STEPHANIE

[sle0924-blog]

10.09.2019

I haven't posted on here in a few months and everything in my life is actually going much better. The friend I mentioned in my last post is doing a lot better in her life but our friendship is not the same. I just do not tolerate hurting anyone physically and it is taking me some time to get over it. I moved into a new apartment in September and things are just getting better. My relationship is improving and I never thought it would. I am happy where I am and it has been fun getting this new apartment together and making it into a home. ❤

[sle0924-blog]

07.16.2019

About a month ago one of my best friends did something I could not forgive for. I tried to put it in the past and leave it there but then it happened again 2 days later. I won't go into details but tonight I started to write a 'goodbye' letter. She hasn't reached out to me since the 4th of July but then again I didn't answer her calls or messages before that. It has been almost a month now that I haven't spoken to her but I think mentally it has been better for me. There was always drama surrounding her and I think that was the last straw and I had to cut ties. Will I ever finish writing this letter? Will I ever send it if I do finish it? I have no idea what I want to do with it yet but I think it's healthy to write down thoughts and feelings even if no one ever reads it but you. I am so glad I decided to create a Tumblr again because I enjoy posting things that inspire me, brighten my day, or things I can relate to. I needed an outlet and I feel that Tumblr was the best way. I miss her but I hope that my x bestie finds her happiness and continues to do well in life. xo.

[sle0924-blog]

Is it wrong?

I really do not like being a mean person at all. I am someone full of love to give to everyone around me. But when someone literally continues pushing, I turn into a really cold person. I start throwing an attitude left and right, I’m just plain mean. I don’t care when they try to talk to me... and I don’t like it when I become this person. But if they fuck with me mentally and emotionally til I’m pushed so far that I have no other choice but to just be an asshole, am I wrong at that point? Being this mean person is not who I am but I feel like if someone continues to push you and whatnot then you don’t have to be nice anymore. I’m trying my best to avoid the entire situation and move on with my life but it is difficult when you are tied to certain bills together until it’s done and paid off. I tried to be civil, be a friend, etc but I can’t be forced into a relationship I don’t wanna be in and that’s the subject that keeps getting pushed onto me. Guess I’ll just remain civil until these bills are cleared. Rant over.

[sle0924-blog]

(Photo found thru Google image search)

I wanna chase sunsets. I wanna feel the breeze in my hair and the feeling of mother nature on my skin. Sand, water, dirt, grass, etc. I want to fall in love with life and find the beauty in everything. What is the meaning of life? What is my reason for being here on this Earth? I want to be proactive about recycling and doing the best I can to take care of our beautiful home, Earth. I don't want to take advantage of this life of mine. I only get one and I have to try and make the best of it. I will fall in love with life again.

[sle0924-blog]

(Photo found on Facebook)

I have to remind myself to stay strong. Through ups and downs, mostly downs, it has been difficult to stay strong and keep going but I can't give up on life. I have to find the happiness and love within myself that I once valued so much. Today I start removing negativity from my life again as I have done before and find myself again. It's going to be a long journey, but this journey is mine and I am thankful that I can wake up every day with another chance to tackle whatever life throws at me. Things will get better. ❤