Buffy the Vampire Slayers and all the AUs

Character of Kanika Devan Celeber, my OC, in the verses created by womenofthewhirlwind's mun and Kanika's mun.

[slayerkanika]

/break/

[slayerkanika]

wotwredux:

She’d like to do many things; bake some pies, go ice skating, go to church, knit some jumpers, make love to Kanika, sing some hymns, stab herself, grow some vegetables, go dancing, phone her old friend William and see how he’s been doing, stab herself, start taking harp lessons again, finish that book she started, go on there’s a butcher’s knife in the sink, tell Kanika how much she loves her, see if that old café is still open, watch a ballet, stab herself, go on stab yourself Julia, you’re dirty and bad and full of devil’s spit, DO IT THEN, STAB YOURSELF, YOU CAN’T GO BACK THERE, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR YOU FILTHY, SINFUL SNAKE?

“I’m fine, pony.” She smiled sweetly. “I just want to stay here, with you…”

Nuzzling her nose against hers, Julia told her that she hadn’t been this happy in years.

She wasn’t lying.

When Kan pleaded with her to stop hurting herself Julia’s eyes prickled with tears. If only she could tell her the truth, but how would she believe her over the doctors? And yet, some of the staff treated her not unlike Liam had, once upon a living hell.

“Sugar-coated little vipers…” She whispered before Kan had even finished.

“You would tiptoe past hell giggles every day for me?”

At one point Kanika was barely visiting every month, and that was before her incarceration.

When she called her beautiful, tears rolled down her cheeks. She held her arm up to Kanika’s; the addict’s a labyrinth of collapsed veins, hers a maze of bruises. Both looked so painful.

“Beautiful…” She echoed. “We’re beautiful…”

Liam appeared in the corner of the room. He grinned.

“Oh Jul…” He taunted her in a sing-song voice. “The butcher’s knife is just in the sink…”

Julia tried to ignore him.

Kanika's head didn't have so much going on like Julia's head did. Mostly it was her being desperate about how she will get some money. Where can she search for a job. Weighing pros and cons of trying to get clean (as in prison it was hard to get clean, not when she was surrounded with drug dealers and criminals worse than her).

Sometimes she thought about death. She wondered where it was going to come from. From a needle? Pills swallowed? Something else she snorted or ate?

Or will a bullet pierce her skin?

It didn't matter which gun, though. Whether it was from a cop's or other criminal's, it so didn't matter anymore.

˝Yeah... It's nice bein' with someone you love and all.˝ She smiled, knowing what Jul meant. It would be nice if they could stay here. It would truly be nice to not have any worries and troubles and just... lock themselves out away from this world.

˝I'll make sure you don't stop bein' happy. I promise. I know I fucked up before. I kinda got... back to drugs. But like... worse and all... Upped my shit in everythin', was wastin' fortune on it every day... I could get clean, you know? I could.˝ She wasn't sure how true that was.

Gently, she wiped a tear that fell down Julia's cheek with her thumb. ˝I love you. It's not worth it... The pain... just isn't, you know?˝

Sugar-coated little vipers... What was Julia referring to? Kanika couldn't figure it out.

˝...yeah. I'd walk bravely through anythin'. I promise I'll get better. Okay? I really do.˝

Their arms really looked like hell itself when this close together. ˝...needles and bruises...˝ She mumbled to herself, wondering if there was anything for them in the world out there. Could anyone ever give them a chance?

˝...Jul, you alright? You look... a bit scared and... well, distracted. Is somethin' wrong?˝

[slayerkanika]

Arrested

Kanika was in and out of consciousness for the last few hours. She could remember cops, guns, then fainting. Did she wake up for a few moments when in the car? She felt like that maybe happened, because she could remember bright lights passing them by, and the cold metal of handcuffs digging deep into her skin.

They obviously thought she was a psycho, and they treated her like they thought psychos should be treated. She assumed they dragged her to this holding cell she was still in, because she couldn't remember getting here. At some point, she did wake up.

She wished she hadn't remembered that.

After they realised she was awake, they decided to interrogate her. Of course, she wasn't getting a treatment like other criminals were. She didn't get a lawyer. Instead, she got punches, kicks, and no mercy whatsoever. They kept telling her she was a monster, a murderer, and to tell them where she was hiding some mentally challenged girl that she was apparently torturing by feeding her only with rats.

If they only knew, she thought, but kept silent, not knowing how she could even start to explain things, and more importantly, that she could get Drusilla in danger.

So she kept quiet, tried to shield herself from the assault as best as she could, but of course, a quite sick drug addict could do very little. She didn't know her Slayer powers well, and she had little idea what she was capable of. However, even if she did, the state she was in made it hard to tell whether she'd be capable of fending them off.

They came to her cell a few times and only left when she'd lose consciousness again. Now, she learnt her lesson. She had been awake for almost fifteen minutes now, but didn't move, didn't even open her eyes. Her whole body hurt, and she was certain she had at least one broken rib. Although she wasn't sure when she last counted her teeth, she was quite sure they knocked one out today. Her hand hurt, and she could remember one of the cops stepping repeatedly on it. Probably a broken finger or two. There was also a possibility of one of her legs being broken, because God, did it hurt. Blood was dripping from both her mouth and her ears, and all she could focus on was lying on that cold floor as still as she could, and try not to shake or shiver.

She wasn't sure if she could handle much more of this interrogation. For a moment, she wished that she was black. Then they'd just kill her off, she was sure of it. After all, that's what Americans were doing, wasn't it?

Her head was hurting and she felt dizzy even when lying like this. What made her feel even worse was the sound of footsteps. Someone was coming.

She had to do her best to hold in a sob.

[slayerkanika]

/break/

[slayerkanika]

wotwredux:

In this past day Julia had felt the sun on her skin and Kan’s lips on her own, two synonymous sensations as far as she was concerned. She had been deprived of both for so long, so much so that she was paler than the white walls she’d been trapped in. And yet, she paled more at the thought that this freedom was only temporary, and that on Monday morning Kanika would hand her back to the asylum.

She didn’t ever want to leave her side.

When the staff at Eventide Wellness Centre loaned her to Kanika, they tried to explain away the bruises all over her arms; the patient had slammed herself against a wall in a fit. Julia didn’t argue with this; she knew that if she said anything else she’d have her fingers bent backwards upon return.

She chose not to notice her love’s miscreant behaviour. She chose to see her as a noble steed rescuing her from a tower.

“I’m not asleep, pony.” She whispered, reaching out to kiss her hand. “Bloody isn’t hard. Bloody is slippery, red waters you can gnash your way through. Pitter patter.”

It was her way of trying to comfort her.

“Do you have any more surprises for me tomorrow?” She asked hopefully. Today she had received a huge breakfast in bed.

Kanika did not expect her to be awake. However, the small kiss on her hand made her forget her worries, at least for a moment.

Soon, she was lying next to Julia, their fingers entwined. ˝Well... What would you like to do, love? Just tell me what you'd like and I can get us there or do something so that we can do it.˝

Maybe, if she tried hard enough... Maybe she could find a job, find some place, and maybe... just maybe...

No. No, Julia deserved proper care, meds, doctors, shrinks... All the things she could never afford her.

As she lay there next to her, she once again noticed her bruised arms. Her heart clenched. ˝Jul... T-they told me you were hurtin' yourself and all... I just... You know, is there anythin' I can do to... for you to not do that...? Please? If... If I need to come more often, I will, I promise... I'll write every day even when I do come, and... and I'll do whatever it takes, yeah? Just please... Don't hurt yourself like this... Please...˝ She gently kissed her shoulder, wishing she could show better how much she really loved her. However, her being absent lately did not really help...

˝I love you, Jul... And I think you're beautiful... Okay? I mean, you're beautiful no matter what, even when your arms are bruised like this, b-but it just saddens me, you know?˝

[slayerkanika]

(human verse) The visit to the asylum was going about as well as any visit to the asylum could be expected to. Having served and survived 18 months in prison for petty crimes, it had been a long time since Kanika last visited her poor Julia. "Cobwebs." She mumbled to herself, barely acknowledging the woman stood before her. "So many cobwebs..."

Kanika missed her former friend, girlfriend, whatever Julia was to her. No matter what she was, the young criminal still had feelings for her, despite her own brain telling her it was a bad idea to love a lunatic, and even worse to hope for her recovery. And yet, here she was, visiting, hoping that things got better. ˝Hey… Jul…˝ Carefully, she knelt down so that Jul could look at her. ˝It’s me. Kan. Kanika? Your friend. Do you remember me?˝ She asked gently, her voice soft. Prison hasn’t changed Kanika too much. A part of her had always expected to end up there one day, and maybe that was why she managed to go through it in one piece and with her sanity intact. ˝I’m sorry for not havin’ visited you… I was… away.˝ She tried to explain, talking to her like she would talk to a child.

[slayerkanika]

wotwredux:

“The locked-lipped locksmiths wouldn’t tell me where you were…Wouldn’t whisper a single word on sugared tongue…”

Was this because the staff didn’t bother to find out her whereabouts or was this because the staff simply didn’t bother to tell her? Julia wasn’t sure. She wasn’t sure about a lot of things, half-drowning in a sea of confusion, one shallow enough that she could almost touch the sand beneath with her toes, half-submerged in uncertainty that always threatened to but never quite pulled her under.

When Julia first noticed Kanika’s absence she wondered if she had died. In that case, she could only expect visitation from the poor addict’s ghost. Expecting that to be the case, Julia had gone through a surreal mourning process where she couldn’t leave flowers on her grave or pay her respects to her family or frame old photos to immortalize the mortal on her mantelpiece. She couldn’t do any of those things because she was in an insane asylum, and besides, no one had told her whether or not Kan was dead. Grief was an awful stench of an emotion, like a dead rat lingering beneath the floorboards…But mixing it with hope, hope that Kan could be alive, was maddening.

Then of course there was the second possibility; that Kanika wasn’t dead, but Julia was dead to her. Because who could love a madwoman?

Now, like Lazarus in the Bible Julia always used to read, her love had risen from the dead.

It was enough to drive her insane a second time.

“P-prison? You’ve been in a cage too? Does Angel punish you in there?” She asked through her tears. “Oh, it does not matter! Tick tock, time stops…You’re here now. You’re here now and you’ve come to rescue me!”

Then she heard the world ‘visit’.

Desperately; “Visit? You haven’t come to take me home with you? But Pony, I’ve been suffering, a little blackbird in a pie I am and the knife never cuts deep enough!”

It occurred to her that Kanika might not have a home and then it occurred to her that she did not care. She would go live in the sewers with her if necessary, pillow her head against hard concrete every night rather than stay here without her.

“Pony, you mustn’t let me stay here!”

˝Yeah.... I was arrested kinda suddenly... T'was this whole raid thin' goin' on...˝ She mumbled, not really daring to say how she couldn't remember most of it because at the time, she was high on drugs. When she was thrown into a holding cell or whatever it was, she wanted to call this place and tell them what happened, but she was still too wasted to remember the number.

˝I'm sorry for what I've done... for leavin' you. That was not my intention. That was never my intention. Look, whatever happens, I'll never stop comin', alright? I love you. I love you so much, Jul, and as long as I know you still want me to come here, I'll come.˝ She told her softly, gently stroking her hair in a soothing manner.

She had been sleeping with other women when she felt like it, which wasn't that often, and even in prison she had people she was good with because when it was lonely, they could count on each other. But of course, these were all things she couldn't say to Jul, becuase she knew they'd break her heart. She did only love her, however, and that was not going to change anytime soon.

˝Yeah... It was a bit cage-like...˝ She nodded. ˝But it wasn't some high security shit, so it wasn't that bad. I mean, I'm not that fucked up yet.˝ A joke that lefet a bad taste in her gut, and she regretted saying that. Yet. A part of her already assumed she was not going to figure out how to get better, how to be a better person and stop doing this shit that always landed her amongst people who were anything but good. ˝No... There was no Angel or anythin', but the guards were occasionally cunts... I mean, one time one chick offered them a blow job and obviously she wasn't that good because she ended up with a completely fucked up face and half of her teeth missin'.˝ She realised only after she said that that maybe Julia didn't need to hear these things.

˝...Jul, I'm sorry... B-but they're helpin' you here, aren't they? I mean, they're makin' sure you eat well and... and that you get better. Yeah? They have to. That's why I wanted you to get here. Because I want you to get better and be happy and because I can't take care of you, Jul.˝ She sighed and took Julia's hands in hers. ˝I love you. I just want what's best for you. Stayin' with me... That's... that's not a good idea. I don't think I'm a good person anymore, Jul. I'm a criminal, and yeah, I did... forsake God and all, but he forsook me first.˝

[slayerkanika]

Ghost

June 16th 1999. Zagreb, Croatia.

She didn’t visit him often. Or at least, not to his knowledge. Just on her birthday, his birthday, their anniversary, and the day he made her brains splatter against a wall.

Perhaps she was always with him, and she was just more unsubtle on those days.

He knew he wasn’t going crazy; as Watcher he and Kimberly had encountered ghosts as they would any other demon, and The Council recognised 17 categories of ghost as real and within a Slayer’s duty to fight against.

If anything, he was surprised that more slayers didn’t follow him around after he finished them off.

At 3am he awoke in a cold sweat and went to his en suite to splash cold water on his face. When he got up his pillows were deflated under the weight of his head. When he returned? Freshly plumped. And although Mr Chad only stayed in the best of hotels, he doubted the cleaning ladies were that immaculate.

“I know, Kimberly.” He called out. “It’s your birthday. You committed high treason against The Council and yet you still expect a present. You always were high maintenance.”

He sighed and produced some obscenely expensive jewellery from his suitcase. He left it by the window that had been locked but was now wide open, adjacent to the potted plant that had been on the other side of the room a minute ago.

“Happy 30th. At least now you don’t have to age, Kimberly, It’s quite the ordeal. Now leave. I haven’t the time nor the care to exorcise you myself, so I suggest you depart from this realm of your own accord.”

Or what? a part of him asked himself. You’ll kill her again?

What if she never leaves? What if she come back to haunt you until the end of your life?

…Why hasn’t she moved on to a better place?

Traitor or not, even Mr Chad had a hard time believing heaven would close its doors to her.

Did she choose to stay stranded in the in-between? Out of spite, out of revenge?

Out of love? Which would be more alarming?

She wanted to be evil towards him. She really did. Once or twice she was tempted to throw some of his more important documents out through the window, or to tear them apart...

However, each and every time she decided to do something like that on the days she would usually visit, in the end she wouldn't be able to go through with it.

Today, she was determined to ignore her usual softness and to show him that she was still holding a grudge because of what he did to her. But then, she watched him struggle in his sleep, probably tortured by some nightmare. It was still early in the morning, and she knew he was going to come back to bed after he refreshes himself a bit in the bathroom, so she quickly fixed his pillows a little, wanting him to get some sleep, and opened the window to let some air in, moving a plant as well. It was strange, really, how she could still care for someone like him, even after finding out exactly what he was.

And he knew she was there as well.

˝...I'd rather be alive and with you than have a present...˝ She mumbled, knowing very well he couldn't hear her. During her first few days as a ghost, she was screaming a lot at him, angry, because she didn't understand. She didn't understand what she did wrong. All she wanted was to be happy and to be with him.

He still cared, however. She knew he did. Maybe that was why she stayed, becaushe she hoped that maybe, some day...

No. No, it was impossible. It was all over for them, and she knew that was something she should make peace with.

She observed the jewellery, her dead heart still hurting because of how he broke it, yet she enjoyed even now his gifts, despite not having much use from them. But hey, he cared, so that was something.

˝I can't leave... But thank you for rememberin'.˝ She smiled softly, wishing he could hear her. ˝I love you, Kabi. I really do.˝

[slayerkanika]

Julia had knitted her new friend three Christmas jumpers in textiles class with reindeer and the Three Wise Men and Mother Mary riding a donkey into Bethlehem. "Happy Christmas." She grinned, kissing her on the cheek. "Do you like them?"

Usually, Kanika would scoff a little at anything that had religious imagery plastered upon it, but the jumpers did look quite warm, and as the winter was already here and only getting colder, she was more than thankful for warm pieces of clothing. ˝Thank you.˝ She smiled, blushing slightly as Julia kissed her cheek. ˝I-I love them... They look wonderful a-and warm and fuzzy...˝  She said honestly, before immediately putting one on. She knew that she was probably going to get bullied because of it, but it was better than catching pneumonia or something...

[slayerkanika]

/break/

[slayerkanika]

wotwredux:

In this past day Julia had felt the sun on her skin and Kan’s lips on her own, two synonymous sensations as far as she was concerned. She had been deprived of both for so long, so much so that she was paler than the white walls she’d been trapped in. And yet, she paled more at the thought that this freedom was only temporary, and that on Monday morning Kanika would hand her back to the asylum.

She didn’t ever want to leave her side.

When the staff at Eventide Wellness Centre loaned her to Kanika, they tried to explain away the bruises all over her arms; the patient had slammed herself against a wall in a fit. Julia didn’t argue with this; she knew that if she said anything else she’d have her fingers bent backwards upon return.

She chose not to notice her love’s miscreant behaviour. She chose to see her as a noble steed rescuing her from a tower.

“I’m not asleep, pony.” She whispered, reaching out to kiss her hand. “Bloody isn’t hard. Bloody is slippery, red waters you can gnash your way through. Pitter patter.”

It was her way of trying to comfort her.

“Do you have any more surprises for me tomorrow?” She asked hopefully. Today she had received a huge breakfast in bed.

Kanika believed the doctors. After all, she was an uneducated criminal drug dealer. Why shouldn't she trust people whose job it was to take care after people like Julia?

Even if she lived in a world full of lies and deception, she still believed in goodness in people. Something that no sane person ever should believe in.

It startled her a little when Julia told her she was not asleep. ˝Oh... I'm sorry... Did I wake you? I-I hope I didn't... You looked like you needed some sleep...˝ She said softly. No matter how rough she sometimes got out there on the streets, her voice was still capable of sounding soft and warm.

Gently, she caressed her cheek, wondering if Julia had always been so pale. ˝...blood makes us all alive and all...˝ She mumbled. ˝I know, Jul... It's just... I wish I could take care of you properly, you know? That I could have a home and have you live with me, but I can't.˝ She took in a deep breath. ˝I'm strayin' away, Jul. Again. I don't think I know how to be honest anymore... or how to work at all. I mean, all legal and shit.˝ She sighed. ˝But hey, it doesn't matter. You're out and we should do something about it. How about we go somewhere to morrow? Wherever you feel like going? Or today! Wherever your heart desires, Jul. I heard there was a wonderful place with super nice cakes and stuff like that nearby, so we could maybe check that out, huh?˝

She did want to make Julia happy. She loved her. More than she was ever going to love anyone else. 

To see a smile on Julia’s face made her chest fill with warmth and her lips turn into a smile. 

She liked being good, even if she wasn’t good at it.

[slayerkanika]

/break/

@wotwredux

Kanika wasn't sure how good of an idea this was. She had only been out of prison for two months, and things were already not looking too good for her, and now Julia ended up in all of that as well.

Of course, she liked seeing Julia smile more again, she liked to see a bit of old her back, but taking care of her was hard, especially considering that she was trying to get her life on track, something that she never succeeded before.

Just last night she was trying to make some sort of a deal with a local drug dealer to work for him for a week or so just until she gets on her feet again.

It just didn't feel right. She was packing cocaine in one moment whilst Julia was sleeping in the bed of some motel they were staying in. It just wasn't right.

Kanika was sure she wasn't good enough for Julia, and last thing she wanted was for Julia to get caught up in all of her criminal schemes and plans.

Sighing, she sat down on the bed, not knowing what to do. A part of her did feel like with Jul, she was a better person. Or at least, she was trying to be. But Julia deserved a stable home. Non-stop care. Kanika had neither.

˝...I still love you.˝ She whispered quietly, not wanting to wake her up. ˝I know I'm not showin' it properly, but I am. It's hard, really. Everythin's bloody hard. Sometimes I feel like I wasn't meant to be, you know...? Like world wouldn't have lost anythin' had I died with my parents and all...˝

[slayerkanika]

(human verse) The doctor who visited looked at the two women grimly, one broken in body, the other in mind. Though only 45, Kanika was riddled with tumours, her lungs charred angel's wings, her brain cancerous, her liver blacker than the eternal night she was to stumble into. "I'm afraid your condition is terminal. You have eight months, perhaps a year." Julia didn't seem to understand, and hugged her beloved happily; "See Pony? You're getting better! And just in time for Estella!"

It’s been for a whilst now that she wasn’t feeling well, but she never thought it was anything important. When one day William did talk her into calling a doctor, and overall getting her health checked in a hospital, she reluctantly agreed to it, telling herself that she was going to be fine in the end.

The truth was...

She knew it was going to be bad, but she didn’t know it was going to be this bad.

˝...w-what do you mean? I’ve... I’ve been clean for years now...˝ She whispered when she felt her voice was back again. ˝N-Not now, Jul, I have... I have... Gotta talk to this nice man, yeah?˝ Gently, she pushed her away. ˝Tell me you’re wrong, tell me there’s somethin’ that can be done... I’ve been off drugs f-for years... I-I don’t drink, I just... smoke... b-but... but it should be fixable, yeah? I mean, I don’t give a fuck about my hair, b-but I can’t leave my family alone... I’ll d-do what you tell me to, even give up on smokes, yeah? Just tell me how I can fix myself, j-just... I-I love my life now... I d-don’t wanna die... m-maybe I’m not really coughin’ out blood! M-maybe you just saw wrong and it’s... it’s somethin’ else... maybe you mixed up the files... m-maybe someone else is dyin’ and I’m fine and just down with some fuckin’ flu and will be up and runnin’ about in no time, a-and...˝

However, her panicky rambling was soon interrupted with a coughing fit, and she shook in pain as it rattled through her whole body. When it finally ceased, she glanced at her palm and realised it was bloody. 

˝...I d-don’t wanna die...˝ She whispered, her voice hoarse, quiet... defeated. ˝B-but I guess we wouldn’t be able to a-afford therapies and all that shit anyway, huh?˝ It was a pitiful attempt at a joke and before she could control herself, she broke down in sobs. 

[slayerkanika]

(human verse) The visit to the asylum was going about as well as any visit to the asylum could be expected to. Having served and survived 18 months in prison for petty crimes, it had been a long time since Kanika last visited her poor Julia. "Cobwebs." She mumbled to herself, barely acknowledging the woman stood before her. "So many cobwebs..."

Kanika missed her former friend, girlfriend, whatever Julia was to her. No matter what she was, the young criminal still had feelings for her, despite her own brain telling her it was a bad idea to love a lunatic, and even worse to hope for her recovery. And yet, here she was, visiting, hoping that things got better. ˝Hey… Jul…˝ Carefully, she knelt down so that Jul could look at her. ˝It’s me. Kan. Kanika? Your friend. Do you remember me?˝ She asked gently, her voice soft. Prison hasn’t changed Kanika too much. A part of her had always expected to end up there one day, and maybe that was why she managed to go through it in one piece and with her sanity intact. ˝I’m sorry for not havin’ visited you… I was… away.˝ She tried to explain, talking to her like she would talk to a child.

[wotwredux]

She nodded, not really taking any of it in. People talked to her so little that her own tongue had almost become a foreign language.

“The prodigal pony clip clops into my humble home.” She forced a jagged smile. “I suppose she’ll like a tour. Over here is where Miss Edith and William live…They are ever so clever, and they’re growing up so fast.”

In one corner of the room, two porcelain dolls sat with an empty tea set.

She then pointed to another corner labelled the garden, another Christened the kitchen, a padded wall substituting for a window.

“That’s where My Angel Liam appears when I’m to be punished.” She gestured to the space under her bed. “Brimstone at the pit of my tummy.”

She babbled on and on and on, and not everything she said made any sense, but Julia didn’t care for good conversational etiquette anymore…She was probably just talking to herself anyway, and she deserved nothing even approaching politeness.

Then Kanika touched her.

Silence.

Then Julia erupted into sobs, falling to her knees, falling at Kanika’s feet.

She collapsed into her arms, heaving with sobs.

“Kanika…”

[slayerkanika]

Kanika didn't know what to say or what to do. She listened to what Julia had to say, figuring that not many people did that. Nothing made sense. Absolutely nothing at all. But the truth was, Kanika missed it. Kanika missed Julia's voice, her ramblings, and even though it hurt to know that her very good friend was probably never going to recover, Julia's insanity became a part of Julia and Kanika figured that loving Jul meant that she had to deal with the insanity as well.

It hurt that she still missed Edith and William, and maybe even convinced herself that these dolls were real. Of course, some things made no sense. How could Liam appear under her bed? It was definitely her insanity talking...

At first, Kanika thought that maybe she shouldn't have touched her, that it was a bad idea. The silence that followed at first confirmed her doubts, but then Julia started sobbing and suddenly, Kanika found herself with her arms full of a broken, insane, sobbing woman.

˝Y-yes... yes, it's me. It's really me. I am so sorry, Jul... I ended up in prison, a-and I couldn't visit... I wish I could've, love, I really do...˝ She said gently, not really sure how to deal with all this. ˝I love you, okay? And now I'll visit you whenever I can, I promise. I won't end up in prison again.˝ That was something she didn't really know for sure, and indeed, in a few years Kanika would herself behind prison bars yet again, something that she couldn't have known now. ˝I love you... I'm back, and I'll be comin' all the time, okay?˝

[slayerkanika]

With a balcony overlooking all of Kensington, an ornate tea set, and a book case to rival the Library of Alexandria, Mr Chad had a beautiful office. There was a photo frame him with a woman, her smiling at the camera, him typically stoic. He also had a picture of his sister sitting down with a pile of paperwork, a determined glint in her eye. "Kanika, I'm afraid I've received word from America that our good friend Doctor Ackermann has cancer. Perhaps terminal cancer."

Kanika has progressed quite a lot under Chad, even if she didn’t want to admit it sometimes. She became faster, quicker when it came to thinking a way out and improvising, and there quite a few more weapons that she had mastered. However, she sometimes still had problems sleeping because of what she had done, and there were nights when she’d just sit on the windowsill, chainsmoking, and observing the world that seemed so oblivious to the monsters lurking in the dark. When Chad called her to his office, at first she thought he was going to scold her like he did last time when he found an ashtray hidden under her bed.

When she heard the news, however, she was heartbroken. Speechless for a few moments, in disbelief. ˝…w-what? No… No, it can’t be…˝ She whispered, shaking her head. ˝…I have to see him. I have to visit him. I-I… Fuck, I have to p-pack…˝ She didn’t even think about asking for a permission. This was too important to be bothered with procedures and permissions. Just too important.

[slayerkanika]

wotwredux:

Measuredly; “Not all coping mechanisms are effective, not all coping mechanisms are healthy, and no coping mechanism is above reproach. I have known Doctor Ackermann for many years, longer than you, and he understood the damage he was doing to his body. He is the author of his own destruction, as you seem intent on being.”

He leered over her as she sunk to the ground, his expression stern.

“You’re lucky you have a chance to say goodbye, that you’ve been offered a warning, an opportunity to pay your final respects. Most are not so fortunate… Usually when people leave us, they do so without a farewell. You’re being a given a chance at farewell, but the longer you dawdle in regards to Drusilla, the less time you’ll have with him.” He stated coldly. “If the grief you feel for an old man is unbearable, think of what it’ll be like for the families of Drusilla’s potential victims. Many of them will be young, healthy, have futures ahead of them…You cannot save Doctor Ackermann. But you have an opportunity to save people here.”

Quietly; “You know what happened to my sister, I presume. And to Doctor Ackermann’s very own daughter. You are The Slayer. There is no one else.”

˝Sometimes nothin' else works, alright? Someone people break down. They break down, they reach for whatever shit helps them deal. Sometimes self-destruction is better than facin' reality, loneliness, bein' a fuck up that no one fuckin' cares for, a-and...˝ She wasn't sure when she stopped talking about doc and started talking about herself, but it happened. Not used to spilling her heart out to Chad, she shut up, doubting he'd understand anyway. ˝Just forget it... and at least I don't have to worry about my health... not like I'll live long enough to get cancer...˝

She didn't care about anyone else but doc now. It was selfish, and she knew it, but she couldn't help it. ˝...I don't know people Dru might kill... but I love doc... it's... it's hardly comparable...˝ She whispered, knowing that her words will probably make him angry. ˝If I had to choose between doc and someone else, I'd choose doc... You know this... It's not comparable...˝

Yes, she knew what happened to them. And a part of her did immediately feel guilty about it. ˝C-can I phone doc before I go? P-Please? I need to know how he's doin' before goin' out after Dru. I have to...˝ A part of her did always consider a possibility of dying on the job, and now more than ever did she think of it, so the need to phone doc was of course there. If something were to happen to her, she wanted him to know that she wanted to visit, she wanted him to know how much he meant to her.

[slayerkanika]

With a balcony overlooking all of Kensington, an ornate tea set, and a book case to rival the Library of Alexandria, Mr Chad had a beautiful office. There was a photo frame him with a woman, her smiling at the camera, him typically stoic. He also had a picture of his sister sitting down with a pile of paperwork, a determined glint in her eye. "Kanika, I'm afraid I've received word from America that our good friend Doctor Ackermann has cancer. Perhaps terminal cancer."

Kanika has progressed quite a lot under Chad, even if she didn’t want to admit it sometimes. She became faster, quicker when it came to thinking a way out and improvising, and there quite a few more weapons that she had mastered. However, she sometimes still had problems sleeping because of what she had done, and there were nights when she’d just sit on the windowsill, chainsmoking, and observing the world that seemed so oblivious to the monsters lurking in the dark. When Chad called her to his office, at first she thought he was going to scold her like he did last time when he found an ashtray hidden under her bed.

When she heard the news, however, she was heartbroken. Speechless for a few moments, in disbelief. ˝…w-what? No… No, it can’t be…˝ She whispered, shaking her head. ˝…I have to see him. I have to visit him. I-I… Fuck, I have to p-pack…˝ She didn’t even think about asking for a permission. This was too important to be bothered with procedures and permissions. Just too important.

[wotwredux]

“Yes, well, a lifetime of chain-smoking couldn’t have been helpful. Were he a real doctor he would have known that.” He said, chiding him from across an ocean. Should the poor man die, Mr Chad would likely criticize him from across the temporal planes too. “I’m very sorry to hear he’s fallen ill. I would be happy to escort you to visit him. But I’m afraid we cannot go just yet. It is impermissible.”

For a split second, his eyes wandered wistfully to the pictures on his desk.

“Unfortunately, Drusilla has broken free. A scientist working on the project- who has since been terminated from employment - was hypnotised by her and she escaped. She is likely loose around Kensington, and I’d like you to fetch her for me. Unharmed…Actually, I just mean alive. As alive as her kind are capable of being. Don’t worry about unharmed.”

Terminating Dr Fisher had been a waste of a perfectly good bullet, frankly. Letting his white whale go had deemed him unworthy of anything, unworthy even of the piece of metal in his skull. And all the paperwork he caused for him with The Council…

“After that, I swear we shall visit Doctor Ackermann.”

[slayerkanika]

˝You can't fuckin' cricise him for that! C'mon, man, you know I smoke. It's how some people deal, yeah? For fuck's sake...˝ It was obvious that these news hit her hard, and her eyes were already filled with tears.

She couldn't care less for Drusilla right now, or for anyone else for that matter. Her good friend was dying, her father figure, a person that literally got her out of sewers...

All this was too much for her, and she felt dizzy. She leaned on the wall, but it wasn't enough, and she just slid down on the floor, her knees giving in. ˝...why is everyone leavin' me...˝ She whispered, more to herself than to Chad.

How could she care about Drusilla after finding out these news? How could she care about anything? All she wanted was to go upstairs and pack and be on the first plane to USA. She had no time hunting down dumb psycho vampires who lost their minds before they lost their lives as well. ˝I-I can't right now...˝ She mumbled, reduced to a mess. Unfocused like this, there were better chances of her being killed by a regular vampire than hunting down Drusilla. ˝C-can't someone else handle Dru? There must be someone else...˝

[slayerkanika]

With a balcony overlooking all of Kensington, an ornate tea set, and a book case to rival the Library of Alexandria, Mr Chad had a beautiful office. There was a photo frame him with a woman, her smiling at the camera, him typically stoic. He also had a picture of his sister sitting down with a pile of paperwork, a determined glint in her eye. "Kanika, I'm afraid I've received word from America that our good friend Doctor Ackermann has cancer. Perhaps terminal cancer."

Kanika has progressed quite a lot under Chad, even if she didn't want to admit it sometimes. She became faster, quicker when it came to thinking a way out and improvising, and there quite a few more weapons that she had mastered. However, she sometimes still had problems sleeping because of what she had done, and there were nights when she'd just sit on the windowsill, chainsmoking, and observing the world that seemed so oblivious to the monsters lurking in the dark. When Chad called her to his office, at first she thought he was going to scold her like he did last time when he found an ashtray hidden under her bed.

When she heard the news, however, she was heartbroken. Speechless for a few moments, in disbelief. ˝...w-what? No... No, it can't be...˝ She whispered, shaking her head. ˝...I have to see him. I have to visit him. I-I... Fuck, I have to p-pack...˝ She didn't even think about asking for a permission. This was too important to be bothered with procedures and permissions. Just too important.

[slayerkanika]

Confess your sins

To be caught up in The Whirlwind was worse than being caught up in a literal one.

Julia- a captive of the cartel - was so used to the sound of her own cries that it took her a second to realize that these weren’t hers, but Kanika’s.

Cautiously approaching the young addict, she gently tapped her shoulder; “Shh, shh, no tears. These don’t turn to pearls or earls. Just salt.”

And with that, she hugged her, holding her shaking frame as she wept and wept and wept.

“We just need to go to confession. Be cleaned of our sins. Yes, yes, yes…Bone can never be flesh again. Only in God.”

Was that the religious dogma or the horse tranquilizers talking?

Maybe she could've left. Maybe she should've listened to Darla's advice when she first met her. Even back when she first met Liam, every instinct in her body was telling her that staying was a bad idea. And yet, she was comfortable with dulling all that down with needles in her veins and whatever drug she could get in her system.

Slowly, she was realising that what she got herself into was far, far worse than she thought.

She never thought she'd be involved in shootouts.

How she managed to get out of it alive was beyond her. One bullet grazed her, but apart from that, she was not hurt. Needing some time alone to recover, she decided to lock herself up with Julia, too scared to leave the crackhouse, fearing someone might try to gun her down on the way home. She's seen the Godfather and new very well that her car wasn't that safe either.

The shock she was in did help her stay calm and collected during the shootout, but when things were done, she started being very well aware of everything, from someone's blood on her clothes, to the fact she did fire her gun. Did she kill someone? She couldn't remember. All she could remember was hiding behind one sofa and firing back every now and then.

She wasn't sure when she stopped gripping the now empty gun like her life depended on it and threw it against the wall, nor could she remember when exactly she decided to hide with Julia until she calms down. Somewhere on the verge of a very, very late panic attack, she was sobbing, crying, wondering how could she mess up things so badly in her life.

At first, when she felt thin arms around herself, she panicked, not having expected it. It was just Julia, she reminded herself, and took as much comfort from that hug as she could, barely able to follow her rambling.

˝...God can't help us...˝ She managed to mumble back, shaking. It was a long time since she last felt this hopeless.

[slayerkanika]

(apocalypse verse) Kabir Chad was sat drinking tea in a room adorned with antique swords, axes, crossbows, hammers, and scythes. Such a typical watcher. "Welcome to your first training session, Kanika, I do so hope you'll enjoy it." He said cordially, before putting down his tea, grabbing her in a headlock, and effortlessly throwing her to the ground, all without leaving a scratch on her. "Your job is to defeat me. Good luck."

Kanika wasn’t sure what she thought of this man yet. There was no doubt she’d like him less than doc, no matter how good he might be. Doc was something else, she decided, and nothing could beat that.Now that she was standing in this room full of weapons hanging on the walls, she did have to admit that his collection was definitely bigger than doc’s. Still, weapons meant nothing, and it was all about who was wielding them. ˝…right…˝ She mumbled beneath her voice, doubting she’d enjoy this training. Her eyes were focused on the teacup that he put down for a fragment of a second, and in the next moment, she was on the ground, her neck aching slightly. 

˝What the fuckin’ hell was that?!˝ She asked, her voice a mix of confusion and admiration. ˝Holy shit, that was good…˝ Slowly, she got up on her feet, and stretched her neck a little, trying not to think how a human person could throw her, a Slayer, on the ground with so much ease. ˝I was just distracted, that’s all… Won’t happen again.˝ And with that, she threw a punch, aiming at his stomach. It was a quick attack, as she did move quicker than a normal human did.

[wotwredux]

“An admirable annoyance.”

It was how he’d come to see Kanika as a whole, in retrospect. A noble nuisance. An honourable pain in his ass. A disaster he could respect, like the forces of nature, hurricanes and tsunamis and earthquakes all sealed within one wild-haired, wild-eyed warrior.

“Yes, I heard.” He said delicately. “I’m glad you are up to performing your duties now, Kanika. I can assure you, the remorse lessens with each passing day. One day you won’t feel anything at all.”

He intended such a speech to be consoling, though any meagre comfort that could be gleaned from it curdled with the flat monotone of his voice.

“Again, I’m sure he’s a good father figure and a good psychiatrist. But that isn’t what he’s paid for.”

The ghost of a grimace appeared on his face as she asked that question. The same expression he would’ve made if Kanika did take that opportunity to strike him off-guard.

“It’s an engagement ring.” He answered quietly.

He didn’t elaborate any further.

“Well, that’s exactly it, Kanika.” He chided the unkempt Slayer. “You should’ve taken the opportunity to combat me. There’s no room for mercy or sentimentality in your line of work. There are but two types of people in our world; the hard-hearted…And the dead.”

He grabbed a Japanese throwing star off the wall and threw it at Kanika’s jugular, testing her reflexes. It was about time The Council stopped coddling her.

“You should’ve been resourceful and made use of what’s around you.”

He took a hammer and swung it at her in a well-rehearsed fashion.

“You should’ve reminded yourself that I am your enemy, and you yourself are your only ally.”

He kicked Kanika’s stomach.

“You should’ve taken advantage of my moment of weakness.”

[slayerkanika]

She didn't know how she felt about his words. Was it supposed to be more like a praise or an insult? She never really managed to find an answer to that.

What he said about remorse did grip her, however. And she knew what he meant. Sometimes, there were days when she wasn't sure if it even happened. But usually, that wouldn't last for long, and she'd wake up one night that same week reliving brutal fragments of her memory of murdering that man.

There was no way she could ignore his monotone cold voice, the fact that he probably knew from experience what it felt like to stop feeling things. He was an incredibly cold man, that much she figured out from the very first moment she met him. Somehow, she wouldn't put it past him to be able to murder people.

˝...guess I'll have had both of best then. Him a good father figure and a doc, and you a hardcore watcher.˝ She shrugged.

So, did the girl leave him? She had so much more to ask. So many questions immediately popped in her head that she couldn't decide which one to ask first. And that was how she lost the moment when maybe she could've found out more about her watcher.

˝Well, yeah, but you're my watcher... I'm not goin' to murder you whilst you're pickin' up your ring...˝ She started to talk, and then she realised he wasn't kidding. He wanted her to be brutal. Cruel. Merciless. Always ready. It was only because of her good reflexes that she managed to duck in time and not end up with her throat cut by that shuriken.

˝I wasn't thinkin' you'd-˝ Again, she had no time to finish, and she quickly grabbed a nearby coffee-table to use as a shield as he swung that hammer at her. To her surprise, that table did crack, and she threw it away, figuring it wasn't usable anymore, and in that moment of not being careful enough, she felt pain the pain in her stomach. It wasn't enough to bring her on her knees, but she still stumbled a little. She wanted to end this, and something was telling her he wasn't going to stop with this training unless she stops him. As quickly as she could she reached that now somewhat broken coffee table, and threw it at her new watcher, this time aiming to hurt him. If that was what it was going to take, then fine, be it, she will show him how cold she can be.

Before she checked whether he was hurt or not, she already grabbed a bottle of burboun from a nearby shelf, and broke it against the wall, so that she was left only with a very sharp pieces of the bottle, something she knew from the experience could work better than any knife.

˝...fuckin' stop...˝ She muttered, not sure to whom exactly. A part of her didn't want to just let go and become a murderous unhinged teenager again, something she felt he could be able to bring out in her. And another part of her, the Slayer part, felt like this was a natural state to her. The pain, the urge to kill, to hunt, the whirlwind of life and death...

...and she was scared of that part of herself.

[slayerkanika]

Family verse // btvs

@wotwredux @drusillathekiller

Kanika Devan Celeber never knew what it was like to be rich, but she knew that it was nothing compared to having a happy family. And she had one. It was a small family, as she had no brothers or sisters, but she was happy, and that was the most important thing in the world.

They didn't have too much money, but there hasn't been a day that she spent starving, or that it affected her in any way. She never fancied expensive things anyway. In fact, torn jeans and old t-shirts with names and images of her favourite bands were exactly what she thought fit her best.

In school she did alright. She was far from being an A+ student, but she was trying hard, despite her dyslexia. Thankfully, her parents noticed it early on and after a talk with her teacher back in first grade, they made it possible that she got more help and patience than other kids. Although she still sometimes struggled to read longer words, it was hardly noticable anymore.

She was now in Year 10, doing just as good as other teenagers her age. Her friends were always there if she ended up struggling with something, and usually it would be some harder task in math, but after some help, she always would've managed to understand it and solve it in the end.

The life she led was normal. Her parents loved her and she wouldn't trade them for all the gold in this world (although she was still not ready to tell them about being a lesbian).

One day she came home a bit late, as she stayed with her friends after school, but still just in time for dinner.

˝How was school?˝ Her dad asked her when she sat down to eat, hoping evereything was alright.

˝T'was good. Couldn't answer one question in history, though... But then Matej whispered the answer, so it was all good.˝ She said in short, not feeling like going into details about today, being way too hungry.

˝...Matej... Is that the kid that smokes?˝ Her mother asked, somewhat worried. However, she did trust her daughter to know who should be her friend and who shouldn't.

˝Yeah, mum, but he's not pushing me into it or anything, it's all good. 'Sides, he's from somewhere in Balkans... That former Yugoslavia thing? And yeah, everyone smokes there, apparently. At least that's what he told me. So I guess that can be somewhat considered their tradition or something.˝ She shrugged, and focused back on her food. She really liked roast chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy, although she never had the heart to tell her mum a place near her school did it slightly better.

˝Okay. You know we just worry...˝ Her mother smiled at her and Kanika returned the smile, although slightly clumsily because her mouth was full of food.

When she finally swallowed, she nodded. ˝I know, mum. Really. You're overprotective sometimes, you know? I mean, I'm capable of handling things. You said so yourself when you saw my grades last year. And I am doing alright with piano classes and stuff. Others are not that good at it.˝ She grinned, proud of herself.

Daniel, her father, went to reply something, but was interrupted when the doorbell rang. ˝...who could it be?˝ He mumbled to himself as he stood up and went to open them. ˝Yes?˝

[slayerkanika]

(apocalypse verse) Kabir Chad was sat drinking tea in a room adorned with antique swords, axes, crossbows, hammers, and scythes. Such a typical watcher. "Welcome to your first training session, Kanika, I do so hope you'll enjoy it." He said cordially, before putting down his tea, grabbing her in a headlock, and effortlessly throwing her to the ground, all without leaving a scratch on her. "Your job is to defeat me. Good luck."

Kanika wasn’t sure what she thought of this man yet. There was no doubt she’d like him less than doc, no matter how good he might be. Doc was something else, she decided, and nothing could beat that.Now that she was standing in this room full of weapons hanging on the walls, she did have to admit that his collection was definitely bigger than doc’s. Still, weapons meant nothing, and it was all about who was wielding them. ˝…right…˝ She mumbled beneath her voice, doubting she’d enjoy this training. Her eyes were focused on the teacup that he put down for a fragment of a second, and in the next moment, she was on the ground, her neck aching slightly. 

˝What the fuckin’ hell was that?!˝ She asked, her voice a mix of confusion and admiration. ˝Holy shit, that was good…˝ Slowly, she got up on her feet, and stretched her neck a little, trying not to think how a human person could throw her, a Slayer, on the ground with so much ease. ˝I was just distracted, that’s all… Won’t happen again.˝ And with that, she threw a punch, aiming at his stomach. It was a quick attack, as she did move quicker than a normal human did.

[wotwredux]

Dryly; “You’re not giving me the most commendable review of your character.”

And so Mr Chad learnt of his Slayer’s fighting style; instinctive, spontaneous. The only thing her opponents could hope to predict would be her unpredictability. Of course, he was confident that the more he trained with her, the more he’d be able to observe common patterns, but as for her enemies, as for demons? They wouldn’t get an opportunity to fight her twice.

“Yes, yes, I don’t doubt he’s a good man.” He dismissed her protests. “I’m more concerned with whether he’s a good watcher.”

He frowned at her improper manner of speech, and his frown only deepened when she caught the rapier in her hands. She was talented.

His mind flashed back to Alvita Petiday, Haiti, 1985. Had she caught that sword in her hands as Kanika had…

What a curious thought, that he could’ve easily died.

When the weapon fell from his hands, so did his usually secure ring…

Distracted for a second, he picked it up from the ground and placed it snugly back on his finger, giving Kanika a chance to attack. It was a plain silver band, removed only to be polished from time to time. The last time he came close to losing it was in France, 1998, when a potential Slayer nearly caused it to roll down into a drain…He could forgive her attempts on his life (after all, such impoliteness was hardly unrequited), but not that. He made certain to shoot her in the stomach as opposed to the brain, such was his rancour.

“Your technique is lacking somewhat, Miss Celeber.”

[slayerkanika]

˝I'm sayin' the truth. So you got one trait of mine as well. 'Honesty'.˝ She grinned, not really caring what review she was going to get. Compared to a few months ago, she was a wonderful person who should have everyone look up to them.

Kanika did fight with instincts. Her mind was quick and she always made up attacks just a fragment of a second before doing them. In alleys during her patrolls, she often used whatever she could put her hands on as a weapon in case some lucky vampire did manage to miraculously disarm her. Her feeling of how to strike was indeed very good, which she actually proved by killing a man even when very drunk and high, something that she hated herself for and decided to stop thinking about it.

˝He was a good watcher for me. Look, man, I get it. You think I'm a loose cannon or some shit and think I need to have a leash around my neck or somethin', yeah? But not really. I needed someone softer, man. I was a mess. A sobbin', bawlin' piece of shit that wanted to die. I'd argue that doc was exactly what I needed.˝ She protested again, argumenting her claim just fine. There was no doubt she was much smarter than anyone else might think during first impression.

When she heard a metal ring cling as it hit the ground, Kanika stopped attacking, her attention shifted elsewhere. In a normal fight against a vampire or some demon, she would've used this moment to attack, but during training, it just seemed unfair.

Her mind took a few seconds to figure out what that ring meant, however. Somehow, she never thought Chad would be a family type. ˝...I had no idea you were married...˝ She mumbled. ˝That's it, yeah? That's why you have a ring, isn't it?˝

When he commented on her tehnique, she frowned, not knowing what she did wrong. ˝I disarmed you. With ease. And if you were my enemy, I would've killed you now when you got distracted by your shiny jewellry. So, I think I did an alright job. What do you think I should improve?˝