SLIGHTLY AGGRESSIVE AFFIRMATIONS

Sometimes you need a little affirmation that you are valid and important and have a right to exist and to take up space in the world. Affirmations are great, but I always see nice calmly worded ones and think: "But that doesn't apply to me, because I am bullshit trash!" So, I decided to start a blog that affirms people a little more forcefully. It took off quickly! WARNING: Slightly Aggressive Affirmations contain coarse language. Slightly Aggressive Affirmations believes in Bodily Autonomy, Self Determination and that all feelings are valid. Slightly Aggressive Affirmations are gender neutral, because anyone can be a magical sparkle fairy or a proud and majestic lion looking over their Kingdom of Awesome. YOU ARE A BADASS FUCKING JET-POWERED UNICORN WHO FARTS FREAKIN' CUPCAKES!!! Do you need help right now? Click Here.

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So I had someone I thought I could trust say outright that he would join in with destroying Pride merch because he's "sick of having it shoved down my throat and don't you know I HAVE TRAUMA" and as a result have had an ongoing anxiety argument in my own head for 3 fucking days.

Could I please have a reminder that this is doing no good for anyone? I have taken the steps I need to about this incident, there's literally nothing left for me to do about it and I would like my brain to shut the fuck up about it already but it's not listening to me. Maybe it'll listen to you and people agreeing with you.

Oh shit, friend, I am SO SO sorry. This must have been so upsetting and traumatic. Please remember that your anxiety, and anything else that you are feeling are all entirely valid. You have the right to these feelings.

But we don't want anxiety hanging around when it is not wanted, so let's sort it out:

YOU ARE GOING TO BE A-FUCKING-OK!!!

YOU HAVE DEALT WITH THIS BULLSHIT AS IT NEEDED TO BE DEALT WITH!!! THE INCIDENT HAS BEEN HANDLED, AND HANDLED FUCKING WELL, BECAUSE YOU'RE A FREAKIN' BOSS!!! YOU SAW HARM AND YOU STOOD UP AND TOOK CARE OF YOUR SAFETY - EXCELLENT FUCKING WORD YOU BADASS, I AM SO SO HELLA PROUD OF YOU!!!

SO ANXIETY, THIS IS A MESSAGE FROM ME, THE SLIGHTLY AGGRESSIVE AFFIRMER, TO YOU - SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU PUNK!!! YOU'RE NOT HELPING!!! I KNOW YOU'RE TRYING TO DO A JOB, BUT YOU'RE BEING OVER-FUCKING-ZEALOUS AND YOU'RE JUST FUCKING THINGS UP NOW!!! SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP UNTIL THERE'S AN ACTUAL DANGER SCENARIO OR SO FUCKING HELP ME, I WILL FIND YOU!!!

I hope that this helps.

The SAA

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Hi! I just started dating someone and we really clicked and it got intense kinda quickly. I have a lot of dating trauma in my past, and he is very understanding about it, but my trauma keeps making me think something horrible is about to happen and I just want to enjoy and be happy.

Hello friend,

This sounds like a really tough situation and I'm sorry you're dealing with it. I am very glad your new person is being understanding about your trauma. That seems like a good sign to me.

I am not a therapist or counsellor or qualified in any way, but I can tell you what I think, the same as if you asked a friend for their advice or opinion.

I think that trying to make the trauma go away right now is probably not helpful in the longer term. I think if you try to rush things and force yourself to process your trauma for the sake of your new relationship, before you are ready, that this will probably not be good for you, or for the relationship in the long term. Trauma has to be processed in its own time. However, going to a therapist or counsellor or even just calling a helpline would be a good idea because they can give you strategies to help you cope with your feelings.

Mindfulness is about being aware of where you are now, so that might be something that helps you. It would help you to focus on the here and now, grounding you, but also helping you remember that this is the person you are with now and he didn't do anything to cause your trauma and isn't going to cause more trauma. Your intrusive thoughts about your past experiences would hopefully be left as memories, not something that's at the front of your mind.

That is all the advice I feel comfortable giving. It just comes from having been through a lot of trauma and a lot of therapy myself. I hope you can find a way to feel secure and comfortable in your new relationship. Good luck. <3

The SAA

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YOU ARE ALIVE TODAY!!! GREAT FUCKING WORK, FRIEND!!! I AM SO, SO PROUD OF YOU!!!

SURVIVING EACH DAY CAN BE THE HARDEST THING, SOMETIMES BUT YOU'VE DONE IT TODAY AND THAT IS FUCKING INCREDIBLE!!!

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YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WITH THE RIGHT TO MAKE CHOICES ABOUT YOUR LIFE!!!*

YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN SEE INSIDE OF YOU AND KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!!! YOU MIGHT WELCOME OTHER PEOPLE'S ADVICE AND THAT'S TOTES FUCKING FINE - IF YOU INVITE THEM TO CONTRIBUTE!!! BUT ULTIMATELY, IT'S YOUR FUCKING CHOICE BECAUSE IT'S YOUR FUCKING LIFE!!!

(and there's no wrong choice - there's just a choice that takes you in an unexpected, undesired direction. you can course correct)

(*yes if you're a minor, your parent/guardian can, but morally, i believe you still have the right to consultation)

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YOU CAN SAY NO!!!

NOT EVEN "SORRY, NO..." OR "NO, BECAUSE..." OR "NO, BUT..." - JUST STRAIGHT UP FUCKING "NO!!!" IS A FULL FUCKING SENTENCE AND YOU'VE GOT EVERY RIGHT TO SAY IT!!! YOUR BOUNDARIES MATTER!!!

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I think I accidentally (it's a long story) came out as queer and autistic at work and I am freaking out.

I'm sorry this took me a while to get to, friend. I was in bed with something that wasn't Covid but felt so much like it, I tested 3 times.

This does sound very scary. But it is gonna be OK. You will be OK.

I remember coming out at work, just to one of my bosses. They appointed a new Deputy Prime Minister that day, and he had once made very homophobic remarks, and it was all over the newspapers, of course. I cried. So I didn't so much come out, as started crying while talking about it, and my boss said "Oh. I'm not allowed to ask this, but... are you..." and didn't really have to ask because I nodded and then she hugged me.

So, even though my experience was really very positive, with a kind and understanding person who supported me - it was still a very scary experience. My whole stomach just dropped downwards like I was in an aeroplane in turbulence. It feels extremely vulnerable to let people know this truth about yourself when you don't know how they will react.

And I'll be honest with you - I'd still probably rather my coworkers knew I was queer than autistic... because of the stereotypes and the judgements that people have.

What I'm saying, is that I absolutely understand why you are freaking out, and I empathise with your situation - and apparently my way of doing that is telling stories from my own life that relate.

ANYWAY - You will be OK. If your colleagues accept you for who you are, things may even be better. Your autism might be accomodated. If things are worse, you will still be OK. You will know who the bigots are. You will know if you are unsafe, and that it is time to start planning an exit. This is not an outcome that we want, obviously, but if that's what happens, it will still ultimately by OK.

Keep being you, bringing your unique skillset to work (and your autism gives you an edge in some places), and always giving your employer back what you feel they deserve.

I hope everything goes excellently, but trust that ultimately, you will thrive. Kick some arse, you wonderful Career Cobra!

The SAA

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YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!!!

YES!!! YOU!!!

YOU DON'T HAVE TO EARN THE RIGHT TO HAPPINESS, AND YOU CAN'T LOSE IT!!! YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY JUST BECAUSE YOU EXIST!!!

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NOT PRODUCTIVE TODAY?! GOOD!!! DON'T GIVE A FUCK!!!

LOOK, IF YOU DON'T NEED TO WORK, OR PRODUCE OR CREATE ANYTHING TODAY - IF IT'S NOT ESSENTIAL FOR YOUR LIVELIHOOD OR WHATEVER...

TAKE THE FUCKING BREAK!!! OR EVEN JUST TAKE AN HOUR TO DO ABSOLUTELY FUCK ALL!!! IT IS OK NOT TO BE PRODUCTIVE ALL THE FUCKING TIME!!!

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I'm struggling with addiction. It's really hard to quit.

It really is. I am sorry that you are going through this. Please remember that addiction is an illness - this is not your fault and whatever you are addicted to, it is a function of your brain chemistry (and possibly a genetic predisposition) that got you here. It's not because of any moral failing on your part. You are not a bad person.

I am not a therapist or addiction counsellor and have no qualifications to give you professional advice, so I can only talk to you like a friend would.

So I want you to know that you are loved, that you deserve to be happy. And remember that setbacks are not failures. If you relapse, that's not failing. You just need to try again - and now you know you can do it for at least as long as you made it to the last time. You have something specific to aim for.

I believe in you.

(if you need help finding help with addiction in your local area, you can message me and i will help you. i am always here to help you if you don't know how to access what you need, whatever your situation - asking for help is fucking badass and i will never judge you)

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Hello!

Howdy there, chums!!! Sorry for the short hiatus - had a family matter to deal with and queued up enough for that, but then got really sick. It wasn't Covid but it felt so similar that I tested myself 3 times. In bed for a whole week!

But I'm back now.

I have had my first Anger Management therapy appointment, and it's been HUGELY important, so if you want to know more about that, I welcome you to follow my personal blog, where I'll be sharing that journey.

@theslightlyaggressiveaffirmer

Stay fab, hepcats!

The Slightly Aggressive Affirmer

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HEY! YOU! THE ONE SCROLLING TUMBLR!!!

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!

YES!!! YOU!!! DON’T ARGUE WITH ME!!! YOU’RE A COMPLETELY UNIQUE, UTTERLY BEAUTIFUL HUMAN!!!

(or eldritch creature if you’d prefer - i know i do)

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If an affirmation isn’t relatable to you then the affirmation isn’t about you.

Like “You can do it! You can quit waterskiing! I believe in you!” is an affirmation for people trying to quit waterskiing.

If you don’t waterski, it’s not about you. If you do waterski but aren’t trying to quit, it also is not about you. In both cases, either ignore it or reblog it for your friends/followers quitting waterskiing to see.

That is all.

- The SAA

(i don’t know why I chose waterskiing as an example. no one look inside my brain, it’s a hot mess in there)

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YOU ARE NOT A WASTE OF SPACE!!!

IT IS GOOD THAT YOU EXIST!!! YOU BRING SOMETHING TO THE EARTH THAT OTHERWISE WOULD NOT BE HERE!!! YOU HAVE A POSITIVE IMPACT ON THE LIVES OF OTHERS!!!

(even if you have done something that had a negative impact, that’s an anomaly. in general your impact has been positive)

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YOU ARE A BADASS SCORPION, BEAUTIFUL AND DEADLY, A CREATURE NOT TO BE FUCKED WITH!!! A MAJESTIC FUCKING BEING - FAR TOUGHER AND MORE DANGEROUS THAN YOU MAY APPEAR!!!

GOOD FOR YOU, YOU GLORIOUS FUCKING ARACHNID!!! KEEP SCUTTLING THROUGH THE DESERT OF LIFE, BEAUTIFUL DANGER TAIL HELD HIGH!!!

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SHOUTOUT TO THE UNHOUSED AND THOSE EXPERIENCING HOUSING INSECURITY!!!

HELLO!!! I HOPE THIS IS A GOOD DAY AND THAT POSITIVE THINGS HAPPEN!!!

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HI TRANS PEOPLE - YOU ARE ALL NOT ONLY VALID BUT ALSO HOT AS FUCK!!!

YOU DESERVE LOVE, RESPECT AND SAFETY!!!

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LOOK, WE ALL FUCK UP!!! IT’S GONNA BE OK!!!

PROBABLY BEYONCÉ HAS FUCKED UP AT SOME POINT, EVEN!!! WE WILL ALL BE OK!!!

(if you fuck up, acknowledge it and make amends - also remember to centre any wronged parties and what they need, not making yourself feel better)