[sleeplesswork]

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[sleeplesswork]

PSA: after much thought, i plan to move blogs :3 i'm not sure when i will, but until then i am on hiatus ! read tags if you want more info

[sleeplesswork]

i… need to talk-

[sleeplesswork]

i hunted for the english version of this so you can all feast your eyes on my fat and greedy boy… i think i'm going to re read the manga …

[sleeplesswork]

i need to shut up and get back to writing but can you please spare a second to look at my boy ??? i am going insane, the anime is just so lovely :,)

i will cry. i crode.

[sleeplesswork]

[sleeplesswork]

that till comic and i right ??? holy shit. lort. it’s given me so many thoughts so i am here to share some ! i'll be back for part two—

the way this comic starts of is just so !! these are the big moments for till's life, which, of course, include his most important people. running away beneath the meteors with ivan, and watching mizi get on stage, along with watching her finally hold him after being shot.

these side by side are destroying me ;-; but OHHHH till reaching out ... i am convinced till wasn't even kicking and screaming as they dragged him away, he was just too out of it™️ but he was reaching out, as if that could help, as if ivan wasn't finally out of reach. also the way the guard almost seems to be leaning down to check ivan, considering his vitals weren't exactly hit it makes sense;; but ouch, punch to my gut

and here is the parasite himself !!! before i yap, i want to say the villainization of ivan is wack, and very over exaggerated. when watching a show like alien stage you need to understand that people put in terrible situations will do bad things, that doesn’t make them satan incarnate, it merely makes them a product of their environment ! but on the other end of this spectrum, i think completely justifying and ignoring his actions is also wrong — they did negatively impact till, and even if that wasn’t intended, it still is a result of what ivan did. and i think this comic shows it so very well !! so here are some of my thoughts on that :0

looking at this, i think it's clear that these aren’t things ivan would actually say — this is a hallucination, it's a manifestation of his own self hatred along with his misunderstanding of ivan's character. yeah, till is just as bad as the fandom with this T^T

" this was the face i didn't want to see most " i feel as if till certainly wants to see ivan ( alive ) but that isn't possible, all he has is this phantom, a projection of his own self hatred. of course he doesn't want to see ivan.

though, i also find the changing of ivan's age so interesting. clearly the adult him / round six is the most unsettling of the bunch, which makes sense, he is the one that jumped on till, the one he saw bloodied and killed. of course his thoughts of him have grown the most perturbed, but then there’s teen him, which till seems uncomfortable with ( ending the conversation the moment their eyes met ). this also makes sense to me, it's after the meteor shower, it's after his princely persona was formed, after ivan broke their normality by stopping their fights… not to mentioned puberty, an influx of experiments and events with urak. so it's a very uncomfortable time. then there’s them as children, which was probably the easiest time for till, so that's what ivan appears at when he's at peace.

this little conversation ;-; yes ivan, till drew you !! and of course he didn't show it, just like he never showed mizi these types of things. the way till seems genuinely taken aback by ivan possibly being upset by this, only to get that creepy smile, a reminder that this isn't ivan. he can't learn anything new from this apparition.

quick side note: while this conversation was very similar in japanese, it ends a little differently. rather than till realising that his lack of showing could be a reason for ivan being upset, till jumps onto something new, " were you lonely ? " ohhhh, it upsets me, it upsets me greatly

OKAY LETS TALK ABOUT TILL'S BRANDING !!! and his neck lort !! i always thought the tattoos were less of tattoos and more something buried into the skin. which, yeah, is obvious, but seeing it peel is just. woah. my boy is absolutely destroying the thing, and himself in the process. he's peeled it multiple times. OH ! and the fact that seeing till practically self harm is what causes 'ivan' to stop harassing him and clam down. suddenly choking him on stage certainly did something to till's mind™️, he doesn't understand ivan attacked to save him, he thinks ivan just genuinely wanted to hurt him. so, of course, his hallucination wants him injured.

… last thing … and this is where i worry i'll get burned at the stake- i am going to just say it as it is, ivan assaulted till, both physically and sexually. i know ya hate to hear it — and guess what ! i bet till would hate to hear it too. but it's simply what happened. and it's shown in this comic, ivan kissing till to shut him up almost, stop him from talking about mizi. ( i KNOW the real ivan wouldn’t do this, wouldn’t stop till from talking about what brings him joy, but as an external source says to do this, his hallucination acts on it ) after it, till is instantly in tears, hand clasping his neck. he is so very uncomfortable with this type of intimacy.

and the hand up his shirt. I AM SEEING SO MANY PEOPLE SEXUALISE THIS. i am. so disappointed. till looks HORRIFIED. he genuinely looks so scared, this is the most fearful i think anyone is alien stage has looked. he does not like it. okay but why is he imagining ivan so touchy like this ? because he was ! and it was once something till was comfortable with !! but it’s twisted, and it's become distressing. ivan’s reaching for his neck, reaching to hurt him, digging his nails into till's neck, pointing out his lack of voice, his failure to speak his mind back when they were together. he gently leans against till's back while clawing at his throat, kissing him softly while choking him. affectionate while simultaneously contradicting those affections with pressuring words and violence. till clearly has survivors guilt, and ivan is a manifestation of that.

anyways bye

[sleeplesswork]

お前やっぱ光ちゃうやろ。

[chaieos]

@sleeplesswork's ghost blade spoke to wreck : " sorry i gave dragon boy permission to bite nice, i wasn’t aware he was spoken for in that department " 

IS THAT WHY THERE HAD been someone hovering nearby, a dark spot in their peripheral vision ? always out of sight, never out of mind. he had stayed close to nice, not close enough to create any suspicion but close enough to — to what ? jump in to save him ? funny, the public knew him to be a hero, he'd be fine with the trust they had in him. more than fine.

but wreck is taking that back right this second, not when it was the #3 hero sneaking around them, hounding them — or in this particular case nice — to a place where he could strike best. he's heard him whining about nice, heard how he'd want to have a taste. it made something burn within wreck, jealousy, annoyance. definitely both, preferably less of the first. 

body stands rigid at sudden appearance of another hero, before he slumps just slightly. frown marring his face when he stares at the assassin hero, arms cross in defense and annoyance grows even further. he tries, though, not to sound agitated, especially to his elder. " can you call him back ? "

[sleeplesswork]

invisible  until  the  moment  he  forced  attention  upon  himself,  the  number  four  hero  exhaled  with  deliberate  restraint,  voice  quiet,  in  a  failed  attempt  at  not  coming  across  as  frightening  despite  the  jarring  nature  of  his  sudden  appearance.  it  did  very  little  —  dull  eyes  watching  the  young  man  flinch  upright.  a  practised  apology  sat  at  the  tip  of  his  tongue,  shaped  by  habit  more  than  remorse,  dismissed  rather  quickly  as  his  attention  was  drawn  back  to  the  topic  at  hand.

no  matter  what  ghost  blade  said  or  didn't,  dragon  boy  seemed  quite  content  with  harassing  treeman's  nice.  he  couldn't  quite  understand  why  —  from  what  small  interactions  they'd  had,  the  'perfect'  hero  seemed  polite,  even  if  said  manners  had  a  forced  edge  to  them.  despite  their  status  as  co-workers,  the  assassin  didn't  pay  much  mind  to  dragon  boy,  saw  him  as  little  more  than  background  noise,  perhaps  that  was  a  mistake  on  his  end.  now  that  he  was  involved  in  this  fiasco,  it  was  best  he  understood  the  grounds  on  which  the  younger  disliked  nice.

❛❛  i  could  try . . .  but  this  matter  might  be  best  resolved  between  dragon  boy  and  nice  himself.  ❜❜

[zefir-ka04]

[sangsorrow]

@sleeplesswork

[sangsorrow]

he smiled, smug, meant to rile till up even more if he was still looking his way. ivan wished he did. beneath a layer of confidence, there was always that silent plea. “ i do, ” what guy didn't smoke yet carried a lighter or two on his person at all times? someone obsessed with the flames, of course.

despite accepting the offered pack and taking one of the few remaining cigarettes, he held it up to till's lips instead, the lighter in his other hand already flipped open, sparks dancing. “ say ahh, pretty boy. ”

[sleeplesswork]

cigarette  taken  (  stolen  ),  the  rest  of  the  pack  is  shoved  away,  temptation  temporarily  out  of  sight,  despite  remaining  prevalent  on  his  mind.  if  till  lit  one  up  every  time  ivan  prickled  his  nerves,  he'd  be  a  chain  smoker.  might  be  hard  to  book  roles  if  his  voice  or  health  were  ruined  —  even  if  he's  already  halfway  there.

the  snap  of  ivan's  lighter  catches  his  attention  once  more,  like  the  younger  can't  go  a  moment  without  it.  teal  hues  roll,  pretty  boy,  he's  tempted  to  smack  that  grin  off  of  plush  lips.  real  fuckin'  shame  ivan  would  probably  be  into  that.  ❛❛  ass  ❜❜  a  quiet  grumble  before  the  cigarette  is  accepted,  always  easy  to  give  in.

watching  the  end  meet  Ivan's  flame,  it  smouldered  quietly  before  pulling  back.  inhaling  deeper  than  necessary,  slouching  just  a  little  before  releasing  a  bloom  of  smoke.      ❛❛  y'know,  i  wasn't  actually  in  the  mood  for  a  smoke  ❜❜

[cainscholar-deactivated20250902]

unprompted ; always accepting !

❝ ... what? ❞ His gaze flickered over, utterly impassive and neutral as to the ogling of his chest. Really, as Housewarden, he ought to have had more shame about it all. If someone were truly determined, they could have easily peered at the gap between fabric and skin to completely study the smooth planes beneath.

This, of course, did not cross Leona's mind, for there was really no point in worrying over something as frivolous as skin. Garments from Sunset Savanna showed more, after all. If anything, he found the affairs of high collars and buttons to be all too stuffy.

[sangsorrow]

🕯️>:0

( @sleeplesswork / prompted. )

he's changed. a lot. back when we were in school i wouldn't have pegged him for such a workaholic. i wonder where it all started. i think his father had been sort of pushy about it and angry with him when we started the band. wasn't a career to his liking. i just didn't think i'd end up being the more rebellious one here. but he'd never tell me anything. i guess that never changed. even today he's so awfully secretive.

but i know him. i know better. i know he wants me. might even want to get back into music, but he's got too comfortable resting on his laurels. he's rich. famous. agencies are clawing at one another to secure him as the lead actor for their movies. he's got everything he'd ever wanted in that regard. the whole world belongs to him. but he doesn't belong in that kind of spotlight. i need to drag him back down. i know what's good for him. i kept his dream alive. i just need to convince him to follow.

he'll be mine again. i won't let him forget me. everywhere he looks, i'll be there. i'll embed myself into his veins. i don't care how long it takes. i'll make him mine. i want him. i need him like i need oxygen.

maybe even more.

[sangsorrow]

his eyes lifted, pausing in his scrutiny of the cd when till spoke. the stutter in his voice made ivan narrow his eyes. like he was posing till a challenge; daring him to appear more confident in his choice, if that was truly his favorite.

“ fine, ” he said eventually with a sigh, accompanied by a faint shrug and a roll of his eyes as he handed the cd back to its rightful owner. “ i like it. but i want to see the other drafts regardless. just because i like to see anything made by you. ” a more confident smirk then found his lips, as he swung an arm around till's shoulders and pulled him closer with a playful shake.

“ we're going to my place. i also want to hear the finished product. ” there would be no arguments. maybe he could even coerce till into playing and singing it live; ivan had some instruments lying around.

[sleeplesswork]

nervous  hands  are  quick  to  retrieve  the  surrendered  music  demo,  a  task  that  prevents  him  from  fidgeting  with  his  shirt's  hem.  his  eyes  flicker  down  to  the  bright  pinks  and  blues—  well  . . . it  certainly  doesn't  fit  the  older  man's  image.  maybe  he  should  reconsider,  he'd  never  want  to  be  something  that  hinders  ivan,  even  if  it  meant  editing  his  own  artistic  vision  to  better  match.

smooth  words  don't  nullify  his  worries,  but  they  certainly  subdue  them,  at  least  for  now.  ivan  likes  it,  and  somehow  that  opinion  matters  far  more  than  till's  own.  he  nods,  small  and  quiet,  he's  okay  showing  what  else  he  had  crafted,  even  if  they're  rough,  messy  drafts  —  because  ivan  likes  to  see  anything  made  by  him.  how  he  goes  from  stomach-achingly  nervous  to  giddy  so  quickly  is  beyond  him.

❛❛  o-okay ! . . . the  backings  are  finished,  so  are  most  of  the  vocals  ❜❜  the  words  feel  clunky,  dumbly  sitting  on  his  tongue,  but  till  smiles  nonetheless.  more  than  willing  to  play  the  demo  over  at  the  singer's  house,  it's  more  important  than  the  cover  after  all  —  so  long  as  the  song  is  approved,  visuals  and  all  else  can  be  revised.

[d-a-i-k-i-a]

[sleeplesswork]

is this all in my head ? (for Weiss!)

when  trapped  in  a  reality  so  bleak  it  gnaws  at  the  edges  of  sanity,  worse  than  death  itself,  escape  is  merely  another  necessity.  even  if  it's  not  genuine,  one's  mind  requires  reprieves,  fragments  of  stillness  amidst  the  endless  howl  of  suffering,  a  minute  of  peace  in  a  world  refusing  to  grant  it.  this  was  a  simple  truth  even  deepground  understood  —  why  else  would  there  be  holograms  lighting  the  sky ?  faulty  as  they  were…  weiss  had  never  understood,  never  cared.  their freedom was merely in their heads. he  had  no  need  to  leave  so  long  as  he  was  with  nero,  a  bond  so  absolute  it  eclipsed  everything  else  —  but  as  his  brother  grew,  and  he'd  been  allowed  the  smallest  glimpse  of  what  was  above  ground,  his  thoughts  started  to  twist,  coiling  into  strange  shapes,  unsettling  and  new.

his  hum  is  simple,  not  quite  cruel,  not  quite  kind,  detached  as  he  lolls  his  head  to  the  side,  as  if  considering  the  words.  the  cave  they  stood  in  had  been  desolate,  away  from  the  harsh  elements,  far  enough  that  light  hadn't  dared  peek  through.  its  air  was  thick  with  old  dust  and  silence,  like  home.  ❛❛  everything  is.  ❜❜  despite  their  dreary  situation,  the  sight  angeal  looks  to  is  one  of  a  lush  village,  one  of  his  home,  where  houses  still  stand  tall  and  children  run  about  —  not  ghosts  but  flickers  of  memory.  the  illusion  pulses  gently,  pulled  from  the  ex-soldier's  memories.

❛❛  don't  you  like  it  ?  ❜❜

[sangsorrow]

with the other actors dispersing, ivan's expression quickly relaxed, too. like he was suddenly a different person. the contrast became all the more jarring once till expressed his agreement. it made ivan perk up, eyes practically sparkling.

“ wait— stop, back up. can you say that again? pleeeasee? i want it recorded on my phone! ” and he was pulling the device out. like he was serious. he was. he'd probably use it as his alarm ringtone, honestly.

like a lost puppy, he followed after the actor as he turned on his heel. straight home? “ that's fine. you can cook for me, then. last i had anything you made, it's not so bad than what it used to be. ”

[sleeplesswork]

there  isn't  a  second  between  till's  words,  a  noncommittal  shrug  so  casual  it  bordered  on  dismissive,  (  as  if  he  hadn't  just  lit  the  younger  man  up  )  and  the  way  he  turns  on  his  heels,  leaving  in  a  whirl  of  sharp  footsteps  and  feigned  indifference,  without  a  glance  back.  they've  played  this  game  before,  so  many  damn  times  it  had  become  muscle  memory,  a  tired  ritual  that's  always  the  same,  ivan  trotting  behind,  on  his  heels  —  an  over  excited  puppy.  a  dog  wagging  its  tail  now,  but  growling  and  snarling  before,  fangs  bared  and  hackles  raised  —  a  shame  he  knew  first  hand  that  it  wasn't  bark,  no  bite.

❛❛  cook  for  you  ?  ❜❜  finally  glancing  back,  the  phone  still  waving  in  the  dark  haired  man's  hand  has  till  all  but  scoffing.  the  laugh  that  follows  is  dry.  never  again.  praise  goes  to  ivan's  head  far  too  quickly  than  should  be  healthy.  ❛❛  not  a  chance,  that  defeats  the  purpose  of  going  home  to  relax  ❜❜  his  tone  makes  it  sound  like  an  obvious  truth,  even  if  he  had  improved  over  the  years,  a  slow  evolution  from  burning  toast  to  actual  edible  meals,  solom  did  till  cook  for  himself  (  let  alone  someone  else  ) . . . when  you  work  as  hard  as  he  does,  pushing  past  the  limits  of  exhaustion  more  days  than  not,  ordering  daily  becomes  a  normality  despite  the  costs.

[sleeplesswork]

" till isn't mute because he breathed / because they got his va to do that sigh " tell me you're an idiot without telling me you're an idiot. people only disliked the theory because they viewed it as a punishment ( a little ableist if you ask me- ) but it isn't, it's simply the result of what happened… and even if till hadn't been shot in the neck, when you have something constantly used against you, it's only natural to not want this thing anymore. so whether or not till is selectively mute, or physically can't speak, if you view it as his punishment for any of his past actions you're weird af !! also the " we'd be screwed if we didn't save that kid " is rebellion leader till proof to me ~

till when he learns pink hair isn't exactly rare aw ;-; oh and isaac saying there's two people with pink hair underground and at least seven above makes me think i was right … with the rebellion base being somewhat under ground heh

the drawings of mizi … i wonder if these were done by segyein or the rebellion … oh ugh, my poor girl deserves so much better ;-; i'm heartbroken that this is her legacy, and i know till is too. OH and mizi looks to be badly burned :(( jeez my poor girl, she's giving me so many feelings

AND LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST HEHEHEHHEHEGEHEHEHEHGEHEHEH

i should write a billion word essay on the casino scene … maybe we will get some till pov next week, with him being the end of this comic, it would make sense !!

BUT ALSO !!! does this mean the casino scene was happening while mizi was having this argument ??? ohhhh i'm gonna be sick

o h . . . u g h !! it gets sadder and sadder, was mizi told about that night ??

[sleeplesswork]

everyone should match icons with me, i'm not at all annoying or bossy !!

[sleeplesswork]

he's calling gumi as we speak . . . bye ivan and rytm