Since I've been sort of informally talking about the sex scenes in TLG in relation to the narrative, let's talk about one of my favorites that I rarely see mentioned: the post-proposal sex scene. Shane, our big romantic gestures man, just set up a trillion flameless candles (this is how you know they're rich, the batteries alone would put me in foreclosure, but if Shane got good quality flameless candles just look at what one set of Luminaras will put you back, and I'm sure there's more expensive ones out there), and he's not perfect with words, we know this, but his proposal is so sincere. He figured out Ilya's middle name. He has a ring (wrong size, who knew people had different sized fingers, Shane has never worn a non-cup ring in his fucking life) and he promises he will always choose Ilya. He gets down on one knee!
This is the same man who basically said "come to my cottage, I'll show you the best time and we can fall in love for real," he's no stranger to romance, to wooing, he literally wants to do it right, because Shane doesn't do anything in half-measures.
Okay okay, now the sex. After Ilya says yes, Shane starts to move it into steamier territory with the very emotionally driven need to feel Ilya's heart beat under his shirt after the near-death experience. Ilya wants to show Shane he's alive because Shane is feeling anguish over the thought of almost losing him, and Ilya is like 'Ah I will fuck him about it and that will feel good." But then they literally start tearing the clothes off of each other while they growl possessive shit at each other like "yours" and "mine" and then Ilya lays Shane out on the carpet and they just fall into each other. Importantly, up until now, Ilya has been very focused on fucking Shane "properly" or whatever that means, wanting to give Shane the sex he wants and be the perfect boyfriend of Shane's dreams. He's also trying to numb his own issues with sex. He doesn't want to waste their precious time together talking about his depression, he wants to do the thing they're both really good at, which is having great sex.
I think it's important here, during the proposal, that they don't do anything elaborate. This is contrasting the other sex scenes in the book where they're both using sex as a way to show love, yes, but also as a way to avoid communication. This is sex, but here the vulnerability and openness of their hearts is literally the point. No crazy positioning, no dirty talk, they are literally just grinding on each other and seeking pleasure from each other's bodies. At one point in Ilya's inner monologue he thinks: "This wasn't frantic rutting—this was Shane loving Ilya with his body. Careful, steady thrusts that matched the rhythm of their pounding hearts." Ilya also thinks about how he wants it to last forever, but realizes that they will have moments like this for the rest of their lives. He doesn't have to cling to this moment more than any other, he doesn’t have to make it the best they’ve ever had, they'll have more, they'll have everything together.
I'm not saying that their rough, athletic sex is in some way inauthentic, it's not at all, they both love it, but Ilya's journey in the book is one towards self-actualization, where he can be himself while also being open about his emotions and needs. It's an important moment in Ilya's journey to openly communicating with Shane because Ilya realizes that Shane loves him for exactly who he is, not for what he gives him. Their aligned sexual needs don't mean that Ilya has to suppress his emotions in order to be something that he thinks Shane wants to see.
This part gets me good, every time, showing how the straight-forward prose brings the emotions and meaning to the forefront:
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