something's hollow about me

18, active july 2026, BLOCK DON'T REPORT

[small-wrists-will-o-wisp]

hi i'm arden and i have an eating disorder

i don't want anyone else to ever get an eating disorder. i'm just venting and i hope my blog is honest enough to discourage other people from getting an eating disorder. this shit is so not worth it

please don't report me it's just annoying as fuck and i have to make a new blog and it doesn't make me better and it doesn't make anyone else better

im genderfluid, i use they/them mostly but also i don't mind she/her or he/him. go nuts do whatever. my morals: i hate cops fuck cops, abolish ice, let all the undocumented immigrants into the usa, i love homeless people and addicts and women and people of color. kill all billionaires

i've been on edblr since 2021, had some form of disordered eating since mid 2020. i'm not gonna post my current stats but my highest weight was 270 pounds and i am currently at a "healthy" bmi. i'm 5'8 or 5'7 depending on how tired i am

i ALWAYS tag my triggering posts so if seeing a certain topic negatively effects you, please block the relevant tag!

this is not a complete list of my tags, just the main content warning ones. i also try to tag religion, hospital pics, miscarriage, and suggestive content with regular trigger tags

#arden self destructs

vent tag, drugs, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, intrusive thoughts, alcohol, medical stuff, sexual assault, mental illness, and generally just me hating myself

#no nomnom 🚫

restrictive eating, body dysmorphia, calorie counting, weight, side effects of undereating

#kingtoiletdisorder

bulimia, binging, throwing up, lax abuse, exercise purging, side effects of purging

#arden's 💪

both healthy and unhealthy exercise, dance, weightlifting, walking, overexercising

[small-wrists-will-o-wisp]

i dont want to talk about the things that happened to me i just want them to have not happened to me

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im gonna get 3 hours of sleep

[small-wrists-will-o-wisp]

im gonna get 4 hours of sleep, take my car out to yonder, come back home and hopefully get more sleep

[small-wrists-will-o-wisp]

damn

[small-wrists-will-o-wisp]

i always thought i was a normal kid and i was like "why am i friends with the kids who self harm and puke and starve"

it's cause i had the fucked up brain too, i jist hadn't quite been pushed to that point of actually doing something about it. yet.

[small-wrists-will-o-wisp]

honestly being eighteen ain't that bad

when i was eight my brain was equally as fucked up but i had no autonomy to do anything about it

i just sat with it. during school. when i'd get in (verbal, usually) fights with my parents. at night. just sat in it

now at least i can go do camping with friends for a weekend and escape it. or go on a walk. or starve myself. at least i can DO something

[small-wrists-will-o-wisp]

days and nights have always been a split reality for me

i would spend the days in the tall grass in the backyard, imagining castles and princesses and fairies

and the nights i would watch the shadows on my ceiling and wait fearfully for the moment i fell asleep and the nightmare would come

[small-wrists-will-o-wisp]

i remember being like. five

and i'd go to my momma with a nightmare and i was terrified even to get out of bed and walk to the door of my room and open it and knock on her door to wake her up cause i could see the nightmares they would be alive in my room

and she did her best she'd tell me stories of kittens and things and she'd walk me back to my bed and tell me all the stories of kittens that she had and shed tell me about the hot air balloons in albuquerque in the fall

and at first i'd keep asking for stories hoping they would help. and she'd get more and more tired and eventually she'd say sorry darling i have to go back to bed, but you'll be alright just keep thinking of Ruffwind and Starburst (the kittens)

so eventually i learned i would never be satisfied and i would always be scared and i'd only ask for one story and then i'd say thank you momma and go back to my bed and lie im bed shaking trying not to scream

sometimes the nightmares would make me scream but not wake me up. sometimes they'd make me wake up screaming and if i started screaming sometimes i couldn't stop. i was so filled with terror

and eventually i stopped waking her up for nightmares. i would just swallow them and lie in bed staring at the ceiling. i still remember some of the nightmares. they still scare me to this day

i don't know why i was born this way. my brain doesn't do very well with sleeping alone. it still doesn't. i still get nightmares. sometimes i spend all night awake because i know they will come if i fall asleep

[small-wrists-will-o-wisp]

i wanna sleep

[small-wrists-will-o-wisp]

if i go get like really good head on like friday night will that fix me

i know a guy

[small-wrists-will-o-wisp]

i am noticing a pattern... i seem to be struggling to fall asleep before dawn... AGAIN

dammit why? i thought it was the fighting. what the hell

[small-wrists-will-o-wisp]

the days and nights are giving me whiplash dude i'm living two different lives at the same time

[small-wrists-will-o-wisp]

me during the day is so fun and bright

me at night im just. damn im struggling

[small-wrists-will-o-wisp]

i guess i am me

i guess that version of me is dead

they were a good person. they tried harder than i do

[small-wrists-will-o-wisp]

i still cant get over that day last august when i figured out that living alone with my mom was gonna make me lose my mind

and OH BOY DID IT EVER

... i miss me

[small-wrists-will-o-wisp]

"what if ur tastes change and you don't want those tattoos anymore?"

i already have to live with loose skin from weight loss, deep scars on my breasts from self harm, and POTS that my eating disorder made one million times worse

i think some art is the LEAST of my problems with my body