Single Lady Chronicles

For the days it gets a little awkward...

[slchronicles]

Wife material

That awkward moment when a random conversation with a guy gets to this point.

Him: How come you are not seeing anyone?

You: Umm...

Him: It probably not the right time yet, huh?

You: Well...

Him: The good thing is that when you do start seeing someone they will not have a hard time because you are wife material

You look at the guy and realize he is also single and is in no way intending to make you his wife. But you are wife material right?

[slchronicles]

She ain't got no money in the bank

That awkward moment when asks you to lend them some money.

Her: I promise I will pay you back. I am just waiting for a deal to mature but I have an emergency I have to handle now.

You: I don’t have any money

Her: Where does your money go? At least I have school fees I am paying and other mouths to feed at home...

And you know whichever way you try to argue this out you will always appear on the side of the argument that makes you selfish or careless with your money.

You: If I had I would have given you...

Her: I wish I were you. I would never have a problem with money..

You:

You genuinely get where someone is coming from when they say that. At the same time you also wonder if you should live on a tree and eat soil or not help out your parents with cash or you should quit paying school fees for your younger siblings or you should decline paying off your student loan and taxes.

[slchronicles]

Busy bee

That awkward moment when you are planning for a hang out with a pal and you cannot lock down on a date

Her: How’s tomorrow?

You: Busy

Her: Monday?

You: I have an appointment..

Her: Next Thursday?

You: I can’t...

Her: Why are you so busy? It is not like you are dating, married or have children so what do you do with your time?

You:

Wonder why people find it hard to believe that you have actual responsibilities in life if you are not in a relationship

[slchronicles]

Mistaken identity

Awkward moment when you walk next to a group of your lady friends who are talking and giggling while looking in your direction. There is the knowing look on their faces and perhaps today is the day they notice your designer lipstick.

The ladies: Hiiii.

They greet you in unison

You: Hi.

You respond and you feel compelled to walk towards them and you do so.

Lady friend 1: I noticed that you have been hanging out with that guy

You: Uh...huh?

Lady friend 2: Aaaand you two look so good together

You: Ummmm..

Lady friend 2: You should probably be dating

Suddenly it dawns on you how wrong this conversation can go and you try to move it along as swiftly as you can.

You: There is no way that it can happen...

Lady friend 3: Sure it can. It happened the same way with me and...

You: Trust me. It cannot happen

Lady friend 4: You just need to believe in yourself that is all. I remember being so awkward with my man but look how things turned out.

You: I am really encouraged ladies but on a serious note there is no way...

And suddenly they start a conversation among themselves about you but not really looking for a response from you

Lady friend 1: Maybe you are afraid of scaring him away...

Lady friend 2: Or perhaps you think it is too soon...

Lady friend 3: My friend told me that guys like him...

Lady friend 4: Perhaps we can talk to him for you?

They all look at you with expectant eyes.

You: Absolutely not.

Lady friend 2: Don’t worry. We will not be so obvious about it..

You: Just don’t

Lady friend 4: But the way he looks at you. It is just meant to be.

You: He is interested in someone else.

The ladies: Ohhhh

Lady friend 3: I am so sorry. Don’t worry. You will find someone.

You: Ummm...thanks?!?

And you are left fiddling with your thumbs because for some odd reason even though you were not worried or looking for someone you find yourself facing the reality of a normal friendship becoming awkward. You suddenly feel like you lost out on a relationship that you never thought of in the first place. Thanks.

[slchronicles]

Hangout time

That awkward moment when you are with a group of friends hanging out. And you find out that you are not third wheeling but like 7th or 9th wheeling and you don’t notice until you settle down to eat.

The friends: Don’t you hate it when you partner does this?

The other friends: Oh my gosh! I know right? Like why would they do that?

The accused: But it makes logical sense to do that. What we don’t understand is why it bugs you.

The friends: But that is just weird whichever way you look at it.

You: I like steak too. All the redness of the meat is so tantalizing.

And suddenly your presence is recognized and no one knows what to do with you.

The friends: So...

The other friends: So...

The accused: So...

You:

You think of running away but the meal arrives. Scent is so good, plus it has the much added nutrients to power your brain so that you can think of how you can leave without it making it look awkward and you vow not to do that again...until it happens again. And of course you notice it too late.

[slchronicles]

When its broken

That awkward moment when one of your friends come over to your house and the toilet has a major leak

Her: I think your toilet is broken

You: Let me check that out.

Her: I think we should call a guy to...

You go and get a toolbox and start taking the cistern apart as she watches bewildered.

You: Found it. It was the bottle trap that was not regulating the flow of water therefore when the cistern was full it...

You turn to her and realize she somehow is not able to take in what just happened.

Her: And you fixed it yourself?

You: Yup. It’s no big deal it was just a matter of...

Her: Normally my husband does that sort of thing.

Then Mr. Akward silence makes his grand entry and you can almost hear the trumpet blow before she says

Her: I am so sorry what I meant to say is..

You: It’s fine.

In your heart you know it is fine and you know making a big deal out of that is not worth more than the friendship you have but there are days some of these things just get to you.

[slchronicles]

The secret

That awkward moment when one of your close guy friends is someone you like and has good news of a particular kind to tell you

You: You look pretty excited today. In fact you have been like this for a while. What has happened to you lately?

Him: Nothing

You: Spill it.

Him: I wanted to tell you something and I was waiting for the right time...

You: Uh huh...

Him: So there is a girl, and I have known her for a while and I am thinking of asking her out.

Your heart races, you fidget uncomfortably and cross your fingers but somehow you are sure it is...

Him: I met her in the bus

You remember distinctly that the first time you met was NOT in a bus and you swallow the emotion that wants to rush up to your face.

Him: And she is so beautiful and we just clicked. We got off the bus and we talked for nearly 2 hours.

You remember having a 3 hour conversation when you first met but who is counting right?

Him: And I loved how easily approachable she is. She was in faded blue jeans, a black tee and hair held in a ponytail and it is so amazing that she is not obsessed with make-up and her outward appearance like most girls are these days...

He continues to narrate his encounter excitedly as you look at your t-shirt and jeans and you hold the tip of your ponytail in your hand wondering what could have gone wrong.

Him: So what do you think? She sounds like a great girl right?

You: Umm yeah sure...

Him: And she...

Does not know how badly you want to punch her in the face. But life is what it is

You: I am really happy for you.

And you genuinely are although a few bruises on someone’s face would not be such a bad idea and you wonder why you bothered to ask him why he was so happy.

[slchronicles]

Celery what?

Awkward moment when a group of people come over to your house and one of them happens to be someone you have a major crush and is a health freak. After a couple of laughs he goes into the kitchen, opens the fridge to look for a drink. Luckily you just stocked up on mineral water, fresh juices and the like.

Him: So what is this?

He asks in a slightly accusatory tone

You: What are you referring to? The celery or...

Him: I know what celery is. I am asking about this.

(He yanks out a bottle of coke)

Him: Do you actually drink this?

He says in a severely disappointed tone and you have to think fast.

You: No I don’t

Him: Really? Then what is it doing in your fridge?

Light bulb moment comes on and...

You: That is not coke (you laugh awkwardly). It is ummm...diluted soy sauce.

He raises his eyebrows in surprise. You know he is not going to fall for it.

You: Okay. I was embarrassed to say this but I keep a bottle of coke in case of a fire

Him: A what?

You: A fire. It acts as a fire extinguisher.

Him: Oh Okay. That probably explains all 5 bottles of them stashed at the back.

You: Totally.

You both laugh and move on to another conversation and you whisper to yourself

You: Thank you YouTube for random things coke can do

Him: What did you say?

You: Nothing (awkward laugh)