It’s wierd being 30, or I’m turning 30 this year. I’ve been told basically that the peak of my womanhood is 16-17, through the media and just basically how people treat young women versus old woman (23+) 30 is basically dead. That’s how everyone treats it. The clothes I’m suppose to wear are boring and depressing, shapeless. Every piece of clothing looks like a fucking square. I can’t have my old hobbies, be my own person, be content in myself as a singular human being. My life should be over and sacrificed to my kids and husband.
Like I hear dudes in their 40s tell me they’re young and got a lot to offer, who swears up and down he’s in great shape, really good looking, charming, good enough for a young girl, but the idea of dating a woman his age makes him wince. Only young women exist, only they are beautiful and have value. My dad even made it a point to date women younger than me. A girl who gave him some attention at a bar, 23 to his 50 something, he instantly was obsessed with. Blowing up her Facebook for more time with her, no pride, no dignity. He looked desperate, but she was young and he told everyone, literally called me the morning after to tell me he got with a girl younger than me and then quickly hung up to tell more people. He was so excited, some young girl was interested in him because her youth is valued and gives value to sad old men who need validation.
I can see why young women are so valuable. Youth is fleeting, which makes it rare, which gives it value, but they are also much more easily manipulated, easier to control, a perfect mix for insecure empty old men who want to be validated, but not challenged. Older women don’t offer that. And I say this being almost 30, and knowing 30 isn’t really actually old, just in media and shit it’s ancient, but in reality, it isn’t. I know this as a fact, but it’s hard to believe when I’m seeing women of my age less and less. Like we are slowly just disappearing into the background. Yet there is no shortage of old men doing all kinds of things at all ages.
And eventually the only woman my age on screen will be a grandmother at 35 with two lines whose glad her 19 year old granddaughter found a 47 year old man to love her.
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