Who Says That You Can't Live Forever?

Lana | 29 | Libra | INFJ | Perfectionist | Slytherin | Usually Overwhelmed | Wanderer

[perfectday1972]

[mwya]

Remembering things fondly is all fun and games until. The missing

[scribeherself]

It’s friday and I am once again thinking about how Virginia Woolf said “arrange whatever pieces come your way” and she was talking about writing but she was ALSO talking about making a little cheese plate for one and sitting on your floor and that’s beautiful.

[slytherintoperfection]

[slytherintoperfection]

IX

When I called my father to ask if I could come home, I knew that I said “Can I be done yet?” - not do you love me, not do I love me, but can I rest. Have I performed enough to be worthy?

[slytherintoperfection]

VIII

A woman bought two cats to balance what was bent, she'd lived so long on slanted floors she'd forgotten what straight meant. One cat was loud, one cat was still, they moved like wrong and right — and they all lived together in the first room she chose by her own light.

[slytherintoperfection]

VII

One day I found a meadow in the maze

And I decided to stay there

Scary beings would sometimes enter the meadow,

but it no longer would send me out in panic to the darkness searching

And then I realized that all the people I ran into in the maze had their own meadows

Touchstones that I could never see

And finally I felt new compassion for the little girl who was lost too young

If I had a meadow at the start, maybe the maze would have been easier to navigate the whole time Written 2022

[slytherintoperfection]

VI

When I look back at the events that launched me into the underworld, I understand now that the pining wasn't the wound speaking to me. It was the painkiller. My body knew before my mind. It always has. I was clinging to the idea of being someone in the future I couldn't see yet.

[slytherintoperfection]

V

So Long ?

The tightening happened slowly and then everywhere at once.

Going to the grocery store together became an anxiety-inducing experience — which sounds silly but he would constantly tell me I wasn't paying enough attention to the people around me. I was inconvenient. In the way. This was a common refrain at home too, particularly in the kitchen.

[slytherintoperfection]

IV

I'm 12 now and I see a starting line

Everyone I know is next to me and I wonder why

I hear a gun go off and people run in every direction

I take off too in search of connection

And now I'm running down the street, but I don't see my surroundings

There's no time to stop and talk, the future is always coming

I continue running but now years have passed, I turn to look behind me and I no longer see anyone. 

I decide maybe I can slow down and take another road but it's been 14 years and this race is all I've ever known. Written 2022

[slytherintoperfection]

Mirror, mirror on the wall I caught a glimpse, and did not like what I saw Not the fairest. Not the worst. Just a girl who never learned to put herself first. Written 2024

[slytherintoperfection]

III

I am not someone that carefully weighs decisions before I jump in. I am someone who always jumps knowing there’s no parachute and I attempt to find meaning along the way. I have often stumbled and struggled and instead of running away from these experiences, I pushed myself harder to meet the requirements necessary to prove something to myself about my worth.

I sacrificed everything at this altar that I made — to manifest a version of myself that I'll always chase

[witchesversuspatriarchy]

Wholesome Wednesday Vibes

[escuerzoresucitado]

[princesssokphanny]

A once-in-a-lifetime shot — the moon perfectly framed by a rainbow. Caught at just the right time. 🌈 🌕

[slytherintoperfection]

II

You can't unknow a crack in the foundation once you see it. You can only decide what to build on the rubble.

[slytherintoperfection]

I

From a young age I was always drawn to winter. The period where the earth holds its breath before it races toward growth again. I have felt deep companionship with the trees in their most vulnerable state. I too have felt my safest infrastructure slowly fade away from me. I feel exposed, vulnerable, cold, and freezing, somehow even in 80 degrees. Yet in my frozen solitude, I find a beautiful place of rest.

Life right now is like touching a live electrical wire. Pain shoots straight to the center of my being and I am helpless to stop it. I don't attend mass anymore, but I find comfort in the thought that in churches around the world people pray for those in liminal spaces. I hope their prayers reach me and that mine have reached heaven. Many days I find I don't have the hope to wish for that. Heaven feels a place I have been excluded from the potential of since I was a girl.

In my experience, somewhere around your 30s you end up in Purgatory, USA.