The world is often too fast to understand, but here’s how to navigate this one! This world is meant for me to express my writing about things I’m obsessed with in a safe and judgement free area
FYI - NO:
No ageless of minor blogs, you will be blocked. NSFW is not something currently planned to be posted on this account but that is subject to vary.
Kinks I will not write for and are not allowed here:
ALSO- if it isn’t master striker headcannons, I won’t be writing for Chris Prince unless requested bc bro is annoying but if you want that just request I’ll always accept
AND - I don’t directly respond to any requests! I add them to the biscuit oven seen below and post them when ready so just be aware of that! I will post writing containing your request always dw :)
GUYS - I’m aware I have been inactive for a long time now. I promise I’ll come back once I’m able to mentally and create posts from the requests I’ve been sent don’t worry I won’t be gone forever
Normally I don’t make posts like this, however I fear this needs to be heard. We are running out of clean drinking water. In 13 years we will have run out. Currently, over 2 billion people do not have access to clean drinking water. In order to help fight against generative AI and overuse of water, please limit/stop generative AI use. Generative AI is taking from clean water reserves worldwide in order to generate texts, images and videos. Instead of talking to a character bot, write/read some fanfiction. Instead of using ai to draw a photo, teach yourself or use an irl refrence. Help fight against AI and stop it from taking what makes us all human- our own mind and artwork.
“I can’t write without chatGPT” actually I believe you can. every writer writes by their own hands and brain before AI becomes a thing in our daily lives. and many, many writers continue to write by their own hands and brains even in the AI era. I mean sure, I get that AI can make things more convenient for us; we don’t have to do the works ourselves, we just give AI our prompts and sit back. but is some convenience really worth it when the art we get is robotmade with no soul in it? is some convenience really worth sacrificing the joy of writing and creating for? yes, writing can be extremely hard, but as a writer who never uses AI to write for her and has no interest in using AI to write for her, the joy of getting to write and create is worth the effort and difficulty of writing.
I believe you actually can write without chatGPT. you are either just used to the convenience of having robots create soulless works for you or are too scared to start writing by yourself. but as hard and scary as writing can be, trading the joy of getting to write and create for soulless robotmade works will always be such a shame.
remember; writing is art, and it takes practice to master your craft.
I love those posts about what a character is actually like. I feel like ness gets mischaracterised a lot and sometimes bachira
thank you! the mischaracterization in the bllk fandom has always pmo…
bachira isn’t some meek and quiet kid who can’t fight back when someone bullies him; he just doesn’t really care. but if it’s something extremely personal or if someone pisses him off enough, he is perfectly fine with getting violent. (light novel, manga)
ness is not much of a gentleman, and doesn’t really know how to handle his emotions. however, this does not mean that he’s obsessively toxic and attached to whoever he is in love with. this is only with kaiser from the manipulation kaiser has done. (egoist bible, manga)
otoya doesn’t have malicious intent when he cheats on girls (im not defending him; he’s literally my most hated bllk character). he just does whatever he wants, including cheating. he doesn’t mean to hurt the girls he cheat on, he’s just bored. (egoist bible, episode nagi)
sae is someone who cares about his family and is a nostalgic person who loves home. many of his favorite things involve his childhood, such as his favorite show being “maruko chan” or his favorite foods constantly being shipped from home. (egoist bible)
despite being polite, yukimiya actually seems to be one of the meaner blue lock players. other players often comment that “his smile doesn’t reach his eyes” and he does often make snide or crude remarks to isagi, especially during the nel. (egoist bible, implied in manga)
Now look at Barou's shirt number. He has a 10 but...
Reading it from right to left is 01! Just like in Ego's panel!! (Keep this in mind while reading now, please)
Now, for context, in chapter 7, team X (Barous team) had to play against team Z (Isagi's team), a match that Ego called as "The battle to rebuild football from zero".
Barou's and Isagi's team were a complete mess because they all wanted to score, which made them all start stealing the ball from their own teammates.
This messy state stops the moment Barou scores, turning the score from 0 to 1, rebuilding his team order, and taking control over the game.
Barou was the "1" of team X. Barou was the cornerstone of the team around which they'd developed their strategies to win against Isagi.
*
(Doesn't sound familiar? Kaiser has a 10 on his uniform, and BM had him as his cornerstone too. Noa practically trained them while having Kaiser in mind as the focal point of their strategies to scores goals 0.0)
Now, after that, Bachira and Isagi decide that if their going to lose (which happened at the end), they must at least score one goal. Isagi was going to be the one to score until Kunigami asked Isagi for the ball, and Isagi passed it to him, letting him have the opportunity to score instead.
Now let's take a look at Kunigami's dorsal number!
It's a 9! He scored a goal so... 9+1=10!
10! just like Barou's dorsal number! and remember the first panel I showed of Ego and the one of Barou! Read 10 from right to left -> 01. Kunigami became the "1" of team Z turning when he turned the score from 0 to 1!
Now... why is this "becoming the 1" so relevant in these chapters? Let's look at chap.6 title:
"1 = Individual"
In other official translations, like the Spanish one, instead of individual they translated it to "individuality" and I find it more correct than individual. Although both could work depending on the context so I'll use both.
(If anybody has the Japanese translation, please tell me or correct me. I don't know how to find them :'D)
Back to the meaning of the "1", if the title of chap.6 is stating a fact in Blue Lock's world (that 1 = individual/individuality) then characters that have a 10 as their dorsal number could mean or represent that those characters are the embodiment of individuality / their own individual.
I believe this is true because Isagi's lesson in these chapters was to be his own individual, to reject that initial idea he had of always passing the ball to his teammates instead of being him the one to score. To "embrace" his individual desire of scoring a goal and "have his moment."
Barou tells him that in his own way and Isagi also notices that he hadn't changed that habit yet:
The fact that Barou was the one who told him this was no coincidence!!
He's the "1" of the team, the cornerstone. The only footballer that embodies his own individual and this individuality is one of a king. His own teammates recognise him as such.
Isagi himself says that Barou doesn't start from zero like the rest. He's straight up the 1!
* (Look at the panels above. The ones with a red asterisk on top. In those panels, Isagi says that Barou was the "1" right away. Tumblr image limit doesn't let me put more images, sorry😔)
Now... What I'm trying to prove with all this is 2 things about the meaning of the number on their dorsals:
the number 10 has something to do with the concepts of individuality / individual (1 = individual / individuality). It could mean the character embodies his own concept of individuality or has a clear idea of themselves as an individual, like Barou in these first chapters* seeing himself as "The King".
*he later on gets his ideals crushed by Isagi but that doesn't take away the fact that he had a clear perception of his individuality before so i think the point still stands.
the number 9 could represent a character who's potentially going to develop a sense of individuality or that they're evolving their previous idea of individuality. Like I showed before with Kunigami, who had a 9 in his dorsal, and after scoring, he turned the 0 into a 1 for the team, making him become the "1" *
*it wasn't as relevant to the plot or for Kunigami's character because they lost the match but I think, and if my point is right, the author still gave him the opportunity to score for 2 possible reasons:
to establish this dynamic of individuality and on the process to achieve individuality and
as a trigger for Isagi's seach for his own individuality.*
My gosh, how many times have I written "individual" and "individuality" already😭
* BTW, I think Isagi is still struggling with this thing of finding his individual self on the field despite having grown a lot from chap.1 to current chapters, and I think chap.281 proves this:
* The difference now is that he's now competing against the best of the best players what I think is a correct path for him since he's been thinking that he's one of them for a long time now... and that's definitely not the case. He still needs a lot to learn (this gives me hopes because the author might give his character more depth, but maybe I'm delusional).
Now, back to what i was saying. To prove my point properly I'd have to look for every relevant character on the manga that has these numbers on their dorsals and argue how they are depictions of this dynamic (I could do it in multiple parts while I'm now rereading the manga but I'd take me time since I've got a long way until I reach current chapters.)
Also❕️
I mainly wrote this because I feel like it works with Kaiser and Noa's dynamic, or it could be related somehow (I'll make it relate, idc, this has gotten longer than i thought)
The reason I believe this it's because of these panels of them:
Noa has the number 9
Kaiser has the number 10
Noa states that he's constantly evolving, that the title of the best was not something he was looking forward to. This puts Noa in a constant state of potentially achieving a new sense of individuality... Like he's constantly creating and destroying every new individual he reaches.
The thing with Noa is that he does not care about him being perceived by the rest as an specific "individual", he doesn'tcare about titles.
The world gave him the title of Number 1 (of the "1" I've been yapping about this whole time) but he doesn't recognise it. He actually believes that the real threat is MBappe- Loki (AND LOKI DOES HAVE THE NUMBER 10 ON HIS DORSAL!!1!1!1)
Now my glorious blue eyed king Kaiser has always been the "1" of BM (and of my heart) but it was because of Noa's plan.
Now Kaiser has rejected Noa's plan, creating his new story, hence, creating his own individual / acknowledging his own individuality. Kaiser is turning the 0 to a 1, his "zero self" into a goal (however it was blocked by Loki, another individual just like Kaiser. They basically clash because they're both the "1" of their respective teams).
If I'm right, this could possibly mean that if BM wins this match, it will due to Kaiser's goal, making him be the "1" of his team and proving, through soccer to Noa, that he is his own individual.
.
.
.
Now, I think I'll leave it here because this is already long and I don't want it to be longer (I've also reached the image limit so I can't properly prove my points if I don't show the source of them, i feel like I'm lying lol)
This post was inspired by @mvrdermeharder (Hiiii, i hope im not bothering you by @ you here!) posts about the dorsal's numbers. I liked them lot so go check them too please! :)
❕️This post is only my take on this topic since I also think they have meaning, so this was just my interpretation❕️
If anyone has read this until the end let me just tell you that ily and let's be mutuals if we aren't yet🫶
Also @lorenzobbg you wanted me to @ so HELLOO I hope you enjoy this silly analysis if you read it<33
Before this chapter (278), I knew that he is the World's Best Striker, but after this chapter (278), I can see why he is the World's Best Striker. He is literally him. It's like looking at some kind of genius mastermind of some sort. The "Instead of assisting my teammates to win 1-0, it feels better to pull off a hat trick and lose 3-4" makes so, so much more sense now!
I won't lie, till now, his character did seem pretty bland to me—just some dude established as someone at the top of the game who was, in the end, going to adopt the protagonist in some way and then the sappy ending of student winning over the mentor.
Oh boy was I wrong.
The curveball he just threw at me, hurled me outta this universe. And just like in Loki's case, I feel like a fool once again since I have misunderstood Noa's whole character.
Firstly:
You know how some things just stand out for no reasons at all? Like, it's a trivial thing, but it just keeps on silently scratching the back of your head—the above panel happened to be that exact thing for me. My dumb ahh was really thinking, "Tf they talking about?" when I first saw this panel.
Before this small exchange, Noa was taking about how there are two philosophies in BM—and it depicted Kaiser and Isagi in the opposite of eachother—and this is exactly when, according to me, the whole Kaiser Vs Isagi rivalry's roots got firmly cemented. Yes, I do understand this rivalry started when Kaiser grabbed Isagi by his chin, but hear me out, okay?
You see this thing above?
Yes. Exactly.
We were told that BM's basic principle is Logic and Rationality, and considering Noa's personality, one can assume that Blue Lock-ers in this team would've been coerced into following this motto too, but Noa didn't do remotely anything like that. In fact, in all the other NEL teams, the coaches low-key molded the Blue Lock-ers to their respective mottos whereas Noa remained hands-off throughout everything—one of the main reasons why the majority of the Fandom considered him the worst coach in NEL.
But, well, I used to use this (above) reason to defend him—that he isn't tampering with Blue Lockers' originalities by letting them do things on their own accords just like Ego used to do.
Keyword: I used to.
Because I really don't know what to feel now that I've a whole different perspective in my hands—look at this:
These are Kaiser's words.
Kaiser was, in a way, already competing against Noa in BM, and now Isagi was added into the equation too which made him more hostile. I mean, instead of disregarding the rather, comparatively, un-rational philosophy of the Blue Lock-ers, Noa was accepting it and giving it room to grow! And if this philosophy won, then Kaiser (not in a literal sense) would be wiped off of the team! Further, it also seems like a small jab of, "You think you are the shit? Then prove yourself." which Kaiser was able to sense, and that's why, I think, he asked, "Are you testing me?"
Secondly:
LMFAO LAVINHO'S FACE! THIS IS MY FAV PANEL OF HIM!
I highly admired Noa for never stepping in the field until and unless the opposite team's coach had stepped in. It used to be my favourite argument for defending Noa's coaching ability. And just like my previous point, I can't look at this the same way anymore.
Of course, he isn't wrong—the coaches stepping in definitely throws off the balance in the field. But, well, if the power dynamics shift too abruptly and too much, it would tip off Kaiser and that'd ruin Noa's plan for the NEL—it would also tip off Isagi which would also ruin Noa's plan for the NEL.
So, in short and straightforward words, he always stepped in the field for the sake of himself and not for the sake of younger players in his team.
Thirdly:
This convo happened after Shidou's goal—PxG's first goal in their match with BM.
Right after these words left Loki's mouth, Noa went out to make changes in the positions of BM—he went out to suggest things and all just like an actual coach would do. And though this panel stood out to me in an odd way, I also remember finding it so damn hilarious for him, seemingly, being threatened by a mere 17 year old—I was actually going to make fun of him for this when this chapter (253) came out, but then I guess I chose to do otherwise.
I think it's because before this chapter (253) dropped, I was going to make a wholesome post about the possible relation between Noa and Loki since they are from the same national team—some kind of Father-Son relation. But then the I saw their convo and felt embarrassed, and probably decided to not talk about them till more of their story got revealed.
Now their convo makes a lot of sense in a different way.
And lastly:
I remember being caught so off guard by this. Like, till that point, Noa had never ever talked regarding Kaiser in such a way—it nearly felt as if he were rooting for him, and I found it so sweet that I even included it here.
But now that we have a bigger picture, it doesn't seem that much sweet to me anymore.
I can't understand how I dismissed his poker face in the (above) panel as simply his usual emotionless self when it clearly looks like he isn't surprised at all—like he knew what was unfolding in front of him beforehand, like he was expecting it and.. he was quite literally expecting it, didn't he?
All this time I thought that Loki was the sneakiest about his personal goals in NEL meanwhile Noa was two steps ahead from the start.
OKAY so the only thing I want to say about yesterday's spoilers (Ness backstory) is that borderliner* Ness is canon now lol
✅ explosive anger
✅ feeling neglected, alone, misunderstood most of the time
✅ low self-esteem and the resulting self-hatred
✅ strong, overwhelming emotions
(feelings that can't be explained == too high (for average person) bursts of them. Inability to handle them)
✅ black and white thinking
(Isagi's either good (tosses to Kaiser) or bad (doesn't toss to Kaiser) lol)
✅ fear of abandonment + self-harm
✅ very intense, frequent, extreme emotional swings
(difference of one second)
(difference of one second pt.2)
✅ maladaptive daydreaming
✅ determining one's value through relationships with others
✅ unstable relationships
I'm really disappointed that chapter haven't shown Ness' attempts to gain his parents and siblings love but, eh, okay. I can work with that
*
A little background on who people with borderline personality disorder are and where do they come from.
(Of course, each case is unique. I'm talking about the average manifestation of the disorder here.)
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a type of personality disorder in which a person is unstable, hypersensitive, highly anxious, and has no sense of self (no feeling of identity). One in ten patients end up committing suicide.
In fact, borderliners are people with no emotional skin. What for a stable person is a small domestic nuisance - for a borderliner is boundless terror, fear, a complete sense of helplessness and overwhelming self-loathing. Are you sick? It's your fault, you're worthless. You forgot your pass and had to buy an underground ticket? You're disgusting, step under a train right now. You forgot the food in the fridge and it spoilt? Don't you dare eat for another three days, punish yourself, cut yourself because you're nothing. That's not an exaggeration, it's true. And then you see an advert with a doggy and you laugh until you cry and all is fine.
It's like that dozens of times in one day.
Why do borderliners work this way? Heredity plays a role (which in Ness's case can be seen, for example, by the fact that he reacted acutely to some things even as a child), but to a greater extent, of course, the family, because when BPD is treated in the early stages, it is more easily reduced to remission (but does not disappear completely - it is like the core of the personality). Speaking of family types, typically borderliners come out of families with a narcissistic parent or the same borderline. Why exactly is that the case?
Because life with a narcissist/borderliner parent is an endless battlefield in which the child is forced to survive. Any emotion you have, if it doesn't fall under the parent's incomprehensible ideas, is repulsive. Any request you make and attempt to speak your mind is a violation of all laws and the worst offence. Today you're the golden child, tomorrow you're trash. Today your mom says she loves you, and tomorrow she blames you for divorcing your dad. Today dad likes the tea you made him, tomorrow he'll throw it in your face. It's a constant violation of personal space, an inability to have privacy, an impossibility to defend your interests - and yet a staggering neglect, a removal of the child from your life. Parents in such families usually divide their children into "golden" and "outcast" children, emphasising in every possible way how terrible the lousy sheep of the family (the outcast child) is, and encouraging bullying by their siblings.
Sounds similar to Ness's story, doesn't it?
In such families, the child by the age of 6 or 7 already knows that he is disgusting, horrible, and must do anything to avoid being abandoned - because the parents emphasise in every possible way that he is horrible, but they (for now) keep him out of mercy. A child learns by the slightest movement of the eyebrows and corner of the mouth to know when mom loves you and when she hates you, when dad is good and when he's bad.
The childhood of such children is a battlefield, and they come out of it emotionally disabled. For example, a very common consequence of living in such a family, in addition to BPD, is PTSD. Yeah, like war veterans.
(and by the way, borderliners VERY often end up paired with… Narcissists. Because it's a familiar love-hate game. And on top of that, also a beautiful (non-existent) personality to take a bite out of for your non-existent self))
Aka just some rambles about Sae and his personality, not really proof read
I think Sae as a character is sort of convoluted, but not necessarily for the reasons most people would think. In terms of soccer when you view him he seems sort of unreachable, after all, he is a prodigy and he’s got a great brain. But who is Sae outside of that bubble of soccer?
Well, he’s a blunt, singularly focused, asshole type of guy… but I think he’s also someone who values domesticity and comfort, and that he’s someone who deeply cherishes his close ones.
I think a great example of this is apparent with his brother. But he’s been shown to take the fall for Rin consistently when he messed up (ex. Rin breaking his toys) and even being there to comfort Rin when Rin wonders if no one will like him due to his more off putting personality traits. Sae doesn’t offer false comfort by saying that people will like Rin, instead he says that even if no one likes him, his older brother will always be there for him.
Even later on, when Rin and Sae have their confrontation, Sae’s choices of words are harsh, but underneath it, there’s honest advice. That advice being that Rin, if he really wants to be a pro player, should stop seeing football as a way to bond with his brother and find his own appreciation for the game untethered by other people. Even when Sae says that he’s never seen Rin as anything but an eyesore, he’s pushing Rin away, not to further his own goals, but to further Rin’s goals by helping Rin move away from depending on Sae. Obviously, that doesn’t exactly work due to Rin’s obsessive tendencies, but it’s clear that Sae has been doing two things: one, really testing if Rin wants to play soccer and two, making sure that Rin knows what lies ahead on his path to become a pro.
I think these reasons show some insight into his childhood and his personality. Once again, two main points, one, that some part of Sae mourns his childhood/ a loss of the sense of normalcy and two that Sae is a deeply considerate person.
Obviously, daily interactions aren’t exactly shown in the manga, but there are a few key hints to the fact that Sae does crave this comfort and most of these come from the Egoist Bible.
The first thing that stood out to me is that his favorite anime is Crayon Shin-Chan, which is targeted towards children, which I think furthers my point for his sense of longing for those unburdened childhood days. This is also interesting to me because his favorite movie is Taxi Driver which is a drastic leap in genre change and could serve as a contradiction to what I said before about him craving comfort. However, despite the somewhat violent and unsettling nature of Taxi Driver, the director himself stated that the movie “…arose from my feeling that movies are really a kind of dream-state…”, which I believe serves to show the type of comfort that Sae seeks out. The movie also is largely about male loneliness which could serve to reflect Sae’s mental state being both isolated in his own country as a prodigy and in Spain as an outsider.
The second thing that stood out to me was that Sae’s least favorite food was French fries. Now normally this wouldn’t mean much, but I think it’s interesting to note that Sae doesn’t hate French Fries, he actually thinks that they’re “addictive”, and that the only reason he doesn’t like them is that they’re unhealthy. I think it’s interesting that his least favorite food wasn’t something he disliked, but rather something that he craved but wouldn’t allow himself to have because he’s so committed to football. It makes you think about what other things Sae must have given up, what average everyday things he found solace in that he felt like he needed to remove, that he now finds distaste in, simply because he can no longer enjoy them unburdened.
Finally, the last and the most heart wrenching piece from the Egoist Bible is the question of what he would do if he didn’t play football, and he finds that he can’t even provide an answer. Because for Sae, his whole life, since he was one, has been focused on honing one talent, and everything else has seemed to fall second, only becoming important when he needs it to further that one skill. Perhaps that’s why he values the simple things outside of football, because he never even got a chance to develop a taste for anything outside of that bubble. And maybe that’s why he was so harsh towards his brother, someone who he saw as unburdened by his talent, slowly growing into someone like him.
I love snuffy so much because it really shows you what it feels like to be on the other side of extreme egoistic ideology with no balance. Snuffy and Isagi are rational egoists, people who understand that you cant be a bigheaded jackass all the time and that only practice makes perfect. But with Isagi..hes still just starting out. He has only seen overshooting amd overestimating on small scales ro the point where most times HE looks like the villan crushing peoples small hopes..
And ego is just pushing this further and further, altering the bllk boys mindsets and what Isagi deems as success. He isn't really giving them any back ups because similar to Mick's situation..once you get a taste for a certain amount of success you can't fathom dialing it back even if you're set to crash and burn from how little you're taking care of yourself.
Snuffy has seen this play out. He's seen this type of behavior. And for the first time in the main blue lock story it's being shown through another character in a nefarious and truly dangerous light. Like we all laugh at the weird kinda cringe lines that Isagi says but it hasn't been contextualized in story yet because no one else thinks it's weird to say shit like
Well that. So for Snuffy to be so adverse to and cautious of that go big or you've completely failed mentality is so refreshing. Between that and Noa's "You aren't God." line and Chris warning the boys about not listening to their body I think the mentor arc is really meant to recontextualize their behavior and show the downsides of this ideology and how bad it fails when it does.
Bluelock headcanons except it's the bluelock TV fandom
• rin and sae stans have crazy beef. You know they were making edits to 'the winner takes it all' by abba after the u20 match and sae stans were commenting 'womp womp' and similar sentiments
• There are 3 kinds of players regarding ships,
1. Actively feeds (trolls) the shippers (eg: hiori)
2. Unintentionally feeds the shippers (eg: isagi, rin, otoya)
3. Reonagi and ryusae
• someone started a petition to eliminate isagi from bluelock for 'unsportsmanlike behaviour' and spread it around to get signatures
• Ness has an alt account that's just an isagi hate page
• he did not start the petition but by gods did he spread it around (lowkey was jealous he hadn't thought of it first)
• ego has a tumblr blog and that's his only social media page
• the name is 'actuallyegojinpachi' but his pfp is one of those ego pictures with an edited on pink sparkly bow so no one believes him
• he actively spreads misinformation and bullshit theories so no one believes him even when he reveals real info
• it's crazy popular, and he exists as one of the starting pillars of the fandom
• nagi regularly retweets fanart of him and reo, so it's just gaming, gaming, gaming, reo oiled up wearing a collar on his knees, gaming, gaming
• literally every product yukimiya has worked with sold out overnight after his debut on bastard munchen (including a toothpaste brand for old people)
• There was a frenzied search for whatever no name brand shampoo and conditioner bluelock has after chigiri let it slip in some interview that his hair care was literally only whatever was there.
• kunigami fans have pfps of him edited with like emo stuff (think dark eyeshadow, chains etc)
• There was a character lookalike contest and chigiri's sister won as him
• there's a twitter page that's does a 'x days since reonagi miscommunication bullshit'
• aryu is a Pinterest girl kaneshiro told me in a dream
• There is a dedicated subreddit for 'bluelock TV milfs'
it's so hilarious how yukimiya is canonically the unluckiest character, i imagine he would have such a hard time trying to impress his crush.
being a model, yukimiya knows his angles and how to carry himself, but somehow, you never catch him in the most flattering positions. the first time you meet, you see him trying to catch the snack his friend was going to throw into his mouth, but his friend sneezes right when the snack is launched and yukimiya gets hit in the eye (yes, the snack somehow gets past his glasses. how does that even happen?). on another day, he sees you stranded at a bus stop near the school because it's pouring and you didn't have an umbrella, but when he walks towards you in hopes of getting to share his umbrella with you, he slips on a puddle and lands on his butt with a splash.
while yukimiya always has a smile on his face, his close friends would know that it isn't always genuine, and behind his polite friendliness, he loved to gossip. the unfortunate thing is, you've caught him more than once in a less than ideal situation. for example, after politely rejecting a classmate's confession, he turned around to roll his eyes because she could barely give a good reason beyond his looks for why she had feelings for him, just for you to be right in front of him to see his scoff up close. ah, not to mention that one time you overheard yukimiya snickering with his friends about a teacher looking like a turtle. it still keeps him up at night sometimes.
yukimiya knows that it's impossible to keep up his smile all the time, but at the very least, he wants you to always see him smiling, so he makes sure to try extra hard whenever you're around. or at least whenever he thinks you're around.
it's one of those days when everything is just a little too much to bear, so yukimiya excuses himself from soccer training to catch a breath in a corner of the school compound, hidden from view behind a vending machine. but of course, it's just his luck that you happen to use the one next to him, out of all the vending machines in the school. he brushes off your concern when you ask why he's crouched on the ground, and he slaps on a smile as he tries to distract you with some small talk. yet, you seem unconvinced, so you buy him a drink and crouch next to him.
in your bid to comfort him, you recount the silly situations you've seen him in, not realising that he's burying his face deeper into his hands with every word you say. you let it slip that you think these sides of him are cute, and although many, including himself, think of yukimiya as calm and composed, he looks up at you with wide eyes and an uncontrollable blush.
tw// childhood trauma, violence, reference to possible SA in his past, my writing cause I didn’t proffered this
PHYSICAL TOUCH!! Friends, lovers or even just acquaintances, he has the bad habit of seeking touch, small or big doesn’t matter. From shoving to fidgeting. It’s different obviously base on the relationship you have with him. Are you two friends? Expect playful shoves, ruffling each other’s hair, if sat together legs or shoulders will touch casually. He is the type of person to laugh and slap your shoulder while laughing.
If you two are lovers: hand holding (he does that thing of rubbing his thumb on the back of your hand), kisses, hair ruffling, legs intertwined, hugs from the back, nibbling/biting. Pressing his forehead against yours. SQUEEZES. Especially if you have more fat on you, he would *love* it. The need to hold you close and squish your rolls or chub.
I personally see him as unlabelled. I know a lot like to hc him as gay. And it does make sense, but one can flirt with guys and it doesn’t erase the possibility of being into women too. That said, I do believe he has a preference for guys, especially aesthetically, but ultimately his choice of a partner would be base on mental compatibility and aesthetic attraction, no gender. I feel he is into someone who truly enjoys being their true self and doesn’t conform to society norms, more on this in a sec.
He is complex, as we see glimpses of this in the “egoist bible” and during his internal dialogue (like in the U20 arc). I don’t think he would be a bad boyfriend, but neither would he be perfect. Objectively speaking, he does have a rough, almost explosive side. But that’s a side he brings onto the football field. How he is outside of football we don’t really know. He is shown to be someone who values uniques, and also strength, complimenting other players strengths. He is not a demon, he just so happens to be a human with a deep complex personality. He seems to value peace in his life outside of football, which is something you don’t expect from him. Because he gets presented as this brute individual and yet he is the same who pops out this answers: “What made you cry recently?” At the end of the day when I become nothing, tears come out.
“What will you do on your last day on earth” Watch it as it reaches its end
“How would you spend your day off?” Be free from everything and become nothing
His answers are, intense, are they not? Which leads me to several thoughts. 1) He is very lonely. Using humour and anger to defend himself, a common trait of children who were abused, neglected in their childhood.
2) base on this, I feel in a relationship he would enjoy someone who has similar vibes to him but ultimately is different. Someone he can be chaotic with, someone he can laugh as loud as he wants, someone with who he can gossip and still have deep conversations at the same time. Ultimately, an artistic partner would be the best. Not only because he is into art, mostly as a way to cool down and shut down his brain, but because an artist or even a writer can see the world under different shades of colours rather than in greyscale. Classical introverted x extrovert duo, with the exception that the introvert individual becomes as extrovert as him when they are alone. His partner is his ancor. He will need to feel at peace from the turmoil inside of him.
3)his home life was not the happy kind. Now, this has been long speculated and I will give my 50 cents on the matter. Let’s analyse his favourite movie, manga and song:
Music > hide. Especially "Pink Spider"
Movie > "A Clockwork Orange"
Manga > "Chainsawman"
On the base line all three explore the darker sides of humanity, the need for personal freedom, and the consequences of defying societal norms. They create a raw and intense narrative about self-destruction, survival, and transformation.
But if we dive deeper > the movie mainly depicts SA, it’s a twist mix of violence, societal injustices and lack of free will… “Chainsaw man” it’s all about violence, power imbalance and manipulation. Denji was a tool from the start to end (again, lack of free will). The song, explored themes of internal chaos, the darkness in humanity, destruction and emotional turbulence and the psychological tool that that violence and abuse leaves on people.
I mean… can it be any more obvious? His whole character is shown to be this brute, rude, violent individual but slowly we are being feed details into his insight. Like how deeply philosophical he is, artistic and yet he is genuinely over sexualised. Maybe is a reach, but I don’t think that movie, the song and the manga choice are casual. They are a mirror image into the possibility that his childhood was pretty much terrible. That his sexual comments, which come off as almost distasteful, and feel icky in a way, are a projection of what he went through. Trying to use a distorted sense of humour and the violence he grew up with, to shield himself from what’s his personal life and past.
Like when he was locked up, his reaction was intense. He was close to begging to be set free. Again— lack of freedom, he hates not being able to be free. Something could have been taken away from him in the past. Maybe is as simple as a culture thing— as we know Japan is a rather modest country with certain unspoken rules. Its traditional outlook on things such as gender and sexuality are the total opposite of Shidou’s persona. His appearance is loud, his personality is loud and it alls screams “look at me I’m here” and yet at the end of the day he is still a lonely being.
I recently reread the U20 chapter where he enters on the field. His inner monologue he uses biology (specifically fertilization) as an analogy to scoring. Many people interpret it as him making a connection to sex, but for me, it didn’t read as such. Maybe it’s my literature student nerd ass, but, I took from his inner monologue a sense of need in terms of leaving a mark onto this world. He speaks how art leaves a mark, so does books, buildings and obviously children, showing the family legacy. Proof that something existed before them.
Shidou feels that his legacy, his needs, are validated through scoring. He feels seen, people are cheering. He is leaving a mark. Which ultimately could be validating a lack of emotional attention he received when he was a child. To me, all of these references and the constant sexual innuendos are a meaning for something deeper. We saw how each character with a heavy backstory has a trait or something in them that screams “something is not right”. Like Rin’s personality being a result of what happened between him and Sae.
Can’t think of anything else to add, maybe I will add something later. If you have any opinions, I am more than willing to read them!! Feel free to reblog/comment :))
Waittt are you and SlowCatsisland the same person or different acc and different people? I think I assumed you had two blogs because your names were so similar lol
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Hehe yess I am the same person with two different blogs! I wanted to keep my content organized and I thought this would be the best way lol ideally if I was a more productive person I’d have a whole collection of ‘slowcats’ blogs for numerous fandoms
