Robert Small ~ aka Bad Dad/Knife Dad
(All info is culled directly from in-game references; gif was made by me - if you want to use it in something else, please ask &/or give me credit. Thanks so much! <3)
Seems to have little/no respect for people who sleep around and/or put sex before other, more important things
Was (possibly) in the Army
Has a Boston Terrier named Betsy (likes to pretend she’s a pit bull)
Likes to tell elaborate (and sometimes graphic) stories. (Are they true? No one but Robert knows.)
Knows how to fake people out (i.e. good poker face?)
Sends texts/messages like a teenager
Believes hitting a child would be despicable
Insists on watching movie credits to the VERY end
Has a daughter named Val who lives in Brooklyn; she works for some ‘news media online magazine thing’ and makes a lot of money doing it.
He’s unsure of Val’s age, but thinks it’s maybe 25 or 26
He refers to Brooklyn as ‘home’ (…so what does that make Maple Bay?)
Carries a fully-stocked first aid kit in his truck
Has an unconventional sense of humor
Has a tendency to say exactly what he means…and then pretend like he didn’t mean it
Not the most talkative of people, generally speaking
Thinks River has an ‘old soul’
His wife’s name was Marilyn; she died in an ‘accident’.
He has a ‘long, wicked scar across his pecs’ (supposedly from a bike accident with Val)
Has a tattoo on his left hand, shaped a little like a compass rose
The mention of cannibalism reminded him of the last time he went skiing. (Just another ‘story’?)
Claims his leather jacket has been in his family a long time, and that it’s ‘cursed’
Seems to have done a lot of thinking about killing someone. “It’s not just their life, you know. It’s their hopes and dreams draining away. Every memory and experience they’ve ever had…gone.”
This guy may not look it, but he’s smart! Knows who Hemingway is, has heard of capybaras, is a classic film buff, knows random Bible verses by heart…
Robert’s hands are calloused and covered in little white scars.
Got stabbed in Louisiana…or was it Kentucky…?
Drives a VERY old red pickup truck.
House is filled with sleek, modern appliances; a big flat-screen TV; and shelves upon shelves of DVDs
Has at least a mild interest in sports of some kind and a preferred team that he roots for
Likes Paranormal Ice Road Truckers, but isn’t a fan of TV in general
Doesn’t like being called Rob (…or Bobert) - ‘buddy’ seems to be okay?
Likes to go camping (but hasn’t been after what happened last time)
Digs old movies from the 30′s and 40s
Takes the creation of movies VERY seriously
Likes Tom Waits and Santana
Likes to whittle and is pretty good at it
Smokes like a chimney (if all the ashtrays in his house are any indication.)
Enjoys the Criterion Collection
Likes whiskey… A LOT - especially shots
When it comes to alcohol, rarely takes ‘no’ for an answer
Likes white zinfandel because it’s delicious, fruity, and refreshing
LOVES pineapple on his pizza
Thinks Jim and Kim’s is the best bar in town
Occasionally hangs out at The Coffee Spoon
Enjoys leaving hickeys…lots of them
Rough enough in bed to leave a person feeling sore and ‘creaky’ afterwards
When his lover says ‘no’ or ‘stop’ he takes it seriously
Recognizes that he’s an emotional wreck/emotionally unavailable…and is honest about it
“The key to being cool is acting like you don’t care about anything, but actually care very deeply about everything to the point where it’s debilitating.”
“Too many people think that they have to fill the dead air with noise. Personally I think they’re afraid of the silence. Or they’re afraid of what the other person is gonna think of the silence…learn to be comfortable with silence.”
“I respect your opinion. And I will fight with my life for your right to say it. But where’s your sense of adventure? Where’s your sense of taste? Why won’t you love yourself?”
“The juciness of the pineapple paired with the tanginess of the sauce is a flavor combination that everyone should experience at least once, if not a thousand times more. Pineapple on pizza is one of the few things in life that I genuinely and thoroughly enjoy. Please. Please just do this for me. No - do this for yourself.”
“That popcorn-ass drivel the mass media is shoving down your throat will only make you dumber and sadder. You of all people should strive for a higher standard in the art you consume.”
“Are you kidding me? I would never hit a child. That would be despicable.”
“This is my Thinking Bench. I have to get a solid two to three hours of brooding per day. Filling quotas…A lot of people underestimate the senses of a man who broods.”
“I’m so many levels of irony deep that I’ve forgotten what humor is.”
“I was so busy chasing after all of these things that I thought would make me happy that I didn’t think about anyone else. All I cared about was myself.”
“Maybe I’m just built like this. Or maybe I do it to myself. Maybe it’s my own choice I’m as unhappy as I am.”
“I’m working on my relationship with existence.”
“Long live the king, baby.”
“I spent my whole life only taking, and taking, and taking. And now here I am, an old, broken man sitting on top of a pile of everything I’ve ever taken. Alone.”
“I spent so much time chasing after things I thought were gonna make me happy that I ruined my only real chance at happiness.”
“You know, every day for me is a battle against my own self-destructive habits.”
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