all you feel is him slamming into you, his hot body over yours, your mixed moans of pleasure.
I could come to this image forever . . . Look at this fucking ass, you beautiful fucking girl, I never want to stop . . . fucking tear you apart, lay inside you . . . Taking cock so well, made for me, made for me, made for this . . .
His movements turned sloppy and primal, reaching the end, and you, forever following him, forever after him. He was no more than beast, pistoling into you with vigor, all animal, your sides bruised from the way he was holding onto you, but you loved it, you wished he’d never stop, exploding into a million pieces, coming apart under him in vibrant streaks of color and tears. His head dropped on your lower back, whispering there she is, there you go, sweetheart, there you are, my baby, as he gave one, two, three final thrusts, before reaching down and removing himself from your soaking cunt, flipping you around, and forcing you on your knees, his cock in his hand, on the verge of climax.
You open your mouth wide, and he shoves in, fucking into it no more than three seconds before you feel his cum hit the back of your throat, warm and salty.
“You fucking vex me, woman. Look at the sight of you.”
You breathe through your nose slowly, as he grabs your face and makes sure you swallow, fingers rough, before pulling out at once, tucking his softening length back in his jeans, and lifting you up by the waist.
He fixes your skirt over your ass, and smoothes over the edges, making sure no indecent part of you shows. When you catch his eye, he winks at you. You bubble over like a soda can, spilling everywhere, and he chuckles low and raspy, before reaching for your hand and pulling you flush against him, trailing kisses on your shoulder, your knuckles, your cheeks, your brow.
This is the Chris that looks at you and sees you. The one you love, the one you miss the most when he’s gone. This Chris comes out only when you’re alone, when he’s forgotten what else there is, what he has to do after you go back to the club. For now, he loves you, no violence, no hunger.
You almost weep at the sight of him.
“I’ll talk to your boss,” he murmurs, pecking your lips over and over.
You giggle, and he twirls you once, your arms extending as you try to go towards the door. He pulls you back in at the last minute, handsome, glowing, smiling.
“I haven’t lied to you,” he says, and half of you doesn’t miss the solemn way in which he says it. “I won’t let anyone touch you. Ever.”
You pause for a split second, still remaining in the post bliss of your orgasm, but then you’re moving again, slipping from his grasp, heading back to your drinks and suggestive conversations.
“I wouldn’t want to be touched by anyone else, Chris,” you retort, blowing him a kiss, and disappearing through the big black door, letting it close behind you.
You don’t see the way you leave him standing there, how he closes his eyes and has to breathe through the loss of you; how he drags his feet to go pick up his jacket from the floor. How he inhales your sweet smell, and instantly wants you back, a corpse in his arms that can’t go nowhere.
The corruption began when you told him your name. It invaded his bloodstream and blackened his mind.
He’d rather kill you than have you walk away from him like that.
ACT TWO: in the midst.
Chris fucks you with the purpose of possessing you.
There’s not a minute of peace when you are with him, he envelops all senses, he erases all other thoughts, until all you know is him, his touch, his cock. Months into sharing a bedroom, and coming apart underneath him every night, he’s never once mentioned that incident, the first one.
He’s never apologized for how he treated you, never brought it up. But he’s never once treated you the same since. Now that you live together, he gets to call all the shots, know your exact whereabouts, control what you wear, what you eat, how you come, how many times—he’s fucked you in places you never thought possible. He’s fucked you in front of people, shamelessly; on the banister, in the pool, on the kitchen counter and the office. Against walls and on the hood of his car, parked in the garage, Changbin, the road captain, working on his bike not a few steps away.
No one ever said anything to you, tried anything. They didn’t have a death wish, or they respected Chris too much. His influence was a testimony to his abilities. No one questioned him, but everyone obeyed him. They treated you like one of their own, they protected you when their sergeant would leave the house.
Other things—the shitload of drugs hidden in every trinket, every crevice, places you’d never think to check, and the meticulous way they deliver said product, how the trucks come in the middle of night, motorcycles deconstructed, filled to the brim with cocaine and sent to wherever, distributed to whatever unfortunate person. Chris never touched the trucks, you never saw him near them.
That was Minho’s job.
You spent entire days in bed after the deliveries, fucking, improvising stories of hunters and angels falling in love, how the hunter is always attracted to the angel’s light, how the angel forgives the hunter for his nature, and willingly dies by his axe. Chris bathes you and washes your hair with lavender, then carries you over to the vanity and brushes the strands with such care, you think he’s always loved you, in every life. That, perhaps, he was born loving you, and that this was predetermined; inescapable, inevitable.
He doesn’t sleep. He spends hours making love to you, feeding you; he works for even longer, meetings with the president, meetings with the suppliers, mountains of paperwork that you see him burn afterwards in the fireplace downstairs. If he does close his eyes, it’s flitting, twenty minutes here, an hour there; after he comes down from the high of being buried inside you, after a shower, at night as he watches you sleep, you pretend to close your eyes and feel him get comfortable on your stomach, his lips kissing any spot of naked skin he can find. When he does drift off, you lift your head and observe a man such as Chris Bahng sleep, how he does it, so unaware and off guard, so unlike his usual self.
It’s endearing. You love him the most when you find him in those positions, so peaceful, and a part of you thinks, ashamed—at least no one is dying by his hand tonight. His soul is something you think about a lot, the wretched, poisoned thing, paying for his actions. You asked him once; what keeps him up, why is he so unable to fall asleep?
“Nightmares,” he mumbled against your neck, teasing the sensitive flesh there. “Every time I close my eyes . . . someone is waiting for me. It’s always different, but they always end up dead. Everyone I care about— you. When you’re in my dreams, I can’t stand it. I’m always the one holding the gun. You’re always falling, or— fucking . . . walking away from me. When I wake up, I always check if you’re next to me,” his hand travels to yours, interlocking your fingers. He avoids your gaze. “If you’re not, it’s . . . it gets hard to breathe. I think I’ve killed you, that I’ve finally fucking lost it and, and done it, and the walls close in around me . . . Christ, I sound fucking insane.”
It’s difficult for you to say anything after that, so you slowly make your descend at the foot of the bed, making sure to kiss every inch of him, to let him know you’re right there, that he’ll never lose you, that the day it’ll come to that you’d rather he does kill you, that he does make that decision for you, because you’d have clearly gone mad; you cannot see yourself beyond him, cannot see a future where he’s not there, even as a fixture, even as someone who’s loved you once, a very long time ago. A friend, a lover, it’s all the same, and it’s all him, and you’ll always get whatever version of him you can.
You know you sound crazy, and maybe you are, maybe you deserve each other in that way, but it’s irrelevant to this story. This is not for the faint of heart—loving someone like him does not come easy, it’s not one of those ridiculous words—fate or destiny—or anything simple like that; loving him is hard fucking work, it’s torment and agony, it’s excruciating, and it’s a choice you make every single day, because you need it to live. An addiction, perhaps, though you’ve never been an addict.
You know this is how it feels. The needle in the vein. The snow on your nose. The smoke in your lungs. The burning, the boiling. This is it. When you take his cock in your mouth, when you hear that broken gasp fall from his lips, the familiar groan, the guttural sounds from the back of his throat, and how he grabs the back of your head, forcing you down to the hilt of him; when you’re so full you might as well inhale him entirely, become part of his crotch, his most private part, the one he keeps to himself—you think this is what it’s like to wait on someone’s steps, a beggar, a desperate girl giving her heart on a silver platter for the one in the house, the one holding the reins.
Chris is kind and generous. He opens the door, he allows you to come inside. There’s light and warmth here, but there’s also shadows in the corners, there’s locked doors and no one else around. It’s a lonely house, but he’s right there, all you need, all you’ll ever need. He welcomes you with open arms.
You get lost in the labyrinth of him.
“What the fuck was I doing before you, sweetheart? Who was I, who was I without this fucking mouth, fucking hell, baby . . .”
It’s a savage act, some would call it cannibalism, but it’s only been known as love to you. Your insides are aflame, roasting a pretty crackling orange, when he finally comes on your tongue, his hips lifting, eyes shut tight, your head in his big hands, keeping you there, making sure you’re swallowing every last drop. You do. You do. You‘re licking circles around the shiny, swollen tip one moment, and he’s got you bouncing on it the next, manhandling your ass, facing you away from him, wrapping muscular arms around your waist, ravaging your back with his teeth, biting and soothing, putting out the forest fires himself, braving the danger.
A devouring hunger. Stripped to its most primal state. Everything within you is jumping. No one talks about this—screwing for the sake of the flesh. You need to come, and keep coming, and he does too. There’s no other thought, no other reason. He’d mount you if he could, knot in you for hours, pump you full of his seed. If this is the way it’s meant to be, then let it be. Let him fuck you until he’s satiated. Let him fuck you into your last dying breath.
But his words. You want those for yourself. He whispers them in your ears, his mouth everywhere, the hotness of his breath, the raspiness of his voice—just as lost as you. This is how you need him.
“This cunt is mine, fucking mine, mine . . . Say it,” he drills into you, skin slapping on skin, sweat like water, and your tears, so uncontrollable, so many— “Say it, damn you.”
“Yours,” you comply, your arm reaching out to wrap around his neck. He kisses your shoulder, he bites, he marks. “All of me. Forever.”
“Swear it. Don’t ever leave me.”
“No . . . no . . .” You moan loudly as he reaches deep inside, to spots that make you see stars.
He shoves your face in the mattress, and gets on top of you, pistoling his length into you, hard and fast, chasing after the high he craves. You cry out and take it. The pain is so intense, bleeding into pleasure, overwhelming your body. You can’t feel your own heartbeat anymore, only Chris, only his pounding.
“Such a goddamn slut. Look at you,” he slaps your ass once, “fucking look at you,” twice, three times, four. You sob into the sheets, grab onto them. He’s relentless, he’s so close, you’re so close— “Why are you crying, huh?” He pulls you by the hair hard, lifting your head. You gulp down air, you’re glutinous, deprived. “Did you need my cock that bad? Have I not fucked your needy little hole enough?”
“You have, you have, please . . .”
Let go for me, sweetheart, fuck, you feel so fucking good . . . Never get tired of this pussy, taking me so well, baby, so fucking well, come on, one more, one more, that’s it . . .
Coming felt like the gates of heaven liquifying inside you. Your orgasm tore through you so savagely, you forgot how to breathe for several moments, your limbs unresponsive and extremely sore. Only thing you could do was convulse under Chris’ massive body, and let him ride his own, his nails digging into raw flesh, voice groggy and incredibly deep after three rounds of sex.
“Did I hurt you? Did I hurt you, baby?”
You hadn’t realized you were still crying ugly, terrible sobs. You immediately missed the weight of him as he got off you at once and flipped you on your back, panic-stricken honey eyes searching your face, your chest, any part of you he might’ve harmed.
“Where does it hurt? What have I done?” He kisses your temple, your eyes, he tastes your tears. He’s so worried you almost feel guilty for not responding. “(Y/N), I need you to tell me, sweetheart, I can’t see it, I can’t—is it your—”
“I’m fine,” you pacify him, placing your hands on either side of his face. You’re still breathing abnormally fast, but so is he. The room is spinning. “You didn’t hurt me anywhere, I’m fine, Chris.”
“But if you were, you’d tell me, yeah?”
He was so handsome, so handsome when he loved you.
“I would.”
His gaze was piercing, honeycomb giving way to molasses. His hands were trailing off again, doing their own thing, what they knew best; how to please you. His thumb on your clit, rubbing soft circles, your creamy entrance making lewd sounds that had the man over you growing impossibly hard again.
“And what about this?” A warm, tingly sensation grew low in your belly. “Does this hurt?”
You trap his hand with your thighs, and he smiles. You smile back.
“Maybe a little,” you lie, stretching.
He doesn’t let up. His fingers slip inside again, his other hand moving on himself, veiny and sure. Chris masturbating to the sight of getting you off is perhaps the hottest thing you’ve ever seen. Your body is a tool he’s acquainted well with, and has made his sole expertise. So many hours on this bed, learning each other naked.
“Your cunt says something else,” he smirks, pumping his fist over his girth slowly, deliberately, growling low in the process, making you wetter, making you want, want, want. A chain of chemical reactions, you’ve become. “I wanna eat you out, (Y/N), you think you’ll be able to handle that?”
Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
“I’ve been thinking about it all day,” he mumbles on your stomach, placing a kiss there, and traveling down, nose dangerously close to where you want him most. “Your face when you come apart on my tongue—I wish I could die between your legs, baby.”
“Don’t say that,” you hide your face in embarrassment, as you feel him get in position, opening your legs wide, staring shamelessly at your swollen pussy.
“I’ll say whatever the fuck I want,” he licks it once, tongue pressing flat on your clit and flicking, and you’re fucking gone. You’re writhing, trying to get away, moaning so loudly the whole house must’ve heard you. “This is mine, you’re fucking mine, and you’re so goddamn beautiful.”
He doesn’t get to work much on you, you’re coming apart in minutes. You’re so overstimulated, your legs are shaking uncontrollably, the muscles twitching. He doesn’t seem to care though, because he’s fingering all of your cream on his cock and finishing himself off, an ungodly sight, something out of a renaissance painting, the most explicit one, all well defined abs and veins popping on his neck, mouth formed into a perfect silent scream, as he pumps, and pumps and shoots on your thighs, white thick streaks, hot and sticky.
There’s a knock on the door, a throat clearing.
“Bahng,” Changbin’s voice. “It’s important.”
The room drops in the negatives. You see the abrupt change on your boyfriend’s face, his expression freezing over, his jaw clenching, moving, as he stares at the door like he wants to break it, and then beat his friend’s face in. You get on your elbows and whisper softly, “It’s okay,” to which he ignores.
“What the fuck do you want?” He calls out, furious, getting off the bed and grabbing a pair of discarded jeans from the floor.
“Meeting in ten,” his captain replies, and then there’s footsteps shuffling away.
“I need to shower, anyway,” you try to lighten the mood, reaching over the bed for your shirt. “We’ve been holed up here for hours. I don’t even know what time it is.”
“Why do you need to know?”
You don’t let his tone ruin what you’ve been building for the entire day. He was perfectly fine up until two seconds ago, it has nothing to do with you. You repeat this to yourself as you move around the room, clipping the hair away from your face, wiping the makeup from your cheeks.
“It’s really alright, Chris, you’ll only be gone for a bit.”
He ignores this as well. What he does—he takes two big strides towards you and grabs your face roughly. You meet his eyes, dark and menacing, and keep your cool. You don’t let his anger scare you, you’ve seen it all before. It has nothing to do with you, it has nothing to do with you.
“All you need to know, is I’m still in this fucking room and you smell like my cum, and there’s a lot of fucking things I can do in ten minutes,” he snarls, patting your hair down, bringing your hips together. “All you need to know is you have no use for clocks, because you’re not going anywhere. Am I fucking clear?”
You try not to let your body take over your mind, as it’s happened many times before. He knows your weak spot, he knows how good he can make it feel, and he uses it to his advantage any chance he gets.
You will not be manipulated. You will stop falling for his words.
“You’re going to regret saying that,” you retorted, suddenly sad. “You’re only being like this because you want to stay.”
To that, he visibly calms, he mellows. “Of course I do. I never wanna be anywhere else. I wanna fuck you until you’re on the verge of passing out, and then I want to take you in the water and make it all better,” he tries to kiss you but you turn your head. There are no words to describe the hurt etched on his face, then. “You’re the only thing that matters, (Y/N). The only true thing.”
“Why do you treat me like this, Chris? Hot, then cold, again and again.”
You might’ve as well slapped him. He untangles himself from you at once, and walks over to the closet for a shirt. Your stomach drops. You definitely said something you shouldn’t have. Who knows how he’ll be now, what he might do. You might not see him for days. He knows how to hurt you and keep hurting you. One coin, two sides.
Nevertheless, you have to know. He never gives you any answers. You’ve given away so much to be here, to be with him. He walks the thin line of having something like that, a line between holding you—broken glass on his shaking palm, recklessly picking up the pieces when they fall, unafraid of the blood, of the cutting and maiming, and the repercussions afterwards.
His self destructiveness has never been more prominent before. Now it’s all you see.
“One true thing, Chris. Please.”
He looked so severe, the set of his jaw, the glint in his eye. When he punches the closet door closed and smashes the mirror with his fist, you don’t think he’s quite there in the room with you anymore. He’s in that faraway place again, in that hole, so hard to find.
Of course, the blood. The blood is always there. It’s been there from the start.
He motions for you not to move, his hair a mess sticking in all directions. Such violence and it’s all within him, there’s nothing you can do to pull it out of him. Only when it lashes out, only when he becomes the weapon.
“Don’t fucking come near me,” he barks, and you stop, you remain perfectly still, your gaze locked to his knuckles, bleeding profusely, staining the carpet. “I will never hurt you,” he rasps, and there’s iron will behind his words. “I will never fucking hurt you, I’d sooner die. I’d sooner fucking die . . .” His eyes fall closed, his breathing deepens, and you’re pretty sure you only have a few seconds before this all goes to shit.
You grab your clothes, and shoes, and where’s your phone, where’s your stupid phone—
“Get out of here. Get out of here now.”
You bite your lip until you taste copper. You won’t cry. You won’t fucking cry. This is not your fight. This is not your problem.
“I love you,” you squeeze out, before you throw the door open and spill down the stairs, the beast bellowing behind you, “GET THE FUCK OUT, GET THE FUCK OUT.”
“What the hell’s going on?” Changbin puts his hands out, grabs your shoulders.
Felix doesn’t even have to look at you; he curses, and climbs the stairs three at a time, calling for backup. The demolition has already begun.
You won’t cry. You refuse, you refuse, you refuse.
There’s no love without violence, sweetheart, and did you know?
ACT THREE: intermission.
In a fight, he’s devastating.
You’d told him time and time again, none of it meant anything, not a thing, just some mindless flirting to get better tips, it was part of your job, it was silly, little, nothing, nothing at all. You’d warned him against coming inside the Muse. It’d only cause trouble.
He would only cause trouble. It’s why he had Minho permanently positioned in there, it’s how the club was under Strays payroll, it was his excuse for visiting that night.
Making sure the product was being distributed properly. Keeping an eye out. Bullshit. You were so mad at him. He never showed up for these things, they went through other people. Chris was too important for it. And yet, here he was, disrupting your workflow, beating your regulars into a pulp.
You didn’t recognize anything from the man he was the last time you saw him. He had none of the tenderness, none of the ember in his gaze, no softness; only sharp, obliterating cruelty and the gun on his strap. His fists were bloody, his anger palpable.
Your tables had emptied out, unpaid. You were so angry.
“Try it, motherfucker,” your boyfriend smashed the poor guy’s head against the hardwood floor, repeatedly, in succession, until your voice was scratched raw from shouting for someone to stop him. “Try getting near her again, let me see you. Walk a straight fucking line to my girl, see if you get to live another goddamn day.”
“I didn’t know she was your girl, man! I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” The man had been reduced to tears, his face so beat up you could barely make out his features under all the blood.
Minho stood in one corner, observing passively, while Seungmin tried to keep his friend back, ever the security guard. Chris was gone, though. There was no way to bring him back. There’d be a death tonight, and all of you would have to pretend it never happened. You think about that. About the first time you lied for him. For them.
“Bet you wanted to fuck her, hm?” He pulls his head up, only to bring him to his knee, kicking his nose broken, and throwing him back on the floor, chairs wobbling and falling over in the storm of him. “That’s what you’ve been coming for, isn’t it, you sick fuck?”
The whimpering is what did it for you. “I didn’t know. Please! Please!” You couldn’t just stand aside; you couldn’t let this go on.
The stage was empty, the band long finished with their set, now sitting at the counter over at the bar, glancing curiously your way. It was infuriating how none of them wanted to get involved. It was too late for this. Too fucking late, and you were tired.
So, you walked over to where Chris was stomping on the man’s ribs, making sure you were in his line of vision. When you got as close as you could, you called out his name. Nothing. You tried again.
“Chris. Chris.”
“I’ll fucking kill him, baby, he’ll never look at you twice, he won’t be able to, I swear it to you.” In what dark, dark place have you crawled into, my love? How do I get there?
You try to keep your voice steady, reasonable. From the corner of your eye, you see Seungmin shaking his head at you, motioning you to step back, away, out from the line of fire.
“I don’t want that, Chris. I want you to let him go.”
“What?”
“And then I want you to go home.”
In retrospect, you should’ve heeded the bouncer’s advice. This version of Chris does not belong to you, it has nothing to do with feeling or logical thought. It festered in some terror-stricken hole he’d found as a child, and grew into a large open wound, the heart tree of all inhumanity in him. You’d have to carve it out if you’re to ever save him. But to carve it . . . No. You couldn’t. Not you.
Two terrible things happened that night, things that you’d quicker forget than let yourself remember fully.
His calloused hand attacked your neck, wrapping around it with such brutal force, it knocked the air out of you. Immediately, four men jumped to your rescue, circling you like hounds, yelling at Chris, trying to snatch him away from you.
“Stand the fuck down,” he snarled at them, never taking his black eyes off you. “You think I’d actually fucking hurt her? She can take this, can’t you, sweetheart?”
You nod, willing yourself to breathe through your panic, to combine this touch with the one he uses when he makes you feel good, the pain only pleasurable, only flitting, almost enjoyable. He watches you do this, and something flashes in his expression, a recognition, a moment of clarity. It’s gone as soon as it arrives.
“Don’t ever tell me what the fuck to do, you understand? I’m doing this for you, so you can be safe,” he’s never raised his voice at you, and he’s not doing it now, either. You’d take the screaming over this eerie calmness, this polite rage.
This is the monster under your bed, the demon in your closet. You can’t do anything about this, you don’t even know what’s hiding there.
“I didn’t ask for that, Chris,” you manage to say, placing a hand over the one on your throat. No one speaks, no one moves.
“You’ve no fucking idea what’s good for you, do you?”
“Clearly,” you reply, calmly, bitterly.
You see him swallow, and fight with the shadows clouding his judgment. You see the split decision—and the way he shoves you away, the way he refuses to look at you any longer.
“Have it your way,” he snaps. He’s still so beautiful to you, even like this, the way a severe thunderstorm is, the way gray clouds can cover an entire sunny day in minutes. Not despite, but in spite. “But this fucker dies today.”
In a split second, your life—an infinite whirlwind, a dizzying dance with no end in sight—it changes, it shifts, because—Chris takes his gun out, a single click, and shoots the man on the floor beside you. All it takes. A blink of an eye. No one seems to get what happened, probably accustomed to the death looming over, but you—you’re covered in blood now, blood that’s not yours, and you’ve never seen someone die before. You don’t even think it registers in your mind, really. You just stare, and stare, and hope that he’ll get up and go to a hospital, because he looks terrible.
“Don’t feel too bad, princess,” Felix whispers somewhere from behind you. “He was a registered sex offender. Boss found out today. Chris had to do it.”
“Chris is not a hit man,” you say mechanically, paralyzed, something else looking through your eyes, inhabiting your body.
Where are you? Where’d you go?
“No, he’s not,” he agrees. You faintly feel a hand on your shoulder. You don’t react. “But he’s the one that’ll always get the job done. No matter what.”
This is the second thing. Learning that your boyfriend might be more of a collection of ghosts than an actual person. That the blood sprayed on your legs could be anyone’s, could be yours. The thing is, you weren’t truly scared before, but you are now.
And the terrifying truth—you still love him. You love him, you love him, it beats as sure as your heart, it fills you with guilt and despair, because . . . you don’t even really care. You should, surely. This is a horrible situation. But Chris is standing a mere few feet away from you, and he wants nothing to do with you, not when he’s like this, and somehow that’s more severe, that’s—that’s the real tragedy.
“Take care of it,” he cracks his neck, addressing no one in particular. Any of these men would do anything for him, for the club. Honor and loyalty, above all. “Bring me the books. There’s still business.”
Minho and Seungmin get to work, while a third person goes in the back. You don’t know who, you don’t see them, your gaze hasn’t moved from Chris. You whisper his name again, like back in the alley, over and over, and hope for him to turn around, to look and see, to dance with you, to shake you and make you spill. But he doesn’t. You don’t think he ever will again.
You’re one of them now. He didn’t keep you away, he failed, and so now you know.
“And for fuck’s sake, someone take her the hell away from here.”
You kickstart. “No, I won’t go.” You’re here, you’re here, where would I go if you’re here?
He won’t even spare you a second, a moment. He’s walking towards the bar, he’s lighting a cigarette, his hands are still raw and bleeding. The club is closed for the night, you’re no longer needed. Just another witness, just another person in the room. He can make you feel so small, so incredibly small, like you never mattered at all.
Felix steps up and offers to drive you.
“To the house,” Chris instructs firmly, skimming through pages of numbers. “Stay with her until I come back.”
There’s tears stinging your eyes. You fight not to let anyone see them. There’s so much movement around you, it’s making your head spin. Red, fuschia, orange, yellow, blue—the lights never stop turning, they bleed over everything, a dream, a technicolor dream. You lift your hand to your cheek to confirm you’re still real, that you’re still breathing.
You’re sick to your stomach. Not enough. Not enough.
“Why are you sending me away?” You try again, foolishly hoping he’s going to pay you any mind, give you any explanation.
“Come on, (Y/N),” Felix mumbles close to your ear. “You don’t wanna be here for the clean up, trust me.”
Why are you sending me away, why are you sending me away . . . You don’t remember the ride to the club house. You don’t remember much of anything after the click of that gun. It echoes. The man’s eyes roll to the back of his head, a loop of red, fuschia, orange, yellow, blue, redfuschiaorangeyellowblueredfuschiaorangeyellowblue
Someone screams.
ACT FOUR: after.
“I’ve never had a moment’s peace.”
Shirtless, with bandages running down his chest and over his shoulder, he looks like a tortured man returned from war. Burned. Turned inside out.
He was born with a gun in his hand, a ticking time bomb in his head. It’s been counting down since, the brain has festered into a landmine, a battlefield. No. Peace is a foreign word. Reserved only for you.
You listen, you let yourself become the body he loves. You can’t find it in you to be angry at him, not anymore.
“How can I hold a thing like you in my hands and not break it? When you asked me for the truth . . . I couldn’t think of anything, (Y/N), not a single fucking thing,” he wraps a towel around your head, sure, capable hands pulling you up and helping you out of the bathtub. “What I feel for you is poisonous, it’s disturbing. You don’t want that. You shouldn’t want that. It’s not what you deserve.”
“You’re saying all this like you’re saying goodbye,” you whisper, letting him dry your skin, noticing the way he won’t allow himself to linger too long.
You see his mouth curve, his brow furrow. A strange image. It’s almost as if . . .
“I’ve only ever been a monster. A pathetic fucking excuse of a man, and I cannot keep you caged, I can’t keep being selfish with you,” when he’s once again met with your silence, he circles around you, hides behind your back. “You’re incredible, you know that? Other girls would’ve been running for the hills, but not you,” when he lets your hair fall, there’s a horrifying sound, like the earth ripping apart, the heavens falling—
Chris is crying.
Chris is crying and something is very, very wrong. Nothing feels right. He won’t let you turn around. His hands hold you still, his face is buried between your shoulder blades, and he.won’t.let.you.turn.around.
Your eyes sting with the effort it takes not to break down alongside him.
“You just—won’t—fucking—leave. You won’t give up,” he sobs, and then he’s hugging you, he’s hugging you so tight your ribs burn, but it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter, because you never in a thousand years ever pictured this man crying, much less in front of you.
“I’m never giving up,” you reassure him, trying to soothe the boy trying to come out, to escape. “Because I love you. Whatever that means for you, Chris. I love you. I’m not going anywhere.”
He feel him shake his head, his hand wraps around your throat, bodies flush against each other. “I want you. I want you without . . .”
He lets go.
You turn to him, tilting your head, looking for his eyes. He exhales shakily, and moves away, grabbing his lighter from his back pocket, the cigarette from behind his ear. He rubs his face raw, then lights it, tip cherry red and burning fast, and he uses a hand to sit on the tiled floor, one arm resting on his knee. You get in front of him, towel forgotten, numb, completely numb.
“The club?” You say, quietly, so as not to anger the spirits, the demons. For no one else to hear but him. “You want to leave the club?”
He chuckles bitterly, and scratches his brow with a thumb, avoiding your gaze completely. Smoke swirls around you like snakes hunting for prey, an ominous presence. “I can’t even fucking say it. It’s been my whole life, my whole life. This fucking place—I know nothing else.”
“We‘ll figure it out. If you want out, we’ll find a way. Chris, these people look up to you, they trust you—”
“No, the fuck they don’t. That trust goes out the fucking window as soon as I walk. If I leave I’m a fucking traitor. If I leave I’ve betrayed all of them.”
You reach for his empty hand. He pulls away. You can’t ignore the Deja vu of this action. “And what about you?” You press, still. “What about what you’ve given for them, for their laws and rules? Your soul, Chris—”
He laughs, then, a proper laugh. When he does, finally, meet your eye, you see it all. The tortured, the choked, the repressed. It will never be easy. Ever. He might not ever make the decision, he might not ever leave. But dreaming about it . . . He has the right. No matter how unattainable, how unrealistic it seems to him. Why has no one ever shown him how?
“That battered, old thing,” he muses at his cigarette. “Lost it a long time ago, baby. Nothing there.”
“I don’t believe that.”
His smile breaks your heart. It looks so defeated, so devoid of any real happiness. “This is why I can’t let you go,” his fingers reach out and touch your bottom lip, the intention pure, nothing more than a reminder you’re still there, still his, but his gaze speaks of something darker, something you’ll never be able to quit.
“I got charges against me,” he says. “If I take the fall, the club remains. If I don’t, it all goes to hell.”
No. No. “Let it,” you choke out. “Let it! Chris, we can leave. We can go. Let’s just go. Please, I don’t—I can’t, I don’t want to lose—”
The biker puts his hands on your shoulders, shushes you, cradles you like a baby. You comply, a million different things bubbling inside you, ways to get him out, words you never said, everything you didn’t get to do yet. It’s not fair. It’s not fucking fair.
“Listen to me,” he continues, cigarette hanging limply from his mouth. “It’s already done. I’ll be gone for a long time, alright, and I need to make sure you’re fucking taken care of. Be a good girl for me, yeah? Listen to me, (Y/N).”
You couldn’t. You were crying too hard, you missed him already. What you two had was nothing but burrowed time, you knew this, and you still mistook it for forever. This was why he didn’t want to get too close. This is why, every time you tried to hold onto him, he slipped away like quicksand. It was all coming down to this.
“Sweetheart, come on, stop crying. You know who I am, yeah? Don’t worry about me, I can take care of myself. Listen to me—I’ve hidden money away. I want you to have it, okay? Use it to get yourself a place, somewhere safe. And don’t fucking go back to that club, I don’t wanna hear you went back, you hear me? Do something for yourself, go to school, I know how fucking smart you are, you’ll fucking blow them away. Hm?” He lifts your chin with his thumb, kisses your forehead, staying there, lingering for one, two, three seconds, before he pulls back and looks into your eyes, willing you to agree, to accept the money, to go on living without him. “I love you, alright? You got all of me, whatever’s still there, it’s all yours. Don’t wait for me. Live.”
“I don’t want to.”
He deflates, sighing heavily. “Don’t make this harder than it is, (Y/N). Do what I say.”
You shake your head, sniffling, wiping at your cheeks. “Not without you. I’m not doing any of that without you. I’ll wait. I’ll wait for you.”
His expression is pleading, his nails digging into your skin like he wants to crawl inside and change your mind. “It’ll be years, baby. Too many. You’ve no fucking idea the shit I’ve done. They got it all, some fucking snitch went and gave it all away. I’m turning myself in tomorrow, I’m not—I’m not fucking asking you to wait. You’re not. Find some lucky boy that’s got nothing to do with this life, and be normal. I never meant to bring you into all of this. You didn’t—didn’t fucking deserve it.”
“Just like that?” you ask, defeated. You could never picture yourself being with anyone else, no one at all.
After Chris, nothing. Alone. Lonely, forever.
He chuckles, crushing you to him, his arms strong, and steady, and home, home, home. “Just like that. I’ll wring his fucking neck out if he’s not good to you, though. I’ll always keep an eye out, always make sure you’re safe.”
“Can I hear it again?” Such a quiet request, barely anything.
He knew exactly what you meant. Your heart broke, fresh tears making their descent on your face. He wiped all of them away. He held you as if, if it was up to him, he’d never, ever let go.
“I love you. I love you so fucking much, sweetheart. You’ll be alright. I got you. I got you.”
You reach to where you know he keeps his gun. His hand flies out to stop you, gaze flaming with fear, with anger. Ash burns your arm, but you don’t even feel it. You’ve seen him use it; undo the safety, press down on the trigger. It was so easy for him. It’ll be easy for you too.
“Shoot me, then,” you bellow. “If you’re not gonna let me do it myself, shoot me! I don’t fucking want this, I’m not losing you, I’m not getting with someone else! What about me? You got this great plan—did you ever stop to think about what I’d want? If I’d be able to move on like how you’re expecting me to? I can’t just switch off my feelings for you, Chris, it doesn’t work like that, okay? I’ve gone through too much, I’ve seen too fucking much to just—to just—”
He wrestles you down, pinning your body on the floor, and getting on top of you, his smooth, cold gun resting on top of your heart. His mouth had curled into a tortured snarl, a bitter smile, his eyes shiny, crazy. You were shaking, he was shaking. You started crying, he started crying. With his thigh against your cunt, you felt his erection, hard and twitching.
“You think I didn’t think of this first?” He said roughly. “Christ, (Y/N), I’m trying to do the right thing here. You think I’ll be able to fucking kill you? I fucking adore you. I’d rather shoot myself in the head first, get it over with. Don’t ever fucking ask that of me again. I’ll be a dead man the second I do such a thing. I’ll be a dead fucking man if I’m not able to have you. Don’t ever fucking do that again.”
“Coward,” you spit in his face, and fight against his death grip. “Sentence us both then. I’ll be dead either way.”
He smashes your lips together. It hurts, it hurts, you wanna say, but you don’t think it’ll ever stop. There’s nothing in his way, everything in yours. In the time it takes to unzip his pants, grab his cock and guide it inside you, you’ve mourned him a thousand times over. To never have this again—him, again. . . You’ll die from missing him. You’ll cry yourself dry. There’s absolutely no way to escape this fate. You’re not ready, you’ll never be. How ridiculous it all seems in the end, faced with losing him.
He makes love to you slow, gentle, like he’s never done before. It’s not so much to get you off, than it is to make you understand. He could kill you both, but he’ll never be able to see you again. His place will be hell, the lowest level, the one he’ll have to keep walking for all eternity, while you’re up with the angels. If he doesn’t, if he hides the gun and never thinks of it again, at least he knows you’re somewhere out there, where there might be a one in a million chance he gets to be with you once more. If you’ll take him. Old and grey. He’ll never see you again as you are underneath him right now.
You stay like that on the floor for a while, with his seed spilling from between your legs, your scent all over him. You kiss him and for the first time, he kisses back. No teeth, no fists.
When he moves you over to the bed, he sleeps for the first time since he was born.
He sleeps and he dreams of you, of little hands reaching out, of being away from all this, far, far away. What he would give.
a/n. i have been working on this for quiiiite some time now and i feel so nervous to finally post it!! this will be a series of max 4 parts, i really really hope you guys will like it and if anyone is interested to be in a tag list for this pls just lemme know, hope you’ll enjoy mwah xxx
big fat huge DISCLAIMER: i have nothing against idols dating and i sure hope for them that they do if they want to!!! but for the sake of this story none of the boys have had a huge dating experience. i also do know its probably very unlikely that someone working on the staff could date any of them but like... chill its just fiction :)
You remember with great detail your first day working at JYP Entertainment and the first time you met him.
It was a beautiful spring day. The sun was shining bright in the blue sky. The wind was soft and warm as it whirled around you, carrying a sweet lilac scent. You were nervous but oh so excited. A warm feeling grew in your body as you walked confidently to the big windowed building. It was your first day as a communication and social relations intern at JYP Entertainment, one of the most successful idol companies. You remember walking through the big doors, mesmerized by the environment surrounding you. You walked to the front desk, presented yourself, and politely asked for directions. The receptionist bowed and lifted a finger in the air, signaling she would be free in a short moment. You honestly did not mind waiting. It gave you more time to appreciate the fancy interior of your future place of work. Your idle admiration halted when you noticed him standing next to you.
He wore a black cap, a face mask, and a cross-body bag hung on his shoulder. He was wearing black sweats with a black cardigan.
"I'm sorry. I couldn't help but hear you are a new worker for JYP Entertainment. I'm also heading that way. I'll show you," he suggested with a polite smile.
You followed him to the elevator, to the 10th level of the building, and only stopped when you were facing a massive dark wooden door. He wished you good luck before promptly leaving. You watched him as he disappeared around the corner and tried to make sense of the interaction you just had. He was very polite and asked a few questions about your new position. His voice seemed familiar although you couldn't pinpoint its owner. The easy going conversation he provided helped you calm down and think of something else, which was very welcome in your situation. With a deep breath, you focused on the purpose of your visit and knocked.
"Y/n, you should pay for the meal since we've done such a great job at the last event!" screamed an overexcited Han, heavily supported by Changbin.
You were in a small bar with Minho, Hyunjin, Changbin, Han, Felix, Seungmin, and Jeongin. You decided to go for a celebratory night out to highlight a few successes you had collected. It had been a year since that famous day you first stepped into the JYP entertainment building. Long gone was the stress, the discomfort, and the hesitation. Ever since that first day, you became a valued member of the Stray Kids staff. Your ability to speak three languages, various degrees, and experiences in human resources and public relations secured you a place in the team. Your three-month internship quickly evolved to a six-month one until they offered you a contractual job. Today, you finally got a permanent position as the assistant manager of Stray Kids, and you felt like your heart might explode with joy.
"I'm the one who just got the job. Shouldn't you be paying for me? Plus, it will be much less expensive," you argued teasingly. Honestly, you could care less if you had to pay for that crazy bunch or even the whole bar. YOU HAD GOTTEN THE JOB!!!
"I wouldn't say that. You eat as much as all eight of us," countered Changbin with an annoyed pout. Everybody around the small table laughed at his comment, knowing he wasn't lying.
"Hey! We will pay for Y/n. She deserves it. Congratulations on the job! Please eat and drink as much as you want." Finally settled Felix with a smile.
They all cheered for you before putting various plates and drinks in your hands. You laughed until your cheeks cramped, and you felt like you would never catch your breath. The night was merry and joyful. You felt so grateful for these amazing people you now had the chance to call friends. Still, your happiness could not be complete with the missing presence of one of the members. You swallowed back your disappointment and focused on the people surrounding you.
After your meal, you all went to the dorms to continue your celebration in a more private setting. Upon your arrival, you noticed Chan still wasn't home. You couldn't help a sharp pain from piercing through your stomach. But once again, you ignored it, put on some comfortable clothes, and joined the loud boys in the common room.
"Has anyone seen Chan hyung?" asked Jeongin as he settled on the couch between Hyunjin and Han.
"I think he's still in the studio," answered Felix with a side look in your direction. You acted as if you didn't notice, even if you weren't fooling him.
The group decided to play a game of truth or dare. Faithful to Stray Kids' brand, the game was incredibly chaotic. The questions were steamy, and the dares were very challenging. For example, when Changbin was dared to lick Lee Know's foot, to both their utmost horror. The group erupted in screams when Chang Bin dramatically pulled Lee Know's sock before barely darting out his tongue on the dancer's foot. It was your turn once everybody calmed down, and Binnie washed his tongue with soap.
"Truth or dare?" asked Chang Bin.
"Truth," you responded without hesitation. "After what I've just seen, I'm way too scared to do a dare." The boys giggled as your buff friend thought about a question to ask.
"Is it true you once talked back to JYP?" He cautiously asked. You rolled your eyes at the question you should have been expecting.
"I'm not sure if I should tell the truth..." You hesitated.
"Oh! Oh! If you're not sure, it means it's true!" screamed Han with a finger pointed at you. You hid your face with embarrassment before you resigned.
"I will neither deny nor confirm this rumor. But I will say, JYP makes a funny face when he realizes he's wrong," you added mischievously. Your answer was all it took for the group to burst into chaotic excitement once more.
"Now, my turn. Hyunjin, truth or dare?" he answered the first, probably also traumatized from Bin's dare. You fidgeted with your fingers before speaking. "Between the eight of you, who would you say has the most dating experience?"
The group of boys fell silent for a second before exploding with laughter. Out of all their possible reactions you had not been expecting that one.
"What? I didn't know that was such a humorous question," you asked, surprised. Han had fallen from the couch and was silently wheezing on the floor.
"Y/n, you're talking to twenty-something boys who have been trainees and idols for most of their young adult lives. Do you think any of us has experience dating?" he answered after catching his breath. His face was still slightly red, and you weren't convinced he wouldn't start laughing again. "We did have a few experiences here and there, but nothing very serious."
You looked around, surprised. It did make sense, but Stray Kids was such a high-energy group. Without mentionning the fact that they were all so handsome, nice and charming human beings. You sincerely thought some of them had had serious partners.
"Our only partners have been STAYS," added Changbin while lifting his glass for a cheer to their loyal fans. The rest of the group nodded accordingly.
"Really? Even Chan?"
This time, your friends all looked at each other with a chuckle.
Minho glanced at you with a suspicious expression. "Why do you ask that?"
You tried to restrain the heat spreading on your cheeks from alerting them of your true intentions. "Well, he is the oldest, and Chan is so... approachable. I thought if someone might have at least a little more experience it's him," you smoothly argued.
"Well, you are wrong. Even if we barely have any, Chan's the worst of us," added Hyunjin with a look around his brothers.
Suddenly bored with the subject, the group picked up on the game again. You observed them silently, so many questions still dancing around your head. The seat next to you bent as Felix joined you with a knowing look.
"So, Bang Chan," he started with his deep voice.
"I was just asking for the game. I swear." Pink colored your cheeks, and this time, you couldn't hide it.
The member who had become one of your best friends stared at you unimpressed. He sighed, "Chan is the worst of us because he never takes time off. You are right. He's approachable, nice, and everything you want, but it never goes past a certain level." He took a moment to think before he continued, "You know how hard Chan works, right?" you nodded. Everybody knew. "And you know how he has a hard time sleeping, how stressed he is, how much pressure he puts on himself?" You nodded again, this time much more somberly. "Still, he never bothers anyone with his problems? He keeps on showing up. Chan's a very private person. He will be nice to you, but he's very guarded about what he goes through. I'm not sure why. Anyway, that is a big obstacle to surpass if you want to have a special someone in your life. Plus, I don't think he even notices people giving him that kind of attention. He's so shy about it. Sometimes, I think he forgets that there's a whole wide world apart from our idol's existence."
You silently processed all that new information. "Do you think that's also why he forgot about tonight?" you finally asked. The words had been hanging at your lips, but it hurt to admit he forgot about your special night. He had been so supportive ever since you started at the company. His absence had hurt way more than you would care to admit.
Felix let out a defeated sigh before wrapping an arm around your shoulders.
"You know him. He's been in a creative slump. Inspiration probably struck tonight, and the rest of the world ceased to exist. It's nothing against you," he squeezed your shoulder in an attempt at confort.
"I know, it just means I'm nothing special to him either," you muttered.
Felix was the only one who knew of your year-long crush on Chan. He was observant and quickly noticed how flushed you turned whenever the oldest member was around. But how could you not like him? You had once argued with Felix. He was so thoughtful and caring. His laugh had the power to brighten up your days in a second. He was always the one to try and make you giggle when you were frustrated or sad. For a whole year now, you had been watching over each other as you worked your asses off for the company. You liked and admired Chan for the whole person he was.
"You know it's more than that. Still, I understand your pain. What do you say about a bunch of brownies to fix your aching heart?" he suggested with a sweet smile.
"Did I hear brownies?" suddenly roared Changbin.
Your baking session was incredibly messy, cluttered, and fun. Han, Changbin, and Jeongin were the DJs in a corner while Felix, Seugmin, and you were on baking duty. Minho and Hyunjin were responsible for decorating the baked batch of brownies and even prepared one for you with candles.
"To celebrate your amazing promotion!" they cheered with proud smiles.
The boys gathered around while you blew the candles and once your wish was made they engulfed you in a hug until you couldn't breathe.
It was 1:00 am when Chan finally appeared. The boys were already in bed while you were cleaning up a little, unable to sleep. You lifted your head in surprise when you heard someone enter the room. Your eyes fell on a very tired-looking Bang Chan. His hair was sticking up, probably from running his hand through it too much. He was still wearing his practice sweats, and his bare face was annoyingly good-looking. He looked around the room, confused, until his gaze fell on the pieces of brownies left with a bit of "Congratulations Y/n!" frosting. Suddenly, his eyes went up two sizes.
"Oh no. Did I forget your celebratory night?"
You scrunched your face and stopped what you were doing. "Might have, but don't worry. You didn't miss much. We just went out, played games, and then decided to bake some brownies."
"Y/n, I'm so sorry." His hand went up to squeeze his head. "I got an idea for a new song and lost track of time."
You lifted your shoulders as if it meant nothing to you. Set on not letting him see you disappointed. "It's okay Chan," you whispered while keeping on cleaning.
"No, it's not. Come here." He shuffled to you with his big hands stretched out, a look of guilt on his face. You let him hug you for a second before you tried pulling back. "Let me hug you properly. Don't be stubborn," he whined.
You finally gave up and allowed his arms to properly wrap around you. A few inches taller, his head rested on yours, and you let yourself be engulfed by his warmth and the comfort it brought you until you pulled away again. These things with Chan were dangerous, especially after your conversation with Felix. You realized you couldn't allow your feelings to grow too much. Even if it wasn't directly because of you, Bang Chan did not have the space in his life for love, and you were not the person who would make him change his mind. You had to keep the damages to a minimum. He whined again as you separated from him, not quite understanding. You were usually never one to refuse a hug.
"I'm gonna go to bed." You finally stated without adding another word. Leaving was the best choice as you knew how thin your resolve grew whenever Christopher Bahng Chan was in your orbit.
He watched you leaving, not understanding why he suddenly felt so uneasy. The expression he saw on your face was foreign to him.
"You messed up on this one hyung."
He turned to look at the owner of the deep baritone voice he just heard. Felix was standing in the doorway with his arms crossed on his chest.
Here are some fics I've collected of STRAY KIDS. I have a few more saved up, so I will be adding those in the future. Enjoy :) Idk if all the links work. Some works may have been deleted already. Also, some info might be missing. *Disclaimer: English is not my first language.*
Summary: Being a waitress at your dad’s chicken shop wasn’t the most ideal job, but with dreams of attending the haneol sports university, you power through — even if it means dealing with customers such as seo changbin, elite swimmer and irritant extraordinaire. However, when that very boy catches you swimming in the university pool, you have to comply to his wishes in order to avoid consequences — arguing, spending time, and see what’s truly beneath that cheeky, muscled exterior.
Company (Ft. Lee Know) - @btssmutgalore (S)
Status: Completed
Word Count: 15.3k
Summary: You’re sick and tired of living the good girl life. In other words, you just want to get laid, and who better to help than your two best friends? (Non-idol!AU, F2L!AU)
Finding Comfort In Autumn - @therhythmafterthesummer (F, S, A)
Status: Completed
Word Count: 16k
Summary: Changbin was an alpha. He had always been an alpha, but he had a secret. A secret he had only ever shared with the alpha of his pack, a secret he had kept buried as deep within him as he could, a secret he had decided to ignore, until the presence of that annoying omega coworker of his wouldn’t let him ignore it anymore. (Werewolf!Changbin, Werewolf!Reader, Rivals2Lovers!AU, Roommates!Au)
Hypothesis - @fizzydrink698 (S, F)
Status: Completed
Word Count: 9.1k
Summary: …
Petty Works - @seo--changbin (S, A, F) *recently added*
Status: Completed
Word Count: 4.7k
Summary: You didn't know what has gotten into you the moment you ask your friend Changbin if he would hook up with you if ever you and your now ex-boyfriend didn’t workout. At first, Changbin thought that you were joking, knowing that you’ve only had two boyfriends in your life and don’t have that much experience when it comes to randomly hooking up with other people you don’t even know. But as soon as he realized that you were actually being serious, he was surprised to say the least, because the last time he checked, you weren’t into that kind of stuff. (FWB!AU)
Untitled #4 - @matryosika (S)
Status: Completed
Word Count: 6.4k
Summary: Bodyguard!Changbin
Your Moans Would Sound Nice (Ft. 3RACHA) -@loubouskz (S)
Status: Completed
Word Count: 3k
Summary: One sentence leads to... something interesting
Summary: There are three things you hate more than anything: 1. Your english Lit. professor, 2. Frat parties, and last but most definitely not least, 3. CollegeSluts.com and their founders. There are three things Hyunjin hates more than anything: 1. College, 2. Back alley blowjobs, and 3. The frustrating desire to fuck you silly.(E2L!AU, College!Au)
Coloring With U – @honeyvocalhwang (F, S)
Status: Completed
Word Count: 8.8k
Summary: Getting off on the wrong foot, you falsely accuse Hyunjin of being a stalker, vowing to report him; however, a bribe from your shared friend Seungmin has you face to face with your misunderstood stalker, who shows you what the true beauty of art is beyond brushes and canvases. (College!AU, E2L!AU, ArtMajor!Hyunjin, Pre-Med!Reader)
Fairy Lights - @drewexe (S)
Status: Completed
Word Count: 7k
Summary: You didn't like hyunjin. you didn't really know hyunjin but he was popular and that annoyed you. in that light, maybe going to his party wasn't your brightest idea. (E2L!AU)
Hate you! Use you! - @seo--changbin (S, A) *recently added*
Status: Completed
Word Count: 7.4k
Summary: Money was never easy to come by with, especially if you were never born with a silver spoon in your mouth. So, you did what you had to do in order to survive, but what happens when the person that you hate the most happens to find out about your dirty little secret? (College!AU, F2E2EwithBenefits!AU)
Just Stay With Me - @straywrds (F, S)
Status: Completed
Word Count: 17k
Summary: It's time for the yearly winter getaway organized by your boss. You haven't participated in a little while, but this year you're determined to spend some quality time with your coworkers. (Coworkers2Friends2Lovers!AU)
The Bet (Ft. Jisung) - @chvnnie (S)
Status: Completed
Word Count: 8.2k
Summary: Hyunjin and Jisung make a bet. The prize? You.
Summary: Romance was just a figment of my imagination once college has begun, I made sure to focus on my career path before friendship and romance. Neither less to say I’ve been told to live a little before it’s too late, let’s just say I prefer to be on my best behavior and not get into deep shit with the law. I’ve always been known as the shy girl no one pays mind to and I’ve prefer to keep things that way, but what I never imagined was being in the arms of a man whose eyes hold the deepest secrets. (CEO!AU, Maffia!AU, College!AU)
Fool Me Twice (Ft. Felix) – @taeyongdoyoung (A, S)
Status: 2/2 Chapters (Completed)
Word Count: 12.6k (2 Chapters)
Summary: When your little brother is taken by the mischievous faeries, you have no choice but to follow him. In an attempt to save him, you somehow get yourself into a bigger mess that involves magic, a seemingly friendly demon you strike an unexpected deal with and the dangerous, yet alluring king of the faeries. (Demon!Hyunjin x Witch!Reader x Faerie!Felix)
Take Care – @multifandomfantasies (A, S)
Status: 4/4 Chapters + 2 bonuses (Completed)
Word Count: 14.1k (4 Chapters)
Summary: Dark fic, please heed the warnings (Kidnapping, noncon)
Han Jisung (HAN)
ONE SHOTS:
Acquainted - @ch4nb4ng (S)
Status: Completed
Word Count: 7.7k
Summary: Jisung was the repulsive, totally arrogant drag racer from your area. You were the mechanic aways willing to fix his bike, but that wasn’t the only interactions the two of you had shared (FWB!AU, E2L!AU).
Aphrodisiacs with Jisung - @matryosika (S, F)
Status: Completed
Word Count: 5.1k
Summary: BestFriend!Jisung and you try aphrodisiacs because they certainly won't work... Right?
jisung’s jaw tensed as soon as his digit pressed on the video you had sent him.
Chill- @j-0ne25 (F, S)
Status: Completed
Word Count: 5.9k
Summary: Between university stress and additional shifts at your job, there’s one more factor that’s getting on your nerves the most – Han Jisung, your obnoxiously loud, absolutely lazy and annoyingly attractive roommate. (Roommates!Au)
Public Display Of Affection - @bugeater101 (S, A, F)
Status: Completed
Word Count: 8.7k
Summary: You hated Han Jisung. Despite being one of many students in a prestigious school, it felt like he was the only one who matched your intellect. And it annoyed the hell out of you. He was just as smart, just as talented, and just as competitive—but he didn’t put in a single ounce of work to get where he was. The worst thing about him? The fact that you were wildly attracted to him. (E2L!AU)
The Bet (Ft. Hyunjin) - @chvnnie (S)
Status: Completed
Word Count: 8.2k
Summary: Hyunjin and Jisung make a bet. The prize? You.
Your Moans Would Sound Nice (Ft. 3RACHA) - @loubouskz (S)
Status: Completed
Word Count: 3k
Summary: One sentence leads to... something interesting
Summary: When your long time boyfriend decided to break up after 4 years together, you assume that life is over, especially because you know that he' s chasing the true love that he's longed for. How can you even be mad? You don't choose who you love. However, your roommates and best freinds, Chan and Felix are determinded to get you out of your slump. They decided to bring you to a party. There you're met with not only your ex, but your worst enemy Han Jisung. Despite being in the same friend group you both have never gotten along... However tonight of all nights decided to take a turn and the start of an unlikely agreement. (University!AU, E2L!AU)
Lee Yongbok (FELIX)
ONE SHOTS:
00:01 -@jeontaeil (S)
Status: Completed
Word Count: 0.7k
Summary: When best friends experiment with each other... (Bff!BangChan x AFAB!Reader x Bff!Felix)
Summary: You can't believe your eyes when you spot your rival at the video game convention that you have been looking forward to for months. You want to be furious, really, but what happens when he's suddenly totally kind and a little too flirty with you, after he realises the both of you are unintentionally attending the event in matching cosplays? (Rival!Felix, E2L!AU, BestFriend!Hyunjin)
Hurricane - @j-0ne25 (F, S)
Status: Completed (part of SKZ as fairytales series)
Word Count: 4.3k
Summary: Freezing in your appartement due to a heater problem, it seems as if only one person can save you - your enemy Felix. (E2L!AU)
One Last Trip - @bngchnsi (F, S, A)
Status: Completed
Word Count: 5.1k
Summary: With your best friend going off to college half way across the world, it’s only natural to want to send him off with one last hoorah! and so what if you’re in love with him, you’re just going to have to get over it after this road trip is over!
The Samurai - @dreamescapeswriting (A, F, S)
Status: Completed
Word Count: 7.9k
Summary: (Samurai!AU, E2L!AU)
SERIES:
Fool Me Twice (Ft. Hyunjin) – @taeyongdoyoung (A, S)
Status: 2/2 Chapters (Completed)
Word Count: 12.6k (2 Chapters)
Summary: When your little brother is taken by the mischievous faeries, you have no choice but to follow him. In an attempt to save him, you somehow get yourself into a bigger mess that involves magic, a seemingly friendly demon you strike an unexpected deal with and the dangerous, yet alluring king of the faeries. (Demon!Hyunjin x Witch!Reader x Faerie!Felix)
Practice Sessions – @hynjnhwng (S)
Status: 3/3 Chapters (Completed)
Word Count: 9k (3 Chapters)
Summary: You’re about to bag your first real boyfriend, and who better to have a practice run with but Felix? You’ve done everything together, already. It just makes sense. From outside, looking in, one might be perplexed as to how you and your best friend, Felix, end up like this: your knees aching against the hardwood floor of his apartment, because it starts out innocently enough the first time (ChildhoodFriends!AU, University!AU)
Kim Seungmin
ONE SHOTS:
Anniversary - @sailorhyunjinz (S)
Status: Completed
Word Count: 3.7k
Summary: ...
Don't Go Yet - @hwangly (S, F, A)
Status: Completed
Word Count: 8.2k
Summary: Once is a mistake, twice is a coincidence, three times is a habit. Kim Seungmin never liked the idea of an office romance. It was a line he was sure he’d never cross, until he met you. Nosy friends and a lot of alcohol is to blame when you go from being coworkers to fuck buddies. But what’s to happen when you take alcohol away from the equation? (Coworkers2L!AU)
Let's Play A Love Game - @ch4nb4ng (S, F)
Status: Completed
Word Count: 6k
Summary: Being friends with benefits was a good idea: at first. But when feelings start to grow, and a certain bet was made, everything will be put on the line: can you handle getting all or nothing? (F2L!AU, FWB!AU)
The Portrait of You and Me - @starlostseungmin (A, F, S)
Status: Completed (+ prologue)
Word Count: 14k
Summary: Royal!Au, Prince!Seungmin, Fantasy!Au
The Snow Queen - @j-0ne25 (F, S)
Status: Completed (part of SKZ as fairytales series)
Word Count: 5.9k
Summary: Seungmin and you have always been best friends – nothing more than that, even though you wish for him to return your romantic feelings. But once he goes missing in a terrible snow storm, it’s your duty to find and rescue the love of your life. (ModernFairytale!AU, Fantasy!AU, College!AU, Childhoodfriends2Lovers!AU)
Truth or Dare - @matryosika (S)
Status: Completed
Word Count: 3.8k
Summary: ...
SERIES:
~ Nothing yet... ~
Yang Jeongin (IN)
ONE SHOTS:
I Saw You And I Knew - @etherealinowrites (S, A, F)
Status: Completed
Word Count: 6k
Summary: It had been 5 years since you last saw jeongin, your longtime crush. Now you both have ended up in the same college away from your hometowns. It’s got to be more than a coincidence, right?
Summary: You've spent almost your entire life hating Yang Jeongin. In middle school, he left you crying at the front gates for getting the best score on an exam. With crushed dignity, you declared him your arch nemesis and worked your ass off to beat him in academics. With college finally here, you thought you'd be free of him, but out of coincidence or spite, he's attending the same university and running in the same friend group. With him going out of his way to make your life a living hell, it's almost comedic that you find heaven in the form of his body. (College!AU, E2L!AU, AcademicRivals!AU)
Heat of the Moment - @bugeater101 (F, A, S)
Status: Completed
Word Count: 9.4k
Summary: The picnic date meant for you and Jeongin friends turns sour when a platonic food-fight results in a much-too intense battle for dominance. When you run away after a spell of hurt feelings, you couldn’t help but feel something else, too. After fleeing the embarrassing scene, you decided to take matters into your own hands and try to rid yourself of the weird feelings you felt towards your friend and pray for normalcy. When Jeongin came by to drop off your mask, however, he saw all of the mischievous things you were doing and knew he had to help.
Hot as Hell - @bngchnsi (S)
Status: Completed
Word Count: 2.7k
Summary: note to self: don’t ever ask an ouija board if a demon will fuck you tonight; there might be a demon actually listening and willing to fulfill that promise (Incubus!Jeongin)
Love-hate with Jeongin - @ballelino (S)
Status: Completed
Word Count: 7.8k
Summary: Your love-hate relationship with Jeongin gets a little out of hand.
Settle Down - @j-0ne25 (F, S)
Status: Completed (part of SKZ as fairytales series)
Word Count: 3.4k
Summary: When your mother visits you for the annual Christmas Dinner, wanting to meet your boyfriend that isn't your boyfriend anymore, your roommate comes up with a spontaneous idea to handle the situation. (FakeDating!AU, Roommate!AU, BestFriend!AU)
Teach me to reach you - @hynjnhwng (S)
Status: Completed
Word Count: 2k
Summary: Lee know x reader x I.N.
SERIES:
Fatal Attraction – @seospicybin (S, A)
Status: 2/2 Chapters (Completed)
Word Count: ...k (2 Chapters)
Summary: our father as the leader of the Southside must given up something as a penalty for breaking the territorial rules to the Northside leader, Yang Jeongin. It’s an exchange that he can’t resist, a hidden daughter of the Southside, you. (Maffia!Au)
Pairing: afab reader x bang chan, established college relationship
Word count: 4.8k
Warnings: SMUT! jk soft!dom chan, sub reader, corruption, finger sucking, penetration, clit rubbing, praise (lots of it hehe), orgasm, mentions of ejaculation.
Summary: The first 6 months of your relationship with chan was very calm, very relaxed, innocent. But this is what happens, something so innocent, doesn't always turn out to be what it seems.
Note: Okay this is straight up dumpster fire that is very veryVERY SULF INDULGENT okay so if this is too boring/vanilla I'm sorry, it's just what I like! If you do choose to read it however, I hope you enjoy ! <3
“Just a little longer,” you cooed out to your boyfriend, who waited oh so patiently on the bedding behind your desk. Chan had been begging for your attention for at least 20 minutes now. His project for his music major had been completed hours ago. It was definitely easier for him, especially when he had two other people helping him on said project. In fact, that was the case with all of his assignments. Music majors had around 90% of assignments having to be completed in groups. The other 10% were solos, but only made up for 15% of the grade.
On the other hand, being a psychology major felt to be on the other side of the spectrum. Single person assignments, oral presentations. Hours upon hours of academic research. It felt endless. Sometimes you truly question why on earth you chose this as your future career path. Nevertheless, all you had to do was pick up one textbook, and open the first page, introducing you to the true passions of your life. Helping people, and working out how to fix one’s brain to help said people.Chan was also a very understanding boyfriend. He too took up some subjects that covered the broad aspects of psychology. In fact, it was how the two of you met, six months ago. It happened to be the one group project of the semester that had brought the two of you together. It was love at first sight. Inseparable.. He was always at your dorm. You at his. It felt like a dream, and you did not know what you had done to deserve such a sweet man in your life.
On the other hand, being a psychology major felt to be on the other side of the spectrum. Single person assignments, oral presentations. Hours upon hours of academic research. It felt endless. Sometimes you truly question why on earth you chose this as your future career path. Nevertheless, all you had to do was pick up one textbook, and open the first page, introducing you to the true passions of your life. Helping people, and working out how to fix one’s brain to help said people.Chan was also a very understanding boyfriend. He too took up some subjects that covered the broad aspects of psychology. In fact, it was how the two of you met, six months ago. It happened to be the one group project of the semester that had brought the two of you together. It was love at first sight. Inseparable.. He was always at your dorm. You at his. It felt like a dream, and you did not know what you had done to deserve such a sweet man in your life.
“Aw come on y/n,” he pouted, grabbing your favorite unicorn stuffed toy and throwing it, gently so it barely touched the back of your chair. You turned around, a dramatic cry escaping your lips like you had just been shot facing him.
“How could you?” you cried, falling out of your chair and onto the bed, face buried into the doona cover, “I never thought it would come to this, but I guess I have no choice.”
His eyebrows were furrowed, not sure what to make of the muffled monologue you had just given. He jumped when he saw you sit up, knees on the floor as you held up two guns, index and middle finger pointed straight at his chest. His hands went up immediately, exaggerated expressions of fear plastered across his face as you moved closer to him.
“Y/n,” he whispered, “you don’t have to do this.”
“Oh,” you snickered, “but I have to, I am a spy from the national spy academy. I was waiting for this. Now I can kill you.”
“Noooo,” he whined, falling on his back as you cocked your fingers forward, the pretend pull of the trigger taking your boyfriend out. You giggled as you crawled back onto your bed, nuzzling up against Chan’s shoulder as he smiled, longing for your warmth to embrace him. This truly was the happiest you had ever been in a relationship, and although it was fresh, there was no doubt that this man was going to be in your life for a long time.
“Hmm,” he mumbled, feeling the vibration across the plane of your face, “what time do you have a study group tonight?”
“Oh,” you gasped, taking your head off his shoulder, rolling up and on top of him, “I didn’t tell you it got canceled?”
“No,” he chuckled, booping your nose with his index finger, “you didn’t! But that is okay because…”
“Because?”
“Because I am not doing anything either!”
“Yay,” you squealed, repeatedly hitting his chest playfully, “I think it’s time we had a movie night, don’t you think?”
Chan was pushing you off of him, in a very gentle manner, making you pout with sadness. A distance could already be felt the moment he pulled away. Maybe you were too caught up in the man that was Chan already, because even though he was in the room, only inches away, your body already felt sad, already craved to be back in his arms.
“Where are you going?” Your voice was low, very suly to the ear, making your boyfriend giggle.
“Don’t worry, I’m just going to make some popcorn, try not to miss me too much.”
“That will be hard, but okay,” you sighed, quickly grabbing the remote, “I’m picking the movie then.”
Chan threw his head back, pretending to be annoyed as he walked out of the room. Your eyes scurried from left to right, swiping across what felt to be all possible movies that were available on Netflix.
By the time Chan had arrived, a bowl full of microwave popcorn, the movie had just been selected. The Hunger Games: Catching Fire. One of your all time favorites. The corner of Chan’s lips turned up immediately on the screen. Seeing Katniss with a bow was enough to do so. He hopped back under the covers rapidly, placing the bowl on the side table as he fell under the covers, nuzzling himself into your chest before pushing the sheet down, just so only his eyes peeked out. The comfort was felt once again as you brought your hands to his hair, gently ruffling his locks to comfort him. Call him a puppy, but head scratches were one of the most soothing things he enjoyed. His eyes were slowly drifting shut, but the movie had barely started: this was something you would not accept. Just before they could close properly, you leaned forward gently lifting the sheets and, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. His eyes shot open, a subtle tint of red covering his cheeks as he looked at you and your close proximity to him.
“Oh shit, I was already falling asleep, my bad,” he sighed, sounding somewhat fatigued. You felt a little bit of guilt. Knowing mid semester exams were coming up, and Chan had been working on a large project, he was tired. Maybe you shouldn’t mess around with him and just let him sleep.
“No no,” you shook your head, swiping your palm against his forehead in a soothing manner, “fall asleep if you need to. I know you have been under the pump lately.”
“Shh it’s okay,” he mumbled, “come here.”
Chan lifted the sheets above his head, arching his torso, giving room for you to sneak in front of him. The movie was nothing but a distant sound to the two of you as you snuggled together. His head fit perfectly into the crook of your neck, which you thought would be a relaxing feeling, just like it usually was. But this time it felt different. Mainly because of the fanning of his breath tingling across the exposure of your neck. It ticked, but it also felt really good, going straight to your head. It had woken something within you, because now, the last thing you wanted to do was cuddle.
The problem, however, was that you were too nervous to say anything. It’s not that you were uncomfortable with Chan, no, that was not an issue. The relationship was still very new, so when it came to the, well, naughty side of things, not many things had been explored yet. He didn’t really know what you liked and didn't like, and vice versa. The sex, up until this point, was very vanilla. Not that it was bad of course. It was very good, but you knew that there was much more you wanted to do with your boyfriend.
His scent was becoming more intoxicating with each breath that came from his lips. But instead of being a normal person and asking him, you subtlety rocked your ass into him, intentionally grinding a little more stronger when you felt yourself hit him right between his legs. Fuck. He was already hard. He was receptive. Your eyes widened, biting down on your bottom lip to prevent any stifling sound of pleasure escaping your lips. Your body was now frozen, not wanting to agitate the man next to you. It was a dead giveaway, however. It took him a minute, but you could feel it, feel the gentle push of his hips against your own, creating a slight friction. A simple moan mumbled out of your lips, hand quickly coming to your mouth. The sudden feeling of proximity had disappeared. Oh shit. Panic began to fill your bloodstream when you saw him leave your room without a word. Maybe you did really push it too far. It’s not like you really did anything though, just a little bump and grind. Something else was wrong, and you were determined to find out what it was.
Following in pursuit, you threw the sheets off you, lurking around and eventually finding him in the kitchen. He was standing with much stiffness, a hard member very apparent, even in those thick sweatpants of his.His hand wrapped around a glass of water, tight. You couldn’t help but let your mind wander to dangerous territories. How he would feel inside of you. How the feeling of those calloused, hard working hands around the base of your throat, oxygen slightly cut off. You had to shake your head before approaching him, wanting to have a mature and serious facade, not one full of lust and desire.
You approached him slowly, snaking your arms around his waist from behind as you pressed your body up against his back. It took him back, Chan clearly deep in thought as it took him a moment to notice your presence. What on earth was going on?
“Babe,” you whispered, kissing his back, “is everything okay?”
“What? Oh, yeah,” he replied, turning to face you, “sorry for leaving without not saying anything.”
“It’s okay,” you smiled, “just wanted to make sure you’re okay?
He said nothing, instead placing his hands on either side of your ass. You jumped, not expecting him to make such a bold movement. A smirk accidentally creeped onto your lips; you loved the way his hands felt. Whether it be something as simple as holding while walking down the street, or a hand on your back when helping you walk through a door. Call it an oral fixation, because now, all of a sudden in this very moment, you craved them on you, in you. It was so dirty, the guilt consuming you once more when you weren’t quite sure what kind of mood he was in, maybe it would become more apparent in the next few minutes.
“Do you think I didn't notice?”
“Didn’t notice what?”
“Look down.”
Your eyes trailed slowly, descending, holy fuck. You had thought that it was already completely hard, but that was your mistake. His length stuck out, wide, angled to the left. Your eyes widened immediately, core aching at the sight. “I d-don’t know what youre talking about,” you replied, voice cracking, “what am I looking at?”
“Oh come on y/n, please, you know that this is what you did to me.”
Adrenaline cracked in your skull, drilling through your body at a rapid pace, setting you into flight or fight. You had no time to think, to behave. The grip on your body became tighter and tighter, having no option but to bring you closer to him. Your arms were wrapped around his neck. Nothing had ever been so intimate ever, especially with him. Chan’s head was tilted to the left, leaning closer and closer. You mistook his action, thinking he was moving closer to your lips, but he brushed past them, heading straight towards your upper ear instead. His breath was on you again, and everything felt like it was back in alignment. His tongue also became a part of the mix, your boyfriend licking a long stripe from the bottom of your ear lobe, all the way to the top. A gasp escaped your lips, unaware of how good his tongue felt.
“C-Chan,” you shivered, holding onto him, “what are you doing?”
“Come on baby,” he hissed, continuing on your earlobe, “you know where this is going.”
His voice, the tone was very seductive, something you had never heard before. Your core was truly beginning to intensify in its aching. And the longer this went on, the longer he looked at you like nothing but a piece of meat, the more you needed to be satisfied. Chan withdrew from your ear, bringing his lips right back to your own.
“I’ve tried,” he paused, bringing his hands to your waist, “I’ve tried so hard to hide this side of me to you.”
The mystery behind his words did nothing but contribute to your arousal. The kind, loving, very respectful and caring man that was your boyfriend had disappeared. You were slightly terrified, but very, very intensely turned on.
“What,” you took a breath, swallowing hard before looking up at him, “Chan, what do you mean?”
Your voice sounded like nothing. It was so small, so tiny up against him. His voice was dripping with desire, you could smell it, you wanted to taste it. Your body temperature was rising at a great speed, making you dizzy with want and need the longer he kept you waiting like this.
“Like every time you are near me,” he breathes loudly, lips trailing down to your neck, “I just want to show you.”
He paused once more, drinking his teeth into the corner of your neck, where your shoulder and neck meet.
“I want to show you how good you know I can make you feel. But I can’t be a gentleman about it.”
You really did not know how your knees did not go weak at his words. This side of your boyfriend truly was something you had never seen. You never thought the subtly grinding on him would lead you to this alter ego, but you definitely were not complaining. Maybe it was just easier to play along.
“Oh yeah?”
“Mhm,” he muffled, lips still stuck on your neck. You grabbed his face, gripping each cheek as you took him away from your neck, bringing him back to your face. You finally looked up into his eyes, seeing the black boring out of them. His lust daze was pouring into your own, and you couldn’t handle it anymore. You leaned forward, finally attaching your lips to his. A moan of relief escaped your lips as he slipped his tongue in. Nothing had ever been so intimate. This kiss was deep, filled with so much need and want He pushed into you deeper and deeper. You could truly tell how much he had been holding back.
All it took was one swift motion, grabbing your legs and lifting them so they were now wrapped around his keen torso, skillfully keeping his kiss intact as he walked backwards to your bedroom, sitting himself down first, leaving you to straddle him. You pull away, chest heaving heavily as you look at him. You wanted to giggle, noticing how out of breath he also was. The next plan of attack was his clothes. How many layers did he have on? Surely he only had one, just the hoodie, it’s what he usually did. and so there you were, fingers barely trailing the lining as you lifted it up, exposing the bottom of his torso. Chan was impatient, grabbing his own and ripping it over his head. Fuck. You had seen his body several times, this was nothing new. Half of the time he walked around like this. But this. He gripped your wrist, forcing you to brush your fingertips up against his abs. A shover spiked through your back, sensory nerves paying attention to how cut out he really was.
“Baby I-”
“Shhh,” he hissed, hands now lingering around your own clothing, thumbs rubbing back and forth at the hem of your shirt, “fuck I really want to take this off, can I?”
“Stop.”
The promiscuous look on his face dropped. One concern coming on. His hands came to your face, truly worried that he had gone too far.
“Y/n? I’m so sorry I-”
“No no,” you whispered, “you didn’t let me finish.”
Your fingers were wrapped around his wrists, trailing them down your sides, stopping them at your hips. Your hips ground forward, creating force on Chan’s wrist to create a tempo of friction. A stifled groan escaped from his lips, pulling you harder against him. The rhythm was slow, but hard.
“Stop being so nice to me?”
“What?” Chan’s question was genuinely one of confusion. You scoffed, discarding your own shirt as you looked back up at him, wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him even closer to you. Your exposed chest pressed against his bare one. Your ground is harder, your core screaming for more. God, it felt so good, he felt so good. He looked up at you, devil haunting eyes right rolling back into full force as he looked at you. It terrified you for a moment. The way he was looking at you. Not like a person. But prey. Something he needed to take on and conquer. If any other man looked at you this way, you would be disgusted. But you didn't know why, or how, or when, but the longer you sat there, grinding your hips desperately against your boyfriend’s cock, the weaker you became.
“Fuck me like how you want to fuck me,” you whined, “please.”
Your lips were back on his, this time much rougher. Chan maneuvered himself, leaning you on your side as he pulled away, coming from behind you. He was so desperate, so much so your pants were coming down, panties with them, barely coming down. They only made it halfway down your thighs, but you didn’t care, he did care. His eagerness was rubbing off on you. A whine of frustration came from your lips, and it was all Chan needed to hear. You didn’t know how, seeing as he was behind you, but his pants were off, boxers following, because all you could feel was his cock pushing up against your ass.
“You want me to treat you like that huh?”
“Yes,” you groaned, dick winding in between your ass cheeks, “please fuck me.”
“Fuck,” he groaed shakily, “you sound so fucking hot like that.”
You helped him push the rest of your remaining clothing on, leaving you completely naked, and completely exposed to him. Part of Chan felt guilty. He really didn’t want to be disrespectful by any means. He always wanted you to feel like you were on a cloud, and all of the other times the two of you had been intimate, he was so calm, so gentle, careful. It wasn’t him, and the fact that you were recprictpacing such filthy wants and needs made his brain short circuit over and over again. Chan’s right arm hooked around your left leg as he fingers snaked around, fingers just inching away from your folds.
“Keep your leg up baby,” he cooed, impressed by how easily it was to give you orders, “such a good girl for me, aren’t you?”
The praise sent another shiver down your spine. Of course you wanted to be obedient to him. It felt like that was your purpose in life at this very moment. Your head was turned slightly, seeing his fingers sliding farther and farther into his mouth. Your jaw dropped, seeing those hands that you daydreamed about many many times. He noticed your gaze, chuckling at how surprised you were.
“Like what you see?”
You nodded, grabbing his wrist as you opened your mouth, lips passionately wrapping around the slender digits. It was his time for your boyfriend's jaw to drop. He didn’t know something such as sucking on somebody’s fingers could be so hot, so arousing. His hips began to subconsciously move against you, unable to contain himself as he looked at her. Maybe he was naive, but his brain was starting to truly stop functioning, well the rational part of it. His innocent little girlfriend taking his fingers like a champ. The idea of corrupting you was so large in his brain, it was the only thought, only cognition he could facilitate.
“Fuck,” you crused under your breath, withdrawing his fingers from your mouth.
“You’re so fucking hot y/n,” he spat, ogling at the oozing saliva and spit that coated his fingers. He dragged them to your pussy almost immediately, pushing his index and middle fingers through your folds, hoping to jump as soon as they touched your bundle of nerves. Chan chuckled as he slowly began to rub in circular motions. You buried your head into your chest, not wanting to show how much the simplest of touches were affecting you.
“It’s okay baby,” he giggled, “bet that feels so good huh?”
“Y-yes,” you mumbled, back flush against his body, “so good Chan.”
“You’re so cute, but also so wet already huh?”
You had nothing to say, not wanting to embarrass yourself with another voice crack. You could feel him adjusting himself behind you, the tip of his cock prodding at your soaked entrance. His fingers continued, a little stronger in contact as he pushed down, making your eyes roll to the back of your head. Your stomach was already feeling tight, and if this was enough to tip you over the edge, god knows how it would be when he finally was inside of you.
“You want to have my cock huh?”
“Please,” you moaned, “please fuck me.”
“Beg for it.”
You gasped, legs becoming weak.
“Please,” you whined immediately, “I need more. I want your cock in me. Your fingers feel so good, but not enough.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes baby please,” you blurted, feeling his free hand wrap around your torso, fingers pushing up against your chest, “I’ve never wanted a cock in me so badly.”
He squeezed your left breast at your words of desperation, unable to contain himself. The fingers in your folds were removed with no hesitation, a loss of contact making you whimper. He put it to other use instead, gripping the base of his cock as he finally plunged himself into you.
“Oh fuck,” he groaned, almost gorlwing the further he buried hismelf in side of you. The stretch was immaculate, feeling like a whole new experience. All other moments of intimacy with Chan had been long forgotten. This felt like the first time you had ever had sex with him. Nothing had ever felt so good. He waited momentarily, needing a sign that you were not in any kind of pain or discomfort.
“Come on,” you mumbled, writhing against him, “your cock feels too good for it to stay still.”
“Well fuck someone’s demanding,” he scoffed, slowly dragging himself all the way out of your pussy. Your body could feel the impact, or lack thereof as soon as he fully withdrew from you. He noticed, quickly stuffing you with his cock as he began to set a rhythm. It was moderate, nothing crazy, but it was good. Chan was taking his sweet time with you, hitting all the right spots, pussy already clenching around him the longer he continued. The longer he dragged this out, the more you lust haze clouded your brain; nothing had truly ever felt so good.
“Oh my fucking god,” you hissed, head rolling all the way back, “Chan please.”
“Tell me baby,” he grtuned, picking up his pace, “what do you want?”
“Fuck me,” you hissed, words coming out after eahc thrust, “fuck. Me. fuck. Me please.”
Those were the only three words you could say. Nothing else came to mind. The thickness of his cock, the speed of it, just every single factor that fills you up with such a gratifying feeling had taken over. There wasn’t much more to say, the only thing that could be heard was Chan’s small grunts in your ear. His pants were so deep, so much effort and consideration was taken in the way he snapped his hips. He was such a professional at this, you don’t know why it had taken so long for this side of him to come out.
“Such a good girl,” he hissed, hand that was on your chest ascending up your chest, “taking my cock like such a good girl.”
“Am I?’
“Of course baby,” he cooed, pushing your hair off of your face, “look at you, barely able oy say anything. Clenching around me like you’re already gonna cum.”
A moan was all you could respond with, strings of curse words following. Everything that you had ever been taught to associate with being feral were the only thoughts that came to your mind. Any and all civility was nowhere to be found. Chan’s pace was picking up even further, hand pushing your left leg in the air as far as it could go. He lifted his hips off of your bed, turning his body slightly as he rolled you over, leaving you on your back as he began to pound you once more. The new angle was mouth watering, so much so that your hands were intertwined with your sheets, face scrunched completed inward as you looked up as Chan, beads of sweat cascading down the sides of his forehead as he grabbed your hips, focusing solely on how his cock looked filling up your pussy. His own mouth almost watered at the sight. So wet, so creamy, so messy this was, all caused by him. The messier the better. Your pussy molded to his, like you were made for him to fill you up solely; nothing else. He brought a hand to your stomach, pressing down somewhat hard as he felt himself inside of you.
“Oh my god,” you gasped, mouth open wide as you felt your legs begin to tremble, “oh my fuck, Chan, Chan I-”
“Are you close?”
“Mhm,” you mumbled, looking down at how brittle your legs had become, “please don’t stop.”
“Aw could I,” he growled, making sure the sound of skin slapping against his cock was loud, “want to make you cream around this cock.”
“You’re so hot baby,” you whined, “keep talking to me like that.”
“Oh you like that? You like hearing how weak I can make you huh?”
“Yes.”
“You like how well you can take my cock like this baby?”
“Yes!”
“Oh fuck,” he groaned, “I’m getting way too carried away with this.”
“No no please,” you whined, “I’m gonna cum please don’t stop.”
“Okay baby, my precious y/n, cum for me.”
Your jaw dropped once more, the overwhelming feeling of your orgasm bursting at the seams as your boyfriend coaxed it out of you. His voice was quiet, not wanting to take anything away from the euphoric feeling hitting your body all at once.
“That’s it baby,” he cooed, slowly down to leave him barely moving, “cum around my cock, just like that.”
The clenching around him was insatiable. There was no way of controlling it. Your pussy was colvusing at a rapid rate, a long moan drawn from Chan’s lips as he quickly pulled out, spilling over your stomach. He collapsed to the side of you, still adamant on watching you release. His hips pulsed a couple of times, nonetheless, leaning on his elbow as he watched you, your body, genuinely making sure you were okay.
“You okay baby?”
You turned to look at him, a placid smile on your face as you learnt over and pecked his lips. The Chan you were familiar with abruptly returning in front of you. He laid back down, the two of you starting at the ceiling as your chest heaved with such vigor. To say the two of you were out of breath was an understatement. You were unsure what to say. Thank you? What just happened? Where have you been hiding this very seductive and charming part of you?
“Was that good?”
His question caught you off guard, taking you out of thoughts as you turned to him, chin laying on his chest as he looked down at you, worryingly waiting for your answer.
“Ye-”
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me I-”
“Shh,” you rpeld, placing your finger to his lips, “I liked it, really liked it. I don’t know where this side of you came from, but I’m sad you only showed me now.”
He covered his hands with his face, quite embarrassed and knowing the red tint he always got at the slightest of compliments. He exposed one eye only, excited to see you had climbed on top of him. Your pussy was still sensitive from the previous orgasm, nonetheless, as soon as you accidentally brushed your clit against his still very hard cock, you knew that things weren’t over.
“Fuck don’t that do that,” he hissed, “or I’m gonna have to fuck you again, harder.
↳ One bad fight leads to you breaking up. What happens when you can't stay away from the one person you truly love.
𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 4.2k
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: drinking, breaking up, angst, lots of crying and emotions, Chan is quite jealous in this. mention of a parent passing away before the story. Smut warning below the cut.
𝐚𝐧: I think this is going to be the beginning of a Taylor Swift series inspired by Lover songs. If you would like to be tagged in all stories for this series or a specific boys please fill out this form. I reworked for from an older story I wrote.
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: unprotected sex, creapie, kind of rougher sex, lots of break up sex.
Breaking up is never easy and you’re both aware of that. The problem with breaking up with someone you’re still madly in love with that you can’t seem to stay away from. Bang Chan the man who owns your heart and soul even though you know you believe you’re not meant to be together.
Five long years spent together. You saw each other through your highest highs. You celebrate job promotions and successes you’ve achieved together.Then there were the low moments. He held your hand through losing a parent, and held you through the countless nights you cried yourself to sleep. Laying in bed the day after finding out you lost your mother he held you close kissing away your tears, whispering over and over he loved you and would be there to hold you forever. You thought then at that moment that you would be with Chan for the rest of your life. To this day you still want to believe you stay together.
No matter how perfect it may have seemed, you fought. The fights started out as little arguments here and there but that changed. You started to fight too much, and it was draining. Chan was known for being stubborn, and the longer you were with him the more you fought for what you wanted. You didn’t lay down and just listened to him, but you were stubborn as well. What used to be little arguments here and there turned into screaming matches that ended with tears, and Chan storming out of your shared home. Many nights you would make up and promise to never fight again, but some fights were bigger than others.
The last blow that ended your relationship four months ago was an ugly fight. Chan’s jealousy reared its ugly head, worse than it ever had before. He never was a fan of your friendship with Hyunjin. Hyunjin and you became friends in college and he was even a part of your friend group you shared with your fiancé. It took Chan awhile to warm up with Hyunjin once you started dating, but even once he warmed up to him you knew he never fully trusted him even though you never once had feelings for Hyunjin.
Chan and you got into a screaming match outside the bar where you were out celebrating Jisung’s birthday. According to your boyfriend Hyunjin shouldn’t have felt comfortable enough to rest his hand on your lower back as you were talking. You knew that the alcohol you had both been drinking wasn’t helping the situation at all. Emotions were high as your screaming match unfolded outside the club on a chilly fall night. With tears streaming down your face you called off your relationship and handed him back your engagement ring. You’ve never in your five years together had you seen Chan’s face change so quickly. The look of anger and jealousy, changed within a second to guilt. His dark eyes were brimming with tears as he stared at you completely shocked. Turning on your heels you quickly started to walk away. You pushed your way back into the bar with the attempts to get your purse so you could go back home. You couldn’t stand the thought of being stuck in this bar any longer. You just wanted to go home and cry yourself to sleep.
Grabbing your purse with tears streaming down your cheek, you said your goodbyes while brushing off everyone’s concerns. Stepping back outside before you could grab a cab, Chan grabbed your hand. He looked like a complete mess with his own cheeks stained with salty tears. “Don’t walk away,” he pleads. He sounds as if he’s barely holding himself together.
“We’re done, I can’t do this anymore,” you cry, pulling your hand away.
“No we can’t be. I love you too much for this to be over.”
“I love you, but I can’t do this.” Shaking your head you step away from him. How much you wanted to take him back you needed space desperately.
That night changed everything. You went back to your apartment you shared with Chan and he didn’t return home. He never actually fully returned home, he moved into Changbin’s guest room and packed up some of his stuff while you were at work two days later. From that terrible night on you felt like you had a Chan shaped hole in your heart.
There was a piece of you that believed that you weren’t actually done. That he was going to return to you and beg for you to fix things, but that didn’t happen. It was probably for the best that it didn’t. It took two weeks before you saw him again. He stopped by the apartment to grab some more clothes while you were home. He must have thought you wouldn’t be home since he came by in the middle of a Monday afternoon. He probably didn’t know that you had the day off from school to go to a doctor's appointment.
He searched through his side of the closet as you sat awkwardly on your bed. Your eyes were trained on him. You watched him as if he would disappear for forever if you looked away.
Packing away his last shirt he stood in front of you staring into your soft eyes. There is a long moment you just take in each other’s presence. You want to beg him to stay but you know you shouldn’t.
“I still love you,” he says. You never thought you would actually get to hear him say those words again.
“I love you too.”
Those four simple words from each of you led to you both naked with him hovering over you as his lips are attached to your. Kissing you like he needs you to breathe. In the moment you feel like you need him to breathe. With each touch of his lips against yours it feels like a rush of oxygen to your lungs.
He slowly slides into you, earning a gasp. Your hand is tangled in his dark curls holding him close to you. Your lips barely part. Sweet whispers of his name pass your lips between kisses. His hips move at a quick pace. Things between you feel different. You aren’t sure if that’s a good or bad thing. In the five years you’ve been together you’ve had all types of sex, but this is different. Things are rougher and more lust filled. Chan movements are those of a man starving for touch.
Each of his movements feels like he’s trying to prove a point.
He pulls away from you and sits back on his knees as he thrust his hips into you at a firm and quick pace. His hands grip your hips bound to leave bruises in their wake. One of your hands grips your pale blue cotton sheets below you while the other reaches for him. You want to hold on to him and never let go. A warm wave rushes over you closing your eyes, your head tilts back moaning a mixture of his name and curse words. His movements don’t stop until he finds his own release moaning your name.
In the aftermath of naked bodies colliding you lay there on your back trying to come down from your high. Looking over you can feel his eyes burning into you. There is a screaming silence suddenly taking over the room. There is so much left unsaid between you. The room feels like it’s rapidly losing oxygen and you suddenly feel like crying.
“We’re not back together are we?” he rasps. There is a squeezing feeling taking over your chest. This “break up sex” did nothing but hurt both of you even more than you thought was possible.
“No we’re not,” you sigh knowing that sex just doesn’t magically fix things. There are a lot of problems you had at the end of your relationship, but your sexual chemistry and connection wasn’t one of them.
“Okay.” He’s clearly hurt and he has every right to be.
Without saying another word he gets up and leaves. Even after your passion filled romp in a bed you used to share, you aren’t getting back together. You want him back but it’s for the best that you don’t get back together. The only problem is neither of you can seem to stay away from each other.
What should have been a one time thing, doesn’t stay that way. Soon Chan finds his way back to your home you used to share often. The sex continues to feel different and after finishing he leaves each time. You wonder if keeping things at just sex will fill the void in your heart caused by your break up, but so far it hasn’t.
-
Sitting in the teacher lounge at the large table you listen to your friend and fellow teacher talk about her latest date. You’re hardly paying attention, you’ve been staring at the most recent text you had received from Chan’s mom telling you Chan hasn’t been in contact with her. Since your break up he’s seemed to distance himself from everyone other than Changbin who he’s been living with since you broke up.
Minho nudges you, catching your attention. Looking up at him he gives you that same sad smile he gives you quite often now. Minho is your best friend and coworker, he’s the only one you have truly confined in since your break up. You’ve been friends since your final year of college and he’s seen you in your happiest moments with your ex and the times you would call him crying after a fight. He’s one of the few people that know that you and Chan are broken up, but still sleeping together. Your friend group knows about your break up, but they all think that you and Chan aren’t even talking at all.
You wished no one really knew about your breakup, but it’s been a little hard to hide. Since that night in the club you can’t help but be sad and when you showed up at work not wearing your engagement ring, immediately all your fellow teachers knew that you and your fiancé had broken up.
“Why are you staring at your phone? Did he text you?” Minho would never say Chan’s name out loud at work. He didn’t want your coworkers gossiping about you and your ex. He knew you wanted to keep your relationship or whatever was going on with Chan private.
“His mom did. She hasn’t heard from him in a while, and she also asked me to take him back,” heavy sigh passes your lips. Chan’s mom took your breakup hard. She was like a mom to you and she to this day loves and adores you. This isn’t the first time she’s asked you to fix things with Chan, and it’s probably not the last. She’s always told you how much she loves you and how she believes you’re the perfect person for her son. After losing your own mother you truly bonded even more with Chan’s mom. She’s a wonderful woman who you knew really loved you.
You texted Chan, “hey can we possibly talk today?”
It takes him about ten minutes to respond, “yeah. Did you want me to come over?”
You know this isn’t a good idea. Literally anytime you ex fiancé ones over to your apartment you used to share it always leads to you having sex. Even though you know you should talk about your feelings and what is going on you know this always ends the same way.
“Yeah that would be good.” You text back.
The rest of lunch went by in a blur. Your final two periods of the day you spent thinking about Chan. Since breaking up he seems to be on your mind more than he was when you were together. Maybe that's what happens when you break up with the person you thought was the one.
After work you cook yourself something small for dinner while waiting for Chan to come over. He said he would come over after he finished a track he was working on. Since the breakup he seems like he’s in the studio even more than before. Maybe that was his way of coping with your break up.
There’s a knock on the door. You know it must be him. He still has his key to your home you used to share, but since your first time you slept together after your break up he always knocks on the door. It’s been months and it’s still weird to you that he has to knock to enter the apartment you once shared together. Opening the door you find Chan standing on the other side. He’s dressed in a hoodie and a pair of jeans.
“I didn’t think you would actually come over,” you step aside so he can come in. That’s a lie you knew he would come over.
“You asked me nicely, and we both know I can’t exactly say no to you.” He’s always said since when you first started dating many years ago it’s hard for him to say no to you. He always told you that’s how he knew you were the one.
He follows you off toward the living room. You plop down on the navy blue couch that you both picked out during an extremely long trip to ikea with you trying to find the perfect couch for your living room. There have been countless times you’ve made love on this couch or fallen asleep together watching a movie. He sits down on the couch next to you.
Sitting there silently you stare at his hands as he mess rubs his thumb along his knuckles. A nervous habit he’s had as long as you’ve known him.
“So why did you ask for me to come over?” he asks, breaking the silence that’s formed between you. You know you guys really don’t make small talk anymore.
“Your mom is worried about you. She texted me asking me what’s going on,” you love his mother dearly, but you aren’t sure how much longer you can stay in contact with her at this point. All your conversations with her lead to her asking for you to work things out.
He groans and tilts his head back. You know him too well to know that he has something he wants to say, but this is his way of trying to push away whatever it is. “She’s hard to deal with these days,” he sighs. You don’t say anything, you just stare at him. “She only ever talks about you.”
You look away shaking your head. You wished it was easier that you could just say screw it and take back Chan, but you don’t know if all this would be worth getting your heart broken again.
“I’m sorry,” you sigh.
He reaches over resting his hand on your thigh. Your eyes lock on his cold ones. He doesn’t seem to have the same warmth behind his eyes he did when you were together. You swallow pushing away the thought eating away at your mind. You missed when you were together and you tried to tell yourself that this breakup was for the best.
“Just stop,” he sighs.
“Chan,” you sigh. This should be easier, but it’s not.
“I miss you,” he says with his eyes still locked on yours.
“I miss you too,” you sigh. You miss everything about the man sitting next to you, the only thing you don’t miss is the fighting. You miss all the happy moments you shared together but you don’t miss your fights.
Pushing away all the thoughts that told you this was a bad idea you leaned forward crashing your lips into his. You’ve fallen into the same routine you always do with him. You tell yourself over and over it’s best to stay away but somehow you end up craving his touch. Your lips move together and pull you onto his lap. With your knees resting on each side of his strong thighs. His lips move down your neck leaving a trail of wet kisses in his wake. His lips know all the right places to touch have you moaning.
Your hips roll against his jean clad crotch. You feel his erection straining against his jeans with each movement. It doesn’t take long before he’s pushed his pants down to his thighs just enough to free himself and your panties are pushed to the side as he slides into you causing you to gasp.
Your forehead is pressed to his as you ride his length slowly. Your lips are parted as you silently moan with each movement. One of his hands grips your ass while the other is resting on the side of your neck. His thumb keeps brushing against the sensitive skin on your neck. He knows all the right places to touch you. He applies a little bit of pressure to your neck earning a moan from you. You aren’t sure if another man will ever understand your body like Chan does. His hand on his throat is intoxicating you.
Tilting your head back you moan his name. Your fingers grip his shirt holding on for dear life as he pushes you closer to the edge. You ride his length showing him how desperate you are for him. His hand leaves your throat and your eyes open staring at his dark ones for a long moment. Leaning forward his presses his lips to the middle of your throat where his hand was not long ago. He presses a few open mouth kisses there before he kisses his way across the delicate skin across your neck.
“You feel so good,” he mumbles with his lips on your collarbone.
The feeling of Chan thrusting in and out of you is enough to drive you wild. From the moment you first had sex Chan made a point to understand everything about your body, and everything that made you tick. It took very little effort for him to learn all the ways to make you scream and fall apart because of him.
As the wave crashes over you and a warmth spreads across your body. You lean forward resting your forehead against his shoulder. Both his hands grip your hips moving you up and down his length. His pace has grown sloppy as he’s getting closer and closer to the edge. He pushes you down on his length leaving you resting on his thighs as he paints your walls white. Your head remains on his chest as he slowly drags his hand up and down your back.
“I love you,” he says barely loud enough for you to hear. You want to tell him you love him too, but you hold back.
Pulling away from him you look at him for a long moment before leaning forward and pressing your lips to his for a soft kiss.
You know deep down inside you can’t keep this up. This whole situation is emotionally draining for both of you, and sooner than later you need to figure out if you should fully part ways or get back together.
-
Two weeks have passed and you haven’t spoken to Chan once. You can’t push away the empty feeling in your chest as you lay in bed staring at the spot in your bed that used to belong to Chan.
His soft words of “I love you,” still play in your mind. You wish you could have said those three words back to him, but you knew you couldn’t.
You thought when things ended between you it was for the better, but you can’t seem to push away the tugging feeling of an invisible string pulling you towards him.
In these long two weeks you’ve thought about your relationship with Chan nonstop. His voice always seems to echo in the back of your mind.
Grabbing your phone you opened your messages and clicked on his name. His last text to you from two days ago reads, “I miss you.”
You couldn’t bring yourself to respond then. You type out, “Chan, can we please talk?”
He might not text you back, and in all honesty you wouldn’t blame him. You’ve practically ghosted him the last two weeks as you attempted to sort out your feelings. You thought a lot about your relationship with him, and what your future looks like with and without him.
Your phone lights up quickly with a message from Chan, “I can come over soon.”
Forcing yourself out of bed you get dressed and go into the kitchen and make two cups of coffee. A knock on the front door lets you know that Chan is here.
Opening the door he’s dressed in a pair of sweatpants, a hoodie, with a baseball hat.
He walks inside and follows you to the kitchen. You slide him a cup of coffee and watch as he takes a drink. He sits his cup down on the counter and takes his hat off, pushing his fingers through his dark curls. He looks tired like he hasn’t slept much, but he looks just as handsome as ever. From what Changbin has told you since you broke, according to him Chan’s sleep schedule is worse than ever.
“I’m sorry I pushed you away,” you say, breaking the silence between you.
“YN?” He pauses.
“Yeah Chan?”
“Do you want an actual future with me?” His words are straight to the point. It’s clear he’s tired of playing games. You can’t blame him at all. This game is mentally exhausting.
“Honestly yes.”
“How do we fix us?” He sighs, reaching forward and taking your hand in his. His thumb slowly drags over your knuckles just like he used to do when he was trying to comfort you.
“You can’t be jealous like you were,” your eyes are focused on him. “I need to stop being so stubborn with you. We need to work on communicating more.”
“I’ll try to push my jealousy away,” he says.
“We can’t just jump back into how things were,” you know you can’t go back to being engaged again suddenly. “We need to rebuild before we can think about getting married.”
“Okay, should we try dating again?” he asks.
“Like starting all the way back at stage one?” you can’t help but smile thinking back to your first few dates with him five years ago.
“I would prefer we aren’t all the way back at stage one, because I still want to marry you,” he rests his hand on your cheek.
“I still want to marry you, but we need to rebuild before we think about planning a wedding,” you’re trying to think logically. You just spent months broken up. Suddenly things aren’t fixed and perfect. Even though your heart desperately wants to marry him tomorrow you need to think logically and work on communicating more.
“Okay.” he says softly with his hand still resting on your cheek.
“Okay.”
“I just need you in my life. There is something that keeps me drawn to you. I haven’t ever loved anyone like I love you,” he leans forward pressing his lips to yours for a soft kiss.
“I love you too,” you sigh, pulling your lips away from his.
“Okay, can I move back in?” he asks, sounding so unsure.
A smile tugs on yours as you step closer to him. He pulls you into his chest before you can even say anything.
“Yeah. We need to rebuild, but I miss you being here. I hate waking up alone.”
It’s not long before you’re both in your shared bed, and completely naked. Chan rests between your spread legs slowly rolling his hips into yours as your fingers are locked in his dark hair holding him close to you. His lips hover overs yours as you moan his name like a prayer. One of your legs is resting on his lower back right above his butt. You want him as close to you as possible. You don’t want to ever experience losing him again. Your hand claws at his back trying to touch every part of him you can.
“I love you,” you say.
His hips still for a moment and he looks down at you smiling. Leaning forward he presses his lip to the tip of your nose gently. “I love you so much.”
His hips move into yours at a slow but steady pace. You missed the feeling of having every part of him, his mind, body and soul.
You find your release moaning his name and whisper over and over again that you love him.
Things aren’t perfect between you, but you both desperately love each other and know your own faults and want to fix them. Both only see a future together and you both know that love is never easy and sometimes you have to fight to make it work.
Regarding taglist:
If you aren’t interacting with my writing outside of liking the new post I’m gonna have to remove your name from the taglist. You will also be removed if I try to tag you and your blog is listed as "invisible". If you've changed your URL and didn't let me know I will also be removing your name. I’m sorry for the inconvenience but my interactions outside or likes feels like it’s nonexistent right now. All of my taglist are still open though. If you request to be added to one via this form, I kindly ask for interactions in the form and feedback and reblogs. To be quite honest, those really encourage my writing.
Synopsis: Let's play two truths and a lie, and here goes the first thing about Minho: He is good in the kitchen. (10,3k words)
Author's note: I just thought that we need to play another round. Hope you had fun reading this x
Content warning: Infidelity.
Let's play another round of two truths and a lie where Minho shares three things about him and you have to guess which one is the lie.
Here goes the first thing about Minho: He is good in the kitchen.
That's the first thing Kim told you about Minho, he is good in the kitchen and that explains why you often find him in there, cooking meals or something his girlfriend, Kim, asked him to make, sometimes it's something as simple as fried rice to something as complex as beef wellington, he can do it all. In conclusion, his cooking skill is unquestionable.
Just like this morning, the first thing you see as you come out of your bedroom is Minho making something in the kitchen. Before he notices, you slowly tiptoe your way back to your bedroom and reach for the doorknob to—
"Morning!" Kim cheerily says as she comes out of her bedroom.
You instantly turn around on your feet and pretend that you've just come out of your bedroom. From her attire, you can tell that she's going for her morning run.
"Morning, Kim!" You say back with a smile, "Going for a run?"
"Yep. Minho is making pancakes," she answers as she ties her hair into a ponytail, "Have to burn some calories so I can eat more calories."
As a dancer, Kim diligently watches her weight but instead of getting on a rigorous diet, she prefers working out even though her job, dancing, is also working out, and she only spoils herself with a sweet treat on the weekend. She's heading to the kitchen to give Minho a quick peck on the lips and then puts her headphones on.
"I'll see you guys in a bit," she says before walking out the door.
Leaving you and Minho alone in the apartment is not a good idea but how can she know when you've been doing things behind her back?
Since he's already seen you, you may as well start your day, by going to the kitchen and getting yourself a cup of coffee, you just need to get the milk from the fridge, then you'll be out of Minho's way.
As you keep the fridge door open to put the milk back inside, Minho appears behind you and reaches for a carton of eggs from the fridge, his forearm brushes your waist as he retracts his hand.
You quickly step away and take the other end of the kitchen counter, stirring your coffee with a spoon while looking at the weather outside, at the sunlit clouds drifting across a clear blue sky.
"Can you hand me the sugar?" Minho points at the bowl of sugar in your reach.
"Sure," you say, picking it up and placing it on the kitchen counter next to him.
You're going to the other side of the kitchen counter and take a small sip of your coffee, you can sense the caffeine works to bring your brain to function. At the same time, your sense heightens that you know Minho is coming behind you to put the jar of sugar back into its place.
However, when he retracts his arm, his hand stays on your waist and it stays there, making you wonder what he's trying to do next so you turn your head to the side.
In the blink of an eye, Minho quickly captures your lips in a kiss and wraps his arms tightly around you. Your body is quick to respond to it but your brain is working at a sluggish pace.
By the time your brain catches up to it and tells you to stop, Minho already has his hand under your camisole and fondles at your breast.
"Minho..." you whine against his lips.
He breaks the kiss and stares into your eyes, "What?"
It's at the tip of your tongue and your mouth is open but no words coming out of it. Deep down, you know you want it and you don't want it to stop.
Instead of saying what you want out loud, you curve your arm around his neck and pull his head close for a kiss, picking it up and taking it up a notch.
With his free hand, Minho pushes your camisole upward, sending it hunched around your chest and exposing your breasts to the cool morning air.
He wastes no time to freely cup your breast in his hand and he likes how it fits him right, making him think that they were made just for him.
There's not much room for you to move with his arms firmly wrapped around you but when his hand glides down to cup your clothed sex, you start to push back against him and feel his bulge growing behind you.
Your common sense comes in ebbs and flows, and when it finally hits you, you suddenly pull his hand out of your shorts and break away from his hold.
"Kim will be back soon," you remind him with your voice tinted with concern.
Minho puts his hands on each side of your waist and makes you lean against the kitchen counter, "She won't be back for a while," he calmly says.
He then buries his mouth in the crook of your neck, peeling back the layers of worry off of you with every kiss he planted there.
All of a sudden, you find the guts to put your hands on his chest and push him a little too hard it sends him staggering a couple of steps to the back.
No matter how far you push him away, your body wants to be as close as possible to him. You find yourself walking back to him and taking your turn to corner him against the kitchen counter.
He's wearing this plain white t-shirt but gosh, it looks good on him and you like it even more when you can trace the muscles on his body through the fabric.
"But we don't know for sure," you say, leaning in for a kiss which he eagerly returns and makes him ask for more.
However, it's the grey sweatpants he's wearing that make you lose your mind a little. It's unclear whether it's the fabric or the color or the style of the pants that somehow accentuate the shape of his cock, or the way he walks around in the apartment in it and unaware of what it does to you.
You quietly pull his sweatpants low enough to let his member free out of its confine and without looking, your hand knows what it's looking for and immediately wrap your hand around it, slowly stroking it.
"For all we know, she may be back in a few minutes," you say against his lips.
Minho is engrossed in how you're slowly stroking his cock as you speak, it takes him a while to respond to your question.
"She won't," he assures you, pulling you close by the waist and putting his hand between your legs, rubbing your clit through your shorts.
"She's been gone for fifteen minutes now," you say before he has your lips locked with his again.
"Then we just have to make it quick," he simply resolves, lifting you by the waist, and swiftly, he turns around on his feet to sit you on the counter.
As a dancer, he is trained to lift his partner and he does it seamlessly as if he's lifting a piece of paper. Well, he has the muscles to prove his years-long dance training.
"Minho, we can't," you say as he leans in to kiss your neck.
Instead of stopping him from coming at your breasts, you hold them up for him so he can take them into his mouth.
He sucks on the flesh hard that you wince in pain and he lets go with a satisfied grin, "we definitely can," he coyly disagrees.
"What I'm saying is—" you pause as he parts your legs open, sending you leaning to the back and you quickly prop a hand to support you.
Minho tugs his hands at the elastic band of your pajama shorts and thinking of taking it off of you, you scramble to stop him.
"Just put it to the side," you tell him.
He obeys your words, putting the shorts along with your underwear to the side. He delightfully sighs at the sight of your heating core and he uses his fingers to feel how wet you are for him.
"I can't stop when you're this wet for me," he mutters as he swipes your lips with his fingers coated with your essence, then shoves it into his mouth next.
Feeling challenged to do the same, you lick your lips and get a taste of you on your tongue, you taste so sinfully sweet as the kiss he's about to plant on you.
While his lips keep you busy with kisses, Minho aligns his cock with your entrance, he rubs his tip between your folds then with a slow push, he starts to enter you.
The kiss breaks as the two of you shift your focus on how his cock pushing its way inside you. You spread your legs as wide as possible and watch as his cock is slowly disappearing into you.
Minho curves his hands around you and then glides them down until his hands meet the curve of your ass, he pulls you close, seeking closeness as he's about to fully bottomed out inside you.
"And I can't stop when you feel this good," he says as he crashes his lips against yours again.
The room soon filled with your low moans combined with the sounds of his hips against the back of your thighs. His nails dig into the flesh as he steadily keeps your legs open for him.
Even with your brain clouded with pleasure, a slight of fear comes creeping up in you and makes you keep looking to the side, in the direction of the foyer, and the fact that Kim can come in any minute now.
"Minho," you breathlessly call in between your moans.
You continue talking when you have his attention by putting your hand on his neck, "We can't keep doing this to Kim."
"I know," he says with a small nod, "it's unfair to her."
And it's unfair how he tries to take your mind away from things by suddenly adding intensity to his thrusts and going as shallow as possible inside you.
"Uh-huh, it's unfair," you repeat your words, suddenly losing all the words in your head.
Minho pulls you even closer until you're sitting on the edge of the counter while keeping the pace steady, he lets go of your legs and wraps his arms around you instead. He looks down at his cock slipping in and out of you then when his eyes find you, he intensely stares into your eyes as if he dares you to try to stop him again.
The truth is you're just a human who tends to make the same mistakes and above all that, you're just a girl who wants what she wants and in this moment, you want nothing else but him.
The grip on his shoulder tightens as you come to your climax, your moans turn into breathless whines and you bury your head in his neck.
Yet Minho keeps going and chasing for his high as your walls pulsate and flutter around him, all of those stimulations combined with the fear that Kim may walk in on you and him doing it in the kitchen only arouses him more.
"Don't cum inside," you whisper into his ear.
Now that you said it, it only makes him want to do it and he plans on ignoring those words.
You crumple the front of his t-shirt in your hand and force him to look you in the eyes, "Minho, you can't cum inside," you warn again.
Hearing the urgency in your voice, Minho refrains from doing it and wisely follows your words.
"Where do you want it then?" He asks, suddenly getting curious about your answer.
"My mouth," you shortly answer because it's the only way to make sure to leave no trace of this abomination. No trace means you can pretend that this never happened.
Minho stops moving for a second, unsure if he heard you right. You put your hand on his neck and say again, "You can cum in my mouth."
What you said seems to trigger something inside of him that he continues thrusting into you harder and faster, not caring that you've just cum around him a while ago which only make you even more sensitive than before.
You let him have it because this is the only way you know that'll bring him closer to his release. Also, you don't know how long this has been going on but you know that you don't have much left before Kim comes back.
All of a sudden, Minho puts his arms around your waist and steadily hoists you against him. You immediately wrap your legs around him and your arms around his shoulders.
"Oh..." a raw groan escapes his mouth as he lets go just a little and feels his cock deepens inside you as you cling to him.
The two of you stay still like that for a moment, encased in endless pleasure and palpable desire for each other that it feels like the slightest movement would break the spell.
Sadly, time isn't on your side.
You slowly let go of your hold around him, forcing Minho to put you down gently until your feet touch the floor and eventually, he has to pull out of you, making you feel the sudden emptiness.
You kneel on the floor as he incessantly pumps his cock to keep the stimulation going. You can see his cock, all red and veiny inches away from your eyes as you offer your mouth for him to dump his load.
Seeing him from this point of view surely feels new to you but not less arousing, you can see his forehead wrinkled with how much he focuses on chasing his release.
The most arousing part is the way he's looking down on you, seeing how much you want his cum in your mouth and he's the only one who can give it to you.
"Wider," he murmurs through his gritted teeth.
Also added is the fact that he is someone's boyfriend, oh, everything about it is arousing you so much that your hand flies to your cunt, touching yourself as you obey his word. While maintaining eye contact with him, you open your mouth wider and stick your tongue out a little, waiting for him to shoot his load on you like a bitch in heat.
The second his cum spurts out of his tip and lands on you, you gasp at how hot it feels on your skin. You close your eyes and keep your mouth open as more of his cum gets on your tongue, your lips, and all over your mouth.
Using the tip of his sock, Minho smears his pearly white cum all over your lips, tempting you to put it into your mouth and of course, you cave into the temptation. You give his tip a few kitten licks before taking his length little by little, you compensate for the rest you can't take with your hand.
"Oh..." he delightfully sighs with his head thrown back.
To see him fully indulging in it and hearing him moaning on pleasure encourages you to keep going, sucking him hard and syncing it with the pumping of your hand around the base of his cock.
"Oh, yes, keep going," he mutters to you with his voice soft and sultry.
He puts his hand in your hair and tugs at it, using it to angle your head slightly to the back to provide him more depth as he gently pushes a little more of his cock into your mouth.
"Fu..." his profanity trails off and turns into a breathless moan as he slowly begins thrusting his cock in and out of you.
You're aware that he's using your mouth for his pleasure and you don't mind any of it, if anything, it makes you want to touch yourself more. You allow yourself to do just that, rubbing on your clothed clit as Minho is fucking your mouth.
"Mmh..." you moan with your mouth full of his hot, swollen flesh.
"Oh, you and your fucking mouth," he mutters with a low breath, his eyes intently watching how you're taking every thrust of his cock into your mouth.
For a split second, you forget about Kim until you hear the sound of the front door opening and then closing. You're about to pull out but Minho's grip on the back of your head forces you to remain still.
Your heart starts pounding inside your chest as you hear her footsteps coming closer and she stops just on the other side of the counter where you remain hidden on this side with her boyfriend's cock deep in your throat.
"Oh, it's so hot today," Kim says, still panting from running. You hear her pouring water into a glass and then the sounds of her heartily gulping it.
Minho remains calm and puts his free hand on the counter, "Yeah, you sweat a lot, honey," he says.
There's a low thud of what you assume coming from Kim putting her glass down, "And where are my pancakes?"
"I want it to be hot when you're having it," he simply answers.
"Well then, I'm going to wash my face, and my hands and I'll be ready for pancakes," Kim says.
You can only imagine how she smiles brightly at him when she said it, oblivious to the fact that her roommate is sucking her boyfriend's cock as she speaks.
"They better be good," she adds as she walks away.
You start to relax when you hear her footsteps receding, then you hear the sound of the door being opened and then closed after.
Minho finally lets go of his dead grip on the back of your head and you immediately pull out, a little too fast that you choke on your saliva, sending you into a coughing fit.
You rise from the floor, fixing your clothes as you head to the sink to wipe the mess on your mouth with the running water.
It has just sunken into you of what you did with Minho, the guilt hits you like a ton of brick and it tastes bitter on your tongue no matter how much you rinse it with water.
"Are you okay, babe?" Kim asks you as she comes into the kitchen.
Her presence makes you choke on water this time, you grab a bunch of tissues from the box and wipe your mouth with it.
"I'm okay," you answer, "I'm just choked on something."
Without looking, you can feel Minho's sly smirk from across the kitchen counter. It's best if you exclude yourself from this to avoid any slips out.
"Where are you going?" Kim asks you, she drags a stool and pats it, "Come sit and eat pancakes with me!"
"No, I have something—"
"What do you possibly need to do on a Sunday morning?" She asks with a pout.
"Come on, take a seat!" She says, excitedly patting the seat and inviting you to sit next to her.
If you persist on leaving, she'll only get suspicious of you so you relent, sitting on the stool next to her while holding your cup of coffee.
On the other hand, Minho did his part too well. He acts like nothing happened and successfully makes pancakes for both you and Kim.
"You want cream with that, honey?" He asks Kim but his eyes wander your way for a second.
"No, thank you," Kim politely refuses, "but I'll have the syrups."
Minho wastes no time to get it for her from the kitchen cabinet and gives it to her. He then takes a tube of whipped cream and gives it a shake.
"Extra cream for you then," he says to you as he places creams on top of your pancakes and flashes you a faint smirk that only you can see.
Unable to respond to it with words, you stab the pancakes with your fork and have a bite at it, hate to admit it but it tastes good.
Well then this makes the first statement a truth: Minho is indeed good in the kitchen.
-
This is it, you say in your head as the bell in your head goes ding!
The apartment may be much smaller than Kim's but it has everything you need, a bedroom, an adequate space to be called a living room, and a fully functioning kitchen. The only downside is it's a farther commute to work but the affordable rent makes up for it and that's the most important thing.
"Are you going to take it?" Gaspard asks as he floats through the crowd like a divine being among mortals.
"I have to take it," you answer while trying to keep up with his long strides, "It's the best offer."
"I think so too," he says, putting his arm around you so you don't stray away from him.
"Yeah?"
He nods, "Cause then you'll be living only a few blocks away from me."
"Oh? You know what? I change my mind," you jokingly say, turning around to walk in the opposite direction.
"Hey!" He holds you back and steers you to the right way by the shoulders, "No turning back now!'
About a week ago, you made it very clear to Gaspard that you want to stay as good friends with him but it's easy to tell that he still believes this can be more than that. That leads you to act careful around him because you're scared that he's mistaken it for something else.
"Aren't you going to invite me upstairs?" He playfully asks as you both stand outside the apartment building.
"Better luck next time," You joke back with a gentle push on his chest.
"Not even for a can of beer?" He sweetly blinks his eyes at you in the hope that will be enough to persuade you.
"Just one!" You cave in because he's been helping you with the apartment hunting and you've been walking around since this afternoon until the day turns dark.
"Just one," he repeats your words in agreement.
"Promise?"
"Promise!"
The apartment is empty because Kim and Minho are out on a date which makes it a convenient time to enjoy a cold drink after a day's hard work.
"Where's Kim?" Gaspard asks as you join him on the sofa.
"I think they're going to the movies or something," you mindless answer, you couldn't care less about what they're doing on a date.
The two of you get quiet after taking a long gulp of beer and gasp at how refreshing it is like you didn't just have it with dinner earlier.
"I reckon you're going to break the news to Kim soon?" Gaspard asks as he leans back on the sofa with his head turned at you.
"Well... yeah," you meekly answer and it reminds you how of you're not ready for that part yet.
"How do you think she'll react?" He asks as he secretly puts his arm around your shoulders.
"I don't know," you sigh, then take a sip of your beer, "I just hope that she knows that the reason has nothing to do with her."
"What's the reason then?" Gaspard asks for the first time and seems to be genuinely curious about the answer.
It feels like you're trapped by your own words, you know the reason but you can't tell him or anyone for that matter.
"Because I want to live close to you," you decide to risk getting it mistaken for something else instead of letting him in on the answer.
With the hand around your shoulders, Gaspard easily pulls you close until you're sitting elbow to elbow and bumping knees with him on the sofa.
"Have I told you you looked beautiful today?" He seduces you as he's brushing your hair to the side.
"Not enough," you jokingly answer.
Gaspard leans in to whisper it to you right into your ear, "You're so beautiful," he mutters then kisses on the cheek.
"Thank you," you sweetly say with a smile.
Catching you off guard, he places one more kiss on the other cheek and pulls away with a big smile on his face. Well, you've done your part to spare him from the disappointment so it's not your fault that he puts himself back on the track for it.
"You promised it was going to be just one beer," you scold him along with a sassy eye roll.
"And I'm not finished with my beer yet," he cleverly answers.
The front door flies open and Kim comes into sight, finding you and Gaspard snuggling close together on the sofa. She smiles at you and puts down her bag on the dining table.
"What do we have here?" She asks with a sly smile.
"Nothing. We're just drinking beers," you calmly answer while quietly putting a safe space between you and Gaspard on the sofa.
"Yeah, I'm just here for one beer," Gaspard says, emphasizing the amount of beer with a sly grin flashed your way.
"And he'll leave soon," you add, returning the sly grin to him.
Taking this as a sign to give you privacy so you can break the news to Kim, Gaspard says, "And I'm leaving."
"No. Stay," Kim says as she sits on the sofa next to you.
"I can only bother you this much, Kim," he jokingly says and comes at you for a hug, "I'll see my way out."
"Thanks for today," you say as you hug him back.
You wait until Gaspard leaves to talk to Kim about what you did today and that you'll be moving out of the apartment soon. You finish your beer to fuel your courage and quietly exhale air to calm yourself down.
"Kim, I need to talk to you about something," you start.
Kim brushes her long dark hair and rests it on her shoulder like a waterfall, "Mmh? What is it?" She asks.
Now, that you have her attention and no one else is here except for the two of you, this is the right time to tell her. You open your mouth and plan to just give it to her all at once until Minho comes through the front door.
"Where do you want me to put it?" He asks Kim, showing the plastic bag he's carrying in his hand.
"Can you put them in the fridge for me, honey?" Kim answers.
"Sure," he shortly answers, going to the kitchen to do what Kim asked him to do.
"I ran out of my fiber drinks," she says, explaining what she made Minho bought for her.
"Ah, I see..." you meekly respond, losing every word you've been carefully arranging in your head so you abort the plan to tell her about the apartment situation.
"So, what do you want to talk about?" She asks with a soft smile on her face, making you feel even more disheartened to tell her.
"Oh, I..." you feel tempted to just let it all out but your eyes keep uneasily glancing at Minho and you don't want him there to hear it.
"I forgot what I'm trying to say to you. Sorry," you lie and add a foolish laugh to convince her.
Kim seems to buy it as she cracks a laugh and gently slaps your knee, "You silly!"
"I'll tell you once I remember it," you say to her.
Or more like, when Minho isn't around.
-
Two days have passed with Kim is still oblivious that you'll be moving out of the apartment soon.
You always missed each other's timing, when you had the time, Kim was in a hurry to go to the academy and when she was alone at home, you were working late that night. It's like a mysterious force trying to hold you back from telling her the truth.
When you came home from work tonight, you found Kim eating dinner alone in the kitchen. To make sure that Minho isn't around or coming unannounced like usual, you simply ask why she is by herself when her boyfriend always drives her home and usually stays to have dinner together.
"Minho's car broke down so I took a taxi home," Kim answers with a low sigh.
"Oh, that's upsetting," you keep your expression in check as you say it, not risking Kim catching you turn his misfortune into an opportunity.
"It's about time he sends his car to the shop anyway," Kim says.
It's unethical to interrupt her in the middle of her dinner so you carefully pick your timing and wait until she's done with her dinner to talk.
You grab a can of juice from the fridge and take a seat next to her, "Kim, can I talk to you about something?" you hesitantly say.
"Sure, babe," she says, putting down her glass of water then stacks her hands together on the dining table, "What is it?"
"A week ago, I found a suitable apartment not far from Gaspard's. It's not as big as this..." you gulp air to be able to continue talking, "It's in a nice neighborhood and the rent is affordable so I'm thinking of moving in there."
A moment passes in silence as Kim processes your words, her fingers wrapped around the bottom of her glass and tapping at it.
"You want to move out?" She asks as the glints in her eyes slightly dim.
"Yes," you hesitantly say.
"I reckon it's about time that I get my own place," you hurriedly add the number one reason why you want to move out so she doesn't think that it has anything to do with her.
"It's not because of me, right?" She meekly asks.
"No," you answer without a beat, "I love being your roommate but you know... I can't stay here forever. I eventually have to move out."
"Nonsense! You definitely can stay here forever," Kim remarks as she grabs your hand on your lap.
You put your hand on hers and softly smile at her, "I'd love to but..."
You can't keep living with her knowing you've been betraying her and the guilt is eating you alive from the inside as you speak? You continue in your head.
"It's either now or later, it's something that I have to do," you settle on a reasonable answer.
"That's true," Kim weakly says, looking a little taken aback by your announcement.
"I'm sorry if this is so sudden. I didn't mean to keep it this long, we were so busy these past few days that I only got the chance to tell you now," you explain with utmost sincerity.
Kim nods and puts on a smile for you, "it's okay. I understand."
Your heart is getting heavy the more you talk, you'd better end it before the guilt gets to you and you're giving it the chance to crawl out of you. You grab your purse, rummaging through the content for the envelope you've been putting aside and planning to give to Kim.
"This is for this month's rent," you hand the envelope straight into her hand.
She folds it in half and puts the envelope back into your hand, "Take it. You need it for moving and buying stuff for your new apartment.
"No, Kim. I can't. It's yours!" You forcefully put it back into her hand but she balls her hand into a fist.
"Consider this as an early housewarming gift," she insists, holding your hand down to make you stop giving the envelope back to her.
"Kim, no... I shouldn't—" You sigh in defeat, having no other way to make her accept your money.
"I'm going to miss you," Kim's voice cracks, and the next thing you know, she's hugging you so tightly that you can feel how much she meant her words.
"Oh, Kim, you can't get rid of me yet," you playfully say to lighten up the mood, "at least, for the next three weeks."
This is why you have to move out soon, Kim is too kind and all you do in return is use her kindness to fool her and stab her in the back, you've been treating her like a shit friend, and you feel sick have to keep doing that to her.
-
This is statement number two: Minho knows that he's the reason why.
There's this gut feeling that something is going to happen. This could be just a reaction to the change you'll face soon, new apartment, new neighborhood, there'll be no Kim, and the realization that you'll do everything on your own at that point.
It's scary and exciting, you feel a little bit of both at times. One thing that always lingers inside you is this slight fear that Minho possibly knows he's the reason why you decide to move out.
A week went by and you can safely assume that Kim must have told Minho about the apartment situation. You swear you're not expecting anything at all from Minho, but he's been strangely normal and taciturn which only confirms that something is actually off about him.
You should be taking this as an advantage because then you wouldn't have to interact with him and fewer interactions lead to you making fewer mistakes with him.
Work has been keeping you busy too that you haven't had the chance to pack your things. When you come home late tonight, Kim is already sleeping and you don't want to bother her by the sound of you shoving your things into boxes.
Well, you still have a week left anyway to sort your things out and you're tired from work, you hurriedly make your way to the bathroom for a quick shower.
In the midst of it, you hear the knocking on the door and your first thought is that Kim must be in urgency to use the bathroom.
"Kim?" You call but there's no answer
You turn off the shower and put on a bathrobe, you carefully walk as water drips down your body and hair to open the door.
"Is that you..." your words trail off as you see who's coming into the bathroom and it's not Kim.
There was no sign that Minho was in the apartment when you walked in because you could tell from the sight of his shoes in the foyer or his bag that sits in the living room so unless he has the ability to become invisible, it means that he came just now to the apartment.
Gosh! You tried so hard to avoid temptation and now it's coming to get you. You're clutching your bathrobe together and head to the door.
"You can use the bathroom," you say without looking at him.
He grabs you by the elbow to stop you from leaving, he pulls you hard enough that your body crashes against him, then wraps his arms around you.
"I heard you're moving out," he says.
You break away from his hold and put his hands away from you, "not your business," you say.
Minho is quick to catch your hands by the wrist then he folds them together behind your back, making you unable to move as he leans in to kiss you.
You turn your head to the side, not letting him kiss you but instead of doing that, he steers your body to the back until your back meets the bathroom sink.
"Is it because of me?" He asks.
You scoff and make a mocking smirk at him, "Not everything is about you, Minho," you say, daringly staring into his dark brown eyes.
Catching you off guard, Minho crashes his lips against you and you hate that you instinctively return his kiss. He pulls away for a bit then plants his lips on yours again, deeper and hungrier than before.
Getting a moment of clarity, you pull away from the kiss and keep your head turned away from him, "We can't keep doing this to Kim," you remark.
He leans in close until his face is only inches away from yours, "So you admit that it's because of me?"
There's no way of denying it anymore so you may as well just admit it, "You made me do this and I don't—"
He cuts you off with a kiss and you have to pull your head back hard enough to break it, "I hate myself for it and I hate you for making me keep doing this to Kim," you bravely tell him right to his face.
He leans in even closer so that you can see the dark orbs of his eyes, "Tell that to me once again," he dares you.
This is the time to break away from this cycle that shackles you with guilt, you should stop now before all this guilt weighs you down and drown you further.
"I hate you, Minho," you unequivocally tell him with unwavering eyes.
Minho intensely stares into your eyes to see if your words match what you're feeling inside. His eyes flick down to your lips, tempted to lean in for another but when his lips make contact with yours, he changes his mind.
He lets go of his hold on you all at once and then takes a step back, exiting the room and leaving you untethered for good.
-
It seems like what you've said to him has done it because Minho acts like you're not even there whenever you're in the same space with him and this morning, you find yourself in the kitchen with him just quietly minding your own business.
This is good, right? That means there'll be no more mistakes, no more betraying Kim and you can start being a good friend again. The best thing of all, you get to move out of the apartment on a good note.
"Hey, you're not working late tonight, right?" Kim asks as you're enjoying your morning coffee.
"I hope not," you say, putting down your half-eaten toast on the plate, "Cause I have lots to do tomorrow."
Kim nods and pours herself a glass of orange juice, "Since this will be your last night in an apartment, I'm hoping that we can have dinner together," she says with a smile.
She walks up to Minho and places her hand on the small of his back, "Minho will be cooking, of course, and I'll get a nice bottle of wine for—"
You quickly swallow your food to refuse the idea, "Oh, no, Kim, please, I don't feel good—"
She clicks her tongue at you and shakes her head, "No, you can't say no. I'll be waiting for you to come home whether you like it or not," she insists.
Maybe it's coming from the fact that she comes from a privileged family, Kim can be quite adamant about certain things, especially when she wants something, in one way or another, she has to get it.
The whole time at work, you're debating whether to make an excuse to avoid attending dinner or just gladly accept Kim's kind gesture and come to the dinner, the latter is what a good friend would do, right?
On the way home, you purposely missed the trains a couple of times before finally getting in. You're dreading it because Minho is cooking dinner and that means he'll be there for it, and this is worse than doing things behind Kim's back because you have to act innocent in front of her.
At the door of the apartment, you take a few deep breaths with your hand holding the doorknob. You console yourself with the thought that you'll only have to endure it for one more night and all this will disappear tomorrow.
"I'm home," you announce your arrival and try your best to sound cheerful as you make your way inside.
As expected, Kim is sitting at the dining table with Minho and it seems like they started without you as you see the glasses of wine.
"Oh, there you are!" Kim claps her hands together in delight.
"I'm sorry. The train was delayed for almost an hour," you make up an excuse for your tardiness while putting down your bag on the kitchen counter and head to the kitchen sink to wash your hands.
"I hope you don't mind that we almost finished the first bottle without you," Kim says.
"I don't mind at all," you say as you dry your hand with a napkin.
As you take a seat at the dining table, Minho gets up his seat and heads to the kitchen. You can't tell if that's intentional or not, but you remind yourself to not give an ounce of care to whatever he's doing.
"Minho only needs to reheat the sauce and dinner will be ready," Kim says as she fills your glass with red wine and the aphrodisiac smell wafting around in the room.
"Thank you," You smile in gratitude and take a small sip of it.
"So, how was work?"
"Dreadful," you shortly answer and reward yourself with another sip.
Kim cracks a laugh and something about it gives you the impression that she's rather a little intoxicated already.
"I'm sorry that I can't help you move out tomorrow," she says as she pours more wine into her glass which you deem is not a smart move.
"That's more than fine," you respond, "I heard from Gaspard you guys have started practicing for the winter show."
"Oh, yeah..." she softly says and then gets lost in her words for a second.
"We're doing The Nutcracker, again," she says with a dramatic pause.
"That sounds fun!" You nicely respond.
"You should come on the opening day, I'll send the ticket," she enthusiastically says and sips her wine.
"Only if you come to my little housewarming party," you meekly say even though you're not sure you know how to throw a party of any kind.
"That's a deal!" She says, clinking her glass of wine with you to seal the deal.
The mouthwatering smell has taken over the room as Minho serves the food on the table, he's cooking pasta and a big steak to share which he has sliced, showing off the perfect level of cooking doneness.
"This is delicious, honey," Kim praises after taking a bite of it, she then turns to look at you, "What do you think?"
"This is really good," you compliment because, despite everything, you can't deny that he's a good cook which also reminds you to thank him for it.
"Thank you for cooking dinner, Minho," you say even though his name feels dry and strange on your tongue.
He only nods and doesn't say anything but put more food on Kim's plate, and you can't lie that you feel a little dejected by his lack of reaction.
The dinner would be a big awkward moment if Kim wasn't leading ninety percent of the conversation on the table but as the night goes on and more wine dawned in, Kim starts to slur her words and mindlessly rambles about random things all at once. It gets to the point that she accidentally knocks things off, first it was her glass of wine and then, a pitcher of water that is now flooding the dining table.
"Kim, I think it's time for bed," you kindly say.
She brushes her hair away and sniffles, "But it's your last night here."
"We'll still be seeing each other tomorrow," you console her.
She cracks a smile and then snorts, "That's right."
Minho is quick to offer himself to carry her to bed but before she comes into his arms, Kim crashes herself into you and hugs you so tightly.
"You're the best roommate I've ever had," she mumbles with her head buried in your neck.
You put your arms around her to return her hug and gently pat her back, "That's so sweet of you, Kim."
"And I'm not saying that because you're the only roommate I've ever had, I genuinely love having you here," she says, pausing to inhale air.
"it's going to be so weird coming home and you're not here," she adds with a sniffle.
You can't bring yourself to check whether she's crying or not because if she does, there's a big chance you'll cry too. Instead, you look at Minho to let him know this is why you can't hurt her anymore.
All of a sudden, Kim breaks away from the hug and runs to Minho, she lets him take her to the bedroom. You watch as they get inside and close the door behind them.
After cleaning up the dining table and doing the dishes, you can finally go to your bedroom, being with yourself for the first time after a long, eventful day.
The room is bare since you have packed everything into boxes and you're standing there wondering how your life fits in those boxes. It gets you all sentimental as you feel like you're going on a new path in life.
The moment gets interrupted as you notice through the reflection in the mirror that Minho is coming into your room. Before you can stop him, he barges in and crashes his body against yours, lips instantly locked with yours as if they're two opposites of the magnet.
"Minho..." you sadly whine against his lips.
When you look into his eyes though, you just can't find it in you to resist him anymore so you give in and let tonight be another mistake.
Just one more mistake, you tell yourself.
-
Minho likes it when you're saying one thing but your body does the opposite. He's holding you close from behind and his hand is down south, fingers playing with your clit before he pushes one digit inside you, making you shut your legs together in reaction.
"We can't do this," you mutter against his lips.
He's expecting you to say that at one point but not this early in the night and not when he's just started. He presses his mouth into your ear and whispers, "Fight back harder if you don't want this."
There are so many ways for you to tell him off, you can break away from his hold, you can push him away and close the door right on his face but you do want this, he can see in the mirror how you liked being touched all over and how you like two fingers instead of one inside you.
"Oh..." you shakily moan as he enters two digits into you now.
Minho can feel it blooming under his touch and how wet you are for him, how your body wants more of him despite all of your efforts to stop him.
And you know what? He wants you just as much if not more.
He starts undressing you, taking every piece of clothing off of you as eager as a child unwrapping his Christmas present, and then gently, he lays you down on the end of the bed.
You look up at him with your eyes wide and flickering with desire, "Let's stop here, I let you—"
There you go with your empty warning again, he shuts you off with a kiss, "There's no way I can hold back," he says to you.
Impatient, he rips open his shirt and tosses it aside before kneeling at the end of the bed to indulge in your pool of arousal. Your moans begin to fill the room and in the mirror, he can see you try to muffle it by covering your mouth with your hand.
Minho can't get over how wet you are for him and he wants to keep it that way as he has lots of things he wants to do to you.
He gets up from the floor and quickly gets rid of his jeans next, then wastes no time to walk up to you. He takes your legs by the ankles, lifting them and holding them close to his chest, and then slowly, he parts them open.
Oh, the sight of your wet flushed cunt will never cease to arouse him. His head gets dizzy just from looking at it and it starts spinning as you put your hand around his cock.
"Fuck!" He curses under his breath as you bring his cock and rub it between your folds, making him more impatient to be inside you.
His patience wears thin and he puts his focus on aligning it with your entrance.
"Minho, I told you we can't— oh..." you loudly moan as you feel his cock penetrates you and stop talking as he pushes the rest in a painstakingly slow motion to make sure you feel every inch of his length stretching you.
"Doesn't this feel way too good?" He says as he deeply stares into your eyes.
He doesn't need to hear you say it, he knows because you feel too good around him too. He is steadily holding your legs on each side of his waist as he starts thrusting into you.
Minho can't decide whether he should watch his cock slipping in and out of you or watch how much you're enjoying it, quietly moaning while tugging your fingers between your teeth.
One thing he knows what to do is to make this last as long as possible, he stops when he knows you're closing in on your high.
"Oh," you sigh as he pulls out of you and swiftly, turns you over on the bed.
Now, he has you lying on your stomach and he grips your waist, raising it a little higher to give him just the right angle to enter you from behind.
You whine as you feel him full again and he's lowering himself on top of you, he's propping his elbow against the mattress to not put his whole weight on you.
Minho puts his hand around your neck and slightly tilts your head to the back to land a kiss on your lips. He can feel the blood rushing in your veins with his hand wrapped around your neck.
"Minho, let's stop this already," you whine.
Despite his cock buried deep inside you, you still find it in you to try to stop him. He kisses you hard and deep as if he's trying to strip all of your senses away.
"Shut up!" He tells you, "You don't even want to stop."
From the way you close your mouth is enough to tell him that you have no response to that but he knows now that he needs to fuck all these worries out of you.
Minho does all of that, he's fucking you with all his might, he watches how your face contorted in pleasure, how your hands are crumpling the sheet under you as he picks up the pace.
"Minho..." you breathlessly call.
Before you can say anything to stop him again, he grabs your chin and makes you see your reflection in the mirror, "Look at that!"
He waits until you open your eyes and see yourself in the mirror as he asks you, "Does it look like you want me to stop?"
Fucking you good isn't enough, he needs to fuck you hard enough that you forget everything else except for this moment where only you and him exist in this sinful tryst.
"If you keep going, I'm going to come," you whine between your moans.
Minho takes that as a sign that he's heading the right way but rather than adding speed to his thrusts, he slows down his pace and allows himself to melt onto you, putting his body on yours, placing kisses all over your shoulder and neck until his lips find their way back to yours.
There's no way he's finishing this without seeing your face when it's everything he wanted the most from it, seeing how fucked out you are that you can't find words to say.
After turning you over on the bed, he takes a moment to let his eyes lust over your body and then he runs his hand all over you, feeling your soft skin under his fingertips. He's using his mouth next to suck on your breasts and his tongue to play with your nipples.
All these times, he's been good by not doing it but the urge to mark you is getting unbearable so he does it, sucking on your ample flesh hard enough that he knows it's going to leave a mark.
"Ow..." you yelp in pain but it comes out as a mewl as you try to keep your noises on the low.
Minho settles himself between your legs, burying his head once again in your wetness to prepare you for what comes next. You're whining and moaning, sometimes, it's a mix of both and it's resounding in the room.
He starts to believe that you forgot about his girlfriend sleeping in the bedroom across the room, he puts it to the test by sucking on your clit which earned a loud moan for you. He's right, you forgot about it until a while later, and you hurriedly cover your mouth with the back of your hand.
He gets impatient all over again when it comes to entering you, he can only hold himself back so much and his self-control is wearing thin. He's lowly groaning as he pushes himself back into you, feeling your tight walls welcoming him.
"How are you feel so good every damn time, mmh?" He asks in disbelief with a rough kiss on your lips.
The sex feels so much better than the previous and if he could, he is just wanting to keep doing it with you because it doesn't feel like with other people, including his girlfriend of almost three years.
He watches as your eyes fluttering open and shut, and breathless moans spilling out of your parted mouth, overwhelmed by what he's doing to you.
"Look at you! Making lewd moans for me," he mutters with an intense gaze directed toward you.
He brushes your hair away from your face and kisses your open mouth, "Aren't you supposed to hate me?"
You lick your lips and look at him through your half-shut eyes, "I hate— oh..."
He launches his cock deeper inside you, not letting you finish your sentence, and keeps the intensity of his thrusts to distract you.
"I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!" You manage to repeatedly say and Minho roughly thrusts into you every time you say it.
"That doesn't sound convincing," he mockingly says, pretending like it doesn't affect him when in fact, it does.
"I hate you and I hate your guts," you say with your body shaking from how hard he's fucking you and your breasts jiggling along to it.
The hate somehow encourages him to keep going, he's letting go of himself and letting his body take care of the rest. He doesn't need to worry about you, he knows you are on the brink of—
"Oh, my—" You let out a broken moan as you reach your climax
Minho keeps moving to chase his high, his nails digging into the flesh on your thighs as he's going impossibly fast, ramming himself into you until he too, finally reaches his high.
Even though he's high in unadulterated pleasure and his brain is foggy because of it, he knows his way to your kiss, he slowly puts himself on top of you and softly places his lips on yours. There's something intimate about this, it feels pure and raw, it's just you and him locked in a chaste kiss.
However, when you break from the kiss, you look at him and say for the umpteenth time, "I hate you, Minho."
Isn't it tiring to lie? Isn't it tiring to keep hiding? But sure, you can say things that go against what you're feeling and betray your own heart as much as you want but Minho isn't one to do that kind of thing.
He holds the side of your face and fiercely looks back into your eyes as he calmly says, "That's too bad because I like you."
-
That makes it the third statement: Minho likes you.
If the other two are the truth then that makes this a lie, right? But, oh well, why bother figuring it out when you've already moved on from that part of life?
It takes a month to adjust to your new apartment and discover some places around your neighborhood like a regular cafe to visit when you need your caffeine fix and a bakery that sells this delicious bagel when you need a breakfast to-go.
There's no denying that you miss Kim from time to time and it feels a little lonely when you come home from work, and that's why you're excited for tonight, you're having the housewarming party that has been postponed twice because Kim got tied with her practice schedule.
Swear to God! You're just excited to meet her again and not at the possibility that you'll meet her boyfriend again.
Since you doubt your skill in cooking, you decide to order some food from Gaspard's recommendations and he also comes early to help set the table.
"You're chipper than usual," he comments as he cleans the table with a cloth.
"Am I? I feel exceptionally normal," you playfully respond.
When the doorbell rings, your heart palpation and you can't even bring yourself to peek through the peephole, you take a deep breath and turn the knob.
"Hi, my darling!" Kim gasps the second you open the door for her and you both exchange a quick, warm hug.
"Oh, I hope you don't mind me bringing a plus one," she adds, opening the door wider to let someone else in.
The excitement fills you to the brim that you feel like you're about to combust but it deflates in a second when you see that she's bringing someone else.
"You remember Astrid?" Kim asks.
You hide your disappointment and put on a smile, "I believe we met at the party," you vaguely remember her from her dirty blonde hair and Kim's fellow dancer.
"Yes, exactly that Astrid," she says as she shakes your hand.
"Please, come in!" You politely say, making a way for your guests to come inside your small apartment.
Gaspard appears to welcome Kim and gives her a quick hug, as if he heard your thoughts, he asks, "I thought you'd be with Minho."
"His car broke down again," Kim sighs as she takes off her coat, "I already told him so many times to buy a new one instead of sending his car to the shop."
This is so infuriating. No matter how much you convince yourself that you don't care about Minho, reality slaps you with the truth. You've been under the illusion that this distance will help you diminish this feeling but you do care, you care a lot.
The party went well or that's what you guessed, you were out of it most of the time, your body was here but your mind was going all over the place.
"You're so quiet," Gaspard comments again as he helps you clean up after Kim and Astrid leave.
"I'm just... sad," you honestly admit but decide to lie about the details, "Soon you'll be leaving too and I'm alone again."
Gaspard slyly smiles at you and leans the side of his body against the wall, "I mean, I can stay with you," he offers.
You scoff and put the dirty glasses into the sink, "Well, then you won't be missing me tomorrow," you say with a pout.
He sighs as he takes your subtle rejection with an open heart, "Are we still on for Sunday brunch?"
"Why? Do you need to cancel?" You jokingly say.
He bumps his shoulder with you as he joins in the kitchen sink to help you with the dishes, "Your treat!"
"Sure. My treat!" You agree with a bump into his shoulder.
A little after eleven, Gaspard left the apartment too with a long hug and a kiss on your cheek. You're going back inside to tidy up a few things while draining the wine from the leftover dinner, chugging it straight from the bottle.
It feels rewarding that you finish the wine by the time you're done cleaning the kitchen and now, you're tired enough to not think of anything else and ready for bed.
As you're about to change out of your dress, you hear the doorbell rings and your first thought is it's Gaspard, because he's done it before and he's shooting his shot for the umpteenth time. You're holding yourself back from laughing and head to the door to open it, unlocking it without checking it through the peephole first.
"What? Do you miss me already?" You jokingly say as you pull open the door.
"Yes," Minho answers without a beat as he's standing in front of you, making your heart race inside your chest and waking the kaleidoscope of butterflies as they start to flutter around in your stomach.
The first thing that comes to your head is what he said to you that night. Minho likes you and you still can't determine this one statement, well, it seems like you need to play another round to know if it's a lie or a truth.
-
Support my works by reblog, comment or consider tipping me on my ko-fi!
◦ genre: college!au, best friends to lovers!au; angst, fluff
◦ pairings: reader x minho
◦ word count: 17.4k
◦ description: lee minho crashes at your apartment four out of seven days in a week, but you’re the crashing for him.
◦ warnings: explicit language, mentions of alcohol, suggestive, slow af burn
◦ a/n: hello after 4 months of not writing !!! self-quarantine brings out the best in me (due to lack of responsibilities) & here’s the fic I’ve been working on for the past week; I hope you like it :)
one.
Lee Minho tells you that he drowned his AirPods during that one campfire social by the beach and that he can’t afford to buy a new pair because he’s a dirt poor, money-starved college student who survives solely off of Shin Ramyun and its complementary mushroom flakes.
You know this because 1) he’s mentioned it before during the ten-minute break of your three-hour-long marketing lecture and even got the professor involved in a heated discussion about Apple’s obligation to make all of their product lines waterproof for maximum customer brand loyalty, 2) the past several calls with him have been staticy and demonic sounding, and 3) he actually FaceTimed you during his grocery trip last weekend and asked whether he should buy two five-packs of Shin Ramyun or one. You said one, but you’re pretty sure Minho’s too fucking weak to pass up on that two-for-one deal.
So here you are, grocery shopping on a Friday night (because you’ll never wake up early on a Saturday morning) and listening to your best friend wail about his misfortunes through the phone as you’re slapping every watermelon you come in contact with.
this list is a collection of my all time faves for lee minho. please message me if you want your fic taken down or if a link does not work.
disclaimers: (1) some works are nsfw so minors dni.
(2) i will be providing limbo thoughts after the recommendations but they are by no means meant to characterize anyone else's experience. (3) i am not modifying the warnings/descriptions the authors put themselves.
last updated ⇢ 25.5.24 | * ⇢ limbo thoughts | newest fics in blue
return to full skz fic rec list
youngblood | college!au, best friends to lovers!au, angst, fluff. (wc: 17.4k) @changbeanie
* ⇢ this may have been the first lee know fic i read (or at least one of the longer ones). this fic is just amazing. slow burns are my weakness.*
your heart & your headache, too. | stray god au, fluff, humor, angst, action. (wc: 9.6k) @missinghan
* ⇢ another one of my introductions to stayblr and wow. this fic is still one of the best i have ever read. the characters are so funny, relatable (at least mc is for me), and there is a deeper message that just amazes me every time i read it. check out their masterlist.*
* ⇢ sahar, when i catch you sahar. banger right here. i love this so so so much. i'm limiting myself to one fic of hers per member or else i'd be putting everything she's ever written here. oops, what's this? you should check it out: masterlist*
cold as ice | figureskater!minho, fluff, first love, suggestive smut. (wc: 11.7k) @linospuddin
* ⇢ this fic is my roman empire. if you're ever going to choose something from this list, this better be one of the top contenders. oh no, i dropped this masterlist*
We're just friends.. right? | alcohol, truth or dare (barely), they are just stupid, and drunk, confessing, making out, just fluffy, the tiniest bit suggestive at the end. (wc: 4.9k) @/linospuddin
* ⇢ why am i here....just to suffer....from all the yes just friends broooooooooooooooo the confession was chef's kiss omggggggggg pudding i love you and none of this is making sense but i love this fic and i love you*
piece by piece | college au, mutual pining, fluff, angst. (wc: 6.2k) @godslino
* ⇢ take my nonexistent money please. this work is so cute and funny and sweet and i just love it so much. yet another case of i can't include everything or else all of ina's works would be here. this masterlist over here is looking pretty temping rn*
2:45am | established relationship, fluff, dad!minho. (wc: 2.5k) @/godslino
* ⇢ ignore what i said above, i have to include this one omggggggggggggg i'm dying*
hard launch | established relationship. @/godslino
* ⇢ istg ina, not again. don't make me come over there and shower you with all my love. that being said, this fic was just so cute and funny, i love it with all my heart*
orange peels | established relationship. fluff. (wc: 1.2k) @/godslino
* ⇢ i love this relationship, it really hits close to home and reminds me of someone*
the enemies to lovers project | enemies to lovers, college au, slight angst, fluff. (wc: 18k+) @softukiyos
* ⇢ one of the first fics i ever read for skz. i feel it deserves to be shared, the development is so good*
* ⇢ highly suggest reading the warnings before continuing with this goddamn masterpiece. omg this fic is so good and amazing and just so original*
7 days | fluff, best friends to lovers au, college au. (wc: 3.7k) @yyxgin
* ⇢ so much fluff. it's so cute, i love friends to lovers so much*
a marriage story - pt.1, pt.2 | fake marriage au, angst, fluff, suggestive. (wc: ~10.6k total) @scxrlettwxtches
* ⇢ another case of friend to lovers i've caught. i love how there is a sequel that expands upon their relationship*
thirteen percent | established relationship, fluff. (wc: 1.2k) @withleeknow
* ⇢ this drabble is so cute and funny. i'm breaking the self-imposed rules, i have to add multiple of her works onto this list. check out the masterlist pleaseeeeeeee*
my moon and stars | established relationship, (tooth-rotting) fluff. (wc: 1.1k) @/withleeknow
* ⇢ i need tissues stat!!! this was so cute and they're in love and now i'm so happy. i didn't mention this in the previous entry, but jen is literally one of the main reasons i started writing so please check the rest of her works out*
light years | childhood friends to lovers, fluff, angst, kissing, cursing, so much pining i could hurl. (wc: 4.2k) @/withleeknow
* ⇢ let me just summarize what i said when i first reblogged this piece of art: "HUH? HUH? HUH? TF? TF? TF? HOW DID YOU GET AWAY WITHT THIS TF?"*
flower | established relationship, fluff, a teeny bit angsty, minho's pov. (wc: 0.7k) @/withleeknow
* ⇢ leave me alone, i need to process my emotions. okay wait come back i need to be comforted and only this fluff will make me feel better*
not so bad | friend-to-lovers, roommates, college au. (wc: 13.7k) @luvknow
* ⇢ i did not realize the amount of college friends-to-lovers i've read, but i love this one. it is very much worth the read and every time i reread, i feel a little happier*
bunny - one, two | strangers to lovers, neighbors!au, smut, fluff, angst. (wc: 12.7k total) @tasteleeknow
* ⇢ *ahem* ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh read it read it read it. another case of i just have to include one fic or else i'd be putting their entire masterlist. oh, oops looks like i just did*
living in the ruins | best friends to lovers, soft!minho, angst, fluff, jealousy, emotional hurt/comfort, smut with feelings, in a tent. (wc: 2k) @/tasteleeknow
* ⇢ i like how i just decided to abandon my nonsensical rule. anyway...sobbing, tears are streaming down my face, banging my fists on the table. they're in love :(((((((*
everything for your golden touch | established relationship, smut. (wc: 2.1k) @tasteracha
* ⇢ look, this fic really speaks for itself. you should just go read it. maybe you'll discover something new about yourself (or maybe confirm something you already knew). let me just leave this masterlist here*
* ⇢ this fic tackles a difficult subject very well. i do recommend reading the warnings just in case this is triggering. with that being said, omgomgomgomgomg i loved this work so much. i don't want to give anything away so that is all i will say :)))*
* ⇢ i love a great action and world-building story. this fic was so amazing and the gradual build of minho's acceptance of how he feels was beautifully done*
What's Mine is Yours | idol au, soulmates, angst, fluff, slow burn, strangers to lovers. (wc: 14.3k+) @mintquokka
* ⇢ oh i loved this fic so much you don't even know. I had never read one like this before so it was so interesting, cute, angsty, original, and just a perfect blend of everything. the ending was so cute it made me want to throw myself onto the floor*
What the cat dragged in | smut, angst, strangers-to-lovers (kinda), 5+1. (wc: 13.5k) @moni-logues
* ⇢ PLEASE i read the fic and it's amazing with great build-up but i also read where the author got inspiration from and "bad sex" was not something i was expecting lmao. that being said, i'm fighting the demons rn and banging my fists on the table because of how much i loved the sexual-tension, frustration, and genuine care between the two*
heavenly | smut, some fluff. (wc: 1.7k) @mingirn
* ⇢ give it back. come on, hand it over. you know that i need my heart to function and my brain is fried (in a good way) after reading this*
trust a feeling that stays | angst, smut, fluff at the end. (wc: 2k) @/mingirn
* ⇢ FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK MY HEART OH MY FUCKING GOD. i cannot recommend this fic enough omg i kid not i was on the verge of tears*
02. sharing a bed series ; skz ; lee know | sexual content. friends2lovers, sharing a bed trope. (wc: 3.1k) @skzdarlings
* ⇢ i'm going to be real here and say that i thought i put this fic on here already. sorry, that was my bad because OMFG this fic was so cute, and angsty and funny and hot af. i feel like the author really got the characterization of minho down too*
untitled | fluff. (wc: 292) @nonranghaes
* ⇢ take all of my money. please, i'm not above begging. this drabble was soooooooooooooo cute omg*
Handle With Care | smut (with feelings), fluff, angst. (wc: 2.5k) @beesspacedotorg
* ⇢ wpfajwpfj'aojf'aoqnwfiabw;ifua;oiwhd;oANDLknaWIhdAKSBf hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm hmmmmmmmmmmm i feel completely, utterly sane and normal. not at all a changed person after reading this, no definitely not*
labyrinth | best friends to lovers, college au, slow burn, angst, fluff, a story on second loves. (wc: 20k) @/soobnny
* ⇢ i thought i already had this fic on here. mb again soz :(. anyway, god i think second loves are a new weakness for me. actually, let me say it with my chest: i know they are and this fic confirmed it. heartbreak sucks, but the relationship (friendship and romantic) between mc and minho was just so good like what do i even say. i love love*
kiss me | established relationship. just fluff and a lot of making out. minho is needy. (wc: 1.4k) @/soobnny
* ⇢ alexa, play literally any song to help me process the absolute adorableness i just read omgggggggggggggggg*
Vivid | fake marriage au, enemies/strangers to lovers, fantasy au, slow burn, lots of angst with an adequate amount fluff, heavy themes of death and suicide, graphic descriptions of injury, blood, and violence, sparse use of vulgar language. (wc: 62.7k) @chaninfused
* ⇢ HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. i had to make sure i typed the word count correctly because omfg author you are a beast. one of the best, well-thought out fics i have ever read, hands down. criminally underrated so please give this fic some more love. i've read some of the author's other works too and they never miss wtf how can someone be so good at the fantasy and royal genre????*
after the curtain falls | angst, fluff, its just hurt-comfort, university au. (wc: 2.9k) @starseungs
* ⇢ i was smiling so hard at the twist, omg you had me in the first half even though there was a tag for it lmao*
* ⇢ you know that meme with the woman silently screaming in the bathroom? yeah that's me rn*
the way things go; lee minho | roommates to lovers, comfort, slight angst, work exhaustion, happy ending. (wc: 3.7k) @37-drc89
* ⇢ RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (now imagine that as the call of duty zombie sounds)*
Laundry | smut. (wc: 8.2k) @ssickmagnolia8
* ⇢ I'M SCREECHING YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO MAKE IT SO GOOD HOW? HOW WAS IT SO HOT BUT ALSO LIKE DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN LIKE JUST EVERYTHING????*
To be alone with you | fluff. (wc: 2.3k) @lieslab
* ⇢ i understand mc's feelings so much lmao. i loved this work like you don't even know how amazing it felt to read it for the first time and then again and again*
Lil' One | fluff (wc: 0.6k) @shu-porang-porang
* ⇢ okay, uh what the flip (sorry i'm laughing at myself for writing that)? why was this SO GOOD????? AND SO CUTE????? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
* ⇢ full on sobbing rn. oh, you're asking why? because of HEALTHY COMMUNICATION. we love to see it (i love to see it). Forgiveness is what makes relationships become stronger*
Call my bluff, call you 'babe' | Childhood friends to lovers, fluff. (wc: 5.5k) @moonlinos
* ⇢ LET'S FUCKING GO (starts waltzing) let's go. sorry fam, an error on my part again for thinking i had already put this on the list. i can't promise it won't happen again, but you should read this amazing writing anyway*
Empty | dad!minho, fluff, established relationship. (wc: 1.2k) @hwangism143
* ⇢ I want everyone to know that I requested this goddamn fluffy masterpiece that healed my heart. okay, well i picked from the prompt list and via (pookie i love you mwah) decided to use her big writing brain of hers to give us all a taste of pure happiness. anyway, I LOVE IT SO MUCH GO READ IT WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE????
series
one last dance | smau, crack, angst, fluff, non!idol au, major character death, friends to lovers, soul mates, first love, roommates. (wc: 37k+) (sc: 271) @feelbokkie
* ⇢ sobbing, i loved this couple and their friends so much. queen of angst for a reason (don't mess with seungmin's wife)*
* ⇢ i'm screechinggggg. this series only has one chapter so far but there is so so so much potential here. minho is characterized in the most human way possible and i love it*
* ⇢ "limbo, why is this in the series category?" that is because it is part of an amazing series that has outstanding and immersive world building. i just wanted to highlight this specific episode because omfg this is one of the best pieces of writing i have ever had the pleasure of reading. you should definitely read the two episodes before this one to get the bigger picture*
wishful thinking | friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, friends with benefits au, college au, fluff, angst, smut. (wc: 21.6k ongoing) @/withleeknow
* ⇢ i'm crying, i love this series so much but i am also so, so scared for the angst to come. that being said, you should 100% read this series*
who you are, who i am - pt.1, pt.2, pt.3 | fluff, angst, (semi) slow burn, arranged marriage au, strangers to lovers, 4th wall break. (wc: 52k+ total) @hanibalistic
* ⇢ i found it!!!!! omg finally, after searching far and wide, i have found what i had lost!!!! this series is so so so interesting and original and omg i'm so happy i can reread it again*
blue side of the sky | exes to lovers, bestfriends to lovers au, fluff, angst, smut. (completed) @hyunfilms
* ⇢ i think this series is amazing. i don't want to say too much because of spoilers but i really do love the way it ended*
sea may rise, sky may fall | pirate au!, minsung x reader, smut, angst. (completed) @skzms
* ⇢ read the series' warnings before reading! frothing at the mouth, i always looked forwards to friday's because of this series. the world building is insane and the relationship between minho and reader AND JISUNG is sososososososososo good. i'm sad the series has ended but also so happy to see the captain and her crew's journey.
🔞 many of these works contain sexual content (18+ mdni) 🔞
» Kinkuary (2023) Masterlist ✓
» Kinktober (2023) Masterlist ✍
» 16 Days of Smutmas: Stranded for the Holidays Collab Masterlist ✓
✦summary: After the agony for his sexual frustation of living under the same place as you, Bang Chan finally decides to do something to satiate all his deep and dirty fantasies with you, his best friend’s precious daughter.
♡ pairing: richdilf!chan x spoiled!bratty rich fem reader
headcanons: dilf!chan, urdad’sbestfiend!chan ♡ he wore that dilf outfit and leave us fereal like that (me) + one shoot: smut
(i tried my best, not sure if this is how headcanons works heh)
♡ based on my wild thoughts in this post lol
♡ current warnings: MDNI, smut, daddy kink, dirty talk, teasing, fingering, masturbation, spanking, slapping, oral sex, choking, implied legal age gap (reader in her early 20’s and Chan in his mid 30’s), use of nicknames (some of them degrating), after care, and just chan being rough without mercy🙂↕️
note: reader goes by ‘park’ last name but it is only mentioned once for the narrative.
♡ word count: 11.3k
•MASTERLIST•
taglist forms for upcoming works or wip♡
—a/n: there you go, happy late father’s day!
playlist: daddy issues by the neighbourhood + be my daddy by lana del rey
yourdad’sbestfriend!chan who since he met you has not stopped fantasizing about the spoiled daughter of his friend and business partner.
dilf!chan who had to go through a horrible divorce and is trying to be the best father for his beloved toddler daughter, going through emotional stress and turning into sexually frustration since he meets you because he hasn't had sex in a long time, and you keep dangerously flirting and teasing him.
yourdad’sbestfriend!chan who wants to put you in your place for being spoiled and at the same time pampered you himself, him thinking that you’ve had everything in your life, except a big dick like his.
yourdad’sbestfriend!chan who finally decides to take you on a fancy date after your fiery flirtations behind your father's back, but proposes to meet his penthouse after a casual event at your parents's house and eventually wait to feel your nice tight pussy wrapped around his cock.
dilf!chan and yourdad’sbestfriend!chan who knows that his friend is a tough guy, demands too much from you and he didn’t give you the sweet treatment and love that a father should give his daughter, so Chan loves to hold you tight in his arms while you act tender and submissive since you could never do it and forced yourself to have a strong personality.
daddy!chan who loves to fuck you hard, ramming rough your tight hole just because you love it too, and ask him to do it hard; but also enjoys sweet fucking you while giving you soft kisses all over your face while praising you gently for moving on his big cock at your soft and tender pace.
daddy issues
He was older than you and was also your father's friend and business partner… yet you could not refuse his request to accompany him to his apartment where, according to him, you could have a nice chat and a better time… your little games of seduction and flirting were not new; you were both captivated by each other when you saw each other for the first time.
You knew Bang Chan, at least only by name, as your father often mentioned him, however you never got to see his face as he was a partner in a company in another country and your father always saw him there, you knew he was significantly younger than your father and that he trusted him a lot… almost considering him as the son he never had. You were an only child so you could say that you were in a way, somewhat spoiled since your father was stupidly rich and you were the only legitimate heir to everything he has and built throughout his life, but still having such a position carries great consequences as the harsh discipline and demands that he always put on you… almost making you mold two personalities; in spite of everything you were kind, a bit cold, but kind, humble and very aware of your surroundings, qualities that Chan noticed and captivated him instantly as well. You were mature but at the same time immature and mischievous, you had a special look for him that only he was able to decipher, you drove him crazy.
You only knew little details about Chan when you didn't know him in person, scattered comments in the air that you listened to vaguely with interest from your father, that Chan is his partner from another country, that he got married a couple of years ago —whose wedding you couldn't attend because of your commitment at the university—, that he had a daughter, that he got divorced and was the one who accompanied your father on the little relaxing vacations he gave himself from time to time; honestly you couldn’t have played it down more, you always thought he was a mature man in a suit looking old. Until you saw him for the first time at a business dinner that you were forced to attend so you would be more related to what your father was doing and working for; you saw him, Chan, near that white door frame, wearing an elegant suit and with a glass in his hand that looked so small when he held it. Your father introduced him, the famous Bang Chan he always talked about and the one and only you usually didn't take the slightest interest in him.
You remember how handsome he looked and the big smile formed on your face as you heard your father say that he would be staying a little over a month to settle matters of their respective companies just in the city and, to your surprise, he would be staying in the small house —not so small, as it could almost be considered as a quite decent and elegant apartment for which many people would pay a great deal of money— near the swimming pool.
The timing couldn't have been more perfect for you, you would be home for the academic break and you had Bang nearby, you had him in your sights from the first instant you saw him, his young and manly appearance, serious but relaxed countenance, his exquisite slightly pale skin and his beautiful full lips that you wanted to taste, in addition with an adorable accent, you suddenly found yourself fantasizing strongly about your father's best friend. All that night you couldn't take your eyes off him and… for Bang Chan, the feeling was quite mutual, he really didn't expect a pleasant surprise and a beauty like you from his best friend's daughter.
Your little fleeting games of seduction began without further ado, you noticed for miles the hungry gaze with which his eyes penetrated you; you wore short little skirts when he was supposed to be counseling you in finance, you accidentally caressed his body, you looked at him with sparkling eyes while seductively addressing him as Mr. Bang and you just loved being a little flirtatious around him…. when your father didn't see you, as he would never allow that kind of provocative and revealing attire on you; but you excused yourself with brave, of being a hot summer, and went out swimming in your bikini hoping Chan was watching you. It wasn't news to you, you wanted him so badly, and you were so used to getting everything you wanted.
And for him, of course he was watching you, he did it from the first instant he met you, he knew that you were not a normal kind of girl… Bang Chan always considered himself an observant person who appreciated and noticed every detail, since you met, he noticed the slight gleam in your eyes that grew more and more, your pupils dilating, your weak and fragile body excited to have him near, the feeling was mutual, since a long time ago he had not felt attraction for another woman again after his disastrous divorce and, what he considers, as failure in love, his only true love is his daughter, who is his priority, and his mother.
At first he decided to concentrate, you were a girl younger than him, as far as he knew, still studying at the university, you were not even studying a postgraduate degree; so it seemed absurd to him, you were young, immature and above all, the precious daughter of his best friend and business partner. But the days progressed, tortuous days in the Park's gigantic house, where you kept strutting in front of him like a little whore —or so he thought—, Chan only tensed his jaw, swallowed nervously with his throat dry, thirsty, trying to ignore the dirty thoughts of wanting to take you and put you in your place so you start behaving like the polite and fine lady you should be, carrying with pride such an important last name, but no, you decided to provoke him to the extreme, his blood heating up and fighting with his greatest instinct to not lift the little piece of cloth that would cover your ass, which you called a skirt, and hit your buttocks hard until you cry and lose little consciousness and that the only thing you remember is that you should feel ashamed.
Chan couldn't take it anymore, so after the first week he rented a luxurious penthouse where he would stay for a few nights to clear his mind… and get away from you, because once near you… his body reacted on its own and he was terrified that his instincts would take everything from him. He was stressed, he could not do that to his best friend, he trusted Chan fully and madly, he even confessed to him in such an intimate and vulnerable moment that he would leave in his hands two of his most precious things in life: his legacy and company and his beloved daughter, to advise you and teach you everything you need to know so that you, together with Bang, can take control and continue the legacy. Chan thought ironically if it must have been true when he told him that he would leave you in his hands, since he was dying for you to be in his arms right now.
Days passed and ignoring your immature games, Chan managed to get serious and advise you on company matters; you thought it was boring and expressed to Chan firmly how uninterested you were, to which he annoyingly puffed out his nostrils, thinking, but what a fucking spoiled brat... yet you were curious, competitive and a fast learner, so little by little Chan saw in you your maturity and determination, got to know your serious side and true personality… as if that wasn't enough, he was now more hopelessly interested in you.
After that he was more drowned in a sea of emotions that overwhelmed him more and more, sometimes you were a cute and pretty educated girl willing to learn, sometimes you acted provocatively seducing him and making his poor big cock cry of desperation, he wanted to fuck you hard without stopping, but also kiss you sweetly and take you on a date, he wanted to hear you talk freely about yourself, but he also wanted to leave you breathless while penetrating your delicate pussy. It wasn't until later when in a serious moment you confessed to him that your choice of college career was not something you enjoyed at all, you were doing very well when it came to your grades… but you felt it was only to please your father; Chan was surprised, he knew your dad was tough but he always seemed like a good family guy, but apparently he was not, he was always absent and filled his presence with material things all your life, Chan felt bad and… he remembered his beloved daughter away from him, it seemed wrong but, he thought he didn't want to give her those treats or be absent at any time in her life, but sadly he was thousands of miles away from her, just because of work. You sweetly told him that he still had a chance, since she was only two years old, it's not something like the little girl would remember anyway, that her father had to leave for a little over a month. And in a way you felt bad for yourself and for him... you felt so bad for wanting a man with children and because he had to get divorced because suddenly their relationship didn't work out, even with a child, which left you thinking too much....
Later in the madness of living under the same area, Chan witnessed something he shouldn't have, how your father yelled at you senselessly for partying around like a ‘slut’ when you should take care of your image for the sake of the whole family and that you could have appeared in the media, as well as claiming how you were bothering Bang Chan; since you had gone out to a club like any normal girl your age, frustrated at not getting the man you wanted, you decided to get drunk and text him while you were in that state, to which Chan ran to your rescue without hesitation. He took you home as you insisted and whined over and over about it, and sneaked you to his place, so your father wouldn't see you drunk; and you slept heavily in Chan's bed without realizing it, Chan died of tenderness and took care of you all night; however his help was in vain, the gate keepers and all your father's staff informed him of the situation, that Chan had to pick you up and that they saw you enter his room… making your father angry, not with Chan, but taking out all the anger on you, slapping you.
Chan was as devastated as you were, and ran after you, for the first time, giving you a hug as you cried into his chest. You hated crying, you hated being vulnerable in front of people and allowing them to show emotion in front of them… but with Chan, you were able to release yourself so well into his arms as he stroked your hair, you had forgotten when your last hug was and how warm human companionship can be.
After all that madness in such a short time, countless nights of both of you touching yourselves fantasizing about each other, Chan wanted to put an end to his agony, his heart ached for you and his cock cried so often for not being inside you. He was about to forget everything, to tell your father that he appreciated the stay and lodging at his house, but that he would like to leave for the penthouse he rented, where from there he would leave directly for work and only see you occasionally when you visit your father's company for your quick lessons; but he lost his mind when your father confessed to him that he would like you to date a son of another of his partners, a polite boy four years older than you… that was the straw that broke the camel's back, Chan hadn't realized how privileged he was and didn't take a chance, you were completely single, you didn't see any boy —as far as he knew-—, you barely left your house, so he finally asked you out on a date, a nice romantic date that he tried hard to plan since he knew very little about the city. You had a wonderful time and he couldn't believe it, for the first time in a long time, he was beginning to like and… slightly starting to fall in love with another girl.
Finally, the hot games of seduction and teasing were mutual, escalating into more and more dangerous territory until, Chan could no longer contain himself, he was fed up with so much play and erections in his pants that he had to take them off himself; so one simple Saturday where your father wanted to be a simple man and do things like most average men do to get along, like a barbecue, somehow or other Chan managed to get out of that situation as something suddenly came up for your father… leaving you and Chan alone. But you both knew you were not quite alone, there were eyes everywhere, so he suggested that you stop by to visit his temporary apartment.
You had accepted, your nerves increased with strength, you had not passed with Chan from light friction and dangerous closeness… but to be finally alone, your heart was pounding, you did not believe you had come so far. That Saturday you were exclusively bored, sneaking out a bit to see what your father and Chan were up to, who looked so handsome wearing a slightly baggy pale blue shirt, which showed through a bit underneath so he wore a white sleeveless shirt, blue jeans and simple sneakers… he looked so relaxed and cute. You fantasized about him in all his forms, in a suit acting like a rich and powerful man, the tender Chan hugging you while you cry and comforting you, the Chan best friend of your father who talks animatedly with him, and him casual, just him. You were so eager for him, you even told your best friends that this summer you had to fuck your father's friend, no was not an option, you had to have him.
He drove without another word to his place… you both didn't know what to say but you could feel the tension in the air, it was obvious he wanted to do a couple of not so tender and gentle things with you. You smoothed your skirt nervously as you rode shotgun in the car, luckily you always dolled up to see Chan and ever since that hug he always reminds you how pretty you look, out loud when you’re alone, and in whispers in your ear when people are around.
You entered the place even more nervous with Chan behind you… normally you are not the nervous type of girl, but something about being so close to Chan and what you always longed for made you even tremble.
“It looks nice” you managed to say as you walked into the place, clearing your throat a little.
Chan brazenly watched your silhouette up and down licking his lips, even your voice was driving him crazy, you turned to see him and found his worked and muscular body relaxed, giving you a little smile.
“But why would you rent an apartment if you're supposed to already have a place to stay...” you spoke again, getting closer to him and unable to avoid showing your little cynical and sarcastic side, “is it something rich men do or… is it to have more privacy with the girls you fuck?” your smile got bigger, waiting for a response from him.
But he didn't think it was funny, if only having sex with other women was so simple he would have done it so fast to forget about you, but he couldn't, it was just you, you and you. But Chan decided to relax a little and and match your energy.
“Oh yeah, hundreds of girls I bring here” he added amused, “Honey do you want something to drink…?”
You bit your lower lip, while your cheeks turned red as you heard him sweet talk you, you adored him madly and appreciated his attempt to be nice to you but you couldn't deny that you were incredibly horny, you were even slightly wet already, so you gently rolled your eyes then let out and small sigh, moving closer to Chan, you couldn't contain your body anymore, it was vibrating from all the possible scenarios that you couldn't wait another second for them to happen.
“Why don't you just kiss me already… isn't that what you've always wanted?” you said slowly returning to your seductive tone and took a step closer, almost brushing his lips as you look him suggestively in the eyes.
Chan stood still, incredulous of your boldness and that you wanted to start doing it at once… his breathing started to get irregular, his heart pounding as excited as it had never been before, he was crazy about you, although sometimes, with that cute and tender face you have, he expects you to act like that, tender and innocent, but you are absolutely the opposite, speaking boldly and not afraid to say what you are thinking about. And of course you were like that, at least in sex, not every day you had a man like Chan willing to fuck you, although you knew perfectly well that you could have them all in the palm of your hand, but no one was him, your sweet Channie who without realizing he knows too many private things about you that you fought so hard to keep them and hide, that you always carried with that weight; but you were like that, a bit daring to get what you wanted... but when it comes to feelings and expressing what you feel, that's when you really become the sweet, innocent young woman he slightly desires. But he doesn't mind anyway, knowing every facet of you is a challenge he loves to take.
“Please… Chan” you asked again almost in a whisper, you don't mind showing a little needy side of you to him, even though you were proud, you really wanted him badly.
Chan reacted coming out of his trance and quickly observing the details of your face, he grabbed your waist and finally caught your lips, feeling the same softness of the clouds and rising to a trance so heavenly by your touch, he was dying to kiss you from the first moment he saw you. Chan was slowly moving his expert lips over yours, you were so stunned that you didn't even know where to place your hands so you only left them lightly resting on Chan's chest, feeling the stiffness of his muscular and very well worked body, you couldn't believe it, you were getting too carried away with just simple kisses and your pussy started to throb hard so ready to take Chan's cock if he wanted to do it right now. Chan made you slowly open your mouth, at his torturous, slow and hot pace, with his left hand he held your face and finally the kiss became a little dirtier as he used his slick tongue mercilessly. The act made your pussy throb harder and covered more your panties with your sweet wetness. You took little gasps of air every now and then but Chan never let go of your mouth, you felt so good just kissing him that you slowly lost your sanity and the strength to stand; he gently began to stroke your back with his other hand, so you also wanted to be part of the soft touching while kissing passionately, so you directed your hand towards his cock, surprised to find his dick extremely prominent and erect in his pants, you almost moaned at the thought of how big his cock was erect, you were dying to see his cock completely uncovered. Chan moaned subtly as he felt your daring touch… but something inside him that night wanted to take absolute control of the situation, to give you orders and wanted to see you being a good girl for him, but you started touching him, provoking him more and teasing him just a little, but enough to squeeze your wrist hard with his hand that was previously on your back, pulling it away from his cock and, pulling a little on your hair to get you off his face, away from his lips. Leaving you confused and disoriented as you were extremely lost in his caresses.
“Don't touch until I tell you what to do, babygirl” he warned with a stern and defiant look at you, expecting a sweet nod of your head as you stare into his eyes so needy and submissive.
But it was just the opposite, you were so excited that all you could think about was making him feel good and how cute it would sound as he whimpered your name. You bit your lip, and tried to wiggle out of his grip on your wrist, going back to stroking his erection, ignoring him.
“Shit, but you're so hard and it's so big” you moaned, but quickly the tighter grip on your wrist and in your hair took over, stretching it, it confused you a little and you looked him straight in the eye.
“Why do you always have to do what you want and act like a fucking slut?” he blurted out suddenly with his eyes dark, the vein in his neck slightly exalted and his body full of lust.
You smiled broadly, something about him seeing him angry made you ten times more horny, you loved teasing him so much.
“Then treat me like one” you commented with a cocky grin, almost in an excited sigh, you were so agitated, your body throbbing, your breathing ragged and your heart seeming to want to burst out of your chest, forcefully feeling each beat rumble in your ears, you needed to fuck him desperately.
Chan smiled sideways in disbelief at your request… he was so willing to make you feel good and have a nice unforgettable night, of course he was going to penetrate you till you were breathless, but he would be gentle, ordering you around gently… but you were complicating things too much, suddenly you confessed to him how dirty you wanted the act to be.
“Is that what you want?” he added in a low voice, looking at you expectantly and intimidating you a little for the first time.
You nodded nervously as you felt the pressure of his grips even tighter, causing you a little pain.
“Alright” he replied, still looking intimidating and dominant, he brought his face closer to you, almost brushing your lips and tempting you to kiss him, “Dirty sluts don't deserve sweet kisses on the lips then” he mumbled in your face, pulling even harder on your hair, “They get fucked hard.”
You winced a little but he quickly released you, you couldn't hide your smile hearing him say that, you were so turned on and he hadn't even started touching you, you lowered your gaze to his pants, the protruding bulge in his blue jeans took your breath away, he was also so ecstatic without even starting.
“Take your clothes off now” he ordered you, still with an annoyed tone, but he was too turned on by you provoking him and acting like a spoiled cynic little bitch.
Chan pressed his lips together, licking them and putting his hands on his hips, with bated breath waiting to see the whole show. You looked at him and then lowered your gaze to your clothes, with light trembling hands that you were trying so hard to relax, you removed your top, your bra, your skirt and paused a little at your panties, bent down as you slid from the thin elastic and stared at him, his eyes captured on you, his gaze traveling quickly to every part of your body so as not to miss any detail, you gasped at the sensation of the fabric leaving your pussy and finally you were completely naked for him, smiling smugly at him. Chan couldn't resist, he had to touch you so he quickly drew your body to his, squeezing your ass, making you give a little squeak of surprise, finally, the sensation of his skin clinging to yours, touching you, your cheeks burned again, for so long you had fantasized about being touched and groped by him and now Chan found himself massaging your ass as you feel the friction of all his clothes, and his erection, joined to your naked body.
Chan watched you, your sweet pink lips begging to be treated gently, but you by yourself had decided to be treated like a whore so he would give you exactly the treatment, completely unaware of you and trying to erase the tender thoughts he has of you.
“Even fucking whores should be taught manners once in a while” he mumbled looking down at you from above and tightening his grip on your ass to which you moaned.
Chan carried you with ease, walking a few secluded yards to his living room in his large, soft white couch with its large mirror on the wall above it; he sat down and wrestled you onto his long, strong thighs face down, your lower abdomen feeling the pressure of the rough denim of his jeans, and your breasts brushing against the softness of the couch, leaving your ass in the air at his sight and will. You drew in a shaky breath, stirring uncomfortably from your position, predicting exactly what his next move might be about. Chan dropped his heavy arm on your shoulder blades impeding and bounding your movement a bit, having you just facing your very bounded front view; you felt him gently caress your ass and gently spread it apart to part your folds making you groan. Chan bit his lip at the sight of your wet and slightly swollen little pussy, you were so needy and having you just at his disposal made his cock throb enclosed in his tight pants, it was like his cock had a life of its own when it came to you, only with you he would get hard in seconds at the slightest interaction and that frustrated him madly… so he would finally get even for all the times you misbehaved and left him so needy, for all the times you behaved like a real slut to get his attention.
He inhaled air between his teeth gently shaking his head, thinking he had to, he wanted to see you cry and beg.
“I'm going to give you a little punishment babygirl, for all the times you went around provoking me when I never asked you to, behaving like a fucking slut, you won't count them, I'll spank you until you understand” he said plaintiff.
You sighed half-heartedly and excited, somehow you were so turned on by this foreplay of him acting domineering, of wanting to correct you and, without being able to think anymore, you felt the first strong and loud spank on your ass, your body contracting from the shock and impact, you gasped loudly, it had hurt so much and it was only the first one, but you couldn't help feeling that it was turning you on more, you thought that you would look a little crazy if you cum when he was hitting you, but you couldn't help it, your sensations were at the limit. Chan didn't even let your blood pressure molecules work for your well-being and stability, when he was already spanking you again, this time letting out a little cry and biting your lip hard.
“You have been a very bad girl…” he mentioned almost breathless panting with excitement as he saw your weak body react to the pain, “Very very bad for daddy, when all I wanted was for you to behave well” he spanked you again.
And you didn't know what surprised you more, the hit or that he had suddenly called himself daddy, making your heart pound harder…. daddy, oh my god you thought, he had finally said it, you thought it sounded so hot coming out of his rough voice full of pleasure and that ultimately that dirty fetish suited Chan so well, of which he felt a sexual arousal hearing you say daddy when you meekly and in a high pitched tone referred to your father like that, when clearly it was with a double intention, a random afternoon as you sucked hard on a popsicle while looking him coyly in the eyes. And Chan couldn't deny it felt so good to self-brand himself in that term in the sex act, it came so naturally to him, it made him feel empowered and in control, such a tender and dirty term only when both of you use it.
“Daddy” you moaned in pain and excitement as you felt your fourth spank.
“That's right babygirl, daddy is here to correct you every time you are misbehaving” Chan growled, stretching your hair and spanking you sudden times.
The shuddering sound of his big hand colliding with your destroyed skin made him hornier, Chan spanked you and watched your sweet reaction two seconds and continued to his activity, exciting him uncontrollably, with your body helpless and unwilling to move by his grip and your moans were more than enough, Chan wanted to release his cock once and for all, his balls ached and he could feel his precum drops coming intensely from his choked and pressed tip. You on the other hand were starting to whimper, you kicked hard and with awkward movements you struggled your right hand towards your ass to stop him from beating you, you had forgotten how many he had given you, but you were on the verge, your ass was a fiery red.
“Daddy, please” you whined with your voice trembling and in supplication.
“Please what?” he spoke sharply, releasing his grip on your hair and bringing it to your hand to stop you from impeding his action.
You were practically crying a little and tried to turn to look at him once he stopped leaning against your back, but you couldn't.
You were about to answer, as you were feeling your buttocks burning intensely, but you were sore and limp, however before you could say anything you felt two long fingers in your hole, suddenly fucking you and causing your body to react.
“Do you want me to stop, you little slut?” spoke Chan, playing with his fingers at your entrance, dilating it for him, you gasped in response, “You are so fucking wet and all I have done is spank you, do you actually like being treated like a real slut?” Chan bit his bottom lip again as he felt your walls clench his fingers, thinking if this is how tight you are with his fingers he was dying to feel that tightness around his cock.
You were so focused on the shocks of vibration his long digits transmitted to you as you tried to forget the pain in your ass, but you shrunk your body a little with fear as you felt his left hand let go of your arm and started to caress your ass again, you didn't want to be spanked again, you understood it was hot at first but now it just hurt. You were already a mess, you are soaking wet, with your eyes watering and physically weak. Chan got a half smile on his face as he noticed your reaction.
“So have you learned to behave yourself or do you want me to remind you again how painful it can be not to obey daddy? Because I can break that lovely ass of yours again” he commented, almost sighing excitedly the last sentence as he leered at your round red ass with his hand marked on your skin, gently squeezing the damaged area, making you whimper again.
“Yes daddy” you responded quickly and desperately as you resented the violent rhythmic changes of his fingers on your sensitive pussy, “I-I'll be a good girl for you, ahh, fuck daddy” you moaned exquisitely feeling the skill of his fingers exploring your insides as he plunged into the sea of your wetness, grotesquely hearing the sound of your fluids colliding with the movements of his fingers.
You were not thinking clearly, you were so close to your first strong orgasm from the sensation of his fingers alone.
“Watch your pretty mouth, princess” he commanded as he heard you curse.
“S-sorry, daddy” you replied just to please him so he wouldn't spank you again; it felt so satisfying for you to call him that as he had you exploding with pleasure.
Chan removed his right hand from your entrance and with it he began to delicately caress your wet folds as he grabbed your hair again.
“Come here” he ordered you.
You moaned softly as you stopped feeling his touch and struggled to sit up, you slowly raised your body, sitting painfully on one of Chan's thighs, but as soon as you sat down, he gently lifted you off your hips, leaving you sitting on the couch and he quickly stood up. You winced at the sensation of the material of the couch rubbing against your sensitive, bruised bottom, rising uncomfortably pressing your palms into the cushioned couch as you watched Chan's domineering complexion in front of you from the bottom up, the two of you exchanged eye contact, Chan looking up at you haughtily, gently licking his lips as his long fingers went to the button of his pants to unbutton them; your attention was completely diverted, concentrating on the action, you subtly bit your lip, you brought your legs together a bit feeling all the wetness of your pussy and for a moment you forgot your discomfort, your heart raced again just seeing that Chan was starting to undress, you were so excited as if he was unwrapping a gift you were eagerly waiting for, Chan never took off his smug expression and enjoyed seeing the eager reaction of your fragile body; once with his pants unbuttoned, he quickly stripped off all his clothes, he always felt more comfortable naked, plus he could freely do everything with you, he raised his arms, taking off both shirts, pale blue collared and the white sleeveless one he wears underneath, finally revealing his marked abdomen and pecs, you sighed, thinking how well preserved he was for an older man with a daughter and thought about how much you wanted to ride his cock while holding on to his worked body... oh, his cock, you thought in a second, still with your mind a little fuzzy and your vision blurred between desire and your slightly watery eyes. Chan finally took off his jeans, also desperate to be on top of you, you appreciated his big bulge for a few seconds before he finally takes off his underwear, his erect and rigid cock coming out gracefully, so overstimulated and with its notorious tip of a bright pink with details of a brilliant white from his precum. You opened your eyes in amazement analyzing every detail of his member's anatomy… you had never seen such a thing, you always fantasized that it would be big but reality surpassed fiction a little, it was a little bigger than what you projected in your head… it was perfect and looked so appetizing, you didn't miss any detail of his cock, from the base and its pink and slightly tanned testicles, to its entire firm length with protruding veins scattered all over it, it looked so nice and neat, and you started to feel so perky and excited leaving aside the pain in your ass, you were so excited that the slight discomfort was even turning you on more. It was so impressive and big that you wondered how he was able to hide it all this time. Chan saw your tender gaze sparkle at the sight of his big cock.
“You like what you see, honey?” he laughed softly, bringing you out of your shock and making you look him in the face, yes you adored his cock and you hadn't even tasted it, but you loved the person who possessed it more, you wanted to see every expression of your adored Chan when he is already fucking you. You nodded.
He caught your gaze, so lewd and submissive for him as your body trembled slightly and your chest looked heaving breathing hard. Chan was enjoying every damn second of having you. You wanted to get close to him, to start jerking him off because of your seductive nature, but you held back all your urges with almost even physical strength. Chan got down on his knees, fully willing to appreciate the precious pussy that now belonged to him and he would surely destroy later, making his cock move freely at the rough movement making him moan which you loved to hear, you came back to your senses hearing it; Chan spread your legs and appreciated your poor needy cunt, with your entrance slightly dripping.
“But look what a mess you're made of… just for daddy, aren't you precious?” he groaned running his fingertips along your labia.
“Y-yes daddy.”
You gasped, trying to relax your body on the back of the couch and settling your body so that your ass wouldn't hurt so much, Chan was lost in detail all over the structure of your vagina and began to stroke your sensitive clitoral spot, contracting your body a little; for him suddenly his slow process burned inside his body, but he was a true believer of leaving the best to last and in this case it would be finally feeling your tight core hugging his cock. Chan continued to stroke the entire length of your folds without leaving your clitoris alone; you were so frustrated, and excited, the sensation of your orifice getting more and more lubricated was driving you crazy… if you didn't feel filled by his cock in the next five minutes you would start to cry with despair.
“But what a nice, needy pussy, ready to be cared for, do you want daddy to take care of it for you?” he said dirtily spanking your exposed vulva, getting you all worked up.
“Yes, daddy, p-please…” you were about to beg him to fuck you at once, beg him because it wasn't that hard to just stick his cock in you.
But once again your words were interrupted as you once again felt Chan's fingers in you fucking you with agility, making you once again lose your sanity.
Chan brought his hand to his member as his poor sex was also crying out to be attended, but he would never admit it, at least not in this sizzling scenario you both were creating… and he began to masturbate panting while his other hand attended to you. You saw him lustfully biting your lip thinking that you could be the one who could please him, take his cock and make him feel good, he didn't have to do it by himself. He came dangerously close to the center of your labia, feeling his hot breath and his big nose brushing lightly against your genitals, you saw him, confused and expectant that if he came near your pussy it was because he was going to start sucking it but… he just stood there for a few seconds with a naughty little smile on his face.
He stopped masturbating to bring his hand up and play with your labia without missing the delicious rhythm of his fingers on you.
“You want me to eat your pussy, huh, little slut? Do you want to feel my tongue making you scream?” he spoke between sighs in front of your sensitive area.
Your cheeks flushed and you couldn't agree more, you nodded excitedly with your eyes sparkling, but only got a small mocking laugh from Chan in response.
“Well too bad, princess, bad girls don't deserve to have their pussy eaten by daddy.”
You whimpered as you stopped feeling his hot breath near you and from Chan's sudden movements inside you filling your organ.
“Let me help you daddy, I want to touch you too” you mumbled senselessly, closing your eyes tightly so ecstatic to feel something inside your vagina.
“You want to help me huh, yeah? With what, baby?” your whole body collapsed and trembled, you were so close and he knew it.
“L-let me help you with your cock daddy, I want to make you f-feel good too” you babbled, arching your back as you felt you were nothing short of orgasm. “Fuck, I-I'm-gonna cum daddy” you cried out sharply and before you felt the jolt of your orgasm you felt one of Chan's hand on your cheek, slapping you then squeezing your cheeks hard with his hand so you could stare at him.
The slap surprised you but excited you too much once you caught his dark gaze behind his small eyelids.
“I told you not to curse” he spat annoyed without missing the rhythm of his fingers in your pussy, you lowered your gaze to his strong arm whose skin glistened from the lighting of the place and his veins were exalted in his hand working on your hole and folds, you felt him pull again on his strong grip “Look at me” he commanded “You're about to cum, huh, dirty slut?” he gasped seeing your taut complexion struggling for release, and, almost bursting to fill Chan with you, he stopped completely, “Oh honey I would have made you cum but don't forget tonight you are still a dirty whore at my beck and call, you will cum until I tell you to.”
You whimpered, letting out a heavy sigh as you watched him in annoyance and disbelief as he stood up, bringing his big cock closer to your face.
“Come on, didn't you say you were going to try to be a good girl and help me” he groaned inhaling air between his teeth and dropping his heavy right hand on top of your head.
You saw him, lewdly and quickly arranged your body, getting on your knees on the couch and leaning your torso and arching your back to get exactly level with his cock, you licked your lips hungrily and held his long and slightly curved cock, you gasped as you felt its rough but smooth texture in your hands… for a second you thought about getting revenge and leaving him so needy without letting him cum… but your mentality changed as you finally felt him, so erect and rigid and ready for you.
“Can I put it in my mouth daddy?” you asked innocently looking into his eyes as you felt his sex throb after hearing you speak.
“Fuck, yes, babygirl, take it all, show me you can take all of daddy's cock, show me what your dirty little mouth can do” he replied in a gasping whisper stroking your hair.
You smiled and your eyes moved to his manhood, you kissed his tip, covering your lips in his precum and continued to give him soft kisses all along his length as your hands moved down as well, until you reached his base, where your left hand gently caressed and squeezed his balls and you quickly ran your tongue along his erection until you returned again to his tip. You felt every bulge of his veins in your mouth thinking that his cock would become your new favorite plaything. Chan gasped, completely giving in to the sensation of his sex finally being touched and tightened his grip on your hair.
“It's so big daddy” you moaned looking into his eyes as your hands masturbated him, preparing to take him into your mouth.
“It has to go all the way in your pretty mouth slut” he replied watching you from below.
You watched all the way down to his cock from your angle, his strong neck, his protruding pecs and marked abdomen until you reached his clean shaved pubic area detonating small veins until you reached his huge erect manhood, you wanted him to fuck you so hard until it made you forget your name and the only one you can scream and remember is his… but for now, you were going to suck him off so good he would miss the feeling of your warm cavity on his cock.
You moved your tongue circularly on his glans, tasting every part of his salty pre cum combined with your saliva as you tentatively played with his foreskin a little, making Chan whimper, which made your body vibrate with excitement and finally you opened your mouth wide to insert it. Chan let out a little gasp at finally feeling his cock inside something, a cavity as soft and warm and like yours, as he felt his cock finally being surrounded by the wetness of your mouth and the sensation of your naughty tongue that wouldn't stop moving. Chan sighed heavily, closing his eyes and throwing back his head.
“Fuck, babygirl, that's it, keep g-going, don't stop” he gasped encouraging you to move more.
His cock was so big that only half of it fit with effort, the rest of its length you held with your hand, still you took advantage of the stiffness but flexibility of his member, making him explore the inside of your mouth, making Chan tremble as his sighs of excitement came more and more forcefully from his inside, pushing against his abdomen. You felt a tickle in your nose as it watered and became slippery, your whole expression changed, your cheeks rose up to your eyes, bothering you and making them begin to water, however you did not stop and began to move, bobbing your head up and down his length, trying to adapt to his size, and do it at your pace, however pleasure took over Chan and between gasps he began to pull your head penetrating your mouth gently; you moaned breathlessly and with his virility in your cavity, whimpering and releasing tinies mmm's, the liquids of both began to slide out of your mouth; Chan bit his lip at the submissive and helpless image of you with his big member in your mouth as you struggled to keep up and catch your breath, then he looked up, meeting his reflection in the big mirror on the wall, seeing himself with such a pleased expression from you pretty mouth giving it all to satisfy him, Chan thought he couldn't wait to see what a mess you became as he fucked you hard, seeing you both in that damn, big, strategic mirror.
Chan continued to thrust your head, you were so turned on again that your trembling, fumbling hand found its way to your pussy to begin stimulating your clitoris as your mouth grotesquely and sexually filled with your father's best friend's big cock. Chan flicked his tongue, smiled at the sight of you in a mess, your makeup smudged, your eyes watering and your hand struggling to touch yourself… however the last thing did not please him at all, he wanted to keep teasing you and have absolute control of your body, your emotions, your panting, your pleasure, everything must be because he was giving it to you, it all belonged to him. He pulled roughly on your hair, pulling his dick violently out of your mouth splashing your fluids all over your face, his abdomen and onto the couch; Chan without thinking again treated you like a whore, and slapped you again.
“You can't touch yourself, concentrate on my cock, cum like a slut by just sucking my cock if you want, but you are not allowed to touch yourself, today only daddy can touch you” he demanded, leaving your fragile cheek slightly burning with pain.
You looked at him in surprise, and without answering him or being able to take a breath, he reached up again to grab your hair, taking the base of his erection with his hand and directing it back to your mouth where its red tip brushed your wet lips.
“Open up, make me feel good, let daddy cum in that little mouth” he demanded again in a husky voice.
You looked at him, vulnerably with each limb weak and trembling, you opened your mouth and he without warning pushed until you felt his glans touch the bottom of your cavity.
“Daddy is going to fuck your throat, princess, hold on.”
Your body vibrated and your womanhood reacted violently to his warning, you made eye contact with him again, almost begging for mercy as your eyes watered, which only made Chan swell more, he bit his lip and the vein in his neck started to become more and more noticeable, it felt more than good, he was about to cum with an intensity like he had never done before and just from fucking your mouth. Chan rammed you gently and then found a way to slide his cock down your throat as he dug his hands into your hair; you whimpered, out of breath and contracting your body hard, out of air and begging for some, regurgitating as he touched the uvula of your mouth, upsetting your gag reflex, as you held onto his thighs, digging your nails in; Chan cried out in pleasure, reaching so deep until you felt the rough texture of the skin of his balls on your lips, rubbing them into you as he moved subtly, only to pull away quickly as he saw your body convulse for help. You caught your breath and coughed from the earlier sensation of a large intruder in your throat, you brought your hands to your neck… you still smiled at him, it was so fucking hot, you were immobile unable to do anything about his strong grip, fuck, now you loved deepthroating him.
He noticed your cynical reaction, you looked incredibly horny to him, he didn't think you were that kind of girl, all in all a wonderful girl willing to explore every game and open to anything.
“Make me cum” Chan added in a whine, now he almost pleading, releasing his tight grip on your hair and now stroking it. Your smile widened and now you continued at your pace, tasting and enjoying his entire length and testicles, your mouth up and down his cock as you massaged his balls; then running your tongue all over it as if it were your favorite candy.
“Mmm, you taste so good daddy, I love your cock, it's so big, mm” you babbled between his cock, looking into his eyes.
“Yeah?” he said raising his eyebrows and looking at you haughtily, weakening his body so much at every naughty flick of your tongue and strong suction, echoing grotesquely in the room the moans of both of you and the dripping sound of his cock colliding with your mouth and lips, Chan was so close, “Keep going babygirl, fuck, I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna cum, all over your fucking mouth, you're doing it so well, what the fuck” Chan babbled feebly.
And Chan ejaculated, inhaling hard air between his teeth and gasping loudly as he closed his eyes as he felt his cum shoot out of his glossy tip, landing on your ready, open tongue. You watched Chan cum, his abdomen contracting as he gasped loudly and you felt like a faithful happy puppy wagging your tail endlessly. You kept stimulating his glans, flicking in small circles as you subtly lubed it and withdrew the semen from your mouth, falling in sticky drips to the couch.
“Fuck” said Chan in exasperation for the last time before pulling his cock away from you.
Chan was hard again, not caring that he had just finished cumming, he was still very well loaded, now ready to fuck you, he leaned towards you, looking at you intimidatingly to which you shrank back coming up against the back of the couch, unsure what his spontaneous move might be now. Chan approached your face and with his thumb he roughly slid the liquids around your mouth, on your chin and under your nose, aggressively doing it even on your lips, then forcing his finger into your warm mouth, you didn't take your eyes off him, once again breathing heavily, you caught his finger and sucked it hard in such an erotic act while appreciating every detail of his handsome face.
“Good girl” he whispered, “Now spread your pretty legs and let me see your pussy to prepare it before I fuck you.”
Once again you came back to all your senses, your body trembled with exaggeration and excitement knowing that he was finally going to fuck you. You leaned back fully and spread your legs again showing him your exposed vulva, still throbbing and a mess from being soaked and moaning softly from your bruised ass. You looked at Chan's full complexion and once again your eyes were lost on his stiff throbbing cock, fearful that perhaps it was going to hurt a little…. Chan didn't hesitate and passed his hard cock rubbing it in your soaked folds while holding it with his hand, you moaned shuddering at the sensation, he was teasing you to the limit, Chan also gasped subtly at the pressure of his cock in your wet warm genital, rubbing it proudly in you, you swallowed, still with your mouth wet and sensitive from his cock in it just a moment ago and plucked up the courage to say to him:
“Fuck me please, daddy, I-I need you, please” you begged as you felt his firmness rubbing hard against your labia.
Chan watched you smugly with a smile as he saw you so needy, your pussy exposed, your makeup ruined and your glossy mouth dirty and your body with little drops of his cum.
“You want my cock so badly, huh?” he mumbled now teasing your entrance, rubbing his tip and rubbing it gently, almost thrusting it in which made you groan as you retained the loud sound biting your lip and enjoying it.
“Mmhuum…” you moaned nodding softly.
You thought Chan was about to fuck you in that position, you were so ready, your orifice dilated desperate for him, but you were surprised when he abruptly grabs your wrist, pulling you up and forcing you to stand, moving your body with ease, putting you on your back to him, you felt so hot from his sudden movement and quickly felt Chan move closer to your body, sticking his erection on your back, he held you by your breasts and whispered hotly in your ear,
“I'm going to fuck my way into you, babygirl.”
You saw the scene in the mirror facing you, half your body exposed and Chan behind you looking at you with desire. Once again your serotonin rose, this time without false hope as you finally felt Chan's cock slide all the way to your entrance, stretching your entire hole making you scream and you felt your whole canal slowly fill to the bottom, with the sensation of Chan's body crashing against yours, he also groaned as he was inside you, with your tight walls choking his swollen cock; you whimpered and arched your back a little, now enjoying it and shifting your hips gently to adapt to his size. Chan saw the sight of his cock buried in your tiny hole, stretching for him and gasped at your subtle movements.
“And you're fucking yourself already huh? Don't move babygirl, I'm gonna be the one fucking you tonight, remember.”
Chan grabbed your hips, pulling your body away and then tackling him, exquisitely sliding his cock into your walls, you both gasped. He meant to be gentle at first, but eventually found his pace as he began to pound you hard, inserting his entire firm length into your tightness, “Fuck” Chan mumbled, looking at your red and slightly bruised ass, as his pelvis and balls pounded you hard. You were so wet that amidst his moans and sound of his skin slapping also came the sound of your wet pussy meeting his cock.
“Fuck, baby, you're so tight, what a fucking tight cunt, so good, baby” Chan whimpered, you were deliciously tight for him which made him feel divine, finally everything he had sighed about so many nights in frustration, wanting to falsely set limits with you, was just now, fucking you hard.
“Fu-, it's huge daddy it hurts but it feels so good” you mumbled as you were rammed hard with your voice cracking between each stroke he gave you.
Chan grabbed your arms now, holding you still and doing what he wanted with your body, deliberately pounding you with his big cock, enjoying every inch of you until he reached your cervix hitting it hard. He stretched your body, pulling it together with his, making the thrusts deeper, almost vigorously moving your guts, feeling the bulge of his cock protrude into your belly; Chan wrapped his right arm around your chest and neck, headlocking you softly, while his left hand went down to your clitoris, caressing, you trembled and moaned at the same time, you were losing strength as you were extremely filled with pleasure and literally filled, physically by Chan's cock, you saw his glowing big arm wrap around you, smelling his sweet scent as he gently brushed your chin, he put his head close to your ear and whispered dominant:
“Look how I fuck you, huh, is that how you like it little slut?”
You gasped breathlessly, and looked up to see your humiliatingly weak body and your expression of pleasure in the mirror, ecstatic at your insides being destroyed. Chan was also beginning to tremble, he was so empowered but at the same time weak, he had cum intensely before and your walls were sucking his cock heavenly; so in one swift movement, he sat down on the couch, without getting out of you, giving you a better sensation of his balls rubbing against your pussy and his smooth, marked skin of his abs touching your back; you whimpered at the sudden motion, as your buttocks were still sensitive, Chan continued to hold you by the neck, ramming you hard bringing him closer and closer to his glorious second orgasm. Once again he stroked your sensitive spot on your pussy and positioned his face next to yours, so you heard every hot and needy whimper of your secret lover, every sigh and exasperated moan, being music to your ears.
“Look at you, taking my cock so well into that soaked tight pussy, don't you love when daddy fucks you hard, sweetie?”
You gasped raggedly, “Yes, daddy, I love it”, but your body quivered harder, finally so close to your orgasm.
“Fitting my cock in your tight hole like a fucking slut, god, you feel so good” Chan whimpered at the sensation of his swollen cock shrinking, struggling to enter you fully, destroying you so heavenly, while Chan held back the urge to kiss you dirtyly.
He accelerated his movements, both of on your clitoris and his thrusts, lifting his hips harder, pounding you hard.
“Oh, daddy, I'm going to cum, can I cum?” you whimpered shuddering almost on the edge, you had held back so many orgasms you were about to burst.
“Go ahead princess, cum on my cock, isn't that what you always wanted?”
Chan groaned, smelling strongly the scent of your hair and moved his arm, now only to his hand, placed on your neck and beginning to choke you. You felt his strong grip, shortness of breath and your heart pounding intensely as your pussy kept being rammed, you brought your hands to his at your neck, feeling every exalted vein of his bony upper limb with your sight blurring completely, you whimpered loudly for the last time and unloaded into him, relaxing the tension in your muscles and releasing all your sweet cum.
“Fuck” grunted Chan as he became aware of your warm cum wrapping around his dick, and his grip on you gradually became less tight, “I'm gonna fucking cum inside of you, babygirl, oh, fuck, fuck” he whined and he continued ramming you until he cummed hard inside of you.
You drop your completely tired and yielding body on Chan's chest, both of you with heaving breaths. Chan lift you up a little from his length to witness the obscene scene of your tired cunt and wide open hole with his cock inside, so needy and twitching while spilling out your sweet cum coating his cock, sliding down reaching his balls. He smiled incredulously and proudly, after he promised himself that he wouldn't touch his friend's beloved daughter…
“Fuck, babygirl, that was great” commented Chan breathlessly with a sweeter tone as he gently fondled your breasts, “Come here and kiss me” he asked sweetly.
You were shaken, your vision blurred and throbbing from such an intense orgasm, yet you gave your all to turn your body and join your lips with Chan's, you loved being fucked by him, but all the time you missed the feel of his soft lips. Chan kissed you sweetly, playing with your nipples, an act of which if he kept doing there was no doubt you could become aroused again.
“Maybe next time I'll fuck you gentler, okay? Forgive me if I was too rough, princess, was I?” he whispered tenderly, softening his gaze to a cuter one in seconds.
You softly denied looking at him tenderly, “No, daddy, I loved it… but I would also love it if you fuck me gently next time” you smiled shyly at him.
Chan found your tired face adorable, your cheeks red, still so flustered trying to calm you down, he smiled back and released your tits to let his hands rest on your thighs, caressing them and placed a soft sounding kiss on your shoulder and said:
“Do you want to stay on my cock for a while or…?”
“Oh, I'm sorry” you interrupted him opening your eyes in surprise not realizing that maybe he wanted to be done, which he laughed softly at your reaction, narrowing his eyes and stretching his nose a little.
However that wasn't his intention, Chan didn't care, he also refused to get out of you, to feel you from him, he just wanted to know if you would stay longer to get into his totally tender mode and not get hard inside you.
“You want me to clean you up? Geez you've made a mess, beautiful.”
You denied again embarrassed.
“No, no, can I go to the bathroom?”
“You'll clean yourself up like a big girl” he continued playfully.
To which you provocatively and innocently replied, “Yes, may I daddy?”
Chan let out a giggle and nodded, stroking your back, “Would you like some dinner, princess? It's late, will you stay here?”
You nodded blushing, “Yes that's fine and… I guess I can say I went to stay with a friend.”
Chan smiled, “Won't it be very suspicious that we left together and absent at the same time?”
“Like if my dad would care” you replied, a little annoyed.
“I think he will mind if he finds out that it's me corrupting his sweet daughter…” snapped Chan.
You moved closer to his face and with a big mischievous smile you whispered, "Then let's always keep it a secret" you kissed him quickly.
That caused a reaction in Chan, again you and your subtle seduction games but you stood up, sliding his cock one last time and it falling gracefully again close to its owner, causing him to let out a soft moan as he still saw how soaked both sexes were joined together.
“Where is the bathroom…?” you asked, uncomfortable, looking for your clothes to cover yourself as you didn't want to walk around naked like one without shame.
He watched you tenderly as he noticed you, “Down this hallway to the bottom right” he answered you, reaching down to get his blue shirt, “Here, babygirl, put it on.”
You smiled shyly at him and put on his shirt of which was of little helpless as your body was see-through in it, he looked at you more tenderly as he saw how huge it looked on you and you walked shyly to the bathroom.
Chan got up, cleaned up and tidied the mess a bit, ordered dinner and tried to find something comfortable for you… but none of his clothes weren't going to fit you. You came out of the bathroom and looked for Chan until you found him near the TV in his living room trying to put something on, looking like a real dad looking for what to watch on TV, you approached him with a smile and hugged him to which he immediately reciprocated.
“I tried to find something for you, but I don't think my clothes fit you, but don't worry beautiful, I put your underwear in the washer so you'll be comfortable.”
You lifted your face and looked at him sweetly, “I guess I have to stay like this, with nothing in my pussy for a while” you commented, playfully.
“It doesn't have to be so alone, your pussy if that's what you want” Chan whispered, sliding his hand suddenly and with his fingertips caressing your exposed folds.
You moaned, your eyes began to darken and your pupils to dilate. Chan let out a giggle and withdrew his hand, he was just teasing you a little.
“I ordered us sushi, okay? Wanna watch a movie?” he said still with a slightly teasing expression, to place a soft kiss on your forehead.
But Chan knew damn well you'd never end up paying attention to the stupid movie anyway, he still wanted you so bad.
₊˚⊹♡ bonus imagine:
Video you take of your new secret lover, in your hidden encounters in his apartment; him looking so relaxed and handsome in his black sleeveless shirt as the two of you make out passionately, waiting for the situation to escalate to something more fiery, exciting you so slowly and exquisitely as you feel his lips, but suddenly an important call interrupts you, Chan has to take it, telling you that all his attention will be on you in an instant, so fast as soon as he finishes an important issue and he turns on the bed to grab his phone so he stays positioned with his abdomen pressed against the bed. You frustrated and a little annoyed you get up from the bed and grab your phone which is on the other side of the room, but you came across a Chan so tender and focused on what he was doing so you couldn't help but take a video of him, to which he promptly notices and reacts in a sweet way.
(i had to made it a gif cause the video glitched the post)
The kind of selfies he sends you when you're not together because he had to go back to his city, followed by a: I miss you so much
I've been thinking about you so much, I can't wait to see you on friday, my princess❤️
synopsis: you're a doctor at a hospital where Chan comes after a fight.
warnings: 🔞!!! boxer!chan, blood, broken bones, bruises, praise, unprotected sex, creampie, thigh riding if you squint, 'pretty girl' used once, choking (m!rec), prob forgot some sorry
wc: 4k
an: all the photos of chan at or for the Fendi show have me gagged lol feedback is appreciated!! :)) [m.list] check out my other chan fic :)) [am/pm]
It was your starting shift when Chan came in. clutching his bloody nose with one bruised hand and pressing his other one to his wounded side. “my savior,” he smiled, dimpled cheek prominent even through the pain. He had blood in his mouth, teeth tinted pink with it.
“Someone had a good night,” you laugh flipping open his chart, “says some minor pain but you seem to have lied seeing as you are currently bleeding right in front of me and you didn’t log it,”
“my nose is fine, it was checked out by my coach, it should stop bleeding soon,” the rag he has to his face soaked through with red. “and I’m not a liar it’s only a bit painful and I wouldn’t have come in if I wasn’t contractually supposed to,”
“uh huh,” you nod, tapping your pen against the clipboard you held. “So your nose doesn’t need to be set because your coach, who may or may not have any medical background, said so?”
his smile widened and the cut on his eyebrow started to leak again from the movement. “exactly,”
“and I don’t need to see what you’re hiding right there,” you point with your pen to his fingers cupping his hip.
“nope, I’m mainly a bit sore around the arms, so minor pain. I am not a liar,” he shrugs and you let yourself fully take him in past his injuries. He's slouched back against the hospital bed, his white tank splattered with his blood, gray sweatpants slouchy on his hips. if you could see his whole face without his hand in the way you’re sure he’s gorgeous essentially with a smile like that. what you didn’t like was to watch someone's cocky ass waltz in and say they aren’t hurt when it’s obvious they are.
“well I am also contractually obligated to give you the best care I can offer and as your doctor, I’m here to say I can’t let you go without an exam,”
“full body?” his tongue running across his teeth as you roll your eyes. it wasn’t exactly professional to let your annoyance show but you didn’t think he would run and tell someone.
“let's start with your nose,” you turn placing your clipboard down and picking up a pair of gloves, “lean your head back,”
Chan follows your orders as you walk around the bed to his side.
“How did you end up here?” you ask, lifting the rag from his face. His nose wasn’t bleeding as much as it must have been earlier but it was still messy. And even with blood smeared all over, he was one of the most beautiful people you’ve ever seen especially as he grinned up at you.
“fighting,” he shrugs.
“Is this the part where you tell me that I should see the other guy?” you reach over to grab some clean gauze before cleaning up his upper lip.
“Maybe,” he dragged out the word, the smile as flirty as ever.
you lightly press your finger to his nose to check if it’s broken but only feel a little swelling. “keep your head back to stop the bleeding. let's now see your side and then we will tape up your eyebrow,”
“I’m perfectly fine,”
“Not unless I say you are, come on let me see,”
Chan is slow to lift his shirt but when he does his side is covered in deep purple bruises. “you're going in for a CT,”
“what? no, I'm fine it was a few hits nothing I haven't felt before,”
“better safe than sorry I'm sure you've heard that saying before. next time don't go getting into fights,”
“It's kinda my job,”
“pretty boys like you shouldn't be fighters, and they shouldn't be putting their perfectly healthy bodies in distress, we need to check for any internal bleeding,” you peel your gloves off tossing them in the bin along with any bloodied gauze, chan's head still laid back as he watches you, “a nurse will be in to take care of your eyebrow and take you for the CT,” you pick up his chart, penning in the request.
“You're not going to take me?”
“I'll be back in to discuss the results it shouldn't be too long a wait it's slow tonight,” you didn't look up from his chart as you said it but you did when he said, “I want you to take me,” it's not suggestive in any way but the way that he says it is, deep and throaty like an invitation. his head lobbed to one side watching you, eyes leaving a trail of heat up your body as they trace your figure.
“I will see you after your results come back,” you say, rushing to get out as fast as possible. it was frowned upon to flirt with patients no matter how hot they looked or how willing they seemed to flirt back. you went on your rounds before getting Chan's results, the nurse bringing them to you with a smile.
“he will not stop talking about you,”
“What?” but you can feel your heart thumping all of a sudden.
“asking questions and whatnot,” she giggles as you pull out his scans. “Does she usually work Thursdays? Is she seeing someone? going on and on,”
“about me?” You're a little shocked but trying to play it off.
“if you don't give him your number I will hand mine over,”
“We cannot give our numbers out to patients,” but your blush is hot on your face. who would know you gave him your number? no one. “we will both be out shortly please have his discharge paperwork ready,”
“Should I put your number on it?” she jokes and you roll your eyes before pushing his room door open.
“no internal bleeding,” you say once you close the door. “but you should ice your side the swelling will go down soon,”
“I told you nothing was wrong, he couldn’t hit hard enough to cause internal bleeding anyways,” Chans sitting up now with his legs off the bed.
“you should be getting checked regularly for damage that is visible, especially if you have pain,”
“It was only a little pain,” he rolls his shoulders back making his tank top stick to his pecks.
“you should take an over the counter pain med and then try to avoid fighting,”
“Now where’s the fun in that? if I hadn’t been sent here I wouldn’t have met you,” dimples on display just for you.
“uh huh sure,” you wave at him to stand, “Let's get you out of here before you steal the hearts of the nurses,”
“the only heart I’m interested in is yours,” it’s cheesy but you can’t help the smile it gives you. “Let's go,” you laugh, pulling open the door for him. when he walks out he turns to face you moving backwards.
“if I got into another fight would I be able to ask for you specifically or would you need to give me a number to hold onto just in case?”
“flirty and shameless,” you say, walking him to the front desk to check out.
“that did not answer my question,”
“I’m sure you could find me in the hospital directory if you looked hard enough,”
“and if you’re not working? will it go straight to voicemail or will I somehow be able to get you over to take care of me?”
“for someone who didn’t need my help at all for his little bit of pain, he sure is worried for his safety now,”
“I was told by a gorgeous doctor that I should be concerned with putting my perfect body and pretty face in the line of fire,”
“I said you had a perfectly healthy body,” you shake your head at him.
“You did say my face was pretty tough,” he leans against the desk elbow propped up to the perfect height to flex. “And I'm sure I can show you how perfect my body can be,”
“goodbye Chan,” you wave your fingers in his direction walking away before you embarrass yourself in front of your coworkers.
-
It's only a week later when you see Chan's chart in front of you again. “This one was asking for you by name,” the nurse comments.
“of course he was,” but even as you say the words you can't help but feel the fluttering in your stomach. most people who came in you didn't see again and if they flirted you were happy to see them gone but Chan wasn't making you feel that way.
he was alone in his room when you went in. laid out on the bed with his hand to his nose. It was like deja vu only now his tank was black instead of white. blood dripping down to his lips that smile directed at your heart. his eyebrow looked better but was still slightly discolored from last week.
“I think this time it's broken,” but he's not showing any pain if it's the truth.
“your nose again? you’re too pretty to be taking punches to the face,” you pull on a pair of gloves walking over to inspect him.
“That's why they do it, they are jealous,” he lifts away the gauze the nurse must have given him.
His nose is clearly broken and needs to be set. you press your finger lightly to the bridge checking out the bone. Chan's eyes flutter shut and he lets out a weak moan, so soft that you probably wouldn't have heard it if you weren't so close to his face. you try to ignore the sound feeling along his cheekbones but when you press to the corner of his eye he lets out another soft whine.
“I'm going to have to reset it,” you say pulling your hands away from him, “you can set up an appointment-“
“can't you just do it now? I don't think I'll need all the fuss of local anesthetic i think I can handle it,”
“It's going to hurt,”
“it didn't hurt much when I was hit I'm sure it won't be too bad the other way around,”
“You know it's okay to admit when it's painful,” you say, prodding again at his nose, he gives another soft moan at the touch, shifting his hips and leaning further back.
“I like it, so even when it's a little painful I don't mind,”
you move to grab a splint for his nose before preparing him, “I'll be quick so you shouldn't feel much but it will still hurt,” this wasn't the first time you've had to fix someone's broken nose but it would be the first time you were worried about messing up someone's face. you had full trust in your abilities but your anxiety was not helping.
Chan crossed his arms nodding before you pressed the heel of your palm to his nose, “Deep breath,” he followed your instructions and without warning you reset his nose. He flinched knuckles bleached from holding on so tight to himself, moaning as you pulled your hands back. you grabbed the split to finish the job, “see quick and easy,” his voice thick before he clears it. “I think I need a minute,”
“I can get something for the pain real fast,” you say tugging off your gloves already moving to get the meds.
“no no I don't need that, I just need a second,” his head is leaned back, throat exposed, arms still crossed while he shifts his hips again drawing your attention to his waist. you can clearly see the outline of his hard bulge through his gray sweatpants.
“Oh!” you turn around fast to try and give him some form of privacy feeling your face get hot. “I um- I'll just-“ you cut yourself off picking up his chart and moving to the door. you close the door as he tries to say something but you’re already down the hall trying not to think about what you saw. you don’t really care it’s not the first time you’ve seen someone turned on in the hospital although all the other times you rolled your eyes. Now you’re stuttering and trying not to think of Chan in a way that could get you into trouble.
but it’s all you can think about.
how long would he need? would he be actively trying to get rid of his problem mentally or physically? what would have happened if you had stayed? would it have been beyond awkward or would you officially have to resign for having sex while on shift?
you give Chan's chart to another doctor to check over your work and send him off. you didn’t want to go in and embarrass him or embarrass yourself for that matter. so you hid like a coward.
-
it was a rare night off for you and you took the opportunity to spend it with your old friends.
at a nightclub on a busy strip downtown your friends decide to bar hop. you had a late shift tomorrow anyway and didn’t care about sleeping in. At the third bar, your friend's boyfriend starts talking about a fight happening across the street. “the guy's undefeated I swear I just wanna see the end,”
“If you’re dragging us along you’re paying the entrance fee,” your friend says before another pipes up, “and a drink each!”
“Fine, fine let’s go, it's already started!” all of you rush across the street joining the moving queue as people file into the building.
You can hear the cheering already, the announcer shouting over the speakers, your shoes sticking to the floor as if you were still at the bar. but this is far from it, people are jostling each other around, and the seats all first come already full. it’s not until you’re making your way up the steps of the bleachers that you see who’s in the ring.
Chan is shirtless and glistening with sweat, hair stuck down across his forehead, lip bleeding around his mouth guard. muscles rippling as he delivers a blow to his opponent.
you’re almost shocked still and unmoving in your walk up to a seat. someone behind you tries to move past you and you stumble, unaware of your surroundings.
Chan doesn’t know why he looks up because he always tries to focus solely on the person in front of him determined to beat him. but he does let his eyes flicker up to the stands to see you apologizing to someone moving past you. He's caught off guard by your presence and the right hook that makes his head snap away from you.
the crowd shouts in disapproval as you take your seat. Chan is now bleeding from his nose like every other time you’ve seen him. The droplets of blood fell to his toned stomach each breath pushing the trail of blood further down.
you’ve never been into fighting, not watching or participating but now you’re fully invested. you don’t even want a drink when your friends ask if you need anything. your eyes follow Chan as he delivers hit after hit to the man in front of him. and when they call a winner you’re up out of
your seat cheering along with the rest of the watchers.
“omg is he looking at us? I swear he’s looking right at us,” your friend laughs next to you.
Chan is in fact looking up the stands at you. That dimpled smile on full display after he’s taken his mouth guard out. when he sees you looking back he mouths ‘Wait for me’ and you’re putty. you don’t even try to think that he could have been talking to someone else because you’re delusional enough not to give a fuck.
when you make it down to where Chan is signing autographs you’re a little nervous after how you left things. but that goes away when he grins, split lip reopening. “my favorite medical professional,”
“I thought I warned you not to get your pretty face in the way of someone’s fist?”
“How else am I supposed to see you if I don’t come in needing your assistance?”
the crowd around you is clearing and you’ve already told your friends not to wait on you so when Chan asks, “Can we talk?” nodding his head in the direction of the locker rooms, you don’t turn him down.
He leads you to the hallway just out of the way from everyone else. “I wanted to apologize for the last time I saw you,”
“no no, I should apologize I shouldn’t have given you someone else to work with,”
“no really I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable I swear I was trying really hard not to have any kind of reaction I just-“
“It's okay truly I wasn’t uncomfortable it’s natural although I've never reset someone’s bones and had that happen-“
“I'm sorry,” he chuckles, rubbing at the back of his neck, arm flexing and you realize he’s still shirtless. all finely toned muscles on display the damp towel used to wipe away any blood and sweat thrown over his shoulder. but a spot of blood had been missed right at the band of his shorts. without thinking you reached out to brush it away with your thumb.
Chan and you stood frozen, his breath shallow as he watched your finger wipe at his skin just low enough to send a shiver down his spine.
“Are you doing anything else tonight?” he asks when you pull away.
“you were just in a fight and you still want to go out?”
“with you? yes. With anyone else? no,” you’re standing close together and when someone walks past to reach the locker room door Chan moves in blocking you against the wall. your hand comes up and rests on his ribs, his bruises gone from his first visit only now to be replaced with fresh ones.
he’s leaning down close to you as another person moves around you two to enter the locker room. Chan's breath fanning your ear before he whispers, “We don’t have to go out, we could stay in…”
he technically was not your patient, you weren’t at work and you weren’t obligated to deny yourself anymore. not when Chan was standing here willing and you were wet from just watching him win his match.
“Okay,” your voice was low and weak but all the confirmation Chan needed to pull you along after him.
past the locker rooms are a few offices and Chan knows there’s a secluded restroom right by there. you don’t even think twice as he shuts the door behind you locking it. you’re both on each other the second Chan turns around. hot and heavy kisses down your neck and over your collar as Chan palms your ass over your short skirt. your hands tugging at his hair but not the way Chan likes, “harder,” he breathes between kisses, “I want it to hurt,” and when you do his moan is music to your ears.
Chan walks you back into the wall pressing you against the tile next to the sink.
“When I thought about fucking you I never imagined you dressed like this,” Chan lifts your leg to his hip, hot hand running under your thigh and up under your skirt.
“disappointed we can’t play doctor?”
“I don’t care as long as I finally get to have you,” Chan's free hand slides up under
your shirt palming you over your bra. his mouth is back on yours as he wedges his knee between your legs. his thigh placed right against your clothed clit.
Chan's hand fits right in the pit between your hip and thigh, fingers digging in as he pulls you forward on his thigh.
your hips start to move against him, moaning into his mouth as you rock back and forth against him. “My pretty girl wants me so bad,” he breathes, planting kisses down your jaw. “I can already feel how wet you are for me,”
with anyone else you would have been embarrassed about how needy you were but you didn’t care with Chan. not when he had been on your mind for weeks now, when every time you got off recently you had been imagining Chan's fingers doing the job instead of your own.
Chan taps your other leg muttering, “Jump,” and you follow his orders, Chan moving to set you down on the sink’s countertop. He pulls away, hooking his fingers in your panties and tugging them down your legs. He stays on his knees leaning over to kiss you on your inner thigh. you tug off your shirt tossing it on the counter next to you.
you cup Chan's jaw letting your thumb run over his bruised bottom lip, your finger moves over his nose brushing down the slope. Chan's smile is lazy, his gaze pouring over you. “you’re healing nicely,”
“to have your hands all over me I’d make a million more visits, and,” he lifts himself until his lips are brushing yours, “I love the pain,”
you slip your hand into the waistband of Chan's shorts wrapping your fingers around his stiff length. He moans loudly against your cheek as you stroke him. Chan's hand pushes under your skirt pressing his thumb into your clit, circling slowly.
“I can’t wait anymore,” Chan grunts pushing your skirt up higher around your hips, dragging you closer to the edge of the counter before you remove your hands from his already leaking cock.
Chan pushes down his pants to free himself before he’s lining up with your entrance.
he doesn’t hesitate to thrust in fully pressing his pelvis to yours. both of you moan out your arms wrapping around his shoulders. chan inches out before slowly pushing back in. You whine, laying your head back until it’s laid against the mirror.
you wrap one of your hands around Chan's neck, “is this okay?”
Chan nods, “Harder please harder,” you squeeze enough to make his eyes flutter, the same way they had when you were back in the hospital fixing his nose, his hips finally picking up pace. every drag of his cock makes a bolt travel down from your spine to your knees. your back arching, Chan drags his teeth down your throat.
your free hand scratches down Chan's back and you move your hips to meet his, trying to build any friction.
“you feel so deep,” your voice not sounding like you as Chan angels himself up brushing against your g-spot. your legs wrapped around him shake at the contact, your walls squeezing around his cock.
“I wanna hear you cum for me,” Chan moves his fingers between you rubbing your clit until you see spots, knowing exactly what you needed.
Chan picks up his thrusting pace, punishing you with his cock, tip pressed right against the deepest part of you. “cum inside me please,” you beg, your nails usually nicely kept for work scratching him like they weren’t shortened.
His thrusts falter at your words, his moan in your hair loud and echoing in the small room. “please I want it, I want to feel it,” your fingers around his throat give a squeeze and Chan knows he won’t be able to deny you.
with a few sloppy thrusts, Chan is coming hard enough that his upper half gives out, laying on you. your hands leaving his throat and twisting in his hair as he shoots out ropes of hot cum inside you, hips jerking.
The feeling of his release and his fingers on your clit send you over the edge, your legs locking around him as you cry out his name. Chan's slow thrusts help you ride out your high. both of you panting arms wrapped around each other not wanting to let the other go.
clarity starts to set in as you catch your breath, your hair sticking to the back of
your neck. chan pulls out, the slick sound making you pulse around nothing. Chan watches as your combined cum slides out. He lifts your leg under your thigh using his thumb to spread your pussy lips apart watching as more comes out. “Next time I’m at the hospital I won't be able to forget this,” he drags his thumb up to your clit making you jump. spreading the slick around, “I might even ask for you to treat me this well again,”
