I want to discuss when Dan came out. I remember the day vividly; I was sat on my floor with music blasting while I cleaned, surrounded by piles of junk and half full trash bags. Which, to be fair, was appropriate for the occasion. Anyways, my phone went off with a notification and it was on my leg so I just glanced down curiously, singing absentmindedly.
The first thought in my head when I saw a notification from Dan with the words “basically, I’m gay” beside it, I thought it was fake. I thought a fan account had posted that as a joke, since the phandom does that stuff a lot anyway. Let me get this straight though, I’ve always been one to suspect he wasn’t straight, but I would never label him since it wasn’t my label to give. I figured he’d share it himself one day or we just would never know. Which was perfectly okay! He was not obligated to share any of his personal information with us. (I’m looking at all the Phannies who tried to force it out of them!! -_-) Either way, I opened it to be sure.
I was NOT prepared to open it and see that yes, it HAD been the real Dan Howell, and yes he had posted a 45 minute MASTERPIECE talking about it in depth. I literally screamed so loud my mother burst into the room in concern. But no her daughter was not injured, she was just freaking out on her bedroom floor surrounded by junk over one of her hero’s excepting himself.
Honestly though I can’t express to you how proud I was of him; how proud I still am of him. I’ve been watching them for 5 years now, watching them grow and flourish. Hearing that one of these amazing people went through all of that for something he couldn’t control broke my heart. The world is changing every day, yes but there are still so many people who try to take away our basic rights or downgrade and devalidate us. I can’t believe the world almost lost one of the best human beings alive just because people couldn’t accept that he liked boys. It’s insane to me. Genuinely if any of you are struggling, my inbox is always open. <3
Mental health is real, it’s serious and something that needs to be recognized even more. We lose so many fantastic people because others refuse to validate them or just simply don’t understand them or try to. If you’re struggling today, go get a glass of water and maybe a snack. Take a deep breath. You will be okay. You deserve happiness and love and you WILL get it. Keep pushing for that, because one day you’ll be in such a good place, you’ll be so happy you kept trying. I believe in you, and I’ll continue to believe in you even when you don’t believe in yourself.
I hope all of you are doing well and your best. Even if your best is laying in bed and breathing, you’re valid and perfect and I’m proud of you. I hope we all continue to grow our acceptance together and love for each other and everything around us. The world is changing, we are making progress little by little. Let’s keep shooting for that.
