HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER SENTENCE MEME [PART II]
“Man, you’re fast when you’re drunk!”
“What’s gotten into you? Oh that’s right, nothing, ever.”
“Why wouldn’t she just come right out and say what she wants?”
“That can never happen again.”
“Love is trusting someone enough to tell them what’s really bothering you.”
“Come with me if you want to bang.”
“I’m going to get you to that hospital or die trying.”
“People make fun of the guy who stays home every night doing nothing, but the truth is that guy is a genius.”
“I don’t think I can do normal anymore.”
“Don’t say that whore’s name in front of our baby!”
“When did I become such a gooey romantic?”
“Last week I went out with a girl whose favorite band was Glee!”
“Treat me like I’m a girl scout trying to sell you cookies.”
“Your breath reeks of shredded carrots and deceit.”
“Here’s twenty for picking up a girl with only one word and here’s another twenty for that word being boner.”
“So you’re pregnant? Huh, looks like nobody told your boobs.”
“If we’re together long enough I hope that one day you see yourself like I do.”
“When it’s just not there, you can’t force it.’
“I can actually hear the sound of her vagina being boarded up.”
“A man can do a lot of living in three hours.”
“Sometimes things have to fall apart to make way for better things.”
“I can handle you preventing me from fulfilling a life long dream, that’s being in a relationship.”
“I’m too far gone, I’m broken.”
“Deep down you know you were never happier than when you were with her.”
“You can’t pay your mortgage with hacky sacks and good vibes.”
“I’m never going to talk to my dad again.”
“I am never gonna have closure. Closure doesn’t exist.”
“I want to be confused with you.”
“Never screw over a girl whose last name ends in a vowel, because she’s got brothers.”
“I’m a good boyfriend in my sleep.”
“With great penis comes great responsibility.”
“I’d say hump her brains out, but somebody obviously already has.”
“There’s an alien growing in my stomach that is going to explode out of my vagina!”
“When your friends have great news you’re happy for them for like a millisecond and then you start thinking about yourself.”
“I’m so sorry, you must think I’m totally disgusting.”
“Anytime a single guy hangs out with a married woman there are rules that must be followed.”
“You look gross when you cry. You know that?”
“God, your nose is bleeding like a faucet.”
“That is so romantic, I want to fill a pillow case with dead batteries and beat you with it.”
“Puffy cheeks, smudged mascara, slightly red nose, that girl was just crying.”
“All that stupid crap they tell you about how fulfilling teaching is, it’s all true.”
“Good for you for not playing with yourself!”
“Ultimately, we only see what we want to see when we’re ready to see it.”
“You guys bangin’? Keep goin’, I’m not even here.”
“I sound kind of douchey. I can’t stop myself!”
“There’s a fine line between a true story and a bald-faced lie.”
“Of course she is upset - take a look at yourself you dumb slut.”
“Being single sucks - turns you into a crazy person.”
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