Leatherman (for Her Private Hell)
2oz dry gin
0.25oz absinthe type liqueur
2oz very cold water
Combine ingredients in a cocktail glass.

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@sloshed-cinema
Leatherman (for Her Private Hell)
2oz dry gin
0.25oz absinthe type liqueur
2oz very cold water
Combine ingredients in a cocktail glass.
Her Private Hell (2026)
From the opening image of a massive art-deco bust rising out of the mist laden with crystals, Her Private Hell announced itself to be an absolute banger. Megalopolis, while on much larger scale, was merely a dry run for what Nic Winding Refn set out to achieve with this psychological drama about creepy fathers, daddy issues, and fog making people psycho. His “house style” lends itself naturally to giallo, and the world depicted here melds the splatter and Freudian mystery of that Italian subgenre with the simmering horniness of an 80s erotic thriller and heavy violence and atmosphere of a yakuza flick. Tableaux laden in jewel tones of crimson and blue flash in strobing club sequences and flashbacks, conveying a storyline which unspools in a way which is at once like just emerging from a dream yet has its own sense of internal logic. Elle and her frenemy-stepmom (yep) shoot a film (kinda) and are stalked by the enigmatic, monstrous Leather Man who kills girls gone astray. Feeling like a feature-length version of the part of a porn everybody skips past (but, y’know, one of the classy ones), NWR quietly mocks the sexual politics of erotic thrillers. This is blue and lurid, but unlike, say, Quentin Tarantino having Margot Robbie smash her feet into frame in Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood because he is horny, the girls barking at one another like dogs feels like both performers and director are having a good chuckle about the preposterous nature of it all. Lord knows I was giggling my fair share. This is proof that NWR has a stock performance he wants from everyone: stiff, robotic dialogue that falls away into explosions of violence. It’s a shock that there was any scenery left to shoot given how much every single performer was chewing it. Sophie Thatcher with an axe or Havana Rose Liu stabbing a birthday cake are chef’s kiss. The only person not allowed to joke is Charles Melton’s turn as Private K, because his job is to silently smolder at the camera and occasionally take his shirt off. Both of which he does quite well. This is stylish as hell, but with a wink.
Anyone who thinks NWR is incapable of not taking himself too seriously needs to explain then why he picked Pino Dinaggio to score this film. The constantly overcranked score was reminding me of the Herrmann-for-Hitchcock pastiches of many of De Palma’s erotic thrillers, and it’s small wonder because the man himself is the one composing this. This suggests a knowing relationship to what it’s pulling off, an extension of that torrid dialogue. But as with the elevator scene in Drive, the conclusion of Her Private Hell melts away into a warm wash of redemptive synths, allowing a beat of sincerity and catharsis as Elle achieves her personal victory within her private hell. NWR often deals with dodgy themes and materials that court the taboo, but he doesn’t seem to hate his characters. He doesn’t look down at Elle, but does note how damaged she is, and the lengths she must go to achieve some kind of healing. Will she accept the offer of the kitsune and become the next black-gloved killer in taking on the Leather Man’s gauntlets? Maybe she’s made her Dantean journey and can pass from the Inferno onward, or maybe she’s ready to perpetuate the cycle of violence.
THE RULES
SIP
Someone says 'Leather Man', 'daddy', or 'movie'.
Crazy eye makeup in a scene.
We see the Leather Man's silhouette.
BIG DRINK
Someone is killed.
Private K takes off his shirt or jacket.
People start to dance.
Reflection in a Dead Diamond [Reflet dans un diamant mort] (2025)
Is this real life? Is it just fantasy? Opening like a cracked-out version of a spy situation with the aesthetics of Sean Connery era bond but the mindset of late Roger Moore flicks, Reflection in a Dead Diamond dares to ask, “What if the entire movie looked like the horny, psychedelic main title song for an Eon Bond film?” But it’s more complicated than just that. Intercutting a spy’s takedown of a web of intrigue with an older man spending his days lounging beachside in a hotel, the very nature of reality is called into question. This spy was him in decades prior, but is everything as it seems? John Diman isn’t so much a former superspy as a washed-up actor who is a little too dedicated to his star-making turn, and even more unable to get over being replaced. This is his life, and as with the hypnotist on the assassin squad he battles, he conflates reality and cinema. It would be somewhat tragic, but for the fact that John is also a bit of an idiot, and he has a nasty habit of creating collateral damage all up and down the Côte d’Azur as a result. This is why you never try to pay your hotel bill with A MILLION FUCKING DIAMONDS!
Oozing style (as Cattet and Forzani are wont to do), this is a pulp extravaganza, equal parts spy intrigue and gory giallo flick. It finds a way to balance shocking bursts of violence (so much tearing of fingernails, my jaw will unclench one of these days) with more suggestive fare. The murder of Diman's associate by Markus Strand to make his latest artwork relies on morbid hints to reveal her fate, and a series of spotlit pursuits turn transformations into ribbons of flesh and murders into curtains of blood. Famous artworks stand in for gruesome beheadings. This knows it’s campy, but draws from a varied palette of cultural antecedents. I’ll take this over Tarantino any day.
THE RULES
SIP
Someone says 'Diman' or 'diamond'.
Illustrated elements in frame.
Someone dies.
BIG DRINK
Split-screen sequence involved in a scene.
The distinction between fiction and reality is shattered.
Alois Nebel (2011)
Trains can symbolize many things: the boundless possibility of a journey, the forced mass-relocation of people. But one thing they often are is regular and predictable. As it traces an elliptical narrative structure equal parts noir and psychological drama, the film’s title character charts change from the close of WWII to the beginning of the end of the USSR. Haunted nightly by childhood memories of the expulsion of Germans from the former Czechoslovakia and now witnessing the Russian presence beginning to pull up stakes, Alois Nebel’s existence is a somewhat liminal one. Drifting from his remote station to Prague and eventually back, his specific story is at once detached from others and densely and texturally invested in the implications and ripple effects of those times. As a narrative, it is enigmatic, almost opaque at points, but as in a dream a sense of rhythm and structure begins to emerge from the repeated visions which awaken Nebel each night. Even trains stop now and again, and the abandonment of the tracks by Nebel and his on-and-off beau Květa for a stormy trek across country indicates a change in pattern for both moving forward into an uncertain future.
Rotoscoped from live performances in black and white, this uses that means more effectively perhaps than Through a Scanner Darkly, but with a less atmospheric and artistic flourish than the filmmakers behind Loving Vincent and The Peasants. This is a harsh world of stark blacks and whites, and hard shadows. A side-effect of this, perhaps intentionally, perhaps animation-induced face blindness, is a homogenization of the story across generations. In part revenge tale, do the sins of the father fall onto the son if they appear so similar to one another? Will this be perpetuated forever?
It took me embarrassingly long to realize that the weird little pies on all of the tables were in fact ashtrays.
THE RULES
SIP
Time jump.
A shipment of smuggled goods is dropped off.
A train dream starts.
BIG DRINK
Someone shuts off a dripping faucet.
Someone names a specific model of train.
The Peasants [Chłopi] (2023)
Here, every frame is literally a painting. The rotoscoped oils of this village cycle make for a sumptuous visual experience through and through. The swirls of color heighten moments of passion, an impassioned dance seeming to leap out of the frame, or render uglier beats of hive-mind hatred. As it charts the turning of the seasons, the animation allows for some bravura flourishes, the camera pulling back from Jagna's marital bed into the countryside as the landscape frosts over and turns wintry, or Boryna on his deathbed summoned out to the fields one last time by a curling mist. The hand-drawn style still allows for details of facial expression, curls of the lip or arches of the brow still adding depth to character. Overall the style evokes artworks such as van Gogh’s “The Sower” or Millet’s “The Gleaners" in the brushstroke-heavy mode and rich color palettes used to capture the landscape.
Which brings us to the narrative this is in service of, where my interest drops off. Having not read the Nobel Prize-winning source novel, this feels overly episodic and without real connective tissue. We are told that Jagna has the unfair reputation of being the town tart, and as her situation worsens this becomes a cavalcade of cruelty and misery porn. But to what end? To point out that women are often disproportionally blamed for the sexual improprieties of men? To emphasize that these people, when subject to the whims of those more powerful, turn on someone more vulnerable as a punching bag for vitriol and hate? The film can be punishing in that regard, but without a clear sense of directionality. Jagna emerges cleansed and uncertain and yet with a mode of freedom, but to what end.
The score furnished by Łukasz Rosktowski is an absolute top-to-bottom banger. Fucking perfect. A rich folk score, drawing heavily from songs and leaning into a vocal texture which suggests the village operating as one organism, for good or ill.
THE RULES
SIP
Jagna makes paper cutout art.
Marriage is mentioned.
Villagers strike up music.
BIG DRINK
A season intertitle appears.
Storks in a scene.
Preparations to Be Together for an Unknown Period of Time [Felkészülés meghatározatlan ideig tartó együttlétre] (2020)
Love can be a ghost story or a Rorschach test. Or perhaps just losing your mind. Returning to Budapest from the United States seeking a new relationship with a brief acquaintance whom she is convinced is the love of her life, Márta rushes to their agreed upon rendezvous at the Liberty Bridge. But this film, as the vagaries of its title suggest, resists simple romantic gestures. What unfolds for Márta is a quietly noir-inflected exploration of uncertainty. Does she love this man? Who is he really? Glimpses of János hover at the periphery for Márta, whether through a bus window or as a face in a crowd at a concert. Is this János, or some other man? Is János a construct? Soft focused images of nondescript facial features—so many brown-haired, bearded men to be seen—underline Márta’s uncertainty, both in what she desires and how she views the world. The camera and editing lean into this, interspersed psychiatric evaluations casting the shadow of a doubt on the veracity or nature of Márta’s mental state. She winds through monotonous, circular hallways or ascends spiral staircases, a subtly Lynchian sensibility to these moments creating even more of a dreamlike atmosphere. But is János’ ephemeral presence suggestive of an illusion, or is this just an extremely depressed woman living in a barely furnished, shabby apartment trying to find a concrete, external explanation for the emotions with which she’s struggling? Their relationship at points feels like the ink-blot exam that her psychiatrist administers: mirrored bodies imitating one another, each reaching out in imitation as they try to grapple with separate issues. They walk on opposite sides of the street, coy and avoidant. And when it comes to sex, they must first copy one another from far sides of the room before converging. Sometimes János is just what Márta wants, a quietly warm and reassuring presence with whom she can role-play the domestic couple as they search for furniture. But elsewhere she cannot bear to face him, lest it make her complicated feelings too unbearable. The final image is a strange one, but oddly compelling in this sense. An audio speaker being brought into Márta’s apartment, too large for the doorway, is instead hoisted up to go through a window. It hangs there, outside the window, dangling from a rope slung over a pole. The speaker is a gift from János, a gesture of goodwill and a tacit implication of a hope for a deeper relationship. But it’s just stranded there. Will it be welcomed inside, or will it crash down onto the street? Perhaps that’s not something Márta can control at this moment.
A single piece of music haunts the film. I believe it’s the Schubert Lied “Die Forelle.” It represents Márta’s fixation on János (as he sang it in a childhood concert which she watches recordings of repeatedly) and informs in deconstructed sense the score. This sort of dissection is exactly what Márta seeks to do with the relationship, though it isn’t like one of her neurosurgery cases.
THE RULES
A hospital sign appears onscreen.
We catch a glimpse of János.
Phone hold music starts to play.
BIG DRINK
Characters view the Liberty Bridge.
A circular staircase or hallway appears in a scene.
I'm a Cyborg, But That's Okay [싸이보그지만 괜찮아] (2006)
Eating disorders and mental illness are no joke, but this clinic’s approach to treating them sure is. Following a cohort of patients with myriad behaviors in a mental institution, this would be one of those “lunatics running the asylum” scenarios but for the empathy Park Chan-wook’s film exudes for them. There’s screwball comedy to be found here: group therapy sessions quickly devolve into mutual accusations of wild scenarios, and any manner of locomotion, from skipping to rolling, is equally likely. But as we meet apparent cyborg Young-goon’s peers we come to delight in their personalities, from a man who apologizes for everything because surely it’s his fault to a prolific fibber who concocts wild back-stories for everything. Crucial to Young-goon’s experience there, and to her journey toward both being comfortable eating again and also coming to terms with her connection to her grandmother, is Il-soon, who steals everything up to others’ personality traits. This becomes a sort of empathy exercise, Young-goon wrestling with her cyborg Deadly Sin which rejects sympathy for others, and Il-soon working out ways to get her to eat through the contrivance of a machine which converts rice into energy. The imaginative empathy is all the more moving in contrast with what the institution has to offer. While soft-pedaled, this humanistic connection is contrasted with practices which are ethically grey at best, cruel at worst: patients are subjected to electroshock therapy for their ailments, or force-fed if they decide not to eat. In this scenario, personal connection bests anonymous, robotic treatment.
With a whimsical production design, I’m a Cyborg, But That’s Okay is prone to double-edged flights of fancy. A sequence of electroshock therapy becomes a sort of cyborg treatment chamber in Young-goon’s head, and later when confined she is whisked away with the help of static-charged socks for a rendezvous with the grandmother whose dentures she’s been trying to return for ages. They talk briefly before grandma is yeeted into the air by an elastic band. This comical recreation of her vanishing in an ambulance is quickly followed by a more somber impromptu memorial service in the forest, two ways of presenting death and grieving. This blending of reality with perception never vanishes, but Young-goon is finding new ways to interact with the world around her, and she’s got someone with her to help. She feels compelled to use a lightning rod to realize her destiny of blowing up the world, but Il-soon protects her with a cork atop the rod.
Park Chan-wook’s filmmaking has such a density within frame as to create a sense of constant, propulsive movement. Especially in the opening sequence this presents incredibly kinetic storytelling, whether it’s jumping back and forth between timelines even within a single phrase, or acquainting the viewer with the world of the mental hospital by means of a cold plunge into a gleefully chaotic space. This busy, almost overwhelming style by contrast feels like a deep sigh when it allows for quieter moments to develop: Young-goon communes with the vending machines of the hospital, and when Il-soon first sees her do this, he sneaks a coin into the payment slot to make her summoning of tea a reality. It’s a small gesture, but one that suggests what their emotional journey and growth will be together.
THE RULES
SIP
Someone says 'radish', 'thief', or 'dentures'.
Rabbit mask bi-color vision moment.
Light-up toes.
BIG DRINK
A time jump occurs in the narrative.
Someone takes out dentures.
Il-soon crabwalks.
The Pied Piper [Krysař] (1986)
Even without the rodents, Hamelin is a den of greed and debauchery. Jiří Barta's evocative retelling of the classic legend immerses the viewer in a world of cruelty. The town is an industrious place, rising each morning like clockwork and carrying out repetitive tasks. But it is populated by people motivated by one thing: material wealth. Haggling can turn into a brawl, and vendors carry out petty little acts, whether stealing back the flour they "sold" or modifying jewelry to inflict injury. Rats arrive as a sort of divine retribution, industrious in their own sense as they wreak havoc and steal the wealth everyone venerates above all else. There is only one glimmer of purity in Hamelin in the form of a pious, soft-spoken woman. She resembles a china doll whereas everyone else is a caricature hewn from clay and wood. Perhaps the ultimate testimony of her character is that she connects with the mysterious Pied Piper who arrives to balance the scales. Hamelin's rescinding of their bounty promised him is a rude rebuffing, but it's the debauched murder of this woman which pushes him over the edge. Rather than with the original, revenge happens against the villagers themselves, driving them to the same fate as the rats. There would be no space for children in a community this greedy, after all.
Evoking German Expressionism, Barta crafts a clockwork hell where beauty is rarely glimpsed in flashes of nature. An earthy palette and twisting, distorted perspective render Hamelin a nightmare, a vortex of iniquity. But there's a humor to it as well: gibberish dialogue gives key characters instant character, from the foppish tailor to the boorish jeweler to the psychotic butcher. The coin-minter... yeah. The Piper himself feels like a classic Tim Burton character, sinister yet tragic. I CAN FIX HIM!
THE RULES
SIP
A guild insignia appears onscreen.
Gears turning.
A mouse runs off with something.
BIG DRINK
Push in on a minted coin.
The Piper starts to play his flute.
The Triplets of Belleville [Les Triplettes de Belleville] (2003)
This is quietly a body-horror film. Sylvain Chomet’s pantomime farce reflects on the strangeness of the human body through exaggeration: years of training as a cyclist turns ‘Champion’ into a long-schnozzed freak who is 90% calves and quads, and the French mafia consist of tri-bodied entities of henchmen and boss who fuse into one form like Lego bricks. Champion’s grandmother Mme Souza’s eyes blink like lamps from behind her glasses, and her jack-of-all-trades dog is a bowling ball. Buxom women and large-toothed celebrities are the standard of beauty in this vision of the world. The Triplets of Belleville pushes this exaggeration into a sort of reverse anthropomorphism: cyclists take on the vague appearance and whinnying of horses in the mob boss’ strange Zwift-anticipating cycling game, and the mechanic who created the contraption is mousey in every regard. All of these antics are grafted onto an environment which feels like an extension of Jacques Tati’s Playtime (the director explicitly called out in a poster on the wall of the Triplets’ flophouse apartment), Belleville pushing the urban density of Manhattan onto the rugged terrain and Old World architectural flourishes of Québec City. An intricately choreographed chaos of traffic and city life has a sense of zany logic to it, interrupted by the parody of mob violence that is the final pursuit, treating limousines like dominos or other such toys. It’s a singular delight, expressing a creative vision in the way only animation can achieve.
While the heyday of fame may have left them behind, nothing sustains the Triplets quite like a good tune. Charming musical sequences pepper the mystery, a mashup of 1930s jazz with a touch of Latin flair. Improvisatory instrumentation—vacuum hoses, refrigerator shelves, the badly trued spokes of a bicycle wheel—create a sense of spontaneity which is impossible not to tap your toe to. I’d say the sisters have impeccable taste, but, well.. there’s no accounting for the frogs of it all.
THE RULES
SIP
Someone rolls a cigarette.
The dog starts barking at the train.
BUTTS
BIG DRINK
Frogs are food.
People start performing music.
Hench-people fuse together.
Ithaca Homecoming (for The Return)
4 sprigs rosemary
1 cup water
1 cup sugar
1 cup lemon juice
3 cups water
2 oz ouzo
6 oz lemonade
Prepare rosemary simple syrup: bring equal parts sugar and water to a boil. Remove from heat and steep rosemary sprigs for half an hour prior to straining.
Combine simple with water and lemon. Stir and chill for lemonade.
To prepare the drink, measure 2oz ouzo in an ice-filled glass and top to fill with rosemary lemonade. Stir well and serve.
The Return (2024)
How does one interpret The Odyssey while extricating all supernatural elements and digging into the interpersonal core of the finale? The first interaction between Penelope and Odysseus is a masterclass in subtext and a dissection of how two people might start to prod at one another when they have been apart for decades, suspicious and yet attentive. There is so much intimacy and suspicion between Juliette Binoche and Ralph Fiennes that cannot be understated, layers of knowing and denial. Penelope has waited for Odysseus’ return all of these years. She has suffered. What did Odysseus do in Troy? What crimes did he commit? Penelope confronts this seeming stranger about it, but how much of her heart knows that this is him? Can she bring herself to admit that? Avoidant eyelines define both performance and camera language, which are countered in later conversations when the truth finally comes to light. Odysseus makes choices which directly affect his ability to return home, whether jeering at Polyphemus after escaping his cave or falling asleep and allowing his men to butcher the cattle of the Sun. But that is all in the past now and never touched upon in this adaptation. Instead we are left with Odysseus the man rather than the myth, and forced to sort out his choices and sins.
They really were just doing anything with cloth and calling it an outfit back in the day, weren’t they. All of the cloth wraps and scraps of this vision of Greece clash against fuck-ass haircuts in some cases, though at the very least we avoid any broccoli fades. That will be the true death knell of the period piece. One thing is for sure, though: absolutely no chance Matt Damon hangs dong like Fiennes did here.
THE RULES
SIP
Loom closeup.
Antinous starts to lecture Telemachus.
Caprine imagery.
BIG DRINK
Dong.
Someone dies.
Reference to Odysseus' previous journeys.
Helen of Troy (1956)
Do the Greeks not know that it’s requisite to have an entire hype squad to accompany their battering ram? Even Orcs know that shit. Grand! Grand! Grand! And they call Odysseus a clever man. No wonder this shit took a decade to sort out. This incredibly 50s accounting of the Iliad both romanticizes and enshittifies everything that makes that Homeric epic poem a messy masterpiece. Complicated politico-sexual dynamics and all of the problems that ensues are down to single conversations and a romantic notion of “an island” that Helen and Paris can retreat to. Achilles is a touchy jock, which is very true, but when introduced and removed apropos of nothing it loses its impact. But still. The Greeks suck. Basically, if millennial pop girlies normalized the fuck-ass bob, these city-state motherfuckers were sporting the fuck-ass beard. Their conduct is far less than sporting, and Odysseus is a clever if dirty cheat until he gets his whole own chapter in this situation. War is hell, and even the face that launched a thousand shits can live to regret that situation.
Given her involvement in the latter Homeric work, it’s fascinating that Athena is essentially an antagonist here. Nobody values a clever strategist, but it makes sense if Paris favoured Aphrodite in his game of apples. She does look like a bit of a garbage pail kid in her statue at the Trojan high temple, so that’s doing her no favors.
We love a classic sword and sandals epic. But sometimes the matte painting just ain’t right. Robert Wise is a brilliant, Oscar winning director. But my holy fuck, lines of copy-paste triremes on the shore is a shit look. Similarly the score lacked urgency, just pounding pseudo-Wagnerian bullshit down our ear canals and even making us listen to an entire Overture of subpar nonsense before the real action begins.
THE RULES
PICK ONE
Select either the TROJANS or the SPARTANS and sip when they are named in some form.
SIP
Wagnerian music sting.
Now kiss moment.
Equine imagery.
BIG DRINK
Cassandra is ignored or dismissed.
Achilles is mentioned as a spoilsport.
The Ballad of Tam Lin (1970)
While feeling comfortably numb is a pleasing notion, there is a vast difference between a sort of blissful languor and a purgatorial stagnancy. Setting this version of a Scottish folktale in the Swinging Sixties allows for an interesting tonal evolution as what begins as a game of square versus counterculture ethos warps into something altogether more frightening. The “fae queen” figure Michaela Cazaret enthralls and dominates a cadre of London 20-somethings, transforming their holiday in the countryside into a sort of island of the lotus eaters where days of frisbee and binge-drinking blend into evenings of card games and binge-drinking. This is Extremely Retro (Flowy dresses! Big hair! Did I mention the insane binge-drinking?), yet the stupor that this conjures feels timeless and at a remove. As Tom Lynn is drawn away from the orbit of Micky, who he calls “mother,” the laziness of a summer retreat curdles into an atmosphere more befitting a den of junkies: everyone is purposeless and kind of sad. But Micky can harness this listlessness, whip everyone into a frenzy and set them after the man who jilted her. The conclusion blends psychotronic hallucinations on the part of the drugged-out Tom with a sort of proto Ready Or Not energy as his beloved Janet tries to save them both. This carries the beats of the folktale, albeit pushed into a new space of sexual power dynamics.
Helping to bridge the gap (and very befitting of the production time) is the utilization the resurgence of folk music with the counterculture movement of the 1960s and into the early 70s. With songs by The Pentangle helpfully describing events unfolding onscreen in very literal terms, melodic lines of folk music dating back centuries meet up with psychedelic rock instrumentation and riffs. This emphasizes the dreamlike timelessness and throws it out of flux. (I also have to wonder if the source ballad was at least in elements an inspiration for the relatively more recent concept album by The Decemberists, “The Hazards of Love,” who revive this sort of aesthetic, if with more prog-rock flourishes.)
The strength of this (aside from the fun psychedelic flourishes) comes from the handling of the central trio. Ian McShane and Stephanie Beacham aren’t exactly blowing minds as Tom Lynn and Janet, but McShane allows his cynicism to slowly melt away with Tom’s growing disillusionment-cum-cult deprogramming, and Beacham grants Janet a sort of quiet, fragile indomitability which is vital for heroines in this kind of tale. She endures the ordeal despite her softness, even if she looks kind of miffed half the time. But Ava Gardner is the real MVP. Introduced proclaiming her timelessness, she translates the capricious and mercurial nature one might imagine of the fae into the form of a fading grand dame presiding over a court of fools. Is she what she claims to be behind the mask? Perhaps, perhaps not. But she is a dangerous individual either way.
It’s not entirely fair to comment on the sexuality of creatives from a time period when queerness was even more stigmatized in the mainstream than today, but the butler character Elroy is an interesting wrinkle. Heavily insinuated as homosexual, he’s got a sort of threatening and yet regretful air to his presence. He enforces Micky’s will and attempts to manipulate or guide Tom, but the motivation seems to be more from a deep sense of personal longing and unfulfilled desire rather than the classic Villainous Gay dogwhistle that can be seen elsewhere. The character is allowed to be interesting and complicated within the scope of the fairy-tale vocabulary of the film. And just a touch bitchy.
THE RULES
SIP
Someone says 'stay' or 'drink'.
A song by The Pentangle begins.
Sultry saxophone starts to play.
Yellow glasses filter.
BIG DRINK
Tom Lynn snaps a photograph.
The editor starts making bonkers decisions.
Caveat (2021)
Circles within circles. Daman McCarthy, as he achieved later in the remarkable mindfuck Oddity, is well-suited to a spooky house setup. But this earlier, ghost story meets Evil Dead, film posits an even simpler vocabulary. A man with a past is brought on as a security guard of sorts at the home of a troubled woman. But it gets knottier. So much of the quiet tension here is tied to fundamental, primal fears. The dark is well-trod ground in horror, but employed in engaging ways here. It is first introduced subtly, the light in a doorway turning off in between an edit. Outside it is sunny, inside it is inky black, and Isaac is about to be pulled into the mess he’s confronting. Elsewhere, darkness is captured with such profundity that only the frail circle of a flashlight can penetrate but not grant further insight as to what is in the frame. Darkness is an unknown, reluctant to yield its secrets. Frequently a small, circular hole is the only way to perceive the situation, whether by looking or by reaching. Either act is necessary, but risky. You may reach some key (literal or otherwise) to help escape the scenario. But you might be… noticed. The uncanny mother-daughter relationship is never fully elucidated but enough remains to connect the dots in some sense. This is a spiritual reckoning and a reconciliation. At least the dog makes it out in the end.
Humor and horror are intertwined, and here McCarthy proves that in leaning into and then rejecting the rule of threes. So often, tension is established through the revelation of something which we know must eventually change but is still as static as it ought to be in a normal sense. Isaac turning to check on the corpse of the mother as he cuts a hole in the wall divider. The camera registering Isaac in the doorway feeding the dog tied up in the garden. We never quite get the conventional payoff expected, but that only enhances the experience. It knows what it’s doing and turns the expectation by a few degrees. This is furthermore about a rhythm. The edit and camera move with calibrated precision, terrible in the delivery of uncertainty and unease. If we are talking films with animals playing percussion, this is the David Grohl to The Monkey’s Lars Ulrich.
THE RULES
SIP
Someone says 'island' or 'house'.
The doll starts to drum.
Someone looks at a photograph.
BIG DRINK
Someone starts to fall asleep.
Someone reaches through a small hole.
Matango [マタンゴ] (1963)
Monstrous, anonymous conformity proves a common source of anxiety in speculative fiction. American B-movies of the 1950s and 60s made a cottage industry of this, fueled by Red Scare fears of Communism turning individuals into Pod People. So it’s fascinating to see Ishirō Honda co-opt imagery and tropes from that genre while finding a different context for the purpose. There are still scientists and strange, vaguely described phenomena beyond explanation, and damsels being carried off by mutant monstrosities. But this rejects a Communist-Capitalist paradigm, giving the ship that the crew find a more ambiguous origin with its mix of western and Soviet materials found aboard, and tying the fungal horrors to follow within the vocabulary of Japanese atomic trauma and anxiety. As the shipwrecked group succumb to the assimilation of the mushrooms found on this island, they begin to look like hibakusha, blending the pain of the atomic bombings and the cultural scar that wrought on Japan with a sort of release in accepting a new, cursed existence. Besides. Even if you eventually become an animatronic from a third-rate amusement park enchanted forest dark ride, for a brief moment you get some killer sexy blue eyeshadow. Think about the benefits. This goes to show that common narrative beats can be appropriated in any number of contexts and used by storytellers to start digging into more specific underlying fears.
But destructive force can also come from within. Even if the desert island the yacht had found didn’t have mutagenic mushrooms, the crew probably would have done a pretty bang-up job of tearing one another apart regardless. Tensions rise quickly and rifts appear across social divides. As a chartered yacht, most aren’t used to survival needs, the least of which is the CEO of a company who proves so useless he can’t even forage for food much less kill himself if he so desires it. But he makes sure to get a private room on the derelict ship. Fucking leech. Elsewhere men selfishly steal the ever-dwindling rations or go mad and try to form harems of the women aboard the craft. Even with a common goal of getting off the island, and despite the added shared threat of the mushrooms, this is a lost cause.
THE RULES
SIP
Someone says 'mushroom'.
A ship is obviously a model in a shot.
Someone dies or disappears.
BIG DRINK
Rations are stolen.
Someone plays an instrument.
Mushrooms are eaten.
The H-Man [美女と液体人間] (1958)
We won, but at what cost? Goodbye radioactive abominations, hello ecological disaster on the level of the Deepwater Horizon catastrophe! After people start disappearing from the streets of Tokyo, leaving behind their clothes and personal effects, police are baffled. Did gangland violence take a strange new turn, or is it something else entirely? All leads must be pursued, except of course any ideas or information proffered by persistent if pushy assistant professor of biochemistry Masada. Fuck that nerd, amirite? Ishirō Honda, a few years after Godzilla (1954), takes a different look at nuclear anxieties in Japan. While still visceral, dealing with the effects of radiation on the body in a way he would further develop in Matango (1963), The H-Man feels more out of the camp of American B-movies. You have scientific shenanigans, a mystery element, and plenty of time wasted in a nightclub because va-va-VOOM look at those ladies. While it’s definitely less of a watch-checker than some of the other entries in that genre, the pacing does somewhat flag when Detective Tominaga’s investigation is set back time and again by the unexplainable phenomena at hand. It’s perhaps at its best in the central flashback episode on the derelict ship which gives an origin for the H-Man creature, a creepy little atmosphere piece that again will be expounded upon in later Honda works. It may ponder the existential implications of hydrogen bombs through a lens cornily, but really, it’s just about saving the girl in the end. And of course lighting an entire river that drains into Tokyo Bay on fire. What could possibly go wrong!?
While not quite as intricate as the miniatures constructed for Godzilla or evocative as the mushroom-people of Matango, there is a fun potpourri of special effects once we actually let the people start melting. The H-Man entity is essentially if The Blob had the consistency and appearance of Flubber, but could also become a vaguely humanoid presence that makes people turn into a freeze frame optical effect or very wet paper bag. They just don’t do ominous goo like they used to, what can I say?
THE RULES
SIP
Someone says 'drugs' or 'evidence'.
Police start questioning someone.
Tominaga is dismissive of Masada.
Chikako faints.
BIG DRINK
A nightclub number begins (no microphones???).
Someone disappears or melts.
The Moment (2026)
Finally, a film that makes the lighting design to Gaspar Noé’s Lux Æterna look muted and soothing. This chaotic concert rehearsal doc is like This Is Spinal Tap on poppers, harried and frenetic and oozing dread. Charli xcx is fundamentally unserious about her pop star persona, but is also at points vulnerable about how she feels about that. This works or doesn’t work on a few different levels. The overall conceit of clinging to the thing which brought you recognition even to the point of destroying it is played out, and you more or less know where it’s going from the start. But there are quiet moments of self-doubt which have a stronger sense of authenticity to them: while Charli alone in a car after a disastrous rehearsal, wiping off messy makeup, isn’t novel territory, it’s committed and feels right for the moment, overhwhelming in a sense of personal choice rather than too many things happening at once. Same too is the overall tone of the story. Never overtly dramatic, it does vacillate successfully between out-and-out bits, partying (for good or ill), and a sardonic but sincere look at a toxic work environment on the rehearsal set. Alexander Skarsgård’s Johannes is magnificently douchey, insinuating himself into a situation from the outside and slowly committing a coup as he deposes the old art director in the name of something more widely marketable to the Amazon Music audience, and therefore bland and saying nothing. The label are just in it for the bottom dollar. And Charli doesn’t know what the fuck she wants with it, manipulated by others as well as her own insecurity.
But how much of a teardown of the music industry is this, really? Charli xcx has always done her own thing, but she’s not punk and she certainly isn’t counterculture. It could be said that this is mud in the eye of record companies, but is it, though? The Moment delights in mocking Kendall Jenner, existing as a vapid, pointless social media personality who buys into nonsense pseudo-health gimmicks. And the closing trailer for Johannes’ bastardized version of Brat eviscerates the flashy emptiness of Taylor Swift’s The Eras Tour documentary while implying that Amazon Music pumps out trash. But both of these entities signed on and are to some degree self-aware. This is a “safe” drubbing that they okayed to seem cooler, ironically by attaching themselves to Charli xcx’ brand. The film pulls its punches while presenting the illusion of not doing so. But maybe that’s really what Charli and the fanbase at large are about: the fiasco of the “Brat card” bankrupting an entire (foundering) bank because of an idle social media post and then the fanbase at large turning it into some kind of Communist sleeper agent conspiracy makes it all more of a joke. It’s not angry at the system like a punk rocker, it just finds the establishment kind of goofy and unserious.
THE RULES
SIP
Someone says 'Charli' or 'party'.
Cameo from someone from the Charliverse.
The credit card is brought up.
BIG DRINK
Strobing starts.
A song begins, in concert or rehearsal.