tw disordered eating

24 🕊 she/her 🕊 sw:158 cw:139.1 gw:110

[slowly-falling-tiny-angel]

Intro to my blog:

Major TW for anything ED related. If you’re in recovery, I fully support you and am sending you all love and good vibes, but this is not the place for you.

This is where I rant or otherwise use this space to get thoughts out of my head that I don’t have a space to say them otherwise.

So grateful for this community for helping me not feel so alone. I hope I can be that for you too🕊🍓

That said,

Here are my stats:

SW: 158

LW: 114.6

CW: 139.1 🫠 as of 10/15/24 at 5’4”

Gw1: 140

Gw2: 135

Gw3: 130

Gw4: 125

Gw5: 120

Gw6: 115

Ugw: 110🤩

[barelyybones]

loosing weight you’ve already lost before is so boring

[slowly-falling-tiny-angel]

Cigarettes and red wine really is the best dinner

[jnnea-deactivated20230823]

i feel pretty when im hungry

[slowly-falling-tiny-angel]

Thinspø seriously is so motivating. Whenever I feel tempted to eat outside of my plan, I just scroll through Pinterest and suddenly I’m not hungry anymore lol

[slowly-falling-tiny-angel]

Update on OMAD: still going strong!! I only eat when I’m with my husband, (excluding my morning caffeine that’s usually a latte, but while I count the calories, I don’t count that as a meal.) still making slow progress towards my ugw, but hoping the “slow” means “sustainable” and g-o-n-e f-o-r-e-v-e-r

[slowly-falling-tiny-angel]

The biggest difference this time around has been the ultimate realization and decision to choose seeking the body I want over the food I want.

[leonardospoetry]

Too many days and nights  passed through the body  and slowly took  the body away.  Where is that child?  Where is that childhood? I drift in the tides of time  and lose myself wave  after wave.

[slowly-falling-tiny-angel]

I know it’s getting bad again when I saw a video with cute mealspo that was using toddler plates and I thought it was another ed account but it was deadass meals for a toddler💀💀

[slowly-falling-tiny-angel]

Went to the doctors yesterday and they drew a lot of blood, and the nurse asked if I had eaten yet that day (it was 11:30am) and I said “no, not yet,” and my husband was in the room with me and by the look on his face I knew I was gonna get shit for not having eaten anything yet and sure enoughhhhhhh as soon as we got back in the car he immediately goes “why haven’t you eaten anything yet?? You know you need to eat breakfast” which really pissed me off bc 1. no I don’t need to eat breakfast, 2. I don’t need to eat anything if I don’t want to, and 3. I didn’t even feel lightheaded after getting my blood drawn so I was completely fine, but I ended up eating a big lunch to try to show him I’m eating enough but then in doing so, spent all my calories for the day. We had dinner plans with another couple but thankfully they cancelled so I was able to stay in my calorie deficit. But now I have to be really careful about sharing what I eat, and making sure I’m only eating in front of him to make sure I stay in my limits.

He always makes comments that I don’t eat anything, or I don’t eat enough, but then heavily compliments me on my weight loss so like ?? You can’t get both.

[slowly-falling-tiny-angel]

I was feeling a binge coming on so I put on 1,000lbs Sisters and let me tell y’all—that binge feeling is gone.

[slowly-falling-tiny-angel]

Despite feeling so shitty, I’m glad that my ED has gotten to the point where 90% of food that’s outside my plan for the day looks absolutely disgusting. Like I’m hungry, but not that hungry.

[slowly-falling-tiny-angel]

This morning started off so good when I learned that I lost another pound, but then out of no where I got super anxious and self conscious like so bad that I had plans to go out and go to a few of my favorite stores but I suddenly couldn’t stand the sight of myself in the mirror no matter what I did or what outfit I put on so I’ve just stayed home and started drinking (still counting those calories ofc) but I seriously don’t understand what’s wrong with me. Like yeah I still have 35lbs to go until my ugw but I can see the weight loss already and have been feeling confident the past few days, so I don’t understand what triggered me to feel so fucking shitty. I hate my brain sometimes. Why does it do this to me?!

[slowly-falling-tiny-angel]

I forgot how hard plain Diet Coke goes. Like it’s just ✨perfection✨ in a can.

[slowly-falling-tiny-angel]

Trying out OMAD for the first time and it’s been going really well! I only eat dinner since me and hubby always eat dinner together, and I have a new fitness watch that’s literally the most accurate calorie tracker on the market so I know exactly how many calories to eat in that meal to meet my deficit goal for that day. I’ve already lost 2.5lbs in a week. I’m a huge fan of high res because it’s sustainable for me and keeps me from binging, and eating dinner makes sure I have enough energy the next morning for work and getting a workout in. Then I just meet my water intake goal while waiting for hubby to come home to eat together🤍

The watch is called “whoop” and it’s expensive, but so so so so so so worth it. Bc of how accurate it is I know it’s not possible for me to gain since I don’t eat over what I’ve burned for the day. If you can afford it, I definitely recommend it!!

[slowly-falling-tiny-angel]

I feel so emotionally hollow that feeling physically hollow just makes sense. There’s no food that sounds even remotely appetizing rn. Nothing is worth ending this empty feeling that so perfectly matches my mind.

[slowly-falling-tiny-angel]

Been gone for a while… I’m emotionally and physically devastated having to live through my second miscarriage. I really really really wanted to be successful and start a family with the love of my life. Feeling completely out of control and furious with my body. There’s one thing I know that will give me a sense of control and punish my body at the same time, so here we go again💔